A few things I LOVE:
1) Reading the "This Is How You Found Us?" posts over at Letters To Twilight.
2) Checking our counter to see how many people have visited us.
3) Obsessing over our Sitemeter stats. Particularly the "Referral" pages [i.e. "how you got to Twitarded"].
Put them all together in one big Twilighty package and what do you get??? That's right! It's the very first breakdown of all the random, wild, unusual, and frankly sometimes a little bit disturbing searches that have led people here to Twitarded! Jenny Jerkface and I have been sending the more..."curious" referral links to each other for a while now - nothing perks up a weekday morning at the office like knowing someone was googling "lady bursting pee" and found your blog instead! We've had so many laughs and "REALLY?!?" moments over this that we've been meaning to share the random madness with you guys for a while. I figured since we recently crossed the 100,000 visit threshold [WOOOO!!!], it would be an opportune moment to discuss some of the more remarkable ways you found us.
For better or for worse, what follows is a random smattering of the searches that brought people here. Some of you liked what you saw and stuck around, which makes us go "SQUEEE!!!" Errrr, and some of you were looking for some really fucked up shit and visited Twitarded for .001 seconds and then got the fuck out of dodge, and for this we are also thankful. No "squee" for you (you might like it and honestly we don't want you sticking around).
I Want to Go to There [props to Tina Fey duly noted]
"twilight smut websites"
"hot twilight fan fic"
YAY! Our work here is TOTALLY accomplishing what we set out to do. Um, kind of... It may not have occurred to us when Twitarded was created, but hey - we gotta be us and we're very happy to be the dirty dames of Twi-bloggyland, thank you very much! And you guys seem to like us "as is" - minds firmly in gutter, mouths potty-like. To give credit where it is due, some of you manage to out-smut, out-dirty, and out-cuss us. We are in awe. And we [heart] you for it. JJ's ML called us "the Howard Stern of Twilght bloggers" a while back and we're flattered-ish.
Er, and then there were people who were looking for more than just some harmless Twi-smut:
"Rob pattinson being choked" - wtf? really?! Are you one of those dudes who had his sorry ass dumped by your girlfriend (or wife!) because "You're not like Edward!" and now you want revenge??? Get over it and stop being such a tool and maybe someone will find you datable again if you wise up. What you SHOULD be should be googling is "How can I be more like Edward Cullen?"
"twitard of the week" - Huh. Well, we haven't actually named one as of yet, but maybe we should!
"name of the montezuma's revenge episode on lavern and Shirley" - I have nothing to say to this because I have NO idea how it relates. This google search = fail.
"the first car radio on the moon book" - This baffles me on so many levels that it's like the google equivalent of an MC Escher print.
"why men love bitches fan fic" - Why? Really? What's not to love???
"will guys enjoy twilight"
"men love twilight"
Yes they will and yes they do. : )
"You just...don't...interrupt Robert Pattinson like that, okay? You just don't." - I have NO idea why you would google this, so if this was you, wft? email me... Um, or don't, because sometimes I forget that there may be be a Twi-fan or two out there who is no older than twelve...
"Rob pattinson bat shit crazy" - Hats off to your choice of words, but who wouldn't be nutters after the wild ride he's had on the set of "Remember Me"?? He's going to need serious, MD-level hope to stay sane!
"I am looking to rent a life size cutout of Edward Cullen" - I want one, too! And I want it to come to life in the wee hours of the night, just like my toy stuffed animals did when I was a wee lass.
"Robert Pattinson Stretch Marks" - must have been "sympathy stretch marks" after all Bella went through. And you non-vampy dudes say "empathy weight gain" is the best you can do. Feh.
JJ wanted to chime in, too! Thank you, netbook and hinky, boonies-of-New Hampshire internet connection...
"I like to make fun of twitards" - So do we! And we’d probably make fun of you if we knew you, too.
"Lady going crazy on train" - Ah yes, there is nothing more interesting than watching someone have an utter meltdown on public transportation. And what on earth made you click on our blog? [note from STY - um, it might have been your "I'm the Crazy Lady on the Train! post. Maybe. Just a guess. Probably not relevant...]
"Charlie and the chocolate factory twat" - Oh, you mean Veruca Salt? HUH? I had no idea buildings had vaginas! All deliveries should be made at the twat entrance, located…? Or is the twat his secretary? An Oompa Loompa? A factory that makes chocolate twats?
"Hot Teenage Girls" - WTF?! WHOA! Excuse me mr. pedophile (or horny teen) but you’ve come to wrong blog, mister. You will find no teenagers on this site. Only adult women who act like them. And really - how many pages into this search were you before Twitarded came up, a thousand???
And we saved the best for last:
"my cock was hard when i got her into the car we drove to a quiet place in the forest she took off her panties and i got my arm round her i pushed back the seat and fuck"
Yes, someone googled that ENTIRE thing! And it directed them here!
P.S. I have to admit that I realized a while ago that I AM one of those fucking weirdos who comes to other people's sites by wacky, possibly icky means. This occurred to me when I was looking for pictures to go along with the first "100 List" post. I was in the middle of seeing if I could come up with something clever for one of my favorites - "My eight year old now asks "Pretty please with Robert Pattinson on top?" - and suddenly realized that I had just searched for both "Robert Pattinson cherry" and "Robert Pattinson sundae" when I simultaneously hung my head in shame and busted out laughing (yes you can do both of these simultaneously. Trust me).
Thanks to all you folks for getting us over 100.00o visits!! We are flabbergasted and hope we can continue to keep everyone entertained!