Monday, March 23, 2009

Dear Robert Pattinson: If You are Reading This, I am Sorry.

[told you I would post this pic over and over and over...]

So I have been s-l-o-w-l-y reading the RPatts interview in GQ (gotta make the good stuff last! it's a looong wait 'til "New Moon"...), and today I came across the following passage that almost made me ejaculate my lunch out of my nose:

"He tries not to go out if he can avoid it. Stays home, watches movies, microwaves. Mostly, though, he reads about himself on the Internet [emphasis mine]...

...And he admits to reading it, which is the really weird part. He reads the gossip blogs [again, emphasis mine] and the Twilight fan fiction."

AAAACCCKKK!!!! He reads this pap?! For reals?!? [side note: like I do when anything new and vaguely interesting and Twilight-related pops into my head, I immediately picked up the phone and called JJ so that I could read that bit of the article to her. She had been pouring over our Sitemeter stats and announced that someone in the UK had just logged on. Although we both know that R-Patts is probably not in the UK right now and even if he was he would not be holed up somewhere breathlessly awaiting the next scintillating post on Twitarded, this had us both in hysterics.]

But seriously, has anyone ever considered the possibility that he might actually read some of this stuff?! I know I haven't... Let's face it: I have heard a less-than-complimentary comment or two from him regarding how he feels about the legions of semi-middle-aged women who are obsessed with him, Edward, and Twilight. And I get it. It's ok. Really. If I was a twenty-two-year-old guy, I would think someone my age exhibiting this kind of behavior is whacked out of their gourd, too. But it never crossed my mind that I might be personally responsible for creeping him out a little bit. Oops.

And yes, I realize that I probably SHOULD have posted this on one of my favorite blogs, Letters to Rob, but cut me some slack, people! It's been very hard to find time to post anything here due to excessive dvd watching of late, and I needed to take care of business here first!

And R-Patts, if you ever happen across this blog, please accept my sincere apologies. I can't help it that I am such a weirdo. If you could at least accept a small share of the blame/responsibility for that, that would be super. Thx.

28 comments:

  1. First time reading your blog. Hilarious. Over 30 and completely obsessed as well. What can I say, Rob's HOT. - Lainey

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  2. Eek! I've considered *and hoped* the same thing!

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  3. Hey Lainey & Pillow Biter - thanks for stopping by! We're just happy (yet still slightly baffled, truth be told...) that there are so many kindred spirits out there who share our obsession!

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  4. Many from around the world who share the same obsession.
    Greetings from the other side of the world. Hee

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  5. Oh great, all I need is Rob visiting my blog. This completely ruins my fantasy of meeting him.

    FANTASY
    Me: Hi, I loved your work in "How to Be."
    Rob: Thanks, want to go get married?
    Me: Um, sure?

    REALITY
    Me: Hi, I loved your work in "How to Be."
    Rob: Hey, aren't you the girl who runs a blog all about me and Twilight?
    Me: Um, sure?

    Dies.

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  6. haha that's awesome. If he wasn't such a dreamy Edward, there wouldn't even be all of these fan sites, so it's his own fault. And his parents' because, well, they made him hot in the first place!

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  7. Just found this blog today. SOOOO TRUE and funny! From one thirtysomething to another.....

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  8. aaaawwww you guys do a fab job with this blog, and COME ON!!!! surely he has a sense of humor?? Its all in friendly jest *me hopes*

    -Corr
    *oh im in the U.K. It could be me you tracked....sorry :( *

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  9. I love that Twilight is such a universal phenomenon--it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when I see people from all over the globe sharing the Twilight love. Right here!

    Ana Cristina - that's hysterical! (You're totally right, unfortunately: none of us bloggers has a chance now. Damn! And we were so close...)

    Thanks for all the swell comments!!! We [heart] us some comments here at Twitarded!

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  10. Dear crazy ladies of twitarded.
    You scare the living shit out of me.
    Please never come to London.
    Cheers! RPatz.

    P.S. - I had to hack into JJ's account to ensure that you bitches can never, ever track me down.

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  11. I have defintely had the same thoughts when I was reading that article. My stepsister was like, "Well, at least your blog is funny." and I was like, "Yeah, I'm sure he'll be totally thrilled I write about how much I want to do him practically every day. That's not weird at all."

    Love y'all's blog!

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  12. Hi Whitley - glad you enjoy our blog (we lurv yours, too)!

    And maybe your stepsis is right! We will collectively win R-Patts over with our irresistible wit and humor! Why, his people are probably trying to set up a secret meeting with us bloggers at this very moment! OK, I need to go work on writing something extra-clever... (lol!)

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  13. OMG, this is so funny! I thought the same thing! I am a 30-something as well, with 4 kids (2 teenagers, of which the girl is obsessed with Rob...and *I* am worse than her.....sad). Yes, I wonder how much it grosses him out, lol....or just maybe.....one can dream, right? lol

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  14. OCD Sufferer, if I DID have kids, I am sure that my obsessing would out-match theirs - lol! R-Patts just needs to meet us, and then he'll see how wonderful we are! Brazilian supermodels are SO over-rated anyway...
    : )
    Glad you like our blog! Thanks for the comment!

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  15. LOL,
    I find this hilarious.
    I am a 35 year old woman who is in a relationship with a 23 year old man. Mind you, when you are in the industry, it is somewhat more acceptable. For me, I am the one who is in the public eye due to my modeling, and he is just your average guy. Not so average to me. We met at a class I was helping teach (yoga) and only after a year of developing our friendship did I finally give into his unyielding persistance. I do not look my age at all, and he does look very young. For the record, I do not have any trouble meeting men my age, or older for that fact. So its not like I had not other opportunities. I was having trouble meeting the right kind of man. Its better to be alone than be in a realtionship out of fear of being alone. Back to my point. What I do find strange is women who are on the hunt that run around stalking these young actors. Please women, you are giving us a bad rap. Think really hard about your actions. My situation did not happen due to my celebrity status. I am not a celebrity if you compare my occupation to his, I am however, stalked by men of all ages. I too find it weird and a tad alarming to have 60 year old men ask me out. However, with that said, if a friendship developed, where the hormones were at bay, then maybe it could turn into something else. You never know. I came accross an interive with him (Robert) on the televison a while back and he seems like an old soul. So, with that said, it will attract older women to him and vice versa. Just keep an open mind people.

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  16. Dear model/yoga/industry lady,

    Thanks for your comments! We love comments here, and you took the time to tell us how you really feel... I'm glad you found this to be hilarious, as that's pretty much the point. While my Twilight obsession is perhaps not a laughing matter these days [I kid! I'm laughing!], I try to write my posts with my tongue planted firmly in cheek.

    I feel the need to clarify a bit... I don't particularly disagree with anything you wrote other than maybe that our "stalking" is giving women our age a bad name. Nobody here is really stalking anyone. OK, fine, admittedly there may be some loonies out there who really think if they just get some alone-time with R-Patts in the special sound-proof room they've build in their basement he would see the light and fall madly in love with them, but I'm not really going there. I am having fun. I am 1) happily married to a great guy who I am still ga-ga over after 10+ years together 2) not that hard on the eyes, or so I have been told on occasion by men both younger and older than myself and 3) not opposed to anyone dating people who aren't in their age group, should the situation develop to the mutual satisfaction of all parties involved.

    So enjoy your relationship! Be smitten! And we'll enjoy our silly swooning and be happy sharing with the scads of people who are in the same boat, and are blogging about it with hilarious results.

    : )

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  17. From: model/yoga/industry lady

    Hello there.

    I hope I did not offend. I was not commenting on your actions, I was commenting on the fans that physically chase down this poor fellow. I have never been star struck before, and I have been around my fair share of celebrities, especially back in Toronto during the film festival every year. (hey Robert, maybe we might rub elbows some time) Don't get me wrong, I do admire their work, and tend to be drawn to certain films by particular actors. I have never asked a celbrity for their autograph, or followed them around. I guess what I am trying to say is that I just don't understand it. I find it a tad strange, but hey, to each their own. Just as long as its not intrusive, and no one is hurt in the process.
    Its funny,
    I haven't seen anything from this actor as of yet, however, here i am on this blog.
    How I stumbled upon this was that I was in a Toronto music store not too long ago, spending a small fortune on music as usual, and there, standing in front of me was a life sized cut out of this lovable looking guy. I have heard of the novel a while back, but have not read them nor seen the movie. Its just not my sort of thing I guess. I am an avid reader, but tend to stick to the classics, and more mature literature. So, then shortly after my purchase, I left the store. I didn't really notice the hoards of girls outside further up the street outside Much Music on Queen West. My goodness, what a crowd I thought. I thought maybe Prince William was in town...
    So, I walked by Much Mucic on the way back to my boyfriends apartment, and there he was. wow, I must say, once the hair cleared out of his face, I finally got a good look at him. It was Robert. He is every bit adorable as seen in cardboard, and I guess the hype was well earned...LOL. (Ohh If Robert is reading this I am blushing)
    Now with the release of the movie on dvd (still have to see it), his face is everywhere! I forgot about him after the Toronto sighting, but only recently was reminded. Therefore, I googled him...HA HA, Yes, I googled him. which brought me here.
    So, hopefully soon I will have the chance to see the film, and judge for myself how talented this adorable guy is. I am not a fan of books to film, they never seem to fully translate properly in my opinion. With that said, I borrowed the book from my neighbours daughter, and will read it first before I see the film. I was surprised by the sheer size of the novel, not to mention that there are several more in the series. It seems that everyone has gone twilightingly mad about this story, and that man. I have to see for myself. I will check back in to let you know how it goes.

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  18. LOL! I was going to say "Just read the book!" - no matter that you don't typically read teen/vampire novels - you could say the same thing about most of the other people reading/following this blog (almost all of whom likely read the entire four-book series in within a week--family, jobs, and other commitments be damned!).
    I have a degree in English, and it's been a loooong time since I frequented the "young adult" section of the bookstore. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be blogging about something like this today, I would have told you that you were off your rocker.
    IMO/FWIW, the movie does not truly capture the intensity of the book (as is often the case - duly noted), and it's hard not to snicker during some scenes. But there's still something totally irresistible about it. Go figure.
    I sense a convert in the making! Come to the Twi-side...
    : )

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  19. From: model/yoga/industry lady

    Helllo "Sharkier than You"

    I managed to read about half of the Twilight novel, and I must say it isn't that bad. Mind you, I am also reading the Last Lion as well, so maybe Twilight would have been more gripping. It is fairly well written for teen-fiction, and the author paints a very vivid picture, and I could feel the intesity build up throughout the book. I am not sure if I have crossed over to the Twi-side, as my tastes in literature are quite different. I am keeping an open mind, and will give the series a chance. I hope the film does the book justice, and will probably see it sometime in the near future. I can see from the character in the novel "Edward" would attract older women, the character is quite complex and mature. Plus that tortured soul/brooding attitude makes it a tad sexy. I take it that Mr. Pattinson is a fairly new actor as I had no idea who he was. This adorable guy has so much buzz lately. Wow, his performance in Twilight must have knocked those teen girls right out of their uggs!

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  20. I'm glad you gave the book a chance! I imagine Twilight is a much easier read than Last Lion. I tend to equate my literary tastes to my musical tastes. I enjoy Billy Holiday as much as Born Against; likewise, I can find pleasure in both the classics and the pulp of literature. That is why we like to call Twilight 'brain candy' - it's just a fun, easy read.

    There is something to be said about the whole 'tortured soul/brooding' character. It's a formula that has been making many a woman's heart flutter for a very, very long time. In my opinion, the movie left much to be desired. It was adequate. I do think Robert Pattinson is a decent actor who is quickly shaping up to be an excellent. That being said, I still suggest you give it a shot. You know what they say opinions, after all.

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  21. Wow, What a quick read, I am now through the 2nd book NEW MOON. Still haven't seen the film yet for twilight. I am afraid it will not live up to my expectations. I am surprised how quickly I flew through the pages of this novel. It does read like a memoire, and found it quite addictive...

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  22. ah-HA!!! Gotcha! LOL...

    Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is the part where we here at Twitarded get to say "I told you so!" And welcome to the club...

    : )

    Seriously, I don't quite know what it is about it that hooks everyone in and frankly I don't care - that book series IS completely addictive. And the movie doesn't really live up to the books imho, but it's enjoyable for what it is (book=brain candy; movie=eye candy). JJ and I laughed in all the wrong places. And then promptly went back and saw it in the theater three more times (we were baffled by this, too).

    Come back when you're done with "Breaking Dawn" - I give it a few days (c'mon - we both know that "The Last Lion" is currently gather dust. It's ok. Really).

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  23. From: model/yoga/industry lady

    Hello once again "Snarkier than You"

    I am now on "Eclipse", and I must say that "New Moon" was quite intense. Every teenage girl has been there (in Bella's shoes) to a certain degree. I did just see the film, and even though it was pretty good, I found it very rushed. I was not expecting a carbon copy of the book, but at least a bit more development between Edward and Bella. the movie lacked emotion from all of the characters. Especially Bella. The book had you on your toes with anticipation and you could feel the emotion between the two leads. The film seemed rushed, especially in areas where it shouldn't be. For example, Bella's conversation with Jacob on the beach, the meadow seemed especially rushed (did I fall asleep when these two fell in love? Because I know I missed it.) I think the director was in such a hurry to put the film out that she forgot to show the audience how they fell in love. Such a shame, the novel was very well done for teen fiction. Hopefully the new director for NEW MOON, will do the series justice. With all that said, I still enjoyed the film, just a bit disapointed in the lack of character development between the characters.

    I should be finished with Eclipse in another day or so, and then onto the next and final novel of the series. It will be sad to say goodbye to these characters that I have learned to adore. I am not sure if the Winston Churchhill biography will confort me as much as this series/saga has, I have left it to collect dust on the corner of my desk since I have been reading the Twilight novels. Does anyone have any suggestions as to where to go from here? What do you suggest I turn to once I have read that final page of BD? I have a feeling it is going to be difficult to pick something else up that can grab your attention as much as this has. Oh god help me, I might have just become Twitarded!!! LOL

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  24. Hey there m/y/i lady! Wow - somehow I missed this last update of yours! Things have been so busy lately that somehow I didn't note you'd left an update - but today I found myself thinking "I wonder whatever happened to..." - I figured I would check just in case, and viola! It seemed unlikely that you would have stopped mid-series - once you make it through the first book and head into the second, I think the Twilight hook is firmly set! No turning back from that point - lol!

    I don't disagree with your take on the movie - I came to love it for what it was despite what I also perceived as its shortcomings - it is what it is... But there was too much in the book to fit neatly into a two-hour film and it definitely shows. The character development IS lacking, and I don't even think we can blame the director for doing the best she could with the time and budgetary constraints that she had work within... I also have high hopes for New Moon, but note that the same screenwriter was on board (and will be throughout the rest of the series, apparently). We shall see!

    Let us know when you are done with Breaking Dawn... BD is quite a thing and people generally have strong feelings on it one way or another, so... Anyway, we'll be happy to give you some suggestions for how to satisfy the cravings that Winston isn't going to be able to squelch - lol!

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  25. Hey there m/y/i lady! Wow - somehow I missed this last update of yours! Things have been so busy lately that somehow I didn't note you'd left an update - but today I found myself thinking "I wonder whatever happened to..." - I figured I would check just in case, and viola! It seemed unlikely that you would have stopped mid-series - once you make it through the first book and head into the second, I think the Twilight hook is firmly set! No turning back from that point - lol!

    I don't disagree with your take on the movie - I came to love it for what it was despite what I also perceived as its shortcomings - it is what it is... But there was too much in the book to fit neatly into a two-hour film and it definitely shows. The character development IS lacking, and I don't even think we can blame the director for doing the best she could with the time and budgetary constraints that she had work within... I also have high hopes for New Moon, but note that the same screenwriter was on board (and will be throughout the rest of the series, apparently). We shall see!

    Let us know when you are done with Breaking Dawn... BD is quite a thing and people generally have strong feelings on it one way or another, so... Anyway, we'll be happy to give you some suggestions for how to satisfy the cravings that Winston isn't going to be able to squelch - lol!

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  26. Wow, What a quick read, I am now through the 2nd book NEW MOON. Still haven't seen the film yet for twilight. I am afraid it will not live up to my expectations. I am surprised how quickly I flew through the pages of this novel. It does read like a memoire, and found it quite addictive...

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  27. OMG, this is so funny! I thought the same thing! I am a 30-something as well, with 4 kids (2 teenagers, of which the girl is obsessed with Rob...and *I* am worse than her.....sad). Yes, I wonder how much it grosses him out, lol....or just maybe.....one can dream, right? lol

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  28. Dear model/yoga/industry lady,

    Thanks for your comments! We love comments here, and you took the time to tell us how you really feel... I'm glad you found this to be hilarious, as that's pretty much the point. While my Twilight obsession is perhaps not a laughing matter these days [I kid! I'm laughing!], I try to write my posts with my tongue planted firmly in cheek.

    I feel the need to clarify a bit... I don't particularly disagree with anything you wrote other than maybe that our "stalking" is giving women our age a bad name. Nobody here is really stalking anyone. OK, fine, admittedly there may be some loonies out there who really think if they just get some alone-time with R-Patts in the special sound-proof room they've build in their basement he would see the light and fall madly in love with them, but I'm not really going there. I am having fun. I am 1) happily married to a great guy who I am still ga-ga over after 10+ years together 2) not that hard on the eyes, or so I have been told on occasion by men both younger and older than myself and 3) not opposed to anyone dating people who aren't in their age group, should the situation develop to the mutual satisfaction of all parties involved.

    So enjoy your relationship! Be smitten! And we'll enjoy our silly swooning and be happy sharing with the scads of people who are in the same boat, and are blogging about it with hilarious results.

    : )

    ReplyDelete

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