Thursday, August 6, 2009

A Twitarded Little Game...

Okay, this is just something fun (or lame, depending on your mood) that I figured I'd throw out there for shits and giggles. I basically (er, completely) stole the idea from Cracked.com. You see, they have a fun little section called Craptions where they post a picture and people make up captions for it in the comment section.

When I saw this picture I knew I had to post it here. And I'm pretty sure you'll all know why, too.

Think of this as interactive blogging - have fun and leave your captions in the comment section! And remember, there is no 'line' at Twitarded to cross! Well, yes, technically I suppose there is but we just haven't found it yet. And I'm pretty sure the only way we'll ever know we crossed it is when it's biting us painfully in the ass but... oh well!

Oh and a warning for the faint-of-heart: if you have a line, the majority of our commenters are absolutely going to cross it. And we will be cheering them along all the way [or until the authorities get involved... and then you better make good on your promises of bail money]...

Helpful example to get you started: Imprinting means WHAT?!


Image found here or here. It ain't mine, that's all I'm sayin'.

93 comments:

  1. "I said NO Jacob! I won't be sixteen till next week!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Somebody give me a SHIRT!! I'm not SEVEN YET!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "JACOB! I SAID I HAVE A HEADACHE! I'M.NOT.IN.THE.MOOD!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Twinatic...we're all n'sync. lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. Why the fuck would she name you Renesmee???!! I can't imprint on someone named Renesmee!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "I don't care what you say, that is NOT a Tootsie Pop!"....

    ReplyDelete
  7. "RENESMEE, YOU BITCH! You ate the last yoplait!"

    "I WAS HUNGRY JACOB, I WAS HUNGRY!"

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bwahahahahhahahha!!!

    I'm sorry. But I scrolled down, looked at the picture and started laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face. I can't even think. K- let me now actually read this post. *scrolls up*

    I've got nothing. Plus Limey just ruined me because I'm yet again dying laughing. LOVE IT!
    Sorry this comment is so damn lame.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh. My. GAWD. I knew you bitches would go there. I just knew it... lol!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Renesmee quickly pulled up her pants after realizing that kind of "full moon" has the same effect.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @mmMoxie - holy fucking shit!!! I just spit out wine reading yours. You REALLY went there.

    We heart all of you. We really do. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  12. "NO JACOB! I already tried! IT DOESNT FIT!! WELL TRY AGAIN NEXT WEEK WHEN IM 15!! "

    Is that a line yet? ... oh well probably not ;) lol

    ReplyDelete
  13. ~Jake when i said eat me this is not what i had in mind!!!!

    ~I didnt know when Uncle Emmett said you'd be an animal in bed some day this is what he ment

    ReplyDelete
  14. "Jacob you really must brush your teeth after licking your arse, cos it really smells like poopy and it's burning my eyes"...

    ReplyDelete
  15. "No, humping my leg is not fun for me, down boy!"..

    ReplyDelete
  16. @Limey
    "Jacob you really must brush your teeth after licking your arse, cos it really smells like poopy and it's burning my eyes"...

    HAHAHA! poopy

    ReplyDelete
  17. "The only reason I'm glad Twilight isn't real."

    ReplyDelete
  18. OMFG you guys kill me!! Sitting here pretending to be watching a scary movie with Mr. Snarky and keep spewing my cocktail and cackling hysterically! Er, he's starting to notice that maybe I'm not watching what he's watching - just sayin'...

    OK we knew you guys would go there but what the hell Stephenie Meyer started this shit and can we really be blamed for going with it?? No, we cannot. I think that I hear the "To Catch a Predator" cameras setting up outside my door as I type... uhoh - JJ I might have to scoot out the back door and over to your place! Thanks a lot for posting this here, you URL-thieving hussy!!!

    : )

    Limey & mMoxie, hat's off!! I mean, totally waaaaay bad and I heart you guys for it!

    ReplyDelete
  19. The girl's saying, "AHHH, your breath"!!

    Maybe Jacob in wolf form has bad breath?

    ReplyDelete
  20. "No, I do not have a bloody pooper-scooper, pick up your own damn poop"...

    Think I'm done! haha

    ReplyDelete
  21. "Imprinting: Really Smeyer, what were you smoking?"

    ReplyDelete
  22. @STY & JJ - Hey you guys always brighten my day so, thank you.. and a big puffy heart to you too. :D

    ReplyDelete
  23. "Why Jacob, what big...um...ears you have."

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wolf: "It's totally okay for us to imprint because Smeyer is Mormon and this is Twilight, and I will contain my urge to bed you until you're at least 16..."

    Girl: "FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  25. "now i know waht claire was talking about"

    ReplyDelete
  26. I love the Jake Hate! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  27. "Jake, YOU may not think fleas and crabs are the same bloody thing but...."

    ReplyDelete
  28. Boy: on a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
    Girl: will he offer me his mouth?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: will he offer me his teeth?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: will he offer me his jaws?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: will he offer me his hunger?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: again, will he offer me his hunger?
    Boy: yes!
    Girl: and will he starve without me?
    Boy: yes!
    Girl: and does he love me?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: yes
    Boy: on a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
    Girl: yes
    Boy: i bet you to say that to all the boys.
    ~Meat Loaf, You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth (Hot Summer Night)

    ~ i couldnt resist

    or Duran Duran, Hungry like the wolf

    ReplyDelete
  29. "C'mon Nessie, your Mom let me maul her..."

    ReplyDelete
  30. I knew this was going to end up a delicious train wreck. You know, the kind of disaster that is bloody and gory but you can't help looking?

    @Merbella - made me choke, dude. Made me choke.

    I mean, you all are really killing us. IPW4F - you're evil and I love it. Mrs. Robward - OMG. 'nuff said.

    And if you don't hear from STY and I by tomorrow night your asses better be starting a bail fund...

    ReplyDelete
  31. "Jake, when you said you were going to eat me like you did Mom I thought I would like it!"

    ReplyDelete
  32. "Jake, I'm sorry the Milk Bone box is empty, I promise to buy you more treats 2morrow!"

    ReplyDelete
  33. No Jacob! The dingo ate your baby is the PUNCHLINE! It was a joke...ha ha?

    ReplyDelete
  34. @for the love of pictures - The Dingo ate my baby! ha ha ha ha!

    Okay, really need to go to bed now. You guys are evil and delicious! Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  35. OH Mrs. Robward - EEEK!!! Wowsers. I mean, um, well... I got nothing! We said "Bring it!" and you um well you brought it. And then went all nice and Milk-Bone-y - well played!

    : )

    and IPW4F - lol!! Meat Loaf AND Duran Duran?! Well played!

    ReplyDelete
  36. "I said 'peanut butter....peanut butter!!!!!!' REMEMBER JACOB!! That's our 'safety word'!!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  37. "Jebus, for the last fecking time. I am not in to chicks, Leah!!"

    ReplyDelete
  38. "Mom, I think I need a different babysitter!"

    ReplyDelete
  39. Er, don't people use peanut butter to attract the animals? Or so I've heard. or read somewhere... lol!

    ReplyDelete
  40. It was at this moment Renesmee realized that when Jacob said she smelled delicious, he didn't exactly mean it in a figurative sense...

    or

    "I won't put on the Little Red Riding costume to satisfy your sick fantasy, and you can't make me! Mommy!!!"


    P.S.) The word verification for this comment is "pounce," which I think is incredibly apropos.

    ReplyDelete
  41. DON'T YOU DARE JACOB!! I'M STILL ILEGAL IN WA!!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. "little red riding hood costume" - heeee!!!

    and am I the only one who found the creeptastic velvet painting of the big-eyed kid on the wall to be uber-extra-disturbing??? hello??? anyone? a little help, please? I know that everything else is totally distracting but c'mon people...

    ReplyDelete
  43. OMG Jake!! You stink!! Did you roll in shit again? Take a bath!!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. @STY - I'm getting that picture for you for your birthday. Deal.

    ReplyDelete
  45. @ JJ - I'll pay you not to... Please have mercy!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Daddy!!!! Jake's licking his balls and sticking out his pee pee at me again! Make him stop!

    ReplyDelete
  47. I don't even think the love child of Chris Hansen and Jack Hannah armed with a tranq gun would touch this. Of course, I have no such qualms.

    --"Godammit, Jacob! I told you we weren't doing that unti AFTER you got your Rabies shot!"

    ReplyDelete
  48. "This is not my destiny this is a fucking freak show.....Mommmy!!!!!"

    Allright that is all I got after being with my children for 10 straight hours with no break today. Throw me a bone people.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Jake, put that lipstick away. I'm too young to wear makeup!

    ReplyDelete
  50. "Jake if you pop your lipstick again before I am 18 my daddy is going to bite it off for real!"

    alternate:

    ...my daddy is going to suck you dry!"

    OK, done, I think.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Jake, phase back......i keep getting fur stuck in my throat.

    ReplyDelete
  52. damn, this is just too much fun...

    "Fuck, Jake not doggy style again!"

    ----------

    & Yes, the painting freaks me out! I just couldn't think of anything to include it!

    ReplyDelete
  53. "MOMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ,,,,,,,
    Jakey's making those scarey ass eyes at me again!"

    ...No matter how hard he tried, Jacob Black was unable to find a Quileute version of the Vampire Eye Dazzle.

    (Does anyone else notice the creepy hairy hand and forearm where wolfy's paw should be?) {shudder}

    ReplyDelete
  54. "Jacob, I told you not to mess with the Blair Witch's trinkets while we were hunting this afternoon... Holy shit Jacob, why is she taking us to her basement?"

    Can't even begin to tell you why, but the lovely ambience of the photo made the basement scene from the Blair Witch Project pop into mind.

    And now back to our previously scheduled pedophilia captions.

    ReplyDelete
  55. @Twifixx- ya, that arm thing makes me shudder and wanna run away.


    But I can't make fun of this pic for 2 reasons
    1) I have a whole brood of kids- one being a 3 year old blonde so it's kinda uncomfortable for me
    2)I'm kinda Team Jacob so it's hard for me to make fun of him

    ReplyDelete
  56. @onoimatwitard2--I totally had the Blair Witch Project scene in the basement flash too. Oooo that was creepy.

    ReplyDelete
  57. 1st. I feel like a total ass, because I didn't know WTF smeyer stood for. ::palmface::
    2nd this picture is freaking me out. The human hand is extreamly disturbing.
    3rd ..... Okay, okay, chillax!!!! I'll cange my "who let the dogs out" ringtone already! Jeeez.

    That's all I got. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  58. Joshua Hoffine, holla!
    He just happens to be one of my favorite photographers.

    Sorry for my lack of a caption.
    Haha.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Ok Twitards (that means you STY and JJ). In all seriousness, where the fuck did you get this picture? It is most heinous! From the bizarre placement of the human arm protruding from the wolf (coyote) or is it growing out of the newel post? To the 1960's throw back "Big Eye" painting on the wall. To the bizarre dirty staircase backdrop. Should I even go into why the girl has NO FUCKING CLOTHES ON?

    This is truly a fucked up picture and it hurts my brain when I try to wrap it around the concept. For your next so called "game", can we start off slow please? Maybe ease us into perversion with baby steps?

    Ok. I'm finished faking my disgust. I really thought this game was AWESOME! Keep em coming you sick, twisted weirdos!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Renesmee says: Don't make me go all Volturi on you, bitch!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Edward didn't understand why the stuffed wolf on the stairs gave his daughter nightmares. I mean, she liked Jacob, didn't she? Come to think of it, Jacob hadn't been around for a while...

    ReplyDelete
  62. 'Jacob I'm not a newborn!!'

    okay slightly disturbed so couldn't come up with anything else!!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Jake, I'm not going to help you this time, I've told you a million times to quit eating the dental floss!!!

    __________



    Renesemee, when I count to ten, you're supposed to hide, that does not count as a hiding spot!
    ___________


    You moved my tennis ball, don't effin lie to me, just tell me where you put it!

    ReplyDelete
  64. MOM! HE'S TRYING TO TOUCH ME AGAIN!


    I know it's you Paul! Just because you rolled in some brown paint doesn't mean I can't tell the difference!!

    ---

    And holy hell fire, I was crying with laughter at these posts. I literally had to step away from the computer so I could actually breath

    ReplyDelete
  65. LOL@Twinatic -

    You moved my tennis ball, don't effin lie to me, just tell me where you put it!

    hahahahaha...pissy puppy.

    ReplyDelete
  66. OMG!! You guys are all very sick and twisted! I think I love you!

    I looked at this picture and just when whaaaaat the fuuuuck?!?!

    That's it. No caption came to mind. OK, I take that back. A few doggy style ones did, but they'd been posted by some other sick Mo Fo. >evil Grin<

    ReplyDelete
  67. Seriously, you guys kill me. I only joined the whole blog thing because I was reading your posts and laughing hysterically without a logon. It's great to know that there are some over 18's as obessed as I am!! Keep up the good work!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  68. @OutOfTheTwiClosed...exactly the case here. And not just over 18... most of use are a tiny bit more than that, and proud of it. I'm 33 and holding!

    @Twinatic I wanted to ask...is it like lunatic or fanatic? Bwahahaha! Oh, BTW...go back to the Mini-Edward Post. I knighted you (or something like that!)

    ReplyDelete
  69. JB: "IT WAS COLD! Take it BACK Renesme!"
    RC: "Sorry Jake, I didn't mean it. Let me try again. My, what a big..."

    ReplyDelete
  70. "Not the granny panties again Nessie! Go upstairs and put on one of those beaver-flavored edible thongs I got you!"

    Eww, now I feel dirty! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  71. Nessie! I am NOT done undressing you.

    OK I had another caption but I crossed the fucking line MAJORLY. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  72. Chillax, Jake. It'll be only 3 1/2 more years, kthanxbye

    ReplyDelete
  73. ~Stop doing your impression of Cujo, Jacob!!

    ~I'm sorry jake, i wont watch dances with wolves anymore.

    ~You can huff and you can puff but you wont blow my undies off!!!

    Wod verificaton~ Splogr..... it made me giggle

    ReplyDelete
  74. Okay this is so sick and twisted and just...WRONG! But it's oh so hilarious...

    The pic is so very creepin me a bit at work...

    blech...

    ReplyDelete
  75. OK, since the Dances with Wolves thing was brought up I can't help it....

    "Jake stop calling me Stands With a Fist! My stupid name is Renesmee! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

    ReplyDelete
  76. "Jake, either turn fully or go back to human. JUST DON'T TOUCH ME WITH THAT HAIRY HAND!"


    "MOM! He's doing the hand thing again!"

    ---
    Sorry, that hand thing is freaky though lol

    Verification word: pedsori

    Made me giggle considering this post

    ReplyDelete
  77. My daddy said that if we played Little Red Riding Hood again he'd like to play with us too!He said he'll do the Hunter!Isn't that nice?

    ReplyDelete
  78. The silver bullet was supposed to be a joke Jacob, how was I supposed to know that was what it was for??!!?

    ReplyDelete
  79. "DON'T ASK ME TO GROWWWWWWLLLLL!"

    ********************************

    "Dang . . . Carpal Tunnel!"

    ********************************

    RC: "My Jacob . . . Nice Jacob!"
    JB: "Don't make me spank you!!"

    ********************************

    You twi-twat's are too much! Hoorah . . I'm out of the closet!!! Been sneaking through the window each night (&day) for the past 2, more like 3 months. Sigh! Husband's serving walking papers real soon in think. At 46, Robsessed and Wine, who needs Estroven!!! Still figuring out the blogging action?! JJ and STY YOU ROCK! Keep it comin'!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  80. RC: "NO Jacob NO!"
    Twitards: "YES JACOB YES!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  81. -renesmee

    Jake .... Eww!Turn back to a human!Now!& dress again !Get the hell out of here before I tell daddy & mommy to bite your head off.Stop ! Jake!stop touching & kissing me!*bitch-slap*Your such a man-whore!Daddy & the rest of the family were right about you !i would never date you ever again!I never want to see you !it's over Jake!I never want to see you Jacob Black , again , you understand?wth were you thinking?

    -*sigh* I sux!I tried.

    ReplyDelete
  82. My Daddy is going to take one look at your mind and kill you for this !!
    You said you'd give me a chance at hide and seek!

    ReplyDelete
  83. "I said TORTOISE, not COITUS for my birthday present!"

    Veri: istogy - Is-to-gy to cum let's play!

    ReplyDelete
  84. I'm new, and I was looking around some of the older posts and I couldn't resist leaving this because I have a sick mind:

    "Jeez Nessie calm down! I said I was going to eat you OUT not eat you UP!"

    Too far?

    ReplyDelete
  85. @Banshee713 - I don't think 'too far' exists at Twitarded. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...

    And I'm glad you're looking around!! Keep commenting - we love everyone's comments.

    ReplyDelete
  86. @Jenny Jerkface
    Definitely a good thing! Thanks for the reply. When you teach pre-school, 'damn' is too far. Which bites when you spill a huge pot of glitter all over the floor and you really want to scream 'FUCK' at the top of your lungs and all you can say is 'Oh dear.' Another reason to love this site!
    ShitfuckcraparsecockbollixassholetitsbitchFUCK! That felt good. Thank you Twitarded!

    ReplyDelete
  87. "now i know waht claire was talking about"

    ReplyDelete
  88. "C'mon Nessie, your Mom let me maul her..."

    ReplyDelete
  89. Wolf: "It's totally okay for us to imprint because Smeyer is Mormon and this is Twilight, and I will contain my urge to bed you until you're at least 16..."

    Girl: "FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  90. The girl's saying, "AHHH, your breath"!!

    Maybe Jacob in wolf form has bad breath?

    ReplyDelete
  91. "Imprinting: Really Smeyer, what were you smoking?"

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!