Friday, November 6, 2009

Sharing Your Twilight Addiction With The Kids!

Not the mom & kids in our story, but pretty dang awesome! (from MomLogic)

Sometimes--frequently, in fact--we get emails from you guys that crack us up! This happens pretty regularly, actually, since as most of you have probably noticed by now, you're a righteously funny bunch of chicks...

Most of you probably also know that Jenny Jerkface and I don't have kids. But if we DID have young 'uns, I think our Twilight obsession would have led us to a similar situation that fellow Twitard Krista* recently shared with us...
I want to share how I have molded my middle daughter Cacee into my Robward loving, Twilight-obsessed favorite daughter of all time. Okay, so if my two other daughters read this, they're gonna be pissed and will probably beat me bloody. But, hey, I have to show favoritism where it is due. You love Rob, I love you most.

I was a late bloomer and didn't glom onto the Twilight series until about 2 weeks before the first movie came out. I started on my first book and I was hooked like a virgin having her first orgasm. I couldn't stop. I went without sleep, yelled psychotically at my kids whenever they interrupted me, and found reasons to lock myself in the bathroom at work. Finally, I finished them all and saw the movie (about a million times) and was completely pissed off that I, as a 40 year old woman, could not openly lust after Rob Pattinson without some bitchy little teenager rolling her eyes at me and making some smart-ass remark. I had to figure out another way to get my fix without appearing too cougar-ish. Alas, my innocent then-10-year-old Cacee came to me one day shortly after the movie was released and asked if she could read the books...

Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Hell Yes! However, in my house, we have this stupid little rule where you can't see PG-13 movies or read books like Twilight until you're 11. What the fuck?? Who the hell thought up that one?? Okay, so it was me. I must have had a good reason at the time. And, because I didn't let my 14 year old, Courtney, skirt the rule when she was 10, I couldn't really let Cacee do it either. At least, not openly... So, we devised a plan: she took my Twilight books and she hid them in various places throughout her room. She left the book covers on my bookshelf, so it appeared that they were still there. She took black electric tape and covered up the title and author on the spines of the books. And she read them, without her sister knowing any different.

After she read the books, she absconded my copy of the movie, which I thought was hidden in a very good place: the bottom of my underwear drawer. Her extra-sensory Edward perception must have been tuned in, because she found it. Who the hell searches through their mother's underwear drawer? Ewww! [note from STY: er, I did this when I was young and so all of my tweeny friends... This is actually how we discovered porn, sex toys, and weed for the first time. Separate homes/drawers, but still - kids are nosy!] She watched it on her DVD player, she watched it on my iPod, she watched it on my netbook. It's burned into her retinas.

All the while, I'm hinting at how hot Edward is and really how much better Rob Pattinson is than Taylor Lautner. She's taking the bait. I started buying her "teen" magazines filled with pictures of Rob. Anything she wanted that had to do with Rob, I'd buy her. And now the walls in her room are almost completely filled with pictures of Rob. Can I tell you how many times I go into her room in a day? If I could move in there with her without it seeming freakishly gross to have your mother sleeping on your floor, lusting over the pictures on your wall, I would. Instead, I have to find reasons to go in there, which is beginning to piss her off. No privacy. Too bad. And the cherry on top? I am being the good mother and taking Courtney and Cacee out of school on November 20 because we are going to see Twilight and New Moon at midnight the night before.

I was feeling like hot shit about the whole situation because their friends are all jealous that I would let them do this when Courtney said, "Yeah, whatever, Mom... If this was any other movie, you wouldn't let us do it." She's right. I told her it was good thing I was Twitarded! By the way, she's Team Taylor and has only read the first book. I told her she has no fucking opinion when it comes to Robward's hotness. Only with less cursing.
Keep up the awesome blogs! You give me something to look forward to every day!

I LOVE this story! I laughed through the whole thing because I KNOW that if I had kids, I would absolutely be trying to corrupt them and make them Twilight addicts, too! So what about the rest of you - anyone taking their kids to the premiere??? Enabling the kiddies with all the tweeny mags while you roll your eyes in mock-horror at the check-out line, secretly desperate for the moment when you'll be able to sneak into your kid's room to ogle Robward? Has anyone on Santa's list been good enough to get a full-size Edward this year??? If you've got a story to share, tell us about it in the comments!

*Names changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent alike! Thanks for sharing, Krista! : )

73 comments:

  1. That was HIGHlarious!!! Why couldn't Krista* be my mom? Does she want to adopt a plump, 30+, grad student? I clean!

    Um, no teacup humans for me. But I have a very cute cat that I force to watch "Twilight" with me - she's not to happy when I try to get her to fight with mini-Edward and min-Jacob but whatever I need to entertain myself.

    On another note, I suggest to anyone who has a friend who is depressed they need to read this site because you will laugh until you pee or at least tinkle a little on yourself.

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  2. this is very funny, alas, I have three boys, so no chance at corrupting any of them. Funny story I may write a blog about though, my eldest son is named cullen (he was born and named 13 months before SM had the dream, she stole it from me the bitch ;)

    it hasn't come up much, but, in the last year, I've had three moms ask me 'oh, like the books?' I only expect it to get more and more, I figure I accidentaly set him up to be very popular in middle school...

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  3. @TJB thanks, I now have a Hi-larious image of you making your kitty wrestle your toys!

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  4. I have a reverse story, I corrupted my mom. I'm going to the midnight show and the Twilight screening before it with my mom, my best friend, and her mom. Her mom hasn't read the books but she is darn excited for a girls night with the man of her daughter's desktop picture.

    For the record, my mom is so Team Edward. I gave her VF the other day nonchalantly, and she mumbled to the cover/to herself, "Oh, this is a good picture here."

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  5. @TJB - I LOVE the kitty wrestling toys image! I have three cats and a little dog that might just have to me Mini E. It could be the Cullen Kitty Smackdown '09. Do you have an pics of these fights?

    Continuing a topic from last post - I vote "yes" for a chat or forum type thing for us to all get wasted together in real time. :P

    Also - could anyone suggest a good Twi-Smut starting place? Which would mostly caringly and gently pop my twiporn cherry?

    Okay - to the topic: I happen to be in a VERY similar situation, except my daughter is an only child and she's my mini-me. We're both Team Edward, of course, we both love the books and first movie, we have Twilight days. They consist of us closing all the blinds and watching and/or reading together for hours on end. We take turns reading out loud to each other, I take a few more turns than her. ;)

    Twilight is a very cool thing we have in common. Plus, I always have said that Mr. Star is my Edward and she can relate that to the real life love we show for each other.

    BTW - Mr. Star told me the other day in passing, "I'd become a vampire with you." Awwww. I melted.

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  6. Well my two daughters are a bit too young (4 and 7) to read the Twilight series yet but they have definitely been brainwashed by little 'ole me. My 4 year old walked in the kitchen a couple of weeks ago and in a very serious voices said, "Mama, I REALLY, REALLY want to watch Edward." Twist my arm kid. My older daughter loves all things Twilight thanks to me. She got some new book that has questionaires and one of them said to put down the best movie kiss. She told me she wrote down Bella and Edward. The little VitRs have also had many and adventure with Pocket Edward as well. I think I have lined everything up really nicely for them to be fully into it when they are old enough. Yay for girls!

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  7. LMAO! i love this story! i, too, don't have any kids (yet) but i'm already planning the ways in which i can corrupt them! yes, even if i have a boy. lol ;)....i'm still trying to figure out how i'm going to convince my husband of that.



    lol, word veri: knaste.

    my sister: omg, jacob is so hot!
    me: knaste!!! have you SEEN edward!?

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  8. This is priceless! Alas no kids for this snarky Canadian... If I did they'd be velcroed to a wall somewhere while I drool over Rob in my sewing room.

    Got six dogs though and they don't give a rats ass about twilight.

    But... my nieces are becoming twilight fans, I fuel the fire every time I see them. They kinda think I'm bat shit crazy for going set stalking.. But I can see the jealousy in their eyes!!! Oh yah!!

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  9. LOVED this story. I don't have kids, but I am enabling my employees. I manage a team of thirteen GROWN MEN... last year, I got five of them to go with me to see the Twilight midnight showing (with eight other co-workers). This year, I've got equal commitment and gave Friday off to all of the ones who committed to seeing the Twilight/New Moon double feature. :D I'm a fucking awesome boss. They'd say so, too.

    annasense aka Lori

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  10. LOL! That is amazing. I love that story. I don't have any kids yet but I am forever working on my 3 nieces. They're 17, 16, and 14 and only the 14 yr old thinks Rob is hot. I can't corrupt the older 2 enough apparently but I try. For their birthdays last year I bought them twilight merch from Hot Topic. I persuaded them, my sister (their mother) and my mom to drive 2 hours to my town for the Twilight DVD release. I also persuaded my sister to take the kids out of school on the 20th and drive again 2 hours to my place to watch the premiere with me. Although she's going to tell the school she's taking them out for a "college visit" since I live in a college town.

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  11. ha..oh yeah! ive absolutely brought my daughter over to the dark side with me. sad thing is...shes only 3! :crawls under desk: i know i know! she resisted at first..but she got tired of me yellin at her for trying to take out Twilight and puttin in another movie, so she just started watchin it with me. now we both watch it..ALL THE TIME! Shes also decided to start calling herself Bella and fights with me bc she seems to think Edward is hers and gets really upset when I tell her that Robward is all mine! (i mean really...i can take her down! lol) Its fun though.. I mean i dont have too many other ppl that will sit there with and scream irratically at the TV during the award shows when Twilight/Rob wins an award. most of my friends would say, "ok yall..we need to hide the wine! shes had way too much. I think shes going crazy!" but not her...shes right there with me! Shes already informed me that I am taking her to see "The New Twilight Movie" (as she calls it!) I just might have created a monster.

    ive also taken to trying to convert any and all adults that i come into contact with. i have alot of followers..but they are nowhere near my level. my mom is gettin there. She is totally Team Robward (which if she wasnt I would have disowned her ass in a motherfuckin heartbeat and not felt bad about it) but she dodged that bullet. now i send her all the hot Rob pics and what not! ive almost got her! lol

    btw, my first time posting :hangs head in my hands: i know..but i fuckin love yall bitches and make me laugh so hard i have some of my co-workers lookin at me like im dilusional. just a day in the life....

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  12. Bhahaha amazing! I've got to keep it all in mind for my future kiddos!

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  13. I have three kiddies...a son who's twelve and I've tried to convince him to do his hair Edward style...he won't budge. My daughter who's 9 loves Jacob...but does come home with Patz posters for me!!! My two year old has no idea about anything...but we'll work on her later!

    So I can TOTALLY relate!!

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  14. I can relate to Twitard Krista on so many levels. I have managed to corrupt, er I mean enlighten, both Mommy Any Mouse and my 10 year-old daughter. My best Mother's Day was this most recent one when our 3 Any Mouse generations sat down and watched Twilight together. Robward walks in the cafeteria and we all squee at the same time. So great! My daughter has been wanting to read the books for a long time, but I said "No, not until at least 6th grade". She has effectively worn me down, and I have promised to let her read Twilight as soon as I am done with it (re-reading T and NM before the 20th). We were giggling like little schoolgirls over how cute Rob is, but to her he is still Edward. She gets dreamy eyed every time the computer comes on, and there he is. My favorite gift of late is a bookmark she made especially for me, with Edward on it, surrounded by hearts. I'm going to be a mean mommy and not take her out of school to see the movie, but we will see it together as soon as possible. As it is, I'm going to have to wait until Monday (and that's KILLING me) to see it the first time because of something stupid called AYSO soccer playoffs, championship games, etc. Crap, shit, piss! Anyway, we are truly bonding over Twilight, and love that Grandma is into it too. My two teenage boys on the other hand, couldn't be more disgusted...

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  15. @StarlitViolets I good ff cherry popper is Wide Awake.

    http://angstgoddess003.livejournal.com/699.html

    I know a lot of people who started with it, including myself. Its nice and long and prepares you to read all human (theyre the only kind I've read so far). When your done ive got plenty more to pimp LOL im @Tayspoon if youre on twitter.

    Now for the topic at hand. Ive got 4 (yes four) kids. My oldest is 15, and she finds my Robsession embarassing... do i care? Ummmm not really.
    My 11 yr old is a boy, and thinks its funny that I love Edward (i dont think he knows Rob is his real name lol). He so sweet though cause he uploaded an Edward screensaver to his cell and sent it to me. He might be my favorite.

    The 4 yr old. Ahhh the 4 yr old if she was 15 id live in her room with her and we'd wallpaper it with Robward pics. Whenever she sees the NM commercial she screams "mama mama Twilight!!!" She's also started telling me that she loves Edward (thats totally normal right?).
    That leaves the 2 yr old. I dont know that he loves Twilight, but whenever he sees Rob he will tell me "look mama Edward." So yeah ive corrupted my family... and DH he's not so thrilled about it. *pffft*

    PS I just popped my comment cherry =) i love you guys. its nice to be with like minded people LOL <3

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  16. I have all boys, but I frequently worry if I've corrupted them. My 3yo carries around mini Edward. I couldn't find him the other day and he was in the back of a ride on toy. I'm not sure if the 3yo or the 1yo put him there. The 3yo just loves "Medward"

    The 7yo was sweaty at soccer practice one day and shoved his hair all up and out. He put on his dad's sunglasses and said he was Edward.

    It's the 6yo I feel I've done the most damage to, though. He knows which pics are Rob, which ones are Edward. He was talking the other day about how Rob's hair is always messy. He's all excited about Jacob right now though. I mean to a 6yo boy, turning into a huge wolf is way cooler than a vampire! They've all watched the movie with me and point out any Rob or Twilight merchandise everywhere we go. Their dad is a fan too though, and has read the books, so I can put a tiny bit of the blame on him. LOL

    And because I write about Vampire Diaries too, they now just point out everything vampire they see. I was disappointed though that I couldn't talk any of them into being Edward for Halloween...darn GI Joe!

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  17. You have no idea how happy I was when my almost 7yo son said he wanted the Edward barbie, and my 9yo daughter wants the Bella! I mean how the hell else was I going to justify getting those?

    Short funny story..the 8yr neighbor girl cleaned out her room - instead of getting rid of, she sent for ME - 2 Rob posters! I laughed my ass off - the husband said they can't go in the bedroom :( but they are in my daughters room so that I can go see them!

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  18. PMSL!! I loved 'Krista''s story!!!

    So...yep, am doing my best on the kiddie corruption front. I have all boys. My 4 and 5 year olds are rebelling to piss me off, like kids do "Rob's rubbish!" (although the wolves may be winning them over ;o)), but, when Mr Stan launches an attack on mini-E or J or Rob Corner, they ALWAYS pitch in on my side in the resulting wrestling match, Ollie in particular can be trusted to catch the mini's and run to a safe place.

    However, my 2yr old is the star. Not only does he say 'Bob', even though he refuses to say Daddy (muahahahaa!), he has started, completely untrained, to point at pics of Bella and say 'Mummy'. He loves Rob Corner and will kiss the pics. It does have it's downside though - there's nothing pretty about sitting in front of a friend who already despairs of your Twitardedness, while you have a panic-stricken tug of war with a chocolate covered 2yr old over a Twilight bookmark, while he shouts "Bob! Bob!" over and over *hangs head*.

    And I may have bought him a plaid shirt, dressed him up in a beanie and taken photos. LOL.

    Also, he even calls mini-E Bob, although how he sees that bloody likeness, I have no idea, cos I struggle!

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  19. @Melanie - Thanks! I'll check it out. And don't worry, I'm kinda new to posting comments too. I was a lurker forever though. I love all these sister bitches! It's like whole bunch of me's, only better.

    @brooklyn120 - I totally try to convert any and all adults, well not too many guys, but I don't discriminate. Most of my girl friends are pretty Twitarded, but I do try to drag them deeper into obsession. I may be the worst. Okay - I know I am. But that's what make STY and JJ so frickin' rad - people like us can find others who're just as malfunctioning as ourselves. Mad love for the Twitardverse.

    WordVerif: brocr. I b rocr for Halloween.

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  20. My 18 year old daughter is very proud of the fact that SHE corrupted ME. Then I upped the ante by (inadvertantly) introducing us to fanfic when we stumbled onto Wide Awake together. Oh yeah, nuthin says mother/daughter bonding than having to explain what "felatio" means.

    My 17 year old daughter thinks we're both looney tunes, and she refuses to even read the books. She did however notice that RPattz was scheduled to be on one of the entertainment shows so she set the DVR for me. (what a sweetheart!)

    Fkat

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  21. OMG, I love this, i have 2 sons, I never wanted daughters; until now. I have no one to share my Robsession with. I have to keep my pictures on my phone or in a secret folder on the computer. At work I have them as screen savers and i have a calendar at work of Rob too. I re read books anyway so my husband thinks I have only read them twice although its been about 6 times now and I watch the dvd when he isn't at home or when my boys are out.
    They gleefully tell all their teenage friends how their mother is into Edward from twilight and groan and moan at me lol. So thank god for twitarded and like minded women!!! I love you all like sisters xxx

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  22. Okay, I think I beat everyone because I am corrupting my CAT. Yes. It's true. So I have two precious little kitty cats and -----COMPLETELY TRUE STORY------- named Jasper and Bella which I adopted/named before EVER reading twilight. Three years before I ever even hearing of Twilight. It was just meant to be I guess. Anyway, my baby girl, Bella, must feel a connection with Robward or she just takes after her mama, because she loves Twilight.

    Here's proof: http://twitpic.com/lyjlo

    I wish I could sit on Rob's face. (wait, did I just say that?! oh yes, I did.)

    On another note, I am also like @sparkle for twilight - I am starting to corrupt my mom. I am seriously obsessive over Rob/Twilight. I AM IN LOVE WITH ROB. Really. He makes my heart beat faster just by looking at pictures. (Why has no guy ever had that affect on me other than him?!) So I talk about him all the time and my mom just dismissed it at first. But then whenever I went over to her house, I started showing her pictures. I'm like "Look at his face Mom! He's fucking beautiful!!! Look at that Jaw!! and the scrufff?!?" Arghhh, you make me want baaaaaad things, Mr. Robert Pattinson. So my mom's like "Yes, he's good looking, he reminds me Robert Redford with the jaw and scruff (my mom is OBSESSED with Robert Redford and just because RPattz's name is Robert - she approved). Anyway, the funny story is after I showed her pictures of Rob and gushed for a solid 30 minutes without breathing, she goes "Well, why don't you just email him? You should meet him and then who knows!" I look at her dumbfounded. Ughhhhhh.....

    Email him? Meet him? ....... are you FUCKING kidding me? How the hell am I going to accomplish that?! Its not like he's considered the most gorgeous man in the fucking Universe or anything. I'm a freaking needle in a haystack considering how many women (and men) are LUSTING after this boy. But alas, I just smile and nod. "Sure Mom, I'll email him. And then we'll get married and have lots of babies...."

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  23. @Lori-why can't you be my boss. I have the Hobbit as a boss who glares at my beloved calendar and keeps trying to remove my "private" pictures from the works computer. Get yer own computer ya damn Hobbit. I can't corrupt my boys, they are 11 and 13 although i thought the wolves might do it. Alas, my eldest thinks they look crap in the film. I mean I'm team Edward all the way but i leapt to the films defence. I keep trying to style no1 sons hair, edwardy style but no-sigh. Am secretly going to buy RP annual 2010 encouraged by the fact that Stan has it hehe. On the plus front I have corrupted many girlfriends to the Twi-side and 1 of my male gay friends-hehe his 1st words at seeing RP on my phone where "OMG drool at that man" I felt so proud of my boy then for being so luscious. Right going to go shopping now and imagine Edward is watching over me in case I get into trouble lol

    Word verif-ejught

    Friend-" Ilive team taylor
    Me- "OMG you're such an ejught!!"

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  24. When my daughter said she wanted a Twilight-themed room, I was all for it! She has posters galore covering her walls but there's always room for more (I mean, I can always remove her furniture, right?! I may even throw some posters up above her bed which would most definitely send her into a frenzy!). She has her little Edward action figure although there's very little action as he stands on top of her armoir and never moves unless accidentally knocked over. I even made her a direction post that shows the accurate distance between our town and Forks, Washington (Google rocks!)... although it's been about 6 months and I have yet to erect it in her room (I'll get it done this weekend, promise!). My daughter is a full-on Twitard and at 9 years of age, she wouldn't mind being Rob Pattinson's pet, I'm sure!

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  25. Aw, I am so envious of everyone who has at least one family member with whom they can share their obsession. No kiddies for me, yet.

    But I was surprised that DH liked Twilight the movie, and even asked why I bought the books in English, cause he wanted to read them too (even though his English is good too). I tried persuading him to read them, but he lost interest. Hm, maybe I could read to him - he loves when I do that. But he totally understands why Twilight is popular. He says it's because it's so honest, bullshit -free.

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  26. Love the post and all of the follow-up comments, as usual!

    My 24-year-old daughter (yes, Twitards, I'm THAT freaking old!) and two of her friends are going with me to the midnight showing of New Moon. Although, they talk more about how funny it's going to be watching my reactions during the movie than the movie itself.

    @Molly (Twinatic) - Pretty cool that your son's name is Cullen.

    @Stan - You have got to let us see the picture of your son in a plaid shirt and beanie. Hilarious! My son is 21 years old and the best I could do was get him to wear a skinny tie with an untucked white shirt and Levis. As a college baseball player, he made me return the skinny jeans I bought for him :)

    @Lori - Are you hiring?!!!!!!!

    @Aimee from ApplesNFeathers - An "Aunt of the Year" award cannot be far behind for us. My oldest niece recently got married. At their couple's shower, I gave them a piece of their luggage. Tucked inside were the paperback versions of Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, along with a note promising Breaking Dawn when it becomes available and a Twilight DVD. She's now hooked and going with me to an evening showing on the 20th. My nephew, who is gay, went with me to see Twilight in the theaters and is also going with us. Although, he is totally Team Jacob so I may have to disown him.

    @Miss Amy Ripp - Great pic of Rob and your pussy (wait, did I just say that?! oh yes, I did.). Also love the story about your mom!

    Lisa

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  27. @sprtzmom1721 - the whole sorry tale and pic are here
    LOL at your son, 2yr olds are def easier to dress - even though I couldn't get the beanie off him again after!

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  28. *Sigh*

    I will have to impart my tale of evangelical Twitardedness to my brethren (read family)

    I TRIED to corrupt my mother. I read the books around her, drooled about Rob in front of her, mentioned Twilight at every turn. She wasn't having a bar of it. I corrupted my friends, my neighbors, my work colleagues - but my mother has refused to even read the books.

    She told me the other week that she doesn't think Rob is attractive. I swear, I threw holy water on her and she didn't even have the decency to melt or shriek.

    She left me with no recourse. Yet revenge would be mine. I then turned on my father. He proved a little more susceptible to my charms and read all of the books within a week.

    He now thoroughly loves them. He is my Twitarded Dad. I made DH (Husband) read them. He secretly enjoyed them though I'm not supposed to tell anyone.

    So maybe it is a little weird to gush over Twilight with my Dad, but it's worth it just to aggravate my mother when we both manage to sound like teenage girls. He's so ridiculously Twitarded that I think I might have to point him in the direction of your blog.

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  29. @Stan - LMFAO!! That is priceless. I just recently subscribed to follow your blog, so clearly I need to go back and read your archived posts. Love the Rob corner.

    @CuddleBug - BIG smile on my face after reading your story.

    Lisa

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  30. @Molly - that is very funny! I feel your pain. My 5 year old's name is Bella Luna and I have been asked several times by moms if it was because of Twilight. Then it turns into a discussion of how much we all love the books and can't wait for the movie! No, Bella Luna is not because of Twilight, but I feel very happy that it fits. Her favorite song is "Sex on Fire" (except she doesn't understand the lyrics thank goodness!). Twi-moms breed Twi-babies.

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  31. LOL! you all never let me down with your comments - i am glad that everyone "corrupting" where they can - toddlers, cats, friends, moms, you name it! Makes me so proud - lol!

    Glad to see some of the lurkers coming out of the shadows and poppin' their comment cherries - we love comments - they're as much fun as the posts!

    Great pic of your... cat sitting on the Rob pic - cracked me up! Mayby your cats can get together with TJ's cats for a Twilight play-date???

    @Stan - how do you embed URLs into the comments section??? I've seen you do that before and I am baffled - I have no clue how to make that work... Do tell??? Share your comment super-powers? Pretty please with RPatts on top??

    Oh and if anyone is interested (and I know some of you are) - it was Access Hollywood who had asked to "borrow" the undies Red Bella made for us! I am glad we didn't do it - totally - I have to say that the AH chick annoys me a little because she seems kinda fake and insincere... Anyway, she wrapped herself in a blanket with his face on it the minute she sat down with him - glad it was that and not our underwear she was flaunting - he seemed less mortified that I imagine he would have been - lol... And I hate that she got to run her hand through his hair - GAH! What about MY needs?!? [access hollywood interview link below]

    http://bit.ly/2GdQEk

    OK I am off to hose down my entire house - having a dinner party with non-Twi friends [can you believe I still have any of those??? Me neither] and my housekeeping has totally gone out the window since I discovered Twilight and started blogging. The place is a DISASTER. Seriously. I need a clone or something! Time to start stuffing crap in closets and planning on really dim lighting (dim lighting hides a LOT).

    Catch you chicks later - looking forward to reading more of your awesome and hysterical stories when I check back in...

    : )

    p.s. anyone looking for fanfic recs, go through the archives! or you can google "i'm done reading breaking dawn - now what?" and you should be able to find the first fanfic post we did - there are TONS of recommendations in the comments!

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  32. @Cuddlebug, first Twitard Dad conversion I have heard of, good job!
    My 10 yr old daughter renamed the dog when we got into Twilight. It was just Rocky. It is now, "Rocky Edward Anthony Masen Cullen Hottie Jr." Yes, she actually calls him this! She humors my obsession, and will see the movie at midnight with me and some friends. Sadly, no one has it as bad as me. Thank god I found this sight, I was starting to think I needed therapy. You guys crack me up!! JJ & STY, I owe you many therapy dollars!!

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  33. @starlitviolet,

    After reading the saga 4 times, buying any and all mags with anything twi related, I felt empty. I USED to think fic was the silliest thing. until a friend of mine (@sassycorrinaT)convinced me to go ahead and read Wide Awake by Angstgoddess3. After finishing this hella long fic I was then in search of the next comparable fic. Finding this mission completely impossible, I decided to get into something completely different-smut.

    Laughing through the entire couple chapters, I found that The Submissive my @Trasueme was my newest and bestest sumt addiction.

    I convinced @tayspoon to come along for the ride, (though it was NOT an easy tast)and she wasn't dissapointed.

    I am angst queen, but can keep up with the smut as good as the next h00r :)

    I've read some AMAZING stories.

    A small*er list of my faves, (which some are completly different from each other.

    Wide Awake
    The Submissive/Dominant/training
    Hydraulic Level 5
    Tropic Of Virgo
    Beautiful Beat
    You Get My CLoser To God
    Clipped Wings and Inked Armour
    The Blessing and The Curse
    Hiding In Plain Sight
    Sovereign Six
    The Sacrificial Lamb
    The Lion and The Jackal


    anyway...
    my 11 year old, has read the entire saga 3 times and BD about 6 times total. I was at first skeptical to let her read that last book, but eh, I gave in.

    my 9 year old searches out trailers on youtube for New Moon everyday and My 4 year old can tell me who rob (edward) is.

    my younger 2 are only 4 and 6, but i'm sure we'll have to relive the crazy in a few more years when they're old enough. Then, I'll have a fantastic excuse to start all over again :)

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  34. @STY, it took me ages to discover how to do links, even now I have to look it up everytime!

    How to post a link in the comments box

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  35. This is why I can never have a daughter. I've already corrupted my 8 yr old son. I've been known to pay him in cold, hard cash to watch Twilight with me. Before I was out of the Twi-closet I couldn't take him to bookstores because he would invariably proclaim (loudly), "Moooom, there are those dumb books you like!" I'm pretty sure I've cinched the Mother of the Year Award by reading fanfic on my phone while he watches the Disney Channel across the room. And my Twibuddy lives out of town so I am pulling my kid out of school so we can all travel to feed my obsession. At least he'll have some funny stories to share with his therapist when he grows up.

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  36. LOL! Totally love it! I felt like I was reading one of your blogs...just with having kids :)
    I have a 7 yr. old son who is autistic so I don't think this will be happening anytime soon, BUT at least he coos at me "Mama likes Newwww Mooooon" every time he sees me looking at pictures of Robward!

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  37. @Stan - Thanks for the heads up about blogu (glad you asked the question STY). I've still got so much to learn about customizing my blog but it's clearly going to have to wait until after New Moon has been released given the amount of time I spent last night and this morning catching up on the media blitz. It's practically a full-time job already!

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  38. @Cat - How sweet is that?!

    Since you mentioned that your son is autistic, I couldn't help but wonder if you're familiar with the publishing company that I work for – LinguiSystems.

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  39. @sprtzmom1721 I haven't heard of your company, but I'm totally divulging the website right now LOL
    As soon as I saw the IEP companion, I was hooked! Thnx!

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  40. @Cat - I have worked there for 16 years. The two female co-owners are very passionate about their customers. I work on designing the page layout of products, but our customer care team is exceptional, so please don't hesitate to contact them if you have any questions. And not to sound any more like an advertisement than I probably already do, all of our products are guaranteed for life. If you purchase something and it is not what you expected or just doesn't fit your needs, you can return it with no questions asked – whether it's been one week, one month, or even one year. Hopefully, you can find something that will help you with the journey you and your son are on :)

    Lisa

    lisa1721@gmail.com

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  41. My 7 year old son begs to watch the movie, but he has nightmare after watching freakin' Scooby Doo!!!!! Plus, I really don't want to hear him saying, "eeeeewwwww - gross" when Edward and Bella kiss. The Mister doesn't want to waste his precious time on watching or reading anything that is not poker or sports related (Bas-turd!!!) My 2yo daughter is just not ready yet. I am 100% sure she will be a future Robert fan.

    @cuddlebug - I love that you converted your Dad!

    I'm working on co-workers to convert!

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  42. As usual, love the post and all your stories!
    No kids here. And I'm still a bit inside the closet. I mean, colleagues and friends know I read the books -it's not a big fuss over here- they just have no idea I'm a total twitarded :)
    Family knows to but since they're family they have to love me anyway... right?

    @Amber: and here I was thinking that mothers only had fun when they had daughters!! Nice.

    @Molly (Twinatic): Love the fact your son's name's Cullen.

    @nebilet: nice avatar.

    @Miss Amy Ripp: love the fact that you are corrupting your cats!!! And the names? What a coincidence!

    @CuddleBug: Wow! A twitarded dad! Way to go!

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  43. We were eating dinner earlier and my 4yr old was going through his 'put your hand up if...' that he's started doing. It was just getting tedious when he comes out with 'Put your hand up if you like Rob'. My hand shot up in the air, I looked at the 2yr old and he had two up, PMSL! Mr Stan was sat looking miserable as usual 'Come on, join in' I said. 'I am.' he said. ROFL. It's a shame for him ;o)

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  44. I have to admit I have corrupted my 5 year old daughter. She LOVES the movie and Robert Pattinson. When she sees a picture of him, she will say "Edward" and screams. She also asks to listen to the CD in the car. The other night, we made out Christmas lists and one of her requests was an Edward and Bella doll.

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  45. My children corrupted me buy forcing me to read/watch Twilight but in turn since I'm the one with the money, I've been the supplier. My 11 year old has a shrine and actually her room is tastefully done up right. She's got all my stuff that I've either won or bought neatly displayed in one area. She also loves Jack Skeleton (Nightmare Before Christmas) so she has that mixed in there too since it's also black and white. What I love about Twilight is that it inspired my daughters not only to reread the series several times, but opened her up to other books. She got money from her grandmother and last night I took her to the bookstore and she spent all of it. $85 on books. I would be shocked if it weren't for the fact that I love that she loves to read. So Twilight can be a good thing for kids especially if you can get them to continue reading.

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  46. I have a 14 year old boy who is pretty indifferent to Twilight. He asked if he could read it as long as I promised not to tell anyone, but only got a few chapters in. He said, "I'll vomit if I read about the marble god perfection of Edward Cullen one more time!" He rolled his eyes when everyone squealed at the New Moon teaser that showed during the midnight showing of HBP. Then rolled his eyes at me when I high-fived "Those hot chicks" who sat next to him when it was over.

    My friend who got me hooked on Twilight (and doesn't appreciate the internet as I do) does have 2 daughters - 11 and 13. So, when I find something good, I forward links to them. We're going to see New Moon at midnight with another friend. I'm sure I'll need earplugs for the squeeing.

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  47. My five year old daughter asked me a while ago if I loved her or Edward more.
    I think she's ok now, she's stopped rocking herself in the corner anyway and the nightmares have eased off, a bit ;)

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  48. I have a 9 year old son. He liked the movie Twilight but only the baseball scene and the fight scene where James gets his head ripped off. He cringes at the kissing parts. He's been asking me if he can read the books but I won't let him. He can barely maintain interest in the "Captain Underpants" books so I think Twilight would go straight over his head. I'm not sure if he's so interested in Twilight because, being an only child, he wants to do what I do or if he just thinks vampires are cool. I don't want him getting beat up at school for being a Twitarded boy.

    I do plan on taking him to see New Moon but not premier night. He thinks the wolves are cool.

    Mr. Moxie-----HATES IT!

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  49. @ Stan - apparently that "Put your hands up if..." shit is universal! Went through it a few years ago, and I'm sure we'll do it again with #3! Oh, and PMSL at Mr. Stan...I'd say we need to get him together with Mr. TwiWeasel, but I really don't want that to happen. The hate they share may become something...ugly.

    @ Mary - My daughter asked me th same thing!! I played it cool and told her "I love you both the same," while I had my fingers crossed behind my back. Muahahaha!!

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  50. I dont have kids, but I did get my younger sister, my mom, my best friend from high school and have been trying for awhile to get my boyfriend hook, but that one aint happening. He thinks Im a total tard for acting like a 12 yr old when it comes to this shit. So what Im 23 yrs old, I will cut a bitch, 12 or not, if she gets in my way when it comes to ANYTHING Twilight relates...lol

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  51. My Mom is the greatest Mom in the world. Not only is she reading the books, to see what all my fuss is about, she gifted me a trip to Italy for my 40th birthday to go to Volterra and Montepulciano to see the New Moon places in each. She even took pictures of me in each place and she really hates using my camera but she did it.

    My sister isn't reading the books but she understands my obsession and kindly bought me the Twilight journals (without me mentioning that I really wanted them) for my birthday. I called her and told her she was the best sister ever!

    My husband, well, he puts up with it all. I know he is happy that I am reading as it isn't the biggest part of my life but I am sure he wishes I would read something else now.

    I have midnight showing tickets for New Moon and I was going to go with my husband but now that Mom and I went to Italy, I might take her so we can relive our trip while watching the movie together.

    @F-Kat - I love your picture, it reminds me of the current Muse CD cover.

    PS I made sure to wear my Twitarded shirt on the plane to Italy and my Black Swan motorcycles shirt on the way back : )

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  52. @Dangrdafne - Wow. Wow! And I thought I had the best mom in the world. WOW!

    Do you have pictures you'd like to share with your fellow Twitards?

    Lisa

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  53. @Lisa - I am very very blessed. Any ideas how I can share pictures?

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  54. @Dangerdafne - Sorry! I left to go out to eat with my husband and we are just now getting back. I have a blog, so I am able to post my pictures there (or attach them in emails to STY and JJ).

    Setting up a blog is really simple (and free) if that interests you at all. The Google directions couldn't have been any easier for the basic setup. Dressing it up is a little more complicated, but getting it up and running is not.

    @Stan or anyone else in Twitardia -Any advice on how Dangerdafne can share pictures from her Italy trip with us if she does not have a blog?

    Thanks!

    Lisa

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  55. @sprtzmom1721 & @Dangrdafne:

    An easy way to share photos is to use http://imageshack.us/

    You can upload the picture and it will give you a url at the top (called the Direct Link to the picture) which you can just copy/paste.

    There are tons of photo hosting websites, such as photobucket, but I prefer image shack for quick sharing since you don't have to create an account to use it.

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  56. @Miss Amy Ripp - Thanks so much for the info!!

    @Dangrdafne - Hope that is an easy solution for you. Please keep us posted.

    Lisa

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  57. @Selene- I got the avatar from a facebook quiz called what dark creature are you and mine was a vampire-natch. When I was 10 I read Interview with the Vampire (I was a a weird child-er still am)and fell in love with all things Vamp/Gothic. At school they asked what did I wanna be when I grew up and I said a vampire-sleep all day, stay up all night and kill ppl I didn't like-good answer I thought. Well the school sent a letter home to my mother lol. Didn't deter me from the dark side though. Mwah ha ha ha haaaaaaaa

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  58. @Miss Amy Ripp & Dangerdafne - I just registered with ImageShack. As a test, here's a link to the image I mocked up yesterday and shared with STY & JJ.

    http://yfrog.com/ekwolfvsvampirej

    You'll have to let me know if it worked.

    Lisa

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  59. @nebilet: nice answer! I bet the teachers were scared!

    I'm going to look at that FB quiz. Still haven't figured it out.

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  60. @sprtzmom1721 - that worked! And those are some lovely, lovely photos! He is too sexy schmexy.

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  61. @starlitviolets yeah ive pretty much left the guys alone..they just dont get it. some of my friends boyfriends have to hear a helluva lot about it though!! yes im very happy to have found all of u fuckawesome ladies!! now i feel normal...errr...sorta!

    @STY yes im very guilty of lurking in the shadows but im by no means near as witty as the rest of u ladies..so in fear of sounding like an idiot..ive held back. it felt good to comment though! lol

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  62. This cracks me up! My 14 year old son justs makes disgusted noises anytime I gush over Edward but I have managed to corrupt my 9 year old daughter. I was a "good mom" and bought her an entire book full of Robward posters that she plastered all over her room. Unfortunately, the eyes creeped her out and she had to take them down! Checking on her in the middle of the night just isn't the same.
    BTW, she's promised to get me an Edward bookmark and t-shirt for my birthday (which is right before New Moon comes out! yay!)
    Oh yeah...she also provided the perfect excuse for my new Edward background on the computer...her idea!

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  63. I've corrupted both my 7 year old daughter (who has seen Twilight way too many times to count--with a little 'cover your eyes' prompting here and there) and my 60 year old mother who gives me daily Robward/KStew updates.
    I ordered my daughter the Edward Barbie (we all know who's Barbie that really is) and my mom has been purchasing every New Moon magazine out there for a month, fortunately she's passing them my way.
    I should feel much guiltier than I do but it's fun to be in the middle of a three generation Twilight obsession! I have a 91 year old grandma with some time on her hands, maybe we can take this to the next level!

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  64. @sprtzmom1721 and the other kind photo posters - Just want to let you know I am working on getting some pictures together. I will let you know as soon as I am done : ) Thank you for all the help and information on photo sharing, I appreciate it.

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  65. @Dangrdafne - Great! I am really looking forward to seeing them. I just can't imagine what a beautiful trip that had to have been – on so many levels.

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  66. @sprtzmom1721 - as of now I am working on just sharing the New Moon related pictures...as I have about 1000 pictures overall from the trip and even that I am working through to get about 500 to share with family and friends. It is shocking every time I see the numbers of pictures I have but there was sooo much to take in and so much I wanted to share. If after viewing the New Moon pictures (once I get that all done), you are still interested in the rest of the trip pictures, let me know and I will see what we can do : ) Thank you for being excited about my pics!

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  67. @Dangerdafne - I am not surprised you have that many pictures. After all, you had a trip of a lifetime to document! Hopefully, uploading your pictures to an online media hosting location will make it easier for you to share your journey with your RL family and with your Twitardia family :)

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  68. @starlitviolets yeah ive pretty much left the guys alone..they just dont get it. some of my friends boyfriends have to hear a helluva lot about it though!! yes im very happy to have found all of u fuckawesome ladies!! now i feel normal...errr...sorta!

    @STY yes im very guilty of lurking in the shadows but im by no means near as witty as the rest of u ladies..so in fear of sounding like an idiot..ive held back. it felt good to comment though! lol

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  69. @nebilet: nice answer! I bet the teachers were scared!

    I'm going to look at that FB quiz. Still haven't figured it out.

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  70. As usual, love the post and all your stories!
    No kids here. And I'm still a bit inside the closet. I mean, colleagues and friends know I read the books -it's not a big fuss over here- they just have no idea I'm a total twitarded :)
    Family knows to but since they're family they have to love me anyway... right?

    @Amber: and here I was thinking that mothers only had fun when they had daughters!! Nice.

    @Molly (Twinatic): Love the fact your son's name's Cullen.

    @nebilet: nice avatar.

    @Miss Amy Ripp: love the fact that you are corrupting your cats!!! And the names? What a coincidence!

    @CuddleBug: Wow! A twitarded dad! Way to go!

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  71. Okay, I think I beat everyone because I am corrupting my CAT. Yes. It's true. So I have two precious little kitty cats and -----COMPLETELY TRUE STORY------- named Jasper and Bella which I adopted/named before EVER reading twilight. Three years before I ever even hearing of Twilight. It was just meant to be I guess. Anyway, my baby girl, Bella, must feel a connection with Robward or she just takes after her mama, because she loves Twilight.

    Here's proof: http://twitpic.com/lyjlo

    I wish I could sit on Rob's face. (wait, did I just say that?! oh yes, I did.)

    On another note, I am also like @sparkle for twilight - I am starting to corrupt my mom. I am seriously obsessive over Rob/Twilight. I AM IN LOVE WITH ROB. Really. He makes my heart beat faster just by looking at pictures. (Why has no guy ever had that affect on me other than him?!) So I talk about him all the time and my mom just dismissed it at first. But then whenever I went over to her house, I started showing her pictures. I'm like "Look at his face Mom! He's fucking beautiful!!! Look at that Jaw!! and the scrufff?!?" Arghhh, you make me want baaaaaad things, Mr. Robert Pattinson. So my mom's like "Yes, he's good looking, he reminds me Robert Redford with the jaw and scruff (my mom is OBSESSED with Robert Redford and just because RPattz's name is Robert - she approved). Anyway, the funny story is after I showed her pictures of Rob and gushed for a solid 30 minutes without breathing, she goes "Well, why don't you just email him? You should meet him and then who knows!" I look at her dumbfounded. Ughhhhhh.....

    Email him? Meet him? ....... are you FUCKING kidding me? How the hell am I going to accomplish that?! Its not like he's considered the most gorgeous man in the fucking Universe or anything. I'm a freaking needle in a haystack considering how many women (and men) are LUSTING after this boy. But alas, I just smile and nod. "Sure Mom, I'll email him. And then we'll get married and have lots of babies...."

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  72. I can relate to Twitard Krista on so many levels. I have managed to corrupt, er I mean enlighten, both Mommy Any Mouse and my 10 year-old daughter. My best Mother's Day was this most recent one when our 3 Any Mouse generations sat down and watched Twilight together. Robward walks in the cafeteria and we all squee at the same time. So great! My daughter has been wanting to read the books for a long time, but I said "No, not until at least 6th grade". She has effectively worn me down, and I have promised to let her read Twilight as soon as I am done with it (re-reading T and NM before the 20th). We were giggling like little schoolgirls over how cute Rob is, but to her he is still Edward. She gets dreamy eyed every time the computer comes on, and there he is. My favorite gift of late is a bookmark she made especially for me, with Edward on it, surrounded by hearts. I'm going to be a mean mommy and not take her out of school to see the movie, but we will see it together as soon as possible. As it is, I'm going to have to wait until Monday (and that's KILLING me) to see it the first time because of something stupid called AYSO soccer playoffs, championship games, etc. Crap, shit, piss! Anyway, we are truly bonding over Twilight, and love that Grandma is into it too. My two teenage boys on the other hand, couldn't be more disgusted...

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