Friday, July 3, 2009

Gratuitous Robert Pattinson Hair Porn...and Other Stuff.

It's a long holiday weekend and you know what that means! Everyone is off doing stuff and we're here posting fluffy sexy stuff just in case anyone happens to check in for a quick Twi-fix.

Today's topic: that hair. You know the stuff I'm talking about it. Hell I just spent thirty minutes sifting through pictures of Robward's boo-full head and I think I need to go lie down or maybe have someone break out the smelling salts... I know I'm not telling anyone here anything they don't already know when I say that Robert Pattinson's hair is so breathtakingly zexy that it is actually capable of making panties spontaneously combust. Totally 100% fact. Make sure your not wearing your favorites 'cause I can't promise they won't get damaged if you keep reading. We might need to designate special "hair porn panties": they'll be infinitely nicer than "period panties" but not so nice that you'll cry when they melt.

What IS it about that man's mane???

I love it long and tousled...

I love it feather back so it reminds me of every bad-boy I had the hots for in high school...

I love it when it sticks up a little funny...

And when the wind makes it go all haywire...

...even if it makes you look slightly homeless sometimes...

...or gives ya' a touch of the crazies...

Don't even try telling me you don't want to get your hands all into that hot mess...

Sometimes it makes you look like that guy from that last Star Wars movie who nobody remembers anymore...

...and speaking of Star Wars, I refer to this awkward grow-out phase as "The Wookie."

It's hot even when photoshopped - badly - onto someone else's body...

...or stuffed into "the beanie"...

Yup, still hot even when you shaved it all off. Nice try.

Oh shit how'd you get in here Jacksper??? Nice hair, though...for once (not your fault but still). Okay, fine, you can stay...

I don't even care if it never gets washed. Really. And I dig good hygiene.

But hot DAMN you do clean up nicely...

Veeeeery nicely...

OKAY YOU DIRTY BIRDS, SNAP OUT IT!!! C'mon - stay with me! Get ahold of yourselves!

Here - this is the photo equivalent of an icy cold shower:

I do NOT like you in Bella hair or Zac Effron hair {{{shudder}}}.

You can find more weird photo manips of Robward wearing other people's hair (including "The Donald" - lol!) here at Spoiled Pretty (great general beauty/stuff blog, too - check it out!). They also mess with K-Stew's 'do.

Have fun!

Fine, fine - maybe just ONE more to get that last icky one our heads...

P.S. Have you voted for us? Have you voted for us today? This hour? Has your S/O's email voted (they'll never find out - really!)? Both of your computers? Even the one in the kid's room??? What the fuck are you waiting for then?! Go vote for TWITARDED for "Funniest Blog"! Represent the Twidom like you know you should... Click at right to go to there. Seriously. For us. We don't ask for much. Just that you help us not be all humiliated. We can do that all by ourselves, thanks.


  1. That qualifies as twiSmut, as far as I am concerned. I won't tell you the dirty things that might happen to me if I actually got to massage The Hair. Jaspers is nice too....

  2. Thanks, STY--I didn't know I needed hair porn until I saw it. *sigh*

    LMAO at the "cold shower" one... (although the wearing-black-looking-like-david-hasselhoff-one is like a cold shower, too imo...*shudder*) And "hair porn panties" oh lordy!

    Have a great weekend picnicking with your Mini-E's, ladies. (I guess we may not all be ladies, there might be some Unitards out there...)

  3. God I need to keep an extra pair of panties at work now! Damn! That man is hot! My panties are good and scorched!
    Phew wipes sweat from brow... Squirms gophers to see if anyone noticed.

    What a good way to start the weekend!

  4. long live the wookie...

  5. I'm loving the hair porn ...even if it makes you look slightly homeless sometimes... LMAO, I think that one is my favorite :) Great post as always. Have a great 4th!

  6. I love the hair porn. He does have some motha f* zexy hair. Prince should write a song about how sexy his motha f* hair is. (ok, yah I pulled out Prince whatever)
    Oh, Rob and your not so smelling sweetly hair!! Rob's hair could be it's own entity and I would date Rob's hair.

  7. Rob's Hair Porn makes me a very happy girl. I'm slightly obsessed with a certain pic of rob in GQ, I haven't had the heart to trash it off my desk top like all the bazillion other pics that get posted on our blog. <---- this one... he looks like such a lost puppy I don't have the heart to put him in my recycle bin :)

  8. His hair is extraordinary. It´s really hair-porn!! I never thought this could exist but then Rob came to our live.

    But I´m unconditionally obsessed with his hands and fingers!! (I´m sure the hand/finger porn day will come. Hope for it!!)

    I have this hand obsession since ever, (Mr.Vanquish could tell storys ...) but Rob´s hands are just breathtaking.

    I always get a nearly hair-finger orgasm when he runs this beautifully fingers through his messy hair...

    And yeaah the GQ pics are definitely the best!!

  9. *gasp*
    Breathing is really hard right now ("breathe, Bella, breathe" keeps popping into mind).

    Thanks for the cold shower... and the "reviver" afterwards.
    Think I missed something at the begging of the post; going back to "re-read" it.

  10. LMAO! i still can't stop laughing at the fact that Jacksper snuck in there! hahaha. you guys crack me up everyday! thank you so much! i love you guys! <3

  11. I think I'm going to have to go to the hospital for the second degree burns on my bum that I got while staring at these delicious pics!

  12. STY:

    Fireworks may be illegal in Maine, but upon viewing these pictures, I sensed some exploding, in VERY close proximity....;P

    I adore the elegant GQ 'do, but Sex Drive Rob always slays me.

    The color of his eyes, intensified by the rakishly unbuttoned, slightly metallic shirt...

    the outrageous, suggestively unruly hair...

    the pouty-lipped, Blue Steel gaze, repeated in photo after photo, from this premiere (which was the event where, I am convinced, normally gawky Rob allowed himself to believe the unshakable, universal truth of his complete f—kability)....

  13. Wow. Thank you for the pretty, STY! I was done in by the 'slightly homeless' pic #5, srsly.

    I believe I have had a hairporn-induced stroke...

  14. The hair porn combined with the ciggy porn I posted yesterday - fuck, my panties just spontaneously combusted. If that keeps happening, I'm gonna run out of undergarments very soon! Happy 4th!

  15. Holy crappola bat-figgin-man! Can you say Multiple Orgasmic Proportions? Hubba, hubba.. What it is about this man? Have we all been brainwashed by the hair??

    "hair porn panties" haha Brilliant!Definately a must.

    I really think my tongue was hanging out until the friggin Zac Effron hair - YUCK! That bought me right back down to bloody earth.

    Thanks STY, now I have to go fix my self an 'Edwardtini' or three...


  16. Hair really does matter. Ask my huz when he tried to grow the tresses really long (ick)....nothin'....since he cut the hair and I've been drooling over rob's hair porn...he says he can't take it anymore...he's got a headache....meh

  17. So I'm like le huuuuge jacksper fan and let me just say...

    "Oh shit how'd you get in here Jacksper???"

    UNEXPECTED!! I fell out of my chair! There was no warning!! I blame you for my concussion!!

    But I still love you :) You made my day, once again!

  18. Oh ow I loved the "hair porn panties", even DH got a good laugh at that one! But as I am Team Jasper- well, second to Edward of course- my heart skipped a beat when his lovely face appeared! Jackson doesn't get the credit he deserves- it was just too bad that they Amber eyes were in the pic instead of his real gorgeous green!

    BTW- I'm officially obsessed with your blog and check here EVERY day now!

  19. i almost licked my computer screen when i came (haha) to the last picture....damn dude!


    Yeah, urmm slightly speechless, give me a moment(gonna have to minimixe the blog page so i wont continue to stare)

    ....... ok! so even before i feel in love with robs hair, i had i guess a hair fetish(?). i couldnt date a dude w/o hair that made me swoon. infact i hade the ex, grow his hair almost to jaw lenght and always have a 5 oclock shadow cuz it was 'zexy'

    jacspers hair is sexy in that pic, i like his hair alot too..... just not the shit they did to him in new moon. the huge mo-hawk does somin for me tho

    2. YES i voted!!!
    3. can you help me get votes too once their site is working??? =P

  22. Hair porn panties indeed. I think I need to invest in fire retardant panties. (For the record I hate the word panties and I just freely wrote it three times now--you have definitely influenced me in questionable ways!)

    The Benicio Del Toro hair killed me! Also "The Wookie"! Since Chewbacca was my favorite in Star Wars I will take that as an endearing reference. Rob can be my Wookie any day. However, I am slightly uncomfortable with the Mark Hamill reference--ha!

    Happy 4th Twitards!

  23. Oooh, oooh how about Twitardant panties? Damn, another cash cow idea! I am unstoppable. :)

  24. Uhm hairporn, Robward has great hair! Jacksper has too at times, but it really isn't his fault they style him so bad.

    I did vote, and I posted it on my Twitter too

  25. noooooo! not mark hamill - hayden christiansen? christian haydensen? christenhaysaywhatthefuckwasyournameagain??? see?! so forgotten that you didn't even remember he even existed and i cant even remember his name with help from the DH and he's great at stuff like that! him.

    "twitardent panties" - lol! i hate the word "panties" too but i'd buy those in a heartbeat! free with every mad libs purchase?

    mrs r - "Blue Steel " - lol! that's totally his "blue steel" gaze - i wonder if he practices it in the mirror or if it just comes to him naturally (i am guessing the latter but i will crack up every time he does it now)?

    : )

    happy 4th everyone! i am off to find more gratuitous twiporn pics for us to enjoy - hubba bubba!

  26. Who needs panties? Srsly.

    You have my vote. :D

  27. this was better than porn. I love you twitards.

  28. @STY--Ha! Ha! Hayden Christianson or whatever! Ha! Well, clearly in my mind there was no other possible reference and I totally dated myself once again.

  29. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the hair Rob-porn!!! I will be eagerly waiting for more twiporn because, lets face it... the pics are better with your comments under each, instead of me just googling them.

    And of course I did vote... several times over the last week, good luck!

  30. Wow...I never thought I could get so excited over hair! You all crack me up! So, did anyone else notice the similarites between Robward with Bella hair and Billy Ray Cyrus? Cold shower indeed. Thanks for the last pic to get that twisted image off the brain!!!

  31. I love your hair porn!!! The Bella hair especially. He kinda had the whole "chaz" from Airheads thing going on in that one lol.

  32. omg! omg omg omg!
    HILARIOUS website of his hair!!! (and Bella's too) (wait I mean Kstew) (whatever)
    thanks for the link

  33. *GASP* *GROAN* I think I need to be alone....

    thanks for the FIX!!!!

    hope you all had a happy 4th!

  34. Thanks for the gratuitous Hair Porn! I can now get back to real life for a while!

  35. i really really can't work like this!!!!! i just started to laugh after reading the line of "panties expontanously combusting" so i really really can't read your blog on the office, really, reaaally. i'll have to do it in mi house later

  36. That qualifies as twiSmut, as far as I am concerned. I won't tell you the dirty things that might happen to me if I actually got to massage The Hair. Jaspers is nice too....


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