Tuesday, September 15, 2009

He Knows That Kristen Stewart Wants IT...

Yeah I want IT.

TwiCarol told me that I had to go and check this out. In fact, she had to tell me several times before I dragged my lazy ass up and looked - but I looked. And I'm glad I did! Now you need to go look, too. Really! Do it!! In a minute... Read this first, then go peruse to your heart's content. Or whatever part of you it is that appreciates snarky humor...

This dude's blog is called "Kristen Stewart Wants IT" and it's all about exactly what the name suggests. Sometimes he writes about ice cream, sometimes he gets distracted by football or Jessica Alba's ass (don't really follow the former but the latter is quite nice), but mostly he writes about how Kristen Stewart wants IT (and sometimes how he would like to be the focus of her wanting IT). He's smart and laugh-out-loud funny and while he might not fill the huge hole that's been punched in our hearts by the absence of The Twilight Widower, he will make you smile and feel good and maybe forget for a little while...

When I came across some haiku poems he wrote a little while back (and this was on a self-professed bad day!), I knew I wanted to share but then the New Moon trailer sucked all other thoughts from my head and the VMAs kind of iced the cake and made me forget stuff even more than I usually do (which is a lot).

But here's a taste! Go check it out and then come back and share your thoughts in the comments!

He had me at haiku...

Kristen Stewart Wants IT She really does

I do have a few ideas for this week, but none for today. Back to the goals, I am not expecting to meet Kristen Stewart. That is not the purpose of the site. I would be comfortable having a Voltaire/Catherine the Great relationship with her. The two of them were pen pals for years and never met. Kristen and I could send each other email updates about how our lives are going. I would send her one like “What’s up? Work is boring. I keep watching the Where the Wild Things Are trailer over and over. I really think Spike Jonze is going to do a great job with this movie. For only being a 90 word children’s story, it really looks like a well constructed movie for adults that grew up on Maurice Sendak’s children’s books.”

And then she could send back an email like “Whaddup dog! (she talks like Randy Jackson in my head) I am still in Canada wanting it. We shot some scenes in the woods and I just wanted it the whole time. I then ate a turkey club sandwich for lunch and wanted it some more in the afternoon. Right now, I’m in my trailer wanting it. I’m really tired from wanting it all day today and yesterday and the day before that. If I can get some free time between wanting it I’ll try to remember to watch that trailer. I’m going to take a nap to rest up for a long night of wanting it. Peace dog!”

If I cannot think of anything to write that will not impede on my other ideas for this week then I will write haikus. That is the most logical decision:

I feel the power
Swirling winds that will crush all
Kristen Stewart wants

Dear Twilight: New Moon
I plan to pay to see you
Please do not suck bad

Kristen Stewart’s want
It cannot simply rub off
Nikki Reed never wants

Catherine Hardwicke
13’s deleted lez scene
Send it to me now

A follow-up point
Stop making movies always
Just being honest

We spent the night close
Your embrace warmed my body
I love you, vodka

A follow-up point
I hate all life the next day
When I am with you

To Kristen Stewart
Why do you want it so bad?
But please keep it up

To loyal readers
Apologies for this post
I will try harder

And lastly,

It is not just her
We all want her to want it
It helps complete us

Read his other posts because they're all pretty awesome and definitely have hork-shit-out-your-nose-funny potential (you've been warned). His take on the VMAs is particularly entertaining. And let's face it, we all need to add to our list of distractions to keep ourselves occupied until late November... Thanks for sharing, TwiCarol! And for being persistent...

P.S. I wholeheartedly agree with his assessment of "Where The Wild Things Are" - I love Spike Jonze and I am stunned - in a good way! - by this trailer! I loved this book as a kid and I couldn't think of a better director to bring it to life... Enjoy! [link/vid might be disabled at some point - a la Scummit/NM but the official one doesn't have an embed code so...let me know if it stops working & I'll update.]


22 comments:

  1. GAAAAAHHH!! This is my first time seeing this trailer and it fucking rules. Plus, it has one of my most favorite Arcade Fire songs in it. Yay!

    Er, ahem, where was I?

    Oh yeah. Damn, Jessica Alba DOES have a nice ass...

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  2. i cannot fucking WAIT for this movie (where the wild things are). entertainment earth has a buttload of where the wild things are merch (bobble heads and shit), and i wish i wasn't a poor son of a bitch (fuckyoudaycare), 'cause that crap is COOL.

    jessica alba's ass = smokin'.

    and OME. a man who writes haiku (and not just haiku, but haiku about twilight/kstew), that's a man after my own heart *tear*.

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  3. I love the Kristen Stewart Wants IT blog and have been following it for awhile. He doesn't update enough! We want more funny dude!

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  4. I just checked out Kristin Stewart wants IT, and I think I'm in love. This man is a genius.

    Best caption...(you'll have to go check out the pic for it to really make sense, It's in the second post from the top).

    "Warriors! Come out and play! Waaarrriiioorrrssss, come out and pla-ay!

    They might be the least intimidating gang ever. A racist, a girl who cannot stop wanting it, a girl who is hot, but has lost the ability to want and maybe a serial killer. Outside of Reaser, I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about the other 3."

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  5. YAY! STY, I am SO glad you finally checked out this blog! It is the funniest shit EVER - Next to you girls, natch! ;) I try to tell as many people as I can about it, because it is GENIUS! BTW, I think he's also in Jersey. I thought it was classic when I saw his post yesterday & he also seemed to pick up how uncomfortable poor Taycob was in those pics at the VMA's. In fact, when I read the caption under that pic, I did hork some of what I was drinking out of my nose! Welcome to the enlightened side - where we know of KStew's want & the immense power it holds! Tell me, now that you know of it, do you also see her want in everything she does?

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  6. that guy is FUCKING hilarious!! 13s deleted lez scenes! Already snorted shit out of my nose

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  7. OMG the haikus are killing me!!! Love it. My husband and I make up limericks and haikus when we roadtrip--they always crack me up. That is some pretty funny shit. I love his photo captions.

    I saw the "Where The Wild Things Are" trailer in the theater and it nearly brought me to tears--admittedly I was skeptical but what I have see thus far looks amazing. JJ, I too love that song.

    After the CW&IA fanfic update VitaminR wants IT too. Nighty night!

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  8. I agree. I saw this trailer before some movie. Can't remember which one but I actually felt a little teary eyed watching the trailer. The music is great and it looks like it will be AMAZING. I can't wait!

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  9. Oh, and I agree Jessica Alba has an amazing ass! Damn her and her good genes, trainers and live in cooks.

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  10. Bahahaha!!! I'm glad you shared the goodness of Kristin Stewart Wants It with us! Oh, and I love me some Where The Wild Things Are trailer. I heart you, I heart vodka and I heart baby kittens. Ok, maybe not the kittens but definitely the fucking vodka and Twitarded *hugs and kisses*

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  11. Love his blog, wished he had some sort of link on the side to get to older posts easier (or maybe it's just my computer that doesn't show 'em?)

    I've long ago decided if I had enough money to pay people to feed me, work me out, and spa me all day long, I too may look like jessica alba ... maybe not, but, in my head ... that's so how that shit goes down!

    I hadn't seen the WTWTA trailer yet, looks like it's going to be really good. Yay!

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  12. That guy's blog is great! I read the ENTIRE entry about what football position KStew would play and ended up learning all about football.

    He's right - Kristen looks like she wants IT all the time. That's what Rob will do to you though. It's the same face we all have when watching awesome Robtube videos.

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  13. If I spent the last 2ish years with rpattz, I think I'd look like I wanted IT also. ;D
    Must go and check this blog out! I love funny shit.
    I also love the caption to the VMA picture you added at the bottom. :)

    When I was in grade 2, we acted out "WTWTA" for our class Christmas play. We were very avant-garde for a bunch of 2nd graders. Santa, raindeer, Mary or angles Heck No!
    That movie looks like it could be epic!

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  14. You know, I never really considered it but @Track 10, yuo are ringt! if I was around "The Hotness" I would have that same expression on my face, 24/7. No doubt!

    : )

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  15. For some reason I can't stop staring at Jessica Alba's feet in that picture. I just think they look weird and alien-ish. They kind of creep me out.

    Just had to get that off my chest. Feel free to call the folks in white coats now...

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  16. Me last night...

    "We spent the night close
    Your embrace warmed my body
    I love you, vodka"

    And me today...

    "A follow-up point
    I hate all life the next day
    When I am with you"

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  17. @JJ - really, her feet?? I can't seem to get away from the crater between the cheeks personally, I've always been a fan of meatier asses (probably because I have so much to spare??).

    LOVE the KStew wants IT. Carol pointed me to it when I questioned the majority of society not seeing the lack of acting talent in said want'er. Now that the secret has been revealed, I walk around thinking about wanting IT all day long in an attempt to see if fate will drop RPatz in my lap.... I'll keep you posted.

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  18. @Amy- LOFL! XD!
    His haikus were killer. The vodka one got me. XD!
    And on a side note, I have noticed the absence of the Twilight Widower. Where'd he go? =[ And it was through his blog that I found this one. (Thank the gods!)But I so need a twi-widower update. =[ Where is he?

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  19. I think I love that guy. KStew talking like Randy Jackson - I don't think it gets better than that. Oh wait it does, just look at Jessica Alba's ass - I think Kristen wants it : )

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  20. You weren't kidding, that is seriously funny.

    I burst out laughing and now everyone in my office knows I'm not working when I should be.

    Bookmarked!

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  21. Me last night...

    "We spent the night close
    Your embrace warmed my body
    I love you, vodka"

    And me today...

    "A follow-up point
    I hate all life the next day
    When I am with you"

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