Wednesday, September 9, 2009

So you think KStew's a Bitch...

That's right, mother fuckers. Gotta a problem with it?

I'm sure by now it's quite clear that Twitarded is not a news blogsite. I mean, we do cover select juicy bits of news from time to time, but we're still not a news site. Know what I mean? We don't even pretend to be a news site because we are both absurdly opinionated and have the attention span of a two year old strung out on - Oooh, check it out! Shiny penny!


Were was I? Oh, right. We don't really do news, per se. But every once in awhile I read something and feel compelled to throw my two cents in. Granted, this usually happens a day or two after the fact, since that's how we roll and this happens to be one of those times.

Lucky you!

Call it a rant, call it verbal vomit/sharting or whatever but... once something gets stuck in my head it won't go away. Kind of like how I found a long ass curly in the public bathroom today and couldn't stop picturing it until I was practically retching into my wastebasket at my desk...

Fuck me, did it again. Sorry. So here's the deal: apparently some drunk cunty thing came into close proximity to KStew the other night when she and RPattz were leaving the Bobby Long show. Rumor has it that the aforementioned [consults Creative Cursing book] twat wipe let the B-word fly. And I don't mean Bombastic, either. I'm talking more "female dog" here.

Whenever I read shit like this I'm thankful that I am not a famous person because if I was, I'd probably end up in jail. I have a hard enough time not snarling at people for saying Stupid Shit and I'm just a chubby little nobody. I can't imagine having to be thrust into the spotlight and forced to deal with the legions of drooling fucknuggets that are out there.

"Kristen, Kristen! Over here! WHY won't you look at ME?! I'm back here!! Ew... what a bitch..."

I mean, seriously, if someone called me a bitch I'm pretty sure I'd have something to say about it. Sure, if someone had called you a bitch to my face when I was nineteen I'd be getting out of the slammer any year now, what with with time off for sucking cock good behavior and that literacy program I'd started (hey, porn is reading material, too). But actually, these days I'd probably just agree with them, to be honest. Maybe I'd call 'em out on it, depending on my level of whiskey [aka "I'm-actually-a-ninja-and-can-kick-your-ass" juice] consumption. Triple that if I have backup [i.e. Snarkier Than You is with me and has she been matching me round for round].

You can find the video of this KStew-bitch-calling-debacle here. I know it was quite the buzz yesterday on Twitter and I'd bet my vagina that many other blogs have already covered this to some degree.

But two cents, remember? My turn. So listen to me, you silly little twit who totally fell flat on her face during her .25 seconds of fame.

I'm going to say right off the bat that KStew isn't a bitch. [I wonder how many times I can use the word 'bitch' in the post? I'm going with 'a lot']. Wanna know why?

Because she didn't slap the silly shit out of you, that's why.

First of all, you were so drunk you could barely speak. At least, I hope that was the case, because the only other option I can come up with is that you are legitimately handicapped in some way and I don't like making fun of the mentally handicapped. Well, not most of the time, anyway. You sounded really, really stupid. Way to go, Drunkosaurus Rex.

You sound kind of like this guy. Except he's funny and you are not.


It really doesn't matter what anyone thinks about Kristen Stewart [personally, I think this applies to EVERYONE]. KStew will still be rolling in loads of dough and the only thing better than that is rolling in the hay with this guy...

You could call me anything you wanted if I was half of Robsten 'cause I wouldn't be listening...

At the end of the day this whole incident is really quite minor and, for better or for worse, KStew is probably used to it by now. This girl will probably wake up with a killer hangover, have no idea what she did last night and then stumble over to YouTube and recognize her slurring voice.
Talk about a walk talk of shame.

Because, unlike KStew, Karma is a bitch.

38 comments:

  1. I don't care if she's a bitch or not. I just want to be in...actually, out of...her clothes for one glorious night wiht some Robby Goodness. *sigh*

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  2. Wow, what a nerve from that little Cunt-nugget to call KStew a bitch. Yes, I just said cunt-nugget. Again. And I don't even use the word cunt. Ever. Somebody stop me!

    She may not be miss congeniality but I have to say, after watching that disturbing video, both KStew and RPattz get kudos for being classy people, with unparalleled self-control for not getting out of the car and ninja-kicking the living crap out of everyone. And saving the Beatrix Kiddo moves for that lil maggot who called KStew a bitch.

    Ok, I feel better now.

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  3. fuck it, id pull out my inner biotch and beat the shit outta the little cunt face if i was in kstews spot. then again the dealing witht he cops, the media and summit would prob put a signifigant loss of time id get to be fucking rob's brains out!

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  4. Well said JJ and Jess. I don't even like to watch those kind of videos because the make ME feel like I am invading their personal space. There's a big difference for me between getting all slobbery and overheated over pics RPatz has POSED for versus ones that someone has taken as he's just going about his business. There are so many Twilight sites that post all that stalkerazzi shit and I just stay away completely.

    Your site is my #1 bookmark because you do stay away from all that...and you make me laugh so hard I cry. This week especially!

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  5. Yeah, I don't think you guys have to worry about topping OPattz, cos I'm wheezing here from laughing so hard! "I'm-actually-a-ninja-and-can-kick-your-ass juice" XD

    I'm generally a calm person, but I have a temper that got me in some shit when I was a teenager. So I might have gone all Bjork on that twatflap's ass and kicked the shit out of her. Kudos to KStew for keeping her cool. And kudos to RPattz just for existing...;P***

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  6. JJ, I bow down to you and your dirty mouth! Ya, if I were a celebrity (like I am in my own mind), I'd have to open up a giant can of whoop-ass on any dirty whore that laid out the 'bitch' on me. She would regret the day she was pushed out her mama's vagina!

    Oh and loved: "Maybe I'd call 'em out on it, depending on my level of whiskey [aka "I'm-actually-a-ninja-and-can-kick-your-ass" juice] consumption."

    I also get fucking balls the size of Texas when I've been drinking!!

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  7. this has me wondering...did you guys make a conscious decision not to post the stalkerazzi stuff or it's just never funny enough?

    also, thank you for knowing that 'a lot' is two words. so refreshing.

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  8. Now who really in their right mind would yell obscenities to a celebrity. Talk about classless. If I were KStew and I was premenstrual and also drunk, then I'd threw a fork at her forehead.(cause if I were drunk, that's probably the most likely reaction, I'm not sure if the fork would bounce or actually damage her eye. I don't particularly have good aim, anyways... LOL!)

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  9. OK I have done my fair share of KStew bashing in my blog (and maybe here, but I am too lazy to check on that statistic)but how does any of us really know what any of these actors are like in person?
    My opinions about KStew are generally regarding her "acting" (and I use that term loosely).

    I mean seriously, I didn't even watch the video, but I can about guess that the drunk twit would probably give her left liver to hang with KStew and is just jealous as crap that the "bitch" gets to go home with the hottest hottie ever.

    I mean puh-lease...that is why we dignified folks hang out here....

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  10. hmm... Well, this is all news to me, JJ. I haven't watched the video and honestly, I have no intentions to do so. I can only imagine the fuckery involved... *cringes*

    I've always liked Kristen. I know it's not popular, *shrugs* I really don't care. And to further that, I could give two flying fucks if "Robsten" exists. But that's neither here or there.

    Either way, as always, you made me laugh like crazy, brought joy to my life and you impressed Anonymous with your stellar grammar ways. I'd call that an over all win win situation. Ya dig? *evil grin*

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  11. I'm not a huge fan of KStew I think she looks depressed all the time. I don't think it would hurt her (or maybe it would) to smile every now and then.. I mean she basically has the hottest man on the Earth attached to her hip and has the best job in the world. But that being said I do have respect for her to be able to do a good job in playing Bella and bringing my, well some say obsession I say passion to life.

    In my opinion the c**t nugget is a gutless wonder.. Its real heroic of her saying it as the car pulls away.... I just wanna slap her for being gutless..

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  12. I've been a big fan of Kristen since Panic Room and Zathura, I'm not a huge fan of her Bella though, mostly because she interprets Bella way differently than I do. Regardless, she seems really nice as a person as well as a good actress.

    Beyond any of that, I could NEVER imagine calling someone I don't even know a bitch for no reason. It's just not me.

    If sober, I would totally ignore it if anyone said that to me, if drunk, I would probably say something back.

    I like how the girl didn't say anything until they were in the car and practically pulling out, yeah, that's some chutzpa!

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  13. Way to go Sista JJ! I don't know why I wrote that but it just rolled from my brain to my fingers. Twatwipe indeed. So gross. As Mr. Vitamin R always says, "Just remember honey, 49.9% of people are below average intelligence." ...and then when you add alcohol to that things get really frightening.

    KStew is not my fave but I certainly don't know her and I give her points solely due to the fact that Rob seems to dig her. People are often not as they appear--I have cracked a lot of crusty personality shells and some of those people have become my most devoted and bestest friends. Go figure.

    Twatwipe=FAIL

    Nighty night Twitards.

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  14. Not that I'd want it screamed at me from a total stranger, but I used to have a license plate frame that said: "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing" I got rid of it when I became a 'respectable' mommy but I still wear my inner bitch badge with pride.

    Maybe Kristen heard the twattwit and said "Why thank you! Oh, wait - look who I'm with tonight!? Who's the bitch now?"

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  15. What is the bitch caller holding? Glasses? From the bar? I'm confused. I don't care. I wanna go home.

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  16. I think you've got the right idea Suzspetals! KStew actually handled herself well by not going postal on her ass. Gotta give her credit for that.

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  17. Pft! If I'd been her, I'd told that person "that's ms bitch to you!!" while simultaneously palming a tit a blowing them a kiss. (I've done this several times when being called a bitch actually LOL)

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  18. I just love your verbal diarrhea... twat wipe? classic! Kristen can be a bitch if she wants to - well, because she can! Like anyone of us here at one point or another. But the so-called name-calling was unwarranted.

    It's just plain and simple, the drunk twat got issues.

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  19. KStew's POV:

    "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but you twat-flap, coward c**t-f**k, sorry ass excuse for a vagina, calling me a bitch when I'm in the car driving away, will never be ME!!! You're not really jea-lust that I'm going home with The-Hottest-Man-On-This-Planet are you? Actually, you're right, I am a bitch! I'm a bitch-in-heat, and guess who has my bone??? Naanee naanee booboo you can not have him"!!!

    Kudo's x2 to RPattz & KStew for being classy and stayin' cool. JJ & STY you two are the bomb!!

    v/w: eurinal; as in twat-flap eur anal!!!

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  20. i love your blog. thanks for making my morning!

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  21. dr. steve breul has the best advice.
    My son's friends all just returned to their college campuses, but all summer long they spent every night at our home eating massive amounts of food and watching this show. I'm not kidding...every night.
    :)

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  22. You freakin' crack me up somethin' serious! Fucknugget...tee hee!! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

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  23. So funny (i.e. "the only other option I can come up with is that you are legitimately handicapped in some way and I don't like making fun of the mentally handicapped...) But, seriously folks, the whole incident made me kinda angry too. Girls like that drunk-ho make the whole gender look bad. Love to KStew for ignoring her. I would have punched her lights out...

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  24. This made me soooo mad! An eye-witness who was there apparently saw Rob go to get out of the taxi - I'd've LOVED to see him slap the shit out of that mouthy dumbass - no better way to sober her right up than to have the object of her ROBsession telling her what a worthless human being she is... if only!
    - Lorabell

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  25. I don't have any opinions either way about KStew or Robsten, but I have to say I've always admired her whole "don't give a shit what I look like when I'm living my own life" approach.

    Some of us just didn't get the well put together, makeup and accessories gene, and apparently she's one of them.

    I'm not busting on her at all. I think she's a beautiful woman. I'm just saying I think it's great she looks like a normal shmo when she's out doing her own thing.

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  26. Kristen can be all the bitch she wants, apparently that's the catnip for RPattz. Wish I was in her shoes.

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  27. I saw a video taken by someone else that night and after the car pulled away it sounded like some of the fans were going to give her an additude adjustment.

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  28. I really like your post! when I saw that video I felt so bad...I wished I could do something: for example be there to jump the stupid girl out of her skin! what the hell is goin' on with people??!! damn!

    sorry if my english isn't perfect. it's not my first language ;)

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  29. That chick was simply a drunk fucking moron. I'm very vocal about how much I HATE Kstew's acting in Twilight and that I believe her to be perma-stoned but I hope I"m never drunk enough to yell derogatory comments at celebrities.

    PS-sorry I've been MIA, I've been lost in fanfic land- CWIA to be exact.

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  30. @ Jess
    "Cunt-nugget "


    Yep, I'm so adding that one to my vocab! *lmao*

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  31. I'm personally not a fan of Kristen's Bella, but yelling at her and calling her a B**** was over doing it. Beyond the fact that the girl doesn't know her, and the high probability that she was no more than jealous that Kristen has Rob, it doesn't say much on her character. Tendancy to get drunk and curse at celebrities while they drive away? Not something that yells "keeper."
    This post, like all of the others, had me rolling. Whew! THIS is why I come here daily. ;]

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  32. I didn't watch the video either, no need to. I'm sure that little uber bitch (I don't even know what that means) made enough of a fool of herself that I most definitely do not need to see it. Like others before me have said, I'm not the biggest KStew fan but Rob is so there must be something awesome about her - so does that mean I'm completely in love with and obsessed with Kristen via Rob? I love Rob = He loves Kristen = I love Kristen? Uh-oh this could end badly with a murder / suicide. Someone help.

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  33. JJ, did you just call yourself a "chubby little nobody" in this post? LMAO. if you're chubby, i'm a fucking whale.

    my fav part of the video was actually the end when someone (possibly drunkasaurusrex) exclaims, "i don't give a fuck! i just want to go home!" and it sounds like she's going to start crying. AWESOME. lol

    and OH-EM-EFF-GEE. let me just say, finding random pubes in the bathrooms in your work place is the worst. nasty. i can't stop myself from wondering whose pube it is. weird, i know. but i WORK WITH THESE PEOPLE. i see them every day. and i just saw one of their pubes. *shiver*

    anyway. i'm with you, if i were kristen (or any famous person that encountered a random drunk bitch like that) i'd totally fucking deck her. WHA-PAM! (that was the sound of me punching someone, comic-book-noise-style).

    ok, i'm done. i have a fucking paper to write. needless to say, since i'm a twitard and can't stop reading twiblogs (mostly twitarded though) and fanfiction, i probably won't get this thing done tonight. FUCK MEEEEEEEEE (ROB)!

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  34. So funny (i.e. "the only other option I can come up with is that you are legitimately handicapped in some way and I don't like making fun of the mentally handicapped...) But, seriously folks, the whole incident made me kinda angry too. Girls like that drunk-ho make the whole gender look bad. Love to KStew for ignoring her. I would have punched her lights out...

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  35. dr. steve breul has the best advice.
    My son's friends all just returned to their college campuses, but all summer long they spent every night at our home eating massive amounts of food and watching this show. I'm not kidding...every night.
    :)

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  36. Pft! If I'd been her, I'd told that person "that's ms bitch to you!!" while simultaneously palming a tit a blowing them a kiss. (I've done this several times when being called a bitch actually LOL)

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  37. I just love your verbal diarrhea... twat wipe? classic! Kristen can be a bitch if she wants to - well, because she can! Like anyone of us here at one point or another. But the so-called name-calling was unwarranted.

    It's just plain and simple, the drunk twat got issues.

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