Monday, June 1, 2009

Obama, McCain & Edward Visit the Midwest!

If you were paying attention earlier, you may have seen the "there for nanosecond"/blink-and-you-[hopefully]missed-it posting of this, temporarily entitled "POST THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT." Note to bloggers and aspiring bloggers everywhere: the "Save Now" and the "Publish Post" buttons are deceptively close to each other. Plus JJ is blind as a bat, which didn't help matters. And I am almost as blind. OK, and it was the Monday from hell (I survived my company's fourth round of lay-offs... YAY!!! -ish...) and it is possible that we were both under the influence. Of something [ok, it was red wine]. JJ is going to be the happiest person in the world tomorrow when she finds out I pulled myself together enough to post something (or maybe she will berate me because I didn't run it by her first - who can tell with her?), because in all honestly, we spent an hour or two laboring over several potential topics earlier this evening before we gave up and she kicked me out. Enough said. Moving on...

More often than we are able to acknowledge, we get awesome emails from our readers. You are a creative bunch and some of you have no outlet for all of your fabulousness, so you send stuff to us. And we LOVE it. Case in point: the following mini-Edward action figure extravaganza was created by Anne, who was kind enough to send it our way and gave us permission to post it for your viewing pleasure (great job, Anne!) :

Obama, McCain & Edward Visit the Midwest!


TAP - Twitarded Associated Press Exclusive
Written by Special Guest Correspondent Anne


Pocket Edward (the miniature doppelganger of Twilight's Edward Cullen) played host to the President and his former opponent in Kansas City on Friday. The President admitted that he had intended to come alone, but due to McCain's openness to broaching party lines for the sake of the greater good, he was game. Nevertheless, the result made for a somewhat awkward photo op:


Two very powerful and handsome men shake hands, while the other asks "Where's the love?"

"Please give my best to Michelle... Her arms are as cut as my washboard abs." Mr. Cullen was overheard saying.


Said McCain "Yo! I can totally hang with these dudes! In vampire years, I'm not old at all! Edward is older than me and the chicks dig him!"


The President and Pocket E were said to have discussed foreign policy. Cullen has offered to donate his services to help bring resolution to the struggles in Iraq. "Given my infinite powers, ming-reading skills, and inability to sleep, I would be the perfect weapon of mass destruction (and of panties). In fact, had the existence of vampires been known prior, I am sure we could have eradicated this whole mess long ago. In addition, Emmett's been aching to see what the hunting is like over in the mid-East. Lastly, should the need for reinforcements be necessary...I have connections with Harry Potter." As if he'd need backup.


Later, Mini Edward shows the President around a recently destroyed local farm. Tornado Ellery was said to have passed through the area during the night, leading the President to declare Kansas City a federal disaster area. Oh, the carnage...


In their final meeting, which was closed to the public, Mr. Cullen encourages both sides to "step across the aisle" because, as he said "if I can collaborate with werewolves, my sworn enemy, the Left and Right should be able to get along."

When asked to officially declare his support, Mr. Cullen stated "I am not even supposed to be seen out and about with my true love, K-Bella, let alone make known my political preferences."

Clearly, with their limitless time and resources, as well as their ming-reading & future-predicting capabilities, the Cullen Family is a political powerhouse in the making. Plus, Edward looks better than Bono in sunglasses.
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Thanks for sharing, Anne!

40 comments:

  1. Hahaha...ming reading! I was like WTF when I saw that on the box...too funny!

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  2. I NEED A MINI EDWARD!! I so need to get one because I've already got his itinerary planned for this year and since he's already met with Obama and the other old one. Maybe Mini E could do some work for PETA since he is a vegetarian.. oh crap. Wait maybe not. :)

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  3. Those photos are hysterical. I love the one where he is shaking Mini Obama's hand. Oh the possibilities with Pocket E abound. Thanks Anne!

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  4. i am peeing my pants! yea i am commenting instead of taking care of the situation.
    that was so mutherEffin' hilarious!!

    favorite part... "if I can collaborate with werewolves, my sworn enemy, the Left and Right should be able to get along."
    no greater words have ever been said!!

    no if you'll excuse me i need to change my pants.

    PEACE OUT!

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  5. So much fun! Love it. And great pictures Anne!

    Also the save and publish are far to close. I have often... okay so I ALWAYS making the mistake of posting while drinking... hum. Maybe that's the problem. LOL ;)

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  6. Oh and WOOT to 55 on Top Twilight Blogs. I still have no clue what that means. But I am excited that Twitarded is about to crack the top 50. Dare I say it??? Here's to beginning number one in the near future!

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  7. That "arial" shot of Edward and the mere mortals looked like someone was peaking over a bathroom stall.

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  8. Anne, I love the pic of them viewing the baby created carnage at the Little People farm!!! Fabulous idea!!!!

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  9. OK so I just noticed that the url for this still reads "post-this-motherfucking-shit" - and I can't change it... I don't know if I should laugh or cry... Note: this was not a reflection of the content IN ANT WAY - it was just us being frustrated that we couldn't manage to get anything up on the blog... Have you ever sent an email to "everyone" when you didn't mean to? Well this is the bloggy equivalent - lol!

    And this was a total collaboration - which is why it might seem a tad multiple-personality-ish - i.e. posted under JJ's name but I did most of the writing that wasn't Anne's - sorry for any confusion!

    That said, I am off to pick up the tattered remains of my career...

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  10. I friggin love that the URL still says "post-this-mother-fucking-shit"! That totally cracks me up.

    Not sure if you ladies know, but... RPattz touched down at JFK this morning... He IS on your turf now!

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  11. @Latchkey Wife - great - and here I am still employed and busy doing non-R-Patts-related stuff...

    @JJ - I can catch the train in Princeton and meet you in the city by 7-ish. Let the stalking begin!

    Er, or not...

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  12. And for the record, all I really want in life is a picture of Robert Pattinson holding Mini-Edward. OK and maybe with me and JJ in the frame in all of our dorked-out glory.
    : )

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  13. Sigh. Yes, I was a wee bit frustrated last night because my damn computer get freezing.

    Dear Anne - I'm sorry I accidentally named your amazing pictures 'post this motherfucking shit'. It has nothing to do your pictures, I swear. I was laughing my ass off - they are really great.

    STY - I may or may not hurt you for this... I'll let you know when I get back from JFK...

    Oh, and for the record - I didn't hit the 'publish post' button. Apparently hitting 'return' will do the same thing... a warning to all of you! LOL!

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  14. Oh for the love of fuck!!

    I meant to say 'because my computer kept freezing', not 'get freezing'. Sheesh. I'm staying away from computers today... :)

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  15. OMG, I love that the title of this still says "post this...." It just FITS, you know? Thanks for posting, ladies. I am sure Ellery & her brother have additional plans for Mini E now that the Presidential sweep as passed through. I think my son mentioned something about the Little People Noah's Ark. I didn't tell him that Cullen's feed off the blood of animals....

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  16. Let me know when the stalking begins... I'll totally drive down - I mean, I'm only like 6 hours away. Is that totally pathetic??!

    STY & JJ - You guys seem to be having issues with typing today... I say quit while you're ahead and just go drink somewhere!

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  17. BTW, STY...So glad you survived another round. Fingers crossed for you. And I concur with Latchkey Wife - he's on your turf. We expect big things :)

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  18. "Given my infinite powers, ming-reading skills, and inability to sleep, I would be the perfect weapon of mass destruction (and of panties). LMAO
    Get out there and stalk his fine ass, cmon I live in Texas this woman has to live vicariously through you sassy NY ladies, If my kids wouldnt freak out and start chewing on the car seats, Id make the drive myself.

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  19. Ha ha Nutters love it!!

    Ok so "hail to the RPatzz gods" for bringing him to our neck of the woods. :)

    Right so, raincoat - check, big arse hat - check, big black sunglasses - check, red rose in left lapel - check, looking like Inspector Gadget - Undouble check, - Camera - check, taped recording of me saying "hello" (cos there is no way I'll be able to say anything but "blub, blurg") - check, VALIUM - check, fresh knickers - check, breath freshener - check, *faint* - check, smelling salts - double friggin check.....

    Work, husband, kids what's that??

    Who's with me?? ha ha :)

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  20. absolutley halarious .......... im so fucken tired, sorry i know im spelling is prob way off and barly readbel .........

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  21. Quick question...how do you get your Pocket E to stand up by himself? Mine won't he just falls over!

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  22. OMG, you ladies kill me.
    @Limey-1996 - smelling salts! I totally cracked up.

    The funniest thing is someone mentioned that they are filming a couple blocks away from my job - I doubt it's him but I may have to check it out.

    @LuvsMeSumEdward - The mini Edward is as clumsy as Bella was in the book. If you lean his torso forward a bit and point his toes out that usually works. Or you have to discreetly prop the bastard up on something. LOL.

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  23. My mini E falls over too! Pisses me off when I'm trying to pose him for, um, photo ops.

    JJ - If he IS filming a couple blocks away, well, I think you know what your mission is...

    First, don't forget the chloroform soaked hanky... that will make it easier to get him in the back of the van (what van? you know, the one you steal first.) Once you get him home, just make sure you make him comfortable (well, as comfortable as you can be with your wrists and ankles handcuffed to the bed posts.) I'll take him when you're done. (Clean him up good first, so I don't feel like I'm getting the sloppy seconds...) 'kay, thanks.

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  24. @JJ - There is filming going on 2 blocks from you?? I'll lend you all my "incognito gear" apart from the fresh knickers will need them myself. Go, go, go! Make us proud oh and don't forget PE! haha

    :)

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  25. @JJ - If it is him filming just try not to fall, faint, fart, puke or shoot a Mr. Brown down your leg!!!

    We are all with you in spirit. :)

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  26. LOL! A Mr. Brown?! Too funny. Sadly, I'm a bit swamped and won't be able to go lurk. I'm sure it isn't Robward though. I would have heard something from a co-worker if it was. Or I would see a gaggle of women racing down the street... LOL!

    However, if I can find out a location, I would definitely go and check it out. Promise.

    Unless it's in Harlem. Or Bushwick.

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  27. NOOOOO!!!

    Run Snarky! Run JJ! FIND HIM FAST!! FIND HIM NOW!!

    All I want in life is to see a picture of Mr. Pattinson holding a Mini Mr. Cullen. SERIOUSLY. If I met him, and Lord knows we all curse and long for such a moment, I will somehow, someway sneak a pic of him with Mr. Cullen. FORGET ME! Oh please, Lord!

    Okay... I think I can finally breathe again and unclench my body. If none of that makes sense... well I think you can understand my excitement.

    @ALL COMMENTERS - You ladies are DIABOLICAL! I love the way you think. FOR SURE.

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  28. ha ha I always say to my kids when they are in the loo "Hurry up Brown I know you're in there!" ha ha Toilet humour at its best.

    Oh no! Please don't go to any scary places in NY - keep safe! I know the story has something to do with 9/11 so not too sure if it will be filmed around there?

    Yes, very true screaming girls/women would always give you a heads up as to where it would be. Maybe carry some earplugs.. :)

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  29. You are all killing me with your colorful commentary. What I would give to see a photo of RPatz with Pocket E--now that would be priceless. I remember him talking in an interview ages ago about he was excited to have his own action figure but it hadn't been produced yet. To my knowledge no one has asked him about it yet...this could be a great icebreaker/conversation starter JJ.

    You set stalker NY/NJ ladies--you must not forget the flask (perhaps you can offer Robward some of his favorite whiskey?) and the pantyliners might come in handy as well.....oh, oh, and a lighter--when he is on his smoke break you can offer him a light. Could you imagine the shaking hand in that moment?

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  30. Ahem. I have decided to keep my eyes and ears open. At the first sign I will attempt to quietly, and from a distance, stalk the set. We'll see.

    Oh, and just for the record - I have no less than eight different whiskeys in my liquor cabinet. Does RPattz like Bourbon? I have the too. LOL.

    And I have a flask. Or two...

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  31. @JJ--All I have ever heard him say is that his favorite drink is whiskey. Not being a bourbon girl I took that to mean probably something like Bushmills or Jameson, etc. Bushmills is always a safe bet though he was brought up Catholic so you might want to go with the Jameson.

    The more I know I more about you the more I heart you--8 different whiskeys? We have at least 5 and I thought we were bad. I raise my glass to you.

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  32. @VitaminR70 - the irony of this is that ML is the whiskey drinker and he's a teetotaler compared to me.
    We have: Knob Creek, Basil Hayden's, Baker's, Booker's, Gentleman's Jack, Woodford Reserve, Tullamore Dew, and some 'vintage' version of a really shitty one... Evan Williams?

    Oh and Wild Turkey. Which, technically is a bourbon but... have to have the wild turkey.

    Regardless, RPattz is welcome to every single one...

    And on that note... we DO drink responsibly... lol.

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  33. @JJ--I just sent some photos to STY with Mini E and some Bushmills that I took back in February. I asked her to forward them on to you. My husband was pissed when I too became a whiskey and scotch lover--now he has to share. I guess I just assumed he was an Irish whiskey drinker--perhaps he likes the domestic versions. Hey, another icebreaker question. I think I am going to go pour myself a whiskey now...........

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  34. @VitaminR70 - Nice! I can't wait to see them. Personally, I'm a HUGE fan of Bushmills but, since I'm not the whiskey drinker, I get out voted. I don't mind a nice whiskey here and there... definitely more of a wine gal, myself.

    Though, I must say, there is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING better than a swig of whiskey when you are camping/backpacking, etc. and it is cold out. Absolutely wonderful. LOL.

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  35. haha There is a whiskey called Dick I mean Knob Creek??

    I have tried one called Knott or Knock can't remember but it blew my head off 100% proof! Could have stripped paint YUCK!

    Cool thanks! I will remember a flask and a lighter, not that I smoke anymore but I would try to be cool and smoke a fag again and hope to god I wouldn't choke or puke or get the smoke in my eye as that bloody hurts like a bugger! :)

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  36. @Limey_1996 - LOL! Personally I use any excuse I can get to smoke a ciggy so... smoking one with RPattz would be... yummy. LOL.

    I've definitely had the 'whiskey vs. praying to the porcelain god' experience. Not good. LOL

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  37. Yes, me too! haha I think the worst praying to the porcelain god was after having Singapore Slings and I thought I was bleeding internally but forgetting the friggin drink was red!! haha

    I have friends that work in NY and techs at work keeping their eyes peeled for any sign of Robward filming will keep you posted. :)

    My comp is having a melt down its me Limey_1996...

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  38. BTW, STY...So glad you survived another round. Fingers crossed for you. And I concur with Latchkey Wife - he's on your turf. We expect big things :)

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  39. "Given my infinite powers, ming-reading skills, and inability to sleep, I would be the perfect weapon of mass destruction (and of panties). LMAO
    Get out there and stalk his fine ass, cmon I live in Texas this woman has to live vicariously through you sassy NY ladies, If my kids wouldnt freak out and start chewing on the car seats, Id make the drive myself.

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  40. And for the record, all I really want in life is a picture of Robert Pattinson holding Mini-Edward. OK and maybe with me and JJ in the frame in all of our dorked-out glory.
    : )

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