My older sister and only sibling - Sister Snarky - just celebrated her birthday this week. Since I got her completely addicted to Twilight and have left her to suffer in solitude in the 'burbs of northern New Jersey without a Twi-partner-in-crime , I feel a certain obligation to provide her with frequent fixes of all things Twilight. We've gotten a lot closer since I turned her to the Twi-side, and although we gave up making a big to-do about birthdays (ours are within a week of each other) and presents years ago, I wanted to do something suitably Twitarded to mark the occasion. I thought this was going to be a piece of cake [birthday pun-y thing intended], but instead it's turned into an ongoing epic quest for the perfect birthday card. And by "perfect," I of course mean one with Edward's mug on it.
This one's swell, too!! Really, I'll take any one... Just gimme!
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems... I am not much of a planner and always erroneously think that most stuff will be easier than it actually is, and this was no different: stop at store on my way home from work, pick up Twi/Edward b-day card, done! Easy-peasy - right?! Wrong. I DID stop at the store. Granted, I lied to Sister Snarky and told her it was a Hallmark store when really it was a drugstore that carried Hallmark, but c'mon - it's where I bought my Twilight Halloween card, so I thought I was all set. Um, no... So instead, I bought this! I thought it was funny and even Mr. Snarky thought it was clever and he doesn't think just any ol' think is clever, you know?
I popped this in the mail the day before her birthday (no worries - we are both in NJ) and waited for the accolades to pour in. And waited. And waited... I called Sister Snarky that evening; she was not happy...
STY: Happy Birthday!!! Did you get my card?!
Sister Snarky: Uh, yeah... I got it... The mail came today and I did a little happy-dance around the house chanting "I know what this iiiiis!" the entire time and then I open it and WTF?! That was NOT Edward!!! Johnny Depp is dead to me now. You did this to me! How could you?!
STY: Er, I thought it was funny! They didn't have any Twilight birthday cards! I looked! Really!!
SS: All I wanted was to FINALLY have one piece of Twilight paraphernalia that I could legitimately display without Mr. Sis Snarky getting on my case!! Before I even opened it, I had a place to hang it in my closet and I was planning on telling the Mr. that it made me think of you, not my hot vampire obsession. And you RUINED IT!
Crestfallen but not defeated, I decided I WOULD make this card dream come true for my sis. No matter what! Even if I totally knew she wouldn't be thinking of me AT ALL when she looked at it (I know she'd be thinking dirty thoughts about Edward and I am ok with that... I encourage it, really...).
So today I made a rare venture from my office at lunchtime to go to an actual Hallmark store to get the goods. Again, easy - right??? Um, no...
STY races down the highway to the Hallmark store, as usual way behind in all things work -related because I'd spent the whole morning doing other non-worky blog-related stuff... Since I'd lied to my sis before and had only been to a CVS to look for said Twilight card, my hopes were high. I walked in to a display of Halloween cards prominently displaying the Twi Halloween card - things looked good!
I looked at all the birthday cards. No Edward/Twilight in sight. I don't even know what I'm looking for but I know I will know it when I see it. I ask the nice lady who works there for help [you know, card-store-lady, they make bleach for that mustache, chickie–you are giving Charlie a run for his money!]
Card-Store Lady: Can I help you find something???
STY: My sister is not going to speak to me again until I find her a Twilight card.
CSL: [laughs – I think she gets it! yay!!] I’ll help you look… Twilight Zone, right??So I bought her this instead! And gave it a little bit of a modification so suit my needs. I just want her to know I care…
STY: [gah! she doesn’t get it] No – it’s a movie…
CSL: Oh… Is it a new movie? It must be one of those new movies… I don’t think we have that yet.
STY: [resisting temptation to stuff thirty seven singing High School Musical cards down her throat and finish her off with the Harry Potter card that is both musical AND a hologram] Yup, it’s a new movie… Sort of... Edward? Edward Cullen? No???
CSL: [blank stare; much blinking and hesitant smiling - I must have looked murderous...]
P.S. Hey!! People who have Hallmark connections who told me I would be swimming in vats of Twilight merch the second it became available!! Yes. you know who you are!!! Hellooooo?!? A little help here, please??? Can someone hook a Twitard up? Because Thanksgiving is going to be mighty chilly this year if I don't come through with this card... I see myself with a plate holding nothing more than a gigantic turkey heinie. No stuffing, no mashed potatoes, definitely no gravy. And don't think Sister Snarly won't go there, because she will, believe you me.
To be continued...