Hello Twitards – this is Office Snarky here and this is my first post, so be gentle with me.
It all started with STY and her Twilight obsession. She showed me the awesome photos that she and JJ took with their mini-Edward dolls – I thought they were hilarious, but… Twilight? Really? Isn’t that for, like… teenagers? Not that I’m a model of maturity, but c’mon, Twilight?
Then my sister-in-law went Twi-loco. She, along with her two teenage daughters, made their collective Twilight obsession apparent on Christmas day. For Christmas one daughter made her mom a video montage of RPatt. The other daughter gave her some other Twilight related thing. They were showing me Twilight fan videos on You Tube. The entire first book and movie were explained to me – in painful detail – by all of them. It was Twi-fest, and my husband and I sat looking at each other, stupefied. The girls, okay – but mom? You’ve lost your mind too?
Then someone came to the door with one last Christmas present – a near life-sized cardboard standee of RPatt. The girls jumped up and down and squeeeeeed! – but my sis-in-law did the female equivalent of jizzing in her pants. She grabbed the standee and humped it – so help me God, she humped it. Humped it right there in front of baby Jesus, on his birthday no less.
I’m not interested in dissecting the teenage girl Twi-connection, it’s the 30/40/50+ somethings with the Twi-bug that interests me. It was famed sex researcher Alfred Kinsey, Ph.D. who told us that women had more orgasms in their thirties than at any other time in their lifespan and this increased sexual satisfaction can then result in desiring more sex. Oh, and desire it we ladies do! I’ve heard that my sis-in-law’s vibrator is about to get a restraining order against her.
And nothing seems to have hit that nerve in recent history like Twilight. I'm not sure what it is... The older fans might not be tackling Robert Pattinson in the street like the younger crazies, but it's certainly not due to lack of desire! Perhaps the "fans of a certain age" have just learned how to keep those frenzy-inducing primordial hormones in check?
Does Edward's status as an [ahem] "mature" vampire have anything to do with it? Are a boatload of women looking to make up for all the bad sex we had to endure until we found guys old enough to have a clue about what a clitoris is and where to find it? And why did it take so long?
Is it the hope that a vampire who is over 100 years old knows his way around the female anatomy, and since he happens to be packaged in a hot young bod, it's ok to be lust after him even at our age? We may never know...
In the meantime, Bella, honey, cute though you may be, you're still a child with no idea what you're doing. Why not step aside and let a real woman handle this one? A vampire of a certain age needs someone with more experience. And she's not 17.
Here it is...your moment of Robert Pattinson
3 hours ago