Due to circumstances beyond her control (and which Jenny Jerkface is well aware of), Snarkier Than You is now accepting applications for a new BFF. Qualified candidates should be fiercely loyal, have a wicked sense of humor, and [this is the most important part, so PAY ATTENTION] be available the weekend of March 21st. Twilight fanaticism a plus, but would be willing to indoctrinate the right person between now and then. Ownership of a large flatscreen TV is also desirable, but since I have keys to JJ's house and she'll be away that weekend, I'm certain that she wouldn't mind if we co-opted hers. No teens/tweens; ideally looking for a "Twilight Mom" type, sans kids. Non-drinkers/straight-edge and religious zealots need not apply.