If you're reading this blog then you undoubtedly have November 20, 2009 permanently etched into the gray matter of your brain. If you don't, then I am completely baffled as to why you're here (but feel free to enlighten me). For those of you who are too busy drooling over pictures of RPattz or reading fan fiction, I'll happily remind you that's only seventy eight days away, give or take a few hours.
And I have to admit - I'm not sure we'll be able to prepare for the premiere in such a short period of time. Now, you might be asking who in their right mind needs 78 days to prepare for a fucking movie premiere?
Well, no one, actually. But who the hell said we are in our right minds?
Snarkier Than You and I have already been weighing the pros and cons of which movie theater to go to for the Big Night. Now, this might seem a little silly, but realistically this could make or break the whole experience and we are lucky enough to actually have options.
Loews seems the obvious choice, since the stadium seating is a way more comfortable then our other option, which is Regal Cinemas. Being that we are, well, older, the idea of sitting in an uncomfortable chair squeeing quietly at a film for two hours doesn't seem all that fun. Loews one, Regal zero.
On the other hand, Loews is HUGE. There are about two million screens or something like that in the theater (incidentally, there is also a gravestone in the parking lot - that's your random useless factoid for the day!). I can only imagine just how many tweens, teens and annoying little twat-flaps are going to flock to the megaplex to see New Moon. My educated guess is "a fuck-lot" and this has the potential to be very good or very, very bad.
It could be excellent because STY and I plan on bringing an artillery of video/recording devices with the full intent of recording any possible mayhem that may ensue before and after the movie. And with that many excited vaginas corralled in one place - there WILL be mayhem.
Pthhhp. This is fucking tame compared to the New Moon premiere, which is going to look more like a combination of...
Besides, on top of videos, cameras, voice recorders and whatever claptrap we'll insist on bringing, we will also have the one thing we carry at all times, no matter where we are or what we are doing. And I don't mean Mini Edward, although he's definitely coming along.
It's called an attitude.
You see, STY and I aren't exactly what you would call 'crowd people'. Crowds tend to make us cranky, especially crowds of screaming, self-entitled teenage girls. Throw a little vodka into the mix and New Moon is going to end up being a social experiment in feminine anarchy; and by 'feminine' I mean potential hair-pulling, eye-gouging, screaming and scratching. I can just imagine being besieged by young girls, possibly even getting beaten to a pulp with iPhones, Blackberries, Uggs and whatever new trendy sneaker is in style these days.
So I was thinking that maybe we need backup. I thought we could bribe one of our non-twi friend into coming with us because she's a fighter. Then I realized that her attitude makes STY and I look like docile little kittens, so maybe that isn't a good idea after all... It looks like we may have to fend for ourselves. I'd hate to have to use Mini Edward to gouge out an eye or something but... survival of the fittest has never been pretty and we are survivors.
Somehow, the New Moon premiere has morphed from "Let's watch a movie on opening night! Wheee!" to a full on "We need to prepare a battle plan so our invasion into Tweenieland goes smoothly, with as little collateral damage as possible. And it better not be a Boondoggle!! It's gonna get ugly in there, my brave TwiComrades. Stay strong and let's just hope their boyfriends aren't wearing Axe. Hooah!"
I mean, seriously, I feel like I'm about to enter the jungles of 'Nam, but with less jungle and death and more squealing and evil eyes. Charlie's everywhere and he's watching. And I don't mean Bella's Dad, either.