ML emailed me earlier today and asked me to pick up some of his special man shampoo (WHY does everything sound dirty to me?!). There is a Ricky's near my office which sells some of the fancier types of toiletries (we are both toiletry snobs, just for the record. You wouldn't know it if you saw us, but we are). So, naturally, I send an email to STY to see if she needs anything (because STY is a total product whore). And then a thought occurs to me. I shoot off another email to STY:
Me: Ricky's has a 'grown up' section, ya' know. Bet I could get a picture of Edward...
STY: Dare ya'!
Me: I dunno... Have to see if there are any pervies lurking.
STY: Double dog dare ya'...
Me: You're on, bitch!
I shove Edward and my cell phone in my pocket and march on over to Ricky's. I have to say, one of the reasons I love working in NYC so much is that I can buy makeup, hair spray and a dildo all in one place. If I wanted to, I mean. Oh, and they also sell the cutest rain boots! Um, ok, that combination of items seems a little creepy in hindsight, but whatever...
Thankfully, the adult section is way in the back, so I skulk my way over there and furtively shoot a glance in... Lookin' good - the coast is clear, not a perv in sight! I step through the beaded curtain (which is like stepping onto the set of a seventies porno. or maybe a Brady Bunch episode) and look frantically around for the best
...and someone walks through the curtain. I almost shit my pants. Of course, I do the most natural thing ever when someone startles you in the adult section of a store while you're clutching an action figure: I start laughing maniacally. I know for sure that I had my wide-eyed crazy face on. She gives me an odd look, figuring I'm embarrassed because I'm standing in front of a gigantic vibrator and then I give her an odd look, because she's obviously an orthodox Jew. Not judging or anything, but the last thing I expected to see in the back-room sex shop of Ricky's was a very religious person. Hey, more power to her.
She lingers. I sweat. There is no way in hell I'm leaving without a picture. Finally, finally, she leaves. I waited her out - and I won! I whip Edward out again (ha ha!) and quickly snap the picture. As I exit the adult section, an employee wheels around the corner. I smile.
"Where do you keep the Matrix Men products?" I ask sweetly. She points down an aisle.
P.S. - Pillow Biter... it's still on. :)