[Note to people I am related to and those that might find material about sex offensive - neither of you should be on this blog in the first place so...SHOO! And if you're slow on the uptake and the 'gasm' in the title didn't tip you off, this post is about smut.]
Porn. Smut. Naughty stories. Jerk-off material. Whatever you call 'em, I fucking love 'em.
That's right, I said it. I. Love. Smut. And I'm not talking those romance stories where Fabio thrusts his 'sword of love' into the heroine's quivering mound. Fuck that shit. I'm talking clits and cocks, pussies and cunts. None of that namby-pamby 'love cave' shit.
I'm not sure how old I was the first time I got my hands on a dirty story but I knew the second I started reading that I was on to something, mainly because my vagina told me so and trust me, when she likes something, I don't stop doing it.
Anais Nin, Henry Miller, The Pearl, The Story of O, I devoured it all and then some. Needless to say, I was
Until I discovered fan fiction.
I find it somewhat humorous that a series dedicated to abstinence before marriage has sparked such a... plethora of sexily slutty fan fiction. I'm a total whore when it comes to this particular genre and have been gobbling up every recommendation I've received. In return, we try to pass the hard cocks and hot sex scenes around to you folks.
There is so much hotness out there in fanfic world - Darkward, Tattward, Mafiaward, Beautiful Bastard and... you get the idea. I could go on and on about the uber smexiness of the various fan fiction Edwards that are just itching to get into Bella's pants. Meow, kitty. I mean, there is so much clit licking, cock sucking, pumping, thrusting and power plays going on out there in fan fiction land I almost had an orgasm just thinking about it.
Now, we've talked about sex, toys and fan fiction here, here and here. Oh, and I also managed to get the shit scared out of me in an adult store once, not to mention the Vampsicle and the resulting embarrassing Mommy (not a)Jerkface vs. the Sparkle Peen. Shit, I even have my own fan fiction, even though it pales in comparison to a lot that is out there.
What I have not talked about is my new discovery. As usual, I'm sure the rest of you have already been listening to these ladies since their inception but I am always woefully behind the times. Maybe I should spend more time trolling the internet and less time masturbating or something. I kid, I kid! Ahem. Sort of.
I am speaking of the glorious, sluttiest and funniest bitches I've ever listened to. These ladies are SO funny I can't even listen to them when I'm out and about; otherwise, I'd look like a total fucking fruit loop guffawing and snorting over their podcast. Even ML chuckles but mostly I think he's horrified. I'm always amazed that men somehow think all women are delicate little flowers. I'd venture to guess we are far more pervy than men.
Holy fucking fuck are these ladies ridiculously clever and they also pen some of the greatest fan fiction I've ever read. The first time I read The Office I was, um, in the office and was literally writhing around, practically dry fucking my chair. As usual, I didn't think shit through before I dove into it. Nevertheless, it was worth it.
Anyhoo. You must check these ladies out (See? There was a point to this post!). They have a podcast thingy! And if I knew how the hell to link that I would. But I don't because I suck. But they don't! Well, I suspect they do suck but not in the bad way... You get the idea.
Side note - ML just walked by, looked at the half naked chicky pics and gave me a raised eyebrow. I'm outta here... Hopefully we can re-enact some scenes from The Office...