Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Things That Make Me Go "SQUEEEEE!!!"

[I got nuthin' to say... And you all know I'm a wordy bitch...]

Now that everyone has had a collective moment or two to breathe and compose themselves after viewing the out-takes from the US Weekly photo shoot that were recently released, let me toss you all right back into SqueeVille. You know you want to go to there...

I think that one of our readers, we'll call her "TwiTexas" (or "TT" for short - you know we're lazy and like to shorten things...), said it best when she looked at a few of the photos we posted last night in our disturbing-but-warmly-received "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About What JJ Will Do With STY's Cremains But Were Afraid to Ask" post:
For fuck's sake, please post a Surgeon General's warning ahead of pictures of that hotness level! Holy fucking hell. I could have died. I just got off the elliptical machine & should have headed straight to the shower. Instead, I had to do a quick check of my usual online twi-haunts, as it had been several hours since I'd had a chance (I'm not sure if you should be flattered or grossed out that Twitarded trumps my personal hygiene). Cheese and rice! My heart rate was already elevated & I was sweating like a whore in church. At the first (of what will be many) viewings of that beautiful compilation, my heart pulled its emergency chute & shot out of my chest. While I wouldn't really mind a Death By Robward, I don't relish the thought of my husband & child finding me face down of the floor still clutching my iPhone. Somehow I think that little fact would work its way into my obituary.
Couldn't have said it better myself! These pics made my heart go all wonky, too - but I say if it gets into my obit - as is should! - post that motherfucking shit right here on Twitarded. It's only right...

Anyway, I would have posted this sooner, but I didn't want the country's productivity level to sink to absolutely nil during business hours... It would have been chaos!!! Anarchy!!! Although I probably should have given you all the heads-up to bring home/"borrow" that portable defibrillator from the office... Just in case... Oh well--watch at your own risk! You might want to have someone standing nearby - facing AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER - with a cold glass of ice water [to splash on you, not for drinking] and some smelling salts or something. Get together with a friend and take turns! And please, put it in "full screen" mode - ok? The music might not be for everyone, but who cares? If you want to see my new screen saver, it's at about 2:07...

Thanks to SarahCullenHale for putting this together!


37 comments:

  1. Ahhhhhhh! That was.. For me.... Brilliant! If I smoked, I'd smoke a cig right about now. Really, forget KY Jelly, just break out this video and I'd be good to go. Can you really blame any fan for trying to dry hump Rob when they see him? Fuck, just look at him. I LOOOVE YOU ROB!! There I typed it. I can't yell it because my kids are watching Nickelodean but thanks STY for posting this.

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  2. Nice job SarahCullenHale.

    I don't have a defib here but a fork in the toaster works just as well, I'm just saying...

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  3. PS. Don't you think that Rob's gonna need the Pope mobile tomorrow at Comic Con?

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  4. ok - i put it in full screen mode..anybody else's slutty eyes wander and stay in the bulging crotch area ??
    just sayin....

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  5. So, first of all - I read your cremation post at work - again, I tell myself not to do these things, but ended up looking like I was having a silent seizure yet again.

    As for this video and these pictures and general - um, I kind of want to go take a shower with Rob, as he's already drenched. Did I type that? For the most part, I haven't been too Rob obsessed - minus that he plays Edward, but I may have to jump on him... I mean the bandwagon.

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  6. My bright spot. What a sex-pie!!! LUVin him. Wow.

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  7. My brain has been so overstimulated ever since I decided to go ahead and fly my RPattz freak flag that it never occured to me to watch these videos in FULL SCREEN. Duh.

    After looking at these pics so many times I assumed I had become somewhat desensitized and that this would temper to the jolts of electricity to the nether regions (fork in the toaster?) Full Screen turned it up to 11. Guess what did it to me hardest this time... The tuft of armpit hair!!!

    Good god am I really going to get my self off to the image of armpit hair? Why yes, I think I will.

    Thanks ladies, here I was thinking I was going to show some restraint tonight and turn off the computer at Ch. 17 of The List (re-reading it because I refuse to start something new this week). I wander over to take at last peek for the evening at Twitarded and now I'm off and running again.

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  8. The one that catches me off guard is the drenched profile where his beautiful double-jointed right hand looks like it has some business to attend to, before he caught me lookin' - although he doesn't look that upset about being caught.

    ooookay, I'm off to a cool shower now. G'night fellow horny ho's.

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  9. i need an extremly cold shower or some new fucken batteries.

    urmmm can i just say at 1:10 and 1:15 plus a whole punch of pics round the 2:20 mark had me staring at things other than his face (which included eyes and jaw) neck, chest or hair....... oooo yeah my eye were buldging for urmmm his errmmmm buldge? lol

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  10. Thanks for the warning! It gave me a chance to settle in to my disinterested face, turn the volume on my iPhone off and surreptitiously tilt the screen away from the eyeballs of the rest of my family. Damn, keeping up appearances is getting hard. It's bad enough that I have to read your posts without cracking a smile because all their heads turn in my direction when I bust out laughing. The kids just won't let it go without finding out why "mom's keeled over looking like she's gonna pee herself". Even with the heads-up, it was a true testament to my willpower that I could feign interest in whatever dumb tv show was on, all the while melting in my chair. I feel like Midnight Sun Edward trying to keep from lunging across the biology table to attack Bella.

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  11. i hope you checked out the new moon movie website!

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  12. damn near licked the screen.....again! and now I drool on my keyboard....again!

    I have never in my life had the urge to lick a collarbone like I did after seeing the pic at 2:55!!

    @K_ITF - I shouted "Oh there it is!" 8D

    Off to have sweet sweet dreams. And say a little pray of thanks for RPattz, JJ and STY! <3

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  13. SWOON.................

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  14. This man is not 6 years my junior. It's just not possible. What are they feeding him?

    That video was awesome and now I will watch it again...

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  15. 1. KITF - Eyes glued to crotch area...absofuckinglutely!

    2. I won't be completely happy until I see that man naked (preferably standing at the foot of my bed!)

    3. Is he smuggling gremlins in his armpits? That's some serious bush under there!

    4. Full screen = Cardiac arrest 'FO SURE!

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  16. I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the excessive arm hair. WTF, does he have one of those Trollz dolls tucked away in there?

    Regardless his sexiness outweighs his I'm-a-hairy-mother-fucker-ness so it's allllll good.

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  18. STY!!!

    "The music might not be for everyone..." Huh? There was music on that?....

    Okay:

    At 2:29—the nostril-flared, pursed-lipped, intensely peeved, deliciously devilish sidelong stare....Oh, Jesus!! STOP IT!!!!!!

    At 3:05—You know how the theory goes: that people subconsciously touch themselves the way they would like to be touched by someone else (example: RP's excessive hair stroking...)?

    3:05! Right hand at "6 o'clock"!!!!

    *Mrs. R wishing to convert "6 o'clock" into "12 o'clock" ;P*

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  19. All I have to say is that I *REALLY* need to stop reading this stuff at work.

    I either end up all hot and bothered or laughing so hard that I look like I've been crying (or just took a giant bong rip...) They're going to start questioning my sanity/productivity at work. But honestly..i love you ladies! this blog makes my day so much more entertaining. (time to go look at more Rob hottness)

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  20. OMG Jenny, that's what I was picturing under his arm but couldn't think of what the hell it was - Trollz dolls! LOL! All I could come up with was a fucking gremlin, although I knew that wasn't right...

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  21. I have to be honest.. I like most of these outtake photos but the "deformed arm" and the "kitty scratch" ones, errr NO!

    Is that arm pit hair? Frig I thought it was his pet hamster. Guy the Gorilla would be so friggin proud..

    But and I say but he's still bloody gorgeous! :D

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  22. What a way to start off my work day, now I need a change of panties! Phew! Pant... and of course I have an early meeting this morning, it's going to be another squirm fest for me.

    What is up with all the armpit hair?? He is like a freaken gremlin or chia pet.
    Oh well who gives a rat's ass though, the rest of him is so bloody hot...
    I'm such a cougar!!

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  23. I seriously think I need to get a protective plastic cover for my laptop--they must make them....yep they do http://www.protectcovers.com/laptop.htm

    I think I need me one of those.

    @onoimatwitard2: I, too, took notice of that "tuft"--yes, it is rather trollz-like JJ but oh, the finger twirling possibilites.....I bet he is WAY ticklish. My man is hairy (within reason)and I love it...it is only when the hair gets going on the back and shoulders that I take issue.

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  24. I was very much enjoying the photos until the dreaded arm pit hair. UGH! But then I forgot all about it as the pictures moved on. I had to go back and re-watch it after everyone posted their favorite ones. Thanks STY for sharing this little gem!

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  25. arm-pit hair or not im still dazzeled by the buldge,lol

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  26. As long as there's no back hair....

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  27. hair-shmair! pfft! arm-pit hair, back hair.. i don't give a rats ass.. he can always shave or get laser hair removal... he could be the freakin wolf man and i'd still take him :)

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  28. I like 1:25-1:27 ALOT!SO SMEXY!GRRRRRR!LOL!Thanks for posting made my day.

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  29. Hey, I would fully embrace any of your pervy kinks. I thought the armpit hair rocked.

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  30. The man is like a fine bottle of Penfold's Grange - he's just getting better with age.
    And that leather jacket... **thud**

    After a pleasant meal of Guay Teow Gai at the local Thai we were presented with some mints that brought a smile to my face and is it bad I thought of you guys straight away? Here they are:
    http://s255.photobucket.com/albums/hh131/ncarey/?action=view&current=Winter2009052.jpg

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  31. Let's put it this way. If I was staring at that massive tuft of RPattz pit hair I'd still be turned on as long as I only have to look at it for a second or two. Any more than that I start thinking 'wookie'.

    @Narelle from Aus - Nice! LOL! Twilight is EVERYWHERE.

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  32. Holy Hell!!!!! I freaking LOVE a hairy Rob!!!!! Does it for me everytime. My hubby is really going to benefit from all of this tomight.

    He would thank you Rob, if he only knew it was all you that did it.

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  33. 高松宮記念 2011必勝!!数々のレースを的中させ結果を出してきた独自の予想と他にはない圧倒的な情報力を誇る当サイトだから見える勝ち馬予想!人気馬の大きな落とし穴とは!?

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  34. 高松宮記念 2011必勝!!数々のレースを的中させ結果を出してきた独自の予想と他にはない圧倒的な情報力を誇る当サイトだから見える勝ち馬予想!人気馬の大きな落とし穴とは!?

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  35. Holy Hell!!!!! I freaking LOVE a hairy Rob!!!!! Does it for me everytime. My hubby is really going to benefit from all of this tomight.

    He would thank you Rob, if he only knew it was all you that did it.

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