Okay we've got that out of the way...
I've been a bad girl. [I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS FAMILY MEMBERS! LEAVE NOW. YOU'LL REGRET IT BUT I WON'T. NO SHAME, REMEMBER?] A very naughty girl, in fact. You see, many moons ago, STY and I did this little post about Twismut and how much we loved it. Unfortunately, real life can be a real kick in the nuts and not too long ago I realized that I was sorely behind in my fan-fiction reading.
Oh, the humanity! Sure, I gobbled up Wide Awake faster than you can say 'unicorns' [and nearly failed a class in the process to boot] and I panted my way through The Submissive and The Dominant,but somewhere along the way that little block of time reserved for panty-saturating Darkward disappeared. Poof! Just like that, one day it was gone... And I won't lie--Dark Edward really got my motor revving. Vroom, vroom.
But alas, my time was limited and it was a choice between reading myself into an erotic frenzy or mulling over how I would stalk RPattz with FSE and STY's urn, should she ever finally succumb to Robert Pattinson Hotness Syndrome [copyright pending, bitches], and I chose the latter. All for you folks. I sacrificed multiple daily panty changes for you peeps and I'm a selfish bitch and that's bigger than Edward Masen's cock in Clipped Wings and Inked Armor. That's how much I love you all.
Where the fuck was I? Oh right, no time for porn. Well, that shit all changed a few weeks ago. You see, ML was away on tour with his band for a month and a couple of weeks ago I found myself in front of the Mac, drooling and squirming as I completely devoured The Office. Talk about fucked timing though, since I was all alone. I swear I actually considered going down to the scary, terrifying basement and putting the washing machine on spin cycle just to put me out of my frustrated misery. At one point I feared my vagina was just going to take over my brain and the result would be me dry humping anything even remotely phallic [and yes, I briefly, very briefly consider the fucking vampsicle, dammit]. Energizer batteries may or may not have seen a sudden spike in sales this past month, that's all I'm saying. Life can be such a bitch, sometimes.
There is a point to this post besides my alluding to any masturbatory episodes, I swear. I recently got an email from one of our readers looking for good fan fiction, which sparked me to write this post. I'll be the first one to tell you right now if you're looking for a story that is toe-curling erotic, something that will make you so horny a sneeze could trigger the Big O, then I'm not you're girl. Sure, sure, I could give you a few leads, but not enough to scratch that itch.
There is Cutie over at Super Secret Twilight Blog
Ang(Amcas) from Why Not? Twilight, RPattz and Me
And of course, there is Random Acts of Rob, which has a fucking stellar selection of Rob/Twiporn. Yummmay!
Fanfiction.net - [There is fan fiction for Horton Hears a Who?! I need therapy now...]
Oh, and last but certainly not least Twilighted.net.
These are the mistresses of Twiporn and I'm sure there are many more out there that I haven't even found yet. You want something that is so hot your computer at work will melt and even the HR person who is firing you will blush at what you've been reading [or stare at you like you need some serious help]? Check out those girls. Want something that will make hubby/SO wonder if you've accidentally ingested some Spanish fly? Yup, those girls.
For the sake of full disclosure, all the stories I linked to above aren't for everyone. I'm not a fluffy girl and it takes more than flowers and romance to get me hot. Hey, I'm a loud mouthed, opinionated sonna bitch from Jersey - do you really think my Edward would be nice? Anyway, that being said, proceed with caution.
Now, with that being said we happen to have it on good authority that quite a few of you already have either dallied with TwiPorn or have had a full-fledged very naughty affair with it - so tell us: how has fan fiction changed your life? Is your computer chair now covered with a tarp? Does your SO whimper and cup his fruit-basket protectively when you walk by, or has he taken to wandering around the house pantsless to save you the trouble of ripping them off? Have you recently purchased stock for Energizer C batteries? Has your clitoris developed a Pavlovian response to the sound your laptop makes when it springs to life? Yes? Thought so! We'd love to hear all about it - um, within reason! - in the comments!
P.S. - I have to admit I was caught up in a bit of a 'genre' when I wrote this but I forgot a fan fiction piece that I find amazing that doesn't necessarily fit the rough and tumble that I go for but it really is amazing - Fragile Little human - Breathe Me.