Thursday, July 30, 2009

Twitarded Can't Come to Computer Right Now... We're Busy!

Um, we suck tonight. That's right, I said it. We apologize for the disruption of our regularly scheduled nonsense and mayhem but... we've got a hot date.

Twitarded is goin' threesome (Don't tell Mini-E. Or DH. Um, or ML, for that matter).

We knew this day was coming and we thought we were prepared. You know, some hors d'oeuvres, a bottle of wine to take the edge off of the introductions--we were golden!

And then he showed up.

6'1" of corrugated two-dimensional goodness...

STY, that little slut my bff happily made him a drink and suggested he relax in the living room, where she promptly pounced on him and purred, "it's so good to finally meet you, FSE..."

STY gets acquainted with FSE. Fuckin' bitch. I know where she lives.

When I finally wrestled her away from him (trust me, you don't want to see the pictures. They were bloody. Jasper would have gone apeshit if he were here), I offered to make FSE another cocktail, since he sucked down the first one like a champ.

Me, being the ever-loving camera whore, begged FSE to snap a quick pic of us before STY realized we were gone.

And then it happened. Mother fucker. Nature can be such a bitch sometimes...

This is my fucking picture with FSE?! WHY the fuck is he so tall?! More importantly, why am I so SHORT?!


  1. all I can wonder is how you got that? Like did they ship it to you? How is it not creased? Where can I get one? ;-P

  2. STY ordered him. He's slightly creased. And he's also staring at me menacingly as I'm typing this. It's kinda creeping me out...

  3. Hubby said no way to the Ikea dragonfly lights in the bedroom. What the hell will he say when one of these shows up???

  4. FYI. this post comes up as the top hit when you do a google search for "full sized edward."

  5. ohgod ohgod...can't wait for lil E to meet big E!

  6. How is this NOT going to scare the bejesus out of you when you run into him in the middle of the night?!Lol

  7. You have completely made my night! After checking for the fiftieth time today to see if chapter 52 of WA had posted, I was ready to give up and put my sorry-lurking-ass to bed. You have made me feel much better, and far less loserish than I really should feel right now.(I meant that in the nicest way!)

  8. Oooh, I love it! He is one freaky looking dude. You guys are going to have so much fun.

    True story - we used to have a full-sized NASCAR driver (don't laugh) that we left propped facing out of our basement door as a 'theft deterrent system'. Flat Matt would scare the shit out of me every single time, even though I knew he was there.

  9. YES!!!!! hes finally here!!!!!! or rather there

    congrats on ur hot treesome date night..... dont kill each other please.... ooo nad dont do anything i wouldnt do.... which when it comes to rob/edward isnt much.... fuck it id do it all, lol

  10. Just don't try and have a shower with him! He may turn to pulp. And that would be sad for all. Let's see if Mini-E exhibits any signs of short-Edward syndrome?

  11. Welcome, FSE, to the madness that is TWITARDED! Ladies, congrats on your mildly creepy looking purchase! Enjoy! BTW, please make sure to give Mini-E an equal amount of attention, as I would hate to see his feelings hurt... small men are SO sensitive, after all! Let the games begin...

  12. So I read InProgress's comment and of course I had to try it and yea you guys are the first THREE links that come up when you google "Full Sized Edward." Congrats! :)

  13. Thank you, thank you! Not that I wasn't totally enthralled with the Victoria drama searing the web in the past 24 hours – seriously, after I get to see the Italy scene in New Moon I could care less who plays who, then dies a horrible death anyway – just want. Naked. Rob. Yeah, besides having a shitty week closing my business, I realized that there have been no Remember Me pics for over a week. I'd be dry-humping FSE too if I had him.

    PS - Nice ass, STY. Will Edward break down your camera shyness??

    Word ver: textrul - The meds I take to help me send legible text messages. ('cuz I'm over 40 and refuse to do cute abbreviations.)


    I have a friend that has a FSE and he freaks her out ever time she walks into the room, thinking there is a guy in her house.

    ~Snort~ if only....

  15. Well I jumped around my room just looking at your pictures with FSEdward. And I'm thinking it's pure anticipation. He looks a bit creepy now that I have a closer look... hmmm please just don't kill yourself over him, you can learn to SHAREEEE... (yeah right, as if I would).


    P.S. Verif word "table"... I mean table? What happened just there?

  16. LoL! Let the mayhem of Twitard proportions ensue!

  17. Whee! Have fun.

    You better laminate his face. And his crotch. Ooh! Maybe you can make a substitute face of Edward-at-the-Volvo-Leering. Or throw on a leather jacket for simulated WideAwakeward...

  18. You know I really want to get one of these...BADLY but I don't think Aimee and I could handle the awesomeness that is FSE...we would break him LOL

  19. LOVE IT! and i'm with anonymous that FSE is going to scare you to death one night lol!!

  20. Too funny. FSE and the girls, I'm loving the pics..In fact I made my husband look at them with me. He laughed and then he just looked weirded out and stared at my laptop. That's when I realized, TMI for him. So I told him to beat it. His comment was "Gladly" and then he left.

  21. I noticed the price has come down on Amazon. Maybe you can both have one.

    My wedding anniversary is coming up. Do you think it would be inappropriate to ask my husband to buy me one?

  22. Oh FSE, you have no idea what you're in for! I agree with lily - you better laminate parts of that boy!

    JJ - See... now you know how I feel with a husband a foot taller!! Someone's always getting cut off.... :(

  23. I may have to check in on JJ if I don't hear from her shortly - that thing IS pretty creepy - much creepier that either of us expected - and we both gasped audibly several times last night when he came into our line of sight unexpectedly (yes I know he wasnt exactly running around the place and jumping out at us, but trust me it still happened). When I left, she was considering leaving him behind the drapes, facing out at the neighbors house (if she's gonna have a heart attack, why not share the love, I guess?) but I think she decided against it...

    And he DOES come folded in half but it's still a big-ass box and my arm is still sore from schlepping it across town from my house to JJ's - he's light, but definitely awkward - lol!

    JFTR, I am actually not atampting to stick my tongue down FSE's throat in that pic (we'd JUST met! that'll come later...) - I was finishing up on assembling him... Although I do realize it looks like I must be at least getting a tiny bit of slobber on him. But nope! He is still spit-free!

    I think he would make a swell anniversary present.

    and suzspetals - thanks!
    : )
    Yes, JJ and FSE were both working hard to get me over my natural aversion to cameras... I was so focused on Edward that I hardly noticed JJ clicking away. Oh and the cocktails helped in that department, too, for sure...

  24. Love it. It's even creepier than the poster of him I hung in the bathroom at work.

  25. You. Ladies. ROCK!
    No matter how shitty of a day I am having I can come to the website and be assured that I will laugh, giggle, snort, and just about pee my pants.
    In fact I'm planning to tell my shrink that your website is better than any anti depression/anxiety medication currently on the market.

  26. So jealous. Even if he is slightly creepy. It's a seductive creepy.

  27. STY!! You need to go to my house and get Edward the fuck out because he is REALLY creepin' me out. I walked into my dark living room this morning and there he was, glaring murderously at me from the corner. I didn't even know I could make the noises that came out of me.

  28. I think that polyurethaning him might work better than laminating him. You can buy spraycan polyurethane. That way FSE would be weatherproof!

    Should I feel pathetic that my husband asked me this morning in a concerned voice if chapter 52 of WA was posted? He's not reading it, but apparently he's been hearing enough about it from me to know that it's a bad thing if it didn't get posted yesterday.

  29. ...and by weatherproof I mean drink proof, saliva proof...

    I would say he'd be protected from all bodily fluids but with the creeped out reaction he's getting from JJ he may not be getting lucky anytime soon.

  30. Aw, you two never fail to crack me up!
    See I knew this would happen ;-)
    (i didn't mean to send my last msg anonymously, I just um pushed the wrong button?) We can always count on you to take one for the team. I don't care whose 6 foot image was standing in my house in the middle of the night. It would scare the bejesus outta me! Once again I bow to your nerves of steel (sometimes balls of steel), and anxiously await to see what happens next.

    On the edge of my seat,

  31. Oh He Has Arrived! I am so excited for you, and for me who will be reading all the shit you do to/with FSE!

    ps. is it weird that I promptly picked up the phone and called my sis in law to let her know quote-Twitarded's FSE has arrived *squeeee*-unquote?!

  32. Can I ask what WA is? I feel like a tool asking, but I'm going to ask anyways.

  33. WA is the fanfiction Wide Awake. It is light years by far the best i've read. Edwards a human (which I never thought i'd go for). There are not enough adjectives to describe how incredible the story is (and theres some good smut too). Beware, though, it's basically a full lenth novel that you will not be able to stop reading until you are finished.

  34. And I'd like to second what onoimatwitard2 said about Wide Awake. It's phenomenal, and addicting... and I keep putting off reading the new chapters because I don't want it to end!!

  35. Holy crappola! FSE is in da Twitarded house! God help him!

    Maybe you should laminate him? Just to preserve him of course... Or laminate certain parts of him, parts that will get more use, if you catch my drift?

    Looking foward to the crazy FSE adventures.


  36. Sorry just realized I was a bit too slow on the laminate shit!

    I'm at work and didn't have time to read all through the commments..

  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

  38. Welcome FSE! Let the fun begin! I agree that you should put some type of protective covering over him. I wonder what hubby would do if I ordered one... Hmmmmm....

    Your pictures made me snort out loud with laughter! I'm getting strange looks from the co-workers. Bwa who cares!

    I love Wide Awake, it is so well written. I took my pseudonym from WA.

    I also love Tropic of Virgo as well. "Hello, Spark," just made my heart sing....

  39. FSE just in time for Fondle Friday! As mentioned above I also think laminating might be wise otherwise he might show the wear and tear if you know what I mean. Or you could coat him with Mod Podge.

    Nice arse STY--seriously--no need to be shy--love that fiery hair! :)

    Since the topic started I also heart Wide Awake--it is full of angsty hot wonderfulness.

  40. bwah ha ha ha ha!!!! this is WIN all around! I concur with all the other comments....I think you need to ask this guy to wear protection.

    @ohnoImatwitard2 - Ditto everything you said on WA! I started reading in April, and then finished just as AG's dry spell of non-updates happened. Now that she's posted 50 & 51, I am just waiting til it's all complete & going to read all the new ch's at once. 1st time in my life I've had willpower!

    PS - STY - I knew there was another reason beside Twitardedness that I love you - you're a redhead like me!

  41. on the WA note. Oh. Em. Gee. How did I NOT know about this? I just googled it and read a little snippet-synopsis from like chapter 35 or something. *swoon* Note to self: must exert self-control for now.

  42. FSE needs a full body condom to keep you girls from getting him all soggy with your drool (and other bodily fluids!!)

  43. SQUEEEEEE!! I am sooooo excited for you guys! Can't wait to see FSE on the commute to work and the cubes, in the woods....ooooooooh you should so climb a tree with him and be his littel spider monkey!!!! SIGH Yes, I have to live twi-cariously through you guys until BF leaves for work week.

    And then you should totally take FSE to see New Moon when it comes out! I will totally pay for his ticket! He would probably also enjoy a night at a piano bar, playing for you two lovelies.

    Have fun, post his adventures often, and don't forget to included Mini-E!!!!!

  44. @Anntastic @Latchkey Wife--"No glove, no love!"

    Veriword: "mashmum"

  45. hahahahaha. WOW. wow wow wow. OH EM GEE.

    he looks constipated. and sexy. interesting, i really hadn't thought one could look constipated and sexy all at once. leave it to FSE to blow me out of the water.

    STY and JJ, you guys are hot. you should take more pictures of your lovely selves. don't be so shy!

    FSE FTW!

  46. I love that you guys are so unanimously concerned with protecting FSE from US and our drooly, slobbery, alcohol-splashing and generally moist ways - lol!!! I'd be insulted if your concern wasn't absolutely warranted...

    : )

    That said, um, polyurethane spray probably isn't such a bad idea... I might actually have some in my scary basement. Not sure what I bought it for a while back but it definitely wasn't for FSE protection!

    It's a good thing JJ and I are such good friends because everyone else we know is going to disown us in no time flat when we start bringing FSE with us everywhere we go... Let the FSE good times begin!

  47. I only have one word for this.... AWESOME!

    and don't worry, eventually you'll get used to him lurking in your house and you'll enjoy when visitors are scared senseless... i had a life size Uma-Thermon-as-poisonIvy on my wall that a friend had left at my place and everyone would turn the corner and freak out. great fun!

  48. red_bella, thanks for the tropic of virgo rec!!!!!!

    I've read the first 6 chapters (thank god for summer and cousins for my kids to play with) and I'm hooked.

    I haven't read enough fanfic to really know, but I think Darkward is what does it for me.

  49. Yipee!! And I so feel the pain of the height difference- I'm 5'2" and DH is 6'6".
    As for WA- it's an amazing story, but she what I've read so far, if everyone is human and all that why no change the names and get the darn thing published for real!
    My perviness prefers The List ;-). Still vamps and tons of smut!

  50. Sooo, this is how my evening has gone thus far.

    Open door, walk in living room - shriek.

    Go to bedroom, change to work out, walk back in living room - DAMMIT! For someone so stationary he's a sneaky bastard.

    Decided having FSE watch me work out would be a good motivator - totally wrong about that one. Not even close. Not even in the same fucking galaxy. Baaaaad idea. Did you know I feel self conscious flailing around in front of a cardboard cutout? Apparently... I do.

    Finish working out, grab grub and a glass of wine (what, doesn't everyone start boozin' it up after a workout?) go back to living room - MOTHER FUCKER!!

    I am determined to get used to FSE glaring at me. If Edward in the book was far more menacing than FSE then Bella really was a dumb motherfucker. I mean, this is cardboard for crying out loud

    Oh, and FSE temporarily stands for 'Fucking Scary Edward'.

    I figure if I can be in the same room with a clown without feeling the need to murder it I can handle FSE.

    I think.

  51. Is it a bad thing that every time your son finds you in front of the computer laughing hysterically the first thing out of his mouth is "Twitarded?"

  52. When I was a teen my mom had a life sized cutout of Michael Jordan. That thing scared the bejeezus out of me all the time too.

    Despite being scarred as a child by my mother's mid-life crush and JJ's recount of her day of being continuously spooked by an inanimate object, I still want my own FSE. I think it will be worth a possible (probable) need for future therapy.

  53. Eeee....I'm so 2nd hand excited/scared/creeped-out with you! I wish I had a fullsizededward to play with but I'm glad I don't because he would definitely be fuckngscaryedward in my house.

  54. check out my Twilight blog at:

  55. I'm glad your cardboard boyfriend finally arrived!!! I can't wait to see what other shenanigans he gets up to.


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