Tuesday, June 23, 2009
New Moon Book Cover Goes Bodice-Ripper!
Okay, okay. I HAVE to put my two (or three, or ten dollars worth) cents about this new New Moon book cover that was recently released (info. courtesy of EW.com)... WTF?! Did they hire some down-on-their-luck Harlequin Romance cover hack to throw that hot mess together??? I don't even have photoshop and I could have manipulated the whole "Edward/man-on-the-moon" thing better! Nice shadowing, people - if you wanted Edward's nose to look phallic, your work is done! It's a classic pose...for a cheesey dollar-store bodice-ripper.
I've never been a fan of the "Now a Major Motion Picture!" book covers to begin with, but... Let's get the obvious out of the way, shall we? Never mind that they seem to have gone the Fabio-esqe way of really lame romance novel covers but... isn't Jacob supposed to be Bella's friend? I can only speak for myself but, in general, I don't go around 'tunin' in Tokyo' on my BFF's chest, you know? And the expression on her face is not exactly "friendly." It's... bedroom-y. As in sex, if I need to spell it out (which I strongly suspect I don't, given the nature of our readers). Did the person who made this even read the book? Because I am thinking maybe not...
Secondly, this is totally ruining all the angsty wah-wah-ness of New Moon for me!!! Um, helloooooo, Bella is supposed to be upset--tortured! writhing in emo-pain!--that Edward dumped her ass!! She was a near-catatonic zombie, remember? Charlie thought he was going to have to have her committed - she was THAT upset about Edward leaving. Scroll back up, look at that book cover - does she look upset to you?
NO! She looks like she's about to lick that tattoo off of Jacob's arm and then do other really naughty dirty things to him with her tongue. Her mind's clearly on doing Jake and then whipping up a couple of ham sandwiches afterwards.
Which brings me to third point: isn't the Twilight series supposed to be geared toward tweens? Young adults? Did you all SEE the younguns hanging out on the set of "Remember Me"? Stuffing their little-girl love notes into every available nook and cranny of Robward's car? Yeah, them.
New Moon is about coming to terms with heartbreak and loss. It's gut-wrenching. It's about finding a friend in the face of adversity. It's NOT about contemplating boning said friend (though, admittedly, she does think about it in her sweet Bella way...).
This book cover is NOT New Moon. Unless New Moon is actually a trashy romance novel where Jacob takes his purple headed warrior and -
Never mind. I've said my piece.