And ask you did. Some were serious, some were deep, and some were just balls-to-the-wall-what-the-fuck?!-you-need-to-take-your-meds-level inquiries. Which of course we loooooved!
It's true - we loved them all! And tonight we'll be doing our first round of answers.
Twitarded Mom asks: Do you have any tattoos or piercings? If so, were they inspired by Twilight and/or FanFic? I'm a big sissy who has never had any tattoos or piercings. My hubby has brought the idea of piercings up a number of times, but it's never gone anywhere because their is pain involved. Did I mention I'm a sissy? After reading Clipped Wings & Inked Armour a couple times, I wanted to share it with my other half. He had no interest in the plot, so I skipped ahead to the juicy stuff. The day after I started reading to him about Tatward & Inkella having hot sex, we went out & got pierced. He got barbells in his penis and I got both nipples & my clit (just like Bella)
I have a life-size image of Edward Cullen on my back. My husband really enjoys looking at him while he's taking me doggy-style. But no, it wasn't inspired by Twilight.... Bwaaaahaha! Just kidding. I don't have ANY tattoos YET! And the only thing on my body that's pierced (unfortunately) is my ears. Although, I've always wanted my eyebrow pierced.
First of all, my clitoris just read that paragraph, yelped and begged me to keep needles far, far away from her. Oh, and my nipples thought about it for a second before heading to the hills, too.
And sissy, you most certainly are not.
I also have to give you major kudos. We Twitards tend to be of an age where this sort of thing would cause an eyebrow to raise, since it can't be readily dismissed as "teenage rebellion".
And this, TwitardedMom, is why you just rocked my socks off. Seriously.
In answer to your question -- I have six tattoos and have had a total of 18 piercings in my lifetime, though most of those were in my ears. I have had my septum pierced twice, the side of my nose and my belly button. I let some stupid 16 year old boy pierce my belly button in his bed room and it hurt like a mother fucking bitch which is why, nearly 17 years later, I refuse to take that fucker out.
I'm pretty much done with the piercing but I sure as fuck would like to get a few more tattoos, much to ML's chagrin. No Twitarded ones, though. I look back on how many times I came close to getting band logos tattooed on me, only to despise them years later.
Snarkier Than You:
Wow!! Go Twitarded Mom & Mr. Mom!!
The most piercings I have had is five, all in my ears (and I can't wear earings anymore so now I have none). I considered getting my nose pierces when I was in college (and piercings were not so commonplace) but decided it wasn't for me. I also thought about a naval piercing until Mr. Snarky reminded me that I cringe in pain when my belly button is even touched and probably wouldn't take kindly to someone sticking a ginormous needle through it. I don't have any tattoos at present but wouldn't rule it out in the future. I can't see getting Edward's mug on my bicep, but something that has some veiled reference to the Twidom definitely isn't out of the question.
Well! That was relatively painless, despite the line of questioning...
Next we have a 27-part question from the ever-entertaining Hypoallergenic Vagina...
Swear to shit, this is what I got when I google image searched "hypoallergenic". Not even vagina. Or pussy. It's purrrrrfect...
What are your "hard limits"?
1) in fanfic
2) in FFFOOORRRRKKKSSSSS
3) in bed?
1) Yeesh, way to start off with the question/answer session a bang, literally. I have no limits in FanFic but I do have a hard time with the slash stuff. The only slash I’ve read is The Trip Home and while it was fucking vag tingling for the most part, the boy on boy action made me cringe a little bit. For me, it was kind of like a sexual train wreck… I wanted to look away but I just couldn’t. So now I just sort of steer clear of the boys-sucking-cock stuff (not that there's anything wrong with that...).
2) Absolutely no hard limits in Fooooooorrrrks. If anyone hears me utter the word “turpentine,” please smack me [JJ's note: Everyone heard that!! She gave permission!!]. There’s a reason why I didn’t even consider asking anyone from real life to attend this epic event. Ain’t nothing gonna break-a my stride, nobody gonna hold me down, oh NO!
3) Now in bed… that’s a tricky one. I’ve always and forever said that butt sex is an absolute hard limit. I often joke with my friends that I need to have ‘Exit Only’ tattooed on my ass just in case I pass out and there’s any question whether or not I want the pecker in the pooper. But I’ve started to rethink my stance… I think I’d let RPattz totally stick it in my butt… if he wanted to, that is.
Damn, Hypo-Vag, you don't fuck around, do you? Oh wait... never mind.
1) Hard limits in fic? I'd like to think I'm an open-minded chick and I'm pretty cool with all the debauchery the various Twilight characters find themselves in. While I might feel a little squeamish with the super duper hard S&M shit, for the most part I enjoy it all.
HOWEVER. There is actually one hard limit I DO have. I can't read Rob porn or Robsten porn or any porn that portrays the actors rather than their characters. It just makes me feel kind of squiffy inside, which is ridiculously ironic since I am always hypothetically jumping his bones.
2) In Fooooorks? Wait, we're talking general debauchery, right? Well, I promised Mommy (not a)Jerkface I wouldn't tell her if I got arrested so... fuck it, the sky's the limit. As long as the good people of Forks don't storm the motel with torches and pitchforks because we've done something they disapprove of, I think I can handle anything. You see, it's not so much the action that makes me pause, but the consequence...
3) In bed, hmmmm. I know I talk about poop and bodily functions on this blog but if anyone ever tried to actually shit or pee on me I'd rip his nuts off, shove them through his ear and pull them out of his nose -- that constitutes a hard limit, right?
And, while I may or may not be down for a little spanky-spanky, caning is WAY the fuck out. Like Bella from MotU, definitely no canes.
Other than that I think I could be persuaded to just pretty much anything...
Snarkier Than You:
1) In Fanfic? I think everyone has made fun of me enough 'round these parts for not keeping up on fanfic, so it's no secret that I haven't read a ton... What I have read? Well, let's just say the dirtier, the better. I can't say that I get into the "slash" stuff I've come across, but that's only because I am selfish and there's no room for my vagina amongst all those penises.
2) In Forks? No streaking (for me - the rest of you go and reenact a scene from "Old School" if the mood strikes you). No fighting. Be nice. Tip your bartenders. Don't judge. But mostly, bring it on - anything goes!
3) In Bed? I'm with those other twat waffles that anything that leaves a welt is out for me... I don't share or play well with others. I'd freak out if someone tried to gag me (and not just because I talk too much). If you attempt to choke me I will kick you in the nuts and go kung foo on your ass. There's a LOT of stuff that I haven't tried given my taste in fanfic... Just because I like to read about it doesn't mean I want to go to there! That said, I'm with LKW and am considering the laser-removal of my "Exit Only" tattoo. Just in case...
And more from Hypo Vag...
I hear you're all "best friends forever" (or until this post goes up, as the case may be). How nice for you. Really.Latchkey Wife:
What are a few of the things you've sworn never to out each other about (on the blog, IRL, at bible study)? Note that I am assuming bible study requires a separate category than IRL.
Well, actually… JJ and STY are BFFs and knew each other long before I weaseled my way into this equation. And come to think about it, they’ve never sworn not to out me about anything… fuck me. This sounds like blackmail fodder to me. Oh gawd, I hope they never meet Mr. Latchkey Wife. All fucking hell will break loose!! Jeezus fuck I hope I never do anything to piss them off enough to spill all my sordid bloggy secrets to the hubs. We’re talking D-vorce!
Well, it's true that STY and I have known each other for quite some time. We've pretty much been partners in crime since that first day I saw her lurking in the corner at a party, silently judging everyone and like Alice, I just knew we'd be the best of (albeit bitchy) friends.
Honestly, I don't have too much on STY -- if she's a serial killer or something she keeps that on the DL. Now, she does have a thing or two on me but I'm confident that she won't use it. Rumor has it I'm temperamental...
Oh, and Latchkey, before I forget -- do you play the lottery? You might want to so you can afford the blackmail money I'm going to request shortly after Foooorks. And trust me when I say I have evidence stockpiled.
Snarkier Than You:
Given that Mr. LKW is in the dark about his wife's bloggy, RPatts-lusting ways, we DO have quite a bit we could out her on... However, we happen to know that she lives in a heavily armed fortress and would sic her hell-hound on us if we ever showed up on her doorstep with the intention of spilling the beans (yeah, I know, she says that her dog George spends his days in doggy daycare, be I happen to suspect that he's really in attack-dog commando training. Release the hounds!!!
Grrrrrr... I am vicious and I will rip your face off!
And lastly, the cream of the crop from Hypo Va-jay-jay...
All three of you have made it to FFFOOOORRRRRRKKKKKSSSSSS with apx. 50 Twitards in tow. The three of you are camped out in a hotel room getting ready for the day's adventures. A mysterious letter and package is delivered. The letter is from Rob's management. As it turns out, Rob doesn't know anything about Twitarded, but has learned that there are 50 adult fans partying in Forks. He has graciously offered to spend 30 minutes with his fans later this afternoon. You are offered the choice of:
• 3 one-on-one fan meetings lasting 10 minutes each
• 1 30 minute meeting with up to 3 fans
• 1 10 minute appearance for all 50 fans
STY and LKW begin a highly philosophical discussion about this sudden moral and ethical dilemma. JJ scizzors the mysterious package securely between her thighs and frantically gnaws it open with her teeth. Oh the dazzlement! It contains the Stoli, the beanie and the sexpenders. An enclosed note says Rob has heard his fans might enjoy having them, but you are prohibited from selling them or putting them up for charity.
No one knows anything about this but the three of you. WHAT DO YOU DO?Latchkey Wife:
My choice – 1 30 minute meeting for up to 3 fans.
But I am definitely NOT the right person to be answering this question. I’m a selfish little bitch who would like RPattz all to herself! So what would I do… well, that’s easy! As soon as the package is opened, I would immediately tie JJ and STY up with the sexpenders, cut the beanie in two and fashion blindfolds for each, then I would strip naked and dress myself in nothing but the Stoli shirt, awaiting my chance to seduce Rob for the whole 30 minutes – all for me. Me me me me me! Sorry guys…the truth comes out. I’m truly a selfish whore. Please don’t hate me, or upper decker me in Forks. [I’m looking at you, JJ!]
I'm going to make no bones about - I'm a selfish twat. I'd totally choose the one thirty-minute session for up to three fans. Naturally, the other two fans would be LKW and STY, who I'm sure are going to make a beeline to the bathroom to freshen themselves up. In the meantime, I'll barricade them in, pay the motel dude whatever spending money they have stashed in their purses for another room and meet RPattz there... wearing nothing but the stoli shirt and beanie. I figure he could find a way to incorporate the sexpenders into our, ahem, "meetup".
Snarkier Than You:
Wow what total evil twats the both of you are!!! I swear I just read through every combination in the Creative Cursing book and nothing sounded dirty enough to sufficiently express my indignity. I would go for the 10-minute meeting with 50 fans. That way we could have a crowd of chicks to block the doors and deal with assorted security dudes, PR flacks, and Manager Nick while we have
Well, there you have it! The first installment of Twitarded Tells All! Hope you've enjoyed the ride. Ask us more questions please... we love it! Remember - email@example.com, and title your email "Ask Twitarded."