Monday, June 29, 2009

Twitarded's "100-ish Ways Twilight Has Changed My Life" List

A little background: this whole thing started a few weeks back when we were trying to put together something special for our 100th post. I was searching for something awesome and Twilight-related, ideally in an increment of 100 (keeping with the theme, natch), and despite the fact that I've become pretty proficient at finding stuff to suit my needs on the internet, I came up empty-handed. I ran the situation by JJ, and we decided we'd make our own "100 List." Then we remembered that 100 is a lot and it was going to take a while soooo... We came up with the perfect strategy to make things easier for us and more fun for you: we called in the Twitarded cavalry! Naturally JJ was very amenable to this plan, as she is as lazy as the day is long very busy...

And that's where you lovely folks came in to save the day... Well, "poured in" would be more accurate. We got so many answers to our question "How Has Twilight Changed Your Life?" that we quickly realized out attempt at laziness had been handily thwarted. But it was worth it. We sorted through hundreds and hundreds of your responses, and we were blown away by how hysterical, sweet, loving, touching, snarky, and just plain ol' awesome all of you are... We laughed, we cried, we even said "Awwww..." a few times. But mostly, we snorted fluids out of our noses and laughed so hard that we were almost in need of medical attention when it was all said and done.

And now it's your turn.

So beloved Twitarded peeps, put your collective coffee mug down. Or your wine glass. In fact, you’d better just clear the area entirely and put some pillows on the floor around you so that you’ll have a soft landing when you fall out of your chair. No - really, I mean it. Go ahead… I’ll wait… OK. All set? You'll thank me - profusely - for all the horked-through-the-nose beverages and bruises I just saved you from. Trust me.

Without further adieu, may I present to you “The List”:

Twitarded's "100-ish Ways Twilight Has Changed My Life" List

I had never pre-ordered a book before...never bought movie tickets in advance...never attended the midnight release of anything!

Before Twilight, I was stressing about something and my teen told me to "go to my happy place." I had no idea what/where a happy place was. Now I have one and I visit often. Twilight is my Happy Place.

When I learned about Stephenie Meyer's journey to publication, I regained confidence in my own writing, and in the worthiness of writing as a realistic pursuit—and I stopped castigating myself for not being a published novelist already. [Amen, sister!]

I often think that people I meet in Walmart on a rainy day could actually be Vampires because it might be they only time they can shop.

My biological clock has been replaced by the countdown to New Moon.

I now read an ASTONISHING amount of pornography. And I think my husband's junk is beginning to chafe.

I had my first "theme" birthday party since I was 12 - and it was AWESOME! Two 40-somethings and one 39-year-old - my best friend decorated like she was "Alice." Her father-in-law wanted to know why we had the poster of Paul Newman on the door, though (he doesn't know about Edward).

I discuss vampire culture and customs with my 14-year old niece like I would discuss the way to solve world peace.

I have to be conscious of what I am saying to my boyfriend during sex (as it is now entirely possible that I could yell "Edward!").

I have something Twilight-related in my purse at all times.

My father now refers to something chivalrous as "something Edward would do."

In place of "please?" at the end of his requests, my 8-year-old son asks me, "Pretty please--with Robert Pattinson on top?"

I now speak a different language. No, seriously. I say things like "chagrin, virtue, fursplode, Robsessed, sexpender pants, Robsten" in every day conversation. [It's true - there are at least 25 words in here that spellcheck doesn't recognize...]

Thunder now has a totally different meaning to me.

I recognize that my Edward is really cool - especially since he totally protected my virtue for four long years of dating. And, no, he's not gay, as four kids and much, much sexual activity confirms.

I have found a community of mature, intelligent women (and some dudes) who are as into this Twilight thing as I am, and no longer have to hide my beautiful black books.

I have never re-read a book before - NEVER- and I read tons of books. I have now read the whole series several times. I refuse to actually write down how many.

It helped me go through a very hard break-up with my boyfriend of seven years just by showing me how much I would have hated him after I got to know Edward Cullen, then look at him and find out he wasn't ANYTHING like him.

My husband bought me a shirt that reads "What Do You Mean Edward Isn't Real?" -- This is the first shirt he has bought me in the 8 years we have known one another. I normally frown on him buying me clothing items, but this one was dead on.

I never wanted to take a road trip to Forks, WA more than I do now.

Twilight saved me from my very serious handbag addiction. I was constantly trolling and looking for the perfect bag, switching designers, never content, etc... It was costing a not-so-small fortune. Then I started the series and never went back to my dark ways. Heh. Now I am content. I own one bag and couldn't be happier. Thanks Twilight.

It made me look cool with my students.

I rarely dream; it's always been this way for me. Most of the time I only dream after having too many cocktails. But how sad and boring. Now I dream all the time. Like Twilight turned on something in my brain that was dormant. Too bad my dreams are all of finding the perfect man and are depressing as hell in the long run--but heck, they are fun in the moment.

My daughters introduced me to Twilight and it has been a total Mommy/Daughters thing. I love that Twilight has brought us together in that way.

I saved on my electric bill. I didn't turn on my TV for a month until I was done with all books.

Twilight brings frienemies together. This girl I work with used to hate my guts and vice-versa. It was all over when we found out our mutual love for Twilight. I KID YOU NOT!

I cannot remember the last movie I was aching to see before it even finished shooting. Waiting for New Moon is torture the likes of children waiting for Santa.

I have ditched friends, dates, commitments, to stay at home and read Twilight.

I went celibate for Lent because I wanted to "feel closer to Edward." I know. It didn't work.

I actually bribed my boyfriend with, ahem, sexual favors if he agreed to watch the New Moon trailer with me. I wonder what I'm gonna have to do for November 20th 2009... Oh boy...

I'm completely Robsessed. I haven't had a celebrity crush this bad since River Phoenix!

I want to go out and buy my own Edward doll....Bella can wait at the store with Jacob. Who cares if my teenager decides to commit me after I buy Pocket E...she's just jealous.

My ten-year-old son gels his hair "like Edward's" each morning trying to get my attention (sorry son!!).

I don’t want to get a tan anymore, I like my pale skin.

I don’t want to dye my brown hair anymore either.

I now find anyone (and I mean anyone, even the old fat greeter at Walmart) named Edward hot by osmosis. I hear/see that name and my body instantly reacts before I can stop it.

The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that my family can no longer depend on having clean laundry folded and put away in their dressers, but that is not funny or even remotely interesting. It is true though.

I find myself thinking..."If I were a vampire, I could totally do that". Like when I want to run somewhere crazy fast, drive like a maniac and not get caught, or throw something far and accurately....

I'm not ashamed to be a huge klutz cause it's super cool for fictional characters.

Since English is not my mother-tongue, I force people around me to speak more English. I mean I have to be prepared, right?? Imagine, I sometime somehow meet Robward and I cannot talk to him??? Or, I don’t understand what he’s telling me...or he doesn’t get what I want from him??? (I better not go into detail about what I want...)

I'm perpetually and embarrassingly aroused due to my daily requirement of Rob's vporn, liporn, fingerporn and ass candy. [And don't forget jaw porn...]

It has reminded me that the emotional absolute highs and crushing lows of high school really were great to experience.

It has given me a dirty little secret that I hide from everyone else in my ordinary suburban housewife life and it's not illegal or immoral (well not TOO immoral).

I no longer care about competing against an Xbox 360 for my S/O's time. I actually find myself encouraging him to play his video games... *shudders*

I didn't go to the library for 8 months because I would only read the Twilight Saga + Midnight Sun. I used to borrow 5 books a week.

I created a Twilight shrine. I never collected anything in my life - even though I love Star Wars, I only have a few trinkets buried in a box somewhere. Suddenly I have every Twilight/Rob/Kristen related magazine that exists, I have the dolls, posters, t-shirts, bags, magnets, calendars, and am stalking the elusive Twilight pen that my friend's mom got as a gift from someone.

I started calling my boyfriend by his middle name, Eduardo.

I'm going to Comic-Con. Haven't been to any conventions since college (ten years ago), and that was at least on the same side of the country, but now I'm flying to San Diego just to get a glimpse of Rob & Co.

I found Twitarded and now get to laugh my ass off daily!!!

I realized that I had settled for what I married. That I was too good for him and he was not ever going to treat me the way I needed to be treated. Not that a vampire or Edward could do any different, being as they really don't exist at all. But still I saw in my husband the things that I didn't have and the things that I needed and wanted to have in my life. This series made me see that and I’m much better off without him. For once I'm happy.

I have made lots of great new friends (and have made other friendships stronger) because of my Twilight obsession.

Browsing History Pre-twilight: BBC, CNN, NYTimes, Huffington Post, Facebook.

Browsing History Post-twilight: Month one: BBC, CNN, NYTimes, stepheniemeyer, facebook. Month two: BBC, CNN, newmoonmovie, stepheniemeyer, facebook. Month three: BBC, twitarded,, twicrackaddict. Month four: twitarded, newmoonmovie, twicrackaddict, rob pattinson news, laineygossip, Facebook? What I have real friends... So did you read the latest article about Robsten? Holy crap did you see the shirtless Rob pics!!... we have to post this on the blog... dammit, I fell out of my chair again.

I'm 47 yrs old, married, kid in college, one in 6th grade and I'm entering an on-line contest related to TWILIGHT!! And I WANT TO WIN...

I can't listen to the "Star-Spangled Banner" anymore without getting distracted & thinking about Edward Cullen ("...o'er the ramparts we watched at the TWILIGHT's last gleaming...").

I am listening to music again - the soundtrack pulled me out of talk-radio hell!

I am in constant fear of being reprimanded for inappropriate use of the internet while at work (this included).

I bought a coffee mug that has "Rob" on it, just in case he drops by. [Sometimes I think I want to marry our readers. Although my heart belongs to Mr. Snarky.]

Rain has never made me smile so much.

My dreams have ended up more like porno than anything.

I am unable to go through one day without Twilight. I have more tantrums than an old man getting pulled away from a tv while watching the Playboy Channel.

I look at people and think “He would make a great Edward.” Or “She is what I picture Alice to look like.”

It has expanded my vocabulary and given me a new interest in the classics.

My three year old son now has a love for Pop Tarts and cereal solely because this was all he was fed in the few days it took me to finish the Twilight series.

I have realized that Robert Pattinson could be scratching his ass, picking his nose, and belching out the words to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and I'd still feel the urge to rip his clothes off.

I'm now even prouder to drive a Volvo.

I feel strongly about saving the forests, because how else will Edward go running with me through the trees??

I smile more. Maybe the pictures of Robward have something to do with that.

I love my husband more. Guess I was taking him for granted after 15 years of marriage. Now every time I read Eclipse, I know I'm luckier than Bella. She had to choose between her best friend and her true love. My best friend is my true love.

Now my teenage son has a reason to roll his eyes at me. He would have anyway, so why not give him an excuse?

I think tall extremely pale and skinny guys are hot now.

When I see someone step into the sun, I check to see if they sparkle - seriously - and I'm always disappointed when they don't.

I sleep better now. If I ever wake up in the middle of the night stressing over work, bill or anything, I think about Edward and go back to sleep very happy.

I believe in love again.

...and vampires.

...and shape-shifters.

I've revised my list of items I would bring with me to a deserted island.

My family is showing symptoms of scurvy from malnutrition.

I'm probably going to develop cancer of the hand from constant Twilight-related iPhone usage.

I've spent so much time reading Twiporn that everything has a sexual connotation. (Damn right I wanna upsize that combo meal, Kevin.)

Prior to beginning the Twilight series, my husband had never uttered the phrase, "Not tonight, honey. I've got a headache." (Keep a wary eye for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.)

I remember the day I bought my copy of Twilight better than the birth of my child.

I frequently have nightmares about all of my prized Twilight possessions in plastic bags marked as "Exhibit A" in my divorce proceedings/commitment hearing. (It's a crap shoot as to which will come first.)

Because I lust over 20-somethings on a daily basis, I am officially a creepy creeper. Oh the shame! I'm just like Demi Moore now. Sigh.

I'm down with the kids now. Just like Jacob's dad.

I now have common conversational ground if I ever get trapped in an elevator with class of middle schoolers.

I devour Twi-smut with a fervor that I did not know existed in me.

I think my husband is a little scared by my new-found libido. I think he is worried he can't keep up with me. Hee! Who would of thought after 20 years together and two kids?

I tried to go a day without Twilight once. I was asked to leave my own home.

It makes my walks with my dog more fun as I search for Edward in the woods behind my house.

I now actually have a YouTube account on which I, a 38 year-old married mother of two, posted a self-made video starring one Pocket Edward. [click to watch!]

My children have, at times, become a secondary priority in my daily routine.

My laptop has become my bedtime reading source....screw my book club books and all the lofty reading.

I now religiously read and comment on blogs with people I don't know and e-mail with people I don't know purely because we are mutually Twitarded (and I think they are really smart and funny, too!).

I also discuss things with said bloggy friends that I have only ever discussed with my closest friends, i.e. whether or not the husband got lucky last night, etc.

I have learned lots of new naughty words from Twitards.

I have re-kindled a piece of me that is silly, sarcastic, snarky, ridiculous, naughty, creative, playful, and funny and I love it.

I have risked my reputation professionally and personally by professing my love for Twilight...most people that really know me already know I am a total dork and accept my new-found obsession...the other people can go screw themselves.

I chose which friends I want to hang out with based on their level of Twilight knowledge and obsession.

I discovered that I am not ashamed to use my teenaged daughter as my "beard", allowing me to remain respectably in the closet. Even so far as inviting (dragging) her out on school nights to watch the 10pm showing of Twilight, after the rest of the family has gone to bed.

I have dreams about it. Vivid dreams that are so real I wake up shockingly disappointed that Edward is not sitting in my room watching me sleep.

I'm discovering the joys of mother-daughter bonding in this shared obsession from the silly (randomly texting her at the dinner table just to hear her "Let Me Sign" ringtone) to the embarrassing (entering the world of fan-fiction together, realizing what a "lemon" is, and having to explain words like "fellatio" --hey she's 18, I'd rather she heard it from me!).

I've turned into my own cock-block by mentioning Twilight.

I have trouble relating to anyone who has not read Twilight. I honestly lose all respect for a person, especially women, who either have not read or did not like Twilight. Once I discover their lack of Twitardedness, they could tell me the next winning lotto numbers and I wouldn't give a damn because they don't dream about Edward.

My work ethic has absolutely landed in the toilet. B.T. ["Before Twilight"] - I actually used to work at work, accomplish tasks in a timely, diligent manner. A.T. ["After Twilight"] - not so much. I actually find myself in a homicidal rage when customers and co-workers interrupt my OCD Blog reading/Twilight reading/Edward daydreaming shenanigans.I have been clinically diagnosed with O.E.C.D – Obsessive Edward Cullen Disorder (I’m still refusing medication).

I have repeatedly considered sending RPattz a fangirl letter or gifts...however, I repeatedly realize the absurdity of this and then feel embarrassed that I have even seriously considered it.

I do not know how to operate in day to day non-Twilight related activities. I feel incomplete, like a person whose lost a leg but still has the urge to scratch it.

I never fantasized about a fictional 17-year-old before, at least not since I was 17.

I never realized the term "Bite Me" could be a turn on.

Twilight has made me openly lust after another man in front of my husband.

I'm finally an "expert" on what if it's a fictional world and a beautiful British boy?

I have "met" so many incredible people through the world of Twilight.

Twilight has made me use my own given name as a cheap pun... [Thanks, Amber!]

I have two t-shirts (one Team Edward & one Twilight) hanging in the back of my closet that I revere as much as my first born child.

I’ve made my eight year old daughter purchase copies of Tweenie magazines so I can have the RPattz pull-out posters.

I yearn for Edward to turn me into a vampire; however, my love of having a tan would be a hurdle (you all know brown fat is prettier than white fat so spare me the SPF lecture).

I have emailed several makers of adult toys to create and name a new vibrator called "The Edward" (sure to be a best seller).

I think the funniest thing I've learned out of all of my madness is that my husband is NOT down with "the list" of people who I get a free pass with in the bedroom (or you know, the pub if that should be where I run into Rob). He claims it's not really fair if I'm actively pursuing my star crush (booo!!!).

I have had to figure out ways to clean up spewed coffee, beer, wine, and often drool off my computer keyboard and monitor...good thing I am not a guy because it could be some other bodily fluids. ;)

I have become VERY posessive of my laptop at home...often sounding like a child..."Get off it, it is mine!"

Camping/hiking in the beautiful forests of Washington now causes visions of a certain vampire family...I, of course, keep these thoughts to myself. Cuckoo!

I took up the piano, Ok??!!Like I'm playing three hours a day, going to lessons, and I can play a pretty damn good version of Bella's Lullaby!

I am totally enjoying the accouterments of my high school goth days minus the hysterical awfulness of being a teenage girl.

I have divided my friends into "Twitards" and those who just don't get it. And then I learned to forgive those who just don't get it.

I don't know if I would recognize my old life in a lineup. And I can't bring myself to care.


We hope you enjoyed this as much as we did! Sorry it took us so long to get the list back to you, but when the emails started flooding in and we began working on "The 100 List" (as we've been referring to it), we fell head-over-heels ga-ga in love with it. It has been our baby these last few weeks, and we've been cooing at it and pampering it and tweaking it to make sure everything was "just so" because we really feel that together we've created something really amazing.

I think we'd be remiss if we didn't add our own thoughts to the list...

From Snarkier Than You:
I'm generally a fairly happy, positive person, but I don't remember the last time I was THIS happy, joyful, or gleefully obsessed with something [other than Mr. Snarky, natch]. Maybe never. Certainly not in my adult life.

I was forced to become more computer literate (thanks to those of you who have helped me out in this department!).

I laugh every day. Even when other things are going on that are sad or challenging or depressing, JJ's posts and the great comments and emails people leave us always cheer me up and make me laugh. Involuntarily and out loud.

I am lucky enough to not only have found something that makes me feel like a giddy, squeally teen again, I have found someone to hold hands with and be my tweeny-strength bff to share it with me. I love you in a mostly not lesbian way, Jenny (although if people keep telling you that you look like Robert Pattinson I may be forced to cross a line or three).

From Jenny Jerkface:
I started working out again just in case I bump into RPatts on the street.

I've stopped trying to curb my potty mouth and sewer mind. (Sorry, Mommy (not a)Jerkface, in case you're reading.)

I no longer wake up every weekday lamenting my job. I have now have something to look forward to.

Even though I always knew she rocked, this whole experience makes me love STY more and more every day. I am so happy that we decided to do this together and we have a blast, even when it's hectic and 'holy-shit-what-do-you-MEAN-you-erased-the-html-format?!' stressful. I always said I could never collaborate but that fucking bitch has proved me wrong.

And I think both Snarkier and I can agree that we've always been surrounded by talented artists and musicians but never felt we had anything to give to people. Until now. And it feels incredibly wonderful and gratifying.
Thank you for your submissions. We [heart] you all in mushy, Twitarded ways!


Snarkier & Jenny


Thanks to the following people who are out of the Twi-closet (or have a screen name)*:

Venusattwilight, Katie, Latchkey Wife, beaux angel, Honolulu Girl, Aunt_B, Mrs. Robinsane, whatwouldedwardcullendo, mmMoxie, Twilog Whitley, LaPushBaby, Mrs. M @ TwiSessed, a_boston, hairbrainedmom, Fire Crotch, Bitches, txag80, Katherine, VitaminR70, TwiFixx, I Punch Werewolves 4 Fun, Eyes of Amber, Limey_1996, Track 10, Scent Addict, Stuck In The Sticks, selketkrb, Jasmine, ApplesNFeathers, and Lily Guillotine.

*We obviously had a LOT help - from you! - putting this together. However, not everyone asked to be named. If you didn't ask or don't have an obvious screen name (in which case I included you) and want your name included here, please let me know. If I didn't link to your blog here and you want me to, send me an email!

P.S. We culled this list as much as we possibly could and it's still well over one hundred items long. The fist time I went through all of the entries, I chose 250 answers that I thought were fabulous, so it took a LOT of work to shorten it. And you can expect to see the rest of the responses in a future post. Or three.


  1. I'm a newbie to the blog, so just popping over to say hello! I'm a regular LTT/LTR girl and had heard some good things about this site.

    Since Twilight, I have a whole crew of online besties that make me giggle everyday. I've met several of these ladies in real life and have forged some wonderful friendships. Oh, since Twilight, I read way too much Twi-smut and I don't think I'll stop.

    Soon to be a new regular,

  2. Aww. I love the list and getting to know all the ladies and how Twilight has changed them. Will there be anything that can ever take it's place? Hmm. Oh, who gives a F**k. I'm having too much fun with it. Yah for Twitarded!!

  3. What a wonderful post! I'm only halfway done, have decided to save the rest for tomorrow. Like a delicious slice of cake that I want to savor! SO many of the items I read and think "that's ME!" but then again, SO much of your blog makes me think "that's ME!" I wish I'd contributed to this list. I started my email to you girls on the very last day, but then true to Anne form, I got home late, and missed the midnight deadline :(

    All I can say is that you ladies changed my life. I don't comment every day, mostly because I run out of time...but i read it EVERY day, and I want to thank you because my Twilight obsession has provided me with laughter and bright spots as I battled post-partum this past winter & spring. Twilight has rekindled lots of good feelings and then finding the community (twitarded, twicrack, robsessed to name a giant handful!) has been a daily pick-me-up. I don't know who to thank more - Robward & twilight, or the Twibloggers!

  4. OMG! JJ and STY, you girls are truly awesome. I thank you guys for taking the time to put this lovely piece of work together! This has honestly made my night.

  5. Wow, you guys did such a great job putting this all together! And thanks for the liquid precautions in the beginning...I would have had a hell of a mess on my keyboard.

  6. As I was reading the 100 list I realized that at 50 I shouldn't be ashamed to want to "rip" into a hot 23 year old yung thang with what I call a belly trail of hair down to the unknown.As I study the shirtless wonder I never realized how that V shape at the hips seem to be just right for holding on to.

    It makes my old heart feel young and my mouth, hands, teeth, lips ready for action.

    I love this website and it is one of the first places I go to when I wake up.

    Thanks ladies!!!!

  7. Yay! You guys picked one of mine! There's a lot of good stuff here, I'm printing this out to hang on the fridge, right next to all my Twilight magnets.

    Everyone on here rocks.

  8. Great job with the list ladies! These were all great and so much fun to read :) Thanks again for creating a place for us to all come together and be Twitarded! (and right after I typed come together my mind went elsewhere...see what you've done to me!) xoxo

  9. As always JJ & STY, bloody brilliant! You must have typers friggin cramp...

    Thanks for taking the time to do this for your Twitarded fans, big sloppy kisses for you. :)

    You enlighten my day. I truly feel like I've fallen into Twitarded heaven, where I am not alone with my Twilight Saga madness and Mega Huge Cougar Crush.... *Sigh*

    It's nice to do the daily "Twitard Confession", even though I'm not catholic, it cleanses the soul. haha

    So cheers much all you Clit Crunchers and lube lovers, I heart you for it. :)

  10. This list was fantastic! Thank you SO much for putting it together. (and belated congratulations on your 100th post!)
    Can't believe how many I read and thought - that's me!! I should have sent in my own...crap.
    I'm a daily reader, and I hope to comment more often. You all are so flipping funny. I can't tell you how many times I've been reading Twitarded and absolutely falling out laughing or getting a silly grin on my face because of hot RPattz pics to have my husband ask, what are you doing? And I can't tell him because he STILL has no idea how much I am into Twilight!

  11. Thank you so much for including a few of mine! It was so awesome to read this and go- OH OH That's ME!!! Recently started a Twilight blog with my roommate based on our TwiTube channel if you could add ApplesNFeathers and link it to THANKS!!!

  12. WOW! that was really good and funny, it's sad that I can relate to that lol I mean I had never been into a book so much, I fucking designed t-shirts, skipped rehearsal to work on them,spent hours after school, got 20 people organized to go see the movie at the same time, made my friend learn bella's lullaby on the piano, made a twilight themed relay for life team, the list goes on, I need help don't I?

  13. This is just so full of love and awesomeness I am actually feeling a bit weepy and emotional...though that could be the menstrual hormones talking.

    No, really, AWESOME list and thank you soooo much for taking the time to put it all together. I know I will be coming back to read this often. Thank you so much for posting the link to my video--is it possible for my love for you two to deepen yet again? I don't even care if that sounds a little dirty.

    Everyone here is so fantastic. This is truly my happy place. Mwah!

  14. Do you have ANY idea how aggravated I get when i'm trying to get my daily dose of twitarded in and the people who live in my house won't shut up and leave me the hell alone? It's rather upsetting and may in the very near future cause me to go postal.

    I love this list. I found it humorous which was not a good thing b/c i hurt my back saturday and laughing really hurts like hell.

    I can really relate to the one who was browsing cnn and all that fun stuff before twilight.. yeah before twilight the news sites were my first stop every morning and evening.. now.. After blogging and reading all the blogs and checking all the pictures and maybe rereading one of the books or watching the movie again.. I might remember somewhere in there to catch up on the news..

    And now.. b/c so many of the words we love are hated by the spell checker. i rarely notice when a word is actually misspelled..

  15. THAT!!!! was fucken awesome!!!! i think i woke up people in my house with my laughing that i couldnt stifle. the list was great and well worht the wait, and i cant wait for future editions of it.

    Thank u to JJ and STY for giving us a place to be crazy and let our twitardedness out! we are all forever gratful to u two!

  16. I really wanted to submit my own Twilight experience but had an irrational fear that Child Protective Services would somehow find me.

    Great list ... I didn't expect so many tender, sentimental stories that really put this whole obsession in a positive light. (Although my favorite one is - "I tried to go a day without Twilight once. I was asked to leave my own home.") *one whole day - shudder*

    JJ & STY - Your friendship with each other makes this little insane asylum all that it is, and I'm crazy jealous that I don't have one (offline) friend I can share my descent into madness with. Let's hear it for the Twitards!
    - Suz

  17. Aww, that was all kinds of awesome! Thank you for putting this together (and quoting me!)I'm forwarding it to all my Twitarded friends first thing in the morning. :)

    Love you girls!

  18. Please tell me that picture of the little boy with his hair all Edwarded up has made it to RPatz.

    Thanks chickies for your work on the list! Thanks also to all the regulars for being enablers in the shenanigans.

  19. Thank you, thank you , thank you, ladies!

    I now don't feel so bad being a 40-something in love (lust) with a 20-something who could be my kid!!! I still feel dirty but that's OK....

    I love your blog, STY and JJ! The past couple of months have been a bit rough but I can always depend on you to make me laugh in spite of life's little curve balls! (snicker - she said "balls"!)

    I big puffy heart both of you!

  20. Congrats and thank you JJ and STY! That was funny and touching, as promised.

    So many key phrases, but at the moment this is one I remember...
    "Pretty please--with Robert Pattinson on top?"

    Looking forward to reading as always...


  21. awww what a great post! Can't even imagine how hard it would have been to narrow those down.

    "I discuss vampire culture and customs with my 14-year old niece like I would discuss the way to solve world peace."

    "I now religiously read and comment on blogs with people I don't know and e-mail with people I don't know purely because we are mutually Twitarded (and I think they are really smart and funny, too!)."

    Yes, I am guilty to both of these!

  22. Can one piss them selfs and aww at the same time? Cause ladies I think I just did it!

    Twilight (all things related) has made me mushy! I never use to aww...(I think it's all the gooy fanfic I'v been reading. I never use to read fanfic before E&B!) Damn you Tiwlight!.....(but I wouldn't change a thing!)

    Here here to the mother/daughter/sister bonding! <3

    I raise my coffee mug to you girls <3!

  23. I'm new to the Twilight world.. put off watching the movie when it came on DVD because it didn't appeal to me... hubby brought it home on rental one night.. I thought 'um okay' and have been hooked ever since. Only really turned into an obsession this month though when I decided to get the books and am now a happy addict. So am VERY new to all this and was amazed to find though googling that I'm not the only 33yr old regressing to 14yr old status!! you guys make me proud to be 14 again!

  24. Did I mention that I am SERIOUSLY considering getting a Twilight tattoo!!! Really!!!!

  25. Yay!The list!
    I was laughing OUT LOUD going through every statement from this post. Amazing! We are all so crazy and I LOVE IT!!!
    Thanks for adding my statements and mentioning me at the bottom!
    You had me at twitarded!

    Twilight Fans are the best! \o/

  26. Ooops! I forgot, I had to share this with you guys:

    It reminds of the Anderson Cooper sketch from a couple previous posts.


  27. Fantastic List! Is it good or bad that as I read it, I had to acknowledge how many of those actually apply to me? Seriously, I probably scored a 90%. With that said I'd like to add some...

    1) I consider twitards my real friends, everyone else is just an acquaintance. (you really get me!)

    2) My husband's excuse to get me to do anything is... "If Edward asked you, you would do it." (He's right, so then I have to do it! Crap!)

    3) My need for frequent, kinky sex has gone up like 20 notches. (Suddenly I'm saying YES! When I would've said NO!)

    4) I fell more in love with my husband, believe it or not. Edward reminded me of all the really awesome stuff my honey does for me.(When you spend as much time in bathroom as I do, this is the sweetest. B/c I'm preggers and pee frequently, my honey wrote a long love note on the toilet paper and rolled it back up so I'd find it the next time I peed. He told me he'd take me to see New Moon, voluntarily!!! I didn't ask him. And he's one of those macho "I'm not watching bitch movies" kinda guys. He rewatches twilight w/me, but I bet it's just payback for those stupidass steven segal movies I've watched)

    5) Twitarded is why I get to work on time. (Otherwise I'd just stroll in whenever.) Yes you guys mean that much to me!

  28. It was definitely worth waiting for this post! It´s just awesome....
    When you read this, you find yourself in nearly every statement. This is just fucking crazy, you all are crazy but thats why I love you all so much.

    Where I couldn´t stop laughing :

    I believe in love again.

    ...and in vampires.
    ...and in shapeshifters.

    Great !

    Hope we get more from this at some point!

    Thanks STY and JJ for all the work!

  29. Nice job girls. Looks like a lot of love went into that list and I'm sure we can all relate. I'm so happy I'm not alone in my obsession. Rock on!

  30. I love the list - everything is spot on!!!! Great job!

  31. Ladies, wonderful have made me laugh and neglect my children too many times, so I thank you and wish I never found you at the same time. I told my husband about your list and he shook his head and said "you are a twitard, and there isnt enough money in our insurance plan to deal with this kind of fucked up ness...I love you"
    Im glad I have an online community that understands.
    Good times ladies, thanks for the shout out

  32. Oh ladies,

    Thank you for this touching, hilarious, and ruefully accurate list!

    I'm amazed at how Twilight has affected us, in ways both large and small. And when you really think about it (there's another sobering reality—I do REALLY think about it), the whole Twilight "universe" that Stephenie created is, at its heart, about ideals.

    Edward's impeccable devotion to Bella, and her more human, and thus flawed, devotion to him, represent a romantic ideal.

    And in reading about their love, we are compelled to compare that ideal to our own actual romantic experiences.

    Some realize, with gratitude, that they have been blessed with a loving, compatible, and worthy partner.

    But others (and a few entries on the "100 List" allude to this) begin to recognize that their choices have fallen unacceptably short of this ideal—and for this realization, they should be grateful, too.

    Wonderful work, ladies—and thank you for linking to my new blog. :)

  33. Amen Twi sistahs!

    My Twi confession #1: I have never wanted something fictional to be real this bad, ever. I'm not just talking about Edward, (that'd be ok too)I'm talking about vampires. I wanna be a fucking vampire, thanks to Twilight.

    Twi confession #2: I think I would bawl like a freaking baby if I met, or saw Rpattz. Like an 8 year old at a NKOTB concert. Oh, shit, did I just date myself?

    Love you guys! Keep up the awesome work!

  34. Definitely worth the wait and all your hard work! Great job ladies. :)

  35. OMG I LOVE you guys...have I told you that lately?! I am sitting at my desk trying to conspicuously read this while everyone thinks I am working...dumb shits...and I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud for real..."What is so funny they all want to know"..what do I say? Do I want them to know I am a Twilight/Rob obsessed "professional" who blogs and reads blogs at work? I think not...I guess I am still in the closet...

  36. Hi there.

    I've been reading your blog for about a month and a half now.
    I found it through twilight widowers, which I found through twilight lexicon, which I found through Stephenie Meyer's site...
    I've decided to read from post one and it has taken longer than expected 'cause I keep following all the links and get "lost" in all the Twilight *sigh*

    I'm writing from across the atlantic, from Portugal, so forgive me in advance for my poor english, ok?
    And, by the way, do you know how lucky you are over there? I keep drooling over the merchandise you have. I can't even find a decent magazine with decent photos. So unfair.

    I was aware of the Twilight phenomenon but only saw the movie in may, which led to reading all the books non-stop. I basically didn't exist for one week. I found out I can read hours without stopping, amongst other things... And then, I found out I wasn't alone :)

    Thanks for being here. And thanks to all the Twitardeds out there!

    Selene (my vampire name... Love the vampire name generator!)

  37. I have found my home!! I could have written any one of those. *smiles* You all "get it" too.

  38. The list is awesome! STY & JJ thank you! You make everyday brighter and a hell of a lot more fun! And thank you to all of you beautiful Twitards, your comments are always dirty, witty, and gut bustingly funny!

  39. They like it! The really like it!!!

    And I want to say "Thanks!" to all of you!!! Everyone who participated in creating the list, in the people who've emailed us with their Twilight stories and inspired us (and continue to inspire us), the people who've been here since we first stuck our collective heads out of the Twi-closet and the people who just found us today!

    We hope that you'll all continue to be as entertained by the blog as we are (and if it goes back to just being JJ and I lobbing funnies and insults at each other and giggling all the while, that's ok too). We hope you'll hang around - we need each other! As I've said from the beginning: the more of "us" we surround ourselves with, the more normal we seem by comparison... Now go loan out those books to the uninitiated - lol!

    Hell, I guess I don't care all that much about passing for "normal" these days - it might be too late for me - I'm pretty much flying my Twi-Freak flag proudly at this point...

    I was totally zonked out last night after spending the day in the emergency room (more on that later!), but JJ came over, we pulled ourselves together, and we got "The List" back to you, as promised (we hit the "Post-This-Motherfucking-Shit-Now" button simultaneously).

    I'm thrilled that you all found it as charming, as TRUE, as touching, and as hysterical as we did. JJ's ecstatic, too, but it's month-end and she is chained to her desk and up to her eyeballs in paperwork at this moment (but here in spirit). : )

    Viva Twitards & Viva Twitarded!

  40. I have found my people, I am at home. Thank you for setting out the snuggly blanket, opening the bottle of wine and turning on the Twilight. Love it and all the rest of you!

  41. Can I just say "WOW"! I absolutely love you ladies! and after reading the list...I feel more at home! I def. don't feel alone anymore! LOL!

    These two hit a little too close to home though:
    "I often think that people I meet in Walmart on a rainy day could actually be Vampires because it might be they only time they can shop."
    "I think my husband's junk is beginning to chafe."


  42. What a fabulous list!! So much I could relate to myself. I would definitely say Twilight had changed my life too....and for the better. And I discovered a strong dislike for Buffy the Vampire Slayer...often times wishing her dead.

  43. Oh STY,

    I hope your visit to the emergency room was for RP-induced heart palpitations (after having viewed the photos of our dear friend, gravity, tugging down RP's already low-slung trousers, to reveal a slice of his grey underpahnts...), and not something more serious!

    Hoping all is well. :)

  44. Thanks for the smiles, I loved the list!

    Oh yeah, thanks to Twilight I have realized that I stupidly married Jacob instead of Edward...WTF...gotta find my Edward.

  45. Hmm, forgot to say I'm also over 30, twisessed and your blog is the only twilight blog I follow *shy smile*

    Oh, and I might, on occasion (every day) quote items from "the 100 list"!
    Congrats to all of you, especially on the mind reading!!!

    P.S.: Can I please, please, please get a Twitarded T-shirt and mug shipped to Portugal, as soon as you start making them, "Pretty please--with Robert Pattinson on top?" (see what I mean?)

  46. Awesome list--thanks SO much for putting it all together and for everyone's submissions. It made me smile and appreciate life after Twi even more.


  47. This was outstanding and cathartic!

    It's so strange how other women you don't know can practically speak for you....

    (in best high rob voice) So Weird!

  48. ok, first off, if there are a million typos I apologize but I'm on ML's Mac and... WHERE THE HELL IS THE FUCKING BACKSPACE?! (At least I found caps lock)

    Anyhoo, I have to be honest STY really worked so hard to get this out there. I just kept the wine flowing.

    But we had the most amazing time with all your responses - not to get all sappy and shit (because I don't roll that way) but you all are a bunch of fucking kick ass ladies (and dudes. Are there any dudes on here?). Seriously.

    Okay, enough mushiness. I need to go work out... you never know... ;)

  49. Today I think I had a "Twitarded Moment"...

    I was walking through WalMart (hey, I picked up some of the forbidden fruit Twilight Sweetarts, well that and milk...) and I noticed a Mom-type
    woman w/ two young kids flipping through the posters.

    The kids were YOUNG, like 4-5-6'ish at most. But the Mom...the Mom was standing, mesmerized by the two posters facing each other. One was Jacob,
    the other was Edward. I guess I
    was staring a bit as well, because she turned & we caught each others' eyes. We simply smiled and nodded. Dazzled by flippin' posters.

    Holy hell, thank you ladies for Twitarded!

  50. Thank you Thank you Thank you for the list. I fell out of my chair over the comment about cock-blocking by mentioning Twilight. PRICELESS.

  51. Twilight makes me smile...and that is a good thing. Anything that brings a little whimsy and happiness in the world we live in is something special.
    People who wonder WHY grown women (and men) love it so much have lost that little part of themselves that holds the flame of romance, whimsy and fantasy. What a sad life it must be for them.
    For's not about vampires and wolves and supernatural. It is about the truest and purest love story. The kind of love everyone dreams of but probably doesn't exist. He is willing to fight against everything he is...his very being for her. She is willing to risk her life...every day...put herself in danger just to be with him. It touches your heart and takes you back to days when you weren't so jaded. To a time when you still believed in romance and pure true be able to go back to the innocence of your youth. That to me is a treasure beyond compare. We should all be proud...and thankful. Romance lives in each one of us!

  52. Wish I could buy you girls an
    'Edwardtini' or six! You are so totally bloody fab!

    Have you seen the photo of Robward stubbing out his fag on The White Rabbits head statue today? I wanna say to him "Bad boy Rob, go to my room!"

    "Like I said, Twitarded the only place to be"........



  53. Oh this list was so great! I love twitarded because i so am and though i've never commented Id like to add one:

    My boyfriend and I actually have hours long convos about twilight to the wee hours of the morning. He wont ever admit to his friend that he likes twilight though. He actually wants SM to write one continuing after BD. We each have our own separate hobbies (he loves sports and i paint) and after 5 years together twilight has given us something to love together!

  54. That was great!

    Ways Twilight has changed my life:
    1. I'm completely ROBSESSED.
    2. Rekindled my love of reading - SM is a genius.
    3. Browsing online contains much Twilight-related websites

  55. OMG! I have finally found the right place to be! I love the list soooo much, most of the things apply to me 100% ... Thanks to you stopped questioning my sanity or maturity - I'm 38 and the whole Twi-obsession bug caught me totally off guard. It's so comforting to know there are more of us! I'm going to be a regular here! Love you guys!

  56. Hey guys! Just found your page today, and thought I'd say hi because, though I didn't know there were twitards out there, I belong to a group called twi-nerds, and I'd venture to say we're pretty closely related. Haha! My friend and I have a site called, in fact. I loved this post, and I wanted to let you know that I'm posting a link on twi-nerds because I wanted to share it with our followers. Thanks for the awesome post. Definitely made my day. :)

  57. I have noticed that i cant stop smiling or laughing when i read something about Twilight. I have also noticed that i hope the cullens or jacob appears at my school this next year while im in high school.

  58. So, did I miss the checklist that came along with this? Or were we just supposed to nod and laugh along? :)

  59. What's another day of laughing out loud inappropriately at work and then trying to hide my snort with a cough? (yeah, nobody's buying it...) I lovelovelove you guys and every hysterical thing you say. This website feels like home and makes me think that I'm not such a freak afterall. OK, I am, but it's nice to be in such great company!

  60. Wow - I am so honored to be included. Let me take my gum out - Big wet ones on all y'all.

  61. alli&#39;msayingisthatifjacobkissedmeiwouldn&#39;tpunchhiminthefaceJuly 2, 2009 at 12:04 PM

    I recently visited family in the Seattle area, then ditched them for a scenic drive around the Olympic Peninsula. Port Angeles, La Push, Forks: check, check, check! I went into one of the numerous Twilight giftshops, got some bumperstickers and postcards, went into Forks Outfitters, got a Team Jacob shirt (yes, I am on Team Jacob), and took a picture with the "Welcome to Forks" sign!

  62. LibbiiCullen-BlackJuly 3, 2009 at 2:28 PM

    Heres mine -
    1) Now if I meet someone one of the first things I ask them is 'Have you read Twilight?' If not I dont bother carrying on the convosation.

    2) Whenever I'm feeling down i can just think of Edward or Rob and I smile instantly.


  63. I love that you two are out there doing your thing, your way!

    Thanks for the little wink wink nudge nudge say no more at the end of the post ;)

  64. Check out my Blog.

  65. LibbiiCullen-BlackApril 29, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    Heres mine -
    1) Now if I meet someone one of the first things I ask them is 'Have you read Twilight?' If not I dont bother carrying on the convosation.

    2) Whenever I'm feeling down i can just think of Edward or Rob and I smile instantly.


  66. alli&#39;msayingisthatifjacobkisseApril 29, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    I recently visited family in the Seattle area, then ditched them for a scenic drive around the Olympic Peninsula. Port Angeles, La Push, Forks: check, check, check! I went into one of the numerous Twilight giftshops, got some bumperstickers and postcards, went into Forks Outfitters, got a Team Jacob shirt (yes, I am on Team Jacob), and took a picture with the "Welcome to Forks" sign!

  67. So, did I miss the checklist that came along with this? Or were we just supposed to nod and laugh along? :)

  68. Hey guys! Just found your page today, and thought I'd say hi because, though I didn't know there were twitards out there, I belong to a group called twi-nerds, and I'd venture to say we're pretty closely related. Haha! My friend and I have a site called, in fact. I loved this post, and I wanted to let you know that I'm posting a link on twi-nerds because I wanted to share it with our followers. Thanks for the awesome post. Definitely made my day. :)

  69. I love that you two are out there doing your thing, your way!

    Thanks for the little wink wink nudge nudge say no more at the end of the post ;)

  70. That was great!

    Ways Twilight has changed my life:
    1. I'm completely ROBSESSED.
    2. Rekindled my love of reading - SM is a genius.
    3. Browsing online contains much Twilight-related websites


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