This is going to be a really random post and Jenny Jerkface is going to tell me it's too long, but bear with me!
First off, I'd like to thank Twitarded reader Patches for sending me a picture of her Twitard-O'-Lantern [above] - she and a few friends got together one night recently, fixed themselves some cocktails, and broke out the pumpkin carving knives. Amazingly, everyone ended the evening with their digits intact and nothing was spilled but booze and pumpkin guts. She got creative and decided to declare her Twitard self to the masses on Halloween - now that's out of the Twi closet! I'm impressed...
I'm actually going to a Halloween party tonight...and I think I'm gonna go dressed as Bella. This wasn't my original intention... Like every year before this, I always tell myself that I am NOT getting dressed up in a costume (I'm not a party-pooper; I'm just lazy and not very creative). And then I end up getting invited to a party (or throwing one) and everyone decides to get dressed up and at the very last possible second I decide that I should wear a costume and I wind up at the stupid Halloween store on 10/31 fighting with a bunch of other idiots over the last pair of shitty, over-priced vampire fangs in the place. But not this year! I was laying in bed earlier trying to figure out a way out of this predicament and it occurred to me that I DO own a Bella dress. And a full-size Edward. And I am not opposed to donning a wig or dyeing my hair brown (been there). Plus it's an excuse to go buy a pair of cute new sneakers. Bonus! Too bad I will look like a total fat cow standing next to NM FSE because he's turned sideways and is just a little slip of a thing [note: I would probably look like a big fat cow standing next to Robert Pattinson, too, but I'll never know since I am expecting the restraining order to be served any moment now but more on that in a sec...].
SO! I am going dressed as a character who most people my age won't recognize in an outfit from a movie that hasn't even been released yet [19 days!!! GAH!!!] and I'll be drunk and toting around a huge chunk of cardboard, but what the hell - sounds like a fun way to spend a night, right???
[I promise that when this whole thing blows over, you will never see the word "panty" here ever EVER again - pinkie swear!]
If you haven't been on Twitter and following me and Jenny Jerkface, you missed a lot! Just in general, you should be on Twitter. I used to think it was useless/stupid/a total waste of time but now I am addicted plus it's only 140 characters a pop with hardly any bells and whistles to figure out so even a total technophobe loser like me can figure it out--it's THAT easy! But here's a little recap: the Edward undies have been EVERYWHERE [which is what they are--"Edward undies"; it's a shame that "Pattinson Panties" has a better ring to it because that definitely ups the creepy factor somehow imho]. If they were really traveling and not just blazing 'round the internets, they'd be all dirty and tatty and I'd have no choice but to burn the slutty bits and give them a dignified [ha!] burial or something. But they are safely tucked away along with my other Twi merch.
I'm not going to link back here, but in some way, shape or form, they've been on Perez Hilton, DListed, E!'s The Awful Truth [complete with a "would you wear these or should they be for KStew only?" poll - last time I checked, it was 37% "yay" and 63% "nay"], Best Week Ever, The Huffington Post [no shit], Jezebel, a gazillion international sites that I can't read but I can make out words like "sparkle dildo," Celebuzz, Socialite Life, Suicide Girls, MTV [with the tag-line "for the woman who has everything...except Robert Pattinson's icy, undead stare embroidered onto the front of her underwear"], Bust, The Frisky, Videogum, and some site called "Bloody Disgusting." We've been all over the Twidom and beyond to IMDB blogs, mommy blogs, Buffy blogs, all over livejournal and facebook...
Someone even made these Lestat Undie mock-ups! I'll make an exception and link back to Videogum because even though they called us "gross," they were funny... And we ARE gross. Sometimes.
I found these next to a pic of the Pattinson panties on 107.5 KLZ's site - yup - we even made the radio, folks! Another (Australian) radio station put us on their "Daily Dirt" web page with the line "Twilight hysteria is heading downstairs..." - oh and in general, these things are HUGE in Australia! And did I mention that they are splattered all over gay sites, too? Um, yeah...
Well, you get the idea. They've gotten around. If you do a Google search, there are now over 300,000 results. Both JJ and I have had people forward them to us! I even had someone send me a link about something Twilight-related but unrelated to the undies and when I clicked on it, there they were on the sidebar with the words "Going Viral NOW!" emblazoned above them.
Most of the comments in the blogoshpere at large are...not nice. And we get the "ew!" factor - we do! - that's part of what makes them so freaking funny! We just never expected that the ha-ha would leave our dirty little corner of the Twidom...
In an even more curious and potentially disturbing turn of events, in the midst of a massive tweet-fest over how wild and massive this whole thing was getting, we got the following email from Red Bella [who made them] -
Red Bella: Should I be freaked out that "The Ellen Show" is now following me on Twitter?!So there you have it... We figure that "the man himself" has already seen them [gulp], and now it looks like there is the distinct possibility that he could find himself confronted with them when he's on The Ellen Show on 11/20 (or at least that's when the episode airs). That's really the only part of this whole thing that we are sorry about or find regrettable! We only hope that he has the sense of humor we think he does and isn't too freaked out. I know we've said it before, but WE'RE SORRY, ROBERT PATTINSON!!! Oh and if anyone knows how we can send him a sincere apology that might actually have a possibility of getting to him (a la "the Stoli shirt"), please email us. Really. We'll even send the only two pairs of these in existence to him if he wants us to [JJ's note - Speak for yourself, bitch]. He and Kristen Stewart can dance around their suite at the Chateau Marmont with them on their heads and then they can throw them into the fireplace and laugh over it and then go have more amazing sex. Or something like that.
Snarkier Than You: Um, yes - you should be very freaked out!!!!
Jenny Jerkface: WHAT?!!!!! THUD.