Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Possible Consequences of Being 'Out' of the Twilight Closet

There can be side effects and/or consequences for embracing your Twitardedness and this possibility should be taken into consideration when you are preparing to 'out' yourselves to friends, co-workers and loved ones.

Because, every now and again, admitting you're Twitarded could result in the spectacle that greeted me this morning upon my return to work:


I'm not sure if that picture on the left is The Mask or RPattz but it's fucking terrifying.



My boss is a mastermind of cubicle defilement. It is well known that when you leave on vacation it is of your own risk and I knew I was asking for trouble when I sent her this picture last Thursday:




What can I say? I guess I really like to tempt fate.

Welcome to my new cubicle! I hope the mail guys won't have trouble finding me, since my nameplate has been... 'updated'.



And here's a picture of 'Edward' and I when we vacationed in Washington state (oh, the irony) a few years ago.

And who the fuck needs a Batphone when you have the Cullenphone? 'Oh help me, Robward! I'm in need of some... 'assistance', preferably the kind where you remove our clothing and do naughty things to my vagina.'


Umm, I said do terrible things to my vagina, not my package of Melba Toast!! (For reals, doesn't it look like he's choking his chicken in this picture?)


Of course, now I'm so distracted because everywhere I look I see Robward's yummy face (minus that one scary pic) that I can't seem to concentrate on my work. Sometimes it's just not easy being out of the Twilight closet...

52 comments:

  1. OMG...hilarious!

    Luckily, I work from home - no surprises for me. :-)

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  2. LOL, this has happened to me too! Well, the reason for my office defilement was my birthday but they really let me have it. Here is the link to my FB for you to see the evidence:

    https://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2027026&id=1386947809

    Fellow Twitards, feel free to add me as a friend...there is usually something twi-related goin on on my page.

    Isn't that a great surprise to return to tho?

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  3. Bwa ha ha ha.....

    Only a select few of my co-workers even know that I've read the books.
    I work with a bunch of IT geeks, mostly older men. They have no idea of what twilight even is.

    Your boss is some creative deviant for doing that to your cube. I've been known to pillage a few cubes when people go on Vacation... Evil Grin!

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  4. Can we swap cubicles?? seriously mine sucks compared to yours! I have two funny post-it notes and a sigur ros post card on mine and that's about it.

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  5. OMG Your boss rulz! hahahahaha

    and yes, he does look like he's slappin the salami in that pic. he totally knows it too. sonofabitch

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  6. Oh God, that was snort out loud hysterical. I love the name plate and the phone - they definitely have to stay. Your boss is quite the evil genius (do you suppose alcohol was involved?). My boss was gone yesterday, so one of my co-workers & I dedicated our day to figuring out how to print out "Midnight Sun." Yes, Twilight has quite the effect on work productivity.

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  7. Your boss is in the wrong profession. She has mad interior decorating skilz! I'm sneaking out of the closet sideways with a drool-inducing pic of Robward next to one of Bela Lugosi (ugly, but he makes a good beard). I've convinced my co-workers I'm doing a retrospective on vampire evolution.

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  8. JJ I want to sit in your cube! I'm an in home caregiver. So I just get to look at old ladys all day.

    @ Showme -he's slappin the salami in that pic.

    LOL
    I'd be more then happy to lend him a hand.... or a vagina.

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  9. LOL I say you fucking SCORED!! I got a framed poster of Edward from a co-worker for my b-day and my boss about had a fit. Dude I only had it at my desk for half a day. He was just intimidated by Rob's jaw. Jealous much?

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  10. OMG i love your boss!!!!! idc if it was ment as a way to tease u or wut not, id love every second of it. and if they ask about y ur workplace productivity has decreased, just blame ur boss.... perfect ewxcuse now!

    can sum1's job in twitopia be to place random robward things all over the place? i think id like that job!!

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  11. Another post? And it's not even my birthday!

    Choking the chicken - I can't unring that bell. Now I can't make that pic be anything else, and I'm doing the silent, shaking, click-laugh at my desk. Sorry co-workers and innocent passers-by.

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  12. That's so fantastic! Welcome back, indeed! :)

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  13. You're clearly loved at work and I'm so jealous. I took the New Moon wallpaper off my computer when my boss was a little too curious about it. I could see her starting to wonder why a half-hour job took me 3 hours these days. (Must clear history now while I'm thinking of it!)

    Re: Rob's picture - I've always imagined him saying "cmon, you know you want to..."

    Back to the grindstone, JJ! - Suz

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  14. I never even though that RPattz looked like he was choking the chicken until I watched one of those "OMG rob is hot" videos set to fuck me music... and they zoomed in on it. Now it's all I see.. when I look at that is where his hands are!

    p.s. why is my word verification "gynessil" it sounds like something to cure a problem in your downstairs mix up!

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  15. I have to say that is some A+ cubicle redecorating :) Haha, the name tag may be my favorite touch. That picture does make it look like he's choking the chicken - I mean it really really does.

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  16. At least you know you are loved! I brought out Pocket Edward one day and they asked me if that was why I am in therapy. Nice. Love ya'll too.

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  17. That was great! I got to leave a Robward poster up for about half a day before a manager told me to take down.

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  18. I seriously fear for my mental state. I, literally, began singing:"Choke, choke, choke...choke, choke, choke...choke the chicken...choke the chicken."
    (as sung to the tune of Shake your Bootie a la KC & Sunshine Band)

    If I commit myself, will you come visit me?

    Will you bring PE?

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  19. Holy Crap! That was bloody hil-hairy-arse! What a great place to work.

    I kidnapped a guys Spongebob Squarepants cookie jar, we blindfolded it and took photos, then left ransom notes etc. It went on for a month. He could only get it back if he left 3 dozen Dunkin Donuts in the kitchen on a said date. Which he did, that was friggin hysterical.

    Bloody hell! That photo does look like he's having a wank.. haha

    :D

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  20. OME you guys are hilarious! This is my favorite site! I know what you mean I had my co-workers put together a Edward/RPatts collage for me on my desk on day after I left home. It was a huge surprise when I got back the next day. I get to look at Edward/Rob everyday!
    I know how you feel!

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  21. Ome I want a Cullenphone for work too!

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  22. And you wonder why I stay locked up in my Twi-Closet!! Although I am very close to putting up some posters of RP in my office at work - I need some motivation, but what I'm afraid of is that I'll just want to close my door for some "alone" time.

    PS - I want to choke his chicken... is that wrong?

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  23. That is seriously one of the funniest things I've seen today. I would definitely want to go to work if I had that to greet me.

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  24. I am so jealous!!! I think being out of the Twi closet has definite advantages, i.e. you now get to fondle sexy cowboy boot Rob on your work phone--hello! Are you kidding me? $10 says that photo is rubbed RAW..oops I mean ragged by the end of the week.

    I want time-lapsed photo documentation of fondle phone deterioration.

    Lucky, lucky girl.

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  25. LMAO ..That was the BEST! JJ - U R obviously loved at work. Yep.. Brilliant!

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  26. priceless.. atleast your boss is so ummm "good natured" about it all..LOL definitely an enabler..

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  27. Would it be inappropriate for a preschool teacher to decorate her classroom this way? :)

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  28. That pic of Cedward polishing his "wand" is priceless.

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  29. Awesome! Yeah he does look like he's doing something to his chicken. Now I'm going to giggle every time I eat chicken and I eat it quite often too. I hope I don't choke.

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  30. I totally love your boss!!!

    We don't have cubicles here.. open plan offices, although I am alone most of the time - seperated from the rest of the staff in an office upstairs. Pity my boss works down the hall or I could adopt a Twilight theme of my own :( NOT THAT WE GET ANY TWILIGHT STUFF HERE

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  31. answer a question for me please....

    how many time have you JJ & STY (also to your fellow Twitards) ready the Twilight series??

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  32. Oh, I've definitely been making LOTS of phone calls on the Cullenphone today! LOL!

    So far I haven't taken anything down and am waiting for someone from HR to figure out what's going on up here. It's only a matter of time...

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  33. So i need to bitch to my fellow twitards about something that happened to me last night while i was waiting in line for the midnight showing of harry potter... I brought along some reading material, because a.) I would be waiting for 3 hours and b.) that meant 3 hours of uninterrupted bliss. Naturally, my book of choice was Breaking Dawn. I wasn’t bothering anyone or even flaunting my twitardiness (mini E never even made an appearance), I was just consumed in my book and this ghastly looking girl ahead of me kept turning around and starring at what I was reading… I tried to ignore her, I really did, but the span of my patience is VERY short with nosey little twits, and I was doing pretty well, that is, until she scoffed at me…
    Without looking up, I said; CAN I HELP YOU? She just looked at me and said; “you’re not one of those pathetic women who are all obsessed with twilight, are you?". I simply smiled and said DAMN STRAIT I AM!!!!

    Seriously though, HOW FUCKING RUDE!!!!!!!! Since when is it okay to make fucking ignorant remarks to total strangers?!?!

    MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT IT'S 9:15 AND YOU'RE AHEAD OF ME FOR A MOVIE THAT STARTS AT MIDNIGHT... and I'M pathetic...

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  34. @Ida Bomb - WTF?! Good for you for keeping your cool!

    How old was this girl? Please tell me she was about five and didn't know any better.

    And was she aware of just how ridiculous her comment really was? LOL! I mean, really!

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  35. @Ida Bomb - WTF?! Good for you for keeping your cool!

    How old was this girl? Please tell me she was about five and didn't know any better.

    And was she aware of just how ridiculous her comment really was? LOL! I mean, really!

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  36. I would have just shrugged it off and ignored her had she been 13ish, but there was NO way she was younger than 20...

    Ugh it makes me so effing mad when people do that sort of thing... in a strange way, it gives you an idea of how the gay community feels, eh? <--i'm canadian... I mean, i dont push it on you so dont bother me about it... IT'S NONE OF YOUR EFFING BUSINESS!

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  37. That might be a lie, i did push twilight on my friends... Maybe some people at the book store, just sayin! worked for the most part, lol.

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  38. First I want to say that I was in absolute hystarics with this post! Now I do not feel so bad about all the Robward stuff I have hanging in my workstation. My coworkers think it is absolutely hilarious and often leave post-its with comments on the pics!

    One of my coworkers introduced me to faceinhole.com and I now have my own personal photo shoot with Robward (you know last years VF shoot with the cast, my face is now replacing Kristin's....hilarious). If you have not checked this out I recommend you do :) Something to do during a lil "down time" at work ;)

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  39. Welcome back, JJ!

    Re: that last photo:

    At first glance, I SWEAR the yellow and orange food wrapper that smoldering, industrious RP is aiming at...er...is reclining upon...said LOVE CUSTARD.

    JJ's lunch...love custard!!!

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  40. @ Ida Bomb ~ you have inspired me, i am going either tonight or tomoorw evening to see harry potter. i however have decided i will wear my Forks High Spartans t-shirt!! and if i get any crap from anyone, well there will be another story like yours except with threats of bodily harm and swear words involved! Good for you for sticking up for urself!

    ..... anyone else notice that alot ot the HP fans hate twilight fans? and twilight fans dont typically have ne probs with HP fans? i like both, ok wait thats a lie,a BIG lie, i like HP, alot, ok love it, but im unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Twilight. HP is my Jacob and Twilight is my Edward ......

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  41. @ida bomb I particularly like that you did not look up. I find that the college-age HP fans (these are the ones, btw, who came to the 4 midnight screenings in Union Square, and the 4 subsequent - we went to the 12.40) with the full costumes were most obnoxious. And you know, I was totally fine with most of it - Laymee brought me a hotdog and we had plenty of wine and beer beforehand (yes, wine & beer) so quite honestly the only thing that bothered me was the wait and the fear that I was going to have to have a wee. The only direct mention to Twilight that I heard all night was "This is totally going to be Twilight's opening" and "wait - isn't Remember Me being filmed near here? Do you think Robert PattERson will come to this theatre?" (couldn't help but audibly guffaw at this last comment)

    As I work out of my apt, there is little to no chance that anyone is going to bedeck my phone in man-candy. Will have to just change the wallpaper on the iphone for that.....

    And yes. I only see "love custard" now as well. btw - what IS that cuddly toy behind RPattz' head in that last pic?

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  42. @ I Punch Wearwolves- Believe me, it was close to that but 'luckily' *says with exasperated sigh* my brother was with me and i decided to spare him the extra embarrasment(I shame him with my twitardiness but i dont care). OMG though, perfect analogy!!! HP is SO my Jacob... LOL

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  43. just stumbled upon this site!

    love love love! <3

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  44. @ IDA BOMB ~ movie goers here in RI were safe for tonight, as i didnt get the oppertunity to go, but fret not im almost positive im going tomorrow.

    see i look at HP ( my jacob) as something i love in my life, it was there when twilight wasnt, and its def younger then me. and while i love and cherish it, it doesnt leave me speechles and dumbfound, aka dazzeled like twilight does....lol.... ahhh twilight my edward!


    ok enough with that now..... back to all things yummy and edward-like!!

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  45. Thats awesome. Tho, the lifesized Edward that I found in my cube on Monday (my bday) is way better. ;-)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FubZgDumBao

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  46. Tee hee..your boss rocks! That's the funniest thing I've seen in a while.. So, yeah coming out of the Twilight closet is not easy and I generally am careful who I out myself to, but how do I respond when a co-worker also my good friend (who can blame me now for my obsession being thrust onto her...she should thank me!) outs me to our NYC office during market! Really? Seriously?! I turned about 5 shades of crimson and split from the room.. Don't out me to defend your own awkward moment when no one understood/cared your "Does anyone else love Twilight?" comment! I would like to stay in my Twi closet at work thanks. I've made an ass of myself on my own plenty of times..let's not add to the social retardedness I seem to gush 24/7! lol...

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  47. Tee hee..your boss rocks! That's the funniest thing I've seen in a while.. So, yeah coming out of the Twilight closet is not easy and I generally am careful who I out myself to, but how do I respond when a co-worker also my good friend (who can blame me now for my obsession being thrust onto her...she should thank me!) outs me to our NYC office during market! Really? Seriously?! I turned about 5 shades of crimson and split from the room.. Don't out me to defend your own awkward moment when no one understood/cared your "Does anyone else love Twilight?" comment! I would like to stay in my Twi closet at work thanks. I've made an ass of myself on my own plenty of times..let's not add to the social retardedness I seem to gush 24/7! lol...

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  48. answer a question for me please....

    how many time have you JJ & STY (also to your fellow Twitards) ready the Twilight series??

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  49. Awesome! Yeah he does look like he's doing something to his chicken. Now I'm going to giggle every time I eat chicken and I eat it quite often too. I hope I don't choke.

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