Snarkier Than You is Holding My Books Hostage

{This is what happens when you start a post about the other author on your blog... and she has access to edit your shit. }

To my dearest STY, my lovable BFF Jerkface.

Give me my fecking New Moon book back. I am going through New Moon withdrawal and it's been, I believe, at least one month since I've last read it. Yeah, yeah, I know I've read it a gazillion trillion times but. I. Want. It. Back. Now. [ed. note from STY - You know where I live - walk over there and get it, you lazy be-yatch.]

If necessary I will bring in DH and ML for hostage mediation. It won't be pretty for both of us, you know. And if they toss us in the loony bin together and I still haven't read New Moon again - just remember, I don't sleep. You do.

It's feels like eons since I flipped through those lonely heartbreaking chapters... dammit!
Was it November, December, January? Look what you've done to me, STY. LOOK AT ME!!! I need to read Bella's heartbreak and get all emo about it. Never mind the fact that if she were a real living person I'd probably tell her to buck it up and have a one night stand (but I guess that doesn't fit into the whole abstinence shtick, does it?). But she's fictional, and sweet [unlike you, on both counts...], and I want to read about how she cracks her skull open on the motor bike. Over and over again.

I really don't want to take drastic measures, what with you being my bff and all. But if I don't get New Moon back soon, I might have to take some collateral... like Quato. Don't think I won't do it!! I meet need a pair (or four) of falconer gloves and a suit of armor, but I'll get that damn cat! [Now I know for certain that your threats are idle. She scares the bejesus out of you. All she has to do is look at you like this and you practically pee yourself. BOO!! See? You jumped - admit it!]

So, please, bff Jerkface. Give me my fucking book back.

P.S. - Can I have Eclipse and Breaking Dawn too? [No.]

Another edit from JJ - {Clasps hands together like evil tyrant about to take over the world} We shall see, STY... we shall see... MUHWAWAWA!!!

UPDATE - It seems that BFF (such a freaking)Jerkface thinks she's soooooooo funny. Because I got a text this morning that went something like this:

OME say Nyah, nyah, nyah

Update from STY: It's occurred to me that I've been slightly-less-than-gracious in the way I've been handling this whole thing. Since technically half of the books in question actually do belong to JJ, and she was kind enough to loan them to me, I should stop being such a bad borrower{{{sniffle - sorry JJ!}}}. After all, I am eternally indebted to her, as this whole Twilight thing was her fault idea and if it wasn't for my obsession with Twilight I'd probably have enough spare time to do other things like maybe find the cure for cancer or establish world peace be lost.

So thanks to Twicrack doing her usual job of spreading the Twi-love [with the glaring exception of her April Fool's prank - we still haven't gotten over that here at Twitarded...] and posting this coupon for Twilight merchandise, I'll be heading over to Borders to round out my own person collection of the Twilight Sage and will return JJs book to their rightful home. On second thought, JJ, you still have to walk your butt to my place to get them. You threatened to torch my car and I'm not driving anywhere near your place, you little pyro freak (love you! mwah!).