Let me preface this by saying something to you all.
I totally fucking missed you. Hardcore. With the exception of a very drunk tweet a few nights ago until my reemergence this afternoon, I know I haven’t been around much these days. It’s killing me. Snarkier Than You has been awesome manning the blog and has only called me a twat-gobbler a couple of times for ditching her. However, when I gave her the options of helping me physically move or doing the blog without me for a few days she didn’t hesitate to pick the blog. My best friend is a smart cookie, what can I say. I couldn't even hold it against her. For long, anyway.
I have told more than a few people that I would not consider this house mine until I had the keys in my chubby little hand and pooped in the toilet (obviously. I mean, I’m disgusting but I know where to do number 2 at).
So yes, the house is most definitely mine now. A few times over.
ML and I are semi-settled into our new abode, which means that we can locate the wine bottle and opener and find our bed. Even FSE is here! Since being banished from STY's house late Saturday night (yes, we walked him across town), he’s been glaring maliciously at me from his corner in the living room and I still shriek every single time he comes into my field of vision. Sneaky fucker, that one.
Still, despite all the hub bub and bullshit that's been going on these past few days, I haven't forgotten about you. I've missed all the pictures and the news and RPattz jawporn... and it sucked.
Unfortunately, moving isn’t the only thing that has cock blocked me from Twiland. Not only is my little ferret-face sick but both ML and I caught some kind of plague that has essentially transformed me into a bitchy, walking, red-headed snot machine [note from STY: D'oh! You told me you DIDN"T have cooties when we accidentally swapped cocktails that night!!!].
Oh, and one more minor issue... WE HAVE NO FUCKING INTERNET YET.
Seriously, I think ML did this on purpose as payback for all those times I embarrassed the shit out of him in public or something. Who knew he would be mortified when I screamed down the aisle at the supermarket, "Hey! ML! You use the Preparation H Suppositories, right?!" or when I suggested (loudly) in line that the person in front of us "drink a bowl of [insert offensive/disgusting thing here because it's really quite versatile/interchangeable. I usually go for the STD's...]" because they were talking too loudly on their cell phones.
Regardless, I’m writing this in Word and not Blogger because of this very distressing lack of online contact. I will then have to go next door and offer sexual services for use of my new neighbor's computer. I kid, I kid. Sort of.
I almost gave STY’s laptop a lap dance a couple of nights ago when I went over there to watch a movie (which, clearly, was not watched). I finally stopped when poor Mr. Snarky threatened to separate us because I was giggling maniacally about something (I’m going to guess this is probably when I sent the drunk tweet). He’s a patient man but, if I feel like being honest, even I piss me off sometimes.
Anyway, no internets. No RPattz, no TwiCrack, nuthin’. STY called me earlier to tell me she was listening to the New Moon soundtrack and I was all “OMG, what the fuck are talking about?! I WANT TO LISTEN TOO!!!!” and then I curled up in the fetal position and rocked back and forth, whispering ‘Cablevision, Cablevision, Cablevision’ over and over again until ML came home and I tried to make him read Edward's dialogue in New Moon. Because we don't have a TV either. Needless to say, he said no, muttered something about me being fuck-ass nuts and disappeared into the basement.
Er, where was I?
Oh yeah, today was one of those days that I was excited to go to work. Crazy, right? Wrong.
Work = internet. Internet = Twiland. Twismut, Jawgasms, handporn, fan fiction, RPattz, Do Your Best Bella, whatever. I gobbled it up like it was a life sustenance. Which it kinda is.
Then I saw these pictures over at TwiCrack addict and my eyes melted right out of my head in some sort of ocular orgasm. Seriously, I want to sit on
So, yeah, I'd have more to say but I have to head back to the internet dead zone and STY needs her computer back so she can catch up on two weeks worth of emails.