Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Preparing for New Moon Premiere. Or War.

If you're reading this blog then you undoubtedly have November 20, 2009 permanently etched into the gray matter of your brain. If you don't, then I am completely baffled as to why you're here (but feel free to enlighten me). For those of you who are too busy drooling over pictures of RPattz or reading fan fiction, I'll happily remind you that's only seventy eight days away, give or take a few hours.

Drooooooooooool

And I have to admit - I'm not sure we'll be able to prepare for the premiere in such a short period of time. Now, you might be asking who in their right mind needs 78 days to prepare for a fucking movie premiere?

Well, no one, actually. But who the hell said we are in our right minds?

Snarkier Than You and I have already been weighing the pros and cons of which movie theater to go to for the Big Night. Now, this might seem a little silly, but realistically this could make or break the whole experience and we are lucky enough to actually have options.

Loews seems the obvious choice, since the stadium seating is a way more comfortable then our other option, which is Regal Cinemas. Being that we are, well, older, the idea of sitting in an uncomfortable chair squeeing quietly at a film for two hours doesn't seem all that fun. Loews one, Regal zero.

On the other hand, Loews is HUGE. There are about two million screens or something like that in the theater (incidentally, there is also a gravestone in the parking lot - that's your random useless factoid for the day!). I can only imagine just how many tweens, teens and annoying little twat-flaps are going to flock to the megaplex to see New Moon. My educated guess is "a fuck-lot" and this has the potential to be very good or very, very bad.


It could be excellent because STY and I plan on bringing an artillery of video/recording devices with the full intent of recording any possible mayhem that may ensue before and after the movie. And with that many excited vaginas corralled in one place - there WILL be mayhem.

Pthhhp. This is fucking tame compared to the New Moon premiere, which is going to look more like a combination of...

This...

But of the female fan variety...

It could be bad, however, if the pandemonium suddenly becomes directed at us. Seeing as how we'll be wearing Twitarded gear and flashing camcorders in each other's faces this is a good possibility and therein lies the problem. These girls are going to see flashy things going off and get curious. Or, they're going to be enraged that someone over the age of sixteen is standing in line in front of them [na na nananer!].

Besides, on top of videos, cameras, voice recorders and whatever claptrap we'll insist on bringing, we will also have the one thing we carry at all times, no matter where we are or what we are doing. And I don't mean Mini Edward, although he's definitely coming along.

It's called an attitude.

You see, STY and I aren't exactly what you would call 'crowd people'. Crowds tend to make us cranky, especially crowds of screaming, self-entitled teenage girls. Throw a little vodka into the mix and New Moon is going to end up being a social experiment in feminine anarchy; and by 'feminine' I mean potential hair-pulling, eye-gouging, screaming and scratching. I can just imagine being besieged by young girls, possibly even getting beaten to a pulp with iPhones, Blackberries, Uggs and whatever new trendy sneaker is in style these days.

I will personally beat the crap out of anyone wearing this shoe. I don't care how old they are.

So I was thinking that maybe we need backup. I thought we could bribe one of our non-twi friend into coming with us because she's a fighter. Then I realized that her attitude makes STY and I look like docile little kittens, so maybe that isn't a good idea after all... It looks like we may have to fend for ourselves. I'd hate to have to use Mini Edward to gouge out an eye or something but... survival of the fittest has never been pretty and we are survivors.

Somehow, the New Moon premiere has morphed from "Let's watch a movie on opening night! Wheee!" to a full on "We need to prepare a battle plan so our invasion into Tweenieland goes smoothly, with as little collateral damage as possible. And it better not be a Boondoggle!! It's gonna get ugly in there, my brave TwiComrades. Stay strong and let's just hope their boyfriends aren't wearing Axe. Hooah!"
I've got ya covered, now RUN! Get to that popcorn stand! And I want extra butter, don't forget!

I mean, seriously, I feel like I'm about to enter the jungles of 'Nam, but with less jungle and death and more squealing and evil eyes. Charlie's everywhere and he's watching. And I don't mean Bella's Dad, either.

83 comments:

  1. I have a question..
    When can we expect another FanFiction from STY?

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  2. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak. Things have been a little bit hectic but I should have it done by in the next week or so. :)

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  3. that..my twitarded friend is why I think I will skip the midnight showing and just go during the day when all the prepubisent twats are at school!

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  4. Oh JJ, I've had the same thoughts and I'm a scared to go to the midnight show. Scared that I'll have to choke some tween to death 'cause she won't shut the fuck up. I've decided on taking the afternoon of the 20th off from work to see a matinee. Yes, a matinee. If there's a tween within 25 feet, she's getting a fucking boot up 'er ass. [And I'm sure I'll be looking bad ass in my new Bella jacket too!]

    Oh, and I have to agree with you on the high heeled sneaker. I'd like to beat the crap out of the person wearing that shoe WITH that shoe! Those are the stupidest looking things I've ever seen!

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  5. I took the 20th off work too, either in preparation for having seen the movie at the midnight showing the night before, OR being too scared of all the tweens to do that and going to a matinee on Friday. Jesus, I'm sooooo ready to see this effing movie already!!

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  6. See...this is why my friends and I are going to the theater with the 21 and over screens. We won't have to deal with the tweens at all. Plus the it is out at the beach and November is off-season, so less people. And I've already submitted my leave request for the 20th, so no worries there! I guess I've given this way too much thought, as well.

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  7. As i have brought up before, at least you two have each other..... me im still looking for a twi-enthusiast to accompany me to the premiere. hell i even debated taking a road trip 2 hours away for it, so i wouldnt be alone/going with an ass hat like my BFF, the real life mike fucking newton.


    so in a sense, you are lucky bitches!!

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  8. Glad to hear (or read) someone else has already started preparing. Just yesterday, I had an hour-long IM chat (while at work) with my one-and-only TwiAddict friend about our game plan for Nov. 20th. Hubby refuses to go cause he is sure that I will be forcefully escorted out and/or arrested (apparently there is already a pool on that one). Did I mention my friend is due to birth her first baby on Nov. 21st? Ya. To quote Mr.Cullen, "complications."

    The gameplan for that is if she goes into labor, I ain't leavn' and if I get kicked out, she ain't leavn'. Fair. She swears she won't go into labor early and I promise not to instigate any fights and to keep my screaming and lewd remarks to a minimum. That will be hard (that’s what she said).

    I have already called about tickets. I am hoping for a Midnight screening so all the young 'uns are tucked safely away in bed.

    Oh, I also took the 20th off as well! And I said no to a Husker footbal game the next day(Husker football is religion, but so is Twilight). I said no to the game cause I know I will be hung over and in line for the movie, again.

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  9. I am not even going to try visiting the theaters opening night as much as I want to. Unless I manage to convert my sister to a Twitard by then. But even then, I'd rather see it without having my brains explode from the screaming. So no action for me premiere night I'm afraid :(

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  10. Random question: When does one really stop being a tween? Most would say 12 is the last year because once you hit 13 you are technically a teen. But going to the Twilight midnight premiere it seemed like the teens were really the tweens. The reason I ask this is, I'm technically still in my teen years (Don't worry, I'm not 13) and I want to know how wrong someone would be in calling me a tween. In my mind it pretty much comes down to this: We all kind of revert to crazed tween girls when it comes to Twilight.
    Sorry if this is an awkward, meaningless attempt at a comment. It's very late here and I took come cough medicine which is not a good combo to be writing on the internet with.
    Ps: I love you ladies:)

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  11. My sisters-in-law and I have a battle plan all ready for the day, with me being the general of course. In my worst moments I have thought of dipping into my children's college fund to rent out the theatre for a select group of so called mature fans or getting a job at the theatre so I can see it early(that little tidbit was given by a teenybopper that laughed at me when I wanted to sneak into The Proposal to see the 1st trailer on the big screen.

    With 78 more days to go , my plan should be about perfect.

    Do you think a yard sale selling 75% of my kids crap would be better than stealing their college money??

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  12. You have no idea how bad and pushy I can be. I convinced my marketing team to rent the theatre out Friday morning for a private showing. We'll give out tickets as prizes but shhh...secretly I just don't want to go the Midnight showing or deal with the crowds Friday night and let me say, I would host any of you awesome ladys (of course my twitarded gals would get VIP) JJ @ STY come fly out to Hawaii!
    Oh and BTW, I will be proudly wearing my Twitarded tank top!

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  13. We are also planning our game plan. I have visions of ridiculous teenagers sneering at Tiny E and B. And then I have visions of me and QP beating down said teenagers, while intoxicated, which could result in us getting arrested. And how will we ever explain that to the husbands? "Honey I went to jail because of New Moon, can you pick up the kids from the sitter?" is not a converstation I want to have. We'll never hear the end of it. Must perfect game plan...

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  14. 1) The movie will probably be rated PG-13, so EVERYONE can see. But if they make it a R that would eliminate a good portion of tweens--not gonna happen because of the ol'mighty $$$.
    2) It would be great if they would make the theater into like 3 sections--3 different theaters for those bigass mega plexes. a) screaming tweens that won't shut up and watch the movie, b) over 17 that will watch the movie and c) the rest of us that will actually watch the movie and be sshhhing people who talk, c) oh yea, and the drooling section. LOL
    3) I plan on attending the midnight show with my daughter and possible a few others fans. Praying that the 14 plex will show it in a couple of screens and that the tickets are not sold out! Fandandgo better be prepared!!!

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  15. Hey STY and JJ, this is the first comment I've left you guys. I've spent the past week or so reading through the archives and have laughed so hard (silent mostly, because...well...there are other people in my house and you know...im not out of the closet with my twitardedness yet).

    Thankfully, in my area, there is a movie theater (one of many) that is almost hidden and unless you KNOW it's there, you can't find it. So, I might go to the midnight showing because I don't think I will have to deal with those damn teenagers screaming everytime you see an exposed abdomen.

    Sorry this was so long! Just wanted to say how great you guys are!

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  16. So funny you should post this. I previously said I'd skip the teeny crowds, but when I saw that Fandango is pre-selling tickets in my state I recklessly texted a couple of Twi-friends only an hour ago about attending with me. I know it will be insane, but maybe I could go for 'the experience' and attend during the following matinee to actually hear it. I dunno. 3 glasses of wine are fucking with my logic.

    @Kaitlin - You're young but articulate. You're not a tween so you can stay if you behave yourself:-)

    @Rachel Z - Sounds perfect! You're not in Colorado are you? I'll contribute, if so. (PS - self-sufficient kids should pay for their own college IMO)

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  17. I'm hoping since the midnight showing is on thurs night (right?) that there won't be too many teenies as they all have school the next day.

    I'm also taking some earplugs, my ipod, a flask, one of my besties, and my martial arts skillz. These things should help me through.

    As this won't be the only time I'll be seeing it in the theater, I'm just going to be prepared to mostly watch only the first time through, and maybe try listening later. (I wonder if our theater has those things that get the dialoge right to your ear for the hard of hearing ... must look into this ...)

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  18. There is no way in hell I could handle a midnight showing. *shakes head*
    As soon as the screaming would start....I would want to punch someone in the neck! Followed by bitching someone out....it would end badly. Oh so badly.


    You are brave brave ladies.

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  19. I agree with the above. You ladies are brave to go to the midnight show. Make sure you each have a whistle or something just in case one of you gets cornered by rabid tween fans :)

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  20. Sister and I hit up the cocktails before watching "Twilight" on opening night. The bartender hooked it up so it was cheap. We had extra money in our pockets, liquor and cheesecake in our bellies, and lesbians making out in the seats next to us. It was a grand and fun time.

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  21. Hours between happy hour and midnight: at least 7. I can do some serious damage/numbing before opening credits. I like the idea of the hearing impaired listening devices.

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  22. As you well know JJ and STY I, too, have been planning for months. I know what I am bringing, who will be joining me, what I will be wearing (Twitarded gear--woot!), what I will be drinking before the movie and what I will be sneaking in to drink during the movie...and I know what I will be wiping my tears of heartbreak away with. It is my birthday on Nov. 21st so the planning is big--we are thinking of renting the party bus quite possibly. I am NOT planning on a midnight showing however. My friends and I are planning on Nov. 20th for the 7-8pm showing. We are still discussing theater options but have already been discussing ticket buying strategies. Last year I had 10 of my buddies come with me....this year I think it may be closer to 15! We are all in late 30's and early 40's and we all love to get our drink on.

    Personally, I kind of want to be with some screaming girls teenage girls. We saw Twilight last year on the 21st at 7:30pm--I kid you not the show was sold out and it was all people in my relative age group. I was a bit disappointed. The movie disappointed me too but that is another topic. Any squeeing and obnoxious outbursts came from my group of friends. Yay! It was a little too tame though for my liking.

    JJ--I guess my tactic is a show of force by pure numbers. 15 snarky-drunk-almost-middle-aged-Twilight-lovin' women--who would fuck with that?

    The game is on--let the premier strategies unfold!

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  23. I will brave the squealing teenybops for the support of New Moon's midnight ticket sales. Everyone should do the same because regardless of the annoying fifteen year olds, you know you're going to see it 9742289240 more times in theaters to enjoy it in peace.

    JJ and STY - I've been debating where in NYC to see it as well. So far there's no word it's going to show in Imax otherwise I'd be there in a heartbeat. Do let us know where you decide to go so appropriate stalking can take place. =) Plus, there's always safety in numbers!

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  24. The movie comes out on the 19th in Australia (just wanted to boast!!).
    The midnight screening on the 18th/19th in my town will be for charity so tickets will be more expensive, which hopefully will keep out the screaming teens. Luckily I am friends with the boss of the person organising the screening and have been promised a ticket.
    I have already asked for the day after off from work. I am not sure whether I will spend that day sleeping off the late night, or seeing the movie a second time.

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  25. JJ, the only advice I have for you is, whatever you do, do not wear plaid!

    You have posted that someone said you resemble Rob (I don't see it at all!) and I wouldn't want you to be mobbed on opening night by tweens, unless it's because you instigated a drunken brawl by beating one about the head and torso with her high-heeled sneaker.

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  26. I've already booked (did this in May) a hotel room (jacuzzi suite)in the nearest city to have midnight showings. And now I've started stock-piling the bourbon and chocolate that maybe needed to keep me from offing any squawking fangirls that may be seated next to me and my drunken cohorts.

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  27. Would the tweenies be old enough to have BlackBerries? I thought BlackBerries for that age group would be like, you know, like, just so not cool. Oh I suck at sounding like a teen.

    Ok, so it turns out that two of my closest friends are completely Twisessed as well so we've been planning the best strategy for seeing New Moon. We're thinking breakfast first, with some Irish coffee (caffeine and alcohol - yes there is a Godlike creature) and then hit an early AM session. That will then give us the rest of the day to hit a bar and act not like our age as we squeee over what we've just seen.
    So yeah, you're not the only ones who are now approaching this in a well researched manner.
    PS: All three of us have stares that will burn a hole in the back of anyone's head. We may have to abstain for a while before to ensure our hole boring stares are at their full potential in case of battle.

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  28. @Honolulu Girl - Hey girlfriend, if you do rent the theater for a Friday exclusive I'd love to fly from Kauai to join you.

    Charlie's watching!! I love it! Unfortunately, I live on a small island with only one, yes one main cinema. Deal with it. Most these young twats are probably my friends kids standing in line with me!!! What the f**k! I want to be the first in line. WAAAAAA!!!! Hey, with age comes experience. You know RPattz deserves all that he can be!! And were ALL that he can be!! AMEN!!!! Why does he have to be so f**kin' gorgeous!!!!! BREATHE!!!

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  29. My "book club" is about a dozen strong. There is strength in numbers and I can silence a kid with one look :)

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  30. millions of tweens = bad idea

    I'll be going to the cinema in the mall with the most comfortable seats. In SA, the later show = less tweens.

    personally would prefer the cinema all to myself because the mere sight of his godlike hotness might send me into a frenzy that I would prefer not to be witnessed

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  31. Okay, lurking Australian twi fan here - firstly you guys make me laugh out loud so often. I'm exactly your demographic. Thank you for existing and validating my freaky obsession!!! (and no, no link to the crazy crap emanating from certain Australian news and magazine editors).

    My sister got me hooked on twilight - and we're planning on flying to be in the same city for Nov 20th and going to some kind of directors suite cinema, ordering some serious drinks......

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  32. I have a crowd issue. Big time. Toys'r'us at Christmas is more like panic attacks'r'us.

    There's a theatre near by that has VIP seating. So that means comfy chair, waiters pre-show, and booze. Cause of the booze, it's 19+. YAY!! So a bunch of us at work are hoping that new moon will go to the one of the VIP seating areas. If so, I'm going the 20th. If not, Wednesday afternoon matinee two weeks later (yes I can wait - I didn't see twilight until Feb, granted I wasn't twitarded but meh)

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  33. My battle plan: my BFF and fellow thirty-something Twi-hard (flying up from St. Augustine to join me in Atlanta) will be hosting a party before the midnight showing at the hotel next to the movie theatre. We plan to get a bit toasty with our fellow Twilighters and be comfortably numb so we don't care about the screaming tweens. We will continue our numbness by smuggling in our Ménage a Trois red wine...THEN, when we wake up at the same hotel the party was at, we'll have the fried food needed to rid ourselves of the hangover, we will go see the 11 am matinee at same said movie theatre to fully enjoy the movie and watch the scenes we may have forgotten due to our inebriatedness (and our potential loud squuuuuuuuuuuealing). I can't wait!!!!! If all goes well, it's possible we may catch the eve show on 11/20 as well! Total and utter New Moon and Robward submersion!!

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  34. P.S. - I CANNOT wait to tell my husband the new word I learned this morning - "twat-flap." OMG - HILARIOUS!!!

    Another great line: "And with that many excited vaginas corralled in one place - there WILL be mayhem."

    JJ & STY - I love your minds!!!!!

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  35. *LMAO* I totally understand. I'm just grateful that my friend's 15 year old daughter is wanting to go with her mom and I...naturally because we bribed her and said we'd pay for anything she wants at the movie...although I'm pretty sure well still get the evil eye!


    Wish me luck Rob hunting in Vancouver this weekend! :)

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  36. I too have been thinking about my plan for the premiere. It's a bit more shaky for me as I don't have a partner who is as much of a fan girl as me. I have friends who want to see the movie, but no one that is needing to go on 11/20. So I have thought about taking the day off work to see the mid-day show. Which is a total bummer b/c who the hell am I going to squee with? The 16 yo next to me who skipped school? Not happening. It's a conundrum. But I will tell you what...there is no way I'm checking a twi-related feed btwn 11/20 and when I see the movie or I will die of jealousy.

    BTW, can't wait for the next chapter to come out. Has your Edward been nicknamed?

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  37. We have been discussing this for a while. I am thinking we will opt for the afternoon showing and skip the midnight madness for fear of what we might do to some of the teenie boppers. And aren't crimes against children more severe? Yeah-that's why I am staying home! LOL!

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  38. Man, I never even considered the prospect of battling the screeching tweenie masses. *shudder* I may have to hand over my Twitard card for saying this, but the very idea of it all is making me consider not going on opening day. I KNOW! I share your tendency for getting pissy in a crowd, but lack the boldness to overcome it.

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  39. LMAO Me, my bff and niece are going and we're making my bff's husband go too. He went with us to see Twilight and laughed at all the dumb girls. I think I'll video him and get his reaction. Plus it's good to have him there in case we bitch slap some twats that are talking too loud. Those little bitches better watch out. At Twilight my bff told this kid beside her that she better be quiet and the girl got scared and moved away. Smart kid. We take our twilight serious yo!

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  40. Hilarious! I feel exactly the same way ;) I fear the same exact things will happen to me (or happen because of me ;) It's made me want to wait until the opening "day" to see it just so I can go during the middle of the work day when all the kids will still be in school !!

    "STY and I aren't exactly what you would call 'crowd people'. Crowds tend to make us cranky, especially crowds of screaming, self-entitled teenage girls."

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  41. Loved the "excited Vaginas" line ;)

    I have been reading up on ladies who are hitting up their local movieplex and renting out an entire theater just to keep the tweens away. I've put this idea to my few twifriends to see if they go for it. It is even worse here b/c I live in a college town so I have to put up with rich sorority girls too.

    I missed out on all the mayhem last time around as Twilight wasn't even on my radar until late Nov/early Dec. But I won't be able to sleep if I don't go to the midnight showing. I wonder how many times I will go see it in the theater???

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  42. STY, I hope you can find time to write this asshole a note!!! The nerve!!! I'd love to read your take on this: http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/michaeldeacon/100008315/being-rich-famous-and-sexy-is-a-drag-part-4782/

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  43. ok...food for thought....if any you ladies do not attend the midnight showing are you really going to be able to sleep that night knowing that thousands of those little tweenybops have seen New Moon and you have not? The thought of that is enough for me to brave anything! My twipartner in crime and I have already warned husbands that we are making a night of it. I agree there is definetly enough time between happy hour and Midnight to relieve me of any fears of hords of tweenies!

    If we all just drink ourselves into Switzerland we won't have to worry about battle lines.

    Hell, maybe they'll be the ones telling us to shut up while we squee maybe not so quietly in our drunken states.

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  44. 'Charlie's everywhere and he's watching. And I don't mean Bella's Dad, either.'

    Hilarious! I really did just LOL. You guys crack me up. I'm thinking it's gonna be an all out war too. I'm trying to be brave and psych myself up for it. It's gonna be in the trenches ladies!

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  45. Yes, ladies, I think I will wait and go to the earliest showing on the 20th. I, along with 5 of my best over 50 year old friends, will just have to wait. Or I will end up beating the snot out of a tweenie with my PEs (I have several - is that sick or what?).

    I took 2 of my Cougar friends to the midnight release of Twilight on DVD and it was a bit insane. The Harry Potter book releases were always entertaining, but that evening was crazy. I did, however, snag a copy of the GQ with RobertMyLove on the cover. So it was worth the insanity. Besides, we will have seen most of it in trailers (although they tend to be out of context) and I have read all the books several times and I know what is "supposed" to happen. Just can't wait to see RobertMyLove on the big screen again as EdwardTheLoveOfMyLife.

    My husband enjoys pointing out every picture or mention of him with, "There's your buddy!" Now, he knows full well that friends are friends and pals are pals, but buddies sleep together. And he knows Robert is at the top of my "List", the one wherein, if I ever get the chance, these are the 6 people I can "do" without repercussions. You know, like Johnny Depp, Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Laurie, David Tennant, etc. His includes Hillary Duff (as if) Angelina Jolie (go ahead if you can, dude), etc.

    So, I have been lurking here for a few weeks, and I have to say, I have enjoyed the crap out of everything you say!! I love your links, your fanfic recommendations, and your delightful attitudes. You complete me. (And I hate Tom Cruise, but that so fits!) Thank you, thank you, thank you! JJ and STN. You rock my world.

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  46. I too have had this conversation with my twi-ying to my yang; she almost got us kicked out of the midnight Harry Potter, so I can only shudder to imagine how fast her head will start spinning and how loud the demon within will become when the teen-bop twits interupt her on screen O-fest. Quite the dilemma really. We're leaning towards pills over alcohol to give us that easy going inebriation.....

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  47. @Anonymous from Kauai. Girlfriend, you are more than welcome to see it with us over here, but we're doing an 8am showing (I warned you it was early) but it would just be us and you can bring mini E or FSE.

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  48. I never saw Twilight in the theater…I’d never even heard of it till my daughter got the DVD...I think it was last April, and I read the books in May (and every month since then). This is a whole new experience for me…
    I really hadn’t done much planning on what I would do for the movie. I assumed I’d take my girls (the 6 and 9 year olds anyway, 2yo can stay with her dad) after the initial squee fest is over. How sad is that? I wasn’t even planning on having my own little squee session with the movie…I think I’d lose any and all respect my kids may (or may not) have for me if I took them to the movie and became a drooling, idiotic fan girl in front of them!
    But now…I have a prospective date for the movie…I’ve told my HS BFF of my twisession and she didn’t freak out (yay!) She has agreed to read the books for me. I told her if she can’t get at least Twilight read by 11/20, she HAS to watch the Movie so when I drag her ass with me to see New Moon, she’ll somewhat be on the same page! She is the one friend who I would absolutely not feel embarrassed to say “Squeeeeeee!” in front of (sans kids, of course!)
    @ Kristen – if your TwiAddict friend is otherwise…um…occupied with squeezing out a little ankle-biter and can’t go to the movie, give me a shout. Apparently we’re not too far from each other, although I would be more apt to say “Huck the Fuskers” where I live. Down here, you can’t throw a stick without hitting something purple! GO CATS! (OK, honestly I really don’t give a fuck about football - I just love to get the diehard fans all pissed off! It’s so fucking easy to do!)
    @ Suzpetals – Re: Kaitlin…why the fuck would you tell her to behave? LOL
    @ Track 10 – “As soon as the screaming would start....I would want to punch someone in the neck!” OMG, I totally agree with that…I have very little patience to start with, so “don’t fuss with me!”
    @ Linda Bryant – “book club” Hmmmm…gives me an idea…
    @ Cheryl – Twat flap is great, but my fave is still twat waffle (which was used in “Mr. Horrible” and caused me to absolutely shriek with laughter, scaring the shit out of my husband who was dozing in front of the TV)
    @ OutOfTheTwiCloset – the best of luck to you, and send JJ & STY pix to post if you get any…er…pix, that is.
    @ SallyJFox – you are a strong, independent woman...
    @Federico Zarco – y’think?
    Love to all!

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  49. see now. i got my shit together. i was blessed with "dont fuck with me' you tween ass monkey DNA" what with me being 6"5' and all. and that oh so lovely foot ball palyer build...i will willingly kick someone in the face for you girls.
    ~Tory

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  50. So I'm coming out of lurkdom to post. I really enjoy reading your posts JJ and STY.

    So am I the only "veteran" around? I saw the midnight showing of Twilight last year. I went with my neighbor who at that point hadn't read the books (*gasp* I know, she has since read them all and turned her brother into a unicorn to boot, LOL). She is a big movie fan in general, though, and had some kind of "free popcorn" movie club card, so she was in :-) For the record, we are both over 30.....

    Anyway, not knowing what to expect at all, we got to the theater at around 10pm. It was one of those 12 or 16-plex behemoths. They had ended up putting everyone into 2 theaters, we found out later. We walked right in, found some good aisle seats and waited. There were lots of "tweens" running around, up and down the stairs etc. I was prepared for the worst. But my friend and I just hunkered down.

    I have to say that once the movie started we did not hear a peep. Couldn't believe it. Oh my inner squee was in full effect (Edward walking into the cafeteria, hellooooo), and apart from a few sighs that maybe registered in my Edward-filled brain, it was as if the whole theater was in a silent trance.

    I hope you all get as lucky for New Moon! I still remember sitting in my seat, wondering if I just sat there long enough they'd run the film through again. *sigh* How many more days again?

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  51. Oh, thank you for your hilarious posts! I just love it. I'm 33 and am also wondering about the crowds at opening night. There is a group of 15+ of us 30 somethings that are going, and we are thinking of waiting until the 9pm on the 20th? I don't know. I just want to actually hear the movie!

    oh and that shoe is just WRONG. Wear a converse ladies, but not like that! I was also appalled when I went to the mall this last week and saw what they are doing to flannel shirts. If you want to wear a flannel shirt, wear one. Don't turn it into a shoe, bag, dress, headband or anything else. eh!

    Oh, but that first picture of Rob is so RIGHT! Thank you!! ;)

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  52. Thank you for the post addressing the issue of how the heck to see the movie without seeing the tweens! I did like the idea thrown out of seeing it in the daytime when the kiddos are at school, but it has 2 flaws. One, how can I sleep knowing tweens have seen what I have not, and Two, you know the really annoying kids will ditch school and be at the movie anyway. Aargh. I will just have so suffer through it . . .somehow . . .with vodka. . . .it might be possible.

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  53. I wonder when i'll be able to see it. I hadn't given much thought to opening night. But I suppose my experience will be better than yours because I happen to be a teen, but crowds and annoying teenagers aren't quite my forte either. >.> I'm sure it will be somewhere online the second it hits movie theaters, but that just kind of ruins it. Besides, Robward and Jacob are best seen big screen, I'm sure. 8)

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  54. @Kat - Pierce Brosnan is a part-time resident on Kauai. He's kind and very approachable in the community. My daughter's hula troop danced for him on the 4th of July. She said he was really nice. Personally, I'm hoping Pierce dropped a line to RobertMyLove about how wonderful the island of Kauai is, and that RobertMyLove would consider coming here for some R&R, less KStew of course. It would summon the Demon Cougar in me to attack!!!! Forget the husband, kids, work, life. Just give me Rob! Second in the line up - Sean Connery. Now there's experience!!!!

    @Honolulu Girl - 8am Friday morning. Sounds tempting. I might actually consider!

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  55. My daughter will brave the screaming tweens at the midnight show with her friends, then she and I will go to the drive-in to enjoy it in the privacy of our car. At least that's the plan. I think I can wait, and not go see it the moment it's released. I think I can I think I can.

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  56. First of all - I am SO jealous that some of you have theaters that have an age requirement to get in. SO NOT FAIR!!! [stomps foot]

    I am kind of curious how this is going to turn out because when STY and I went to see the movie for the third time it was already in the theater for a looooong time and the theater was still packed.

    Then again, I do have vague memories of stuffing my scarf in my mouth to stifle the maniacal, uncontrollable giggling. STY couldn't even look at me or she was totally going to lose her shit.

    @Honolulu Girl and friends - that's pretty cool that you guys might actually meet up and see the movie together.

    All I know is... this is gonna be interesting. I'm assuming we're going to be tweeting and whatnot (NOT during the movie - I want to stab peeps who whip out their phones in a theater) but we promise, promise we won't spill and spoilers.

    As if you guys don't know how the fucking movie ends anyway... ;)

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  57. @TwiWeasal - KSU - ewww - I threw up in my mouth a bit. Just kidding, kinda. Where are you in Kansas? I am in Lincoln.

    I love reading all your game plans! Feels so good to know that I am not alone.

    I am not sure if I should admit this, but I am a veteran of 7 New Kids on the Block concerts, 3 of which I went to this past year. I am used to screaming, drunk vaginas, cause, well, I was one of them. If I made it through 3 NKOTB concerts very drunk and not get arrested, I think I can make it through a movie, right???

    I also hate to admit, I am not so worried about all the tweenies as I am about myself. I am a screamer. And a clapper. I cannot seem to control my hands when I get, em, excited. I am an excited clapper. Add the screaming. And my very lewd mouth. And you got trouble. I am sure I will be the one getting "sushed" and given the death stare. Thus the reason hubby will not be with me. He has his limits.

    I am still trying out how I can drink and not have to pee every 20 minutes.

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  58. LKW & I are going to the Matinee after the Midnight Squee..WE are TEAM Rob! We are going with our TwiPal who is, gasp, team JACOB..I'm more worried about THAT then anything. LOL.
    If I can withstand TEAM JACOB TwiPal..i can Handle Just about anything! I'd Love to get a Posse together. Must get on that!
    GO TEAM TWITARDED!

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  59. LKW & I are going to the Matinee after the Midnight Squee..WE are TEAM Rob! We are going with our TwiPal who is, gasp, team JACOB..I'm more worried about THAT then anything. LOL.
    If I can withstand TEAM JACOB TwiPal..i can Handle Just about anything! I'd Love to get a Posse together. Must get on that!
    GO TEAM TWITARDED!

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  60. OMG!!! My bff and I are loyal followers of your blog and while I routinely end up crying from laughing so fucking hard; I have never sprayed the screen until now. The picture of Robward w/ his hair sensing rabid fan girls was drenched in Hershey's Chocolate Milk. Hmmmmmmmmm.........Robward plus chocolate,what an interesting combination. What was I saying? The other half of my brain (read bff) also know as the heart and soul of the operation, who never and I mean NEVER planned anything in her life has taken point in planning for the war as you call it. Here I am the balls and badass bitch of the duo was prepping for a mellow Woodstock peace, love, and all things twilight time and all the while the gentle goody two shoes wants to go in like fucking Iwo Jima man. Thanks for the laughs, keep it up.

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  61. @ Kristen - Yeah, KSU...I know. And our school colors are also purple and white!

    NKOTB, are you serious? Man, I loved them, when I was in like, 7th grade *snicker* I'm also a screamer/clapper (which my husband says is better than a sweater LOL) I was a HS cheerleader, although I was never the QBs girlfriend. (I went with the enemy from another school!)

    Anyhoo...40 miles straight north of Manhattan, you'll run into a little town called Waterville. Yep, podunk at it's finest...that's me.

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  62. I, too, am jealous of those of you whose theaters have age requirements. I would so love that VIP treatment, but I've never heard of such a thing where I live.

    W/V: twoodple. Why do all your word verifs sound dirrty? Or is it just me? Just me. Ok nevermind.

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  63. I may take my friend's 9-year-old daughter as my "beard." Yeah, I'll be sure to sigh and roll my eyes at the tweenies as if I soooo don't want to be there on opening night but I'm being such the great chaperone. (As if! *squeeeee!*)

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  64. @Alicat - It's amazing how people change when there is so much at stake. ;) I can't even tell you what I would have thought of me a year ago if I knew I'd be doing shit like this - definitely not how I roll. I probably would have punched myself in the nose or something. Good thing I'm not like Alice...

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm on a mad search for +21 theaters in the tri-state area...

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  65. I had no idea how lucky I was to have a Twilight movie buddy! My sister is, alas, not a Twitard, but she is a total Robtard so yay!

    Sooo not going to my local cinema cos it sucks ass. Also sooo not going on opening night. I don't think my eardrums could take it, and my sis hates kids and I just can't risk her clocking a tweenie bitch (she totally would, too) for interrupting her ogling Rob. I'll just have to be strong and patient and wait a bit. Gah! I'm already struggling and it's not even November yet! I'm doooomed...

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  66. Well after reading all your comments I am even sadder that I have to wait til December to see it. I got into Twilight in May of this year and have been picky about it ever since.

    I have health issues that have led me to not be able enjoy my fave things: movies, concerts, the theater. One word: defibrillator. My devil 24/7. You know how on med shows they show people getting shocked backed to life which to me just looks like a weird sex reaction to get something shoved up their butts. Well I have that machine in mini form in me and that MFer has limited my fun like you would not believe.

    I can just imagine how loud it will be with claps and screams when the shirtless scenes and first appearances in the movie arrive. Why? Because I would do that too (well at least the first time). So I have decided that I will just wait and pray that I have a friend in the area willing to go by then. My baby sister (closet Twifan who does not want to read the books and only cares about Twilight if it involves a shirtless Jacob) will see it at midnight with her BF, lucky b*tch.

    Now I may have to check about the headphone thing and maybe a theater that has food so as to really not deal with the tweens. I wanna spend my money drooling at Rob too ya know, not my allowance.

    Love y'all!

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  67. You are all braver than I. We will be driving to the next town about 30 minutes away to a movie theater that you have to be 21 or older to go to because they serve adult beverages and dinner. Wahoo, no teens, just me and a bunch of other drunk, horny bitches to oggle at the wolfpack and shirtless Edward's happy trail, can't wait...
    verification word: neters. It is so neters that someone decided to combine a bar and movie theater for us.

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  68. @Kristen and TwiWeasel just a little south of ya'll you will find Ms J and Me! We are KS too! We took our mini E to the NKOTB concert here a few months ago...he got drunk! LOL!

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  69. JJ,
    I know what you mean. Twilight has actually mellowed me. I now take the bus so I can read Twilight instead of driving aggressivly for 40 mintues to go work. A new blog entry about how Twilight has made the world better, maybe? Fewer accidents from angry drivers and using less non-renewable resources. Damn, I feel pretty good about myself right now. I might even let my own mini-E sleep in my room tonight(I usually don't because his pissed off expression scares me a little bit.) I'll just take my chances and live on the edge I guess. Maybe he'll find my neverending tangled up struggle with the top sheet endearing.
    later.....

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  70. Ok, so I'm late to all the posts this week but in my defense my oldest started Kindergarden so it was a busy week!
    I too cannot figure out the best way to see NM, and have gone over various scenarios. It truly has been like preparing to go to battle. And BTW, I usually read the best lines to DH (who secretly looks forward to it, I know) and his fav last night was "let's just hope their boyfriends aren't wearing Axe" OME, were dying!
    I'm currently leaning towards the fancy theater that serves dinner and ALCOHOL- ensuring fewer screaming 13 year olds. WHO BTW I have decided like Twilight cuz they're supposed to, not cuz they have ANY Fing idea how hot the love triangle really is or how smokin' those boys really are!!

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  71. I really want to go to opening night but if people(tweens) are screaming loudly everytime Edward walks on screen or talks it's really gonna tick me off. Especially if I can't hear what he's saying. My gut instinct tells me to wait for a matinee. Don't get me wrong, I will be just as affected as the rest but I still want to hear the movie. Wish we had an over 21 theatre here. I'll have to check it out.

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  72. Just for the record. You have no idea what screaming teens are like till you are forced to take a group of kids because your stupid friend won tickets on the radio to the Premiere of The Jonas Bros in concert in 3D. I endured not only screams in the movie (concert) but screams in the audience. Just thought I'd share because if I survived, you all will too. Use any military training you have.

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  73. So...I have to announce to my Twitarded friends that I just bought my tickets to the midnight showing at a Regal Cinemas in Atlanta - oh yeah! I can't believe they already started selling AND selling out! Wuhahahahaha!! My BFF and I are set!! Those little tween Twat-flaps don't know what's hit them!!! (God I love my new favorite word - Twat-flap!...oh and Twat-waffle - another great one -- Thanks for that one TwiWeasal!!)!

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  74. Just found your blog!!!
    Where have I been??? I must have been living in a hole!
    Love love your blog and your writing..although a blog surely entails writing...lol! I am now becoming a reader!

    cheers

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  75. @ash

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us and hope you enjoy our archives.

    Don't worry, we don't start the initiations until your third week here... ;)

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  76. OK, so my girlfriends and I (average age = approx 39.5) already have our tickets, thanks to FANDANGO!! I am getting as many of them to use their VISA CARDS (ha-HA, we're older and we have more plastic!!) and buy their tickets. We WILL outnumber the TEENY-POOPERS 10 to 1 if I have my way! BUT -- here's my dilemma. I heard rumors about KStew or RPattz or some other awesome main star(s) going to a premiere in Knoxville, TN on 11/20. I suppose since the new word is that they'll likely be in LA on the 16th (??) for an early premiere, then the Knoxville potential still exists????

    PS: My new word for today: SHBREPPO. It's my verification word and it fargin' ROX.

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  77. Sister and I hit up the cocktails before watching "Twilight" on opening night. The bartender hooked it up so it was cheap. We had extra money in our pockets, liquor and cheesecake in our bellies, and lesbians making out in the seats next to us. It was a grand and fun time.

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  78. As you well know JJ and STY I, too, have been planning for months. I know what I am bringing, who will be joining me, what I will be wearing (Twitarded gear--woot!), what I will be drinking before the movie and what I will be sneaking in to drink during the movie...and I know what I will be wiping my tears of heartbreak away with. It is my birthday on Nov. 21st so the planning is big--we are thinking of renting the party bus quite possibly. I am NOT planning on a midnight showing however. My friends and I are planning on Nov. 20th for the 7-8pm showing. We are still discussing theater options but have already been discussing ticket buying strategies. Last year I had 10 of my buddies come with me....this year I think it may be closer to 15! We are all in late 30's and early 40's and we all love to get our drink on.

    Personally, I kind of want to be with some screaming girls teenage girls. We saw Twilight last year on the 21st at 7:30pm--I kid you not the show was sold out and it was all people in my relative age group. I was a bit disappointed. The movie disappointed me too but that is another topic. Any squeeing and obnoxious outbursts came from my group of friends. Yay! It was a little too tame though for my liking.

    JJ--I guess my tactic is a show of force by pure numbers. 15 snarky-drunk-almost-middle-aged-Twilight-lovin' women--who would fuck with that?

    The game is on--let the premier strategies unfold!

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  79. Hey STY and JJ, this is the first comment I've left you guys. I've spent the past week or so reading through the archives and have laughed so hard (silent mostly, because...well...there are other people in my house and you know...im not out of the closet with my twitardedness yet).

    Thankfully, in my area, there is a movie theater (one of many) that is almost hidden and unless you KNOW it's there, you can't find it. So, I might go to the midnight showing because I don't think I will have to deal with those damn teenagers screaming everytime you see an exposed abdomen.

    Sorry this was so long! Just wanted to say how great you guys are!

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  80. Hours between happy hour and midnight: at least 7. I can do some serious damage/numbing before opening credits. I like the idea of the hearing impaired listening devices.

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  81. So funny you should post this. I previously said I'd skip the teeny crowds, but when I saw that Fandango is pre-selling tickets in my state I recklessly texted a couple of Twi-friends only an hour ago about attending with me. I know it will be insane, but maybe I could go for 'the experience' and attend during the following matinee to actually hear it. I dunno. 3 glasses of wine are fucking with my logic.

    @Kaitlin - You're young but articulate. You're not a tween so you can stay if you behave yourself:-)

    @Rachel Z - Sounds perfect! You're not in Colorado are you? I'll contribute, if so. (PS - self-sufficient kids should pay for their own college IMO)

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  82. I am not even going to try visiting the theaters opening night as much as I want to. Unless I manage to convert my sister to a Twitard by then. But even then, I'd rather see it without having my brains explode from the screaming. So no action for me premiere night I'm afraid :(

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