Tuesday, June 2, 2009

New Moon Trailer - A Twitarded Critique

I still get 'drool face' over this picture...

Jenny Jerkface here – like so many of you here (ok, all of you), my lovely cohort STY and I have been watching the New Moon trailer like fat ladies on a donut. We’ve read many of your critiques, complaints, and accolades of the trailer, so we wanted to return the favor by giving you ours. Not like you asked for it or anything.

Therefore, we’ve decided to do another joint post. We’re sorry. We offer you and olive branch in the form of... yup, you guessed it.




Okay, first things first - I get that we are potentially going WAY overboard with our critique of a one minute forty two second clip but come on, the movie isn't out yet and we need to occupy ourselves somehow. Cut us some slack, you. There is only so much Robward/Twilight fan fiction a girl can read before her clitoris screams 'STOP TOUCHING ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!"

Here are the things we liked:

Snarkier Than You -
The makeup looks a lot better. I had a major issue with that in Twilight. If I ever meet the person who did makeup in that movie, I will give her such a smack… Seriously; is it THAT hard to use a makeup sponge to blend the white into the flesh? Has nobody ever told her that a demarcation line is a bad thing? For that matter, why not just splurge and cover the whole neck and all skin showing with white makeup?? I have seen better makeup jobs in high school plays. All that makeup artist had to do was take a few tips from this site on how to look like a Cullen.

Everyone seems very serious - like they're going to capture a lot of the emotion of the story well. R-Patts sounds like he's been working on his accent (thankfully - give that voice coach a trophy! I think...). His faux-American accent was pretty lame in Twilight. I leaned over several times to ask JJ if it was more Christopher Walken, Tony Soprano, or some odd bastardization of the two. Either way, not good for “average teen in Forks”-sound imho.

So far, Taycob looks believable as a love interest (I still have mixed feeling on this - would have been nice if he was a little older but seeing him in the trailer made me think I MIGHT be able to have enough suspension of disbelief at the ready to not let the fact that he's not even 18 yet (and won't be if the movie releases on time - sorry!) ruin the movie. And yes I know that Kristen Stewart was only 17 during some of the filming of Twilight but that was a little different... After checking out some pictures over at Pillow Biter, I've come to the realization that boy is too hot for a minor - we are all going to jail. Rumor has it some folks over there are starting a “bail fund.” And we're happily contributing.

JJ – Agreed. Taycob is definitely hawt, even though I feel filthy admitting that. All I know is that I generally consider 'bail' an 'emergency' and have budgeted accordingly, so I should be good. STY, on the other hand... good luck with that. [note from STY: I have bailed people out of jail. At 2 a.m. on a weekend. It ain't pretty but I know the ropes and the people you save from entering the general jail population are indebted to you forever. Don't knock good credit.]

The makeup looks SO much better BUT... Edward still looks like he's sporting a lot of lipstick.

Laurent’s eyes look awesome. I was so bent that the contacts were so blatantly obvious in Twilight. It ruined it. Then again, if STY had never pointed this out to me in the first place, I probably wouldn't have noticed... so I'm not sure who to blame about this - STY or the makeup bitch [STY - definitely makeup bitch. And whoever thought nobody would notice the close-ups where you could see the contact lenses].

The special effects look FUCKING great. No more silly sped up vampires. I swear I almost fall out of my seat every time I watch the scene when Edward opens the car door for Bella at chez Cullen for the first time. Nice try, glad the interns had fun with it, but L-A-M-E.

I liked how much “darker” it seemed. As someone quipped during the live-blogging done by TwiCrack, LTT/LTR, Lauren's Bite, and New Moon Movie mega-live-stream during the MTV Movie awards, “Chris Weitz, you are my life now.”

The vampires are a lot smoother looking in the trailer. In Twilight, they seemed too...over-the-top, almost caricatures of themselves. For a group of people who wanted to keep out of the limelight, they sure did a poor job of it. In the NM trailer, however, they look polished. Perfect. Just right.

I know STY will disagree but I liked the whole 'dead meadow' thing. She thinks otherwise.

Now the fun stuff. Things we didn’t like about the trailer:

JJ - Did not like the whole Jacob/wolf segue thing. It ruined any suspense regarding the wolf transformation. Granted, unless you've been living under a rock or are too lazy to have read the books [in which case we have absolutely no sympathy for you], you have to have some gist of what Twilight/New Moon is about, but they shouldn’t have made it that obvious. I know it's astonishing, but there are people out there that will go see the movie without having the tiniest idea of what's it about [STY: screw them...]. The blatant 'JACOB IS A FUCKING WOLF' thing is the movie version of premature ejaculation.

While KStew seems... less twitchy, she still seems a wee bit... tense.

Ok, this isn't in the trailer but... does Jacob Black have a tattoo? On his right arm? Can this possibly make him hotter? Why yes, yes it can.

{{Shakes head, pulls self out of potentially illegal gutter}} Ahem. Oh yeah, where was I? The wolf itself. Seemed pretty cheese to me. We’ll see.

STY - I christen thee “Rabid Lassie.”


Really that’s all the bad stuff we said?? That doesn’t sound like us AT ALL.

Meadow scene? Salting the earth?? Someone went overboard with “dead vegetation” but no biggie…

Intro music does not have the same wallop as the Twilight trailer… THAT music still give me chills… “WOOOOOHHHOOOWOOOHOOOOOO…Nothing will EVER be the same…” {{{shudder}}}

Sunken living room/new house = blah! Stephenie Meyer made such a point of describing the sun-soaked rooms. Even though the house in Twilight was mod and nothing like SM described, it worked. Who knows - maybe this will be OK when we see more of it too but for right now the set-finder-person (there is a name for this but it is escaping me at the moment… “location scout” I think??) = epic fail on the house.

So there you have it. All I can say is that I loved Twilight, even though I hated so many parts of it. New Moon is shaping up to be spec-fucking-tacular. Not only is there Edward but... wolf pack, anyone?

35 comments:

  1. HOLY SHIZ!!! Jacob is HAWT!!!

    Ok, got that out of the way.

    I cannot wait for November. I enjoyed this trailer. I love the whole phasing thing. I was scared to see what they were gonna do with it. I can see your point that it ruins some of the surprise for those that didn't read the books. I say FUCK them, we are already knew this and we are the ones that count.

    I love that the trailer looked darker and I love Chris Weitz for that. Can RPattz get any hotter?! On that note, who the FUCK dressed him for the VMAs? I KNOW he didn't cuz he didn't show up in a black t shirt and jeans.

    Thank God for DVRs cuz I have been replaying this bitch to no end! On my big screen and putting Jacob in slo mo!

    When I saw the pics of Taylor Lautner on Perezhilton, my effing mouth watered. When is this boy turning 18 so we don't have to keep on the DL that we are jonesing for this boy?

    Just got home from having some drinks with the girls. We have decided that we will go opening night and not effing care that we are going to be surrounded by teeny boppers. We aren't even gonna take our nieces and kids as cover ups.

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  2. i agree with the makeup thing... in twilight there r scenes where bella looks just as if not more pale then edward, the make-up/contacts r a big upgrade hrmm wut else....... the jacobshirtless then running and laurant thing, i knew it was differ scenes but still it was a lil stupid to put em that way ......... i guess thats it, i loved it .....


    ..... BTW i dont have to feel like a full perv for saying taycob is freakin hot nemore. my friend informed me, after i said i felt like a borderline pedophile for thinking taylor was good lookin specially with his shirt off, that the AGE OF CONSENT in RI is 17!!!!! hahaha

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  3. Totally with you on your breakdown! I think Laurent's makeup is weird tho. He looks, um, blue or something?

    And i was a tad disappointed with the wolf. I'm hoping it was a rush thru sort of thing and it will get an upgrade in the actual film.

    I'm willing to wait!

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  4. I'm betting that a lot of the increase "smoothness" is due to a larger budget. Different director probably plays a part as well, but after the first movie took off like it did, this one probably has a much larger budget. More money equals prettier stuff. They probably also had more time as well, due in part to more money.

    I have sort of given up on locations like houses and stuff looking right, so I just try to flow with it and hope the whole story goes together well. Most likely I will spend this whole movie awaiting Italy...just like the book :D

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  5. I perfectly agree with your critics, actually i waited for a post from you since the trailer came out:-)

    The trailer is awesome and i love it, i just hate waiting till november!! Actually i would have to wait till january, cause here in Germany release is later. So i hope i get some compassion from you girls!!!
    Anyway, i have to catch my friend and make a trip to London in November, because waiting is definitely not an option!

    Also i have to admit that Taylor look somehow hot, one just has to forget his age otherwise i would fell..uhmm embarrassed???:-) Just, i didn´t like the werewolf stuff in the trailer, don´t get me wrong it was cool (just bit small), but i would have like to see it first on big screen...

    I´m pretty sure the Cullen House is still the same than the one in Twilight, it´s just the inside which is different. And i´m pretty sure Bella´s birthday party takes place in the evening, so no sunlight:-)

    What really made me sad (... i tried not to cry..) was Bella´s face in the meadow scene with Laurent. This makes me hopeful to see really Bella´s pain. (New Moon is my favorite, so she shouldn´t screw it up!!)

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  6. I agree with much of what you said. That wolf looks too damn cute & cuddly. In general the makeup looks more polished but WAY too much lipstick on Rob - I'm surprised he's not leaving little Edward lipstick marks on Bella's kissed cheek!

    Yes, Taylor's pretty buff, but being an Edward girl through and through, you can keep my share of the bail $$$. I'll take Robward's pale, lean, mildly fuzzy sexy MAN physique any day.

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  7. Rabid Lassie! LOL!! I was a little disappointed in the wolf too. I don't know what I was hoping for but I don't feel like they nailed it. Jacob is hot and I think he'll make a believable love interest for Bella but Holy Hotness RPattz is SO FREAKING HOTTY-HOT-HOT in this preview!!!!! I wanted to cry in the breakup scene only because I didn't want to see him leave the screen!! I don't know what's going to be worse, my drooling or well.... Anyway, definite step up from Twilight. Now only 169 days until I can get my full dose of crack.

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  8. Sorry if I get lengthy here but hey, this is a big deal, right? I loved the trailer. I agree you guys when you say New Moon is going to be spec-fucking-tacular! Yes, much better job on the make-up with the exception of the lipstick, come on people, how hard is it to find a shade that doesn't make Edward look like an old lady? But the hair... oh, the hair (pant pant pant) looks so much better in this movie. What I wouldn't give to be gripping it in the throws of passion...

    OK, focus... Jacob does look hot. I've never been much of a Taycob fan, but with that extra 30 pounds of muscle (and the tattoo?), yeah, I'd like to do bad things with him (when he turns 18 of course!) Now the wolf... I think the transformation is amazing, but the wolf I pictured to be much bigger and darker brown. It looks just a tad cartoonish for me.

    Laurent's makeup looks amazing! I love how they made him look a little more pasty and his eyes are crazy! I can't wait to see the Volturi.

    Is it November yet? I'm dying over here...

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  9. "Cut us some slack, you. There is only so much Robward/Twilight fan fiction a girl can read before her clitoris screams 'STOP TOUCHING ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!" < that made me laugh so much, seriously. :)

    Hmm, anyway - I kind of hated the first movie thanks to bad directing and KStews terrible acting... but at least it looks like as far as directing goes, it's improved (Chris has gotten rid of the annoying blue tint - awesome) but Kristen's acting seemed even worse in the trailer than she was in Twilight *facepalm*

    Did you notice the weird freaky eyebrow twitch she does when she says "kiss me"? That bit made me laugh.

    Oh and I agree the make-up is so much better this time... the only one they messed up was Jasper, well, that was more his hair that they messed up. I liked his freaky Twihair but his NM hair makes him look like he tried to comb out some weird 70's style afro or his hair dryer malfunctioned. O.o

    Esme looked so gorgeous in the birthday scene, in Twilight they dressed her and did her hair and make-up like some sort of stepford mum or something but in NM she looks great. :D

    ...I'll shut up now. O.o

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  10. Bigger budget, different make-up people, and NO Catherine Hardwicke this time around will make all the difference in the world.

    I agree with your take on the RPattz accent, from the little snippets we got, it sounds WAY better.

    Less twitching for bitchface is a good thing. She *should* be able to nail angst with her eyes shut. Just...for the love of all things unholy, PLEASE STOP TWITCHING. And, while you're at it, stop rolling your eyes and making your hands do weird things...it's not pretteh.

    Jacob...ah, Jacob. I'm a Team Edward girl all the way, but I'd gladly deal with the fleas after a lie-down with that dog. Get me a shock-collar, STAT! Jailbat is looking HAWT.

    BTW - the tats are a wolf pack thing. They're all gonna have them. SEXY. The wolfpack is also going to contribute to girls (and women) rubbing their nubs raw.

    Loved the dead meadow, and I thought the fursplosion was really good. I had hoped the wolves would be bigger, but I strongly suspect that what we saw was only the most preliminary and raw first passes for special effects. I figure the color will change for sure and I hope they make them bigger....

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  11. I could leave another page of notes on that trailer - I don't care if it is under two minutes, there's a lot going on!! LOOOVE Jasper flying through the air in the b-day scene. HATE the fact that Edward doesn't seem to be doing the "I'm leaving because I don't want you" thing that happens in the book (if they don't have him say "It will be as if I never existed," Melissa Rosenwhatever will go on my shit-list next to the Twilight makeup lady and NM location scout... granted it's already a long list but there's always room for a few more offenders...).

    And I am glad that Taylor (gah - even his name sounds young...) looks [forgive me for saying it. again] hot but we are all going to jail or are going to have to register as [potential] sex offenders or something if this keeps up...
    : )

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  12. OK - I've only seen the trailer online NOT on the big screen. So this maybe tainting my impression.
    But I was not a fan of the trailer. Did not like the pacing (I'm a commercial editor). Did not like the music. Did not like the performances - and that has everything to do with the director. kristen's flat voiceover and Rob's too. I think they whipped that together quickly for the awards. i hope the future trailers improve..ALOT. I just didn't feel the buy in I was hoping for. it felt flat. Take out the transformation..and?? for me not much. Yeah they look better..that's good.woot woot. OK - I know i sound like the lamest pessimist in your whole blog. Fuck it. I guess i am. But I promised Stacy207 to keep an open mind. so I am a good friend. So I will. But if we gain special effects l;ike a great wolf and a very fab sparkle..will we lose that je ne sais quois?

    ok i had to end on that downer. damn. open mind..open mind..open mind.

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  13. @Danny - If you have to wait until January to see the movie you're going to have to ban yourself from the internet!! LOL. That sucks! Better call your London friend! :)

    The special effects just look so much better, so I'm excited for that. But the whole wolf sequence thing just annoys me for some reason. I like how you see his tattered clothes flying off but wolf is, as Latchkey Wife said, a bit cartoonish.

    Oh,@lanna-lovely - Never noticed the eyebrow twitch before. Just watched again. Too funny!

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  14. @JJ: you´re right 2 month internet ban ? no way..! Beside that i would have to live with the knowledge that you guys all saw it probably more then once.. Ok this would be hell! good that my hubby thinks, flying to GB just to watch a movie is already so crazy that he likes it and is so happy that he doesn´t need to fly with me:-)

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  15. I just watched it a couple more times.... what the fuck have they done to Jasper's hair? Gross...

    @JJ - And why aren't you locked up somewhere working on the next chapter of 15 Step...?? Who let you out?

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  16. ha ha you guys crack me up!

    But I agree with you why oh why did they show Jacob's transformation in the friggin trailer? They should have teased us with him running and just before he was about to transform switch to another scene, it would have been far more exciting with all of us fans on the edge of our seats saying "WTF, you bastards" and begging for more, it's almost like "oh that's it!". Lassie in heat, humph!

    I thought Edwards voice sounded completely different and he looked soo much older in this movie, still bloody gorgeous but what the hell is up with the cherry popsicle lipstick?!?

    Jasper's hair?! Is that his hair or his grandma's wig?! In the clip where he goes flying threw the air at Bella, Rosalie and Emmett are looking in the complete other direction.. haha

    Totally agree that the music isn't creepy enough. The Twilight one still gives me the hebegebees!

    We are all critics today but that's ok we're allowed to be. Twilight saga is our obsession and we just want New Moon to be as perfect as it can be. With a bigger budget let's hope it is.

    :)

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  17. Here is the thing, I had to stop watching the trailer because I get too fucking excited, does anyone else get butterflies in their stomach or launch their panties at the tv? Or am I alone on this one?

    Taylor is hawty hot hot, but closer to my son's age than my own, so I try to keep my pantie fling directly aimed at Rob's face, until Taylor turns 18 then he is fairgame.

    @Bethe- LMAO at the shock collar!

    @ Latchkey Wife, the lipstick did make him look like a golden girl. Looks like they switched golden girl focus to Jasper with that ridiculous hair.

    Overall I have what my husband calls TV blue balls, it was a nice start....but Im just not satisfied, mama needs more New moon clipage.

    Peace out ladies you all rock, I have kids to take care of..they are taking over my house.

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  18. IMO I thought the wolf looks more like a cat than a dog in the face. Having five siberian huskies myself and comparing the faces the eyes are too flat and something is off with the muzzel. Hopefully they will improve upon the cgi for the movie.

    Yes the birthday party scene was shot at night, a friend and I were freezing our freaken butts off outside on the street above the house hoping to get a glimpse of the cast. We got a small glimpse when the broke to eat, we were told by the crew that they were finished for the night... Lied to us they did... Not bitter...

    All in all I can't wait for November!

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  19. First of all, just let me say I am so thrilled to be able to go through all this this go around with like minded "mature" Twitards! I was going through all this through the making of "Twilight" all by myself--well, there was my husband who just rolled his eyes at me.

    Anyhoo, that said I am feeling oddly complacent about the trailer. I think overall, everything looks better visually. Of course, I nearly peed myself that they are kissing in the trailer--please let there be a lot of kissing--I need more fantasy material. I, too, was very pleased with the effects at the birthday party--loved the intern comment --ha! ha! As for the wolf tranformation--I guess any special effect is so much better than what was done in 'Twilight' that I seemed pleased overall. I did imagine the wolf darker. As for it being a spoiler to the storyline--I guess it didn't really bother me because we all know what happens. I think there will still be plenty of sexy wolf boys changing to keep us surprised--I hope so anyhow.

    @STY--I totally agree about the lines when he leaves her in the woods. I will be very sad if they totally fuck that up. I was so, so, so sad about the "Meadow" scene in 'Twilight'--my friend and I still have tirades about it. How did Catherine Hardwicke and Melissa Rosenberg fuck that up sooooo bad? Sheesh. Why didn't Stephenie throw an absolute tantrum about it? I would have.

    Bottom line is I think they really need some Twitards in their focus groups. Fuck that, they should have been consulting us all along. Whatever......In my dreams.

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  20. VitaminR70 I agree they should have been consulting with us! But all they really needed to do was read the fucking book! It was all right there. Every last stinkin' detail of what needed to be said and done. I don't understand why Melissa Rosenberg felt the need to change things. I don't get it! I think the wolf looked a little small...and cartoonish. I thought they were suppose to be as big as horses? Didn't I read that in one of the books? I think K-Stew was just as annoying...with all her twitching. But you know what-I will be there November 20th standing in line to watch it :o)

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  21. Ok, my comments on the New Moon trailer. I do like that it seems a little darker but that remains to be seen till I see the movie. I hope that Chris can capture the despair and almost unintentional suicidal feelings that Bella has when Edward leaves. It's a huge part of New Moon and why she does what she does. Anyhoo, Jacob. Ok, really good looking. All the actors that play the wolf pack exceed my expectations. When I was reading the book, I pictured them butt ugly but they are Hooooot! What I did not like:I HATED THE TRANSFORMATION TO WOLF in the trailer. WTF? They need to hire Pixar for help. I'm sorry, it's just so f*cking lame. That is my only real complaint. The Big dog looks ridiculous and that was just one of them, what's up when they show the whole pack. I'm just saying...

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  22. I gotta go with KintheFlo. I was disappointed with the acting from KStew and RPattz. They both seemed flat (not unusual for KStew) and looked a lot older, especially Rob, whose face looked a lot more angular and voice was a lot deeper. I hope that the final product improves--but I'm fearing this might be completely skipping The Empire Strikes Back and jumping right into Revenge of the Jedi and the downward spiral of shite that followed.

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  23. Seriously, Jaspers hair has got to go! Ugh, it makes him look like a girly man.

    Kristens kiss request is a bit too husky imo.

    Loved the rest of it. I am hoping that the wolf transformation is still in editing so that the movie version is good.

    Thanks for the break down ladies! Loved it!

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  24. i noticed the eyebrow twitch during the 14 sec that e.t. released. it seemed kinda awkward, but i ended up just letting myself believe ( ok made my self think, ok fine forced) thatit was bella trying to be seductive in her weird lil way,lol

    ...... ooo and ill add to the bail fund, even tho if taylor comes here i couldnt get charged (lol), because i wouldnt want my 2 favorite bloggers stuck in jail!!!

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  25. Small, but annoying point: Cool though the contacts looked, Laurent is supposed to be THIRSTY in the meadow. His eyes should be black not red!

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  26. Ok, so just had to watch the trailer again for the umpteenth friggin time - So Rapid Lassie in Heat Pup has Jacob's eyes right? Or am I really losing it?!

    Anonymous I'm not sure but I thought red eyes meant thirsty for human blood drinking vamps? The Cullen's eyes went black when thirsty and amber after feeding on animals blood. Holy crap! Maybe not, shit I can't friggin remember sorry.. :)

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  27. "Taylor Lautner has revealed that he was required to do a bit of naked acting as Jacob Black, Bella's human friend who learns that he can transform into a werewolf."

    I'm so going to hell for what I'm thinking right now....Keep some of that bail money handy for me

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  28. JJ and STY:

    Please don't worry that you are over-thinking this trailer—I could probably write a dissertation on it!

    But I will confine myself to one subject area: Bella's paper cut.

    Now, in a normal situation, if you are the guest in someone's home, and you accidentally injure yourself to such an extent that blood escapes your body and begins to deposit itself in thick droplets on the shaggy surface of your host's gleaming WHITE carpet, wouldn't your first impulse be to utilize whatever is at hand—a napkin, your mouth, your own shirt hem—and sop up the blood BEFORE it has a chance to permanently stain the aforementioned virginally white carpet?

    [Sidebar: Bella should get checked for some type of blood coagulation disorder, because NO ONE bleeds like that, from a mere paper cut—it was like a moray eel has just ripped off her finger, while she was stupidly probing the crevices of a coral reef.]

    Now: imagine that your hosts not only possess an unsullied white carpet, but are VAMPIRES.

    And now the massive blood flow is just INSULTING.

    And don't get me started on Jasper's hypersensitivity to this display of blood (didn't a kid at school ever get a bloody nose? or a paper cut, for that matter? ever?)....

    [Another sidebar: It will be interesting to see if Kristen is able to muster up any emotional variety in New Moon—I would love to see some genuine passion and anguish, if she possesses these nuances in her coin purse—cannot say bag—of tricks.]

    P.S. My verification word is "sacklyte." The computer has been reading the creative cursing guide!!!

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  29. I feel intensely guilty for ogling Jacob's new manly chest. But there you are.

    Congrats on being featured on the Volturi Approves page! You deserve it. I may not always comment, but I love reading your posts. :D

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  30. I feel dirty for drooling over a minor. Jacob is hott. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for the thoughts that I'm thinking.

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  31. i am gonna say it...well i have already said it, ya'll are thinking it, so i am gonna say it again...

    I officially wanna bone Taylor.

    take me to jail i dont care!

    (you gals are gonna bail me out right?)

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  32. Well, we're either going to end up in jail or hell. If it's jail, I wonder if they'll give us our cell block, because that might be cool.

    LOL!

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  33. Not to worry: I'll bail y'all out - I'm completely safe from Taylor's charms.
    Nothing much new to add to the trailer critique so I'm just gonna say: Twitarded ladies - you are a cross between Lainey Gossip and a car accident. I don't WANT to look but I Can't. Stop. Myself. Then tonight I find out most of your readers are just as smartass and articulate (oops, could be redundant!) as you two are. Consider yourselves bookmarked.
    PS - I don't know how to give myself a blog name yet so I'm just anonymously laughing my ass off so far. Thanks!

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  34. I agree with most of your post-

    Taylor is very cute, 17 or not!!

    The werewolf I christened a muppet, but I like your name for it also!!

    Funnily I had not noticed the dead meadow, but I think it works great.

    I dislike the house, it looks like someones cheesy basement. The first house was so much more interesting .

    Twilight's makeup and wardrobe people need to be lynched.

    Jaima

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  35. Well, we're either going to end up in jail or hell. If it's jail, I wonder if they'll give us our cell block, because that might be cool.

    LOL!

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