Friday, October 2, 2009

Oops I Twi-tooted!! aka Twitarded Randomness

What the fuck is wrong with you?! That is SO disgusting...

Three things just happened in quick succession.

1) We hit 3000 hits for today
2) I pulled up another internet window and it was a picture of smexy Rob
3) I farted.

It wasn't my fault! I swear! I don't know if it was the combination of RPattz and 3K hits but I got so excited I totally ass-tooted.

I blame it on Rob Pattinson's ridiculous hotness. It was my butt's version of SQUEEEEE!!

Of course, ML was in the room. I think I'm supposed to care about this but I don't. Whenever he lets out a fart I yell 'I love you, too!'

We're close and snuggly like that.

Oh, and like Mr. Cutie - I'm still in Junior High.

62 comments:

  1. Oh JJ I love you so! It took me a whole minute to stop laughing from the title of the post before I could read the wonderment of your confession. I am Twi-tootin' righ with you girl! Darn Twitootin'.

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  2. @VitaminR - hey what was that other noise I heard??? Was it the sound of your blogger cherry being popped, for real?! Yes, indeed (sounded better than a fart, too, jftr)...

    Go & check it, folks! VitaminR & Latchkey Wife continue to duke it out for the ultimate prize: RPatts!

    http://latchkey-wife.blogspot.com/2009/10/mayday-mayday-ramblings-of-latchkey.html

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  3. "My butt's version of 'squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'!" I got the stick-eye from my DH just know b/c he's watching some silly Bio show on the mob and I just ga-fawed loudly and spit my wine out!

    Just the fact that you shared your toot with us Twitards is utterly hilarious! =)

    And congrats on the 3,000 hits today!

    My W/V is "pulables"...there's got to be something pervy with this word...but I'm mentally drained and am stumped.

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  4. Took me 5 whole minutes to stop laughing at that....*deep breath*. I love this blog!

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  5. Thank you! That was so funny I laughed until I cried and I really needed that being that I'm sick with a cold. That was seriously one of the funniest Twilight funnies I've ever seen! Thanks again and my sister and I love your site!

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  6. OMG I don't think I've seen that video. Fucking dying. That is too perfect and now when I watch Twilight, I'll be thinking of random farts.
    Oh and you farting JJ, your too cute. My hubby has always told me that for some one so petite my farts smelled like death. I can clear a fucking room and I don't know what's wrong with me but that's just how my body is. There I shared some twifartness with you. I fucking have rotten innards.
    Heart ya!

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  7. LMFAO - I totally yell that at my boy too!!!
    - Lorabell :D

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  8. I love how anything in the fandom and be linked to Twilight in some way. Just farted? Yea well Rob does that to me too.

    LOL

    And I love that we don't even have to think or try very hard to make Twilight/Rob connections.

    I hearts yous all

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  9. Pmsl as always here! Loved the vid too. Have to confess that I think most of those 3000 hits were probably me *blushes* It's been a slow day in stay at home mum land today, been frantically clicking around everywhere looking for snippets & laughs :o)

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  10. Dying! That was hilarious. The part with James at the end... My tummy hurts from laughing so hard, oh wait, no it's all better. LOL!

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  11. Fart humor and Twilight! My two favorite things! Seriously, I can't imagine how people handle not farting around their SO. Ahahaha! Speaking of farts Gigi (my dog) just farted on the hardwood floor and it made a noise!

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  12. Bwahahahaha! JJ, you are priceless! I love fart jokes & that video was one of the funniest things I've ever seen! OMG, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard! Love this blog SO much!

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  13. Let's see.... My Twi-dee sense tells me this post was written by....uh....."JJ"! Referencing bodily functions before I've even finished reading the title. Yep check. Your butt squee is hilarious. And I'm sure there's not a single thing that can't be somehow related back to Twilight, Edward, or Rob. That's the universe I live in.

    Hey sorry if this is redundant or just stupid, but what is PMSL??

    W/V: perypto but somehow all I'm seeing is pervy
    something or other...

    PS-Loved the VitaminR/LKW post!! ;D

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  14. Oh fuck that video is awesome. No many how many times I see it - I always nearly pee myself. Fortunately I now know that before coming to Twitarded that I should be beverage-free (well..maybe except for booze) and that I have to have peed within the last 20 min.

    Also 3000 hits in one day - is fucking awesomeness in a can!

    @kitty elvis - my cat just dropped dropped the biggest bomb. That cat can clear a room - actually I heard it across the room. It's awful. So small but yet so smelly.

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  15. So dudes, like 100 hits were me...I juuuusssttt can't STOP...

    Seriously Considering TAYCOB Cindy

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  16. i lose control of all bodily functions when an RPattz pic/movie/interview etc. is in my vacinity, too.

    LOL! JJ i LOVE that you and your man are just as open with ass-tearing as me and my man are. he says he's never smelled anything like it in his life. i take that as a compliment.

    i'm a vegetarian and just blame it on all the veggies! HA!

    congrats on the 3000 hits, JJ and STY! love you guys! :)

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  17. (AF-Kat)TwiwasgoinginforthekisswhenIgotadickinmymouth - [whew] - i was wondering the same thing - but i think "pissing myself laughing" - just an educated guess - lol!

    @Twiswearstoofuckingmuch - hey my cat used to be able to clear a room too and i changed her food and now her shit don't stink - email me - really! i [heart] the kitties and this was a revelation to me!!

    : )

    later peeps!

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  18. jj- I do love you. I never laugh as much as I do when reading your blog. My husband and mother in law are looking at my like i have lost my mind- which may not be far off.

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  19. I'z been drinking just a little. Sooooo when I read the words Mr. Cutie and farts together on Twitarded I cackled sofa king hard and died of excitement. Truly this is the bestest shout out EVER!! I'd say thank you, but my husband would point out this has nothing to do with me and was, of course, all about him. *snickers*

    *drunken whisper* This just made my life, no freaking joke. Thank you!

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  20. My dog is the tiniest fucking dog you'll ever see (except maybe a mini Chihuahua, but they're fugly) but holy crap when he farts he can sure clear a room. Ninja farts - silent but deadly. But like STY's cat, since I started him on different food he's a lot less stinky. Yay Royal Canin!

    Love the vid, it's ridiculous but really funny. Nearly pissed myself when Robward uses his ass as a jet-pack. XD Thanks for another Twitarded-induced-almost-asthma-attack. So worth it though! ;)

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  21. Ya, that one was easy... I knew it was a JJ post before I even got past the title!! LOL! Congrats on 3,000 hits in one day! That's so cool. And thanks also for the shout out for the post! You guys rock!

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  22. OMJJ! We all love you! You are absolutely, irrevocably, hilarious!

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  23. Yep, I even shared this one with the kids and we all giggled and snorted and farted the whole 4 times we watched it! And we've seen it before!!

    @ JJ - When my DH farts, I use my sexy voice to tell him "God, you are soooooo hot right now."

    And just for all you kitty lovers...er...cat lovers (kitty means something totally different for me now that I've met Tattward) Anyway...my husband taught our 2 year old to say "Damn Cat" when she sees a pic of a cat, and when he asks what do we do to cats, she yells "kick 'em!" FTR, she doesn't really kick them, but it sure pisses my mom off when he teaches her shit like that! Which, of course, is why he does it! Duh!

    @ TwiwasgoinginforthekisswhenIgotadickinmymouth - I did the same thing...toot in the title, must be JJ!

    VW gaciesee - I'm gassy, see? Appropriate, no?

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  24. @ JJ - fucking love your caption!

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  25. @TwiWeasel - "kitty" hee, hee! Oh yeah!

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  26. @ Twichotic - Yeah, I knew YOU would know what I was getting at...I'm off to read the latest chapter that I STILL haven't read! I'm going...now! Really!

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  27. @ TwiWeasal - I'm SO doing that next
    time hubby farts. Heh.

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  28. Bwahahahahahah
    Oh good lord, that was great........

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  29. Oh wow...that was effing brilliant.

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  30. @ Twichotic and anyone else reading CW&IA...hunterhunting is a cockblocking bitch, and I told her so! Argh!!!

    No, really...if you aren't reading it, you should be...NOW! Am I right or am I right, girls?

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  31. @TwiWeasel - "Argh!!!" is right!!... I felt the same way at the end of Chap 24. BUT...she had me at Tattward's POV. I would definitely like to read that! Hoping it doesn't take long to get to the next chapter...!

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  32. Bwhahaha..step right up folks for your Carnival of Fart Laughs..what a hoot. Love Love Love the video (never saw it)..

    I love the Cannes photo you chose - fucking perfect for a "that is SO disgusting" caption..LOL.

    i would love to know that he's read one of these bodily fluid twitarded posts..there's nothin like'em!

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  33. OMG!! I should know better than to drink anything WHILE reading your posts! I just gave my sinuses and my laptop a caffeinated wash!Too friggin' hillarious... As I am reading and wiping up all my coffee, I think She's squeeing out her ass... then I read it!!! "It was my butt's version of SQUEEEEE!!"

    I think I need a new laptop now!

    I spent my whole afternoon signing loan papers on a house... Totally NEEDED this! Thanks!

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  34. @Hungry Vampire - ahhh....rookie mistake!
    Haha. This website should probably come with a warning to completely consume all beverages in order to avoid damage to your keyboard. Heh heh.

    F Kat

    W/V: Remenesu.....that's Renesme trying to pronounce her own name after a few drinks.

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  35. @STY--I guess you are right that was the sound of my blogging cherry popping--good ears and good call. Is this going to change things? Am I taking things too fast? Nawwwwww.

    Thanks for the shout-out!

    Just bought Midnight show tickets for New Moon--I had a change of heart--woohoo! And the theater is 21+ with alcohol. Woohoo!

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  36. @(F-Kat)TwiwasgoinginforthekisswhenIgotadickinmymouth - Yeah me rookie... I was reading this post to my friend on the phone... Also telling a dream that I had... took a drink of water while she shot of a zinger ... Lost it again... I think I need a waterproof laptop!

    At least this last spew was water ... to wash the coffee off. Now my bed is soaked!

    I am having a drinking problems....

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  37. Firstly, I never realised that PMSL wasn't a global thing seeing as I do it all the time - yes, it's pissing mself laughing and yes, most of the time on here I do mean it literally (three kids down the line, what can I say? The midwife never warned me about the likes of you lot on here when she was telling me the importance of pelvic floor exercises (kegels over there right?! Or is that something you eat? :oS Aah no, that would be bagels...bloody language barriers ;o)).

    AND I've now been PMSL possibly even more over all of the comments than at JJ's post. *sigh* I love it here. You are my life now.

    Re CW&IA, I've not read the last chapter yet but thanks for the cockblocking warning, will try not to get my hopes, erm 'up' hehe!

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  38. My friends keep telling me I should start my own blog (I've even gone so far as to design a banner), but I keep telling them I don't think there's anything I could say that doesn't already get said by JJ and STY at Twitarded. This classic post is another example of why I love you guys!

    Lisa

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  39. You know how sometimes when a dog farts, it looks at it's own ass all offended, like it was someone else? I do that too.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one where farting is considered a term of endearment, lol.

    I'm also ecstatic that everyone here is perfectly comfortable talking about bodily functions because, clearly, bodily functions are high up on my 'favorite list of shit to write about'.

    @Charla - Vegetarian farts are the WORST!! ML is a veggie and holy shit does that stink! LOL!

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  40. oh man that video makes me want to pee my pants every time I see it! James sniffing the air at the end kills me!! I posted it on our blog a while back... I don't think anyone appreciated my toilet humor. Thank god for twitarded lol I feel like i'm not the only one with a sense of humor of a 12 year old boy haha!!! :D

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  41. @Charla - LOVE the shirt your S/O is wearing - too funny! He must be a good sport - lol...

    : )

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  42. I cannot stop laughing! Next to your blog about taking a dump in Rob's trailor, this is the funniest EVER! My hubby and I also tear it up around eachother, I am known to clear a room. I am a vegetarian so blame it on the tofu and veggies. Sadly, I can out-fart my 6"4 300+ hubby. Is it wrong to be proud of that?

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  43. I too am prone to natural combustion and when I first started dating my ex it was worse because I would get nervous... why is it the harder you try to contain it, the higher on the richter scale it goes? Pretty soon though, being a guy, he was in awe of my prowess and admitted my gas out-gassed his any day of the week. I was proud AND free to let loose when I needed to. Ah, memories.

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  44. I always consciously controlled mine, however I let myself down badly in my sleep apparently. I was mortified fairly early on in our relationship when my husband revealed this information to me!

    Veri word is cremo ;o)

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  45. Bahahaha! This is great! Mr. Not So Smutty will damn near shit himself busting ass-funk just to get a reaction out of me. Then the minute I let the tiniest restrained fluff of the bunny, he acts like I just whipped a dick out at him and told him to hold it in his mouth till the swelling went down. I love you guys! XOXO

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  46. I am not surprised you got 3000 hits, you bitches are the shit. You rock the faces off all of us Twitarded fans. As a congratulatory gesture, I should send you a Sparklepeen from AdamandEve.com.

    I love farts. Farts are the most primitive form of humor in my book. I'm a nurse so I hear farts all day and everyday. Sometimes when someone has a stoma from a colostomy, it lets out air, hence a stoma fart. The first time I heard one I had to leave the room as to not offend the patient with my laughter and tears.

    I have this app on my IPhone called IFart. It's got like 20 different kinds of farts. Whenever I have a bad day, I pull up the app and listen to the farts and my day is turned around.

    I bet Rob's farts smell like roses.

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  47. OMG two my favorite things fart jokes and twilight! I can't stop laughing.

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  48. thanks, STY! :)

    he IS a good sport! ...he puts up with my twitardedness and i put up with is warcraft. i bought that shirt for his last birthday, and he actually wore it to dinner! i was so shocked... and proud! :) and TRUST me, there were SO many girls that saw him in the shirt and had instant crushes. it was hilarious! :)

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  49. One of these days, I WILL start a post by talking about farts, or pee, or poop - just to keep everyone who plays "Name That Twitarded Blogger" on their toes... (you've been warned)

    I love you twisted chicks.

    @Kate - haha!! yes, i bet his farts DO smell like roses... Or maybe sunshine and all the other stuff Edward's supposed to smell like [having a brain cramp & can't think of the rest of the list now. Rainbows? Sex? no clue...].

    @Smuttier Than You - "fluff of the bunny" - I'm SO using that next time I let one rip - lol!! Not that I fart. Ever. I don't poop, either. Nope. Not me...

    @Charla - You gave him that shirt for his b-day?! hahahahaaa!!! too funny - he's cute and a SUPER good sport - no wonder the other chicks are giving him the eye - lol! Definitely a keeper imho...

    : )

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  50. Kori/ Team Switzer-JacobOctober 3, 2009 at 7:51 PM

    XD! wowza. Too mad at that farting video. But omg! I promise, to me, the guy that played James was THE SEXIEST thing running in Twilight. Love Taylor and Robert of course, but MAN that James guy is beautiful! <3

    And lol to "my butt's version of squeeeee!"

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  51. So you know how I mentioned that when my DH farts I tell him how hot he is? Well, last night in bed he farted and when I opened my mouth to tell him, I ruined it by gagging! I am soooo not kidding. I finally went in the other room for a while. *sigh*

    @ Kristen - No way girl! Fart loud, Fart Proud!!

    @ Smuttier Than You - I did a dry spit take when you said "Then the minute I let the tiniest restrained fluff of the bunny, he acts like I just whipped a dick out at him and told him to hold it in his mouth till the swelling went down." (I've learned not to drink anything while reading anything on Twitarded.)

    @ Charla - You are so lucky! Tonight when I was checking out the Hot Stars of New Moon (or whatever it's called) again in the store (and this time all the kids were accounted for) my 9 yo asked if I would buy it, and my DH said in his holier than thou voice, "No, it doesn't have enough pictures of Robert Pattinson in it." Dick munch. *grin*

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  52. You have 52 ... now 53 comments about a fart post!!! How cool is that? Where else can you get Twilight, Farts and Funnies all in the same place - Welcome to Twitarded (that's a pretty awesome slogan actually).

    ...and I just got my tickets to the first showing of New Moon in my area, CAN'T WAIT, SO EXCITED!

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  53. LMAO on this video...my stomach hurts from laughing so much!

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  54. Hi!

    Congratulations! Your readers have submitted and voted for your blog at The Daily Reviewer. We compiled an exclusive list of the Top 100 twilight Blogs, and we are glad to let you know that your blog was included! You can see it at http://thedailyreviewer.com/top/twilight

    You can claim your Top 100 Blogs Award here : http://thedailyreviewer.com/pages/badges/twilight

    P.S. This is a one-time notice to let you know your blog was included in one of our Top 100 Blog categories. You might get notices if you are listed in two or more categories.

    P.P.S. If for some reason you want your blog removed from our list, just send an email to angelina@thedailyreviewer.com with the subject line "REMOVE" and the link to your blog in the body of the message.

    Cheers!

    Angelina Mizaki
    Selection Committee President
    The Daily Reviewer
    http://thedailyreviewer.com

    ReplyDelete
  55. lols!! u 2 give obscenity a good name! Gosh! you r my only reason to stay laughing if ur blog goes down that would be a serious crisis! pls. launch an emergency plan and inform us about plan B, meeting place lol:)love u ..lamia

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  56. LMAO on this video...my stomach hurts from laughing so much!

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  57. thanks, STY! :)

    he IS a good sport! ...he puts up with my twitardedness and i put up with is warcraft. i bought that shirt for his last birthday, and he actually wore it to dinner! i was so shocked... and proud! :) and TRUST me, there were SO many girls that saw him in the shirt and had instant crushes. it was hilarious! :)

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  58. @STY--I guess you are right that was the sound of my blogging cherry popping--good ears and good call. Is this going to change things? Am I taking things too fast? Nawwwwww.

    Thanks for the shout-out!

    Just bought Midnight show tickets for New Moon--I had a change of heart--woohoo! And the theater is 21+ with alcohol. Woohoo!

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  59. OMG!! I should know better than to drink anything WHILE reading your posts! I just gave my sinuses and my laptop a caffeinated wash!Too friggin' hillarious... As I am reading and wiping up all my coffee, I think She's squeeing out her ass... then I read it!!! "It was my butt's version of SQUEEEEE!!"

    I think I need a new laptop now!

    I spent my whole afternoon signing loan papers on a house... Totally NEEDED this! Thanks!

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  60. Bwahahahaha! JJ, you are priceless! I love fart jokes & that video was one of the funniest things I've ever seen! OMG, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard! Love this blog SO much!

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  61. OMG I don't think I've seen that video. Fucking dying. That is too perfect and now when I watch Twilight, I'll be thinking of random farts.
    Oh and you farting JJ, your too cute. My hubby has always told me that for some one so petite my farts smelled like death. I can clear a fucking room and I don't know what's wrong with me but that's just how my body is. There I shared some twifartness with you. I fucking have rotten innards.
    Heart ya!

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