Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Twitarded Likes Twigasm

It's fan fiction time...

[Note to people I am related to and those that might find material about sex offensive - neither of you should be on this blog in the first place so...SHOO! And if you're slow on the uptake and the 'gasm' in the title didn't tip you off, this post is about smut.]

Porn. Smut. Naughty stories. Jerk-off material. Whatever you call 'em, I fucking love 'em.

That's right, I said it. I. Love. Smut. And I'm not talking those romance stories where Fabio thrusts his 'sword of love' into the heroine's quivering mound. Fuck that shit. I'm talking clits and cocks, pussies and cunts. None of that namby-pamby 'love cave' shit.

I'm not sure how old I was the first time I got my hands on a dirty story but I knew the second I started reading that I was on to something, mainly because my vagina told me so and trust me, when she likes something, I don't stop doing it.

Anais Nin, Henry Miller, The Pearl, The Story of O, I devoured it all and then some. Needless to say, I was all, what the fuck are you kidding me?! That's it?! a tad disappointed that the raciest thing in Twilight was a mother fucking leg hitch and some chewed up pillows.

If you haven't read her work, you neeeeeeed to. Your clitoris will thank you.

Until I discovered fan fiction.

I find it somewhat humorous that a series dedicated to abstinence before marriage has sparked such a... plethora of sexily slutty fan fiction. I'm a total whore when it comes to this particular genre and have been gobbling up every recommendation I've received. In return, we try to pass the hard cocks and hot sex scenes around to you folks.

There is so much hotness out there in fanfic world - Darkward, Tattward, Mafiaward, Beautiful Bastard and... you get the idea. I could go on and on about the uber smexiness of the various fan fiction Edwards that are just itching to get into Bella's pants. Meow, kitty. I mean, there is so much clit licking, cock sucking, pumping, thrusting and power plays going on out there in fan fiction land I almost had an orgasm just thinking about it.

Twilight fan fiction and the O face. Perfect together.

Now, we've talked about sex, toys and fan fiction here, here and here. Oh, and I also managed to get the shit scared out of me in an adult store once, not to mention the Vampsicle and the resulting embarrassing Mommy (not a)Jerkface vs. the Sparkle Peen. Shit, I even have my own fan fiction, even though it pales in comparison to a lot that is out there.

What I have not talked about is my new discovery. As usual, I'm sure the rest of you have already been listening to these ladies since their inception but I am always woefully behind the times. Maybe I should spend more time trolling the internet and less time masturbating or something. I kid, I kid! Ahem. Sort of.

I am speaking of the glorious, sluttiest and funniest bitches I've ever listened to. These ladies are SO funny I can't even listen to them when I'm out and about; otherwise, I'd look like a total fucking fruit loop guffawing and snorting over their podcast. Even ML chuckles but mostly I think he's horrified. I'm always amazed that men somehow think all women are delicate little flowers. I'd venture to guess we are far more pervy than men.

Anyway. Twigasm.

Holy fucking fuck are these ladies ridiculously clever and they also pen some of the greatest fan fiction I've ever read. The first time I read The Office I was, um, in the office and was literally writhing around, practically dry fucking my chair. As usual, I didn't think shit through before I dove into it. Nevertheless, it was worth it.

Anyhoo. You must check these ladies out (See? There was a point to this post!). They have a podcast thingy! And if I knew how the hell to link that I would. But I don't because I suck. But they don't! Well, I suspect they do suck but not in the bad way... You get the idea.

Side note - ML just walked by, looked at the half naked chicky pics and gave me a raised eyebrow. I'm outta here... Hopefully we can re-enact some scenes from The Office...


  1. LOLOL!!! I think I might have to take you up on your offer...I'm a twi-smut virgin...and I think you've convinced me to convert!!! I loved the way you "shoo"-ed away your relatives!!!!

    P.S....Am I the first post??? YIPPEE!!!

  2. LMAO

    I love the fact that wen I went on Twigasm Bon Jovi exploded thru my speakers! Sweeeeet.

  3. Yes, The Office and Clipped Wings and Inked Armor are my favorite Twi-smut right now and I even delve into the world of slash every now and again;)

  4. ......'mainly because my vagina told me so and trust me, when she likes something, I don't stop doing it.' Now that is one of your best penned quotes EVER right there my friend. Fuck you are funny. Never disregard the vagina.

    I am kind of new to all this smutty goodness. My BFF used to be all in to Anais Nin but I guess I was not truly in touch but holy shit am I catching up now. I am a total fanfic whore right along with you....I can't stop. I have dark circles under my eyes from all my late night reading. Oh, and my vagina likes it too!

    LatchkeyWife was just telling me to check out the Twigasm podcasts. I need a new freaking iPod because the one I paid $300 for died after only two freaking years and I am too pissed and cheap to get a new one. Dammit! I know I can put them on my computer but it is not the same. Sulk.

    Hope your 'scene' re-enactment went well.

  5. I came to fanfic via my Star Trek & Harry Potter friends and its only been 3 months but I'm hooked. I slipped and fell on to Twigasm Podcasts and I love it. I listen to the podcast in my apartment and I swear my neighbors get real quiet when I'm listening to it.

  6. I like Cocktails and Dreams fanfic too. I didn't think I would ever get into fanfic...I remember friends loving the Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfic but I couldn't get into it. Edward and Bella fanfic, though, is pretty amazing and now I think I understand what the big deal was. Have Wide Awake saved but haven't started it as people say they couldn't stop reading and I just can't do that to myself right now :)

  7. *sigh*. Beautiful Bastard. I love him SO much. He is very much like my own true to life DH so it's extra fun. Well, I love Tattward too. I check my email with baited breath hoping for updates. I am also reading Buried Among the Begonias but I do NOT rec that for the faint of heart- some seriously twisted shit in that one. I prolly shouldn't even admit to reading it LOL!

    That's it, I'm subscribing to their podcast. Why the fuck do I have an iPhone if I'm not gonna use it.

    PS-has everyone seen the new clip on iTunes? I suspect they have. Is everyone as worried about the actin. Abilities of the wolf pack as I am after watching it :-s

  8. Love this post. You know my mom's idea of teaching me about the birds and the bees? She handed me a Harlequin romance book when I was eleven. Of course, those namby pamby books were so woefully discreet, it took me a library card and a Jackie Collins novel to finally turn the lights on!

    So fuck yeah, praise be for FanFiction and the ladies who know how to write the stuff that makes our hoohahs sing. And thank YOU for your recommendations. After 24 years, I still have my library card...;p

  9. Sometimes I take the Twigasm to the gym and look like an effing imbecile cracking my shit up as I ride the stationary bike. Best bet is to take them on a long car ride, alone - so the person stopped at the light next to you has to clue that you are a dirty smut-lover h00r.

    Oh love those twigasm ladies something fierce.

    So Jenny, curious if you actually read it on your work comp? I'm so afraid of my IT people finding those sites. I am stealth and read on my black berry at work. Then writhe around on my chair and fan myself.

  10. My first foray into the world of smut.....way back when I was a tween (way before the word even existed) I used to read my Mom's Cosmopolitan mags - there were always these book club (you know buy 10 books for 1 cent deals) adverts - and some of these books had little stars by their titles - I read the fine print and saw that they had *gasp* S-E-X-U-A-L content! Immediately went to our public library and lo and behold they actually had a few titles.....that was all I needed to get me going (and boy did it get me going!!).

    FAST FORWARD.......

    My fan fic addiction started with "Wide Awake" and I have never looked back.......I have had to come up with a system to keep track of all the "in progress" fan fics that I am reading - and to keep all the 'blank'wards straight. I keep putting off my beloved Diana Gabaldon's new book (Outlander series) because every day I get new (squeeeeeee!) fan fic updates in my e-mail. It. Is. In-fucking-sane.! But I love it!!!

    vw: confsmza: my state of inebriation whilst reading fanfic

  11. Fab post JJ, PMSL! I'm fairly new to fanfic but had the best day one day last week. Me and my co-blogger on Twi-sted, Mary, started a conversation on Messenger then I sat reading The Office while she read 'Wide Awake'. The chat from that point basically went a long the lines of 'Fuck me! I can't believe he just did that!' 'Ssh!' 'Sorry'. Silence for 10 mins then repeat. In her words, if we were men we'd have been walking round with permanent boners.

    Hope the re-enactment went well. I did say to Mary that I suspected if Mr Stan tried any panty ripping on me that it might not go to plan as I think my underwear is possibly more, erm, substantial then Bella's. Anyway, she came up with the genius idea to loosen the seams with scissors first! Yet to try it, I think it will prob affect the spontaneity of the moment ;o)

    @Abigail, YES! Very worried! I want to love it but...*sigh*.

    V/W = shnima 'Sh, nIma trying to read some Pattinporn here!'

  12. i~gasp~can't even find the~gasp~words, to say, how fuckingmuch i~gasp~fuckinglove you bitches. i thought i was alone. you validate me completely, and i worship thee. i also add that 'The Office' is w/o a doubt the bestest shit I have ever read...yuuummmmmm.

  13. Shit, JJ, I got horny just reading your post. LoL. I dare not imagine how I'd feel reading the fanfic, gulp.

  14. oh, and how does one go about obtaining thier own FSE?? my umm...friend wants to know.

  15. Ive read most of the other popular fanfics, but havent gotten around to the office yet! ill do it now!

  16. Ooooh I will have to check it out. I'm even newer to FanFic than Stan, thanks for the links hun ;) I can't believe it took me soooo long to get around to reading them.
    I've had a fantastic couple of weeks reading a few of them, the filthier the better IMO. Mr Mary is loving the fact I'm reading smut :) He's definately reaping the benefits.

  17. Oh my! I just made the same mistake you did JJ, reading The Office at work. Jesus, it's fucking phenomenal. And the worst thing is not that I'm at the office now, but that it's my heaviest day of the period, which definitely is a turn off, and thus I won't unleash this energy on DH today. Sigh. Oh well, maybe the wait will make it even more exciting, LoL.

    @suckmywhat - you can buy FSE on amazon.com

  18. I downloaded their podcasts a few weeks ago and just got around to listening to the first one on Monday...in the office...these ladies are awesome...but not good when trying to keep professional facade. At least I am in a back corner mostly by myself, but I need to get control of my effing laughing. I try to cover it up by coughing, but then people think I'm coming down with H1N1 or something. Fail. Anyway, I'm thinking I need to go on a car trip so I can listen to the rest and only freak out people who feel compelled to watch others in their cars whilst driving. They deserve what they get those nosy bitches!

  19. DANG...thankee kindly for the sweet, sweet love! You know, we h00r it up at Twigasm HQ cuz it's the best job we've never had, and it's an amazing bonus to have so many incredible listeners on top of that. We appreciate each & every person who lets us entertain them, and we're over the moon when they take the time to drop us a line. *nods*

    We've got some great guests coming up, fun contests & giveaways, & a few new features we can't wait to unveil. We're hella happy that you're along for the ride, & soooo appreciate your love & pimpage.

    Moi x

  20. Oh hello! I am so glad you guys finally found the 'gasm. It's all sorts of smuttay goodness. They even have a Color Guard now! I won't detail all the specific fun that is on there (it would take too long!) but it's well worth the listen, and their Rec's are spot on as well. ONE NOTE: read some of Alice, Moi, Christina & Nina's fics. It makes it that much more interesting. I ADORE them for the smut, but I also really enjoy the writer/author/recommendation aspect.

    ALSO: iF YOU LISTEN & LIKE< BE SURE TO REVIEW THEM ON iTUNES!!!! It keeps them in one of the top spots, and after all the hard work they do, they deserve it!!!

    Yours in Tantus,

  21. haha love it!! I *LOVE* the Twigasm ladies sooo much!!! They are dirty and hilarious and can never get enough of 'em!! It's been a year since I've been addicted to Twilight fanfic and I haven't looked back...I feel ppl out (haha not like that) and let them, as fans, know that ppl are truly that talented and write fantastic stories using the characters we all love :)

    Everyone I get hooked ALWAYS reads The Office...idk how Christina does it, but I thank her for creating the BB :)

  22. My addiction got so bad I had to tell myself NO more on the computer! I wasn't getting any work done! I downloaded an AWESOME program that converts fanfiction to mobi files in two seconds and I can just plug in my Kindle and drop the files into my Kindle. Twi-porn on the go baby, and no one the wiser!

    My biggest problem is keeping them all straight. I am now trying to stick to complete stories...but the Office and the Training and CW&IA still own my arse!

    Any other smut titles out there that weren't mentioned in these comments?? Spill it ladies, these blog posts is where I get my leads! ;)

  23. Aaaahhh, the smutty goodness of fanfic....*sigh* Mr. Not So Smutty acts the ass when I tell him I have to finish a chapter before going to bed. Silly fucker doesn't complain once I'm in there trying to ravage his body *smirk*

  24. Now that I've got into reading smut I see Twilight as Dom/sub story. Edward is always in control keeping Bella down and off his dick. Waiting, building the tension, sleep with me but don't touch. She resists her sub position and almost breaks the bond when she allows herself to be attracted to studly do right Tay Tay. That's my current take and I hope the directors feel free to interpret freely.

  25. I have definitely found that I'm addicted to Twismut fanfiction. LOVE IT! Everything stops when I read a really great one like CWIA and Wide Awake. I have to thank TwiWeasel and VitaminR for introducing me to CWIA - a HUGE Shamwow Thank YOU to you both!!!

    I have to limit myself too... b/c I'd seriously get nothing done!

    I've heard about the Office many times, so I guess this sums it up... I must clear my calendar of all important activities for this weekend so I can cozy up to the Office with my shamwow. =))))

    And I'll save some time to listen to Twigasm - can't wait!

    Great post today JJ!!!

  26. Ok, so I've been avoiding fanfiction. I had this (apparently ridiculous) preconcieved notion that it was all juvenile, grammatically incorrect babble. So...I guess I should check it out. Let's see...I get home at 5:30pm...Mr. Lizardstew doesn't get home 'til 8 pm. Hmmmmm.

  27. @Lizardstew - WELCOME to fanfic and your life ceasing to exist! ;)

    @ all Twitards - which one should she read first? Wide Awake? the Office? Clipped Wings & Inked Armor? others?? I'm thinking Wide Awake (since it's completed - all 52 chapters). BUT, as I mentioned above, I haven't read the Office yet)..

    But damn...CW&IA is H.O.T. Mmmmm - Tattward...(it's just not finished so you have to wait like a panting and drooling dog-bitch for updates...which don't take that long, but still... it actually hurts to wait). ;)

  28. I love Twitarded for oh so many reasons, but definitely at the top of the list is that you lovely pervy ladies point me in the right direction to all things yummy. I learned about fanfic from your site, therefore of course you are both in my nightly prayers. With the new gift of Twigasm, I firmly am convinced that you all are the REAL Santa's. No shit.

  29. Ah, yes - I have been on a TwiSmut bender for about 2 months now... I. can. not. stop.

    Now I'm a little worried about getting a look at New Moon - knowing full well that Eddie doesn't have tatts and won't be impaling Bella with the 'ol anaconda... Oh, Tattward, how I love thee.

  30. PMSL @ "studly do right Tay Tay"!

    A Twichotic - you'd better take more than one Shamwow with you for The Office ;o). I've not read Wide Awake yet, but loved CW&IA and The Office - highly recommend either of these to anyone for starters. Oh, and I Love LA too for anyone who likes RL Pattinporn!

  31. Why did you do this to me?? I can't stop reading The Office now...holy f$@#k!! I should be doing 20 other things; instead my dog is watching me wondering what I am "doing" while I'm reading at my computer!! Yes, this is anonymous!

  32. I can totally understand you, JJ darling. Some of these ladies can really make you, ahem, get carried away. When I was younger (by that I mean before I read Wide Awake) I only read the innocent fanfiction type (Highschool boy-Eddie meets highschool girl-Bellie, they like each other and get permission from their parents/bff's/consciences before they start thinking about touching and only got so far as "fondling" (sic) before they saw sence. Fuck conservative writers. (They could be more inspired that way) So dull now, isn't it? But I was underage then, wasn't I?), but then (17 and 8 months) I came accross the magnificent Angst Goddess May She Grace Us With The Epi of WA And The Continuation of "Of Gemini And Gypsies" (BTW have you read "Whithering the Ferns"? It is quite lemony AND very intriguing. Link is angstgoddess003.livejournal.com/19068.html Instructions: You highlight the text above (supposing you can't do this, you go right before the first letter, you HOLD DOWN THE LEFT BUTTON and go to the last letter. Only then you can release the poor mouse's button. There you are, you highlighted a link!), you RIGHT click and select Copy. Then you go on your browser (that's Mozilla Firefox or Internet Explorer) and find a box where you write the web address. You erase anything that is written there with Backspace and RIGHT click on the now empty box and select Paste. Then you push Enter on the keyboard. (fuck, I should be writing PC tutorial books) I hope all this effort to explain on my behalf will make you go and read it, I thing it is DEFINATELY worth your time) Then (18 and 4 months old and proud of it) I came accross YOUR innocence-corrupting blog and completely lost my remaining spiritual virginity. There, are you happy? You should. You made a conservative, sexually unaware teenager turn into a liberated woman (in the good, the bad and surely the sexual way) that can recount 14 different ways to minister blow job (that come to mind now, if I think it over I am sure I can find more) and counltess, COUNTLESS ways, locations, positions and times to have sex, AND curse in English better and more creatively than she can on her mother language. And is most definately NOT ashamed of it all. Good job! Now I have become a fanfic whore as well and I couldn't be happier. I'm this close to making FanFiction.net my homepage. I'm even thinking to expand my, ahem, interests to non-Twi related, ahem, creations. Not that I would ever forget the Twi world which was my first. (come on, you know what I mean, I lost my spiritual innocence and virginity with Twilight smut, and the term should be meaning this too! Right?) All things considered, you opened up a whole new world of literature (IT IS!!!) to me and I'm glad that you did. It's another reason why I LOVE YOU GALS!!!
    My thanks to you both, Aspa.

    PS. I don't understand the humorous thing JJ mentioned. Twilight is not about abstinence, it is about repression. Abstinence is voluntary, isn't it? I don't think either of them really wanted to abstain. Now, with all this repressed emotions, an explosion was expected to happen sometime. SM did not satisfy the readers on this issue. So the readers took matters in, ahem, their own hands (pun soooooo intended - see, how slutty and dirty-mided you made me? Aren't you proud? If you had an eighteen year old daughter like me, wouldn't you be proud of her?) and the rest is history. Simple as that...

  33. @ Dangrdafne - I LOVE Cocktails and Dreams!! You must must must read WA!!

    @ Abigail - Seriously twisted shit, huh? *Buried Among the Begonias goes on my list*

    @ Stan - he doesn't need to know you cut the seams...but he will feel all manly when he rips them from your quivering body...

    @ Cass - As I told Twichotic about The Office today...Read it! Read it! You wild bitch!! Muahahaha!

    @ Twichotic - No probs chickie! Don't forget to ring out that Shamwow skirt between chapters...

    @ Lizardstew - I'm voting for Clipped Wings & Inked Armor. Mmmmm...love me some Tattward!

    @ Stan - You haven't read Wide Awake yet!? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. And I love LA is next on my list.

    I also like:
    Mr. Horrible
    The Submissive/The Dominant/The Training
    Letters to Gramercy
    And of course Stan's Natural Satellites & Shooting Stars...although it's not smutty...yet.

  34. Perhaps I should mention that a few of the recs above are not what you might refer to as Smutty McSmuttypants, but they're still good!

  35. @ Aspa - If I had an 18 year old daughter like you I would be afraid...very, very afraid. *grin*

  36. First of all I could kick my own ass for putting all those pictures on this post because it is making it very difficult for me to look at it at work. Way to think ahead, Jerkface.

    @Twi-Weasel - Do you sleep? I'm just wondering how the hell you find time to read all those fan fics. LOL!

    @Amy - The Santas of smut. Heh heh. I kinda like that.

    @Vitamin R - When the vagina speaketh, you shall listen. LOL!!

    You guys are such sluts. I love it!!

    @Anonymous - The Office will do that to you. The next thing you know a few days have gone by and your panties have dissolved. LOL!

    I love Buried Among the Begonias (twisted, for sure) Emancipation Proclamation (angsty) and pretty much all the other ones people have suggested. Edward Wallbanger is awesome too.

  37. @JJ - I thought the same thing (not about the ass kicking, but the pics...they are quite nice tho(!), but hard to view at work). I had to quickly scroll down to something safe like RPattz's croch from the previous blog.

    w/v word "acins" -- I'm acins for some good fanfic right about now!

  38. @ JJ - Edward wallbanger rocks and the DILF contest rocks too!!
    @TwiWeasel - Ha! You would, wouldn't you? Well, you never know.......

  39. For a FanFic Virgin, I think The Office is an excellent cherry popper!

  40. I read The Office yesterday and had to read the whole thing in one sitting. My god that rocked!!

  41. Too funny.

    And you're not behind the times... Since I get my updates from Twitarted I think you're quite ahead of me.

    Now, I have to try and find out how to listen to the Twigasm.

    And I do love me some Beautiful Bastard (got me looking for La Perla lingerie), Tattoed Edward, Angst Edward (Wide Awake: first fanfic, very addictive! I blame JJ and STY for introducing me), Wallbanger, JJ's Edward :) and Cocktails & Dreams Edward was also nice... Addicted? No. Hmm, do you think?

    @ Twichotic: Wide Awake is still missing the epilogue. It's agony waiting.

    @Lizardstew: if you start with Wide Awake just remember it's named that way for a reason... I was non-funtional 3 days, glued to the computer, reading. Red eyes, not enough sleep, growling all the time "the computer's MINE! DON'T touch it!"

    @eddiescherry : Hi there! Just going over to your site to figure out how to listen to your podcasts :)


  42. I love all the fan fic discussion cause Twismut & Twitarded absolutely OWN me. It's a wonder I can fit work in on the side. Thankfully, I gave up sleep a long time ago and that certainly helps.

    Due to the addictive nature of my personality (no... really??), I'm afraid to try the twigasm podcasts cause then I'm sure I'd never get anything done. I'm avoiding Facebook for fear of permanently getting lost there, but Twitter is manageable if I read but don't post (I heart updates from JJ & STY!).

    With all this talk of the BB, Tattward, Darkward & The Wallbanger... is it time to go home yet??

  43. @Selene - there's going to be a Wide Awake epilogue??? I did NOT know that! This makes me very happy!

  44. i've had an ipod touch ever since i started reading fanfic, and i don't know what i'd do without it. i'm too broke for the expensive data plans that come with the iphone/crackberry, so the itouch (uh-huh) is the perfect compromise. it's basically a mini-laptop that gives me fanfic access wherever there's wifi (work, home, bed...)

    at this point i've read so much fanfic that the actual twilight series is just a distant memory... SM gave us a good start, but you fanfic authors gave us the goods.

  45. @ JJ - I get the minimum amount of sleep needed to still function. I also drink a lot of coffee. And I spend a lot of work time well...not working. Like now (I gave the IT guy a hummer to look the other way...kidding!) BTW, had to do some quick mouse maneuvers to get past some of the pix today.

    @ Aspa - I have three little girls...and you've heard the saying "fruit doesn't fall far from the branches," right? I am afraid.

    @ Anonymous - You must also have a Shamwow skirt!! YAY!

    @ Twilove1 - I agree, let's go home and ignore our families so we can immerse ourself in the wonder that is Fan Fiction!

    @ Twichotic - You and me both!!

  46. I have been in love with Twigasm since episode 1 and I always squee when a new one comes out.

    Last one...

    The whole "Gold Digger" rap..."I am ain't sayin she's a buttlicker, I'm just sayin she's a fan ficcer"

    Bout drove my car off the road...

  47. It's 5:30 pm EDT, and I'm outta here! Homeward bound and time to introduce myself to Twigasm!!

    Thanks for the intro Twitards... I have a feeling I'm going to LOVE it!!!

  48. PLEASE MORE FANFIC! go on writing 15 step !!

  49. Since your last fanfic blog I`m addicted. I started with WA (same experience as selene, sleepless nights an being very possesive of my computer) and read all the others you suggested there. I actually found a story not mentioned here yet: "Work in Progress" by araeo (You`ll find it at fanfiction.net) It`s the funniest story I ever read, including Bellas dialogues with her ovaries, calling Edward`s best piece "their Precious". Now, when I`ll find time I`m going to check out the Twigasm Podcast because I know that I can trust your lady parts. Thank you for introducing me to fanfiction-world, it may cost sleep and time, but it`s totally worth it.

  50. @suckmywhat? - My FSE arrives tomorrow (yeah yeah yeah!). Just in time for 'Halloween' I'm telling people. Snort. He came from Nordstrom (online) of all places www.nordstrom.com . Hope your "friend" likes him!

  51. OME! I am totally going to buy the four books you mentioned. I just posted my first FF today and squeed like a little girl. It's hard writing that shit!
    p.s. Oh, here's the addy in case you wanna cruise by:
    p.s.s. LOVE your blog...you guys always make me pee my pants a little every day! *virtual hug*

  52. i rememeber my very first fic - it was a one shot called "he will never touch you like that". I was so flushed EVERYWHERE and IM'd LatchkeyWife to give her the goods. Yeah ..that's when I blossomed into a Pusher. haven't looked back!

    I haven't pulled all nighters since college or the first 3 lust filled weeks of new relationships..BUT now it's almost a regular thang thx to Rated M fanfiction!

    Think my first all nighter was Wide Awake..followed by The Best vamp-Human Smutty Fic THE LIST (on twilighted)..The Office is the best Smut from the get go I've read..But My WA,CW&IA & EP own me.
    Now a new fic called "the Blessing & the Curse" is my new obsession. think Modern day Wuthering Heights. I got this from @I_Luv_Spunk on twitter who was kind enough to respond to my tweet call fro a new FF. Fucking love twitter and you twi bitches all come through

    For light fun EDWARD WALLBANGER is a hoot. Love it. And Alice from Twigasm writes it!

    I also got me some slash goodies which i find surprisingly hot. I, too, trust my hoohah. and she likey. I even wrote my own one shot for a friend.

    I have listened to Twigasm at the gym..and I get me some looks because just like when I read a Twitarded post i am unable to stop the spurts of laugh gasms...the gasms come spewing forth as those girls know how to have a twi-party. dirty funny lay-dees makin us proud.

    Fuck-see..get me talkin FanFic and I can't shut the fuck up! TEAM TWIGASM! Ho!

  53. HOLY FUCK THE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!

    how could you send me to another incomplete story guys!!!! IM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT GAHHHHHHH IVE GONE ALL ANGSTY LIKE NEW MOON FML!!!

  54. Business first: I was involved in way more RL than I'm used to so I was a passer-by in the Summit Shitfest of '09 and wasn't able to chime in once. So sorry but glad to hear they scratched their balls, looked at their watches distractedly and walked away before any shots were fired. Assholes.

    Next: Thanks to your previously informative blog I googled my online name and found all my colorful posts on Twitarded and other sites. Since it's my semi-active blogsite in RL I thought I better change it - stat. I'm now goin' by 'TwiPetals' instead of Suz.etc... for my dirty little not-so-secret alt-life.

    Re: Smut/Fanfic. Man, I really tried to resist this shit since I'm a *cough* professional writer and expected to find only precious Twi-canon fucked around with by semi-literate, breathless fangirls. But I started with Wide Awake and almost lost a job staying up 2 nights straight reading. Here are my other "dammit-I'm-not-addicted-favorites" which are much the same - not surprisingly - as other Twitards. My main suggestion is to find a writer you like then look at THEIR favorites. My current list of crack:
    Wide Awake
    The Office (this chick writes so well!)
    The Dominant/Submissive/Training
    My Yes My No
    Emancipation Proclamation
    Creature of Habit
    Hills of Twilight
    A Little Crazy
    Memory in Blood
    La petite mort by houroflead (just change your underwear now for this one-shot)
    ...and my guilty confession: I don't care for tattoos and excessive piercings but after seeing so many rec's I gave in: now hopelessly hooked to "Clipped Wings & Inked Armor"... so sue me, I sold out. Just realized I wrote a novel after being MIA for 5 days. I'm done. Love all you girls!

  55. Shit - blogger confuses me: my new bloggy name should be TwiPetals. I'll try this again.

  56. @ Kintheflo: Blessing and the Curse is fan-fucking-tastic. the most gorgeous hallucinatory writing, an original premise, and love, love LOVE the sexy Darkward.

    I've been addicted to twismut now since about February, and must have read literally 100s of stories by now. apart from the usual WA, TO, CWIA, Sub/Dom, EP and TB&TC I can rec:

    * The Lost Boys (holy hell this is one hot Edward - I keep the lemons in a file next to my bed for 'inspiration'. the story is also completely unlike any other).

    * The Day The Earth Stood Still...mmmmmm panty-exploding and very sweet.

    * Abbraciare il Cantante (this is a terrific well-told story, and it's complete! - story by Brattyvamp)

    * Miss My Lion (this is like what *should* have happened at the end of New Moon if Bella wasn't a fucktard - written by Houroflead, so you know it's good)

    * If love could light a candle (also complete, and utterly, utterly brilliant. don't let the sappy title put you off.)

    * Also Creature of Habit, Bonne Foi... both are excellent.

    I should add that as I've read so much twific now, my standards are pretty high. I want something a bit different as well as clit-tingling.

    aaah twific, the gift that keeps on giving (orgasms)

  57. yay, anais! she has taught me SO MUCH.

    it's not surprising that the chasteness of twilight has sparked all this smut-tastic fanfiction. sexuality, when oppressed, comes back stronger and filther than ever! trust me, i live in the bible belt. our pregnancy rates are like whoa! haha.


  58. @Twichotic: I'm waiting for the epilogue also, though for some strange reason, although I have done all the steps (at least I think I did) to get the updates, I never do. Usually I have to check Live Journal everyday.... I hate waiting.

    @lisa: Thanks you! I've just upgraded my fanfic list. I'm glad your standards are high; it's a giving I'll be hooked!

  59. I may need to set up a spreadsheet to keep track of all my fanfic. Sounds like a good project to keep me busy at work today...

  60. @Twilove1 - I didn't do a spreadsheet but I do have a list with status' of read fic, waiting on updates and to read from rec's. It's so sad really.

    wv: moning - How did they know that's what I do when reading The Office or The Training?!

  61. @suzspetals - I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who needs a list to keep my fanfic world straight. Right now I have about a million post-it notes with story titles written on them and I leave them everywhere. Sometimes that makes for very interesting conversations.

  62. Thank you so much for this! Gah, I swear sometimes when we're recording we kind of get carried away and forget that a few people may actually be listening to our foul mouthed ramblings. It's awesome to see that we've caused giggles and gasps in so many fellow Twihards.


  63. @ JJ Wow!!! You've gotten comments from THE Eddiescherry and non other than tby789 herself author of The Office. I'd say you are hitten the big time in FanFic World...

    @tby789 Seriously, that was an evil cliffee in The Office. Hope you don't leave us hanging for too much longer.

    @fanficzombie I've been contemplating getting a kindle and after reading your comment I know for sure I'm going to get me one for Christmas. I was wondering if FanFic could be downloaded to one. So that is fuck awsome news, portable fanfic to go.

    I've just finished reading Let Your Light Shine and it's sequel A Life Extraordinary both written by LolaShoes. LYLS is about Edward & Bella's honeymoon. ALE takes place after their return from the honeymoon. I'm telling you, these two stories will have you asking the question: Is there such a thing as too many lemons? Have to hand it to the lovely and talented LolaShoes, she is an expert at writing luv scenes aka smut. These two stories are so very hawt! You will need ShamWowie panties or you'll risk slipping right out of your chairs.

    One final note, I read somewhere that FanFic is looking for people with great voices so they can start pod casting FanFic. They've already got a couple stories recorded. How cool is that? You'll be able to listen to your favorite FanFic while working out or driving. Can't wait.


Comments are our life now. Leave one!