Monday, April 13, 2009

I Never Want to Meet Rob Pattinson

I was reading about this experience on Pillow Biter's blog the other day (like STY, I'm incapable of doing anything in a timely manner) and it got me thinking - what would I do if I ran into, say, RPatz or something? Would I admit I'm a fan? Would I attack him? Or, would I stand there like a gaping fish, mouth open, and not be able to say anything at all?

I really thought about this. And this is what I realized I would do.

I would turn and run as fast as I could (which is not very fast - I usually only run when being chased by cops or potential murderers) in the complete opposite direction. There would be a trail of smoke behind me. If I'm really lucky, I might even give the kid a complex.

Why would I run?

Because I'm thirty one (hey! That rhymed! Go me!) years old. Oh, and I'm pretty damned vain, too. I know myself too well and a conversation with RPatz would probably go something like this:

Me - Um, excuse are you RPatz?
RPatz - {gives me the disapproving once-over} Yes.
Me - Um, I know this sounds, like, really $%&@ stupid, but I really like $%&@ Twilight and I know you're not really $#%^ Edward and all but -
RPatz - I can't understand what you're saying because you're saying 'fuck' every other word.
Me - You want to $##% me?! Really?! AWESOME!!!

The whole running thing kinda surprised me, too. I mean, I really, seriously, honestly, don't have any shame. In fact, one of my hobbies is making other people incredibly uncomfortable [note from STY: This is 100% true - she's a complete menace when out in public] and who better to be awkward with than RPatz? I'd say Kristen Stewart, too, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't need any help feeling awkward.

I have no qualms about running around with the Edward doll. I've mooned people. From a moving vehicle. And I wasn't a teenager (as in, I was older than a teenager). I'm known for saying insanely inappropriate things at the wrong time. If I have a filter, it's in dire need of being changed.

But I would actively avoid RPatz. Weird, huh? I can't say that I would feel the same about the rest of the members. Then again, it's not like I have the hots for KStew, ya know?

Well, you know what they say about getting over your fears - you have to face them head on...

Do you need a passport to get to Canada? Just sayin'...

19 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA! I love it.

    I have friends up that way. I might be able to get you close enough to the border to sneak you over! (I'm from Texas, we know a few things about border sneaking.)

    "I usually only run when being chased by cops or potential murderers" -you sound just like me! I only run if there's a weapon involved!

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  2. My convo's with RPattz are 50/50. 50% have me acting a fool in front of him, stammering and umming and ahing. and the other 50% are like badly scripted soft porn scripts made for "skinemax."

    ; )

    (a girl can dream right?)

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  3. @Tasha - Sweet! Nothing like a little border crossing to put a little thrill in your life. It's only a misdemeanor if you get, right?

    @Lainey - Ok, ok, I admit that I might, on many occasions, have some... adult thoughts about RPatz but a co-worker put it into perspective one. I was saying something along the lines of 'oh, if I could only have one minute alone with RPatz I would...(fill in potentially naughty scenario here) and my co-worker looked at me asked, "Well, what will you do with the other fifty nine seconds?" lol.

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  4. hahaha....

    i see... I can only say I am glad that I will most likely NEVER meet the boy and won't have to worry.

    I am hoping I can at least form a coherent sentence that doesn't drive him away running.

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  5. Funny you posted this because I was just saying to my best friend that I would run away and HIDE if I ever saw RPattz. I'm even older than you (and no I'm not 'fessing up about how old I really am), so much so that I feel like a pedophile even looking at his photos(my best friend has threatened to turn me in). I'd probably have to go jump in the nearest fountain (a la Bella) to drown and myself as he (1) looked at me like I was a crack addicted grandmother and (2) call security who would then give me that Rodney King beat down... I'm thinking the running and hiding option sounds pretty good.

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  6. Dude, running and hiding totally beats the standing-there-with-mouth-hanging-open that I would do. The one time I met a famous guy - and he was a trumpet player in his 40s, not a dreamy sexpot like Rob - I just stood there. He put his hand out for me to shake it, and I just stared at it like a special kid (not to be offensive, but it's true).

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  7. I too hope to never meet Rpattz...because I would probably pee myself. need I say more?

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  8. LOL! I'm glad I'm not the only one who would do something mortifying in the presence of RPatz. lol.

    I've seen famous people before but this is just different...

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  9. I would do the whole, gob open- fish thing. A totally missed opportunity (of what? F*@k knows!!)

    :(

    -Corr

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  10. I can't stop reading your blog, not because I'm totally addicted to Twilight like you clearly are, lol, but because you have such a way with words, lol.

    As for meeting him, you know damn well you wouldn't high-tail it outta' there. You may get so nervous you'd throw up on his shoes, but you wouldn't run. If you're going to leave an impression on him, definitely leave him with something to remember you by. *wink*

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  11. @Koolio - LOL! I'm pretty sure upchucking on RPatz's shoes would certainly be memorable.

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  12. LMAO I would probably fucking cry like a fucking teenager who met N*Sync or something. (Note how I KNEW where that star went in their name. I'm just sayin I had stalkerish skillz back in the day)

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  13. LOL.
    This is hilarious. You gals are so funny. Glad to see it is so lighthearted.
    HMMM.
    I am in my mid thirties, and would not be star struck if I saw him. I work in Yorkville (TOronto) and see celebrities almost every week. Really, what would you say to them? Its kinda strange. If it was a normal conversation about maybe the book I was reading in the cafe I frequent, fine...conversation started. And to be totally honest, I can never pick them out when they are just walking around. Most celebs do not look as they do on film in the flesh. Last summer I had a 5 minute conversation with Scott Speedman, and dint realise it until after this girl came up to me and said Hey, thats Scott Speedman...Anyhow, back to what I was saying. If I were to run into Robert Pattinson, and we started talking by chance, I would maybe ask him what films he would consider. My suggestion would a film adaptation of On The Road, by: Jack Kerouac. An amazing novel. And would be a great Indie film.

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  14. Well, I'm a super late replier on this one.
    And it is far to late for me to make sense.

    However, my sleepy mind has just determined that while I COMPLETELY feel the same way (that I would run my thirty year old ass away from Mr. Pattinson as fast as my legs would carry me) I might instead ask him to take a picture with my mini Mr. Cullen...

    Because for some damn reason that would be the FUNNEST thing in the world to do.

    Hummm... or maybe I'm just tired. Either way, thoughts of seeing him, plus your newest post on sex are about to accompany me to bed. ;)

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  15. Also a late replier, but here goes anyways. I think I would just gawk from afar. I'm a total pansy.

    @cuteangiek--Hilarious. What a great idea.

    My fave thing about this blog so far (I'm still sorting through the posts) are the pics of little edward and his escapades. Keep it up, girlies!
    xoxo
    -darcey

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  16. I can't stop reading your blog, not because I'm totally addicted to Twilight like you clearly are, lol, but because you have such a way with words, lol.

    As for meeting him, you know damn well you wouldn't high-tail it outta' there. You may get so nervous you'd throw up on his shoes, but you wouldn't run. If you're going to leave an impression on him, definitely leave him with something to remember you by. *wink*

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  17. Dude, running and hiding totally beats the standing-there-with-mouth-hanging-open that I would do. The one time I met a famous guy - and he was a trumpet player in his 40s, not a dreamy sexpot like Rob - I just stood there. He put his hand out for me to shake it, and I just stared at it like a special kid (not to be offensive, but it's true).

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  18. Funny you posted this because I was just saying to my best friend that I would run away and HIDE if I ever saw RPattz. I'm even older than you (and no I'm not 'fessing up about how old I really am), so much so that I feel like a pedophile even looking at his photos(my best friend has threatened to turn me in). I'd probably have to go jump in the nearest fountain (a la Bella) to drown and myself as he (1) looked at me like I was a crack addicted grandmother and (2) call security who would then give me that Rodney King beat down... I'm thinking the running and hiding option sounds pretty good.

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