Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My Demure and Delicate Sensibilities Have Been Offended...

How COULD you deceive me like this?!

As most of you know, New Moon is my favorite book of the Twilight saga. For reals. The whole October-November-I'm-sooooo-depressed thing almost made me cry the first twenty eight hundred times I read it. I heart me some reckless Bella even though there were times (many) that I wanted to slap the shit out of her and tell her to buck up already and get over it.

Sympathy isn't my strong suit.

Since I have no internet or television, the only entertainment I have besides raging on ML for neglecting to get the cable fucking transferred in the first place are my books. Which are still in boxes by the way - well, except that one.

Ah yes... New Moon. That book looks like I dragged it down Broadway a couple of times I've read it so many times. I mean, like, I don't know, a hundred trillion fucking times or something. [Queue dramatic orchestra music, please. Thanks]

I Googled 'Dramatic Orchestra' and this is what I got. The fuck? Random enough to leave in...

For some reason, despite reading it so many times, I never really noticed this little passage until now. Call me fickle, call me Queen Oblivious, call me what you will. Slow on the uptake, perhaps.

From the book (NM, pg. 517, if you're feeble, decrepit eyes can manage) - Edward and Bella are talking about the Volturi [I'm too lazy to look the whole thing up, do it yourself, dammit]:
"...They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you cross their minds again," he added lightly.

Horror washed through me.
Thirty.
[Climbs into extra-tight cranky pants] What the fucking fuck fuck? [Remember that dramatic music from before? You need it here, too. DON'T make me put that picture up again.]

Oooooh the horrors of turning thirty!

I officially want to shank** Bella Swan. Seriously.

Don't get me wrong, I know that this entire saga is geared towards the youngsters and not us old biddies and yes, when I was seventeen I was all, 'holy shit twenty five is ancient and thirty is decrepit' but I never really thought being thirty would be horrible. Then again, I'm kind of surprised I even made it to thirty so...

But this is my party and I'm going to cry if I want to. So wah.

Frankly, even when I hit my thirties, I didn't think 30 was so bad. I mean, thirty-somethings had a place to live that wasn't with their parents or 22 roommates and there weren't any cockroaches, dishes everywhere, vomit in the kitchen sink, or some strange dude passed out in your bathroom. Because that shizz is what you do in your twenties [please, please tell me I wasn't the only one. Well, besides me and my 22 roommates].

Ahhh, yes, my apartment in my twenties. Fun times, fun times... ++

Thirty means that being awake at six a.m. is no longer a 'mark in the party belt,' and the 'walk of shame' is when you walk from the bathroom back to your cubicle with your skirt tucked into your pantyhose.

Shiiiit. I think I just made thirty sound boring. It's not! There is no curfew (unless you call getting to work on time 'a curfew') and you don't have to answer to anyone! Except your boss, your spouse/SO, your kids, your mortgage broker....

HOLY FUCK!!!!

BELLA WAS RIGHT!!!!

Or was she?

[Thinks about it.... thinking... thinking... pours glass of wine...] Eureka! Seventeen year old bitches can't legally drink! Put that in your immortality bonnet and suck it!

Okay, that's fucking weak. Ahhhh, got it!! Statistically, women in their thirties have more orgasms than younger women.

If I had to choose between immortality and big O's... Oooooooo

That's IT!! Me and my almost thirty-two-year-old ass are going to soak in the tub with a glass of wine and read some fan fiction about how Isle Esme should have played out. Because, after all, Bella may have been on to something when she didn't want to grow old but with age comes wisdom.

And apparently orgasms.

Awesome...

**It occurred to me that not all of you are psychotic and may be naively unaware of what a shank it. Perhaps you thought I wanted to beat her to death with a shank steak - which actually sounds like doable, in my opinion. Anyhoo, if you look at the definition, I'm going for #7. Just sayin'...

++ No! This is actually NOT my old 20-something apartment. But mine would have been up there in the "eek!" factor.

66 comments:

  1. AMEN to that! I couldn't agree more the hangovers are about the only thing in your 30's that I wish I could do without! Or less alcohol but what fun would that be?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I did that multiple roommates thing in my late teens/early 20's. When the last roommate moved out, I decided that no amount of saving on rent was worth getting another freakin' roomie. Besides, the last one kept drinking my sodas and she never did any housework. Like I was supposed to do the housework? So no housework, no rooming with me - I am only willing to clean up after myself! I will admit to having a date with a 30-year-old guy when I was 23 and I thought that I oughtta listen to the local oldies station so we could have something to talk about. He just seemed so old! Now I'm a LOT older than 30. Gotta cringe over that mindset a little!

    veri work: goicke - isn't that the noise you make when you're about to throw up?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I want my 33 year old brain and my 21 year old body (and stamina.) *sigh* As long as we're wishing for shit we're not gonna get, I wish for Robert Pattinson in a wife beater, worn out buttonfly jeans (half way unbuttoned of course) and black doc martins. Oh, and for my husband and kids to be gone for the rest of the night.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I never thought I would mind getting older but I do!! The body goes to shit, my face no longer has a young, vibrant glow and I have no energy. When you are 20 you can eat what you want and not get fat, you can not do that in your 30's. And honestly I think I would rather have to answer to my parents than my kids. That shit is 24/7 with no breaks!!!
    @janigirl07- you are so right about the hangovers. It now takes me two full days to recover from a big night out.
    BUT the sex and the O's are much better (especially after reading some good TwiSmut)so it definitley has its perks!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Right on JJ! My 34 yr old unicorns are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than my 17 yr old and 20 yr old ones. They were more like little baby sheep with a teeny tiny party hat on back then..

    (perhaps the lemony fanfic helps...and of course my DH... oh, and the toys...yes the toys do help too... now where did I put that sparkle-peen???)

    ReplyDelete
  6. You guys crack me up. I can't believe I've been missing out on all this stimulating discussion time! Where have I been? Way out in Twispace! My eyes have been opened!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Bella was afraid of being 30 only because Edward would always remain 17. She was thinking about the resulting "Cougar" factor.

    Judgmental bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Um, I'm pretty sure that you (we) don't have to be offended by that particular line. I took it to mean that she's simply horrified that Edward would let the age gap between them widen that much.

    But yes, I agree, bed time is much, much more fun now!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Gawd, it's true. The sex, especially since Twilight, has been far more rockin' in my 30s than at any other time. I keep remembering how ridiculously insecure and self-important I was in my 20s, alongside all those other annoying roommates, and just how boringly narcissistic we all were. Being good in the sack is worth some maturity, though I wouldn't mind both the SO and I having our 20 year old bodies back. We didn't even have to TRY to look smokin' hot back then, now it's all exfoliation and exercise, and even then we're reaching pretty hard. But thanks to Twilight/Twismut/Edward/Robert, those 30 year old Os are well worth the time it took us to get here.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My 20's were a blur. My 30's however have been so much more fun! Poor Bella, she still has to get permission for being out late, sneaking a drink and running around with an older man! *wink*

    At 37, I can do whatever I want, drink Patron till the cows come home and still have me an older man! (well, he's only one year older & he crashes out really early so I can have my Rob time, so it's a win win situation!) And the O's are soooooooo much better...with age comes wisdom :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. If life were fair, we would be born really old and then would gradually get younger and hotter and have better sex and more money and make wiser choices (sometimes) and all that other stuff. It would be like Benjamin Button but it wouldn't make me cry or anything...

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm creeping into my 40s--very stealth-like. Like a cougar.

    Every once in a while I'd have moment of reality check with the Twi series: Wait. How old is Edward? And how old is Bella? Ewe. Wait. Why do vampires have to be in high school purgatory? (Wait. Why am I reading this series AGAIN?)

    Rob sings, “Never think.” Oh, I don’t, Rob. Trust me, I don’t.

    (Happiness = Twi-suspension of disbelief)

    One side effect to reading Twilight is that I've been steadily aging backwards since.

    By the time Nov. 20th rolls around, the theater workers should be asking where my adult supervision is since I’ll be the one jumping up and down, squeezing like an 8-year-old --

    or like this Kristin Wiig's SNL "Surprise Party" character, only instead of the party, replace it with "New Moon." I'm going to out my twitarded-self soon, I just know it. Somebody bitch-slap me now,please.

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/16388/saturday-night-live-surprise-party

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ah Shit! I'm in the wrong friggin' Twitard group... This is only for the 30 somethings? I'm in my 40s! Damn!

    Yes! The O's are so much better if the ol' man can get it up... (unless you have a young man! hehehe) But then, they say that's what those itty bitty blue pills are s'pose to be for right? I wouldn't know... haven't reached that point ... yet. *wink*

    And yes, I partied this last weekend and it took 2 days, maybe 3 to recover, but then I really don't know for sure cuz I am sick now... (felt sorry for my hosts tho... they cleaned up after me *blush*)

    But I have to agree @Rob's Bitch tho... I think that Bella was just afraid of being "grandma" to his teenager...

    **I can't believe I said all that**

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ Rob's Bitch - Nothin' wrong with being a cougar! Raawwwrrrr!

    @ JJ - OK, I'm totally not shitting you when I tell you that last weekend, we were at a wedding at this swanky place and on the way into the ceremony, I was walking behind my mom and fucked if she didn't have her fucking skirt tucked into the back of her panty hose. I nearly shit myself right then and there. Needless to say, we couldn't stop laughing about that shit all fucking night! The funny thing is that she'd been sporting that look since she left her house. I still bust a gut every time I think about it. I so wish I had thought to take a picture.

    ReplyDelete
  15. On my very early 20 I was stupid enough and got married and when I figure that he was a loser (which by the way it took no more than 6 months even if I did not quit the marriage until 3 yrs later ) I got my freedom back ...on my 30s I found the true love of my love and I tell you what I love my 40 I know who I am and what I want I'm not afraid to express my self and yes I feel power .Sex is incredible and I would not like to go back to my teens again no thanks...
    Girls I don't always leave a comment but I do always check the blocks and I love it .....

    ReplyDelete
  16. @STY I am with you on the Benjamin Button thing only without the freaky old baby shit. I wish I could go back to my 22 year old self with my current knowledge about life, careers, people, sex, men, etc. Alas I must make due with this aging, droopy bod but my stellar brain.

    @Rob's Bitch--I agree with you and even better that means Robward wasn't afraid of said cougar scenario. Score us. Sorry JJ I am a "glass half full" kind of girl.

    Oh, and FTR the better o's in your 30s is absolutely freakin' true--who would have thought? That or maybe it is just the fanfiction effect--if I were still in college I could write a freakin' these on the fanfiction effect. May the internet be with you JJ.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oops, typing too fast again--I meant thesis.....fuck me and my crazy fingers!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I felt the same way with all of Bella's 'aging' yip yap, except my language was not nearly as good as yours. ("fucking fuck fuck"---you slay me.) :D
    I was thinkin' at least go until 35hon', everyone will think you are the luckiest fuckin' chick on earth having a 17 year old FAWK-HOTTIE for a mate (okay, she's already the luckiest fictional girl on Earth, but she could be luckier).

    ReplyDelete
  19. JJ, a few things...

    1. You really are my evil Twi-twin.
    2. Get the fuck out of my head. It's getting crowded up in here.
    3. I would totally shank someone for that week old box of Shipley's donuts right now.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @Twi-Weasel--Ah! I too wish for the same. If your wish is granted tonight, can I PLEASE have him tomorrow night? No, make that next month, I'll need to work out intensly for the next 30 days, then I'll take him off your hands! :D

    ReplyDelete
  21. I remember getting really really really drunk on my 30th birthday because I thought that leaving my 20s meant I had to be a grown-up now.

    Then, I turned 40 and realized, "No I don't!"

    Oh....and the orgasm thing. They get even better in your 40s......

    Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm with Bella on this one. Sorry JJ. Ever year I get farther past 30 I freak the fuck out more!!! My DH keeps getting hotter, more manly, bigger muscles, etc and inevitably I get knocked up AGAIN (I have 3 kids now) and then my body gets more jacked up! Well fuck me! 3 months after this third baby -Esme- was born I turned 32 and I've been damn near mental ever since!

    So, I'm with Bella, I'm not aging gracefully I'm fighting it every step of the way!

    ReplyDelete
  23. JJ please. You're still a baby if you're only turning 32. Wait till you get to your later thirties like me. Shit that's when.. well. I'll keep my mouth shut. As for thirty somethings. We are too fucking cool for our own kind so revel in it. We have better taste in music and lived through Atari, Duran Duran, The first day MTV came on, etc.. So rock on with your bad self!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. @ Hon Girl - Video Killed the Radio Star baby!! I'm right there with ya!

    WV: "halmorts" - sounds like an old time department store.... "hey, where d'ya get those styling slacks?" "I got them at Halmorts!"

    ReplyDelete
  25. @ Vitamin R: Man, what I wouldn't give to go back to High School (forget college) with the confidence I have now. They wouldn't know what hit them.

    Come to think of it, I hang with the "in-crowd" of 20-somethings at work and they seem to want to keep me around. At first it seemed REALLY pathetic, but then I just decided to own it. I am that pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yeah, what @HG and @LKW wife said!

    ReplyDelete
  27. That's one thing that drove me nuts about the books. "ugghhhhh....change me...i don't wanna get old.....wahhh" However, I was probably just as bad about what I considered "old" at that age. I remember being 20, at a bar, and pissed out of my tree. I turned down a guy because, shock and horror, he was 27! I mean he was ancient right?

    I turn 28 next week. As much as my late teens early twenties were a riot. I wouldn't want to go back to that.

    p.s. glad to hear the orgasms get better.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I hate to be the debbie downer here...but there's one major flaw we're forgetting...

    Do we remember what the GUYS looked like when they were seventeen??? I'm talking 11th grade...zits, awkward growth spurts, sporadic facial hair. Granted, there were a few exceptions..

    I'm glad to be 20 something (and when i say something, I mean a number between 1 and 15) because the men are better looking now!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Well I am (ahem) over forty and when I get a chance to climb into that time machine I'm going back to my 30's -- not my 20's. , cuz in your 20's you're still stupid! At least I was. 30's rocked but because my kids were little the opportunity for sex is much greater now in my 40's, so more and better O's. :D

    btw once I get my 30 year old body I'm coming back to 2009 for some cougar lovin with Rob. I do not want to cross paths with zygote-Rob. (im getting Back-to-the-Future flashbacks)

    F Kat

    ReplyDelete
  30. hey its that apartment from here in houston/galveston after hurricane ike. oh, and i'm 28 turning 29 in february...late february...and i am dreading 30. ever since i turned 24 i dreaded. my sister is 37 and she loves it and can't wait to turn 40. i told her "i'm gonna be old, i'm gonna be 30." she said "i'm gonna be 40 what does that make me?" i said "really old" i wish i could imbrace my 30's like some of ya'll...maybe it has to do with the fact that i wasn't wild and crazy in my 20's. who knows. oh well...make room you old farts...i'm coming thru...

    ReplyDelete
  31. oh did you know that you can get gray pubes? yeah...i've got 2...

    ::sigh::

    ReplyDelete
  32. I cried all day when I turned 20. Yep, I wanted to be a teenager forever!

    When I turned 30 I was in a horrible marriage and miserable, but that's another story, one I tell when I'm drunk and emotional. Obviously, 30 was not a fun birthday for me either.

    I'm getting pretty damn close to 40 now an I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm super immature (obviously) and I don't think I look almost 40. I try to embarrass my son as much as possible by the way I dress and by my doofy behavior, but I live in suburban hell ruthlessly ruled by the PTA and soccer moms. Needless to say, I don't fit in. If Limbo really exists, it is most definitely a row of tract homes and HOAs because this place is dead and void of any type of culture or personality (other than me of course!)

    I guess I'll just ride it out and see what happens. I still fit in in the online society called Twitarded :)

    WV: sistor - I love all my Twitarded sistors!

    ReplyDelete
  33. When I was younger I thought WTF, its a number. Now I just turned 30 this year and I am freeking out. My parents are senior citizens. My mom had 4 kids when she was my age. I still single. And now Sexy and the City are people about my age. Now I know why people freak out. I'm one of them.

    ReplyDelete
  34. @mmMoxie

    I feel your pain...I have a twelve year old son that is taller than me...and I still get proofed when I buy alchohol...I do not look 35. They look at me like I had him when I was 12 or something!!I HATE the soccer mom/pta mom "cliques' and am always the "best dressed" at the teacher conference...oh well!! I see it as jealousy..and they can all stick it...because their husbands are looking at me.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Everyone needs to calm down.
    She doesn't think 30 is old ^^
    She just doesn't want to be thirty is Eddies staying 17.

    Calm down, old biddoes

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh yes, the forties are great. You have more freedom and multiple O's, fabulous, fantastic...you can almost turn inside out they are so strong. :) I wouldn't trade the 40's, nothing to fear all you young'uns. Only bad thing is that the guys are losing their hair...but you can always imagine Rob...... After all, isn't that why we are all here?

    ReplyDelete
  37. I *totally* agree with all you JJ -- in fact NM begins with Bella freaking out about being even one year older than him. But technically, Edward's an older man - he's 108 for fuck's sake! So the age thing is totally screwed up. I love how Rob noticed this, and when he was asked what inspired his performance he joked "Marlon Brando in 'Last Tango in Paris'".

    Hey I also realised recently when re-reading Twilight that Bella *is* essentially a 35yr old in a 17yr old body. she mothers Renee; going to Forks means she repeats all the stuff she's already done in highschool in Phoenix; apart from school before she meets Edward all she does is cook and clean and be a hausfrau for Charlie.

    so yeah, she's really just Smeyer's fantasy about going back in time and getting a hot boyfriend.

    And yeah I'm with all of you who say the Os are fab in your 30s - especially since Twilight/Rob they're super intense. my husband's jealous of my Os.

    ReplyDelete
  38. @HungryVampire - nope, you are in the right group - and in good company...

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  39. Nope you weren't along in creepy weird people in your apartment.
    My roommates and I freshman year of college had this guy who would sleep on the couch in our basement and I had no clue who he was. Friend of a friend kinda thing. We called him "Stinky Ken" because I would walk in the door after class and I could SMELL that he was there before I even saw him.

    Great post. 30 smirty...Bella can kiss my old ass.

    ReplyDelete
  40. We're with ya sister ;) Me and my 33-year-old-ass agree. I've always thought being in my 30s was better than my 20s. Maybe not everyone is stupid in their 20s ;) but I was. I like feeling more in control and knowing what I want out of life now. It far outweighs the stupidity that comes with being younger.

    ReplyDelete
  41. 38 year old former goth girl very much in suburbia, but can still see the lights of downtown at night *sigh*. It took me two years to figure out WTF Emo was..then I realized that it was goth, but I guess our name wasn't 'emo' enough. Whatever..I'll trip on that at some future acid flashback. My 20's, roomies galore, Saturday nights playing Frankenfurter at the RHPS and my best friend staying up with me til 5a.m. at the coffee shop so I could go to my job at the bagel shop. I would sleep from 2p.m. to 5p.m. and start all over again.

    Who can function on that kind of sleep, right??? oh, wait...how late was I up reading fanfic last night.. Holy hell, is this a flashback after all?? The twi-light zone for sure!

    @mmoxie..your comments made me click to your profile..I have to comment that Dusk by The The moves me like no other disc out there...

    ReplyDelete
  42. Once you hit your 40's you realize age is relative. You are only as old as you feel. Yes, the body breaks down some, which you can counteract with exercise, and you may forget things, but sometimes that's a good thing. I see some of these 80+ guys at the gym who truly are as young and happy as everyone else there. But more so because they are retired! Stay young in your heart by keeping up with new music and technology, and everything else will fall into place, the right way. (getting off soap box now)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Kay, I'm not sure how I feel about thirty yet (only five and a half years to go...) but I freaked out at twenty, and now I feel stupid about that. I'll probably be the same at thirty, freaking out, and then 'What the fuck was all the fuss about?'

    I was totally with Bella at first about the aging thing, but then I met a woman who used to work in my high school (I think she's fifty-ish) and her totally hot boyfriend who's only a few years older than me. Suck it up Bella and be glad you have a hot guy. It's more than I have...I'm gonna go ask Gwen (totally not her real name) if I can borrow hers.

    ReplyDelete
  44. @ Z Any Mouse Amen sister!

    Being in my late fortys isn't so bad, it does help that I've never looked my age. People have always thought that I am ten years younger. In my twenties that sucked, I'd get ID'd for everything even ciggaretts in a grocery store and guys would ask me if it was past my bedtime when I was out. Asswipe!

    Thirties weren't so bad, didn't get ID'd as much. The O's were so much better..

    But the forties are rocken ladies.. I'm a completely different person than I was in my twenties, more outgoing, snarky!

    So Bella can kiss my aged ass!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Sex at 17 = none.
    Sex at 30 = could hardly walk after that very special birthday weekend. LOVED the 30s. Orgasms AND better judgment.
    Now that I'm in my 40s I've had way more personal accomplishment than any other decade, and thanks to Twilight and Rob my libido is still alive and kicking. I too feel like I'm going backwards and I fucking love feeling like an idiot teenager when I can. I always dated older guys but now they're, well... old. So I would absolutely consider a younger one now, as long as he didn't talk too much and use words like emo.

    Also, that picture is what my house looks like since I discovered fan fiction. Truth.

    ReplyDelete
  46. k... im 23 years and 4 months old. im like right in the middle of a 17 year old bella and her 30 year old nightmare and i definitely see both sides of the coin. i like the freedom age brings, i like having my own life separate from my family. i have roommates but they are awesome and prefer living with people rather than alone. but i gotta agree with bella, with a little stipulation. its not the age i have a problem with its the "grown up" part. i HATE the responsibility that you get as you get older. bills, rent. loan payments, bosses, clocking in and out, taxes etc. seriously. fuck. that. shit. i cant comment to much on the sex because obviously i dont have any 30 year old sex to compare it to. i think
    i wanna go back to 21 and stay there forever. no responsibilities other than waking up at 10am 2 days a week for class and making some drawings a few nights a week for said classes and making sure my ass was at thirsty thursdays AYCD for $5 promptly at 9pm when that shit started and ladies night every tuesday. fuck i miss college. so yeah.... im not afraid of 30... im afraid of being "old".

    ReplyDelete
  47. Well how can I put it, well I'm 17 but trapped in 37 year old body so I can totally understand Edward's dilemma & Bella's concerns. I remind myself that Stephanie Meyer is over 30 and a mother of 3. my son is 12 and I totally lost my credibility after being twilighted & twitarded but it feels good doesn't it? blogging and feeling alive with every Saga related given tip, photo or joke. To JJ & STY if u were younger u wouldn't be here now..love

    ReplyDelete
  48. I'm 33 and LOVING life. I'm not one of those size 2skinny bitches who counts every last calorie because I'm old enough to have the self confidence to not give a fuck what people think, and old enough to know that men like something to grab on to.

    Women hit their sexual peak in their 30's and we are blessed to know the difference between sexy and slutty, and have the skills to create a wonderful mix of the two - because honestly who doesn't love that slutty part of them?? = )

    ReplyDelete
  49. You guys have NO IDEA how much better your posts have made me feel!! I have been having kind of an age crisis since I turned 44 this year. So far I've dealt with it by joining a gym, buying a new car, and going out with friends more, but I don't think I'm done yet. It certainly doesn't help to be lusting after a 23 year old guy and obsessing over teenage vampire books - I don't quite understand it, but I pity the person who tries to stop me.

    I'm Twitarded to the core, but secretly worried I was too old for you guys. My husband & kids don't know quite what to make of it all, but at least they don't call me a freak to my face. Oh wait, they do... but I guess I'm OK with it :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. @Twilove1 - Not to worry, I got you beat by 3 years. I just happen to be 24 in Twilight years. And from the looks of all these comments, Twitardia is friendly for ALL ages!

    ReplyDelete
  51. @Twilove1 - I am so there with you! Who the hell decided that your body gets older but your brain (while it does gain wisdom) still wants to be far younger then what the calendar says!!! It sucks....

    vw: "artubity"?? am fucking not!

    ReplyDelete
  52. I can't tell you how much it pleases me that there is a 20+ year age difference in some of you and we ALL still rock out with our clits out. I puffy heart all of you.

    I will admit that every once in awhile I feel a little... freaked out that I'm getting older. It's not often.

    I know that Bella's fear was getting older while Edward stayed the same way but then I went and got all philosophical about her fear of aging and it annoyed me. Then again, everything annoys me if I think too hard about it. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  53. Wait until your 40s...I'm 41 and I'll take my 40 year old Os over my 30 y/o ones anyday...nowadays I care more about getting mine than putting on a show for the giver ;)

    And for a most excellent interpretation of what SHOULD have happened on Isle Esme...may I recommend this lovely tale http://www.twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=3758

    ReplyDelete
  54. Oooohhhhhhhhhhh Yesssssssssssss Thirty forever thirty thirty thirty... but... can we take the migranes for luck of sleep after too many orgasms out of the equation? pretty please? ;)

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  55. uy... lack. lack of sleep I mean *blush blush* it is late over here and I am foreign (and ... old snif)

    ReplyDelete
  56. I can't stop laughing at the orgasm picture.

    ReplyDelete
  57. @ everyone, you all made me rofl! Nothing else I can add to what's been said. xx

    ReplyDelete
  58. @fanficzombie - Anyone who likes The The is automatically awesome in my book! Dusk is the disc I'd play while Rob and I make sweet, sweet love all night long.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I always heard that women reached their "peak" in their 30's, but I think I'm a late bloomer. In my 30's I was a new mom (one of my children; special needs), worked full time at a high stress job and commuted 45 minutes each way to get to that job. There wasn't a lot of "me" time. Now in my 40's, I've been laid off the job for over a year (sucky Cal. Real Estate market)and my children are late teens, (pretty much) able to take care of themselves. Isn't this the best time in the universe to be all cougariffic? Honestly, if I were 20 years younger it still wouldn't increase my odds of having the torrid affair with RPattz that I have in my mind. Hell as long as it's in my mind I AM 20 years younger. heh heh. And is it just my imagination or is pop culture really embracing this cougar demographic? There are two new TV series and I've seen sporadic "movies of the week" type thing all based on that premise. Anyway the whole reason for my comment is for the 20's and 30's out there who are apprehensive about getting older......I can tell you from personal experience that it's great! You all and this whole Twilight phenomenon have a lot to do with it, but still-- Nothing to worry about here, life gets better and better!

    F Kat

    ReplyDelete
  60. @Twilove1 - after I fell hard for all things Twilight, I thought I was experiencing some kind of reverse aging process....it had taken me 30 years to start acting like a 17 year old. (You do the math!) I was far too dignified a teenager to openly lust after anybody! But the confidence of age and much better O's awakened me to just how much fun this is! I like lusting after Rob! I like acting like a kid! And thanks to all you Twitards, I don't feel like I'm losing my marbles anymore.

    @mmMoxie and fanficzombie - I also love The The Dusk album (oops, there I go acting my age) - I mean CD. "When you're lustful, and you're lonely, and the heat is rising, rising, slowly" yeah, I can see why this would be playing if Robbie ever came to visit!

    @JJ - the bitch about aging is the body breakdown. I am SO much more confident and capable now than when I was in my 20's...it almost makes a fair trade off, esp. when God (?) threw in the bonus of better O's. I just wish my damn knees didn't make those creaky sounds when climbing stairs... :-0

    ReplyDelete
  61. "Put that in your immortality bonnet and suck it!" JJ - I adore you. It's just that simple!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Thanks for all the sage advice - you guys rock!! I'm so glad I don't have to try to explain the "Twilight thing" to any of you cause you already understand.

    @F-Cat, looking forward to meeting you to see NM cause it sounds like we have a lot in common.

    ReplyDelete
  63. hey its that apartment from here in houston/galveston after hurricane ike. oh, and i'm 28 turning 29 in february...late february...and i am dreading 30. ever since i turned 24 i dreaded. my sister is 37 and she loves it and can't wait to turn 40. i told her "i'm gonna be old, i'm gonna be 30." she said "i'm gonna be 40 what does that make me?" i said "really old" i wish i could imbrace my 30's like some of ya'll...maybe it has to do with the fact that i wasn't wild and crazy in my 20's. who knows. oh well...make room you old farts...i'm coming thru...

    ReplyDelete
  64. Sex at 17 = none.
    Sex at 30 = could hardly walk after that very special birthday weekend. LOVED the 30s. Orgasms AND better judgment.
    Now that I'm in my 40s I've had way more personal accomplishment than any other decade, and thanks to Twilight and Rob my libido is still alive and kicking. I too feel like I'm going backwards and I fucking love feeling like an idiot teenager when I can. I always dated older guys but now they're, well... old. So I would absolutely consider a younger one now, as long as he didn't talk too much and use words like emo.

    Also, that picture is what my house looks like since I discovered fan fiction. Truth.

    ReplyDelete
  65. I hate to be the debbie downer here...but there's one major flaw we're forgetting...

    Do we remember what the GUYS looked like when they were seventeen??? I'm talking 11th grade...zits, awkward growth spurts, sporadic facial hair. Granted, there were a few exceptions..

    I'm glad to be 20 something (and when i say something, I mean a number between 1 and 15) because the men are better looking now!!!

    ReplyDelete
  66. That's one thing that drove me nuts about the books. "ugghhhhh....change me...i don't wanna get old.....wahhh" However, I was probably just as bad about what I considered "old" at that age. I remember being 20, at a bar, and pissed out of my tree. I turned down a guy because, shock and horror, he was 27! I mean he was ancient right?

    I turn 28 next week. As much as my late teens early twenties were a riot. I wouldn't want to go back to that.

    p.s. glad to hear the orgasms get better.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!