Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Mini Edward's a Stand-Up Kinda Vamp!

The other day I made an obligatory trip to the doctor's office [they lack confidence in my self-diagnosing know-how! the nerve!] and as usual, Edward didn't mind coming along to keep me company (I promised him there would be no blood involved).

Seeing as how it's been quite a few years since he's had the need for medical attention himself, he spent most of his time checking out the assorted medical devices and equipment in the exam room. This little grouping of tools caught his attention*: of course he had no issues whatsoever with the tuning fork; he has excellent hearing (we all know vampires hear everything--like it or not)! However, the reflex hammers really threw him for a loop... Apparently Edward hadn't been all that aware of his, er... "flexibility issues:" mini-Edward's knees just don't bend. [And seriously: for twenty bucks they couldn't have given him a few more movable joints?! WTF?? Those folks at Necca are cheap bastards...]

Exhibit A: Bendy Knees

Exhibit B: Not-So-Bendy Knees

With the harsh reality of his single imperfection upon him, Edward got pretty bummed... Sure, he accompanied me to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription after we left the doctor's office and tried to act like everything was okay, but he just wasn't quite himself... Sulking, a tad pouty, wouldn't make eye contact...

Next time I think I'll just make an appointment with Carlisle... That would likely have made things easier for everyone, to say nothing of the potential financial savings (don't even get me started on my crappy medical insurance! JJ has discussed how Edward feels about our collective potty-mouths and this subject gets me so hopped up!) Besides, Carlisle has a super-vamp-alicious bedside manner, and who could resist getting in on a little bit of that action???

The Doctor is definitely "in".

*Taking this picture of mini-Edward in the exam room was a close call! It was as nerve-racking as that time when JJ snapped a shot of Edward in the break room at her office... I managed to capture the moment not a second too soon! The end of my office visit was thisclose to ending as follows:

Dr: Well then, Ms. Snarkier Than You, we'll see you next... Wait--what in the world ARE you doing??? What IS that?
STY: Um, this is Edward... He's -
Dr.: I Seeeeeee... [frowns, glances at clipboard, starts scribbling]
STY: [feebly attempts to explan] Well, uh, you see, it's a joke, really. Um, my friend and I--
Dr.: I see your insurance is through Debtna...
STY: Er, yeah - you want me to leave now, right?
Dr.: Actually, Ms. STY, that insurance allows 12 outpatient psychiatric visits annually. [speaking softly so as not to scare the crazy lady] I can recommend a wonderful therapist... No? Perhaps you and your little friend would like to step back into my office to discuss this further??? [motions for people to bring on the straitjacket]


  1. HILARIOUS. Love that you go to Target for you drugs. Target ROCKS

  2. haha! that post just made my day!

  3. @Marybeth - thanks for the comment! I [heart] me some Tar-jay, too! If they sold booze there I probably would never need to shop anywhere else...

    @kdgrimmer - glad you liked it! I figured I would do my part to post something funny after TwiCrack crushed us all this morning with her "Twilight Audition Tape!" post... : )

    (If anyone somehow managed to miss this -

  4. @STY- seriously! I was totally rickrolled and wanted to punch somebody in the face! fo sho! I should have known better...gawh!

  5. Oh. My. Goodness.

    I was trying really hard not to make a scene at work, sitting in my quiet cubicle trying not to laugh. I have to tell my friends about this blog!

  6. @ lildonbro

    Thank you!!! We love nothing more than possibly getting people fired from their jobs because they were reading our blog. ;)

    And trust me, I definitely know how you feel!! lol. My boss thinks I'm beserk.

  7. i had to stop reading your blog at work. i laughed entirely too much.

  8. @ Lainey:

    Mwahaha! stupendous! Our plan is working!! ;)

  9. Did you guys see Robsessed's pick of R. Pattz in Little Ashes???

  10. @ Lildonbro & Lainey:
    If I can add to my list [current list: 1) JJ] of people who are getting major sideways glances at work and possibly spewing stuff/snorteling at their computer monitors every now and again, my work here is done. Er, I mean...just getting started!

    And we did see the LA/"tuck" pick - over at Pillow Biter - coincidentally (or not...), we both honed right in on the smutty stuff! JJ came thisclose to shrieking "oh my gawd where's his penis?!" in her tony NYC office.

    @ Stephanie:
    Yes, they are TOTALLY cheap bastards! I mean, I can buy a Transformer with 87 moving parts at Target for $5.99, but for Edward and all of his 10 or so semi-moving limbs I have to shell out twenty bucks?! I'm considering customizing his knees - lol...

  11. I was laughing so hard, I hwas afraid that I was going to wake the kiddos! Your blog is hilarious!!!!

  12. OMG ladies, seriously, I am DYING! Just found your blog last night and I've been trolling through it most of the day. I made DH read this one and look at the pictures and even HE laughed hysterically. (He has been very patient about my Twiddiction). Anyways, I'll prob. comment on every one of these old posts because they are so damn funny. Keep it up girls, and I hope you don't get tired of hearing from me!!

  13. Yep it's official, if I'm having a bad day I know I can always count on Twitarded to brighten my day! I'm close to falling out of my chair from laughing so hard!


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