Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Twilight Merchandise for the Discerning (and Possibly Closeted) Twitard


I have a confession to make: despite the fact that I'm the proud owner of an assortment of Twilight action figures, one gigantic Edward Cullen standee, and a vast assortment of other Twilight/RPatts ephemera, I wouldn't exactly consider my Twilight obsession to be totally out of the closet... Granted, I am not trying to hide my addiction the way I used to when I first became obsessed with the series, but I still keep it reasonably on the down-low. Let me put it in perspective this way: I no longer hide my book collection (although the magazines and posters remain stashed away like the porn that they are) and assorted Twilight goodies like Sweethearts and Twilight BandAids when we have company at our house, but when we finally get Full-Size Edward out in public, the ten-dollar difference between what he cost and what we raised will be spent on as much alcohol and valium as a ten-spot can cover, because I am gonna need it. And then some...

Anxiety over taking to the streets with FSE aside, it makes me happy to have little - and not-so-little - pieces of Twilight scattered about during the course of a day so that something is always nearby, waiting to make me smile. Even the most closeted fans can get away with some subtle and well-places items! Since Summit and Necca have for the most part done a lame job of satisfying my need for a Twilight fix (and Summit is on our collective shit list anyway), I went to Etsy to see what they might have to satisfy my jones...

I have always loved Edward's "Be safe" note - the font, the simplicity, the works! And at Etsy, you can find it on all sorts of cool stuff! The nice thing about"Be safe" is that even if someone is not into Twilight (because they haven't discovered it yet, natch) and doesn't get the reference, it still makes sense[-ish] and is a nice sentiment, so you probably won't get stuck explaining it to your non-Twi friends and even if you do, you can stammer something about how you are passionate about safety. Who's gonna argue with that?

I am definitely getting a vinyl "Be safe" sticker to put on my car! PB/Twilight Moonlighter bought one a little while back and I was totally jealous, so when I found it on Etsy for only $4 (including shipping!) I knew I would make it mine (maybe I will get one for JJ to stick to the window of her train every morning? Or she could put it on ML's car - he'd probably like that... [JJ's note - if I stuck that on ML's car I'd be walking to the train station EVERY. DAY.]).

Guaranteed to make you feel like you drive the most tricked-out minivan in town...
Get yours here!

They also had other cool "Be safe" pieces - options abound!
JJ and I are ABSOLUTELY getting a matching pair of these (further proof that I would marry her if only she had a penis... ) SQUEEE!

The ring above was temporarily unavailable at the time of this post, but the Etsy store that sells them, Twilight Jewelry, promises to have them in stock again soon and has some awesome merchandise that makes the stuff they sell at Hot Topic or wherever look like ass, so - definitely check them out!
They had this keyring...
And this bookmark set! Because I don't know about you, but I am somehow in the middle of both Eclipse and Breaking Dawn right now, so each book having it's own bookmark suddenly doesn't seem like such a bad idea...

Need something to keep your beverage chillin' on a hot summer day? Might I suggest this beverage cozy (it has the Cullen Crest on the reverse side!) by Diehard Twilighter: [JJ's note (again) I WANT I WANT I WANT!! And so does Vitamin R...]
Need something to carry around a fresh pair of undies (and maybe some smelling salts) so that you can freshen up/come to after reading Twiporn or watching one too many panty-melting YouTube videos at the office? How about asking "Wet Robward" to help out? OK, this may defeat the purpose and require a whole 'nother pair of panties, but you know you want this nice little zipper pouch, available here:
Speaking of Twiporn, from what I hear, some of you might be in need of something like this in nine months or so (available here)...
I wonder if they can customize to read "Twiporn"? hmmm...

Need everyone who enters your bedroom to know exactly where you stand? (available here):
No pressure, guys, but if you don't see feathers when it's all said and done, you probably weren't doing it right...

Or there is always this chilling silhouette of the Full-Size Edward standee to liven things up...
What do you mean it's glaring at you?! It doesn't even have eyes!
Although the "Be safe" takes on a whole new meaning here, no? (available here)

Er, and when you think DH or your S/O needs to know that there's room in your life for more than one perfect vampire man, you can get this iron-on for him (available here):
Hon, where's that glitter powder I just got for you??? Sweetie? Hello???

Think that's all there is? Trust me, my OCD friends, there is so much more and it is SO good (and some is SOOOO bad, too!). I have to admit, in between my re-re-re-re-re-reading of Eclipse, this blog, and the gazillion other awesome blogs, I've been trolling Etsy like an addict off the wagon. I am currently compiling more great Twi-goodies as we speak so check back later for updates!

And as always - Be safe.
(Cute button that won't out you available here)

53 comments:

  1. Where is the OBVIOUS merch?

    The BE SAFE Condom...duh????

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  2. lol @Amcas

    i've been looking for a cheap BeSafe car decal for a while.

    i could look through etsy for hours...

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  3. I am distraught! The Be Safe decal is sold out!! I Want One!

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  4. Once again, you rock my face off! Thanks for showing me ways around the "truce" i have with BF about flaunting my Twi-Robward obsession when he is home!

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  5. These are some cute bits of merch! Thanks for letting me know about the bookmarks, those look super cute. Subtle, yet so obviously going to be mine!!!

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  6. Sold out?!?

    There was another merchant selling them - do a search (but save one foe me - lol!)...

    : )

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  7. You bet your sweet bippy I want that beer cozy--are you kidding me? Can't you just see a nice ice cold Vitamin R peaking out the top of that? Or a PBR for JJ? Sign me up!

    It has been a while since a sifted through the wonderment that is Etsy for Twilight stuff--thanks for doing all the researh for us STY! I wonder if they have decals small enough to put on my bike? That Edward silhouette wall decal is just plain freaky....it makes me think of a murder scene body outline.

    Were you wanting the baby onesy to read 'I am a Twiporn Twibaby'? Something tells me there might just be a baby boom amongst twiporn readers--thankfully Mr. Vitamin R is fixed--shwew!

    Veriword 'tramp'--hmmmmm.

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  8. Oh yes, Etsy is a land plentiful with Twi-merch. I got my lovely Bella charm bracelet from JeweledAmbrosia (2 of them actually cuz I lost the first one and DH laughed at me when I cried). It's great cuz it only outs you if the other person is Twitarded enough to 1) notice it and 2) realize what it is.

    Can't wait to see what else you come across. I've always wanted a Cullen crest sticker for my car- another one of those things that you have to be really twitarded to recognize.

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  9. I went through 100 pages of items (literally) out of 700+ (I think?) but it was totally worth it! This is only a fraction of the stuff I found - but think of everything I missed! Yikes...

    And JJ and I both think that somehow the "shadow FSE" is more menacing than the FSE standee, too. {{{shudder}}}

    : )

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  10. my very own mike newton, saw and made me buy a window decal for my car, it says.... I Drive Like A Cullen...... ill send a pic later, its kinda funny

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  11. I need me some Be Safe stuff.. Everyone at my work will just think that.. actually I don't know what they'll think, it sounds like a Safe Sex ad. I DON'T care! I'm ordering tomorrow!

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  12. Truly, I love all that stuff. The only thing which restrains my from not buying every little shit out there is clearly MrV. He is already really cool about my Twitardenes but I´ll not make it even harder.
    The quote in the bedroom: Fuck, I would love it! Maybe I should ask for my personal bedroom, where I can also read all the FanFic....

    Robert Pattinson Zippered Pouch: This one is really gross! This is even too much for me, there is no way I could defend that - even for myself.
    And Edward-full-size on the wall would probably freak me out in the night.
    *see what you could have, but I´m just a fucking sticker in your wall!*

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  13. I have to say, my twi-merch habit is starting to creep up to the expense level of being on coke. I will HAVE to pace myself or I will be filing bankruptcy (and possibly being served with divorce papers) over my love of all things twilight!

    Also, I LOVE the bella jacket over on modcloth, I can't wait until they get it back in stock (they sold out of the pre-order already)

    I haven't heard of etsy yet so thank you for that, and VitaminR, you are co-responsible for me having my very own Pocket Cullen, I loved your youtube posting of your trip to forks :)

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  14. I saw a shower curtain with just Edward's giant face on it. That would freak you out in the morning before you had your coffee. However, nothing is more frightening than this monstrosity. WTF? Is this how the "artist" (I use that term loosely) sees Rob?

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23346067&ref=sr_gallery_7&&ga_search_query=robert+pattinson&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=11&order=date_desc&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

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  15. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23346067&ref=sr_gallery_7&&ga_search_query=robert+pattinson&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=11&order=date_desc&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

    Sorry, didn't let me post the link previously

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  16. FUCK! oh well. Trust me. It was gross!

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  17. @Twinatic--glad I could contribute to you having your very own Pocket Edward....every girl needs one.....or two....or in JJ and STY's case three....now I am jealous!

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  18. you can imprint whatever you want on these condom wrappers (not the condoms themselves) but i think the wrapper works better anyway... nice little reminder. easy to follow for the drunken masses.

    http://www.branders.com/product/promotional_items_Condoms_Bulk?prdid=23244&breadcrumb=true&zone=US&bc_type=search

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  19. I coughed on my saliva from laughing too hard 495946547 times while reading this.

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  20. I have full intentions on getting the "Bella Mittens" pattern! (I live in Canada...mitts are one of the many things keeping you alive in the 10 months of winter!) Another one of those "unless you know" goodies! errr or get a rrrreal good like at my hands+ your in the know...

    "Be Safe" rings-but that on your left hand ring finger, you got your self a chastity belt!
    j/k j/k I do like those rings!

    VW- mylver "mylver is wetrob!"

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  21. I haven't actually purchased any Twi merch but someone did a post awhile ago on another blog showing some of the stuff out there. I found myself very seriously eying a fleece blanket with pictures of Rob all over it.

    My thought processes went along the line of.... Well the pics are in black and white so it's kind of tasteful and classic... It would actually get used so it's actually functional, not just indulgent....my hubby and kids already know I'm in the throws of a Twilight induced mid life crisis so they wouldn't be surprised if they found it on our TV couch....

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  22. @mmMoxie - I cut and pasted the link... ewww! Weird, and if someone pays $20 (incl. shipping) for an 8x10 spray-painted piece of cardboard, then I've got some beach front property in Denver!

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  23. I have the 'be safe' vinal cling and I get asked about it all the time. I just smile at my private joke so I'm not completly outed yet. The bracelet I got at the twilight shop is a different story because when you wear a werewolf on your wrist...well lets just say its out and about then...lol

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  24. So not fair. Can get nothing here. Amazon won't deliver to South Africa, nor will any other American or UK site. You guys don't know how lucky you are!!!

    the most I've managed is a Keyring, t-shirt and bumper sticker sent from the US to the UK, where my in-laws will be visiting next month and will bring it back here for me...


    I'm now calling myself Sarah (SA) - because I see there's another Sarah lurking around these woods...

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  25. How in the world did I not know about this site!?!?! This stuff is so cute and ten times better than the stuff we can find at hot topic!

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  26. Thanks a lot... now I'll be more in the poor house. Mother fucker. I need it all. NOW. Hmmm... Edward Cullen pillow cases? Have you seen anything like that? I guess I'd only need one - I somehow can't see the husband sleeping on that!! LOL!

    PS - My verification word is "spregl" - it's almost like an abbreviation of Spread Eagle and seriously, isn't that the position we'd all be in given a few minutes with Robward??

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  27. Here's another link for the window decal -

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=23620422

    And I have seen the shower curtain - don't worry, it's definitely going in future post - lol!

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  28. ...and this person has a bunch of cool decals, too (including Be Safe and a bunch of True Blood-related items):

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=28445624

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  29. I have such clay brain. I'm so frugal, but all it takes is a little post like this to make grope wildly for my credit card.

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  30. OMG! The creepy silhouette! I must have it! I have the perfect spot in the bedroom for it...or maybe the kitchen. Hmmm...the BF is not really fond of the redecorating I did last week, but whatever! It's my house dammit, and if I want Robward all over my abode, I will have him!

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  31. I'm far too stuck in the closet to even consider getting any of these. Meh - I'm okay with that.

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  32. @Sarah (SA) Ebay Baby! There are tons of twi merch on Ebay and most will ship world wide!


    Ah yes my twi-crap\twi-treasure collection has gotten oh so out of hand.

    I just got my pocket Edward... Let the mayhem begin.

    I have a charm bracelet that I wear daily with a small crystal heart and copper disk with be safe stamped in it. It's small enough that only a true twi-tard will know what it's about.

    But.... I also have Bella's Jacket, Alice's dress, a bunch of posters that I haven't put up yet, the rubber bracelts that I don't wear, Alice's choker, the various magazines, the collector's edition of Twilight, various T-shirts my favorite reads "Forks makes me wet" and there must be other crap/treasures that I'm forgetting about.

    OH... The twilight calendar, WTF is up with that? Instead of hanging like a regular calendar nooooooo.... I has to hang long side up....

    I picked up a danger magnet vnyl decal at the Dazzeled by Twilight store in Forks but haven't put it on the car yet. Some how Smart Car + Danger Magnet sticker seems a little ironic?!? I did see a huge Twilight vnyl decal on ebay that I was thinking about....

    Yup my obscession it way out of control...

    And the new moon mechandise is starting to come out....

    I'm in trouble!!!

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  33. As if you needed it, just additional confirmation that you KICK ASS!! :)

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  34. Damned you woman. And here I'm trying to stay off Etsy...

    I do love those bookmarks though...great find!

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  35. you know i want aALMOST all of it, STAT! your such an enabler!! A TWINABELER! I've never been on etsy.....The only stuff I have purchased so far are...the books and movie, the movie companion book, trading cards (not even the good ones, i got friggen laurent, butt crack santa and james WTF?)

    My work bff bought me the is my mini shadesward and bella, a keychain and Twilight Mom iorn on that is still in the package.

    I plan on making some bookmarks and mini book on quotes.just cuz i have tons of scrapbook crap to use and nothing better to do with it.

    i need to see that showercurtain!

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  36. OME! Thanks STY! You are the best. I have now ordered my very own Be Safe decal. Well actually, I ordered two. YIPPIE!

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  37. LOL!! how can the shape-edward be more menacing than the FSE??.
    and the "be safe" in my bedroom would alert my parents a little too much about the sexual conduct of their daughter.
    althought i want the "i drive like a cullen" for my car! problem is i don't have a car!! you see?? the universe conspirates against me!! xD

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  38. aw hell. my twineed couldn't be met by all the merchandise from hot topic. now you post this. that shadow edward made my naughty parts scream. my visa card will hate me in the morning.

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  39. Oops. We forgot to mention that you probably should have installed a breathalyzer tester on your computer prior to reading this post so there is no drunk-buying.

    You guys have them on your computer, too, right?



    @Limon Power - I don't have a car either so I feel your pain. Though, to be honest, if I did it wouldn't have a 'I drive like a Cullen' sticker. It would be more a long the lines of "STAY AWAY FROM MY VEHICLE IF YOU WANT TO LIVE" or something like that.

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  40. I got one I got one!!! the car decal will replace my Obama sticker, see ya later sucka!

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  41. hahahahaha, you guys crack me up so much my stomach hurts! You really need to be the new Sara Silverman or something!

    And of course what makes it soooo funny is that it hits soooo close to home!!

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  42. Haha. Love the idea of carrying spare panties in a Wet Robward pouch! For those frequent, surreptitious, at-work, accidental panty-meltings.

    I'd like a bumper sticker that says "I break for unicorns"... that's kind of subtle... right? Under a "Be safe" sticker, of course... ;)

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  43. OME! I cannot believe they came up with a full-size E decal! Oh how I wish I could get away with shiz like that in my room...
    And yes, it's about time they come up with the "be safe" condom. They already made the post-coital chocolates for crying out loud! Haha

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  44. I recently bought a really cool rubber stamp that says be safe in Edward's handwriting. I've been using it on all my letters!

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  45. Oh, here's the link!
    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=26523398

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  46. @lily guillotine--that is pure brilliance-"I brake for unicorns"--I love it! Or would it be 'break'? Either one is great--once again I break my no stickers on the car rule for that.

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  47. @ VitaminR - Agreed - I might have to get that bumper sticker...

    @Anon - I saw that stamp - very cool! They had one of Edward & Bella too (er, but I guess that would have limited use...). If I bought the "Be Safe" stamp I just know all of my friends would end up wearing it - lol!

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  48. I got one I got one!!! the car decal will replace my Obama sticker, see ya later sucka!

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  49. LOL!! how can the shape-edward be more menacing than the FSE??.
    and the "be safe" in my bedroom would alert my parents a little too much about the sexual conduct of their daughter.
    althought i want the "i drive like a cullen" for my car! problem is i don't have a car!! you see?? the universe conspirates against me!! xD

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  50. hahahahaha, you guys crack me up so much my stomach hurts! You really need to be the new Sara Silverman or something!

    And of course what makes it soooo funny is that it hits soooo close to home!!

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  51. @ VitaminR - Agreed - I might have to get that bumper sticker...

    @Anon - I saw that stamp - very cool! They had one of Edward & Bella too (er, but I guess that would have limited use...). If I bought the "Be Safe" stamp I just know all of my friends would end up wearing it - lol!

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