Monday, September 28, 2009

I Want New Moon.... oooooh, Wass That?!

So, the other day I was sitting on the toilet, idly playing Fuck Marry Kill in my head with the whole Twilight cast (I think I ended up fucking all of them, to be honest) when I realized something (besides the fact that I really, really need to get a life).

I feel strangely... empty since the New Moon trailer came out a few weeks ago. I've already watched it to the point where Jacob grabbing Bella and says "He left you Bella. He didn't want you anymore." is permanently ingrained in my brain and it's left me with wanting something more.

Like, the whole fucking movie. Oh yeah, and I kind of want to lick Taycob's face in the scene, too. I can't help it.

I want the big guns, the mack daddy to arrive. I want the damn New Moon movie to get here already. 52 days... We can do it... So close but yet so far!



Gah!!!! WHY is November SO far away??!!!!!!

Patience may be a virtue but I prefer vice, what can I say. I have my Twitarded shirt ready, my flask filled and my Doc Martens polished. All I need is the movie to show up in the theater where I have tickets. How hard is that? OK, fine, so Snarkier Than You already kind of botched things there by purchasing our tickets at the wrong movie theater, but we're beyond that little mishap now. I mean, it's not like I want the Earth to stop turning on it's axis (though that would be interesting and probably totally fucking catastrophic). I'm just tired of waiting.

Seriously, I have the patience of a two year old on a coke binge [er, or something like that]. I go INSANE when I travel outside of the tri-state area because (and I love all of you, I swear) but holy-mother-shit is the rest of this country sloooooow. Then again, you guys probably won't succumb to a stress-related heart attack like the one I'm headed for... and ooooooh, LOOKIE!!! Motivational posters!!!


Believe it or not, I actually had more to bitch about but then I found these and figured you'd like them better than my wah-wah-my-vagina-hurts-when's-New-Moon-coming-already word vomit.


But I waaaaaant it!!!

...and more [ahem] "mature" ex-punkers and their moms...

(this poster actually explains the nexus of our Twilight obsession)

Hands down - my favorite

Well, maybe this one is my favorite...


Buhwawawa!!! 'Nuff said.
And just because I crack up every time I see it...


P.S. - This multiple-personality-cluster-fuck of a post is a result of my current situation, which hovers somewhere between"you bought a house and are supposed to close in two days/no, wait, maybe Friday/nope, can't close this week, maybe next week/the township won't give us a certificate of occupancy until we REPLACE THE FUCKING SIDEWALK?!/Oh, when you said 'roof repairs' you meant 'you need to replace the whole fucking roof'?/When are we closing again?/Are we closing? Ever? In this lifetime?"

80 comments:

  1. Wow....those just kept getting better as i scrolled down. My daughter, who I just said goodnight to, yelled at me from her room to tell me to be quiet so she could go to sleep. (she just turned 3)

    My fav was probably the one..."if crap like this can get published...." So true!

    Thanks for the quick laugh!

    PS....my husband is secretly stalking your blog. My bloggy best friend and I are constantly refering to the two of you like we are old friends....ya know JJ says this or Sty said that! Finally, he asked who the hell are these people. I filled him in and have caught him reading a couple of times. He's definetly not flying his unicorn flag yet, but I think one day soon he might!

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  2. Hey JJ, I feel your pain! 52 days is still so fucking far away! We'll be wearing heavy winter coats by then! GGGAAHHH! I want my New Moon, and I want it now! I also don't want to fight the little Twi-tots (Twi-twats?) for the good seats, and I don't want them glaring at my old ass for being as enthralled as they are...Snorf. I am consoling myself with fanfic, re-reading the Twi original, and Midnight Sun, and trying not to think about it.

    Hope your closing goes well. You will own that mo-fo place and can create an appropriate Twi-shrine, if that's your pleasure.

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  3. Yeah - I'd fuck or marry them all! Well...not really into Taycob - so...you know.... *hides under desk until people stop throwing their copy of new moon at me*

    JJ - If I didn`t live 10 hours away I`d be buying you one fucking huge alcohol beverage of your choice - sounds like ya need it. Since I can`t, I hope the general fuckwittery of purchasing a home settles down soon!

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  4. Ok so it will feel like for ever I wont lie , but eventually you will get there and you will be on you own home relaxing and having a great time you will see ...
    Everything else ? like always laughing but head off ...I love the one with the 3some ....good to see that even in trying times you have that sense of humor going ...

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  5. JJ-I hear ya'. I NEEED that movie to come out. I've been fantasizing about it so much I'm starting to get repeats. I'll have to try the whole cast idea tonight--thanks for the new material. :D
    I luv the Luke & Leia Ignorance Poster and the "Bite Me" is saaweeeet. Mmmm. I'd like to bite him, lick him, feel him, damn it I'd even settle for sniffing him.
    @Twi-Me? I'm doing the exact same thing with Midnight Sun and Twilight. Why can't Steph add a few more chapters. I am soooo desperate.

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  6. I totally had to Google "fuck marry kill." Hee! And I thought I was a little bit hip...ah well. I would fuck 'em all...well except Esme...not her. I'd marry her.

    Now I'm curious... In order of preference, I'd fuck:

    Robward, Rob, Edward, Charlie with the stache, Kristen (not "Bella" but Kristen...yes definitely Kristen), Jasper, Carlisle (oh spank me daddy), Alice, Emmett, and then Rosalie.

    52 days and counting every one of them...

    You know what's getting me through the next 52 days?? YOU Jenny Jerkface, and YOU Snarkier Than You. Yes you two awesome ladies of Twitardia!!!

    My W/V - "conth"! Hah! My new code word for c.u.n.t. You're such a conth!

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  7. I sometimes like to play a little game and try to figure out in the first couple of sentences of your post who wrote it... sometimes it's really hard. But tonight, I needed to read only "So, the other day I was sitting on the toilet, idly playing Fuck Marry Kill in my head with the whole Twilight cast..." and I knew immediately it was JJ's handiwork!! LOL!

    I'm hoping I live the next 52 days to see this fucking movie.... some days I feel like my head may pop off from the agonizing wait!! However, remember when there were 100 days until the movie?? We're almost there fellow Twitards... we're almost there!!

    Oh and is it wrong that I want to lick Robward's nipples??

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  8. I get so excited when I come across those posters. I'm easy to please, what can I say.

    And thank you for your well wishes as far as this house bull-fucking-poopy-wtf-crap-GAH!! situation. LOL. If you haven't tried to buy a house yet I suggest you get a RX of Xanax first. Wish someone had given me that advice, lol.

    @Latchkey - As a general rule, if it has to do with pooping or toilet humor, it's me. I suppose there is something Freudian about this but... ah fuck it. ;)

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  9. AWESOME AS ALWAYS! I am with you when the hell is New Moon coming out??? Dammit! And I noticed you have 666 followers...it's so evil..mwahahahahaha!

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  10. Good luck with your closing crap, JJ! Just keep Robward's image in the back of your mind constantly to keep you calm or something...

    BTW, are you and STY going to the midnight showing of NM? I haven't yet bought tickets (shameful, I know) because I'm still trying to figure out if my low-tween-tolerance will be able to handle it.

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  11. I guess I'm not hip - Fuck Marry Kill? Is that a grown-up version of rock paper scissors?? After reading porn all damn weekend I'd pretty much fuck anyone including Mark Hammill - nah, maybe not. I have to admit that last poster took a second to click. Then, ewwww!

    @Latchkey - I do the same game with their posts. They each have their own special identifiable perversion that can be nuanced within 1-2 sentences. It's poetry, really.

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  12. JJ i love you more than an emo kid loves girl pants! all those posters had me cracking up! i kept reading them to my roommate...while he is trying to watch football. bwhahaha they were just too funny not to share. thanks for the laughs, and i hope all goes well with your new house!

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  13. @JJ - I had a huge meltdown with my finance guy when he told me they had to put a new roof on my pending first home, at my expense. I think tears were involved. Then he explained by time they rolled the cost into the mortgage it would add approx. $5 per month to the payment. Oh. The drama sucks but will be sooo worth it when it's your own.

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  14. @Twichotic: [I totally had to Google "fuck marry kill."] Me too :-S

    Its getting *harder and harder* ... eh um... more difficult to watch trailers, home made movies, stills.... Its like that hanging O.o.o.O just waiting to *cum*... I mean come. Damn! I have to stop watching them ... the anticipation is too friggin' frustrating! Plus I'm not gettin' any work done! Sitting here drooling too much... I may have to bring a plastic seatcover to the theater tho!! hahaha

    I sympathize w you JJ on your house.. I just got rid of mine last Friday! Yay! Now I get to look for another albatross!

    Thanks for keep me laughing... at myself!

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  15. Yep...google is your friend. Had NOOOO idea what Fuck, Marry, Kill was....didn't they have a variation of that on Facebook once?

    But I digress...

    My favourite part of the trailer is when Felix lifts Edward in the air and smashes him down on those marble steps just turning them to dust. You read that Edward's body is hard as stone but you really don't "get" it until that moment.

    Oh....and Edward's face when he's down on the ground? Totally Rob's "O" face...without the hand around his throat.

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  16. I am with you JJ--50 whatever days seems like a freaking eternity. I am so freaking anxious I think I have changed my mind and might just go to a midnight showing after all. That means I would be seeing it at least three times opening weekend with the different plans I have arranged. My 16 year old nephew just asked me to take him--how cute is that? I took him to see Twilight last year.

    Um, err I had to Google that Fuck, Mary, Kill shit too. I am so out of it.

    Good luck with all the house stuff--remember way back when I told you that buying a house was the most stressful thing I have ever done...do you agree now? It will be fantastic in the end though I promise.

    Loved the Luke/Princess Leia incest poster--Hee!

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  17. I'm a very bitter home owner who tells everyone that yea you can do whatever you want with it, but, it's probably the biggest pain in your ass you'll ever go through to get it, and then, once it is yours, if anything goes wrong, you're on the hook for fixing it!

    Upside, if you felt like having a RPattz/Twilight homage mural painted on the side, you could (if ML would let you that is...)

    Love the motivational posters, I found a bunch more after you turned me onto them, I may copycat and do a blog on them in the future ;)

    And really really, the depression has set in, I've been so worked up for so long, I'm kind of over it, I'm sure I'll get past the ennui, but, wouldn't be surprised if it hangs on for a bit...

    also yes, would probably fuck everyone in the cast, except butt crack santa, no fucking for butt crack santa ...

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  18. Fingers crossed that my crap will one day be published too. Hooray I'm not a moron since I know what Fuck, Marry, Kill is after all I did watch Hex although it was shag which is pretty much British for fuck. At least I think it is I'd have to check the American to British dictionary.

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  19. Ooo I love the Bite Me poster! I want one to hang above my bed.

    @Twichotic-I love the way the first THREE names on your fuck-me list are all versions of RPattz. Are you trying to increase your odds? Lol

    I'm bored and lonely and antsy waiting for stupid November to come along too. Hey, does anyone else want to just M.E.L.T when RP uses the phrase "sort of" ? That Brittish "suh tuv" that sounds like he's whispering right n your ear, and is usually preceded with an mmmmmmmm. Sorry Banshee-you're really missing out on a sensual experience not being able to hear that English accent through the filter of American ears.

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  20. aahahaha i love twi motivationals
    Im going to spontaneously combust before new moon comes out :(
    a friend and i just started up a new blog, not twilight related but im sure ill throw some stuff in there, its just our general complaints and rambliings, anyway my point is some of my posts and things were inspired by you guys, only a twitard would notice, just a little saying here and there. Although the friend who i blog with wouldnt know, shes not a twilight freak like me haha. I promise i wont link it again like federico ahahhaha i just thought id mention it here :)

    Liveandloose.blogspot.com

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  21. Wooo! I love motivational posters, these are fab! It's always morning for me over here when I see your new blog entries and I do not lie when I say that getting out of bed has been much easier for me since I found Twitarded, I always switch the computer on as the first thing I do then worry about getting the kids to school after.

    Thankfully not been late enough to have to confess to the teacher why it is yet, although looking at her she's about the same age as Taycob, obviously not a Twi fan though, she didn't swoon at my Edbrella in the playground yesterday when it finally rained after about 3 FUCKING WEEKS!!!! Oops, sorry about that, I was getting a bit frustrated with the weather and finally being able to use Edbrella was the most exciting day this side of 20th November - which I agree is a fucking lifetime away still. Bah!

    Good luck with the rest of the move JJ

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  22. Ok, first off, your follower number creeped me out. It's at 666 and somebody get them another follower and get it off that number before I freak the fuck out because I'm Catholic and I'm about to exorcise your site.
    Second, I have just realized that I love Paul (Alex Meraz). I've been eyeing a few photos of him and I don't care if he's married and has a baby. I said I love Paul, not Alex (IRL) So this new admiration has me entertained for the moment since Rob is MIA at the moment. Give me some tacos, a Corona and Paul! Viva La Rasa!

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  23. @Barbara, forgot to say, yes, shag has the same meaning as fuck over here. Although you wouldn't tell anyone to 'shag off' lol, it's acceptable to say that you're 'shagged' when you're exhausted. Advice on colloquialisms over for now ;o)

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  24. Hi!!

    I just want to say that I agree with the "lick his face" comment about Jacob. I am so far from being team jacob...I'm not even in the stands...but for some reason he is playing the "pathetic" role really well, and I bet that once New Moon hits the theaters, there is going to be alot of talk about how well Taylor did. I don't know...I really felt for him. His voice shakes like he's going to cry. Even in the clip from the movie theater, when he tells Bella he "would never hurt her"...his voice has a crack to it...very heart wrenching. THEN>>> the face he makes after Bella mumbles something like "you're bla bla beautiful"...he is just...ahh. Can't put it in words. I'm wondering if there is a possibility he might steal the show.

    ~MaggieMay

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  25. When you did your wah-wah-my-vagina bit, I almost cried because, well, I feel your pain. Dammit, something interesting happen in the Twisphere already. I was on the freakin' Anita Blake Forum for like an hour today, because there was no Twi-nuthin' to entertain me, and to quote Inigo Montoya "I hate wait"

    Also, Threesome, You're Doing It Wrong is pretty much comedy gold, right there.

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  26. Oh, and good luck with closing. Like, in this lifetime and/or before freakin' ECLIPSE comes out.

    Realtors and banks . . .I swear, they are like the Jane and James of the real world.

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  27. Fuck, Marry, Kill, never heard of that before, until I googled it. Fucking awesome - so much better than spin the bottle.

    Anyway, JJ, you crack me up, I mean seriously, perhaps you should consider, you know, publishing your crap too. :p

    Speaking of posters, my fave is the threesome one - fucking hilarious "you're doing it wrong", hahahaha!

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  28. JJ-I thought that FMK must be another of your extrememly creative terms, but after reading the comments, I too googled---ahhh, this is such an educational blog. :D
    @twiwasgoingforakissbutIgotadickinmymouth- Haalarious! I can't believe you kept the new handle! Do you realize how much that is to type though? :D

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  29. The other day, I stood up, walked away from my desk, went downstairs, out into the parking lot, and got into the backseat of my truck. I flipped down the DVD player that has never been used and proceeded to lay down and start watching Twilight (yes, I had a copy in my car. Don't judge me.). When my boss asked a coworker where I was, she simply stated, "In her car in a Twilight-induced coma." They left me alone.

    So I'm wondering how I could put myself in a Twilight-induced coma for the next 51 days and have everyone leave me alone (and still get a paycheck). I'm impatient too...

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  30. @Meg - I SO want to do what you did this instant! I wish my car had a DVD player and I can commence the Twilight induced coma. What a GREAT idea!! =))

    W/V - humplab. Hee hee!

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  31. LMFAO - I am sat at work with tears of laughter rolling down my face - those posters are HY-FUCKING-STERICAL!!!
    - Lorabell :D

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  32. I love your crazy posters haha. fucking whacky! hey i do miss OPattz, any update, huh, STY, Jenny?

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  33. *gasp* laughing...so...hard...can't...breathe...threesome...XD

    @Twiwasgoingforakissbutgotadickinmymouth: Fuck your name is hard to type! Glad you kept it though, it rocks. You Yanks think any accent, even my own fucked up hybrid-Irish-American-where-the-fuck-is-she-from accent is cute. I have two friends with English accents (one has an English mom and one lived there for a while). They don't bother me, but they don't make me wet like you lot. The Scottish accent on the other hand...yum.

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  34. @awcrap - yeah I kept the awesome new handle, but I also gave myself a nickname so people wouldn't have to avoid speaking with me. :) The acronym for Twiwasgoinginfor.......etc.... was just too damn long, so I settled on F Kat. -stands for Formerly Known As Twifixx.
    btw I usually end up uttering your name about dozen times a day. It's appropos for so many things!

    I'm looking for advice from my new besties here. I've never EVER wanted a tatoo. My husband has mentioned it a couple of times throughout the years, but I've always stopped him with "it's nevergonna happen". Um now I'm thinking about it. I may or may not have been inspired by CW/AI, or a few fanfics where Bella gets Edward's name tatooed. Now I'm thinking I might want my husbands name tatooed somewhere only he will ever see it. Pathetic? Anyone feel like sharing any pertinent tatoo info with me? If hijacking this comment board for my personal gain is offensive, you can always email me at twifixx@yahoo.com.

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  35. @Suzpetals - when our guy told us the whole roof had to be replaced I actually laughed. Then I realized he was serious and almmost had a panic attack, lol.

    @VitaminR - yes, you are right, buying a house is the most stressful fucking thing EVER.

    @Meg - You are my hero.

    @MaggieMay - I agree with 100%. I really think that Taycob is an excellent actor and I'm really glad they kept him on.

    @twiwasgoingforakissbutIgotadickinmymouth - I had to copy and paste your name because I am Extraordinarily lazy but I fucking crack up every single time I see it.

    @Robstenation - Our people are currently in negotiations with OPattz's people and we are hoping to get him on the blog again sometime soon... ;)

    Ah, yes, motivational posters. Always a good time. :)

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  36. @Banshee713 - yes, Irish accents are definitely musical to American ears as well! The only thing I can imagine is that we "yanks" must sound awful. :(

    F Kat

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  37. @F-KAT -

    Yay! I love tattoos!! I love talking about tattoos! lol.

    I don't think your idea sounds pathetic at all. As a general rule, they always say never ever to tattoo anyone's name on your body except for your children or the deceased... but there are no hard and fast rules. Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

    Whenever I want a tattoo I print a copy of the picture and put it somewhere where I can see it daily. If I'm not sick of staring after a comfortable months then I figure it's a good idea to get it inked on my body. lol.

    Feel free to email me!

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  38. @Banshee713 - hahaha - "They (English accents) don't bother me but they don't make me wet like you lot. "
    You crack me up!! So true. So true.

    F Kat

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  39. @F-Kat: I agree with JJ. Figure out what you want, print it out and look at it all day, every day for at least a week or so. And if you're not too sure about doing the whole name thing, why not do something symbolic? My fish (that my ex drew) has three bubbles that he told me stand for "I Love You." Vomit, I know, but I really do love it and it's a lot better than having to look at his name everytime I'm shoeless! lol And, instead of putting my godson's name or initials on me, I have Calico Jack Rackham's pirate flag on my wrist (you know, the skull and crossed swords?) because he's my little pirate.

    Just some ideas! :)

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  40. Meg & JJ - good ideas, thanks! For some reason I'm feeling the whole "marking me for him" with his name. I typically think it's stupid to get anyones name inked, but we're coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary next year - I think I'll keep him! :) it feels like a recomittment, like a gesture that shows him I still want him in that stupid young love kind of way.

    So.... Back of my left hip is certainly meaty enough, but will it hurt terribly much? And for how long? I will want it to be a surprise.

    F Kat

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  41. @F-Kat - The hip should be fine. It depends on how big you plan on getting it. I personally enjoy getting tattooed but yes, it does hurt a little. It feels more like an annoying burning sensation. If you're getting a small one it should definitely take maybe 30 minutes, depending on how slow the tattoist works. A good tattooist will ask you if you need him to stop from time to time so don't be afraid to take a break. You'll be fine, promise.

    There is a picture of my latest tattoo (and Edward) if you want a size reference. This one probably took about 45 minutes to an hour but it was detailed and shadowed.
    http://twitarded.blogspot.com/2009/04/edward-gets-twilight-tattoo.html

    I'm excited for you!!

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  42. @F-Kat - I agree with both Meg and JJ. Great advice!! I think it's awesome your considering it. I have a tattoo on my sholder blade and ankle... it smarted to get them, but nothing that wasn't bearable. I guess it all depends on your pain threshold. But really, I think it's definitely worth it!

    If you do get one, PLEASE take a picture of it and share with your Twitarded family!!

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  43. LOL!!! jajajaja you managed to make me spit my coffee again!!! xD
    i'm starting to think it's an hability!
    my fav were the threesome xD and blade!! jajaja and of course the ignorance one jajajaa too muuchh!!!!

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  44. @F-Kat: I am the biggest weenie ever. Ever. I've never gotten a flu shot cause I'm so terrified of needles. I 3 tattoos...if I can sit through it, anyone can sit through. It's really not that bad. And more power to you for getting the name done--it is really hot. When Rob and I get married, you can be sure that I'm tattooing Robward across my ass.

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  45. OMFG - I just found this site and haven't laughed out loud at work so much in my life! This is the best site - glad to see I'm not alone in my 30's and overly obsessed with all things Twilight and RPattz related! I think all of us TwiTards in New England should get together and take over a midnight showing so that all the little twi-twats can stand outside with their clearasil covered faces pressed up against the glass while we "experienced" ladies get our jollies off!

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  46. Thanks guys for all the tattoo advice/encouragement. I'll keep you posted. I'll make a decision by end of November (his birthday ). In "twifixx-timeline" 2 months is super fast track on the decision making process. :)

    @Meg-When I marry Rob I'm having MY name tattooed on HIS ass!! Haha.

    F Kat

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  47. The first I ever heard of "Eff Marry Kill" was on Howard Sterna loooooong time ago - I think he may have started it?? Not positive on that but I know it was the first place I ever heard of it (of course I am also the person who forgot that they knew "just the tip" from The Wedding Crashers - or knew it at one point before i forgot it so that I could remember what size shoes Robert Pattinson wears and why Edward's eyes shouldn't be gold in the Volturi scenes in NM - you know, important shit like that - so that this with a grain of salt).

    And JJ had this post in our drafts page for a few days. It didn't hav a title, so every time I went in to our Blogge Dashboard, I would just see the line "So I was sitting on the toilet..." - I never opened it. Until she told me to... And even then I was a little apprehensive, truth be told. : )

    If we all stick together somehow we will make it through the next 51 days (and help those of you who won't be able to see it until later - although I can't even tell you how sad this makes me!).

    : )

    OK I am off to write something about pooping just to throw Latchkey & suzspetals off...

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  48. My desktop currently holds my all time favorite motivational poster of Captain Kirk, "Captain James T. Kirk, I'm sorry, I can hear you over the sound of how awesome I am." and instead of working I am going to make a custom New Moon countdown calendar. Can't frakkin wait!!!

    And I feel your pain on house stress. My husband and I are trying to put down offers on three houses. The SF bay area has the craziest clusterfluk real estate market. We an barely afford a cardbord box. But at least I have my new Mini Edward to keep me sane (or comfortably insane). Twitarded is cheaper than a therapist!!

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  49. JJ - I love you. Seriously. Anytime you start a post off with "so I was sitting on the toilet..." is a WIN!

    I made the mistake sharing "kill, fuck or marry" with my hubby. Not good - he does not play fair.

    I feel your pain about your house. I was a REALTOR for 6 years and lived through your experience over and over. Not fun! It will get better, I promise!!!

    I was not on the Twi-bandwagon when Twilight came out last year. In fact, this will be my first time seeing Rob on the big screen, in high definition. *shutters in anticipation*

    My hubby gets husband of the year award for many reasons, two of which being going to a NKOTB concert with me this year (ya, that was cruel) and because he has agreed to go see the midnight showing of NM. This is huge cause even my fellow Twicrackaddict BF will not go see it with me the 1st time. I apparently have a reputation of having “happy hands” (I should have been a Seinfeld episode. When I get excited, my hands convulse and clap on their own - I have no control) and for being a squeeler/screamer/OMG!-er.

    So, um, ya, no one other then my hubby will go with me (the 1st time) and hubby is only going for the drunk-twi-call-me-Edward-sex after

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  50. Glad to see I'm not the only one who had to google "Fuck Marry Kill"... I'm surprised it isn't showing up as a top google search today thanks to all the Twitards.

    Yesterday I finally decided to go buy tickets for a midnight NM showing (who was I kidding, it's not like I was ever going to be able to resist), but the theater I went to has already sold out all of their screenings! What the hell?! That, of course, put me into Twilight survival mode so I bought tickets for another theater plus a matinee on Friday. Damn Twi-twats!!

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  51. OME there's been lots of comments since I checked last night! :) (I'm in PST so it's only quarter to 12 here)

    @F-Kat - I'm about 40% tattooed, some things to think about, check cleanliness standards, do they have a separate table for all instruments, do they open them from individual packages, do they wear gloves, have they touched anything since they put the gloves on that isn't on the clean table, do they autoclave or open new needles every time, autoclave is sanitary, but, if they're not new, the lines won't be as crisp, have they been trained to hand assemble needles? even if they buy out,if they've never been trained to hand assemble, they may not know how to fix a needle that's been damaged in transit.

    Look at their portfolio, make sure they've been working for a couple of years and that you like their style. Bring in your own reference material, be clear about what you want, make sure they let you review the design before they get started and make sure that you discuss anything you're not absolutely in love with.

    Back of left hip isn't too bad, it'll hurt, but it's very very bearable.

    As far as names, if that's for you and what you really really want, go for it, but, there's lot of other options too, lots of symbols that stand for loyalty, fidelity, longevity and the like.

    I took in a water color of a pair of red crested cranes doing their mating dance and had that put on the front of my left shoulder, red crested cranes mate for life.

    Again, like @JJ and others have said, look at your idea for a while, maybe draw it on with sharpie a couple of days in a row, make sure you really like it, because it's forever, (or at least until you cough up WAY more than you paid and endure WAY more pain to get it lasered off ...)

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  52. Let's all play "I Can Name That Blogger in One Bodily Function – or Expletive"

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  53. @twinatic - thanks for all the info! My daughter is bringing me with her to "observe" while she gets a consult on her second one. Baby steps. Heh heh.

    F Kat

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  54. Fuck Marry Kill sounds like the three stages of a marriage. Luckily after 17 years I haven't hit stage 3 yet, but there's still time. Loved the posters, especially Threesome. Since we're all pretenders here, I'm pretending Taycob is legal, okay? Why be team "whatever" when you can have both? lol

    @JJ - the best thing about owning a house is that you can put a nail hole or even color on the walls with Sharpies, and there' no landlord that says you can't! You will always remember the first meal you cook, and which pot you used to cook it in. Just try not to burn down the new crib, and install working smoke detectors right away. Cheers!

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  55. @Z Any Mouse - Fuck, Marry, Kill... the 3 stages of marriage... holy fuck, I am dying laughing right now!! I think my stages were Fuck, Kill, Marry, Kill, Kill, Kill!!

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  56. @Z Any Mouse @LKW--I think it went like this for me Fuck, Mary, Kill, Kill, Kill (enter Twifanfic), Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Kill, Fuck, Fuck.....

    V/W 'densinge' Is this what I would get if I entered RPattz "Den of Sin"? I think so.

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  57. Oh how I needed that laugh today! Thank you girls!

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  58. Ep-ic motivational posters! Threesome: you're doing it wrong was absolutely hilarious! Print these poster size and add them to your online shop, please.

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  59. @Z Any Mouse, my 3 stages of marriage so far are Fuck, Marry, Twilight....erm, what marriage?

    Also, love the Taycob theory, the more buff he becomes the less I need to notice his baby face anyway, Team Threesome all the way (although not at the same time, you'd never get used to the constant temp changes on your skin)

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  60. @Stan - I can so relate to your 3 stages of marriage. So many of my friends are hitting the "Rocky 15-20's" in married life and are wondering how to get through it. I tell them "That's what blogs are for! Go check out Twitarded, for some great laughs!"

    @Latchkey Wife and VitaminR - you guys are so funny. Love you!

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  61. I finally did it! I got a mini-Edward! Yay!!! I love you, geekazoids at Forbidden Planet. Erm, I guess I should, since I'm one of you...
    My mission: make a complete arse of myself to get ridiculous pictures of him all over Dublin. Yay lack of dignity!

    @Twiwasgoinginforthekisswhenigotadickinmymouth: If I ever got someone's name tattooed on me, I'd get it done in hieroglyphs or ogham. That way, if it ends, I can just tell people it means 'I love cake' or something.
    And not all American accents sound awful to us, just the really nasal ones (like my Gran's).

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  62. F Kat (Aw Hell. "blogger" got tired of posting my long name. Gotta try to re-sign in. )September 29, 2009 at 9:08 PM

    @Banshee713 - can't wait to see pix of mini-Edward all over Dublin! As far as the name tattoo goes, I was thinking if my husband ever cheated on me or went on a killing spree or something, I could always add the word "sucks" at the bottom. Lol. I considered just using initials, but I really want to go all in, you know? - not just the tip! Oh, and I was thinking I'd add two clovers-one for each of our daughters and a nod to my Irish heritage. 4 leaf clovers are lucky, but I think three leaf clovers are prettier. Any symbolism in Irish lore I should know about pertaining to the clover? I'd hate to inadvertantly pick the bad luck stink eye version that is reserved for putting hexes on all who lay eyes upon it. Thanks for your input. This blog has been extremely self-serving to me today. (sorry)

    F Kat

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  63. First of all, the fact that you seem to have adopted the game Fuck Marry Kill into the three stages-ish of marriage makes me cry because you are all geniuses.

    I think the first time I ever played FMK was with ML's band and my choices were Kris Kristofferson [the early years], Neil Young and... someone I totally forget so I either killed him or fucked him.

    And F-Kat - If I snort wine out of my nose over your name changes one more time I'm going to kick your ass. Lovingly, natch. ;)

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  64. @F Kat: Nope, the three-leafed shamrock is just a general symbol for Ireland, good luck and St Patrick. Clover is a different plant entirely, even though it looks almost the same. Shamrocks are paler, or smaller, or something. I can't remember. I think two little shamrocks would be really cute. And good for you for taking the plunge. I'm too much of a wimp to get a name done. Knowing my luck it would go tits-up as soon as the tat was done :/

    Hehe, 'insert-name-here sucks.' That's just genius.

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  65. So I'm a little late with the FMK (got distracted). My marriage is just shy of 20 years. I thought we would literally kill each other during the first two, but we did manage to have two babies during that time, so mine went something like this: marry, fuck, kill, fuck, kill, kill, zzzzzzz(twifanfic) fuck fuck fuck. Yeah that's about right.

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  66. Kori/ Team Switzer-JacobSeptember 29, 2009 at 9:35 PM

    That was hilarious! XD! Loved the posters. =p The threesome one was my favorite, probably because I've been talking about foursomes lately. ;o The Blade one had me rotfl and the Bite Me one had me drooling. <3 *sigh* Funny about that "your crap can sell, too" one, lol. I want to see the fault people find in SM's books, but I'm far too Twilight biased to be objective. Oh well. XD! I didn't get the Ignorance poster. Who are those people? =@

    But on another note, I FREAKING KNOW! Isn't this wait just THE LONGEST?! ;.; Just gotta keep holding on. =/ SERIOUSLY hope this movie doesn't disappoint me. I mean, besides the way I already know it will (i.e., Kristen's lack of acting talent >.>). But besides that, I'm pretty hopeful. But everytime I watch this trailer, I get pissed at the same point. I've come to anticipate it now. Everytime Kristen says, "I have to go" to "Jacob," (I have to say Kristen. I can't insult the character's pain by putting her in with this complete lack of emotion.) I seriously want to pull my hair out. Keep rewinding it hoping it will get better, hoping it wasn't QUITE as bad as I remember it. And then, it always seems worse. XD! Where's the freaking emotion in her voice? Her face? Anywhere in her little body? At least ACT like you're a broken, empty doll, about to run off risking life and limb to go save the reason for your existence. Gosh. ;.; I'm actually skimming through New Moon currently. Not because I'm re-reading it for the movie premier, but just because it's a habit to re-read random sections of books I like. I'm just at the part where Alice tells Bella Edward went to Italy. <3 Now why can't Kristen put that kind of feeling into her words? =/ *sigh* November 20th, come sooner. ;.;

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  67. @F-Kat - "marry, fuck, kill, fuck, kill, kill, zzzzzzz(twifanfic) fuck fuck fuck." Brilliant!!!

    So is the "zzzzzzzz" the sound of the bullet/pocket rocket one uses when perhaps reading wonderful twifanfic?? ;)

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  68. @Twichotic - oh you slay me! Lol.
    Zzzzzzz=pocket rocket????? Haha, now you're embarrassing me. Actually I just meant that to represent a "lull". You know, kind of uneventfully snoozing along on cruise control. But let's go with your definition. That's hilarious.

    F Kat

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  69. @F-Kat - Hee, hee. I knew whatcha meant... I just thought I'd change it up a bit. =}

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  70. @twichotic-haha you got me! I was all flustered cuz your definition hadn't even occurred to me. ;D

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  71. Thanks all for the great tat advice. I too am planning to get my first one for my 40th birthday which will be in Nov. of 2010. I love the idea of posting it somewhere where you will see it every day for a long while. Great, great advice--thanks! I would love to know everyone's favorite tat spot. I am thinking upper shoulder so I can hide it with a t-shirt--I want to be able to see it though. JJ I think we need a tat post with photos of all your tats and your fantabulous advice.

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  72. @JJ--oh and I would probably marry Neil Young too. I walked down the aisle at my wedding to a Neil Young song...I heart him.

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  73. @Vitamin R - Maybe. If I get drunk enough. Most of them are rather boring to everyone but me but I do have one interesting one (well, a very interesting story, rather but that's all mine). It's a very classic Sailor style sparrow, red & black, with a clutch of blue forget-me-nots. Oh, and it's dead. Eyes are crossed out.

    Oh and I think I opted to fuck Kris Kristofferson (or however you spell his name). Maybe I was drunk?

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  74. @Banshee713 "Knowing my luck it would go tits-up as soon as the tat was done :/" - A situation that deserves its own term perhaps - 'tats-up'??

    I have also been inspired to invest in a pocket Edward this past week, however, part of me can't bring myself to open the packaging because the thought of taking him along to the Antiques Roadshow in 50yrs time and appear on the TV with my pristine Twilight merch and one of my Edward plasters on my cheek Nelly-style in a public show of my devotion has been too great. I have been weakening though and think today could be the day to open him up, I keep walking past the kids toys and getting far too excite when I see things that would 'fit' him, the latest being the guitar from Buckaroo. Hmm, might have to do a photoshoot for my blog, another productive day ahead...

    Do you live in Dublin itself? We love Ireland, been a few times now :o) xx

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  75. @stan: No I live just to the north of the city, about a forty minute drive. Glad you like it here! I haven't been to England in years. London's a cool city.
    I had a fierce internal battle about whether or not to open my mini-E, but I ended up saying fuck it and just ripped him outta there. I may invest in a second one to take to the Antiques Roadshow along with all my other nerdy collectibles though! ;)

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  76. @Banshee713, just realised I've just posted about PE on the post above comments because I have no brain! Got him out and wasted the morning taking pics lol, kept me entertained though.
    I keep thinking I'd like to visit London again, not been for years. We live up in Lancashire (I'm not a native though!) where the men's accents are far from sexy. I love Rob's voice because it's Rob's obviously, I don't see the attraction of the Brit accent either otherwise :o).

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  77. @stan: Yeah, the Lancashire accent is far from hot. I don't see the attraction in Irish accents either. Especially where I live - it's either a thick culchie farmer accent or a flat icky townie accent. Neither is sexy. At all. Glad you're having fun with Mini-E! Now I have to go find my stupid camera...

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