Twitards, we need your help.
I received the following email from a Twitarded reader who recently had her life upended by the defection of her Twilight partner-in-crime... It made me sadz... Since I am not Ann Landers or Dear Abby (really, why take advice from two people who couldn't even mend their own family feud?) and I think Dr. Phil is a douche-nugget (who takes diet advice from a fat dude???), I asked for - and received - permission to throw this out to the Twitarded masses in order that you may impart your collective wisdom and maybe give her some advice on how to deal with this quandary:
My fellow Twitarded friend [we'll call her "Cindy" because "that cooch stain who ripped Mel's heart from her chest and stomped all over it" is a little wordy] broke my heart the other day by telling me that she has found a new love... She told me that she had been putting off the conversation for about 2 weeks and it was her sister that said if she didn't tell me then she was going to tell me herself. This is how the conversation went:
Cindy: Hi Mel, I have something I need to tell you that I have been putting off for a few weeks **enter Mel's gulp in here**
Mel: OK, I hope it's not too bad...
Cindy: You know how you love Dean and Sam (from Supernatural)?
Mel: Yes, I do, but compared to Twilight it's nothing--it's more like a brotherly love.
Cindy: Well...*PAUSE* I think I may have found a new love...
Mel: I'm sorry WHAT???
Cindy: Well, you know the books that Stace [Cindy's sister] was telling us about that she said were better than Twilight? The Black Dagger Brotherhood series? I started to read them and I can't put them down. It's like an adult version of Twilight...
Mel: I'm sorry Cindy--I really don't know what to say to you right now... I don't understand, speak Twilight to me???
Cindy: Well, if I had two doors and one had the Cullens behind it and the other had the Brotherhood behind it, I think I would choose the Brotherhood door.
Cindy: Mel are you still there?
Mel: Cindy I can't believe you are saying this to me. After all we've been through together I feel like you are leaving me or worse breaking up with me (I should mention that I was reading New Moon at that time again which probably didn't help)! You are breaking my heart...
Cindy: I know I'm sorry--
Mel: What do you want me to do or say??? Do you want an intervention because I can do that!
Cindy: No, I want you to read these books. Please don't get me wrong--I still love the Twilight series, but this is just more adult.
Mel: OK, I can understand the adult thing, but really the Brotherhood door?! What the fuck are you thinking?!?
Cindy: I am going to come around and drop the first two books off now and you have to start reading them..
Before she came over, I actually had tears welling in my eyes (whilst listening to Twilight music). I was really upset! I felt--and still feel--so alone with my Twilight love now. When she arrived at my house, she stood at my front door with her head down. I let her in the door and said "I don't think I can let you leave without some sort of intervention. I think it is just maybe a phase you are going through is all..." She replied, "Twilight will always be my first love that I will always love like your first love in high school, but this is grown-up love." I couldn't argue with her any longer about the subject because I hadn't read the books.
Now a week later I have read the first book in the series. It is good and I would recommend it, but as far as the passion I have for it, well, there is none... So I still can't comprehend how she could dump Twilight (or me). Do I keep on reading?? what if I end up like her and forget where my roots are????
This ends with needing some advice... How do you get over a Twilight breakup??? I feel I have nothing in common with my friend anymore. I still love her and she is still my friend, but there's nothing in common. We have different passions now, and I am so alone... Do I go out and find another Twitard??? Or create one because I have been known to do that just so I have someone to talk to about it? I told her when she left that night that I was going to go out into the woods, curl up on the ground, and go into a catatonic state. I felt like Jacob when Bella left to go to Italy (on the bright side, this has given me a whole new appreciation for Jacob).
What do I do?? And more importantly: am I as crazy as I sound??? Give it to me straight girls, I can't handle beating around the bush--I prefer beating through the bush or beating it down.
Help... Twitard in crisis...
SO! What do you think, people??? Should Mel lock Cindy in her basement with nothing but the Twilight Saga and RPatts fanzines to keep her company until she comes around??? Maybe go all rehab Clockwork-Orange style on her ass?? Nothing but repeated playing of the Twilight dvd with occasional YouTube vids thrown in for good measure??? [Um, just so you know, JJ, this is totally what you would be in for - and worse! - if you ever committed such a crime. You've been warned...] Should she burn her Black Dagger Brotherhood books??? Let us know what you think in the comments - Mel is looking forward to see how the Twiblogosphere will weigh in on the matter! And if worse comes to worse, there's always the friend break-up.