Monday, March 30, 2009

We're Not Just TwiTarded, We're TwiTardy

I am chronically late. Almost always. It's not that I don't care; I do. A lot, in fact. So I am late and totally stressed about it most of the time. In bloggerland, this means that I start a lot of posts that I don't finish because I get an idea and jot down some thoughts, but by the time I make anything semi-coherent out of it, it's too late/been done/old news (most recent example: a post titled "Is R-Patts a Stinker? It Just Doesn't Matter!").

Apparently my tardiness is rubbing off on JJ, because she's usually on top of things and is quick to chastise me for running constantly behind. So we're hanging our collective heads in shame that we didn't get to this sooner, but from Jenny Jerkface and me, a big thanks to TwiCrack Addict, Pillow Biter, and Danger Magnet for awarding us the "You're Blog is Fabulous!" award last week! We looooove reading all the other Twi-themed blogs out there, and frankly while we're still rather shocked that people even read us in the first place, getting tagged with this bloggy goodness makes us feel all warm and uber-gushy inside. Just like almost everything Twilight-related tends to do. (Really, who can blame us for being so obsessed with Twilight? Who doesn't like feeling smooshy inside?!)

It's our understanding that we're now supposed to spread the love to five of our fave blogs and then list five of our addictions. Or something like that... However, because we are so lame late, it appears that all of our most favoritest blogs have (of course) been duly noted for their wonderfullness. TwiCrack, Pillow Biter, Danger Magnet, Twilog, Inappropriate Twilight Obsession and the like - look at our blog list! - your witty banter and great posts nearly get me fired from work on a daily basis. If I have to explain to the IT guys why there is coffee sprayed all over the monitor one more time I'm pretty sure I'll be canned.

And things I am addicted to???
  1. Twilight/all things related to Twilight (obvs! I'm a relative newbie, but I fell hard!)
  2. Blogging (see above...) - writing, reading, staring at Sitemeter stats...
  3. The "orange" food group (includes Cheez-its, Cheetos, Cheese Doodles, Cheesey Poofs - you get the idea...) and all the other food groups, too (I am a total foodie)
  4. Hunting for awesome mid-century modern stuff at estate/tag/rummage sales
  5. Music. Almost everything, mostly indie rock. Right now I am obsessing over a couple of M. Ward songs. They say having a song stuck in your head--seriously stuck--is a sign of any number of psychological disorders, one of which is OCD. Is it wrong that this amuses me?
JJ here - STY suggested I post my other obsessions too (only because she thinks mine will somehow trump hers in the 'weird' department) so here it goes.

  1. Twilight. Natch.
  2. Music. Lots of it. All the time. Right now I'm absolutely addicted to Neutral Milk Hotel. Or Born Against if the train ride in is shitty.
  3. Trying to guess what communicable diseases my fellow commuters have and devising new ways to get them not to sit near me. (Edward used to work. So did picking my nose. I think I'm gonna just start growling at them now.)
  4. Tattoos
  5. This guy! He's my chicken.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Edward Says I Swear too &^$#$ Much

This isn't exactly Twilight related but...

You know how Edward never swears in the book except for that one utterance during the van-almost-squishes-the-crap-out-of-Bella scene?

I'm not like that at all. Not even close. Totally different universe, in fact.

I live in the Dirty Word World. I just can't help it. When Bella yells 'Holy crow!!' in the book, I'm thinking "There are far stronger words you could use to get your point across." I bet if she screamed 'Slow down the *&#% car right now, you $$%^& $%^^!!!' Edward wouldn't have rolled his eyes at her and acted all condescending.

Anyhoo, Edward pointed out to me not too long ago that I have a fecking potty mouth. Then again, my mother, Mrs. (Not a)Jerkface [who actually now reads this blog - egads!] has mentioned this, as well as Snarkier and ML. Actually, I believe ML first noticed me because I was shrieking cuss words like a rabid banshee with a bad case of tourettes at a party. I suppose this explains why he puts up with my obsession of snapping pictures of Edward in various states of mayhem and, if it's a good day, debauchery. (STY might have a similar story, if I recall correctly.)

STY's story - You scared the piss out of me the first time I saw you play a fighter video game. And the first time I saw you legitimately enraged by something I was so frightened that I almost lost control of my bowels.

Now, I know that we've already claimed we're a site geared more toward adults, but we don't want to offend anyone because of my trucker's mouth. Or sailor's mouth. Why is swearing occupational, anyway? I don't get it... Why can't I have a 'financial supervisor's - oh, never mind.

Anyway, I must admit I'm finding it a tad difficult not spew the the seven dirty words on a regular basis, which is why you'll often find other nonsense words in their place. Oh, and I tend to beat the shit out of the word 'dude', too. Just in case you haven't noticed, that is. Mommy [not a]Jerkface suggested I tone it down a bit and, while I love you, Moo, I just have to be me. Swear words and all.

Honestly, if anyone is offended by my language, you really should be grateful that you only have to read it and not listen to it. Because, on top of my sewer mouth, I have a really bad New Jersey accent. Even other people from Jersey make fun of it. I mean, I tawk - not talk. (Just for the record, this entertains STY to no end and one day she will go too far and I will beat the &^%$#*!! snot out of her.)

Oh, and in the future we will be putting disclaimers on any posts that are for adults only. Apparently STY has discovered some Twilight fanfiction that is definitely H-O-T and will report on it later...

Friday, March 27, 2009

Edward Flips Emmett the Bird

I swear I must have watched the Supermassive Whack-a-Mole Baseball scene on Youtube nine gazillion times when it first came out. Granted, this was immediately after the baseball scene became available on Youtube and long before I got my chubby little paws on a DVD. I'd be sitting at work, totally dorked out, with an ear bud shoved in one ear, squinting against the grainy, crappy picture trying to watch Jasper do his baseball bat acrobatics over and over again. My co-workers would occasionally sneak up and scare the bejeezus out of me, I would be so intent. Bastards.

Which is why I never noticed that Edward gives Emmett the American Salute. In fact, I had to see the damn movie in the theater three times before I noticed that Edward flips the bird. I was so excited to see something (finally!) remotely naughty that I damn near spewed all the SweeTarts I was shoveling into my gob all over STY, who was pissed that I distracted her from the aforementioned Jasper-baseball-acrobatics scene.

Did anyone else notice this? Am I really this blind that I somehow missed such a small, quick, yet significant gesture? Because, frankly, I'm just appalled that Edward would even think of doing something like giving Emmett the New Yorker's Hello. Well, not really. Personally, giving people the finger is like my own special way of saying 'howdy!'.

Oooh bad Edward (and bad closeup picture!)

I've been disgustingly busy at work and a tad bit neglectful on the Twitarded side of life but I did manage to take some pictures of the scene (with ML shaking his head in resignedly behind me). And, I promise you, they are every bit as grainy and bad as I remembered the Youtube videos being.

Anyway, that dastardly gesture shows up right after Emmett and Edward collide during the baseball scene. And I'm going to be SO embarrassed if everyone comments back, 'uh, duh, JJ. We all knew that. Way to be quick on the uptake.'

Sometimes it's the just little things that make me go 'YAY!'

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Is This Considered Cheating on Twilight?

I swear I'm not cheating on Edward! I could never, ever abandon all that is Twilight!

However, there is another series of books that I am secretly in love with that all you twihards might also enjoy. I hide these books behind the Hemingway and Orwell novels when guests come over because they are really ooey gooey brain porn. I need to come out of my closets one step at a time, ya know?

The series is called Women of the Underworld by Kelley Armstrong. They are basically sci-fi/fantasy romance novels that involve werewolves, demons, vampires, etc. She's a pretty good writer and I've read all the books in the series so far.

Normally, I find this genre of writing to be, well, really bad. But Kelley Armstrong can definitely hold her own. Her Women of the Underworld series is definitely geared towards adults but she also recently started another series for young adults, called Darkest Powers that I'm assuming doesn't have sex involved.

Who knows? Maybe one of these days I'll be posting links to my own silly sci-fi romance novels! (Not likely to happen any time soon since blogging about Twilight and watching the movie over and over again is taking up a lot of my time!)

That being said, I still promise that the Twilight series (and RPatz) will always have a special place in my heart... (I think I heard an audible gasp coming from Snarky about 80 miles away when I told her I was writing this up)

Monday, March 23, 2009

Edward's Adventures at SXSW (Part One?)

First of all, a word of advice to anyone who wants to go to SXSW. Plan ahead, mother fruckers. Plan faaaaaar ahead.

Now, Edward's done an awful lot in his long life but, let me tell you, he sure was excited to go to Austin, Texas for the SXSW festival. I mean, he is SUCH a big music fan (as we all know)!!! I think maybe Edward was looking for some new genre of music (I guess ALL music gets old after awhile, right?).

Anyhoo, because I'm cheaper than a baby chick (get it? Get it?!) I was going on a flight that left Philly at the ass crack of dawn. Edward didn't care too much but I have to admit, I was kind cranky about it.

If you squint really hard there's a plane in the background. It's REALLY dark at 3 am!!

I was hoping to get some fun shots of Edward looking uncomfortable jammed into a 747 with everyone and their mother but the harried looking flight attendant informed me that you're not allowed to use a cell phone while the plane is in flight (oddly enough, she seemed totally nonplussed about the fact that I was clutching an action figure in my paws). Um, if using a cell phone might somehow muck up the flight and cause us to all meet our demise (except Edward, natch) in a fiery crash to the ground then I think I might need to rethink my whole 'oh-don't-worry-planes-are-totally-safe' attitude. Just sayin'.

But I digress. Like Edward, I was pretty excited about SXSW. There were something like 1900 hundred acts playing down there, and holy-fecking-shit were there a lot of people!! It's a good thing Edward really gorged himself before we went down there or things could have ended up being a real bloody mess, especially if the Volturi decided to 'clean up'.

The first thing we did was pick up our rental car. While we were there, Edward noticed a car that Alice would totally dig and he got all excited and wanted to borrow rent it.

Unfortunately, it wasn't really in our budget so we got a Kia Rio instead. Edward mumbled something really fast, you know how he does that sometimes, and I couldn't quite make it out but I'm pretty sure he said something about 'being totally fucking uncool.' Whatevs.

Since we had taken a ridiculously early flight we had the whole day to party on in Austin! Naturally, we hit the town as soon as I freshened up (Edward always looks fabulous, the bastard). We hit the bar that ML was playing and I was tickled pink to find that they had free Red Stripes. Now, normally I'm not really much of a beer drinker, but in this fiscally unstable economy I figured I should take one for the team and suck it up. The beer, that is.

I would have taken more pictures of Edward at this bar but, for some reason, some twatwaffle went apeshit crazy and started shoving the beer bottles away. Apparently she was jealous that Edward was getting more attention than her.

Now, here's the thing about this little 'incident'. People really should be careful about who they decide to screw around with. I have no idea what made her angry but if I were her, I would have thought twice about screwing around with some chick who was taking pictures of a gawd damn doll in a bar. I think that makes it pretty obvious that I'm lacking certain social filters, ya know?

Anyway, we wandered around for a bit, checking out the local scenery and what not and then Edward made a pit stop at the ATM.

From there on out we pretty much raced around Austin, trying to catch as many bands as possible. Some of the lines were insanely long but Edward is a bit more patient than I am so it didn't bother him too much. I guess that whole immortal-never-sleeping thing makes a guy pretty zen about a line that stretches around the block, ya know?

Dude! Edward even got a little raucous and went crowd surfing!! Rock it old school, Edward!

But the best part of SXSW was by far being lucky enough to see Peelander Z. Those guys are totally off the fazook. Edward kind of scoffed at their theatrics but, after the show, he reluctantly admitted they were pretty kick ass, for humans.

Edward joining in the festivities

Even Edward thought this was kick ass. I mean, the dude is hanging upside down from the freaking scaffolding by his ankles. Playing guitar. I can't even play guitar sitting in a chair.

Afterward, we hit another bar that ML was playing and Edward insisted on getting this photo to send back to Emmett. He loves to razz Emmett about getting clobbered by that grizzly but Edward's secretly glad because he thinks Emmett's a pretty cool vampire dude.

And then, it was time to go. :( Edward was a doll (excuse the pun) and helped me pack my things.

Our flight left super-duper early again and I barely stumbled my way to the airport. Edward, on the other hand, was bright eyed and bushy tailed, as always. I sometimes resent him for that. And then we were on our way home.

SXSW was definitely a great time and I can't wait to go again next year. It was certainly a very overwhelming trip but I'm glad me and Edward got the opportunity to do it!

Edward had one more reason to love SXSW - he was pretty popular with ladies (minus that one crazy chicky) and even some of the guys! More on that later...

Dear Robert Pattinson: If You are Reading This, I am Sorry.

[told you I would post this pic over and over and over...]

So I have been s-l-o-w-l-y reading the RPatts interview in GQ (gotta make the good stuff last! it's a looong wait 'til "New Moon"...), and today I came across the following passage that almost made me ejaculate my lunch out of my nose:

"He tries not to go out if he can avoid it. Stays home, watches movies, microwaves. Mostly, though, he reads about himself on the Internet [emphasis mine]...

...And he admits to reading it, which is the really weird part. He reads the gossip blogs [again, emphasis mine] and the Twilight fan fiction."

AAAACCCKKK!!!! He reads this pap?! For reals?!? [side note: like I do when anything new and vaguely interesting and Twilight-related pops into my head, I immediately picked up the phone and called JJ so that I could read that bit of the article to her. She had been pouring over our Sitemeter stats and announced that someone in the UK had just logged on. Although we both know that R-Patts is probably not in the UK right now and even if he was he would not be holed up somewhere breathlessly awaiting the next scintillating post on Twitarded, this had us both in hysterics.]

But seriously, has anyone ever considered the possibility that he might actually read some of this stuff?! I know I haven't... Let's face it: I have heard a less-than-complimentary comment or two from him regarding how he feels about the legions of semi-middle-aged women who are obsessed with him, Edward, and Twilight. And I get it. It's ok. Really. If I was a twenty-two-year-old guy, I would think someone my age exhibiting this kind of behavior is whacked out of their gourd, too. But it never crossed my mind that I might be personally responsible for creeping him out a little bit. Oops.

And yes, I realize that I probably SHOULD have posted this on one of my favorite blogs, Letters to Rob, but cut me some slack, people! It's been very hard to find time to post anything here due to excessive dvd watching of late, and I needed to take care of business here first!

And R-Patts, if you ever happen across this blog, please accept my sincere apologies. I can't help it that I am such a weirdo. If you could at least accept a small share of the blame/responsibility for that, that would be super. Thx.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

We're Baaaaaack!!!!!

SXSW was sofa king AWESOME!!! And C-R-A-Z-Y! The food, the booze, the bands - it was all just amazing and Edward had a bomb-diggity-shiznit time. And so did I. But, right now, I really need to recover from the hectic week. Edward fared a bit better than I did...

Pssst. If you can't see Edward, look a little closer.

Anyhoo - we have lots of fun pictures and stories that Edward is just dying (well, not really) to share.

More coming later - stay tuned!

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Wait Is Almost Over! SCREEEEEEEE!!!

Listen, I had to change things around here and delete a bunch of stuff that is very old news by now, but I started this *&^%$#!!! post about the dvd release back in January and come hell or high water, it's getting published! Since time is running out and I only have 'til the stroke of midnight, it's now or never, right?

After several heated debates over the relative merits of the numerous Twilight dvd offerings out there (and determining that buying more than two copies of the movie might sound the alarm bells with our respective significant others), my co-blogger JJ and I decided on the Hot Topic and Target releases. The Target package includes a free download of the movie, and while I admit to not currently owning an ipod, this might be what finally gets me over to the dark side (er, or into the 21st century). Granted, this means I will probably never get anything else done again, ever, either at work or at home, but I'm ok with that.

Due to the fact that somewhere between the time when I ordered the DVD and now I've pretty much embraced my Twilight obsession, I think I would have actually went to a release party if JJ were here to accompany me, but going solo reduces things to "embarrassing" level and I would feel like a dork. An old dork. So she's not around [please see previous posts if you are unaware of my feelings regarding her being out of town this weekend, even for something as cool as SXSW], and I am pretty sure that my husband would have me committed if I told him what I REALLY wanted to do tonight. While I commend the guy who works at Hot Topic for handing me the invite to their release party with a straight face, unless someone out there knows where I can rent a couple of kids who will pretend they forced me along, I'm going have to opt out. (((sniffle)))

But take heart: we're having a make-up party on Sunday! And because JJ isn't here to stop me and I have keys to her house, I plan on decorating her place as I see fit. She has already warned her SO of my intentions and he already thinks I am a few slices short of a loaf anyway, so no point in holding back for his sake now, right? I'm thinking "prom theme" and am certain that the art of making those cheesy paper flowers will come back to me once I get my hands on a wad of colored tissue paper. And there will be cocktails aplenty! Letters to Twilight had some great suggestions for drinking games, but JJ and I have decided to make up our own game and drink every time Bella twitches or stammers, which should have us under the table by about the 20 minute mark or so.

So how long do you figure it will take to watch everything (we haven't watched any of the deleted scenes or extra footage yet, but I am anxiously awaiting clarification on the whole "chinchilla poop" controversy - I mean, wtf?!), then watch it again, then watch the commentary piece, then re-watch everything again frame-by-frame (pausing every two seconds to crack up over all of the goofs - you can find them all listed here at IMBD)?? I'm thinking it's a good thing that I took Monday off and told DH that he should make plans without me...

P.S. I realized as I was writing this that I had never cancelled the dvd pre-order I placed at Amazon in early January. I thought of this last week, but then must have seen something shiny and forgotten about it again. I just checked their website in a last-ditch effort to cancel, and guess what? They shipped it yesterday, and it's currently on a UPS truck, scheduled for delivery. Today (Friday). So I should have it in my hot little hands by this afternoon, before the official release. Damn you, Jenny Jerkface!!!

P.P.S. It's officially here now (Friday @ 2:00 PM)! I have it in my possession and I pinky-swore not to watch it!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! Oh cruel, cruel world...

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Oh Happy Day!!!

To be honest, this day started off very, very badly... I had to be in the office early for an all-day meeting, didn't sleep last night, had woken up with a massive headache, and barely muddled through the office grind. I ended up leaving work pretty late (lots to catch up on post-meeting - grrr...), but couldn't head home right away because I had to do some grocery shopping. Adding insult to injury, driving to Wegmans (gotta shop there, because Wegmans rocks!) takes me in the opposite direction - away from home - and even though it's only a couple of miles the wrong way, it KILLS me to point the car in that direction at the end of a workday.

But thankfully, things did ultimately take a turn for the better! After slogging through the aisles and getting everything on my list (I'm a list kinda gal - if it's not on a list, it doesn't happen) and making my way to the checkout area, somewhere in my foggy brain a light flickered and I remembered that Wegmans has a HUGE selection of magazines. Did I dare to hope?! Clearly the fates had not kind to me thus far, but I decided to give it a shot anyway, hoping against hope that my luck would change as I pushed my cart back into the depths of the store. And lo and behold! There was the April issue of GQ, with R-Patts smirking out from the magazine rack with that "cat who ate the canary" (or is about to!) look on his face. WOO-HOO! And I am still cracking up over the egregious (and ironic, this month) mislabeling on the sign in front of the mag: "Men's Interests" - HA! - not this months, folks! Well, some men, maybe, but that's another story... Regardless, I'll betcha dollars to donuts that this particular issue of the magazine turns the normal demographics of GQ readers on it's ear!

I grabbed two copies - from the back, to make sure they hadn't been pawed over by some other crazy person - and whisked them back up to the cashier. I only handed her one to scan through the register, 'cause I'm all OCD like that and didn't want anyone touching the other one and getting their grimy mitts all over it. But now I've got one for reading - numerous times, perhaps - and then one for laminating, framing, and what have you. Natch.

As an added bonus (and proving that things are really turning around for me, luck-wise!), when I finally made it home and got the mail, I found that even my junk mail was graced with Edward's face! And Bella's too - whatever - can't win em' all, right?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Dinner & a Movie With Mini-Edward & Friends

Over the weekend JJ and I decided we wanted a delish meal without a huge price tag or too much effort (yes, we DO want it all!), so we rounded up some friends for a gourmet dinner "in." Everyone would bring a dish or two, we'd add a couple of bottles of nice wine and an Edward-approved bouquet of flowers, and we would be fixed for a splendid night that wouldn't break the bank!

I have food allergies, but I was determined to make something that I could eat that everyone else would also enjoy. This is kind of a new thing for me, but having successfully managed to make some tasty allergen-free dishes in the past (I once made a lasagna without using wheat/gluten, dairy, or eggs, and it was actually edible!), I thought I would try to make a cake. Without eggs, butter, or flour. The flourless part is actually not an issue; I've made flourless chocolate cakes in the past, and they have been phenomenal! They also contained about a pound of butter and half a dozen eggs (and I now know I should eat neither), but still. Undaunted, I set out to see what sort of creative substitutions I could make... The results were less than spectacular, to say the least. Frightening, actually. To his credit, mini-Edward tried to help... It went a little something like this:

Snarkier Than You (nervously pacing back and forth in front of the oven, peering in occasionally, recoiling in disgust): It doesn't look promising... What's that nasty-looking pool of liquid there on the top?! Maybe if I just cook it just a little longer...
Mini-Edward: I'm sure it will be fine! You're a great cook! If I ate human food, I'd eat only yours!
STY (removing "cake" from oven; horrified): Nope! Didn't work! Damn - what a waste of good dark chocolate... [moves towards garbage disposal]
E: Wait! Let me try it! How bad could it be? Besides, I'm immortal - it can't hurt me...
STY: "Edward, noooo! I've gone too far this time!! I used egg replacer powder! And fake vegan butter! Plus I tried to halve the recipe!!
[Edward wins--gets a taste--because, well, he's strong and also very persuasive when he wants to be...]
At right, the sad aftermath.
Unfortunately, I was right. Inedible!That thing went straight into the garbage disposal where it belonged. Thanks, Edward!!

Later that night, we watched a scary movie. I'm pretty wimpy when it comes to fright-fests, but I thought JJ was unflappable. However, I became subtly aware of the fact that she appears to have a near-phobic fear of bad guys in masks (I gathered this as a result of her shrieking directly into my ear every time one of them came on to the screen, which was quite frequently). Edward's a pretty intuitive little guy, too (and a sneaky little devil, too!), so he decided to play a little trick on JJ... [My ears are still ringing...]

Later, when it was time to head back home, Edward was feeling a little saucy (as we all were!) and decided to try a new means of transportation. In all fairness to him, I suppose being in my purse, tucked away in pencil case, was getting a little old. He was a little bummed that the evening was coming to an end, but I consoled him with the fact that we had all sorts of fun planned for the Twilight dvd release the following weekend, and he brightened right up! And wait until he hears the plans I have for decorating JJ's apartment for the big day while she's out of town - can you say "prom theme"?! I'm off to get some crepe paper...

Monday, March 16, 2009

You Like Us! You Really Like Us!!! (A Little...)

We finally put the "Twilight Top Blog" link on our page last night, and despite the fact that it still says "110" on the widget here as of this posting, and I was getting ready to type out out a groveling post if that's what it would take to get us at least into the top 100 so that I could stop dying of embarrassment, I've just found out from the Twilight Top Blogs site (which I guess updates more frequently) that we've moved up to #93! I'm aware that this is still not exactly an accomplishment that most people would crow about, but I have to say I am tickled! I also have to confess that I am not 100% sure how this ranking thingy works, but if people are voting for us, thank you thank you THANK YOU! We [heart] all you other Twilight fans, bloggers and whatever it is you call the people who run the many websites we frequent (webmasters? I have no clue - please see post below for a full commentary on my technical ineptitude). Woo-hoo!!!

Mission Status Update: Still Thwarted

I've been all over the place searching for the April edition of GQ to no avail, and it's really starting to get on my nerves... No offense to Justin Timberlake, but I am getting tired of seeing his mug on the March issue when I want my R-Patts fix. I've been haunting the Barnes & Noble near my office to the point where they're probably figuring I'm casing the joint by now. Took a brief run over there today (just in case...), and I found bubkiss, GQ-wise. And yes, I've thought about just calling them to see if it is available, but I just can't bring myself to do it. So, no luck on the magazine front, but I did get this nifty new bookmark (sorry about the pic quality - I am apparently incapable of standing still enough to take a non-blurry photo), which will replace the semi-tatty piece of red paper ribbon I have been using as a bookmark for all of my Twilight place-marking needs (which are many). While I admit I have grown sort of attached to the ribbon and I like that it's subtle (but red!) and not terribly ostentatious, I made the mistake of dangling it in front of my cat a few weeks back and she's been convinced it's her toy ever since, which has made for some unexpected and painful ambushes (there is nothing she hates more than me reading and not paying attention to her, which doesn't help matters - don't be fooled by those big innocent eyes, people - she's a killer!). I think maybe the companies who make all this Twilight-related merch should really hire a Twilight consultant who is actually a fan, since I am kind of baffled by the fact that the little beads on the bookmark are neither red nor amber. Blue? Really? Why??? But then again, I suppose it's just as well that JJ and I both kind of think all the images they use on these items are kind of creepy and not the best representations of how beautiful the characters really were (at least some of them...), because if they'd used anything we actually liked, we probably would have amassed quite a collection by now, and it is likely that this wouldn't have went over well with our respective S/Os (I am still debating how disturbed DH would be by Twilight jammies; I'm thinking "supremely").

I also purchased a "Blogger for Dummies" book. Hopefully, I will learn what I am supposed to be doing here, because for the time being I just stare blankly at JJ when she talks about anything other than the most basic functions and features. She might as well be speaking Swahili for the amount of information I'm understanding. I studied English, people! English! And while I wouldn't call myself a technophobe, I am semi-computer-illiterate when compared to most of the other whiz-kids I know (in my defense my friends are a pretty tech-savvy lot, but still). In reality, I will likely give up trying to understand the book (sucking up my pride that the "For Dummies" series is still over my head), and will pass it along to JJ so that she can make our little blog uber-wonderful. Because now that people are actually coming here for a gander (and we are both still kind of in shock that you folks found us AND like us!), we'd like to gussy the place up a little. It might take a little time, but we're a determined duo and JJ can be a real slave-driver when she wants to get something accomplished, so stay tuned!

Sunday, March 15, 2009


So DH and I were at JJ's place last night hanging out with some friends and things got a little drinky... I had managed to keep the whole Twitarded/blog thing under wraps amongst friends (and everyone with the exception of JJ and DH, for that matter) but it appears that JJ is a little comfier with the prospect of being ridiculed than I am and she had told one or two other people about our Twilight obsession. Subsequently, those folks told everyone else there. And then they all went and checked out the blog. Of course this led to a command performance from our respective mini-Edwards, and take it from me: if you have never been in a room full of adult men and women clamoring to pose and take pictures of a six-inch tall action figure, you just haven't lived. Once the cat was out of the bag, it was a full-on OME-O-Rama! I have to give the little guy credit, he really knows how to work a room...

And of course while he's modest and doesn't like to be a show-off, he just can't help himself from doing everything with his usual level of aplomb and expertise. It took only a few minutes for him to gravitate towards the guitars so that he could give everyone in attendance a little lesson. Granted most of the folks who were present are in bands or at least know their way around a stringed instrument or two, but there's always room for improvement and Edward likes to be helpful...
Alas, all good things must come to an end and at some point DH and I teetered our way across town and back to our home. The details from this point on are a little fuzzy, but when I woke up this morning and was rummaging through my purse for some ibuprofen, I made a shocking discovery: Edward was missing!!!
I was inconsolable. Or I would have been if I had been able to think straight. But I managed to convince myself that OME was safe at JJ's house and I decided it would be in my best interest to catch a few more ZZZs. Hours later, feeling slightly more refreshed but still anxious, I texted JJ just to be certain of OME's well-being, and EGADS! She didn't have him!!!

My heart sunk... I imagined a life without mini-Edward and it left me feeling as empty as Bella during those "October-November-December-January" months right after Edward left her. I also started thinking about how it would reflect on me if I had to plaster the town with "Missing! Reward!" posters, and decided it would have to be done anyway, the last small remaining shreds of my dignity be damned.

And then I looked up. And there he was, perched upon the stack of books I haven't read because they are not Twilight, hanging out with his SweetHearts, watching over me like the little angel that he is (you know he likes to keep an eye on things when everyone is sleeping...). Swoon!!
[yes he is in front of a mirror and yes my bedroom is messy - deal with it...]

P.S. I jumped out of bed to snap a shot of OME so that I could assure JJ that he was safe and sound, as she was already tearing apart her house and checking all the nooks and crannies in case her little thieving ferret had absconded with him, and realized not a moment too soon that I was thisclose taking a nekkid picture of myself in the mirror and sending it to JJ. Oops!!

P.P.S. I ran the possibility of winning some fabulous Twilight merch from TwiCrack Addicts most awesome Twi-Contest (and possibly displaying the doorknob hangers and t-shirt prominently in our home) by DH and he was surprisingly unenthusiastic about the idea. But no worries; I'm sure he will come around... I'll put Edward on the case - you know he can be very persuasive...

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Edward Goes to Work... Sort of

Every now and again, Edward enjoys taking a trip into the city with me and helping me out at my job. It's not like my job is interesting by any stretch of the means (as evidenced by my slightly manic blogging habits) but it can certainly be stressful. Edward doesn't like to see me stressed and insists he actually enjoys accompanying me!! (Now we KNOW he's not really human)

We wake up early (ok, I wake up early, since Edward's not too keen on that whole sleeping thing) to get ready so we don't miss our train. I actually work in NYC but live in Jersey, which makes my commute a soul-sucking, human-hating, 3 1/2 hour round trip tour in public transportation hell.

Since he has all that extra time while I'm getting my Z's, Edward usually makes me breakfast and packs my lunch for me, which totally rocks since I insist on sleeping until that very last 'holy-shit-I'm-so-effing-late!!!' moment.

Like me, Edward thinks the trains are kind of annoying. Oddly enough, he's never hungry for any of my fellow passengers - he says they smell bad. Frankly, I have to agree.

Since I'm still tired when we hop on the train, Edward offers to hold my pass until the conductor comes so I can get a little more shut-eye.

Finally, an hour or so later, we end up in Penn Station. It's the mad rush to get off the train (I would have been trampled by an angry mob if I tried to capture that - seriously) before we find ourselves in good ol' New York City!

Quickly, we hustle our way to the subway but today the sidewalks are surprisingly quiet. For the most part anyway.

Ahh, the office! Now it's time to do the most important thing of the day - get a cup of Joe!! My office has this nifty state-of-the-art looking coffee making that squirts out the weakest piss-coffee I've ever tasted but, hey, it's free. Edward's not quite sure why I insist on this tradition but he's knows I'm an evil bastard without it so he quickly pours me a cup. **

Once I've gotten my caffeine fix, it's off to work. I'm a supervisor in a finance department (stop laughing!! STOP IT!!!) and Edward's such a genius that he loves to work the numbers with me. Look at him as he pours over those numbers!! I don't know what I'd do without him sometimes.

I have a quick meeting to go to and I'm absolutely shocked when Edward struts to the front and starts writing on the dry-erase board! My heart drops for a moment - I mean, I haven't been cleared to have an assistant, but thankfully, everyone loves him!! Phew!

All in all, it's been a regular old hectic day at the office. Edward and I hop in a train (Yay! A double decker!) and head on home...

** My co-workers think I'm absolutely bonkers to begin with but I skulked around the kitchen for a looong time trying to get a 'coffee' shot. I nearly knocked over the whole setup trying to flee the scene. The cleaning lady looked at me like I was fucking nuts.