Pattinson Panties! Edward Undies! We Got 'em!

Update: Um, we REALLY didn't anticipate the amount of attention that these undies would garner... They have been ALL over the world at this point (well, the pictures have - the real deal will remain tucked away with our Twi merch stash!) and the furor shows no sign of dying down any time soon. So we just wanted to say...Robert Pattinson, we are really REALLY sorry that you might actually see these one day soon. Please don't hate us! And if you want us to hook you up with that chick who called us nasty, dirty, stinking whores, we could arrange that - she seems nice! Although she could use a copy of the Creative Cursing book, in our humble opinions.

We mentioned a while ago that our friend Red Bella (aka Deb) was doing some custom embroidery for us... She generously contributed two custom-made Twitarded t-shirts to our "100-ish Ways Twilight Changed My Life" contest, and because we felt a little left out that other people were getting Twitarded gear and we weren't, Jenny Jerkface and I sent her a couple of items that she graciously agreed to embroider for us. The whole time she was working on our pieces, she kept alluding to a little "extra special" sumpthin'-sumpthin' that she was going to include when she sent our parcel back from Canada! We had no idea what to expect, but we got the distinct feeling that it was gonna be... very naughty. And we were right! Yay! We love being right almost as much as we love naughty stuff!

Ladies and twat-waffles, I present for your viewing pleasure...PATTINSON PANTIES!!!

The hoo-hoos have eyes--you can run but you can't hide!

It's like a bumper sticker but for your ass!

We nearly D-I-E-D laughing when we opened the little tissue-wrapped parcels and gawked at the contents: there was Edward! And Twilight! [Not sure how the chick who holds the apple would feel about the placement of her hands here, but oh well...] And Twitarded, too! This is the next best thing to having a Twitarded tramp stamp, imho. Less painful and you don't have to explain it to anyone... But I might stay out of communal dressing/changing rooms, just to avoid any questioning looks. Although on second thought, that might be a great way to out other Twitards... "Hey, is that Edward Cullen on your twat???"

Because how else can you get Robert Pattinson's autograph on your taint?

The accompanying note from Red Bella read:

You undoubtedly have heard of the Pattinson Pants, well... I give you straight from my devious little mind your very own Robward panties. Complete with extra lining in the special places for those times when the fan fiction gets steamy and the lady bits start to react. Oh and I also added the images of Robward's lips on the liner to help with those fantasies of having his mouth up against you... Enjoy!

You read right: check it out!*

So wrong... So very very wrong... Yet SO funny!!!

Thanks again, Red Bella, for the awesome undies! They might never get up close and personal with our bits and pieces, but we'll always be comforted by the fact that the possibility is only a short skip to our underwear drawer away...

[JJ's note - We tore into those packages and when we saw the panties we squealed and laughed at the same time. In retrospect, it was probably a really bizarre and/or terrifying sound, which is why Mr. Snarky came dashing over to investigate...about two seconds after I'd flipped the undies inside out and was staring, face to face with Robward's luscious mouth in the crotch of a pair of underwear. Awwwwwkward.]

*So do we wear these to the NM premiere under our Bella dresses or Twitarded gear [we haven't decided yet]? Or save them for the court date when we contest the restraining order/cease-and-desist from Robert Pattinson's camp??? Maybe wear them on our heads when we storm the stage of the Regis & Kelly Show?! So many possibilities, so few Pattz Panties...

Note (another update...): These were made for us as a gag by a very talented – and funny – reader. They are not for sale and are not being mass-produced.