Thursday, September 24, 2009

I Want Robert Pattinson to Host SNL!!! Um, I Think...

Lorne says "meh," I say "Mmmmmmm"

There's been talk forever in the Twidom about the possibility of Robert Pattinson hosting Saturday Night Live. Petitions have been circulated (granted only 5,000 people signed it over the last year, but still), people have begged, and yet Lorne Michaels has yet to relent. Last year, I think it was just too late by the time it became abundantly clear what a hot commodity Robward had become to do anything about it. Fair enough. THIS year, however, it's not too late and I really really REALLY want it to happen. I think. Maybe.

Let me explain my trepidation...

There is potential for Robert Pattinson hosting SNL to be an amazingly good thing. There are people who I have been iffy on/disliked for no real reason who I came to love after seeing them on SNL. Justin Timberlake, I'm lookin' at you. I thought you were a total twat until the first time I saw you hosting SNL. Can you blame me? I'd caught snippets of you & Brit-Brit on whatever that train-wreck of a "reality" show you two did back in the day [belated note from STY - I stand corrected - it wasn't JT - I guess I blocked it out too well - thanks Abigail for the correction!] - it was so bad I've blocked it from my memory. But then you hosted SNL... And danced around on their holiday special in a huge Cup-O-Soup costume. And then... there was "Dick in a Box." Even before he took on "Single Ladies" [which just isn't available and I probably infected my computer with who knows what looking for it as I was inadvertently led to Russian gay-porn sites], there was Dick in a Box. I am CERTAIN that you've all seen this, but I can't help myself from reposting it here. I am certain that a number of aghast and/or lucky ladies have had their S/Os mimic this "gift" [ahem] in the years since. For better or for worse...



And here's the original won-me-over piece, "Cup O Soup" - and frankly, when a dude puts on white tights, Bozo-sized shoes, and a Cup-O-Soup costume and WORKS IT, well, what's not to love?



I'm also posting these videos for JJ, who has seriously had her head shoved up her own ass for the last...30 years. [even more so than since she discovered Twilight] because who. the. fuck. doesn't. watch. SNL??? Ever. My bloggy partner. That's who. Good think she's so cute.

Moving on...

Peyton Manning also won me over on SNL, big-time - I don't even know what team he plays for and I don't care, so don't go getting all crazy on me with your sports allegiances, OK? He's fucking funny and not afraid to push the envelope. The audio is iffy on this vid, but you can appreciate it anyway -



There is all sorts of potential for amazing sketches with RPatts. And we know that he can do funny. "How To Be" was pretty entertaining, and I didn't have the highest of expectations (sorry).

Robward can be funny. Mini-Edward can also be funny! [Thanks BarnesPEdward!]

Honestly, if RPatts spent 90 minutes on the stage of SNL and just stared directly into the camera making smoldering kissy faces, I would be ok with it. More than ok. Best. SNL. Ever. But since that's probably not going to happen, here are some things I'd like to see:

Robert Pattinson in "The Cougar Den" - [preferably with me in his lap, ahem] for obvious reasons [ahem]. It would appear that SNL (or their lawyers) are real bitches about having their clips posted on YouTube, so instead of a swell clip from their SNL's "Cougar Den," I present you with some chicks on YouTube who CALL themselves "The Cougar's Den" (ladies, we ARE your people here at Twitarded!!!) as they watch the NM trailer at the VMAs. LOVE that someone off-camera is manning the remote. And that they hold hands and are glued to the screen! Watching them watching the trailer for the first time totally gave me the chills all over again. In a good way!



Honestly, I am also totally down with there being a skit that rakes Twilight over the coals. Go for it - taunt The Precious. Poke it with a stick. 'Cause it'll be fucking funny and I can take a joke. I hope they have him running through the streets in his black Nikes, plaid shirt streaming out behind him, with a hoard of hormone-addled girls and their moms chasing after him. It should be like the running of the bulls, only with RPatts being chased... Um, or something like that...

Anyway, I say BRING IT! Let's do it [heh-heh]!

P.S. Letters to Rob's "Really!?! Robert Pattinson w/ UC & Moon" post expressed a similar level of..."I want this but only if it doesn't give people more ammunition to make fun of my Twilight obsession"-ness (and btw I don't know who does their graphics but I would love to hold them hostage avail myself of their services sometime because I am SO inept in that department...

44 comments:

  1. "bring it on down to omletville"

    ok ill be honest and say i haven't read the whole post. I got to JT and this came in my head.

    will be back to post reply after I fully read and let the twitardidness marinate.

    sincerely,
    cp

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  2. I think RPattz has perfect comedic timing for SNL, granted if he could manage to keep his cool and perhaps a controlled audience. The jokes for the skits would be ENDLESS. I keep dreaming about this day. Not to mention ratings for the show would skyrocket so high leaving Tina Fey as Sarah Palin days wondering what hit her.
    Honestly I don't know what they're waiting for. Lorne Michaels, I hope you're reading this.

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  3. @ Christina- it was "homelessville" ;-)
    As a LONG time JT fan, I love it when he hosts. The Cup-o-soup was then followed by a giant breast implant suit in the same fashion- you should find that one too!

    And STY- he did NOT make that douche reality show with Britney, that was her ass-jack of a ex-husband KFed.

    And the "Single Ladies" skit was so hilariously uncomfortable.

    Anywayyyyyy, Yes YES YES, I have been not-so-patiently waiting for RPattz to host........

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  4. D'Oh!!! wow - my bad!! sorry - you are right, of course! I guess I just thought back to that fucked-up matching-denim-suit thing that they had going on at the Sundance Festival years and years ago and got all confused! Er, it's late & Mr. Snarky made an awesome dinner and I just sat here drinking wine and making shit up, apparently - lol! Please accept my apologies! And I will sleep better now... (I TOLD you I blocked it out - apparently TOO well - lol!)

    Off to make corrections - thx!

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  5. You know he'd get drunk for SNL. That would be AWESOME! I'll watch show or movie he's in. I suffered through Little Ashes for Christ's sake!

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  7. First off, I am so with you STY. After JT did "Dick in the Box" and pretty much anything he has done on SNL I have gained a whole new respect for him. He is freaking hilarious! I don't particularly dig his music but I now have this odd respect for him as an entertainer and most definitely as a person--anyone that can make fun of themselves ranks high with me.

    UC & Moon's "Really?" take was hilarious. I love that us adult Twitards can totally make fun of all this and poke fun because in so many ways our obsession is so absurd, I mean really? Which leads us into Rob on SNL......

    Admittedly, I both squeeee and cringe at the idea. I signed one of the petitions at some point because ultimately, duhoy, I want it to happen. I am such an addict I will take any screen time of Rob as Rob. Honestly it scares the bejeesus out of me because I would want it to be so freaking awesome and Rob to nail it so perfectly that even Mr. VitaminR would gain respect for the man....kind of like my thing with JT. Those are some high expectations and as much as I fucking love Rob (and want to do things to him that make even me blush)I don't feel confident in my expectations. I guess mostly I don't want my fantasy bubble burst and have it be a total FAIL both for his sake and mine (selfishly of course). I know, I know what kind of fan am I? Unfortunately I am a 38 year old fan that is way too old to care this much about a celebrity and I have way too much mom worry in me. Do I want it to happen? Hell yes! But I will be sweating and nervous the whole time. If Rob rocks (and honestly I do think he is capable) than you can all laugh at me and tell me you told me so....but shit it makes me nervous as hell.

    To end this freakin' novel that I am writing I just have to say that I loved when the lady on the Cougar's Den screeched "Oh Billy" when Billy Burke/Charlie Swan was in the trailer--oh that was awesome! Love Billy's Charlie and I so hope he has some great one liners in the next movies.

    V/W 'Bisessed'-ha! ha!

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  8. I would so love to see Rob on SNL. The possibilities are endless and I'm sure he'd have no problem making fun of himself. I don't have anything witty to say about it. I'd just like to see it.

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  9. I actually had to take notes whilst reading this post b/c there were SO MANY awesome points!

    @STY and VitaminR - right there with you regarding Justin Timberlake. Huge props to him for Dick in a Box. He has such a great sense of humor and I love it. Just like Rob - GREAT sense of humor in an adorkable kind of way.

    @STY - Peyton who? Must watch video after I post my comment. And can I be in the Cougar Den with you licking, I mean rubbing Rob's um...er... toes?

    And favorite phrase for today -- "Taunting the Precious."

    Once again, Twitarded hits the nail on the head!! (I think of Robward and somehow that phrase became sexual... interesting....).

    (Side note...had lunch with an aquaintance of mine the other day ... I found out she LOVES Twilight and Roward so I thought "hey, I need to get to know her better." Turns out we spent most of the entire lunch squeeeing over Twilight AND... get this...her favorite blog is Twitarded (along with TwiCrack Addict)!!! My two favs too!!!). =)))

    PPS - my verification word is "paliz" like Pah-leeeeeze.... Robert Pattinson is WAY hotter than Brad Pit. Heee!

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  10. I think if Rob were to ever host SNL, I'd have to do my own digital short about "Jizz in My Pants"!!!

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  11. Seriously, STY, sometimes I think you have a little Edward in you and can hear my thoughts.

    I, too, developed a whole new appreciation for Justin Timberlake after his SNL skits, and the Peyton Manning appearance where he spoofed UW and danced in the locker room is one of my favorites. I still have the original recording of it saved and watch it from time to time.

    Rob on SNL . . . Adorkable Rob, Rome Rob, Dirty Rob, Drunk Rob, Rob with his new Stoli shirt and sexpenders on . . . it wouldn't matter which Rob showed up. We would love, and defend if necessary, all of them.

    And while we're dreaming about the possibility of Rob on SNL, let's dream BIG. Could you imagine if he were also the musical guest?!

    Of course, if that were to happen, I would need to get my funeral arrangements in order before the show aired. My heart would not be able to withstand that many Robgasms in one night. I wonder how that would read in the obituaries :)

    Lisa

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  12. I agree.... the possibilities are endless for Rob on SNL. Especially with how self-deprecating he can be sometimes. I vote YES!! But I do agree with VitaminR, I would be so nervous for him to be awesome and if he sucked, I don't know that I could handle it!!

    I won't go too far with my hatred for Peyton Manning, but I have to admit, that was one of the funniest fucking skits I've ever seen!! [Just to get my allegiance to Tom Brady out there, he did a sexual harrassment skit on SNL in his underwear that ranks right up there with Peyton's!! OK, enough said.]

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  13. Latchkey Wife, I'm not sure how I missed the Tom Brady skit you mentioned. I will have to look for it online this weekend.

    Last year, I drafted Tom Brady as my quarterback for the ESPN fantasy football league I'm in. I'm sure you know how well that went for me! I drafted him again this year, and he's making me nervous with the way he's playing so tentative. I need him to put up good numbers :)

    Lisa

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  14. @sprtzmom I think once Tom Brady finds his balls this season, he'll be ok... right now, he looks like a giant PUSSY!! It's very frustrating since I'm a huge Pats fan!

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  15. It occurs to me that at some point while writing this last night, I saw something shiny (Justin Timberlake, other videos, pictures of RPatts - could have been SO many things) and never really got around to making my point.

    Soooo... Better late than never, right???

    I think there is great potential for him as a host. I also thing that if he's just not that funny/self-deprecating/absolutely-freaking-awesome, I will be massively disappointed. Oh sure, I will console myself with countless videos and remind myself that I wasn't necessarily blown away by his acting chops in Twilight [i am sorry but yes I totally mocked his accent in several spots in the movie - just ask JJ because I couldn't help myself from leaning over each and every time we saw it in the theater and saying something snortle-worthy every time he said "My family...we are not like others of our kind..." - it was like he got his "American" accent by watching a mash-up of Christopher Walken, The Godfather, and The Sopranos] - so i would get over it if he wasn't spectacular on SNL. Eventually. Oh fuck it he could read the phone book and I'd still be enthralled. Who do I really think I am kidding here???

    : )

    Yay Friday!!!

    Don't forget to say "Hi!" to us on Twitter today!! It's Follow Friday!!! I STILL have no clue what that really means or what the point is but fuck it I am off to tweet my little heart our anyway. When in Rome...

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  16. @Sprtzmom - You said "Seriously, STY, sometimes I think you have a little Edward in you..." SHE WISHES! *snicker*

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  17. I have to admit I haven't watched much of SNL since back in the Chevy Chase/John Belushi days (oops, showing my age). Sometimes the guest hosts are soooooo awkward it's painful to watch, and I wouldn't want to see Rob that way.

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  18. I bore witness to the Cougar Den lady's cardinal sin against the Commandment of Rob: Thou shalt never turneth thy eyes away from the eye-candy glory of Rob

    --even for a split secondeth to confirmeth with thy off-springesth's girlfriendesth that thou both art popping thy New Moon cherry-eth togetherest.

    Oh, the shame, the horror.

    (That's right. I did it. I casteth my first stone.)

    PS--I love embarrassed Rob. I'm okay with viewing Rob anywhere at anytime in any medium. (View Teenmix French Rob video.) I laugh at and adore him the same way he laughed at Kristen when she dropped her popcorn award. (Oh, crap. Does that make me a Robsten? Forgive me for I have sinned.)

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  20. While I would love the chance to oogle the precious in any way possible, I think Rob would be too nervous for SNL.
    A closed appearance within a small group of people I think Rob would be hysterical.
    Then again, the majority of female fans would be happy to watch him inhale and exhale for 20 minutes.

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  21. @TwiWeasal - That's hilarious! Good catch.

    @Latchkey Wife - Maybe Tom needs to concentrate more on planting his foot than planting his seed ;)

    @Snarkier Than You - You're right. You aren't kidding anyone! And the part that makes me laugh the most is when he says "Hello" to Bella in Biology class. He sounds like Andy Kaufman as Latka.

    Lisa

    P.S.: My Word Verification is menusem. Need I say more?

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  22. It's true. When we saw the movie in the theater STY would lean over and make all these comments and I would totally lose it. I think at one point I had stuffed my scarf in my mouth to keep from laughing at loud. I thought we were going to kicked out (or lynched) for sure.

    I think I've only seen SNL a handful of times but I would definitely watch it if Rob Pattinson was on. He wouldn't even have to say anything. He could just stand there and I'd be happy.

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  23. OMG, thank you for turning me on to The Adventures of Mini-Edward!

    I think I cackled for 10 minutes over the "head-in-freezer" shot (having just watched How To Be on some grainy, illegal, online site) and then checked out all his other escapades with Lauren. Hysterical.

    I am so getting the action figure, even if it means going into a Hot Topic!

    Rob on SNL? Yes, yes, yes and hell yes! The skit possibilities are endless. A film short with Mini-Edward and Rob! Rob as MUSICAL GUEST! Jimmy Fallon coming back to be bothered WITH ROB! Papparrazi bothering him and Kristen!

    Where's that paper bag - I'm hyperventilating...

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  24. I knew Peyton was funny but I just laughed so hard at that clip I'm crying! I might have to watch more often. I lost interest when they started making movies out of every stupidass skit. Now I only catch it periodically if someone interesting is on.

    The good thing is that although 'live', the show is so scripted that Rob can't step on his dick too badly (and if he did I would volunteer to kiss it and make it better, of course!) And yes, if he was also the musical guest I would shit my pants.

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  25. @Jenny Jerkface - Welcome back! Hope you're feeling better.

    @Rob's Bitch said... - (Just typing that makes me smile!) Jimmy Fallon being bothered, with Rob, perfect!

    Lisa

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  26. i would have put money on JJ being a SNL watcher. damn girl! all i can say is More Cowbell!

    I love the idea of Rob on SNL..but bet he ain't ready for dat! yep - 90 minutes of Live TV...infront of Millions - I'd say he would decline. a self-described Paranoid guy - he'd need kstew behind stage lighting a big stogey for him all night long...but he could do one of their commercials or an snl short. that would be a good start.

    And Please we wouldn't hear a fucking word. all the screaming mimis they let in would be hyperventilating beatles style..and that shit would not fly.

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  27. Actually, I've never seen SNL. Heard of it, of course, but never watched it. Is it that funny? =@

    And all of those videos were disabled for me. =@

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  28. I broke my "don't read this blog at work because you look like you have epilepsy when you read it" rule - but alas, i needed a pick me up and the Cup 'o Soup did it for me. I had been introduced to Dick in a Box, but not the soup one - fantastic.

    And being formerly from Indiana (Peyton plays for the Indianapolis Colts) - I about peed my pants for that skit.

    Thanks for helping me get through the day... as usual.

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  29. Dude I'm so on the SNL & RPattz train!
    I actually think he would do really well.
    Just stand there for 90 mins, and be your self -deprecating self and I'm good. Gold I say.

    Even Efron was funny when he did SNL.

    I know Peter Facanilli is not the 'big name' of Twilight, but that dude has a wicked sense of humor. He would be great on SNL.

    Ok I'v said dude one to many times in this post!
    Moving on, and Happy Friday to you!

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  30. @suzpetals...

    Rob can step on his dick? In that case, there's enough there that we can both can kiss it together. That didn't come out right...

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  31. Yes, he stepped on it a little bit accepting his MTV award... and if IT comes out there's nothing wrong about it.

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  32. @VitaminR79 - what you said. totally ditto. i NEED him to nail it [heh-heh] if he hosts. or to not host. um, can we get a preview?? There haven't been that many epic fail hosts, but there have been soem that just weren't that funny or as brilliant as I expected them to be (Jack Black, I am looking at you).

    @sprtzmom1721 - YES!!! Latka - I said that, too!!! TOTALLY!!! I told JJ and she looked at me and said "who???" - sometimes our age difference (and the fact that i watched a LOT of tv as a kid and she didn't) makes me sad. {{{sniff}}} : )

    @Track 10 - agreed - PFach would make a great host. Would love to see him there. Or making a guest appearance!!!

    @NeedsIntervention- I have to agree with you because I noticed that, too [and i was like "how dare they?!] - I also question their commitment to Sparkle Motion Robward...

    @Anon - they've had some horrendous years, but some really great ones recently. We'll see how this year goes {fingers crossed!].

    @TwiWeasel "@Sprtzmom - You said "Seriously, STY, sometimes I think you have a little Edward in you..." SHE WISHES! *snicker* - BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! cracking up... (and yes, I do...)

    @Lauren - thx for rule breaking! i don't follow sports AT ALL but Peyton Manning is funny. And Latchkey Wife, yes, Tom Brady was funny, too. I don't know if Peyton is married but I DO know that Tom Brady has the hotter wife, no matter what (football I no follow; models maybe I know a tad about. ok, embarrassed now...).

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  33. @STY--you just made me 9 years younger--thanks! Hee! Hugs and kisses from TitaminR.

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  34. dude, how could you bring up the JT/SNL juggernaut and NOT mention the motherlover video? i played that shit like 7 times straight and sent it to my mom the day it came out. could not. stop. laughing.

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  35. Hello my crazy Twi-friends. I too would love to see RP on SNL, and I too would be worried silly about whether he would be able to do live TV without freaking out, and maybe not looking so good. However, there is definitely medication for short-term anxiety, nerves, etc. (propranolol a -non-narcotic beta blocker - I swear by this when I have to give public speeches). No word-slurring, just no hammering heart and shaky voice. Surely he has access to someone smart enough to know these kinds of little tricks?

    At any rate, this is how/why I think his thing with KStew has been a good thing for him (I've thought about this a lot, can't you tell?). Has anyone noticed that he doesn't seem as spastic and odd (and I mean that in the nicest possible way!) when she is around? I think she is a pro and has explained to him why you need to be pro to your public. Maybe they should CO-HOST??! Or better yet, let KStew host, and RPattz can be the musical guest!! Perfect!

    @Lauren - totally there with the work thing. Since I've found Twitarded I don't think I could get through a day without a peek or two. I'm reading about 'cockblocking' today (HA HA HA!) and my husband says, "gee, maybe you shouldn't do that at work.." NAH! There is no going back. I hope you all will write letters in support of my Twi-fixation when I need them...

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  36. Well shit on a swizzle stick ladies....that's me and mah girl Lainey in that vid! I had no earthly idea that my little Cougar's den rantings had a broader audience than my ladies over at freedomfanficwriters.com

    But hey...I'm cool with it. You REALLY should go to my Youtube channel and check out my latest Billy Burke tribute episode. I wear a pornstache, drink a Vitamin R and basically praise the savior of the Twilight movie - my man Billy.

    Thanks for the "exposure" ladies...a Cougar always loves a few more voyeurs.

    TwiMom5404

    a.k.a. Mama Cougar

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  37. YOu should check out the rest of The Cougar's Den Episodes...


    http://www.freedomfanfictionwriters.com/group/fffwpresentsthecougarsden

    They are super fun and entertaining!

    The website is a bunch of Twifans, who enjoy twilight so much we keep it alive through writing our own stories based on twilight, either coninuations or back stories, or spinoffs... there are some all human stories too... All in all, It is a lot of fun and it is for Mature audiences only!

    so grab a drink of your choice, sit down and read laugh and enjoy... you will probably need a change of panties too!

    MrsB

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  38. Well well well. People are actually starting to clue into some of the effing awesome members of a great site called Freedom Fan Fiction Writers huh? That woman in that clip is Mary, and she hosts a Cougar's Den episode every week. She has shared some great things with us including her mini Cullen family car collection. Not to mention all of the merchandise she has saved many of us from wasting our money on. So if you want to have more of Mary [Mama Cougar] and her Cougar's Den, head on over to www.freedomfanfictionwriters.com :D

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  39. @Mary & The Cougar Den gals - Yay - you found us!!!

    BTW I already wrote up a lil' sumpthin' about the Billy Burke vid - loves it! - so stay tuned until tomorrow! You crack me up and I was so psyched when I found you on YouTube...

    : )

    The rest of you - NO SPOILERS! - lol! you have to watch here tomorrow, k?? I HATE when there are spoilers - hehe...

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  40. Yay! Welcome Mama Cougar!!! I can't wait for STY's post tomorrow....hee! hee!

    V/W 'swetti'

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  41. MAMA COUGAR! You crack me up woman! Love your ass on FREEDOMFANFICTIONWRITERS.COM and love you here too! But don't stay, because we love you too much at FFFW!

    Excellent article guys!
    xoxoxoxoxox
    FL95

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  42. I actually had to take notes whilst reading this post b/c there were SO MANY awesome points!

    @STY and VitaminR - right there with you regarding Justin Timberlake. Huge props to him for Dick in a Box. He has such a great sense of humor and I love it. Just like Rob - GREAT sense of humor in an adorkable kind of way.

    @STY - Peyton who? Must watch video after I post my comment. And can I be in the Cougar Den with you licking, I mean rubbing Rob's um...er... toes?

    And favorite phrase for today -- "Taunting the Precious."

    Once again, Twitarded hits the nail on the head!! (I think of Robward and somehow that phrase became sexual... interesting....).

    (Side note...had lunch with an aquaintance of mine the other day ... I found out she LOVES Twilight and Roward so I thought "hey, I need to get to know her better." Turns out we spent most of the entire lunch squeeeing over Twilight AND... get this...her favorite blog is Twitarded (along with TwiCrack Addict)!!! My two favs too!!!). =)))

    PPS - my verification word is "paliz" like Pah-leeeeeze.... Robert Pattinson is WAY hotter than Brad Pit. Heee!

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  43. I have to admit I haven't watched much of SNL since back in the Chevy Chase/John Belushi days (oops, showing my age). Sometimes the guest hosts are soooooo awkward it's painful to watch, and I wouldn't want to see Rob that way.

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  44. I would so love to see Rob on SNL. The possibilities are endless and I'm sure he'd have no problem making fun of himself. I don't have anything witty to say about it. I'd just like to see it.

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