Thursday, October 1, 2009

Twilight: Best Acting Ever... or Not???

Tap, tap, tap... is this thing on? Okay, good...

[Climbs on Soapbox]

I'm here today to talk about something that could be difficult to hear. You see, sometimes we love something very much. So much, in fact, that we tend to only see it for it's yummy goodness and fail to see the things that... well, ain't that fucking great! But, when that love grows bigger and bigger, more infallible...untouchable, even - well, one day we may wake up and realize...

Pthhhhp. Oh, fuck all this - I suck at being polite and diplomatic. Let me get straight to the point. The acting in Twilight blew a dirty dick (Billy Burke, you get a pass).

Lately, the only thing I've really been thinking about is the upcoming New Moon premiere. I sometimes wonder if I'll be this excited for other 'big' events in my life, like, say, getting married. Not sure. At this point I just want to be done with the whole home-buying and moving fiasco so that I can get back to the important things - like Twilight-related stuff...

Anyhoo, I have to admit that I was impressed with Taycob's acting chops in the trailer. He's pretty damn good, even for a youngster. I actually get the shivers [in a non-sexual way, I swear!] when he grabs Bella and says, "He left you, Bella. He didn't want you anymore." It's just an awesome line and he delivers it perfectly.

And let's not forget when he gets his mean face on and says "Don't. Get me upset." - grrrr! You rock on with your bad self, Taycob.

My abs will kick your ass while I sleep... RAWR!!!

Naturally, I started thinking about the collective acting skillz (and I use that term loosely) in Twilight. We've made it no secret here at Twitarded that Snarkier Than You and I both felt the acting was...less-than-good-ish. Somewhere in between KStew's stuttering, twitching and weird-ass head shaking, I couldn't help but notice that RPattz's, um, acting was only stellar in comparison. I didn't want to realize it but I did.


I totally thought she was going to go all Linda Blair at one point...

Rob Pattinson's acting chops were less than satisfactory. That's right, I said it. Jerkface, remember? C'mon, we've railed on poor KStew so many times about her face seizures and bellowing - it's RPattz's turn. Like his music, I'm basing my judgment purely on what little acting I have actually seen him do. You know what they say about opinions, after all.

I'm not saying that Rob Pattinson is a wretched actor, exactly... I thought he did a good job in How to Be and I honestly can't recall if he was good in Harry Potter, mainly because I was totally fixated on his gigantic caterpillar eyebrows. Seriously, I kept waiting for those fuckers to get all bewitched and maul his face or singlehandedly take out Lord Voldemort.

C'mon, hot or not, those things are HUGE...

Maybe it wasn't their (the actors, not the eyebrows) fault. Maybe Catherine Hardwicke's direction left something to be desired.

Catherine Hardwicke: Okay, this is a pivotal scene, RPattz. You're in Biology class after your long absence and you're about to introduce yourself to Bella. You want her blood and it's very difficult to hold back. Just pretend you have a butt plug shoved up your ass.

RPattz [furrowing caterpillars]: Pardon me, but I don't quite follow? What does my ass have to do with wanting to kill her? I just think that being anally probed and thirsting after her blood would look... different, perhaps?

CH: Who is the director here, you little shit? Oh, and in that other scene when you say 'My family... We are not like others of our kind...' I want you to channel your best Christopher Walken. Got it? GOT IT?!

[STY note - personally I blame Stephenie Meyer for this - she gave him Midnight Sun to read, and he went all method-acting bonkers with it... possibly a little too much... I have always wanted to go back and see if there was a notable difference between his acting/portrayal of Edward during the part covered in Midnight Sun vs. the rest of the movie, but of course I am too busy blogging about Twilight to actually spend much time watching the movie...]

So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.***

Now, perhaps some of this was covered or touched upon in the director's commentary DVD but I never actually watched it so I don't know. I wanted to but I can barely focus enough to watch a movie so viewing a movie while the actors and director are yapping over it was enough to make my brain go into an ADD tailspin and blow up. Yup, I suck. You're going to have tie me to a chair and hold my eyes open all A Clockwork Orange-esque and I'll probably still totally lose my train of thought [yet another note from STY: I promise to make this happen this weekend...].

Oh, and don't forget to throw some daggers in the general direction of Melissa Rosenwhatever, the screenwriter. Somehow she's managed to hitch her wagon to all three movies, and it's yet to be seen whether this was a good move or not. After all, she's responsible for the lines they have to say, and things have been a little hinky thus far...

Don't get me wrong, you all know I love RPattz. Dearly. Lustily. However, I can't help but want to slap him silly for coming up with the gem that is 'hold on, spider-monkey' if only because it very nearly got me forcibly removed from the movie theater the first time I saw it (not that the alternatives were any great shakes). I had to shove my scarf in my mouth to keep from laughing hysterically. Then again, what did we really expect from the dude who also coined 'Spunk Ransom'?

Spider Monkey or not, I wish I was KStew in this picture. But the positions would be reversed. And we would be in a bed. Naked. But otherwise JUST like this...

That being said, I think the acting in New Moon is going to be much, much better. I can only assume they sent those cute kids to acting school in between, or maybe they both shared a bong hit and went halfsies on a 'Acting for Dummies' book but I see some serious improvement when I saw the NM trailer. When RPattz growls 'you can go to hell' I'm pretty sure my panties self-combusted.

I know, I know - who the hell am I to judge? I couldn't act my way out of a paper bag if my life depended on it, though I did audition for a musical once. When I was finished nasally warbling/screeching whatever-the-fuck song I had chosen and saw the horrified looks on the casting director's face I knew that the silver screen was not where I was headed. I get that you have to have a modicum of talent to make it in the movie business (Keanu Reeves being the exception) and I give the whole cast a lot of credit.

This isn't me but it might as well be.

But RPattz, I swear to shit if you look constipated in New Moon I'm going to be pissed. The same goes for you, Jacksper. Just sayin'...

Someone call the wahmbulance. Jenny Jerkface is being totally cunty again... I iz sad.


And since I'm on a Christopher Walken kick... if you haven't seen this video you really should. It's awesome.

82 comments:

  1. AMEN !!!!!!!!!!!!

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  2. Oh goodness...I'm one of the first to comment. Eeek!

    Well... I do have to say I agree that the acting wasn't 'all that' in Twilight, but I honestly believe it was the directors fault. She gave SHITTY direction. She's a fucking flake! (I give her props for the soundtrack, but that's it!). JJ - YOU HAVE to watch the commentary on the DVD. You can totally tell that Kristen and Rob are very embarrassed about Twilight...they crack jokes practically the whole time. And throughout the commentary you see more and more what a flake ass Catherine is.

    I'm not saying Rob is the new Pacino or Dustin Hoffman, but the poor kid needed a little guidance, and he got dick. (Mmmmmmm Rpattz dick.... oh, sorry).

    Somewhere I saw or read - probably the commentary and extras you didn't watch - that she had them ad-lib the script in parts. She let these kids write their own dialogue. WTF!!! It's fucking movie, not a play god dammit! I know...there are some movies where it works - but usually the actors have some serious chops and an Oscar or two. Give the actors lines to memorize and stick to the script -- whether it's a good one or bad -- don't fucking ad-lib.

    Another thing you learn in the extras is that their budget was extra small AND a few of the scenes were shot in 10 minutes. The one I'm specifically talking about is the one right after Robward freaks out in the meadow and rips the branch from the tree (yes, that totally makes me cringe), and Bella and Edward have their moment and he leans in to talk to her closely and put his had on the rock -- you know the one I'm taking about -- I think they literally had 5 minutes to shoot it.

    Oh oh oh -- also, you know in the hospital scene where the fucking camera is all in Edwards face (HORRIBLE camera work HORRIBLE editing - ALL shit-hardwicks fault)... Rob was doing parts of the scene with Catherine b/c Kristen was in her trailer with the f'ing tutor b/c she had to go to school.

    OK - I'm so rambling right now...

    BUT you really have to see the movie with the commentary b/c it will make you realize that the actors were totally fucked... in the ass... without lube. The director gave them shit to work with.

    I hope New Moon and Chris Weitz prove me right on my soap box rambling!! =)

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  3. OK I have some big love for Kstew - but when I watched Adventureland - I groaned to the heavens realizing - same performance - abit 180 degree character. Damn!
    And I wasn't a How to Be Fan...but at least it WAS 180 degree performance for a 180 degree character.
    And if someone wants to be turned on to twilight - well - i just can't watch anymore..."Bella, we can't be friends".."Hello..NaNu NaNu..I'm edward Cullen".. and the stupid ass sparkling and the flying scene..Oh MUST close eyes..it was like watching a H.S. production of Peter Pan.
    That said I have high hopes for Chris Weitz and New Moon. I'm excited..
    Nanu NaNu..Happy Friday!

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  4. P.S. - the Fat Boy Slim / Christopher Walken video is one of my favorites! Fabulous way to end tonight's post!

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  5. JJ, I have to agree with you on this. The acting is pretty bad in Twilight and not just with Rob and Kristen but Justin and the rest of the kids too. I fucking hate when Justin is like 'La Push baby, La Push'. How much fault to blame on Catherine/the actors? Don't know but let's hope with Chris that he schooled these kids. The actors that play the wolf pack all look like they can actually act, so I'm very confident that New Moon will be way better than Twilight. Shit you can only go up from the bottom, right? It's because of Twilight the movie that most people hate Twilight, so let's hope that Chris brings it.

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  6. I truly believe Billy Burke was the only one who nailed his character in Twilight...such a natural! Sorry, I do love RPattz like anyone here, but the moment he entered the screen I didn't even find him attractive. He's just a walking constipation! And his girl didn't help much. KStew was annoyingly complementing his acting suckability..

    *really crossing my fingers to New Moon*

    Rob was adorable in Bad Mothers Handbook. He's gorgeous in Harry Potter (a wee bit better acting than in Twilight). He's silly looking in The Rings of Nebu-something(sorry can't remember). He could have done better in Little Ashes. Though The Wingman was promising. But we all know he's dedicated to his 'craft.' Right girls? And there's no doubt he have all our support. :)

    And I hope he becomes as cool as Christopher Walken later in his acting life. That man truly rocks!

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  7. I know you're prob. wondering who the fuck is this 'awcrap' and why is she always commenting? I'm sorry; I just can't help myself since I've discovered your wicked blog.
    Today you voiced/wrote what I've been keeping locked inside my head and trying to deny---the acting in Twilight wasn't....... (oh this is hard to type).... very good. RPattz is always hot, but could've been juice producin' H.O.T. Someone needed to tell Kristen that she was supposed to look DAZZLED not BEWILDERED.
    AND Where was the sense of humour, the sarcasm in the script. There was NONE because Twilight was hacked to death by the same screenwriter with whom they've already entrusted New Moon and Eclipse.
    I am very scared BUT I have already seen that Chris Weitz is 500% better than Kathy so New Moon HAS to be better. RIGHT?
    I have to admit that the trailers and the pics have already got my juices running a time or to, so, I'm pretty sure, on Nov. 20, I'd better pack some spare undies in my purse 'cause I KNOW I'm gonna need them.

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  8. I know you're prob. wondering who the fuck is this 'awcrap' and why is she always commenting? I'm sorry; I just can't help myself since I've discovered your wicked blog.
    Today you voiced/wrote what I've been keeping locked inside my head and trying to deny---the acting in Twilight wasn't....... (oh this is hard to type).... very good. RPattz is always hot, but could've been juice producin' H.O.T. Someone needed to tell Kristen that she was supposed to look DAZZLED not BEWILDERED.
    AND Where was the sense of humour, and the sarcasm? There was NONE because Twilight was hacked to death by the same screenwriter with whom they've already entrusted New Moon and Eclipse.
    I am very scared BUT I have already seen that Chris Weitz is 500% better than Kathy so New Moon HAS to be better. RIGHT?
    I have to admit that the trailers and the pics have already got my juices running a time or to, so, I'm pretty sure, on Nov. 20, I'd better pack some spare undies in my purse 'cause I KNOW I'm gonna need them.

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  9. You haven't watched the directors commentary?! You must. I don't usually (read: ever) listen 2 it but it is utterly hilarious. Cathy the Cougar appears in hilarity a hell of a lot, KStew being well, KStew And the way Rob says beaufont is the best part of the movie. Watch it! You seriously wont regret it.

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  10. I just almost peed my pants! I have seen the Christopher Walken video before and it is freaking hilarious.

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  11. The part of the movie that still bugs the HELL out of me to this day, no matter how many times I watch it is after James bites Bella and KStew goes all cross eyed while she is moaning. Geez. Bugs the shit outta me.

    BTW....that video....the one with Walken dancing around is fucking AWESOME! LMAO!!!

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  12. I highly recommend watching it with the commentary...definitely worth it! :)

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  13. I personally believe the director has the MOST to do with the actor's ultimate performance. Billy was great and obviously needed very little direction. I also thought the few lines Taylor had in Twilight were very good so I have high hopes for his bigger role in New Moon. The director is the one who tells Jackson to look "pained" and then says "yeah that constipated look is perfect. Cut! Print!" Cougar Cathy did leave way too many decisions up to her young cast and should have provided a better overall vision. She also is responsible for the spider monkey line-not Rob. She gave him a list of 8-10 lines he could have chosen (spider
    monkey being one of them) and Rob thought that line was
    the weirdest most random thing to say, so that's the one he
    picked. (blecch) I have to admit I hated most of Rob's performance the first time I saw the movie. Then the more I heard his comments and interviews themore I understood
    his thought process. He said he was constantly being told
    to lighten up and play it happier. He felt Edward would not
    be happy, have no reason to live, would feel annoyed just
    walking across the room because he'd be forced to use a
    "human pace"

    Anyway, I'm really hoping Chris W. Is able to put a more
    professional spin on New Moon and can make a movie
    that we love AND are proud of.

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  14. The director's commentary???? Seriously - about as compelling as listening to endless car tunes that 4 year olds love to hear over and over and over again. I cringe just remembering it. Kstew and Rob never finish a single sentence...and CH just kept drooling over Rob.

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  15. Oh can I just comment on the fact that I REALLY wish they would have fired the hair and make up crew. (based on the set pics I've seen from New Moon, they obviously didn't so blecch for that!). Every one of those Cullen/Hale boyz are a thousand times hotter before hair and make-up dipshits got their meaty little hands on them. Can you imagine watching New Moon with Rob as Rob? Peter as Peter? Kellan and Jackson?? Oh my. I think I would explode! And that's not even factoring in the new wolfpack.

    So I guess I'm already gearing up to overlook the bad wigs
    and well, the make-up is at least better than Twilight so
    there's that. Even so, I really do have high hopes that New Moon will be good! :D

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  16. 1) I'm making the classic mistake of reading my twiblogs while watching TV with the hubs, as I'm reading yours I start laughing out loud, so he comes over to see what I'm looking at. In kicks my conditioned reaction of switching the page to something non twi before he gets over her (he thinks I have some kind of problem or something *eye roll*) and I realize a second too late that I'm pointlessly flopping between about eight tabs of twilight related stuff. I just lost it and of course he needs to know why and I have to fess up ... awkwwwwarrrrd!!!!

    2) Beyond my issues, I agree that the acting is terrible! I readily admit to anyone who try to diss twilight when they hear I'm a fan that the movie is TERRIBLE, but, we'll all watch it anyway because it's to date the only Twi movie we have!!!

    IMO/from what I've heard/read CH had SO much to do with how terrible it was!!! In all the interviews with the cast when questions were asked about how it's different working with CW vs CH, they all hedged around as much as they could, but, basically said that CH was crazy and it was really stressful to work with her, and that CW was very clear, calm, and much nicer to work with.

    I have a lot of hope! And really, even if it does suck, I'll watch it over and over anyway till June when Eclipse comes out, and I'll repeat the same sad cycle!

    3) Christopher Walkin is one of my favorite comedic actors of all time!

    - veriword - felli
    as in relating to the fellatio I think we're all wiling to perform on most if not all of the male cast ...

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  17. I honestly believe it was Catherine's style of in your face directing that made the actors a bit uneasy. It cannot be too settling to have the director and cameras up your nostrils when you are trying to concentrate on being a mind reading vampire and a inner dialogue teen falling in love with one.

    Not to mention being unaware of what the film was about to become.

    I am hoping beyond hope I can come out of the New Moon movie being able to say "see, see, it was all CH's fault!" 'Cause if they are really terrible actors, well, that's just more years I have to say "yes I understand what you are saying but..."

    Anyway bring on New Moon, and good on ya for speaking the truth.

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  18. First off, I LOVE the spider-monkey line. In fact I think every movie should be required to have a spider-monkey line. But hey, that's just me!

    I know the general consensus is that CH f'd the movie up. I'd like to give Scummit and MR equal billing on that. Summit didn't give them dick (huh, huh) for budget and schedule. And that script! Gah, don't get me started. Don't ya think it was a no-brainer that the movie was gonna be friggin' HUGE. Throw some money at it and get some experienced, talented people on the thing!

    Tha actors I'm giving a pass. I've only seen KStew in Panic Room and I liked it. RPatz I thought did great in How To Be and the Potter movie. What I've seen of the Bad Mother's Handbook looks good too. He should definitely do more comedy a la Hugh Grant. I can't bring myself to watch Little Ashes (or read E/J fanfic!) ... I can't handle him going brokeback LOL

    I still watch the movie quite often. To laugh at the cheese and enjoy the few scenes that are decent, and look at Rob LOL

    That being said I'm sure New Moon is gonna be SO much better. I mean it'd have to be, right? But I still love you Twilight, flaws and all :-)

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  19. I SOOOO AGREE! The acting was laughable. I don't blame the director either, even though Jeff Spicoli, I mean, Catherine Hardwick annoys me to no end.

    I've seen Kstew in other movies and she's just as twitchy and blinky and stuttery.

    RPatz is just "eh". I'm looking forward to how he does in future movies because I think he has potential and I want to bang him. My only prayer is that in New Moon he doesn't say "um" between every line like he did in Twilight. That bugged the ever-loving shit outta me.

    That video of KStew's Twilight performance was hilarious! EMOTE Kristen....EMOTE!

    IMO, Charlie & Jessica were stand outs as far as being believable.

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  20. You somehow managed to forget the incredibly shitty camerawork.

    One moment Rpatz is all "say it, say it out loud"-intense, next you're looking at a tree... Don't build up tension and show us a tree, for fucks sake?!

    Don't even get me started on the dialogues in which they film only one of the people in it.
    How did you think they managed to edit out Kstew and Buffy in on youtube?

    *Le Sigh*

    Woa, that must have been my first comment with a opinion formed beforehand..

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  21. I agree and thereare parts of the first movie that I can barely stand to watch, mainly the tree-root ripping bit and the part where he's driving her back from the restaurant and they stop at the police station, the linesare delivered all stilted.

    Say what you like about Kristen Stewart, but in years to come, when that Parkinson's sufferer role comes, she's got it in the bag. Hope that didn't offend anyone, but that's all I could think watching the vid clips there. Sadly I'm already worried about New Moon, rewatch the trailer (as if you need an excuse!) and see how she says "What?" when Alice has just told her that the love of her life has gone to get himself killed.

    Not that it changes anything for me, if it's got RPattz in, I'll take it, I really am that shallow...like most of the rest of you ;o)

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  22. Well I feel like I am only piping in here at this late hour because well, I always do BUT clearly you have all pretty much stated my exact opinions. Short version: Twilight sucked, still bought it, can't count how many times I have seen it, loved Billy Burke, LOVED the commentary (JJ is this akin to you not watching SNL--what up girl?), there were moments of greatness (Baseball scene except for the grrrrr part at the end, the fight scene was pretty good until KStew botched it with the screaming, any scene with Charlie in it--especially the gun scene, etc.)but mostly it made me cringe, RPattz is hot, I forget what I am listing now....

    As for RPAttz as an actor, I have hope but I am still on the fence. I saw Little Ashes and (BR549 I am looking at you) he was really pretty good in it and the love scenes were hot! I also thought he was great in How To Be but I did not particularly like the movie-he was OK in the rest. I think Remember Me will be an interesting determining factor on my decision of him as an actor. KStew--well I agree with the video above.

    Oh, and I really do think CH botched A LOT of things about Twilight but I also think she did some things really right--like SOME of the casting--especially Billy Burke--yay!

    JJ loved the Fat Boy Slim/Christopher Walken vid--he is fucking brilliant....though every time I see him it makes me think of "The Deer Hunter" which then makes me kind of sad and freaked out.

    @mmMoxie--loved the Jeff Spicoli reference--ha!

    Let me end by saying I truly think New Moon is going to be way better--I just can't imagine that Chris Weitz would allow for crap. When they announced they were switching directors for New Moon I was beyond thrilled. OK enough blog commentor diarrhea from me. Nighty night Twitards!

    Holy carp my V/W is 'nesse'. WTF?

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  23. After a few glasses of wine I probably shouldn't comment but obviously this movie is a huge hurdle for us Twitards when dealing with the outside world and their *ahem* opinions. I pretty much blame CH (CougarHore) and MR (MamaRandomdialog) for the shitty parts. They obviously wanted to paint a teen angst love story with a heavy brush of indigo blue. Kristen mostly looked like she didn't know her lines and hoped a look of confusion would cover it. I don't like admitting out loud that Robert may not be Oscar material based on this movie because that would make my inappropriate hots less explicable. Whatever.

    Yet I too play the stupid DVD over and over, fast forwarding through butt-crack Santa and the pivotal kitchen scene with Bella and Charlie (WTF and why??) only to swoon at the impasse and wish that Rob-I-mean-Edward loved me enough to keep me human. Whatever.

    All that said, I'm irrevocably in love with the New Moon trailers and shots so far. I vow to have Chris Weitz's babies if he does my favorite book right and in the same breath, promise to sell them to the gypsies if he fucks it up. Whatever.

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  24. @JJ - Oooh, this was a tough one. Wasn't sure it was you until paragraph 4 with the married comment. You refrained from using excessive f-bombs and no bodily functions before paragraph four. Although, the word infallible made me think of phallic and that threw me. Your point.

    VW: sessess; since I'm drinking everything I say sounds like this!

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  25. Hey Suzspetals-love all your comments!

    W/V: retar.....haha...this obsession makes me feel like a retard sometimes. Uh totally didn't mean to offend anyone.

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  26. "I have a fever, and the only prescription is more cow bell!"

    "I'm just like you. I put on my pants one leg at a time. Only when my pants are on.. I make gold records."

    Best Walken skit ever.

    Verification word: facoc
    As in..
    I was with Rob all night and he loved me for hours with his facoc.

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  27. Ah, JJ & STY, and this is why I love Twitarded so much. I love that I can come here and not feel alone in my disturbing obsession of all things Twilight, and yet not be accused of having DID when expressing just how much I hated the acting- and, well, just about everything- the Twilight movie brought to the table.

    I've been quite successful at getting most of the ladies in my life to cross over and join me on the Twilight dark side, but it was an especially difficult labor of love to convince the ones who'd watched the movie first. UGH!

    Frankly, I place equal blame on the director and the screenwriter. And of course there's that whole thing about Summit pimping out the Twilight phenomenon to no end for those obsessed fans who'll pay puku bucks for anything Twilight. To be honest I was contemplating not watching the New Moon movie, just because I was so traumatized at how they'd done a thorough job of desecrating the first book on film, but one look at shirtless Robward in Volterra and I knew I couldn't resist, damn it. My only hope is that the movie lives up to the trailers... but with Chris Weitz admitting that anyone could've directed the movie and it still would've made money, and with Rosenberg continuing at the screen writing helm, I can't help but be anxious.

    @Jennifer... KStew's twitching and crossed eyes, LoL! I'm gonna have to agree with you there. While I stewed (no pun intended) over how cheesy the movie was, my BFF could not get over the fact that KStew was twitchy and cross-eyed in just about every scene.

    @JJ... I love Christopher Walken, but I have to say the Mary Katherine photo was the piece de resistance this entry ;).

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  28. Usually I agree like a brainwashed Twitarded zombie with everything you guyz say AND the peanut gallery. But, uh... I don't find the performances as bad - in fact I've seen Rob, Kristen and Billy praised in plenty of reviews, which suggests there are very different ideas about what is 'good' vs 'bad' acting flying around. The scenes between Bella and Charlie were the most naturalistic and low-key. the highschool kids were all using a heightened 'teen movie' kind of cartoonish acting. Rob did his best to portray a non-human character, trying to suppress his animal nature and pass for human in a human environment - and I liked what he did with the role. Plus the voice he did was sexy as fuck. OK, there's some crappy constipated bits, but that's partly the framing and angle. I admit, I swing between roflmao and *swooon* watching that film.

    one last thing and then I'll shut the hell up --- people here are laughing at the fact that the hospital scene was shot without Kristn there -- dudes, don't you know most films are shot using stand-ins when you just want the close-up dialogue of one actor? Gawd, Cary Grant had to speak his lines in one film to a suit on a fucking coat-hanger when his co-star left for dinner for fucks sake!

    ok... sorry to get all srs bsns...i've had a few wines and really, I figure if it was *that* bad, I couldn't possibly have watched it 20 times, EVEN for the lolz.

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  29. It's funny, the first time I saw Twilight I didn't think the acting was bad, on the contrary. But then, the second time, it all just seemed so fake - and you're right, RP looked totally constipated.

    But I disagree with you, from what I've seen in the NM trailer, the acting has not improved at all, if anything, it became worse, if that's even possible. But we'll just have to wait and see, maybe they'll surprise us.

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  30. @Zwolsche Diva - I said the exact same thing the first time I saw the movie and I keep saying it. He just admits to the fact that he's a vampire and we get a fucking tree! A blue true at that.

    @Lisa - "oh" um...uh... I did not realize that about filming. I'm kinda embarassed about that...I mean for craps sake I have a degree in theatre. BUT, theatre and film are different when it comes to performing so maybe that's why I'm so shocked that Rob had to perform to Catherine (not a stand-in but the director..maybe b/c of the low budget).

    I guess what I'm really am trying to say is that Rob is a good actor and with some really great direction and coaching, I bet he can be great!

    As far as Kristen, I think she's a good actor too. And I feel like I'm really missing something. I'm questioning my judgement and reality basically b/c so many people think she sucks, and I can honestly say I don't. I'm a HUGE critic when it comes to plays, movies and actors and all production aspects (remember, theatre background)... So for me to say someone is good, I really have to mean it. And I think she's good. In Twilight, she had bad direction...someone didn't tell her stop or "try this..."... Catherine just probably said "dude, that fucking rocks."

    My additional two cents at 6:50 a.m. EDT.

    Now for my coffee...

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  31. Holy Shit! How did you stumble across that video? I LOVE me some wierd-ass Walken! I, too, am hoping for some better acting/lines in New Moon.

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  32. OME - how in the hell did you find that video? Shiz-terical! And the catapiller comments had me trying desperately not to laugh in my office - major lollage!
    Now, don't hate me but, I think KStew can act (if overly twitchely) - did you SEE "Speak"? I can not imagine being that young and playing that part - uh-may-zing!
    P.s. "Lustily" may be the best word in creation!

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  33. I take it Fat Boy Slim never conquered the US then???!

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  34. I have to agree that the acting in this movie was less than stellar but feel that it had little to do with the actors, since most of them were pretty green (except Billy Burke)and a lot to do with the director - did she even read the fucking book!?! But what really sucked ass was the special effects - I mean really, when they are in the woods and he throws her on his back to "run" up the hill....WTF was that??!?!? It looked like that game on "The Price Is Right" with the mountain climber going up the hill - that could not have been any cheesier!! Seriously, my DH and I burst out laughing and ended up insulting my 13 y/o daughter. I'm also assuming that maybe the budget had a little to do with it - everything I've read has said they had no idea it would go to be this big and it was a very low budget production.

    I think that EVERYTHING about "New Moon" already looks a gazillion times improved - the acting, the camerawork, the special effects and I think that Chris Weitz has his head actually OUT of his ass for this one. I am really looking forward to it.

    That being said - I have been calling my local theater weekly to confirm when early ticket sales for the midnight showing was going on sale and have been told repeatedly that not until November 1st. So at lunch yesterday, I'm out cruising around, drive by the theater and the sign says "now on sale - New Moon tickets" ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!! Literally locked up my brakes and u-turned my Toyota ass into the parking lot. WHOOHOO - got the tickets for the 1st showing - bitch of it is, they are offering a special for $12.00 you could watch it back to back - FUCK THE WORK GODS TO HELL!!! I'm already going to be dead on my feet at the office since I can't get the day off, I would soooo do this!

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  35. You know it's funny because I really got wrapped up in CH's personality once I "discovered" Twilight last year several months before the movie came out (I KNOW!! I can't believe it either but it's only been a little over a year since this obsession kicked off!). And what was not to like??? She's an artist and passionate and and humble and funny and really kept the fans in the loop... Then I saw the movie... And I was bummed but I kept seeing it again anyway. When they decided to change directors, I was pissed! But then when I thought about it, it occurred to me that despite whatever "loyalty" I may have felt to CH, it would be absurd for me to want her to direct all of the movies after the job she did on Twi (and yes, I am aware that the challenges she faced while filming were many).

    Anyhoo, my two cents. And I promise that JJ and I will sit down sometime in the next week and watch the Commentary version of the dvd - we actually DID start to watch it a while back, but we got about ten minutes in and looked at each other and said "this is annoying...wanna just watch the movie instead???" and that's what we did. There. I admitted it... : )

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  36. @ STY, check out RAOR, they've come up with a drinking game to go with the commentary, you might cope better with it that way ;o)

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  37. JJ, I think I love you. Just a little. You've outlined 99.9999% of my gripe with the movie. (I won't go into the whole "why did we describe this in minute detail in the book and then go a whole other direction in the movie" direction... it's several posts unto itself.)

    In The Goblet of Fire, Rob didn't have to act much. He just had to be good, loyal, Hufflepuff-y (yes, I made up that word just now, thanks) Cedric Diggory. I mean, Cedric really doesn't get a whole bunch of screen time, and everyone is paying attention to Harry anyway, so it didn't matter much.

    I honestly have not been a big K-Stew fan. Wasn't crazy about her in Adventureland. Am concerned about her performance as Joan Jett in The Runaways movie. Haven't seen anything in the trailer to make me think things have improved, although New Moon Bella is supposed to act like a zombie, so maybe it will be better.

    And, because it bears mentioning, the Fatboy Slim "Weapon of Choice" video with C. Walken is one of the best ever. Hands down one of my all-time favorites, right up there with the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" send up of Streets of San Francisco, the Foo Fighters' "Learning to Fly" among others.

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  38. I can't get over the fact that Rob's eyes are never looking at what they are suppose to be. The biology scene is a good example, also I hate the look on his face when he gets in the car after saving Bella from her would be rapists. Another example of this is the creepy smile on his face in the prom scene after he kisses her neck. If he was not so hot I would have been totally lost right there. I do love the movie and totally agree that things look better in New Moon.

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  39. @Stan - Thank you for just introducing me to RAOR! How did I not know about this blog??!

    Can't wait to play the drinking game this weekend!!

    W/V - "dryse" as in...how does one stay dryse when viewing pictures of RPattz (especially the Interiew Mag ones)?!? ;)

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  40. Okay. I have come out of blog-stalkerdom to comment. Firstly I absolutely ADORED that Chris Walken vid. Fan-rummin-tastic!
    Secondly, I am sooooooo worried that Kstew is gonna make Bella's most heart-wrenching scenes (i.e. Edward leaving her in the woods) look like she just swallowed a fly and had to have a little lie down to recover. Honestly, I can see absolutely no display of emotion there at all. I realise she's supposed to be numb with shock (eventually), but surely there'd be a bit more of a note of panic in her voice.
    Oh, and I thought Rachelle showed great acting chops in Twilight - way to go Summit....plebs

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  41. Agree with everyone here. I blame the evil trinity: Summit/CH/M. Rosencrack. What really gets me is that in interviews with CH and MR. they seem to think that they did justice to SM's work. "We stuck to the book, we really tried hard to be true to her vision,etc." I sometimes wonder if they read the same books.

    As far as NM goes, we can only hope that Rosencrack did better. I did not read the leaked script but we have already seen where she wrote in new scenes. I think CW went on the record as saying that he was most impressed with Taycob's acting in this movie. Good b/c my only other experience with him is "Shark Boy and Lava Girl"

    As far as Rob's skills go, I too hate his constipated acting style but again he was acting under CH direction. The best scene was in the restaurant when he is explains that he can't stay away from her anymore. The look on his face is just so Edward....

    The worst actor in Twilight by far, for me, is Cam Gigawhatever...his head cock at the baseball game and the smelling scene in the woods when he is "tracking" her; just awful.

    You must watch the commentary. I think they are all stoned while taping it....CH is such a ditz and totally wants to jump RPattz...

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  42. Yes, yes, and yes! I literally cringe at my boy in the "as if you could"/"Imma rip a tree out this mountain wall here while I sparkle" --wait--where'd he go? oh. he's just chillin' in a tree scene.

    I fastforward to the Rob-o-licious bed kissing scene, the REO Speedwagon "I can't fight this feeling any longer" dinner scene, and the end gazebo (I wanna live there) prom scene more that I care to confess for fear I'd be crowned Queen Twitard of the Day.

    Love Billy B's halo and gunshot scene. Justin's worm-on-a-stick scene is good acting--ironically, 'cause the goofy giggle is probably not acting at all. K-Stew's writhing-moaning-groaning ballet studio scene makes me feel dirty 'cause nobody wants to watch another human being experience a world-class awkward orgasm.

    God, I love you all for your hilarious comments!

    @SharonMacross--"As in..
    I was with Rob all night and he loved me for hours with his facoc." I have tears trailing down my face from laughing so hard!

    @Twinatic--So funny! Done the same with my hubby--as if he doesn't know though, right? One time I literally clicked out of all my Twilight tabs in a mad rush to lose evidence, which only left me staring at my Grizzly Rob desktop face staring back at me.

    Hubby thinks I just spend my non-working hours just staring at my desktop Rob . . ., which, I suppose I do. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

    Oh, and commentary Rob makes me look like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. I can't wipe away my goofy grin when I listen to his real Brit voice. Afterwards, I have to do those fish-pucker cheek exercises to counteract my I-smiled-so-long-my-cheeks-hurt.

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  43. Since I'm taking a big poop on all the actors and CH, I might as well throw in the FX crew because they SUCKED. Just figured I'd get that out there. I know a few of you have already said it.

    Now I actually want to see the commentary and watch CH make a hormonal ass out of herself, not that I can blame her because I would probably be dry humping RPattz's leg if I could get close enough.

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  44. "Maybe Catherine Hardwicke's direction left something to be desired."

    EXACTLY!

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  45. @JJ – Yay! I’m happy that we all accomplished the task of getting you to WANT to see the commentary. And now with this drinking game Stan referred us to, you’ll sure to have a blast!

    Promise us you’ll post about your experience?!

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  46. Ok, I can properly comment now that I've calmed myself. I agree with you in part, but see my reasons why I don't think the actors are to blame:

    1) I blame Catherine Hardwicke and Melissa Rosenwhatever (as you so lovingly called her). KStew can act. Her other movies are fab. And even RPatz was good in the Harry Potter movie.

    2) You really should watch the DVD commentary! It's F*ING HILARIOUS! You really will find it interesting and FUNNY as HELL! Both Rob and KStew make fun of themselves throughout the ENTIRE commentary. And it shows you what a terrible director Catherine was as well. She admits to rushing the actors and not having time to finish scenes properly. Rob even states in one part that the scene where they are running from James makes absolutely no sense to him and wonders what the hell the point was (to Katherine) and she has no answer.

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  47. I could list director's mistakes all day long, but besides totally not blaming her for wanting to bang Rob, I do credit her for getting this movie made. She got a *few* things right. I really like the quick cafeteria scene where Edward catches the apple in two hands--totally CH's idea. Maybe cheesy, but I like it. Ugh until KS starts in with her gawdawful delivery of the "radioactive spider" line...

    I found a podcast of some interview with CH and RP and I'm convinced without CougarCathy our little film wouldn't exist. For some reason she was the little darlin of one of the film festivals, so Summit really wanted to work with her and gave her her choice of 4-5 scripts. (or now that I know what Summit is like, maybe it was strictly the fact that she
    was cheap. Whatev the reason...). CH said she was intrigued by Twilight script, then read the book and came back to tell Summit she would do it, but that they had to dump the script and rewrite it based on the source material. She said it was awful....first line read. "Bella was her highschool track star..." .a few pages later she was having lunch in the diner with James....

    Meh. I could bore you for hours talking "movies" so I just have to cut myself off. Since the Twitardy gals already called me out as a dirrty whore I'll admit that even if New
    Moon doesn't live up to my hopeful expectations, I will still watch it over and over, mostly in a vain attempt to satisfy my inexplicable Rob obsession. Sometimes I wish he would do something SO bad that will make me just walk AWAY. I even watched most of Little Ashes ,which I found posted on Youtube, thinking it would surely serve as a good hose-down....No such luck. Rob is even HOT when he's kissing another dude! Srsly can't explain it.

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  48. ok, so I AGREE. in fact, when i saw the movie in the theater for the first time, i had trouble not laughing through almost the ENTIRE movie. i was mortified.
    it has since grown on me (in the subsequent 20 times i've watched it), but i will never forget the feeling of severe disappointment that i had after that first watch.

    i've gotta defend melissa rosenberg here...she pens one of my absolute favorite shows, DEXTER. it helps that michael c. hall is an excellent actor, but he couldn't single-handedly make that show as spectacular as it is.

    i think rob was trying too hard to be james dean or marlon brando. and it came off as rather corny. hopefully he's learned his lesson. I STILL LOVE YOU, ROB.

    even though i also love the movie "thirteen," the blame has still gotta go to catherine. WTF was she thinking? i've seen most of the cast in other projects where they gave vastly better performances. although, don't get me started on ashley greene...the girl is gorgeous, but she can't act for shit. i'm sorry. now, who's being a jerkface? me.

    love the post. can't wait for NM!

    -jane

    p.s. "weapon of choice" is one of the best videos EVER :)

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  49. Ok, there were definitly parts that made me cringe, but I will give CH props, I love the lanscape shots she got, they were very beautiful. MR needs to go away and never come back. Now for the actors, I think they were all good, and did THEIR personal best with the direction and cheesy script. I have seen the actors in other parts and they all did ten times better than Twilight, given that it was rushed and a cheesy script well you know it turned out ok in my opinion, there is always room for improvements. Just don't get me started on the editing. If I think a movie is that bad I will watch it a second time to give it a chance, but after that no more, and Twilight, while bad in some parts still had me coming back for more & the movie got me hooked on the books. I think everyone is New Moon looks a lot better & the film itself look like it takes on a more healthy glow.

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  50. why is it that all of the video links posted on here always seem to be disabled for me? stupid college campus. >.>

    anyway, i agree wholeheartedly about the acting. i've got nothing to compare kristen to because i haven't seen adevntureland or whatever and i wasn't paying attention to robert in harry potter cuz i'm all daniel radcliffe! <3 so yeah. all i'm going off of is twilight, and the acting stinks. i make an exception for taylor lautner, but not for billy burke. i wasn't a fan of his charlie. he didn't seem to fit the character to me. he seemed more outspoken than charlie should have been. not embarrassed enough and such. kristen is just a terrible bella. i wouldn't have cast her, and moreso, after i saw twilight, i'd have advised replacing her. no offense to anyone who actually enjoyed her version of bella. but as i repeatedly keep saying, she has no freaking emotions in this movie. ;.; but i dug taylor's jacob for the most part. i have my annoyances about him, too, but i can't think of any of them at the moment. <3

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  51. OME... I laughed so hard my belly hurts. This was a really funny post girls!

    I <3 STY & JJ.

    And now I won't be able to watch twilight without wanting KStews head to bob right off her skinny shoulders. LOL

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  52. 'You can go with this, you can go with that...' I can't believe some of you never saw Weapon of Choice before! I'm not a huge Fatboy Slim fan, but I love this.

    Anyway, acting. Gotta agree with you on most of it. KStew was miscast. And they should have hired an actress who was over 18, for fuck sake. Would have saved them an assload of trouble. RPattz was okay, I guess, but any little acting flaws were completely cancelled out by him just being fucking sexy. I thought he made a pretty good Edward, but I bet he'll be better with a better director.
    Billy Burke was a great Charlie, imo. Jacksper, you look like an owl. Sorry, but you do.

    I know I've defended CH in the past, and I do think she got some things right, but she did make a balls of several scenes. And don't get me fucking started on the script! That bitch Rosenberg better have done a better job on New Moon, or I swear I'm going after her. Who's with me? *grabs torch and pitchfork*

    ps Does anyone else think CH looks like Perry Farrell in drag? Is that why he's on the soundtrack?

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  53. Hi - Okay yes I agree. BUT to me this makes the movie even more likely to become a long term cult classis. As we have discussed on this site before. Reference the Twilight in the Park post.

    However I feel the whole "you are a sucky actor" burden falls wholly on KStew.

    Here's why...

    Yes she is the protagonist of the story. BUT really the story is EDWARD's. We only have Bella for a foil to Edward. HE'S the one we want.

    And for better or worse for him, ROB is very much the "receptacle". (I know connotations of trash cans but I can't think of a better word right now.) Anyway Rob is the receiver for all of our Edward lust. Right? "Where else are we gonna go?" Uh no where else I wanna go. Except for my brief foray into dream sex with Taycob; which I alredy confessed to yesterday. Knowing fully that I would be perve-tagged. Let me say again, I don't care dream sex with that boy was worth it!

    And let's get real here...the scene at the Bloated Toad/Bella Italia (isn't it wierd that we all somehow manage to rememer and reference all the RL names dates and places and all the Twilight names dates places?) was worth the whole time you put in watching before and after. Who wouldn't want gorgeous, mysterious, just saved my dumb ass boy to confess to not being able to stay away from me? It's the American female archtype.

    Any way it's ROB who makes Twilight even marginally watchable.

    Here's my list in decending order of importance:

    1. He's beautiful to look at. I don't need to go into great detail on that as we have pretty much ripped that subject to the bone. And if we can't get it here there's always the faithful Latchkey Wife, RAOR, and pretty much 300 news articles with pics EVERYDAY!

    2. Rob has some skillz. Admit it! HE makes you feel things and believe.

    3. KStew may want it, but she sucks. And not in the good way. Think of all that crap in the hospital where she is so focused on not completing a sentence that she makes your brain go into arrythmia. If brains can do that at all.

    4. Who pulls that out of the fire...that's right ROB. "Where else am I gonna go." Your brain settles right down and other body parts thankfully begin to take over.

    So Catherine Stewart is to blame for the fiasco that is Twilight - The Movie. For goodness sakes just think of the mistakes that just pop into your head at the mere mention of it, wings in biology, where the hell the armadillo go, why can't Rosalie keep the car door open?

    Plus they had no budget. I think the kids did the best they could do with what they had. Except for KStew who was too busy wanting it to actually act.

    Love,
    Cindy

    PS I can't tell you how good it feels to no longer be hidden in the dark shadows of lurkdome.

    Ahhhh....

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  54. Oh and Ashley Greene is too tall and she can't act for shit. Rachelle LeFevre, I liked. Way to go Scummit! You suck!

    Chris Weitz, just remember that I won't do you if New Moon sucks.

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  55. I totally agress with twichotic, the 2nd one to comment. Hardewick is a flake and an awful choice to do Twilight. She gave Rob choices to pick from for the climbing tree scene and Rob did choose Spider Monkey but who even gives that as a choice? Did she even read the books? C'mon. I'm so looking forward to New Moon I could bust a blood vessel with the excitement I'm holding in. I pray that it is more on target than Twilight!

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  56. @Cindy-welcome out of lurkdom. I never broke down the hospital scene before, but you're right, after cringing over KS's spazz out, it is very calming to hear Edward say whatever it is he says about not leaving her. (I'm referencing 'Edward' under the pretense that just hearing the sound of Rob-the-Actor's voice does NOT all at once relax me into a pile of goo while at the same time create a lustful tension rendering me capable of launching myself at the big screen just to lick his image.) Is it working? I'm all about watching the movie as an art form. Riiiiight.

    @Banshee713-I'm sure if Chris Weitz knows that "doing you" is on the table (hehe....on the table), then he will definitely try his very best to make a great movie. He said he was afraid fans would tear him apart if the movie wasn't good, so he's got all kinds of incentive.

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  57. omg! i've never watched that video of fatboy slim! big thank you is awesome!! and i'll try to recreat some of it in my bedrooom tonight, ehem.
    chris as a director for new moon is making the whole world of diference so i'm expecting some real acting here, also they know much more about the carcters and stuff!

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  58. ...and I love Rachelle LeFevre. She did a great job as Victoria as well as other performances I've seen her in! I think Summit was stupid beyond belief to replace her. They lost THE best spokesperson they had for promoting the movie. (Notwithstanding Rob who only needs to smile, and rake his hands through his hair in order to leave half the females in the audience satisfied. Add one of his famous giggles and he'd probably have the other half too.)

    Sorry. I'm easily distracted. I also wanted to comment on Ashley's performance because I didn't think it was so bad in Twilight, but based on the clip from New Moon, I'm really REALLY worried about what she's going to do to my beloved Alice's character. She always looks amazing in photo shoots, but I'm kinda cringing when I hear her speak her lines.

    And if I can drone on for one more short paragraph, I just want to say I can't stand Nikki. Not that she's all that bad as bitchy Rosalie, but to me, she's not the right "fit" for the character. So it really irked me when CH said she's known her her whole life. So shejust gave her the part cuz they're pals? Urg.

    Ok I'll stop hogging the soapbox now.

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  59. So mommy duties have gotten in the way of my blog reading (and FF reading, btw which is really annoying) so I'm very late to comment.
    I am just gonna ditto NeedsIntervention. But I wanna say for the record that I think Billy, Taylor, and that chick that plays Jessica were they're best actors. I look forward to Taycob being the main man. I think he's got skillz ;-) but as I've said before, I hated Rachelle as Victoria and Nikki has NO BUSINESS being Rosalie.

    And now I'm gonna lock myself in my room tonight to watch the movie with commentary!

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  60. Okay - I forgot a couple cringers and lost moments.

    There are couple of moments when we just need a bit of a pause in the dialog.

    Edward and Bella in the lunch room discussing the possibilies of Edward's super-specialness.

    BELLA - "I can see what you're trying to put off. It's just a mask."

    EDWARD - "What if I'm not the hero?"

    PAUSE FOR EFFECT Catherine.

    WHY oh WHY for the love of Edward didn't you give the audience a moment to consider this possiblity? What do you mean you're not the good guy? You're part of "The CULLENS". "That's EDWARD CULLEN, gorgeous obviously."

    Which I know now; after I've gone through the saga five times and actually highlighted portions of Twilight and Midnigh Sun, I know that Edward's view of himself is so dark and convoluted and contrary to Bella's experience of Edward. But in the movie we don't know any of this background. So Catherine darling we need a second to consider the possibilty of BAD EDWARD before you RUSH us to that possibility. We need to imagine for a second that maybe there's something IMPORTANT COMIMG. Yes dear I do have to get kissed BEFORE I get fucked. There's the moment of plateau. Give us that! There's such a thing as timing.

    Edward - "What if...(PAUSE) I'm the bad guy?"

    This scene is pivotal to the audience's understanding of how EDWARD perceives himself. And it should show us how Bella is experincing Edward. There's conflict people! We need a second to process that!

    And while I'm whacking at the lunchroom...Bella's knocking the apple off the salad bar is too stupid and fake. Is it that difficult to just be clutzey? No it is not. (Ask me, I'm sitting here typing at 2:17 on a Friday instead of doing something productive because I destroyed my ankle by stepping in a hole and so now I can't walk.) So no clutzy is easy.

    Back to the salad bar; the only thing that pulls this scene's bacon out of the fire is the fabulous look we get at Rob's hands...THUD! And then the smirk! The eyes. Oh yeah. That we can focus on. I'm a total sucker for forearms. Rob's are beautiful. Maybe some other time we can just discuss his arm perfection

    They also need to swing the camera a little bit to make sure the audience catches the fact that Edward can "hear" Yorkie thinking about and focusing on Edward and Bella. You have to watch it 20 times to catch that Edward hears Eric, swings his gorgeous face over his shoulder, just barely.
    Then right quick Eric turns back around as if chagrined that maybe Edward knows Eric is eavesdropping, which he is. But normal people wouldn't know that. The only person that would know that would be someone with special talents who can hear what people are thinking.

    So my post is too long and I have to cut it into two parts. So this is the end of Part 1

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  61. Part 2

    Okay another moment where we need to process the events that have just transpired.

    The. Meadow.

    They've just gone through the,

    BELLA - "I know what you are."

    PAUSE FOR EFFECT Catherine

    EDWARD - "Say it...say it out loud."

    So Bella chases Edward stumbling and bumbling through the forest. We slog through that crap then we have the MOMENT.

    Edward leans in to Bella and confesses:

    EDWARD - "I can't read your mind.
    You have to tell me what you're thinking." Leans in..

    GIVE US A SECOND HERE.

    THAT'S BIG!

    CAN ANY MAN READ ANY WOMAN'S MIND? EVER?

    HELL NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO. Most men CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF a woman's mouth, with appropriate ACCOMPANYING HAND GESTURES AND MIMING!

    Then it's:

    EDWARD - "So the lion fell in love with the lamb."

    Off the moment for a second. I watched this 20 times before I realized this was a reference about Edward's hunting style in the book. I know what it means because I'd read through "Eclipse" by the time I broke down and paid the $13.99 to rent the movie in my hotel room. (But that's another topic I'm introducing and I'll tell that story another time.)

    So back to the meadow and how men are dense as granite when comes to actually comprehending some minor facet of the female. In Twilight -the movie, no one has any idea what the hell they're talking about! About Edward being a lion in his hunting style. There's no reference, no hunting. The only thing we know is that the Cullens
    "are different from others of our kind."

    So we need a second to interpret Edward's revelation that he can't read Bella's mind. But doofy Catherine Hardwick via the director's doofy comments says she has to get the scene in like 5 minutes cause they're losing the light! WHAT, WHAT C'mon aren't there like portable light units or something??!! This is a pivotal scene and we need a few seconds to get it before you drag in the music and pan to the ever-prevalent shot of the leaves!

    EDWARD - "So the Lion fell in love with the lamb"

    PAUSE FOR EFFECT CATHERINE

    BELLA - "Stupid lamb."

    PAUSE FOR EFFECT CATEHRINE

    EDWARD - "What a sick, masochistic lion."

    PAUSE FOR EFFECT CATHERINE

    Rob's smile, the eyes, the look, the hands. Please Catherine I beg of you don't make me hit pause to feel this feeling before you go to the soap opera music and pan to the trees!

    God that felt so good!

    And another thing. You can see Esme's make-up line on her forehead when she is meeting "the human" for the first time. All I can think is "Good Lord make-up people don't you have a freaking sponge?! Blend, blend, blend...

    Cindy

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  62. LOVE your Pulp Fiction reference. Classic.

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  63. I remember going to see Twilight in the theater at midnight and when I left I thought it was the best fucking movie based on a book I had ever seen! But then over time the cracks started to show and I realized just how TERRIBLE it is. I cringe through the entire your a vampire, let's throw a tree branch, lion fell in the love with lamb scene. I would really like to blame MR's horrible screenwriting (I hate that we have the same first name) Everything sounded ssooo fucking cheesy and CH didn't make it any better. She is just down right creepy. I am really hoping that New Moon is better...the trailer looks fantastic. Oh and JJ I absolutely loved the KStew stuttering shaking head video I never realized just how many times she does that during the movie

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  64. This post was so right on! I love the books and I have watched the movie numerous times, but it really just makes me laugh and cringe most of the time. My husband says to me last week, "honey, I don't know how to say this...but...Edward's just really not that good of an actor..." He had the sweetest, most apologetic look on his face. All I could say, was "Oh sweetie, I know, that's not why I like him." I could never watch Twilight in quite the same manner after I saw the youtube mashup of Edward Cullen/Jizz in My Pants. There's one for Bella too, not as funny though.

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  65. The best actor in it with out a doubt was Billy Burk; Kstew was, is and will be bad, she acts the same in every movie (different versions of herself every time), Rob seemed to be the only actor trying to portray other than himself, because the rest just played versions of them selves into the characters. I agree Rob is not at his best here, he does have constipated face in some scenes, but for some scenes he does not nail, there are scenes he really does and he is absolutely Edward, like the restaurant scene; the first time he shows her his bedroom and the dance at the prom. The best of all, when he says "where else am I going to go?" in the hospital scene; funny thing is that as much as people hate Rob for choosing to say the spider monkey line (which was given by CH), he did saved the scene at the hospital with that line which Rob came up with himself.

    Rob is not Oscar material in the acting, yet.. but I think out of all the cast there he has the most potential to develop his craft; he did a good job in The Hunted Airman, The Bad Mother Handbook; How to Be and Little Ashes. With good direction he can do good stuff; but the movie got CH as a director and she wasted money in getting into weird locations where they had only five minutes to shoot and she clearly had a terrible script with Melissa (which seems to have work better with CW). So I blame her, for not looking into the acting and rushing through everything and choosing bad takes at the editing room.

    As for NM, it looks better; seeing more of Taylor as Jacob, I like the kid and he seems to be good in it; Rob seems to be better, he looks more confident in the character and Ashley and Kristen can not deliver one line with out making me cringe.

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  66. I totally agree, I have said that since I first saw it. They act like they have never acted before. The KStew video was dead on. The biology scene 'I dont really like the rain' ughh, it drives me nuts!

    THANK YOU for pointing this out, Ive had a ton of people disagree with me on this topic.

    Im hoping that NM will be amazing, if anything like the trailers it will be. Taylor will bring a lot to the screen, I think.

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  67. @ all Twitards...

    Sorry to hijack the comment section of this blog, but I need help. Don't laugh...

    I'm finding it extremely difficult and quite nerve wracking that I'm all over the place with keeping track of my Twilight blogs, links, comments, fanfic, facebook/tweets, etc...

    I said don't laugh. :/ I'll be the first to admit that I'm rather detailed oriented...I like my ducks in their row... ok ok, I'm one anal obsessive compulsive cooze.
    Right now my Twilight stuff is ALL over the place - gmail, igoogle, facebook... my bookmark list on my iGoogle homepage is about a foot long (3/4th of it is Twilight related)... it's getting obscene.

    How the heck do you all keep track of it??

    Anyone? ... or am I just a freak in my own lonely organized-obsessed world?

    [[My W/V word is "robiro" hah! I see Rob with his thumbs up like Fonzie saying "Aaaaaaaa, I'm Robiro."

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  68. Nuh uh! You're all just a buttload of funny, but so f-in wrong! Waa, waa, waa, WTF are you all whining about?

    Maybe because I had no expectations, but I love it all...the acting, direction, lines. It makes me feel good - so what else do I need?

    Better call the over-analysis waaaambulance now. Cause it's gonna be a long couple of years of the same kind of sequels, and you all need a few doses of "just sit back and enjoy the ride."

    That's what I'm planning to do (when I'm not diddling myself over images of Rob) ...but thanks for the chuckles regardlesss. Even though I don't agree with the analysis, the commentary is friggin hilarious.

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  69. There are many times when I thought KStew was going to take flight because she was batting her eyelashes so much. I hope and pray she does New Moon justice....and doesn't take flight.

    The HP part had me ROLLING. Cedric "Bushy Brow" Diggory did have some monsterous brows....

    You REALLY need to watch the movie with the commentary, listening to Rob is hilarious.

    Kate

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  70. Ok...feeling a bit stupid cuz I sent the above post about my neurotic obsessive behavior after the 4th glass of wine. DUH! I should know better.

    Just in case anyone is curious... (I'm suspecting not)... I've found a solution...

    ...Twitarded is now my new Twilight Obsession homepage! Silly me... all I had to do was look to my right and sho'nuff, there's a long list of links to practically all the blogs I follow.

    So JJ & STY, once again you save me from my insanity...or rather, you comfort me in my insanity!

    =)))

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  71. Finally-other people who aren't afraid to admit it's not that great of a movie! I loved Billy Burke and Peter Facinelli (except for the yellow hair)and Anna Kendrick was good for the most part. I think Kristin Stewart needs to take some acting lessons. I watched Adventureland to see if she was any better there, and she seemed to be the same facial expressions. Have you noticed, though, that other actors and directors seem to think she is fantastic? I just don't understand. There were a few scenes that Rob did that make me cringe. The growling when they encounter the other vamps at the baseball field, the biology scene. The scenes I hate the most are the ones that are added or just not true to the book - the making dinner scene at the Cullen's and Butt-crack Santa to name a few. I blame Catherine Hardwicke for the direction and Summit for the small budget. There are a few mistakes that should have been corrected-the tubes on Bella's face in the hospital and Edward's "seventeen" comment, his British accent slipped out.
    I think Chris Weitz will do a better job with New Moon and I liked what I saw in the trailer except the Bella screaming scene really disturbs me. Her character is supposed to be shy and introverted, and she screams like that because of her great emotional pain? Definitely painful to watch.

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  72. Well I got annother one...

    Can you guys tell I've wathced the movie too much?

    So next time you watch the movie pay close attention to the prom scene. Hang on to it after the beautiful Edward literally sweeps Bella off her feet to carry her over the threshold into the prom.

    Count how many times you can see Victoria at the prom. Yah that's right she's right there in the room. Not skulking upstairs staring out the window.

    Okay a couple of hints...
    1) Look for the back of her head
    2) and her wild and woolly (not that wild and wooly the one on her BACK).
    3) Look towards the very back of the room at the FOOD table. Did anyone (not Rosalie, not Emmett and now not Victoria) pay attention to the fact they don't eat food.

    So yes Victoria is at the prom.

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  73. It's official I am "Rob's Bitch's Bitch" !!!!!

    you are so fucking funny.

    yes - it makes me feel good too. 'nuf said!
    don't call the over-analysis waaaaambulance for me. You slapped me silly - I'm enjoying the ride.

    Thanks for driving this one!

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  74. I really hope someone comes back to read these comments because I found some really beautiful videos on YouTube. There is a Midnight Sun series by Darksoulvamp. (sorry-I'm too Internet-stupid to link or embed or anything fancy, especially from my iPhone.). IMHO these vids absolutely showcase RP's talent. There is no line delivery because the quotes are from Midnight Sun, so they're written, but you can see all the emotion in his eyes. You can totally see that he was playing Edward as Midnight Sun Edward, which is slightly different than Twilight Edward. Anyway, these are amazing.

    F Kat

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  75. OMG! I laughed so hard during this one and had to wipe tears from my eyes a few times. The butt plug scene had me doubled over! You guys rock! I, myself, have gone back and forth between "I freakin' love this movie!" to "The acting in this movie SUCKS!". Of course I would never admit the latter to my DH. I have to agree that I really hope NM doesn't have any cheesy Spider Monkey comments. I will have to throw my Milk Duds at the screen, if so. Who's with me? Other than that, I can't wait for November 20th!

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  76. I wasn't going to post, cause all has been said but I agree with Rob's Bitch. That's what I do with most movies: I just enjoy them :) :)

    And thanks F Kat. Found the Midnight Sun videos at you tube...

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  77. OME!!! If you have a sense of humor, have watched twilight/the extras/the commentary a million times and are interested in a fresh way to watch this movie, you HAVE to check out the RiffTrax, it costs $4 and is great! To read more about it, you can check my blog HERE

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  78. Get out of my head!!!
    I'm pretty sure I will be reading every single entry from the beginning of twitarded tonight. I am laughing hysterically and thinking "this is exactly what I've been thinking."

    I do appreciate Catherine for putting together that cast, but yes...I think directing lines might not have been her strong suit.

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  79. Get out of my head!!!
    I'm pretty sure I will be reading every single entry from the beginning of twitarded tonight. I am laughing hysterically and thinking "this is exactly what I've been thinking."

    I do appreciate Catherine for putting together that cast, but yes...I think directing lines might not have been her strong suit.

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  80. ok, so I AGREE. in fact, when i saw the movie in the theater for the first time, i had trouble not laughing through almost the ENTIRE movie. i was mortified.
    it has since grown on me (in the subsequent 20 times i've watched it), but i will never forget the feeling of severe disappointment that i had after that first watch.

    i've gotta defend melissa rosenberg here...she pens one of my absolute favorite shows, DEXTER. it helps that michael c. hall is an excellent actor, but he couldn't single-handedly make that show as spectacular as it is.

    i think rob was trying too hard to be james dean or marlon brando. and it came off as rather corny. hopefully he's learned his lesson. I STILL LOVE YOU, ROB.

    even though i also love the movie "thirteen," the blame has still gotta go to catherine. WTF was she thinking? i've seen most of the cast in other projects where they gave vastly better performances. although, don't get me started on ashley greene...the girl is gorgeous, but she can't act for shit. i'm sorry. now, who's being a jerkface? me.

    love the post. can't wait for NM!

    -jane

    p.s. "weapon of choice" is one of the best videos EVER :)

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  81. Ok, there were definitly parts that made me cringe, but I will give CH props, I love the lanscape shots she got, they were very beautiful. MR needs to go away and never come back. Now for the actors, I think they were all good, and did THEIR personal best with the direction and cheesy script. I have seen the actors in other parts and they all did ten times better than Twilight, given that it was rushed and a cheesy script well you know it turned out ok in my opinion, there is always room for improvements. Just don't get me started on the editing. If I think a movie is that bad I will watch it a second time to give it a chance, but after that no more, and Twilight, while bad in some parts still had me coming back for more & the movie got me hooked on the books. I think everyone is New Moon looks a lot better & the film itself look like it takes on a more healthy glow.

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  82. First off, I LOVE the spider-monkey line. In fact I think every movie should be required to have a spider-monkey line. But hey, that's just me!

    I know the general consensus is that CH f'd the movie up. I'd like to give Scummit and MR equal billing on that. Summit didn't give them dick (huh, huh) for budget and schedule. And that script! Gah, don't get me started. Don't ya think it was a no-brainer that the movie was gonna be friggin' HUGE. Throw some money at it and get some experienced, talented people on the thing!

    Tha actors I'm giving a pass. I've only seen KStew in Panic Room and I liked it. RPatz I thought did great in How To Be and the Potter movie. What I've seen of the Bad Mother's Handbook looks good too. He should definitely do more comedy a la Hugh Grant. I can't bring myself to watch Little Ashes (or read E/J fanfic!) ... I can't handle him going brokeback LOL

    I still watch the movie quite often. To laugh at the cheese and enjoy the few scenes that are decent, and look at Rob LOL

    That being said I'm sure New Moon is gonna be SO much better. I mean it'd have to be, right? But I still love you Twilight, flaws and all :-)

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