Friday, July 31, 2009

K-Stew + Joan Jett = My Old BFF

When the on-set images from Kristen Stewart's Joan Jett biopic, The Runaways, started surfacing, I felt a little twinge of... something. I wasn't sure what it was, exactly, but it was definitely blowing some dust off of the nether regions of my brain. Then one day last week when I was flipping through some old pictures, suddenly it hit me with blinding vampire-like clarity (I mean, I saw the facets on the dust motes of this thought): I was holding in my hands what was essentially an image of K-Jett's early-eighties doppelganger, aka "My Bad-Girl BFF" at the time, Krystal [names NOT changed to protect anyone! Hey Krystal, are you a Twitard???]. To the scanner, Twitards!

My matching bad-girl half-tee had a Heineken on it and read "Grab a Heinie!" but I was just as camera-shy then as I am now...

You probably had a friend like Krystal, too! The one who awed you with her utter defiance and disrespect of authority, could French-inhale her cigarette smoke, knew curse words you'd never dreamed of, and had a well-earned bad reputation? Yeah, that one (um, in JJ's case, she was " that one"). No??? Frankly, if you didn't, you really missed out on some good times! Not to promote teenage delinquency or anything, but let's face it: that shit was fun!

Krystal was a true baddie; I was in way over my head... When we weren't hanging out at the mall, we smoked countless Marlboro reds in her bathroom, and snuck out of her window at night to go make out with boys. We shaved our eyebrows and wore copious amounts of makeup in shades of dark blue, purple, and black (when I discovered makeup, I discovered it HARD - my parents were absolutely appalled. In hindsight, I can't say I blame them). It was the summer of 1982 and we were thirteen going on twenty-two (or so we thought). Ah, good times, good times...

Anyway, we took a camping trip to Canada that summer. Don't ask me where we were because I have no clue, but I can tell you that it was the first time I had ever been out of the country and I was a little disappointed to find that the wilderness there looked the same as it did on my side of the border. As far as I could tell there was nobody around for miles, but leave is to Krystal attract some boys (I swear she must have been emitting some sort of industrial-strength pheromone... Or maybe it was that her look clearly said "I put out"). As boys are inclined to do when they want to impress girls, they showed us the abandoned quarry where they would cliff-dive (yeah I'm lookin' at YOU, Jacob!).

This is exactly like La Push only without the ocean or werewolves or Bella or Jacob or Victoria waiting in the water...

Further photos for your consideration:

Glad she learned how to rock this look 'cause here she just looks ill...
Just like this! But this was more "holy crap I can't believe I'm in a boat with my parents in the boonies in Canada and not at the mall... man I really need a smoke..."

When bad girls find themselves in the Canadian wilderness, bad girls skip stones. When in Rome...right? [Please note massive comb jutting from her back pocket--it wasn't easy keeping all those layers just right!]

Krystal would have had a ciggie stuffed in her maw, too, but the 'rents were around, sooo... If these pics had been taken by a teeny-bopper in the eighties, they'd look as crappy as my pics, too.

I have to wonder: over the years, has Krystal help up as well as Joan Jett?

Lookin' fierce!

Or does she look more like THIS:

STILL with the purple blush and blue eyeshadow?! REALLY?! Oh Krystal...

I may never know... Oh well! And Krystal, if by some random chance you should ever find this, don't sue me for defamation of character! Instead, remember that I could have been much, much meaner and email me instead! Let's do lunch. My treat!

Here's a little vintage [I can't believe music I listened to as a teen is "vintage" - ugh!] Joan Jett for ya!! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!


  1. Wow...memories of Marlboro reds at the mall or arcade, listening to "I Hate Myself for Loving You"! (back when you could smoke in public--and there was no age limit, woah), flirting with boys that I was secretly afraid would actually ask me out (and KNOWING my parents would not let me out with them at 13!)

    I had a friend like Krystal. They always seemed to have an older sister, you know, the role model sibling! LOL!

    I would KILL for my tighter-than-should-be Jean Machine belly-tee right now. Even moreso
    because at least NOW I have a flatter belly & actual boobs to make it look good. Sheesh, stuff like that is wasted on youth!

    STY, thanks for the memories!

  2. i wonder if you will find your krystewjet bff through this blog!? I wouldn't put it past the power of Twi and Mr SEXHAIR. She could Google it and find you!

    Crazier things have happened, like say, a movie based of The Runaways.

  3. Wow what a walk down memory lane.

    My BFF from way back when Susan Witt(haven't seen her in oh so many years.. call my dad to get my #, he's still in Ladysmith if you read this!) was such a bad ass and we had sooooo much fun together.

    Taking my horse out for a ride and having a ketchup bottle of Ice Tea and Vodka along. Nothing like drunken equestrian antics, riding down to the deep hole (no shit that's what the swimming hole was called) to meet up with the boys.

    My parents bought me the horse to keep me away from boys... Little did they know... They just gave me transportation!

    Then there was Loraine Humble she was another bad ass awesome friend that I haven't seen or heard from in years. We got into many wild escapades together, most memorable was when we went four wheeling with a bottle of southern comfort, she goaded me into drinking it straight going up the mountain and then coming down the mountain, I was puking behind the truck every mile. Ah such drunken fun.....

  4. Among my friend I think I was the Krystal. I was the one who always found the boys, supplied the smokes and assured them it was ok to drink their parent's vodka if we refilled the bottle with water (remember kids, leave some Vodka in the bottle so it still has a hint of Vodky taste).

  5. I soo went through this except mine was more like my fucker of a dad (I love him) moved me the last two months of my junior high experience from the beach to the Valley. Shit, if I didn't get my ass kicked almost a million times that first day. I befriended my own Joan Jett friend but we were more alternative/punk/goth/smoking/drinking (to which my dad still remembers the stain I made on the carpet after throwing up) rebels and no beautiful scenery for me. Our entertainment was trucking to LA or Hollyweird (and yes, we did take the god awful bus and survived) and pulling concert signs off buildings to hang in our rooms. This is why my kids go to Catholic school.

  6. I soooo remember those giant combs w/ the "sexy" sayings on them that you'd wear in your back pocket so that guys would look at your ass.

    I also vividly remember trying to sculpt and srong arm my absolutely insanely curly hair into those layers.

    Just thinking of this is bringing back scent memories of the lip gloss I wore in junior high.

  7. When bad girls find themselves in the Canadian wilderness, bad girls skip stones.
    - This needs to become one of our (as in Canada's) new catch phrase's or something.
    I washed my computer screen when I read that!

    I'm a 'Krystal' (spelt different) and I was a bit of a 'Krystal', but also had my very own one as well.
    That shit was fun wasn't it! - starts think of some of that shit- :D

    I love story time with STY!

  8. @mmMoxie - I was also the Krystal, I think. I wasn't even allowed to go over some of my friends' houses because their parents hated me so much.

    I remember stealing vodka and watering it down too! LOL!

  9. @JJ @mmMoxie--totally remember watering down the vodka bottle! I had the older brothers so I too was often the supplier of booze, cigarettes, etc. Oh those were the days. I kind of feel bad for my daughters because Mr. Vitamin R and I pretty much did it all--will they possibly be able to get away with anything naughty?

    Great post the old photos and the return to our rebel youth. Three cheers for all the Krystals from our formative years!


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