Tuesday, June 9, 2009

We're Celebrating Our 100th Post With a Contest!

"Nice work, Snarkier Than You & Jenny Jerkface! I'll be by later to help you celebrate..."

In an auspicious concurrence of two noteworthy [to us, anyway] milestones, Twitarded is posting THIS, our 100th post, while almost simultaneously crossing the "50,000 visitors" mark. Yay us (and everyone who's helped us to get here)!

This might not seem particularly impressive, since we started the blog back in January, but let me just toot our own horn for a sec and point out a few things (like the obsessed blogger I am): in January and February combined, we had a grand total of 88 visitors. 87 of which were either JJ or me (the other person must have just been lost or something). It got to the point where we disabled our feedjit [aka the gadget that shows a running list of where a blog's visitors are coming from] because it was embarrassing to see nothing but the two of us constantly checking in to see if anyone else had bothered to read our stuff yet (they hadn't). In March, we averaged less than 75 visitors a day (not that we obsess over our stats. nope! not us!). So the other 48,000 (or so) of you have stopped by some time after that. And fine, fine, I know that this still isn't particularly impressive in the grand scheme of the TwiBloggy Universe, but it makes JJ and me very, very happy!!!

To celebrate, we're having a contest and giving shit away! That's right - we'll probably botch this somehow and it's possibly illegal in at least several states for some reason, but who cares?! We're a blog! We can do whatever we want because nobody will notice! Wheee!!!

Here's all you gotta do: we want to compile a list of "100 Ways Twilight Has Changed Our Lives" ("100" - get it?!), and we need your help. So send us your funniest observations! What has changed for YOU, for better or for worse, since you first cracked the spine on Twilight? We might not be able to use them all or credit the submissions when we post them (and let's face it, some of you read this blog in secret and don't want your name associated with us in any way), other than to say YOU helped make it happen, but we'd love to hear from you!

Here's the beginning of JJ's list! [thanks JJ!]:
  1. I haven’t read a book that wasn’t about Twilight or vampires in nine months.
  2. ML can’t remember what I look like without the eerie glow of a computer monitor stuck in front of my face.
  3. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed this hard in my life. On a regular basis.
  4. I’ve learned it’s ok to have no shame or social filters.
  5. I almost feel like a cool kid on the block.
Anyone who sends a response to Twitarded@gmail.com will be entered to win their choice of the prizes below! Please note that you have to send your response via email to Twitarded@gmail.com and NOT LEAVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS (we can't contact commenters, sooo...). We'll choose one winner at random from the submissions we receive.

So what's in it for you? Let me confess up front that we don't have anything spectacular to offer as a prize... In the unlikely event that we'd somehow managed to get our hands on an autographed or exclusive anything related to Twilight, we'd be keeping it for ourselves. We love you all, but we're selfish, greedy bitches like that. At least when it comes to Twilight. Sorry! But at least we're honest, right? That said, who doesn't love free stuff? So what we ARE offering to the winner is your choice of the following swell items:

The Secret Language of Birthdays book - in mint condition except for some minor slobber and wine stains on the 'May 13' pages [jk!]. This is an awesome (and huge!) coffee-table-worthy hardcover book! Plus you can actually show this to people and they won't think you're weird (or they'll think you're less weird than if you try to show them, say, your Twilight Edward action figure). It's a great conversation piece at a party - you can even have friends sign "their day" if you want! Besides, isn't that pile of Twilight merchandise you keep hidden in your closet taking up enough space as it is??? As an added bonus, you'll be able to re-read "The Day of Natural Appeal" over and over and over again at your leisure.

A collection of Twilight-inspired perfume sprays (and a small body lotion) made by Essence of Twilight. Essence of Bella,* Edward, Alice, and Jacob. I have no idea what possessed me to buy this stuff, since I'm not a perfume fan (and that is a HUUUGE understatement You can read about it here!). Er, I am sure it seemed like a great idea at the time... And then it arrived and I remembered that I don't wear perfume. Oops! All I can say is maybe it's time to have a breathalyzer installed on my computer. Includes four 2 oz. sprays + a 1 oz. "Promise" scent body lotion. In a fit of Twilight-scent-induced hysteria, JJ and I sprayed each of these once or twice before I realized the error of my ways.
*Note: If you cover yourself in a cloud of "Essence of Bella" and suddenly Robward materializes at your side, I want it back. Immediately. Edward action figure not included!

A copy of the Twilight dvd from Amazon.com (two-disc version). I know that all of you probably own at least one copy, but maybe not everyone does and either way, it's always smart to have a back-up copy just in case your S/O "accidentally" drops yours in the garbage disposal in a vain attempt to momentarily regain your attention. I ordered too many copies of the dvd and was too lazy to return this, OK? New/sealed.

To recap plus some rules & stuff:
  • Send your brief/succinct, funny (or tragic...) thoughts on "Ways Twilight Has Changed My Life" to Twitarded@gmail.com
  • We'll pick one random winner from the entries we receive, and they can pick one of the items listed above as their prize.
  • If you would like to be credited in a group "Thanks!" when we put together the follow-up post, tell us what name to use and we'll try. But we're not making any promises.
  • Submissions accepted now through Friday June 12th.
  • Open to 18-and-older residents of the U.S. only (sorry Canada - I don't know your customs regulations!).
Good luck!

39 comments:

  1. You guys are so sweet to do this. And I can't wait to read the 100 ways everyone submits. Congrats on the milestone!!!!!

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  2. Oh, question, can you only enter one item or can you enter multiple times? More random curiosity than desperate desire to have another version of the Twilight DVD. :)

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  3. YAY for 100! And YAY for the Twitards!! I'm a lame-o, who probably won't come up with anything. But I think you two are the beez kneez! That's lamespeak for freaking kick ass.

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  4. This is such a great idea! I am scribbling away at ideas. We can send as many as we want right?

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  5. @Heather - Good question! Um, I'd encourage everyone to send as many suggestions for "the list" as possible, but each person will only be entered once (otherwise I'd lose track - lol!).

    oh - and "the 100 ways everyone submits" - sounds like the name of a Twi-porn fanfic - hehe!!

    Thanks for asking!

    @cuteangiek - Whether you do something or not, you've got a great blog! : ) Thanks for all of your comments!!

    : )

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  6. A contest?? Saaweeet!

    BIG congrats ladies! Wish I could wrap up Rob for y'all and put nice red bow on his...uh...ahem..head?!(teeheehee)

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  7. Congrats Broads!! I'm working extra hard to come up with something extra smartass to submit!

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  8. Congratulations and jubilations and all that bullocks!

    Oooo exciting, cheers much - ok brains a clicking.....

    :)

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  9. Nice work cooch lips! That's all I have - I just used up all my brain power writing my own shit.

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  10. Congrats Ladies! I have loved every bit of the ride so far!

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  11. Congratulations, ladies!

    I will certainly have to send you an email, but I think that most of us would say, you two included, that Twilight has brought a lot of people into our lives that we'd never have met otherwise, and we laugh a whole lot more because of them!

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  12. Good work! J to the J and S to the T to the Y!

    How lame am I?

    Anyway, I'm evidently your eternal cheerleader.

    How funny, though...I just reached 700 posts and 100,000 hits! TWINS!

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  13. Thanks, all! And I just have to say that the submissions are rolling in and YOU CHICKS ARE ALL AWESOME! I am near tears and I am not a mushy person. Usually. But I make exceptions for good causes and this is one of them. This is going to be spectacular when it's all said and done. I am blown away already. And I know what I am doing this weekend - lol...

    : )

    P.S. I came up with the idea for having us all collaborate on the "100 list" after I searched the internet for something "Twilight 100"-related to go with this post and came up empty-handed. No offense to the few things out there, but they suck (ok, so I guess there's now way around that sounding like I mean to offend... But I speak the truth!).

    This is going to be g-r-e-a-t!

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  14. @Peace. Love. Twilight! - WOOOOO!!! 100k - sweeeet! Quite an accomplishment - congratulations!!

    : )

    OK off to sleep now - to have bloggy, Twi-filled dreams, no doubt! Again...

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  15. Oh Congrats on reaching 100!! I can't wait to see the list. I need to think of something witty because I want that birthday book...especially because May 13th (my bday too) is covered in wine stains!! :D

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  16. Can't wait to read the 100 ways Twilight has changed people's lives! We are addicted.We are hopeless. We need help. Strangely enough, I don't "suffer" from all this Twilightism... :)

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  17. Big Congrats girls!!!! 100 ... wow amazing, just like each of your posts!

    But, I´m quite disappointed : "Open to 18-and-older residents of the U.S. only (sorry Canada - I don't know your customs regulations!)" Ok, the age is not the problem, BUT hey guys you forget the European people!! Just remember where Robward´s from ...) And we germans are not so bad either, really!! :-))

    However, i will put a list together and send it (without the hope to win, "sigh"), because i still love you so much ;-)))

    I´m looking forward to read your next 100 post!!

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  18. STY - Woo there! Back it up, no greatness in this corner, but I thank you none the less. :) hahaha *blushes*

    Oh and lame blogger questions:

    WTF is the top blog thing? Did you ever figure that crap out? And do we all celebrate at 100? Even when we are lame?

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  19. @Danny - Sorry!! It's just that you can't ship certain things to certain European countries - like you can't mail perfume to France, for example (I occasionally sell stuff on eBay and I've learned the hard way...).

    And hey I offered to ship True Blood to you so you can't feel slighted - lol!

    : )

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  20. Hihi STY, i was just kidding :-)) I know this problems..

    And you offered to send me True Blood? Fuck, i really missed that, Sorry !!!!!
    Is it still an offer ? :-))
    This would be sooo cool, really!!

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  21. Congratulations on the milestone! Your blog is Hilarious, and I look forward to the next 100 posts :)

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  22. Congratulations on 100!!! Woo Hoo!

    Being Canadian I guess I'm excluded.

    FYI...I beleive all of the prizes offered can be shipped, just mark the shit as a gift and be done with it...
    (Not that I'm a ebay junkie or anything)
    But that's up to you, your blog your rules.
    Shit I was going to offer to do custom embroider twitarded T-shirts to add to your prizes...

    Not offended or anything... Snif.. wipes away tear... evil smirk....

    Oh well keep the blogs coming ladies, I still look forward to reading them every morning...

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  23. Hi JJ and STY ~

    I just love reading your blog... it is spit-your-coffee-out-while-you-reading funny! You two are super fantastic wonderful. Keep up the posts so I can laugh... and from now on I will endeavor to return the love via comments.

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  24. That's us! dirtying up computers and their surrounding areas Since 2009 - lol!

    @cuteangiek - JJ and I will use any excuse to celebrate, and you should do the same if you want to! and p.s. your blog isn't lame... : )

    @Danny - there was no expiration date on that offer so send me an email at snarkierthanyou@gmail and we'll see if we can make it work!

    @ red bella - ok YOU WIN!

    Calling all Canadians!! Please feel free to enter our little contest! If I can't ship your prize for some reason, please take it up with red bella... >;)
    that's right i am a tad evil, too! but you totally have my attention on the custom tee front - that sounds great! teaser - lol!

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  25. just like every1 else has said, CONGRATS!!!!!!!

    im so glad i stumbled upon ur blog. it really does make me feel like im not alone in my twi-session. you guys rock, cant wait till u hit 1000!!!!

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  26. Congrats girls ! Your blog is sooooooo good !
    I'm just a little disappointed : I can't enter the contest because I live in France. Maybe next time (for the 1000th post, maybe ?) you'll think of the worldwide twitarted fans ! And I already know what I'd like to win : the Creative Cursing book ! That would be so great for a poor little french girl who doesn't know any good english curses (asshole is the most creative I can think of !)


    Oh, and sorry for the too bad English !

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  27. We love our world wide fans, too! We promise we will figure out what we need to do send you guys stuff on our next contest!

    We still heart you!!

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  28. Muha ha ha.... I thought that I'd get your attention... wink...

    I'll email about the t-shirts...

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  29. had to come see what the fuss was about - via TwiCrack - this is aplace where I can truly relate - this Twilight/Pattinson crap is damaging my work ethic like you wouldn't believe!
    Cheers.
    txag80

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  30. COngrats on the 100th!!!!

    awwwww :(
    can I still send you guys the ways Twilight has changed my life?
    I'm not in the USA (Latin America is a bit farther than Canada), so I was just wondering that.

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  31. @alover - please do!! i just didn't want to offer a prize that i might not be able to send some places, but we'd love to hear from everyone who wants to participate!

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  32. Yay to your 100th:):) Can't wait to read everyone's responses!!

    So wish I had something witty to say right now but honestly after one week of having my girls home from school and I'm about to freak the fuck out!! I'm spent!

    I heart you! You girls are the bestest!

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  33. @AJ - Truly I think you should win just cause you KILL me with your comments on a daily bases. ;)

    Favorite gem: "Hell, for shits and giggles I might even lube up my whole body with glitter glue."

    Just thought that should be shared. ;)

    Hey kids,
    Go away so AJ can get her snark on.

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  34. just like every1 else has said, CONGRATS!!!!!!!

    im so glad i stumbled upon ur blog. it really does make me feel like im not alone in my twi-session. you guys rock, cant wait till u hit 1000!!!!

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  35. Muha ha ha.... I thought that I'd get your attention... wink...

    I'll email about the t-shirts...

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  36. Congratulations on 100!!! Woo Hoo!

    Being Canadian I guess I'm excluded.

    FYI...I beleive all of the prizes offered can be shipped, just mark the shit as a gift and be done with it...
    (Not that I'm a ebay junkie or anything)
    But that's up to you, your blog your rules.
    Shit I was going to offer to do custom embroider twitarded T-shirts to add to your prizes...

    Not offended or anything... Snif.. wipes away tear... evil smirk....

    Oh well keep the blogs coming ladies, I still look forward to reading them every morning...

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  37. @Peace. Love. Twilight! - WOOOOO!!! 100k - sweeeet! Quite an accomplishment - congratulations!!

    : )

    OK off to sleep now - to have bloggy, Twi-filled dreams, no doubt! Again...

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  38. Congratulations on the milestone! Your blog is Hilarious, and I look forward to the next 100 posts :)

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  39. Can't wait to read the 100 ways Twilight has changed people's lives! We are addicted.We are hopeless. We need help. Strangely enough, I don't "suffer" from all this Twilightism... :)

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