Friday, October 30, 2009

Twitarded Aims Low... As Usual

On Wednesday night Snarkier Than You and I attended the Aiming Low Party. At first we were hesitant about going out in public, but we deduced by the name of the party that we would fit right in. I mean, you can't get much lower than a blog that is entirely devoted to older women cursing, getting drunk, obsessing over teen novels and lusting after a certain male actor who would, most likely, whimper in fear if either of us ever actually approached him. Especially after, ahem, what will forever be known as Pantygate 2009.

We were wrong. Apparently their lowered bars still rest high above ours.

The meetup was hosted by Hewlett Packard and held in the Sheraton in New York City. Fancy Schmancy! To prepare, STY and I met up with adorable, funny-as fuck-Effbit. You may know her from the blog Nomness. If you don't you need to check 'em out.

Anyhoo, we met up at a bar beforehand because STY and I are socially defective and needed to have a few cocktails before heading over to the hotel to, well, socialize. We knew we would get along famously with Effbit when both her and STY whipped out their flasks (I left mine at home! I'm an irresponsible drinker!).

Like peas in a pod... that's all I'm saying...

After one or three drinks, Effbit took the lead and we were off, buzzed enough to feel comfortable meeting total strangers. And even talking to them! Well, for me at least. Effbit seemed totally nonplussed about the whole thing. Bitch.

We go to check in at the hotel and I experienced one of those moments when I wished I had thought through my decisions a little harder. You what I'm talking about? It's the kind of moment where you suddenly step back and think, 'well, fuck me. This was a really stupid idea, after all. Wish I had thought of this before!!' You see, there were all these sweet and efficient looking mommy types wandering around when the lady with the clipboard asks, "Your name?"

"Jenny..." [fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!]..."Jerkface." I can't be sure because I immediately burst into a bout of embarrassed sweating, but I think people moved away from me. Alarmed.

"It's okay," STY grumbled as she slapped her hastily written Twitarded sticker on her tit. "I just had to sign in as Snarkier Than You."

I felt better.

Goodie-filled schwag-bags in tow, we started for the front of the ballroom but had a high school moment and corrected our trajectory to make a beeline for the back instead, where I assumed we could go unnoticed. That's what one wants in a social event, right? Plus it was closer to the food and the bar - wooo! best. seats. ever.

We didn't go unnoticed and, for once, I'm glad. We had a nice chat with TJ Barber, author of Chronicles of a fat girl named miss t. j. who is just plain awesome. Next we met Barefoot Foodie, who was pretty much the whole damn reason we went in the first place because she actually made me pee a little when I read her post Hot Pants.

We had a really good time! All the ladies at Aiming Low were really nice and no one punched us in the face for being a Twilight blog [even when STY put her nametag on her forehead], though I did get a raised eyebrow for snorting at the table. I think. Did I mention they had free cocktails? Uh huh, they had free cocktails. And really really good hors d'oeuvres (a.k.a. "dinner").

The free booze may or may not have had anything to with the fact that I almost dragged poor STY on the wrong subway on the way home. Luckily, I realized it - otherwise we could have ended up someplace we wouldn't want to be. It didn't help that STY wasn't exactly stoked about being at my mercy navigation-wise, especially since I have zero sense of direction, but we managed to get back to Penn Station relatively unscathed.

Yes, STY, I totally know where I am going. We have to go down here. Hellooooo I take the subway everyday and.. oh, fuck me. We're going the wrong way. Shut up.

Oh, except for some dude that was making fun of us on the subway. See? We were on our best behavior and people STILL rag on us! Well, okay, I might have been making fun of STY because she didn't want to touch the pole [that's what she said] but still. It's bad when complete stranger mock you on the subway in New York City. I didn't think we were that weird but there you go. Bastids.

Oh, by the way, Pantygate was gaining speed and about to turn into a full on, no-lube-anal-clusterfuck at this point. In fact, we weren't even aware of the storm brewing...

See? See how happy and calm we look?! Well, STY says I always look evil but whatever. Oh, and to all the male commenters that have been gleefully throwing out their two cents regarding Pantygate. No, we aren't fat ugly women with nine million cats and warts. So lick my whisker biscuit, fuckers.

34 comments:

  1. well at least u got free booze and had a decent time... any good schwag in the goodie bags???

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  2. whisker biscuit...i'll have to work that into conversation stat.

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  3. Free Booze, always a plus.

    And also, totally with you on the comments re: Pantygate. Suck it up motherfuckers.. it was a joke.

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  4. How fun!!! I hope you are working on your 'meeting new people and getting drunk with them' skills for next years Twitarded get together.

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  5. Awww, bless ya both LOL! PSML @ whisker biscuit too!

    Curiosity just got the better of me and I Googled 'Pattinson Panties'. Oh dear! ROFL! xx

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  6. I have to say 'whisker biscuit' was introduced to me by none of than the whore-flap Latchkey Wife

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  7. Huh? Whisker biscuit? I know not what you speak of... trying to blame me for your disgusting language.... pffft!

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  8. Oh ya, and fucking watch it or you'll end up with a Tony Danza! Who's the boss, bi-atch??!

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  9. Pantie gate is awesome! What fun is it if everyone likes you? NONE!

    Where are all the pics from your evening out? I was hoping for some hilarious drunken self portraits.

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  10. Bwahahaha Wisker Biscuit!!!

    PantyGate Uggg! I'm into the Tequila to night girls...

    Olympic Torches... Low Flying Jets... PantyGate... Now a Fricken Wind Storm... I'm snuggled up on the couch with a bottle to Tequila and saying to hell with everyone I'm getting shitfaced!

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  11. Slap those nametags on with pride...girls!!!

    Speaking of pantygate...I had a relative e-mail me about "underwear with Robert Pattinson on them" that I had to see...she was a little late. Been there...done that.

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  12. @ JJ--I think you wrote that whole post for naught because no one saw anything but "whisker biscuit". I blame LKW & her filthy fucking mouth. My virgin ears are bleeding.

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  13. Glad to hear you had fun...

    I've been watching twitter and it seems that the True Blood RPrs are passing your panties too....

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  14. People need to realize that when you say "I got a raised eyebrow for snorting at the table" you were not snorting white particle dust into your nostrils, rather snorting the air you breath when you laugh your ass off.

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  15. Sounds like fun! I suck at navigating too. I once got on the wrong bus and was halfway to Kildare before I even realized it. I wasn't even drunk, just incredibly stupid. Thank fuck I don't drink much, or some day I'd wake up in China or something.

    Do people STILL have a bug up their asses about the knickers? Jeez, take a joke, people. Some people have no sense of humor. Hee hee, whisker biscuit. Love it.

    STY, I just realized you kinda look like my bff. Can't believe I never noticed before.

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  16. What the fuck!! I get sick and I miss pantygate?? I saw the post on the panties but had to go back and reference what happened since. I know it's old news but I've had a migraine and been out of the loop. Shitfucktacular. That's crazy. Ok, moving on.

    @Red_Bella You are too cool for making them!

    @JJ @STY I don't know. Those fuckers need to make an appearance some how for the premiere. Maybe you can email Ellen and tell her who you are. She probably knows already because of pantygate but maybe you can tickets to the Rob taping.

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  17. "panty gate" is some funny stuff. I read your post days ago and laughed my ass off.
    Perez Hilton had the photo up yesterday AND they were mentioned on LTR/LTT today.

    Some people cant take a joke.
    Hope Rob knows its all in good dirrty fun.
    I <3 you STY and JJ!!!

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  18. @JJ and STY your buddy Red Bella has created a monster...I never thought I'd say this but..LOL your panties were on MTV LOL

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  19. You

    girls

    is

    CUTE.

    You're the Pied Pipers of Panties. I even wrote about them in my blog. Because really, who can resist the Edwarundies?

    Mama Cougar
    The Cougar's Den

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  20. Is it sad or normal that we all feel a little secondhand famous (dare I say proud) for being the first to appreciate The Panties? (The media doesn't even show the best part of em, for God's sake!)

    I hereby propose we put this question/discussion on the agenda for TwitardCon 2010. Second the motion?

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  21. holy shit panty gate! i had no idea! i googled it and found it on E!online, the frisky, jezebel, the freaking huffington post!?! jesus tapdancing christ yall went and got famous on us. over some panties.

    I. LOVE. IT.

    word verification: nable. you awesome bitches nable my pattinson panty addiction.

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  22. also the frisky did you one better and made a period joke. hahaha.

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  23. I so love that you signed in using your online names! You two and free flowin' booze can only be a good time.

    Whisker biscuit? That is definitely the focal point of this post and at some point will be the focal point of some future conversation I plan to have.

    My advice on Pantygate? (not that you asked for it) Just drink right through it--it will pass.

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  24. Pantygate 2009, hihi. Yeah, it has been escalating.
    And like suzspetals I too feel proud for being a twitarded and seeing this from an inside perspective.

    And whisker biscuit... I was considering buying the creative cursing book but with what I pick up maybe I don't need it. Thanks Latchkey Wife :)

    Kisses

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  25. Holy Pantygate Batman! There's a set of lips where your lips go!

    YES!!! I LOVE Twitarded and have been a lurker for a long time, but holy shit! Pantygate is going WORLDWIDE baby, WORLDWIDE!!!

    @STY and JJ:
    I felt bad about the negative stuff popping up, so I found some funny/positive articles for you to cheer you up. Enjoy!

    *http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/robert-pattinson-panties

    *http://news.screenstar.com/Article/432

    *http://trueslant.com/lilyq/2009/10/29/get-robert-pattinson-of-twilight-in-your-pants/

    *http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/30/pattison-panties-emtwilig_n_340022.html

    *http://pipeline.refinery29.com/link_love/werbowy_in_the_reeds_pattinson.php


    PS - No haters allowed in the sacred realm of Twitardia. They'll get sent to the Volturi for their mid-morning snack.

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  26. I have a great sense of direction. Every time I get lost I end up in Santa Ana, don't know how, but I do. I could be driving up to San Francisco, and I'll end up in fuckin' Santa Ana. Crap! Not again!!

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  27. *pinches your cheeks*

    schoooo cuuuuute! :D

    p.s. JJ, i have zero sense of direction as well. it's embarrassing.

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  28. You two are fucking awesome!

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  29. OF course, It took me 4 days of boozing to get around to catching up on my "reading", so I got to this post this morning. Is it gay that I am all a titter (heh) about being in the same post as pantygate? Er. Yes.

    My Halloween Hangover is epic, and I hope that you ladies enjoyed the party in the Jerz.

    Ps: don't feel badly about disorientation when leaving the subway. When I'm downtown I have a compass application of my phone for that very issue. True Story.

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  30. I want to thank you for the use of the term "whisker biscuit". Just that made me laugh, but then my friend Ryan suggested I go to Urban Dictionary to look up its exact meaning. When I did, I laughed so hard that I was crying and that has NEVER happened to me. So, thank you sooo much! I really needed that.

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  31. You two are fucking awesome!

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  32. "panty gate" is some funny stuff. I read your post days ago and laughed my ass off.
    Perez Hilton had the photo up yesterday AND they were mentioned on LTR/LTT today.

    Some people cant take a joke.
    Hope Rob knows its all in good dirrty fun.
    I <3 you STY and JJ!!!

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  33. Glad to hear you had fun...

    I've been watching twitter and it seems that the True Blood RPrs are passing your panties too....

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