Sunday, October 25, 2009

Pattinson Panties! Edward Undies! We Got 'em!

Update: Um, we REALLY didn't anticipate the amount of attention that these undies would garner... They have been ALL over the world at this point (well, the pictures have - the real deal will remain tucked away with our Twi merch stash!) and the furor shows no sign of dying down any time soon. So we just wanted to say...Robert Pattinson, we are really REALLY sorry that you might actually see these one day soon. Please don't hate us! And if you want us to hook you up with that chick who called us nasty, dirty, stinking whores, we could arrange that - she seems nice! Although she could use a copy of the Creative Cursing book, in our humble opinions.

We mentioned a while ago that our friend Red Bella (aka Deb) was doing some custom embroidery for us... She generously contributed two custom-made Twitarded t-shirts to our "100-ish Ways Twilight Changed My Life" contest, and because we felt a little left out that other people were getting Twitarded gear and we weren't, Jenny Jerkface and I sent her a couple of items that she graciously agreed to embroider for us. The whole time she was working on our pieces, she kept alluding to a little "extra special" sumpthin'-sumpthin' that she was going to include when she sent our parcel back from Canada! We had no idea what to expect, but we got the distinct feeling that it was gonna be... very naughty. And we were right! Yay! We love being right almost as much as we love naughty stuff!

Ladies and twat-waffles, I present for your viewing pleasure...PATTINSON PANTIES!!!

The hoo-hoos have eyes--you can run but you can't hide!

It's like a bumper sticker but for your ass!

We nearly D-I-E-D laughing when we opened the little tissue-wrapped parcels and gawked at the contents: there was Edward! And Twilight! [Not sure how the chick who holds the apple would feel about the placement of her hands here, but oh well...] And Twitarded, too! This is the next best thing to having a Twitarded tramp stamp, imho. Less painful and you don't have to explain it to anyone... But I might stay out of communal dressing/changing rooms, just to avoid any questioning looks. Although on second thought, that might be a great way to out other Twitards... "Hey, is that Edward Cullen on your twat???"

Because how else can you get Robert Pattinson's autograph on your taint?

The accompanying note from Red Bella read:
You undoubtedly have heard of the Pattinson Pants, well... I give you straight from my devious little mind your very own Robward panties. Complete with extra lining in the special places for those times when the fan fiction gets steamy and the lady bits start to react. Oh and I also added the images of Robward's lips on the liner to help with those fantasies of having his mouth up against you... Enjoy!
You read right: check it out!*

So wrong... So very very wrong... Yet SO funny!!!

Thanks again, Red Bella, for the awesome undies! They might never get up close and personal with our bits and pieces, but we'll always be comforted by the fact that the possibility is only a short skip to our underwear drawer away...

[JJ's note - We tore into those packages and when we saw the panties we squealed and laughed at the same time. In retrospect, it was probably a really bizarre and/or terrifying sound, which is why Mr. Snarky came dashing over to investigate...about two seconds after I'd flipped the undies inside out and was staring, face to face with Robward's luscious mouth in the crotch of a pair of underwear. Awwwwwkward.]

*So do we wear these to the NM premiere under our Bella dresses or Twitarded gear [we haven't decided yet]? Or save them for the court date when we contest the restraining order/cease-and-desist from Robert Pattinson's camp??? Maybe wear them on our heads when we storm the stage of the Regis & Kelly Show?! So many possibilities, so few Pattz Panties...

Note (another update...): These were made for us as a gag by a very talented – and funny – reader. They are not for sale and are not being mass-produced.

190 comments:

  1. Oh my Hell......... the Pattinson Panties were fucktastically funny until the lips INSIDE, and then I was like..........."crickets crickets crickets* Red Bella is a WONDERFUL kind of diabolical seamstress!!!! Bravo my friend BRAVO!!!!

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  2. OMG OMG OME! I'm laughing so hard right now!!!!! I had to slap my hand over my mouth! I think I spit on my computer screen when I got to the last image!! you better wear them lol!

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  3. LMFAO
    =D
    Bikini bottoms! Share the Robward with the public masses.

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  4. WEAR THEM!! WEAR THEM!! WEAR THEM!! And then flash somebody when you're waiting in line (actually do it when the line is moving as to prevent akwardness)

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  5. LMFAO!! Fucking BRILLIANT!! Ladies, you must wear them!!!

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  6. That - is - awesome! You must wear them to the New Moon premier. Head to toe Twilight!

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  7. You MUST wear them to the premiere but probably not for the stalking. I seem to recall a worst case scenario of JJ's involving meeting Rob, gust of wind, 10-year-old period panties... I think flashing these babies – accidentally or not – would guarantee the restraining order.

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  8. Hi Ladies, I am one of your lurkers, Cos I'm a serious teknophobe.

    Gimme the knickers - I want them ! I would so enjoy wearing them *THUD*

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  9. Maybe I should have said "head to taint" Twilight.

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  10. You must WEAR THEM! Of course we will never know unless maybe I e-mail Lorabell and TCA and have them lift your dresses to check. Hmmmm. It pays to know people. Mwahahahaha!

    A little disturbed, a tad jealous, and a loving it. Way to go Red Bella. You could make bank on these. Maybe you could send them to Ellen to give to Rob next time he is on her show. Can you imagine how mortified he would be. Hee!

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  11. OME! You need to get these lil suckers out on the market! They are so naughty that I can't stop laughing. I would love a pair but hmmm not sure about the inside lol. NO ROTFLMFAO! That has to be the best lil gift ever! such a shame that they are worn under clothing though. I would totally want to show those off!

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  12. HOLY SHIT...Red Bella is a fucking GENIUS. Tim Gunn would be proud. I would TOTES strut that shit on the runway.

    For sure you have to wear that for the NM premiere. It's extra lined, remember? It can handle it. And get some travel Woolite so you can wash it out overnight and wear them again in case that court date is the day after the premiere.

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  13. You should carry them to Regis and Kelly, then ask Rob to sign them!!!

    Or wear them to the show...and still ask him to sign.

    OR...e-mail a photo to Ellen...and hopefully she'll think it's as funny as we all do, and she'll put them on her show when he's on!!!

    Last resort...just wear them...and love them!!

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  14. Oh wow! O.o!

    I had 3 thoughts bum rush my brain
    1.Edward, Aunt Flow, Aunt Flow Edward....
    2. How does one even make underpants?
    3. Red Bella you are crazy! (the good kind of course!)

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  15. goodness me, that is so wrong and yet i'm sure it will feel oh so right! :p
    i've been a lurker here for the longest time but this post is just too deliciously wicked i had to post a comment. this post MUST be shared! you guys are too awesome!

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  16. OMG, I'm dying over here from laughing so hard... can't freakin breathe! The panties are just GENIUS! And the, um, lip liner... ROTFLMAO!

    You guys definitely have to wear these the night of the premiere! Love you guys. Thanks for the laughs, you're the best!

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  17. HAHAHA, Fucking hilarious! And I cannot believe I'm such a twitard this is not even that fucked up to me.

    WEAR 'EM is what I says! ;D

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  18. OME I died!! Red Bella, this is awesome, it's Monday morning and I can't stop laughing. Just his mouth inside the panties?? OME priceless!

    JJ and STY you are blessed with such wonderful Twifriends and well with ROBWARD panties ..

    godohgod :)

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  19. If you don't wear these bad boys to the premiere, I will be totes disappointed. Because I KNOW that after the required alcoholic beverages are consumed, hilarity with you two will ensue, and we all want to hear the stories about this. Seriously, I will be waiting to hear how many tweens you made cry while waiting for the movie by showing them your most unique Edward gear. PLEASE!!!!

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  20. OMG those are some of the most awesome things i have ever seen!!!

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  21. Oh heck! If you don't want them, I do! Don't think my kids would appreciate me wearing them, but WTH, they would be just AWESOME to just HAVE!!!

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  22. Robward's mouth on your hoohoo, wahahaha. Effing funny. Also shared with my readers
    http://robstenation.blogspot.com/2009/10/twitarded-presents-pattinson-panties.html.
    JJ, STY, you guys are just the funniest!!!

    Shaui

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  23. Haha, I see on Rob's imdb board there's some sticks firmly wedged up some arses about this. Humourless wenches...

    Really, I think Red Bella should try her hand next at making a Rob reusable cloth menstrual pad like this one (scroll down through the other vampire related questionable merch):

    http://www.comicsalliance.com/2009/10/20/the-worst-and-weirdest-vampire-merchandise/

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  24. i'm so jealousssssssss! WEAR THEM! oh how i love my fellow twitards! only this type of brilliance could come from you guys! :) i had to call my newly converted (she's team Jacob, WTF?!?!) sister into the room because i was laughing so hard!

    i TOTALLY agree that you guys should tell ellen about these. they are absolutely priceless! the adorable look on Robward's face would just kill me with cuteness! i can't even imagine!!

    i'll go to bed dreaming of Robward in my panties. ;)

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  25. lol! these are great! i'm so jealous!
    btw you HAVE to wear them to the premier and any other twi related things.

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  26. @jelena "And I cannot believe I'm such a twitard this is not even that fucked up to me."
    LMAO This is how i feel, so funny though, You must wear them to the premier!lol

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  27. This totally cracks my shit up! I'm falling out of my chair, then read: "Because how else can you get Robert Pattinson's autograph on your taint?" K, now I'm sitting on the floor laughing. Then I see the liner! Sorry, I need to get a little paper bag to breathe in because I'm hyperventilating!!!

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  28. you have to wear them. So that you can tell people you have rpattz on your snatch..

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  29. Wow. Just wow.

    To quote Vit R `A little disturbed, a tad jealous, and a loving it. Way to go Red Bella.`

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  30. Maybe these will be our "lucky Twilight undies" that we wear to every Twilight-themed function we attend from now on??? A tad more subtle than toting mini-e all over the place, although he will also be in attendance. Maybe Red Bella can make a teeny tiny pair of KStew boxer-briefs for the little guy... : )

    RL/work is gonna be nutso busy today (and this week in general) so I might not be able to comment much but I'll be popping in to read when I can - I'll need the pick-me-up!

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  31. @Shaui - Thx for the shout-out! I get a "page not found" with your link though... : (

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  32. Christ on a crutch, that is fucking hilarious. I want some Pattinson Panties! I want RPattz's lips on my lips... his mouth on my muff... his tongue on my twat... Fuck, just a bit too early on a Monday too be this worked up already!!

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  33. If Summit ever bothers you again, you can always threaten to throw these on etsy. :-] They are brilliant!

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  34. Wear them! And yeah STY, I agree with the "lucky Twilight undies".

    I was looking at them and laughing so hard (while thinking that those are so mad sewing skills... How those one go about making undies???).

    Then, I saw the back and though "clever! A all-in-one".

    Then the liner! OMG! Too much! Genious.
    Red Bella, how do you feel about making these and selling them to fellow twitardeds?? Yeah, I'm jealous in a possessive kind of way.
    Me wants some edward-twitarded-twilight undies!!
    Way to go girl!

    Kisses, happy monday.

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  35. Definitely wear them!! Red Bella needs to mass produce these in Shamwow material!

    Dammit - I LOVE the placement of RPattz's mouth -- freakin' LOVE IT!!!

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  36. Okay, you've convinced me - I'll wear the panties on the premiere. They will be safely hidden under my dress. RPattz can never know, however. At least, not on national television. I'm bound to do something really stupid if it's being broadcast.

    I know others have said this too but I'm stunned by Red Bella's sewing skills. I can barely sew a button on straight and she made undies.

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  37. Okay, you've convinced me - I'll wear the panties on the premiere. They will be safely hidden under my dress. RPattz can never know, however. At least, not on national television. I'm bound to do something really stupid if it's being broadcast.

    I know others have said this too but I'm stunned by Red Bella's sewing skills. I can barely sew a button on straight and she made undies.

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  38. Um, if you don't wear those to the premiere then I am going to - they are TOO awesome - especially the inside, LMFAO! I WANT SOME!!!
    - Lorabell :D

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  39. There are fantastic - wear them! Poor old Eddie he doesn't know what is going to hit him, literally, once the juices start flowing! Bring on the crusty knickers!!!!!

    x

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  40. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And probably as close to the real thing as I'm ever going to get! Oh My Goodness....I think my heart is going to explode it is beating so fast right now!!!!!!! I need a pair for every day of the week!

    v/w CONSU as in RPatz can consume me any time he wants!

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  41. If you won't wear them, I will! Any chance she'll mass-produce them for the rest of us??

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  42. Those are absolutely fantastic. And just when you thought they couldn't get better, BAM! His mouth in your crotch. Lucky ladies lol

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  43. Congratulations ladies!

    For once, I am speechless!

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  44. @JJ, STY, and Red Bella - Your new panties have hit the blogosphere -- http://robpattinson.blogspot.com/2009/10/so-so-wrong-robert-pattinson-panties.html

    @Red Bella - first, LOVE your name! second, let us know where we can send our orders for our own set of RPattz panties!! ;)

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  45. LOL, those are great panties! I dare you ladies to wear them on the outside of your clothes, and then go trick-or-treating. Maybe you'll get a bag full of New Moon candies?

    Word veri: winko - perfect for today's post *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

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  46. Chest infection + Pattinson panties + Snarky commentary = me in a fuckload of pain right now from laughing so hard! Totally worth it though. I wanna bumper sticker for my ass and Rob's lips on my twat too...:( So jealous.

    Maybe Red Bella could make matching bras to go with these, with Rob's face on each tit...awesome!

    Veri-word: robtat. If I can't get the undies, maybe I should just get a robtat on my ass instead.

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  47. I'll preface by saying those are a riot. I was snort laughing at them when one of the docs in my clinic walked up behind me. I did the instant window close, and then accidentally maximized it again while she was still behind me...*sigh* FML.

    And then I'll say this: the print on the back makes it look like you're about to poop an apple.

    Red Bella, you're officially a national treasure in my book.

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  48. OH MY GOD, errr, ROBWARD!!! I need to own these!! NOW! hahahahhahahhaha. I know that I would randomly burst into laughter throughout the day knowing I was sitting on his freaking face. BEST. IDEA. EVER.

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  49. Red Bella is a mad genius!! On one hand I would LOVE to see these available for the masses, but the slight heavenly glow that encompasses them at the moment because they are one of a kind is pretty fucking special too. Twitarded is fast becoming the new holy land....

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  50. Now, if only Robwards lips would vibrate = score

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  51. Wear them , of course!!! That would make your movie experience extra-special knowing what your undies are even though (hopefully) no one but yourselves will see them at the premiere!

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  52. Those are the best things I have ever seen. Pure genius to have his lips on your own lips!! I've very jealous ;)
    xxx

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  53. These will go perfectly with my new Twitarded tee-shirt I just got. (Love the shirt ladies. I'll be wearing it to the New Moon/Twilight double feature!)

    I'd like to order a month's supply of the undies. Please ship them to:

    Rob's Bitch
    6969 Beaver Way
    In My Pants, NY 66666

    Thanks!

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  55. @Red Bella - They are sick and twisted but that's why we love them!!

    I have to say that, for everything STY and I have said on done on this blog, I am surprised that people actually took offense to these undies.

    So, pooping in a trailer is okay, sparkle peens are ok, dildos vs. Mini-Edward are ok but... Pattinson panties aren't?

    Thank you, Red Bella for you gift! :)

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  56. @Red Bella and Jenny --

    *face getting hot and red - BLUSH* I was the one who sent you the link to robpattinsonlife.com, and I totally took their post as sarcasm...not sincere dislike. Perhaps it's because I'm totally inlove with RPattz and your panties that I can't comprehend anyone ever disliking something so freakin' awesome!

    Eeek! I don't like spreading negative stuff, so yuck - I'm so sorry to have done that!! Perhaps I need to stop and really read a post and commments before spreading news.

    *hangs head in shame*

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  57. @Twichotic - Darling! Don't even worry about it! It's no biggie, promise.

    Personally, I originally thought the post was sarcasm as well.

    :)

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  58. There are people seriously offended by the panties?

    Next time they get their panties in bunch over something, I condemn them to being Rob Panties!

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  59. @Twichotic
    No worries! I really don't care if people don't like them! It just means that they don't have a sense of humour!

    I had fun making them and I would do it all over again!

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  60. @Jenny - thanks for the quick reply. I was about to jump off a cliff like Bella thinking I caused a ripple within the Twitarded community!! ...seriously.

    This silliness and the love of Robward panties only confirms how AWESOME the Twitarded community is! We just so get it!!! *big grins*

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  61. @Red Bella - my comment above to Jenny is for you too!!

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  62. I am laughing like crazy over here! Wearing them on your heads when you storm the stage is a winner! Although, keep in mind, if they're easily removed, they'll be admitted as evidence in said court date for the restraining order.

    ROFL ROFL ROFL

    You ladies have brought tears to my eyes, yet again! LOL

    If Mr Snarky hadn't seen them already, I would vote for wear them just to see his reaction during sexy time LOLOLOLOLOLOL

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  63. Love them!! Yes, me want too!! I'll take the granny panty ones. LOL
    WEAR THEM!!!
    Red Bella, Now you need to get the pic of Rob sticking his tongue out or licking his lips. Ooooo, shiver!

    The DiVinyls song I touch myself comes to mind now. LOL!!

    Word verfi--Underm...hhmmm ;)

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  64. I can plunk in any image that your heart desires!

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  65. @Twichotic: I read the comments and was surprised people find if offensive. Them I stoped to think... They're not Twitardeds at heart and they don't get us, don't worry about it!

    That's why I love this blog so much: it's witty, twisted, funny and one can laugh without thinking "should I laugh, is this funny, will everyone think I'm twisted???", because we are pretty much on the same wave lenght and if we're not, we laugh about with the others!

    Love being a Twitarded!

    @Red Bella: thanks for the explanation. I was really curious. I wish I knew how to sew. And congrats on making your on wedding dress. That's brave!

    Kisses fellow twitardeds!

    Verif Word: spendi. I'm gonna spendi a lot of money in Twitarded merch and Rob Pattinson panties *hint, hint*

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  66. OMG for the love of a fantasy fulfilled....THOSE ARE VICTORIA'S SECRET WORTHY!!!

    RedBella - You are a genius seamstress and I don't find Rob's lips near cooterville the least bit offensive.

    I don't think I could ever actually wear a pair of those though...I'd always harbor the subconsious need to run my fingers through Mr. Pretty's hair and it would make me look like a 24/7 masterbater.

    Mama Cougar
    The Cougar's Den

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  67. I absolutely LOVE them! You lucky ladies who have them BETTER wear them!!! I am jealous!!! :) - and Red Bella - as soon as you can sew up some more I am SOOO in line buying!!! - any of the rest of you who don't have a sense of humor - go buy one!!!!!! Then maybe you'll want to buy the panties!!! hahaha!
    Tania
    (woulda signed in but couldn't remember my password!!!)

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  68. @Red Bella - you are talentedly awesome and I love your sense of humor!

    I'm sure this is going to cause quite the firestorm on some of the tight-ass Twiblogs. Maybe it will be entertaining enough to take our minds off the New Moon countdown for a few minutes.

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  69. lol, can't believe people were offended by your genius knickers Red Bella. they're brilliant. and would go nicely with my Prince Charles vag-with-teeth: http://twipnotized.blogspot.com/

    We're trying to get ourselves a toilet seat with Edwards face on it at the moment. Not on the lid, on the actual seat that you sit on. "Yes, exactly, I want to be sitting on his face".

    If you made some more i think it would be a little bit like a Twitarded equivalent of cabbage patch kid sales shortage.

    Fight ya for em.. x

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  70. Sooo, STY and I were discussing the haters over at imbd Movie Database and she sent a response that was so fucking good I'm passing it on to you guys. Basically, the hater thought we were disturbing (duh!)and was disgusted that we were planning on wearing the panties.

    I'm too lazy to actually sign up for imbd (and we think the haters are kinda funny, anyway, so it's not a big deal) but that doesn't stop us from talking about them.

    And STY's response is...

    Really?! Yeah, that’s right, I am planning on wearing them. on my head. When I crash the Regis & Kelly show. After you drop a deuce in his dressing room.

    I find it very sad that some people don’t have a sense of humor. THAT’S sad. And yes, the panties are disturbing. That said, Red Bella may start taking orders for them and wants to know what we think a reasonable price would be – she’ll even get our her bedazzler for a textured-for-her-pleasure experience… [er, don't quote us on that one, 'kay?]

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  71. Twitardia is no place for maturity.

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  72. Oh for God's sake! All the creepy ass shit that pops up on etsy and ebay that's made WITHOUT tongue in cheek (or wherever you want the tongue to go, duh) like a certain nightmare-inducing Esme doll for instance and THIS is what they're disturbed by?!

    Line-crossing? You bet your ass, and Twitards do it with a cocktail in hand, Pattinson panties snugly on, and a big fucking smile.

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  73. Awesome panties Red Bella!! You will make BANK if you market these. I know I would buy a pair!
    ooooo, can you imagine Beautiful Bastard ripping these off?? *fanning myself at work*

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  74. Mr. Moxie just about had a stroke when I said I wanted to buy my own FSE. I do not think he would take it very well if I bought Pattinson Panties (but I want them!).

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  75. Uh, guys, is there a line in Twitarded we don't cross?
    We've debated this is some olders posts but we never actually came across said line...
    Advise me advance please so I don't step on it :)

    @Red Bella: will you ship internationally (Portugal)? Please, pretty please? With sparkling Edward on top?

    Verif word: ativelya. How thoughtfull. Isn't that what you take when your hyperventilating? Or with allergies...?

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  76. @layla404: now, that's a "nice" thought. Thanks for feeding my brain!

    @nnMoxie: I think these panties will become part of the official Twitarded uniform... Those that count as an excuse?

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  77. @Selene - I doubt it. I seriously think he's jealous. You'd think he'd appreciate my obsession. He gets a hellova lot more sex now that I started reading Fan Fiction.

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  78. OMG!! I want a pair!!! I'm serious!! I want one!!

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  79. Red Bella, you are my HERO.

    I would buy these. You should sell them! I'd buy 21 pairs. (3 per day. I like my fanfics HOT.)

    You MUST wear these! NM premiere all the way. Scream it out in the theatres, or when you're in a fight with some little Twilighter who doesn't know the first thing about HHH!

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  81. WTF????

    LISTEN UP YOU STEPFORD STALKERS>>>>

    Keep the dream alive, bitches. Yes, when you bump into the Precious on some random street corner one day, he will fall down on his freaking knees and propose to you because you are a "dignified stalker?!?!?"
    SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

    We twitards spend our days (and nights) laughing at ourselves because if we don't, let's admit it, we might be forced to cry a little.

    Good Lord, those in glass houses, bitches!

    LOVE YOU LADIES!! YOU ROCK MY SOCKS...BEST POST AND COMMENTS EVAH!! KUDOS TO RED_BELLA

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  82. @Red Bella--Photos of the Pattinson Panties are being passed around on FB and every loves them. You are amazing in my book.

    Viva Twitardia!

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  83. Muhahaha.... I just found a doll clothing pattern that I can alter for Mini E's undies.... and I know the perfect image to use for them... Menical Laugh... Rubs hands together...

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  84. I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!

    @LKW--I hosey those panties. ;-P

    @JJ--Was I not recently saying that you needed Twitarded panties for the next time you flash commuters on the subway? My work here is done.

    @Red Bella--I don't think I've ever been so proud of American craftsmanship in my life. If you need a Quality Control Officer...

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  85. Looking at these undies is like looking at a trainwreck: I'm embarrassed and yet I want to see more. Unnaturally so. I find myself scrolling back to look at those lips . . .

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  86. HOW DO I GET ME SOME!!!!!!!! Those undies are absofuckinlutely amazing!! I had to minimize my screen when my kids came in to see what I was so hysterically laughing about!!!!!! LUV EM!!!!

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  87. Those undies are the funniest thing I've seen in a while! I can't believe anyone would be offended. Take a joke, why dontcha!
    The lips on the liner -- GENIUS!

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  88. I have no words, because I am laughing and crying to hard to talk. Those are fantastic, sign me up for a pair! :) And if anyone thinks they cross some invisible line, they obviously haven't been hanging out here with us!

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  89. STY & JJ, I just had a random thought... perhaps it would be better to wear the panties on your head on the R&K show instead of under your dresses on the night of the premier. After all, the THOUGHT alone of RPattz all over the lady bits is enough to send one over the edge, but you could do some irrevocable damage to those pretty panties should they spontaneously combust while watching Robward step out into the Volterra sunshine.

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  90. Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking: http://improveverywhere.com/missions/the-no-pants-subway-ride/

    New Yorkers... it's coming up in January.

    I could not stop laughing... through the post, through the comments... but that being said, I would be creeped out owning a pair myself, and I thank God I am not a hot actress that someone is doing that to my face;)

    Again, that being said - JJ/STY - I would definitely say they must be worn at the premier!

    And if some of you decide to participate in the No Pants Subway ride - I vote pictures get posted here!

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  91. ZOMG I haz a jealous. Seriously I have knicker envy, and I'm not afraid to tell the world. I want those. For real.

    Also, as far as the NM screening, I will be wearing an Alice shrug. That I just finished knitting. This week. My geekdom knows no bounds. Fear not, though. I am currently looking for New Moon flask.

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  92. @Lauren - I've always wanted to do the no-pants subway ride. Not sure if I could do it in Pattinson panties. Then again... I can be convinced/bribed to do pretty much anything... lol!

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  93. OH, and BTW, @red bella - You are a fecking genius, you know that? I have the hiccups from laughter. I need to place my order.

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  94. Um, it appears Pattinson Panties have knocked you up a notch in your rankings! Heh-heh.

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  95. @JJ, supposedly they do it in Boston, too - so it's on my consideration list - but Boston is quite a bit smaller and I would DIE if a coworker saw me;)

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  96. As if I wasn't quite jealous enough! OME! Those are beyond awesome!

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  97. @VitaminR - as the saying goes, there's no such thing as bad publicity - lol! : )

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  98. O.M.F.G.!!! ROFLMAO!! Where can I can order a pair or two??? Red Bella, you rock!! JJ & STY, I think you should wear them to the NM premier so that all the little twi/tween twats can be jealous of your stylish ways!!

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  99. I have not laughed that hard...ever...Oh my...I couldn't wear them without laughing hysterically. and Snarkier...wouldn't it be pube-licity...lol

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  100. Jeez, they need a sense-of-humor transplant over there. Come on, Rob's lips on your lips, what's not to laugh at? Prissy bitches.

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  101. I cried laughing when I saw the lips as the liner. You ABSOLUTELY need to send these into Ellen. She will def show them on her show when he's here. I'd die to see his reaction to these!!!!

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  102. @OhMyRob - *GASP* Brilliant idea!!!!

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  103. Red Bella-Well done, I love the creativity not to mention sewing skills.

    JJ and STY- wear them!!!!

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  104. @STY--Does that make me your publicist? Ha! You know you kind of want to in a kind of "driving-by -the-car-crash-don't-want-to-look-but-you-do" kind of way. Hee! Hee!

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  105. I'd like to buy a pair, PLEASE???? my email is Shari.rivera@gmail.com thanks!!!

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  106. Just think of the reactions if you were wearing these undies and did a "Britney" as you were getting out of your car at the premier--You would be blinded by all of the flashing light bulbs but boy you would make a statement!!! Then everyone would be in line for them!!!

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  107. Red Bella - Saint of the naughty Knikkers!
    Let us know when they go into mass production.
    And yeah - what CAT said.

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  108. You girls are my freaking heros - your my dirty thoughts personified -

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  109. okay... i have gottttt to get me some of theseee.!! :)

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  110. @OhMyRob! - yes, Ellen is the Queen of giving out underwear. It would be VERY appropriate to send her a pair to show him!

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  111. This is so wrong in so many ways...that it has gone way beyond funny.
    What if some nasty ugly guy put your face on his speedo, with your mouth on the inside???
    Guess what? This is what Rob is thinking about you right now - you've all become nasty ugly stinking whores to him now.

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  112. lol omg wouldn't they be the absolute best present for our office KK for the boss she did it to me years ago it would be pay back

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  113. @Anonymous--How did you even get to this site? Thanks for being so unashamed & confident in your opinion to comment anonymously. First of all, none of these girls are ugly & I'm not sure where you get off saying that. If you would like to debate this, I'd be happy to give you my address & you can take it up with me personally. Secondly, when did "filthy whore" become an insult? Thirdly, if someone took the time to handstich my mug on some unmentionables I'd probably laugh for weeks & then give them out as Christmas presents. Some people have a sense of humor & perspective. There are unspeakable acts occurring daily to people all over the world & you have your panties in a twist over, well, a silly pair of panties? Get over yourself.

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  114. @TexasKatherine

    Well said, lady...well said. I mean, gosh, anonymous really needs to get some perspective.

    It's a pair of panties. The way anonymous and all her/his uptight crew in twi-land are carrying on, you'd think Robward was the pope, Jesus and the prophet Mohammed rolled into one. He's not a religious figure. He's a sex symbol and self-consciously markets himself as such (wanna roll on the sheepskin rug anyone?) Get a grip, anonymous.

    If Rob really worried so much about people having naughty thoughts about him and doing naughty things with his image he would have given up on showbiz a long, long time ago.

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  115. I can't believe that people are getting all rowdy about the drawers..seriously. I think that rpatz cross-stich pattern is way creepier...and not in a funny twitarded way either.

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  116. OMG thought you guys would like to know that these just made the radio national news in Australia!!

    I squee'd when it was on just now!

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  117. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  118. it was cool that these got featured on perezhilton, but that bought over the fuckheads!

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  119. These undies are becoming famous...
    And aren't we breaking some sort of record with more than 120 comments?

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  120. I can't BELIEVE all the attention these are getting! I have practically been hyperventilating into a brown paper bag over this for the past 48 hours - lol! Um, maybe we ARE really really depraved because I NEVER expected this to blow up - they are all over the world at this point!

    And thanks TK and everyone for defending our honor (such that it is) in general and especially over our lone anon sniper. really, it was about time someone said it - hehe!

    not sure but i don't think this is a record for comments, but it is definitely a record for how much we have been circulated globally.

    OK back to my paper bag...

    : )

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  121. @STY: you seriously need to post all the links you get to this undies in a near future post. Red Bella is going to be blown away (in a totally non-dirt sense!).

    Verif Word: ststabst?? Blogger has officially lost all his imagination for verif words.

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  122. Ok, I'm on a comment induce frenzied.

    Looove the update at the beginning.

    And i do hope RP has a sense of humor and doesn't look at these out of context.

    Hmm, just realized that this means he would have to read Twitarded.... Welcome, Rob?

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  123. Oh Lord. You guys made my favorite website. I love them and everything, but they take their Twilight dislike a little too seriously.

    http://jezebel.com/5392923/do-todays-fans-take-things-too-fars

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  124. JJ & STY, you're famous! Maybe you will get those red carpet premier tickets to New Moon or Eclipse after all.

    If Rob has heard about this, hopefully he doesn't get curious and read the rest of the blog. If he does end up being brave enough, I hope he has plenty of toilet paper in his trailer for JJ.

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  125. This has been a HILARIOUS last couple of days. Wanna know how Twilight has changed my life?
    Things like this! The stress of life and the freakin' economy, etc... all behind me right now because I haven't STOPPED LAUGHING! love you gals!! Great job Red Bella!

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  126. Ladies,

    I also think you crossed the line with this prank. The photo and signature do not belong to you. There is no way Summit or Stephenie Meyers is going to think this is funny. In fact, I don't even think Rob would think it was funny - more like creepy.

    You can't just label it a joke and therefore make it OK. I have a sense of humor, but some things aren't funny to me, and this is one of them.

    Pam J

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  127. @Pam,
    1) No-one's making money out of it, so it doesn't matter whether or not Summit or Smeyer approve. It only becomes an issue when profits are involved.

    2) The joke is not being made for their or your benefit. Jokes are contextual, and Twitarded is the context in which this is funny. if you don't like it, you don't have to come here.

    3) There are much creepier things in fanfiction land in my opinion (search for Robsten fiction, and you'll see what I mean) where Rob is given words, thoughts and actions like some kind of fuck-puppet. But eh, each to their own.

    It's two pairs of home-made knickers, and in the world of Twitardia it's pretty bloody awesome.

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  128. STY and JJ: Congrats on your global impact! Pattison Panties, rampant Memes, and the Scummit/Zazzle debacle have certainly caught a lot of attention. Hopefully you'll use your new found powers for good instead of evil. Never mind, the dark side is way more fun. Give 'em hell!! Coming soon... Twitard world domination.

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  129. RIGHT NOW - Red Dawn needs to figure out a way to gain a copyright or to join an already copyrighted company and get these mass produced. I would buy in a heartbeat. They are HILARIOUS!!! For the rest of you, the ones who are offended, I ask, Why So Serious?

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  130. uh... girls, about the "around theworld panties"... I was doing a google search on the portuguese page of Edward Cullen and the first entry is about the panties!!!! It's a brazilian site but it refers to another: pop crunch. You probably know better what it is:
    http://www.popcrunch.com/page/5/

    Wow! You ARE getting famous!

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  131. Ok, I'm gonna put the linkfor the brazilian site for the portuguese speaking fans to laugh a bit.

    They say that young girls fanatism over Robert is so big that a fan named Jenny Kerkface made it. WTF?
    And how ever wants to buy it can get in touch with the kid that send its creation to the blog. How distorted can this get?

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  132. The link, dah:
    http://www.abril.com.br/noticias/diversao/robert-pattinson-vira-estampa-calcinha-feita-fa-508879.shtml

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  133. CTB / Claudette520October 30, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    You guys truly deserve all the hoopla that is happening right now - in a really good way! This blog is awesome from day one! Can't wait to see where this ride will take you! Buckle up and use this moment well! Enjoy! :-)

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  134. Wow, this was close to the top of a google search on Rob.

    http://news.screenstar.com/Article/432

    The panties are viral! (Er, um, nasty.)

    Congrats!

    Verification word: swedise. If I was a swedise model, I might have a shot at Rob.

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  135. I've been following the recent eruption over the pattinson panties and CANNOT believe that it's causing such a stir -- wait, let me clarify -- a negative stir. Ever since the day this was posted, I have been laughing my ass off over it and secretly praying that I could one day own them. I do not see what the big deal is about it?! Have I completely gone over the edge? Sure, they're a little over the top, but that's what makes them absolutely AMAZING!!!

    STY & JJ, don't let any of the negative comments thrown at you bring you down. You ladies are awesome!!

    For all you naysayers - don't get your panties in a bunch. Frankie --err-- Jasper says relax.

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  136. Your screen names and the name of the blog should clue people into the fact that nothing is taken seriously here. You're not called Snarkier than You and Jenny Jerkface for nothin!

    Keep on offending the public. Thats what we're here for.

    P.S. I love the fact that you made to "Best Week Ever"!

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  137. LMAO!!! so freakin neat!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

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  138. OMG, lmfao! Oh so VERY wrong, but nonetheless I can't stop laughing my ass off everytime I read this post. Especially all the 'innocent' comments ;)

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  139. Forgot to add, perhaps she should have made the eyes glow :P J/k.

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  140. Whoever made these should sieze this moment and get with a manufacturor & copywright lawyer ASAP....like FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING, b4 all the web buzz dies down. These are hysterical! I tried to buy some as a joke to give my girlfriends at the premiere of New Moon. You could probably commission an artist's rendering of rpattz (But not as Edward, that's the property of Summit. FYI: neither Summit nor the book publisher can copywright and apple or the use of a public domain font similar Twilight's. This CAN be done if your careful... and smart about it. If you don't do it, girlfriend, I will...because at this point, you've got NO COPYWRIGHT!

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  141. id totaly buy those if u made them what girl worldnt want his mouth on ur crotch. mass produce them like its the closest thing to fucking the guy.

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  142. THE funniest thing I have ever seen!! Two thumbs up to the creator and of course, absolutely jealous of the lucky owners!!

    To all the haters...your lives must be quite dull!

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  143. I just finished listening to the TwigasmPodcast... These were talked about in that.. Too funny.

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  144. Oh, are you growing a moustache?

    err, never mind, I should wipe better

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  145. Is there any chance AT ALL of these being produced in retail? I have a Twi-sessed (and Rob-sessed, actually!) friend and these would make an awesome secret santa present! Promise you'll think about it? :D

    Emily X

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  146. I NEEEDDDD these for a gag gift for a Christmas party. They are HILARIOUS! Please, tell us where we could buy a pair...I can't stop LAUGHING!!!

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  147. I know everyone else finds this funny, but... what the hell?

    That's just downright fucking creepy. :\ I wouldn't even imagine wearing panties with ANYONE'S face on them.

    Also, Robert isn't hot. I guess I just have weird tastes and think he's 'effing ugly.

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  148. omg to sexy i would were them always i want him pluse i am super horney and i wana befucked to ablivyin also i want him to fuck me i want his baby !!!!!

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  149. Cute and Awesome! But who is gonna wear a Pant with someone face on it?
    Genius Post, aww! ;)

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  150. is it just me, or does the inside mouth look a little amused? BTW... I want these!!

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  151. BWAHAHA! You gals have your very own Demotivational poster:

    http://verydemotivational.memebase.com/page/11/

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  152. If I had a pair I would definitely show them off. I wonder if they make those in full briefs (more picture area).

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  153. is it just me, or does the inside mouth look a little amused? BTW... I want these!!

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  154. LMAO!!! so freakin neat!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

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  155. The link, dah:
    http://www.abril.com.br/noticias/diversao/robert-pattinson-vira-estampa-calcinha-feita-fa-508879.shtml

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  156. Love them!! Yes, me want too!! I'll take the granny panty ones. LOL
    WEAR THEM!!!
    Red Bella, Now you need to get the pic of Rob sticking his tongue out or licking his lips. Ooooo, shiver!

    The DiVinyls song I touch myself comes to mind now. LOL!!

    Word verfi--Underm...hhmmm ;)

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  157. I am laughing like crazy over here! Wearing them on your heads when you storm the stage is a winner! Although, keep in mind, if they're easily removed, they'll be admitted as evidence in said court date for the restraining order.

    ROFL ROFL ROFL

    You ladies have brought tears to my eyes, yet again! LOL

    If Mr Snarky hadn't seen them already, I would vote for wear them just to see his reaction during sexy time LOLOLOLOLOLOL

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  158. @Red Bella - my comment above to Jenny is for you too!!

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  159. I've been following the recent eruption over the pattinson panties and CANNOT believe that it's causing such a stir -- wait, let me clarify -- a negative stir. Ever since the day this was posted, I have been laughing my ass off over it and secretly praying that I could one day own them. I do not see what the big deal is about it?! Have I completely gone over the edge? Sure, they're a little over the top, but that's what makes them absolutely AMAZING!!!

    STY & JJ, don't let any of the negative comments thrown at you bring you down. You ladies are awesome!!

    For all you naysayers - don't get your panties in a bunch. Frankie --err-- Jasper says relax.

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  160. Those are the best things I have ever seen. Pure genius to have his lips on your own lips!! I've very jealous ;)
    xxx

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  161. Wear them , of course!!! That would make your movie experience extra-special knowing what your undies are even though (hopefully) no one but yourselves will see them at the premiere!

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  162. Red Bella is a mad genius!! On one hand I would LOVE to see these available for the masses, but the slight heavenly glow that encompasses them at the moment because they are one of a kind is pretty fucking special too. Twitarded is fast becoming the new holy land....

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  163. Those are absolutely fantastic. And just when you thought they couldn't get better, BAM! His mouth in your crotch. Lucky ladies lol

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  164. If you won't wear them, I will! Any chance she'll mass-produce them for the rest of us??

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  165. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And probably as close to the real thing as I'm ever going to get! Oh My Goodness....I think my heart is going to explode it is beating so fast right now!!!!!!! I need a pair for every day of the week!

    v/w CONSU as in RPatz can consume me any time he wants!

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  166. Um, if you don't wear those to the premiere then I am going to - they are TOO awesome - especially the inside, LMFAO! I WANT SOME!!!
    - Lorabell :D

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  167. Red Bella-Well done, I love the creativity not to mention sewing skills.

    JJ and STY- wear them!!!!

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  168. Wear them! And yeah STY, I agree with the "lucky Twilight undies".

    I was looking at them and laughing so hard (while thinking that those are so mad sewing skills... How those one go about making undies???).

    Then, I saw the back and though "clever! A all-in-one".

    Then the liner! OMG! Too much! Genious.
    Red Bella, how do you feel about making these and selling them to fellow twitardeds?? Yeah, I'm jealous in a possessive kind of way.
    Me wants some edward-twitarded-twilight undies!!
    Way to go girl!

    Kisses, happy monday.

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  169. @Shaui - Thx for the shout-out! I get a "page not found" with your link though... : (

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  170. you have to wear them. So that you can tell people you have rpattz on your snatch..

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  171. This totally cracks my shit up! I'm falling out of my chair, then read: "Because how else can you get Robert Pattinson's autograph on your taint?" K, now I'm sitting on the floor laughing. Then I see the liner! Sorry, I need to get a little paper bag to breathe in because I'm hyperventilating!!!

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  172. @jelena "And I cannot believe I'm such a twitard this is not even that fucked up to me."
    LMAO This is how i feel, so funny though, You must wear them to the premier!lol

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  173. lol! these are great! i'm so jealous!
    btw you HAVE to wear them to the premier and any other twi related things.

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  174. i'm so jealousssssssss! WEAR THEM! oh how i love my fellow twitards! only this type of brilliance could come from you guys! :) i had to call my newly converted (she's team Jacob, WTF?!?!) sister into the room because i was laughing so hard!

    i TOTALLY agree that you guys should tell ellen about these. they are absolutely priceless! the adorable look on Robward's face would just kill me with cuteness! i can't even imagine!!

    i'll go to bed dreaming of Robward in my panties. ;)

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  175. Robward's mouth on your hoohoo, wahahaha. Effing funny. Also shared with my readers
    http://robstenation.blogspot.com/2009/10/twitarded-presents-pattinson-panties.html.
    JJ, STY, you guys are just the funniest!!!

    Shaui

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  176. OMG those are some of the most awesome things i have ever seen!!!

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  177. HAHAHA, Fucking hilarious! And I cannot believe I'm such a twitard this is not even that fucked up to me.

    WEAR 'EM is what I says! ;D

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  178. Oh wow! O.o!

    I had 3 thoughts bum rush my brain
    1.Edward, Aunt Flow, Aunt Flow Edward....
    2. How does one even make underpants?
    3. Red Bella you are crazy! (the good kind of course!)

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  179. HOLY SHIT...Red Bella is a fucking GENIUS. Tim Gunn would be proud. I would TOTES strut that shit on the runway.

    For sure you have to wear that for the NM premiere. It's extra lined, remember? It can handle it. And get some travel Woolite so you can wash it out overnight and wear them again in case that court date is the day after the premiere.

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  180. OME! You need to get these lil suckers out on the market! They are so naughty that I can't stop laughing. I would love a pair but hmmm not sure about the inside lol. NO ROTFLMFAO! That has to be the best lil gift ever! such a shame that they are worn under clothing though. I would totally want to show those off!

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  181. LMFAO!! Fucking BRILLIANT!! Ladies, you must wear them!!!

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  182. LMFAO
    =D
    Bikini bottoms! Share the Robward with the public masses.

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  183. There goes my faith in humanity. 9.9

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  184. I just discovered your post and I find it cool. I like it. Big thanks for sharing.


    Michelle

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  185. I love how you say It's like a bumper sticker but for your butt. Made me giggle.

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