Friday, April 2, 2010

The Dirty Underbelly of My Twilight Obsession

Sparkly, vampire dust bunnies??? Because that would be ok-ish...

I am pretty sure I have touched on this topic before, but I think that the situation is sufficiently dire at this point to merit a second go-'round...

It's going to come as no surprise to anyone who has spent valuable time here in the Twidom that I've been in a major downward spiral over the past eighteen months when it comes to my ability to keep up with inconsequential non-Twilighty stuff like cleaning and laundry. You [hopefully] know what it's like because aside from my documenting it on the blog, you've probably been right there careening into squalor with me (this is the kind of thing I tell myself to get to sleep at night so if it's not true and your house is immaculate, please don't gloat).

Image from Twilight Widower (we still miss him!)

I've come to terms with the fact that barring hiring someone to slay the dust bunnies for us (which we won't do because 1) it seems like a waste of money to pay someone else to do something that you could, in theory, do for yourself 2) it would be too weird and 3) we're fussy about our cleaning products and the thought of someone dousing our home in Febreeze and Windex is enough to make me and Mr. Snarky break out in hives), those suckers are just going to run ruck-shod over the place. I'm not sure what it says about me that I've gotten more comfortable with being a bit of a slob not sweating the small stuff, but achieving this mind-set has been imperative in allowing me to indulge my Twilight obsession.

I realize that things are possibly getting a little out of hand, though... I haven't seen the actual top of my dresser in...months. Even my cat, who used to rejoice in the opportunity to prance around amongst the assorted jewelery, sunglasses, books, and other detritus (sending odd bits careening to the floor) is afraid to go there. She used to love hanging out in my closet, too, but at some point it became too daunting a task for a kitty of a certain age to climb over the piles and carve out a place to call her own. Which is fine by me, because I live in fear of her getting buried in an avalanche of shoes, clothes, purses, and assorted other crap.

To make matters worse, Mr. Snarky and I have developed a bit of a thing for minimalist, mid-century modern design in our home. It suits us both aesthetically and physically. We have allergies, and taking a minimalist approach where we don't have a lot of throw rugs, pillows, upholstered furniture, etc., fits the bill. But it's meant to be sparse with lots of clean lines and surfaces, and you can't have clutter or it ruins everything. A weeks worth of mail and the Sunday paper scattered all over creation? The place is in ruins. Clean-but-not-put-away laundry stacked on every available surface? Nope, not gonna work.

What mid-century modern should look like...

...aaaand what it's absolutely NOT supposed to look like.
[note: neither pic is Casa Snarky, for better or worse]

So what's a Twilight-crazed blogger to do??? On a positive note, I don't have to worry about bringing most of my spring clothes out of storage because, um, I never got around to putting most of them away and my closet floor is still littered with flip-flops and espadrilles... But this also means I REALLY need to spend a weekend putting away some sweaters before next fall rolls around. What I really REALLY need is someone like Alice to come along and take care of all of this for me! If anyone knows someone with vampire-strength decluttering, organizational and closet-cleaning skills, send them my way! Barring that, I hear that vampires find dust motes fascinating...

So make me feel better! Tell me that you relate... Please??? It IS better to have Twilight and fanfic and blogs and twitter and an amazing community of online besties than a neat, orderly, home, right? Right?! [crosses fingers; hopes for lifestyle-affirming comments...]

53 comments:

  1. My house is spotless right now, but thats only because I'm hosting Easter dinner. That's the best way to prioritize chores IMO. "Company commin'? Get ta cleanin'"

    Maybe you should entertain more ;)

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  2. I can totally relate. My "second bedroom" looks like the staging room for an episode of Hoarders. And my bathroom is literally falling apart (see http://musingbella.blogspot.com/2010/02/sunday-night-probably-best-time-for.html & http://musingbella.blogspot.com/2010/03/plumbing-woes.html if you want proof), although that's not due to my cleaning skills. Not entirely, anyway.

    I spend so much time online these days, I have to bargain with my husband about it. I routinely don't eat dinner until 9pm, regardless of when it got made (and thank FUCK that TH cooks, or it would never get made). So I feel you, girl! You are not alone!

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  3. Wow! Fanficzombie is not dead!

    I just disappeared for a few months...why?? Because the avalanche of RL that I let build up as my twi obsession grew and festered finally avalanched harder and faster than a K Stew blink attack.

    It finally got to be too much for me. Plus the corporate takeover at work and "welcome to micromangement 101" didn't fuckin help my twi cause much.

    Don't get me wrong, I never gave up the fanfic...cuz bitches..puhleeze..but I went cold turkey on blogs and twitter for almost two months...tonight is my first night back.

    So yes, I understand..and yes...I think it is all hitting us...and we all have to make our own choices...but ladies...balance that shit out, because I let it teeter until it was out of control and leveled me like a shitstorm of no other.

    Two months without all you twats was pure torture. Try and find a balance, ladies. Or quit your job. And if you don't have one...I hate you... :)

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  4. I plowed through my living room today, picking up clothes and loose bits of trash, first time in probably over a month. It's still a mess... I didn't finish- I had check email to see if I got any reviews to my fan fic story. I did dishes last night while kids ate take-out pizza- 2 days worth of dishes that were piled in sink. So... You're definetly not alone. I feel very slobbish and though I think about cleaning... doesn't happen. I end up dong something else twi-related.. like comment on here, or read fanfic, or google hot pics of Rob and chat on sites I belong too, or watch youtube vids, or ... well you get the idea. :)

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  5. Yeah we live in a shithole one bedroom apartment. It's a fucking disaster zone here.

    I'm hoping that moving at some point this year will get things cleared up. Oh and I'm finally getting the house husband I've always wanted - Mr CC will be done school in a week and doesn't quite have a job yet. I'm hoping my reward for putting him through school will be a constantly clean kitchen and our paper work finally organized!

    And yes, it's worth it. I wouldn't change a thing :)

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  6. I'll not only sympathize, I'll tell you how to solve your problem - at least part of it. First, understand, those are not regular run-of-the-mill dust bunnies. They are a much hardier species known as "Rob Bunnies" (it's in the Urban Dictionary - check it out). Second, it turns out PE is more than willing to do battle with them. See avi. Some of those suckers are powerful - more like the smoke monster in "Lost" - but he's all over their fluffy ass.If you don't have a PE in residence then shame on you. No house is so minimalist that it can't accommodate an itty-bitty Robward. Hire him, he works cheap.

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  7. First I must say that I too totaly miss Twi Widower! Those posts were the bestest. Edward Cullen, aka Mr. Sparkly Pants, up against Darth Vader and Megatron. Priceless!

    Secondly, I am so in this boat with you. My bathroom NEEDS attention like I need Eclipse to come out. Laundry, strangely enough gets done but never put away. All my clean clothes are stacked in front of my dresser as apposed to actaully in the dresser. Tell me how much sense that makes. And the top of my dressers? Well the good news is I don't have to dust them.

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  8. @STY. tee hee. you so funny.

    how is it that, while your posts are literary extensions of your self-doubt, i feel oddly comforted by them? me thinks it's cuz you make me feel the ethereal not-alone-twi-ness.

    ahh, comadre.

    it might make you feel better to kno that i still have christmas decorations taking over the fookin dining room. my husband finally gave up on ME pulling them down, so HE pulled em down and cornered them all in one room.

    now, isn't that helpful? how sweet. every husband should assist like so, right?

    yeah, but ashamedly (is that a word?) i sat right there, reading ff (on the laptop he gave me for xmas no less) while he went back and forth for fucking hours.

    i will say, 1 month later, those decos look pretty damn good in there, all piled up.

    so i'll just get to 'em soon, cuz i just found clipped wings & inked armour -- so many twitarded h00rs rec'd it.

    that's fucking important.

    in the interest of full disclosure, i live in a 4000 sq ft house.

    i make up for my lack of housekeeping interest by hiring a maid to come in every 2 weeks. hey, it works for me.

    not becuz i really care about the fucking mess, dust bunnies, and dishes piling up (see, i can only see as far as the 19in hi def laptop screen, 10in from my "O" fan-fic-face).

    no, i pay to assuage my guilt. guilt for neglecting my lovely hubs, my 10 yr old daughter, 2 cats and the family fucking dog.

    alas, sometimes i feel really guilty.

    but then again not so much: as i slide into bed at 2am most nites, (having devoured the latest ff updates for the last several hours)and reach over to grab my hubs junk, my guilt fades away as it is very ermm HARD not to ignore that my hubs is errmm ready for me to errmmm COME to bed.

    yeah - i'm not the only fucker in my house reaping the benefits of my OECD. give & take baby, give and fucking take.

    so, i shall inquire, twitards:

    any one else hitting their midlife crises in stride and tappin' your significant other's ass?

    i'm just askin...

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  9. This post is like a window into my life, I mean my house.

    I've been watching the new Hoarders series on A&E and Mr. Bitch and I looked at each other when one of the women was searching through a pile of clothes in search of something to wear. It was like they recorded my morning.

    It's gotten out of control.

    So what do I do? I start a Rob blog. Because once you've descended into crazy, it's a short ride to insanity.

    But I'm feeling disgusted, and disgusting right now, so I'm hoping a tipping point is coming where I'll step away from this electronic crack dealer -otherwise known as my laptop - and get my shit in order.

    On the plus side, I'll probably be fired soon for spending the majority of my day in the internet, so I should have plenty of time to clean then.

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  10. You should see my place! 4 children, a husband, and me....who goes to college, has a small cake business, donates one day a week to the local school, and also does things for the church. My house is a disaster area. Oh well...I am pretty sure women with immaculate houses have very dull lives (or have house keepers or nannies or a combo of the both). But I am looking into a cleaning lady once every other week...just to keep things from getting gross...and it will make me accountable because I am sure before she comes I will freak out and clean shit I do not want her to see.

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  11. STY....you are not alone. At all! I come home from work, I'm on the blogs while dinner is cooking, then on the blogs after dinner until bedtime. Who has time for cleaning???? Besides, anytime a put any kind of effort into cleaning, I have 3 kids who will gladly fuck it up within 5 minutes, and that is no exaggeration. So I say, why bother? I have better Twilighty things to do. ;) I do have to clean today for Easter tomorrow.....oh my, when will I squeeze that in?

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  12. I can relate! But - I figure that all of the clutter, dust and papers will still be there tomorrow. What won't be there will be the laugh I got from reading your blog, the tear I got in my eye watching that movie I happened upon TV looking for something else, the thought provoking article I saw the headline of on the front of the magazine that just came in the mail or the sweet smile my nearly 2 month old grandson just made.

    I have to admit that since seeing “Remember Me” three times that, no matter how you felt about the movie, it gave me a great lesson – live for the minute you are in right now because you never know what will happen in the next one.

    Things are things, to do lists are just that – things to do but those single moments that will never happen again are the things that should never be missed. Worry about missing those instead of what will still be there tomorrow.

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  13. @mmMoxie - You are definitely on to something! We do straighten up when we have people over, for sure. Sadly the bedroom is always a disaster of clothes and shoes but the rest of the place cleans up pretty quickly... as long as you don't look too hard for the bunnies and stuff, anyway! p.s. so i was looking to be comforted that i was not alone and the VERY FIRST thing i read in the comments is "my house is spotless" - lol!

    @musing bella - i think that it might be for the best that i don't have a second bedroom because if i had a room that i could just shove all the excess shit into, i would totally do it in a renesmee-fast heartbeat.

    @fanfic zombie - WELCOME BAAAAACK!!!! and i am scared now... it's a slippery slope into the fandom, huh?? and i would be hurt that you gave up everything but fanfic but i'm a realist and i know when i can't compete - lol...

    @jarielynn - yup last night i had pizza for dinner, blogged, ignored the dishes in the sink and went to jj's instead of picking up. i stand behind my decision - the dishes can wait!

    @Cullenary Curser - I feel your pain! it's a nice space but we're also apartment people - although i am not sure how much more space i could take care of! i think the bigger the house, the more everything would just fall to pieces that much more - lol!

    @Diane - lmfao! love your avi (and your description in your profile - funny!) - i will have to unleash the power of mini-e on the rob bunnies! i didn't realize that i had such an important tool at my disposal [heh-heh].

    @living with edward - i think that NOT putting the laundry away makes sense. mine is all at the foot of the bed stacked on a chest and a chair. it's easier! right??? ok it sucks and i can't find anything so i just wear the same stuff all the time but i am working on it! this weekend. really. right after i go check out some other blogs... and i miss twi-widower too!

    @neverthink - ah, compadre... yup, i get it! i think i need to hire a cleaning person just so i will be motivated to clean in advance of their arrival (this is how i've been told the system works, no?? you wind up cleaning for the cleaning lady???) - lol... and you are definitely not alone in having a husband who is reaping the rewards of your fanfic obsession - you are in VERY good company, rest assured. : )

    @Rob's Bitch - yeah last year i accidentally sent a VERY nsfw twilighty email to the wrong person (i.e. "NOT jj") and all i could think was "if i get fired i will have more time to blog!" - i am not sure if i should be alarmed by the way our brains work - lol! probably? but i am not...

    @Betty Pink Buttercream - YES! that's what i was thinking - i wouldn't be able to keep myself from cleaning for the cleaning lady. hell, i don't even need to hire a cleaning lady - i just need to PRETEND that someone is coming to clean and that should motivate me sufficiently!

    @Isabella Marie Cullen - you may have read recently that mr. Snarky calls me "bloggy McMealburner - lol! i TRY to cook dinner around blogging but it doesn't always work out so well - lol...

    @prstlk - i like the way you think, sister! it's a gorgeous spring day and while i am going to pick up a little in advance of this evening (when i'm having a few friends over) i am not going to sweat it. so there.

    : )

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  14. Errrm...yeah. Mr. Cherry & I have had this awkward discussion on a number of occasions, & yet here I sit surrounded by laundry that's folded, but not put away, and my son just automatically went to get pants out of the dryer. FAIL.

    We, too, have fam coming for Easter tomorrow, but instead of feeling challenged to "get crackin!" & excited about the event, I'm bitter that I can't write today. FAIL/LULZ.

    Thanks for sharing, STY...if you come here & help us spring clean, I'll come there & Alice up yer joint TRUST.

    Moi

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  15. OMG, I'm not the only one with the neverending piles of laundry to put away in the bedroom. For me, cleaning is something I hate with a passion. I'll do it, but I am easily distracted. (Fanfic update?)I also have 3 boys, so the second that kitchen floor is washed, someone just needs to spill a glass of milk. It also doesn't help that it is passover now, so there are matzah crumbs everywhere.

    My solution. Clean a little bit at a time. The kitchen sink must always be empty. (never happens, but I try). Give away stuff regularly. Throw out other stuff. Don't even look at it, just throw it out or give it away. I am still living in a dust bunny infested home that is cluttered, but every time I throw something out, I am that much closer to less stuff.

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  16. i guess i've got it easy this weekend...going away to visit for easter! no cleaning for me!

    and my mother-in-law has wifi. SCORE!

    @prstlk. it's like you edward-cullen- mind-read me! life's too short. i've been living in the moments for yearzzz.

    hey i'm a decent person for the most part.

    i used to work late, bring home work,...climbing that corporate ladder and getting brownie points for being the employee who was always top seller, first in line, going above & beyond.

    now, not so much.

    and seriously, this obsession is way more fucking satisfying. i get to meet you fine people, talk the smack & fuckery i've always dreamed of w/o scaring anyone (again you fine people), read delish robporn, and laugh my ass off hourly. literally.

    and then, there's the sex. not only am i getting the most sex in my 19 yrs of marriage (and it was good pre-twi, i must say) but OMFG the things i've learned from fanfic! serious girl wood boosting going on.

    vvw: soldsor

    after re-enacting some fifty shades action from chapter 16, she was soldsor she couldn't sit down for days.

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  17. Thanks Sty! My house is so NOT spotless, lol! I used to be OCD (the regular, non-twi kind) before I hooked up with DH, who is a total slob (picks shit up and never puts it back where it came from). The result of this is that in addition to the dust bunnies, unwashed dishes and piles of clean unfolded laundry on the couch, I also have screwdrivers in my bathroom (not the drink-y kind) and a car jack under my bed. What's a girl to do?

    And ha ha ha, I am a cleaning lady! I seriously have had a small residential cleaning buis and I can tell you, it is so much easier cleaning for other people than for myself. I think more than half the battle is getting distracted, which is hard not to do at my own house but is loads easier at your house (as long as I don't have my laptop, lol). And the best motivator for cleaning I've found is company coming. Pretending just doesn't cut it, suck it up and invite someone over (other than JJ, I have a feeling she doesn't count as "company").

    I also have 2 kids, my father who has altzheimer's lives with us, and thank god I don't have another outside the house job (yet). Oh and the 6 cats don't help with the dustbunnies. Gotta get Edward on those. He should earn his friggin keep somehow! ;)

    My motto: embrace the disaster and focus on the blessings. After all, life can be a tame ferris wheel ride or a thrilling roller coaster adventure. Which would you choose?

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  18. Ha! I used to be OB-SESS-IVE clean. As in, a major meltdown when Mr. XKR left his dirty socks on the coffee table (yes, he does this, but I love him anyway. What can I say, he's hot). I also wanted to be the perfect wife so I cleaned up every day after work. Every. Day. Then Twilight happened. And the house got diiiirty. I guess it was all the extra lovin' he's getting :D but he did not complain when I hired a cleaning lady last year. She's inexpensive and just does the basics, but it's worth it; we spend as little as possible anyway so I felt okay doing it. I can manage the rest while I wait for ff to update :) One more reason I love that man: he has said on multiple occasions that he prefers more nookie in a dirty house to less nookie in a clean house. My reply: PERFECT!

    @Rob's Bitch, ha! You crack me up! I think I'm on that short ride - on the short bus - to insanity. And yes, it is the short bus.

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  19. As an aside, I think it's "moats" of dust that vampires find fascinating. Like trenches dug around snarky castles filled with small particles of dead skin and hair and things. Only floating in the air, if you're going to be a stickler for the actual Meyer text. Oh, I know she meant "motes." But that's not what she wrote.

    Also STY I have been there. Am sort of there now, only we have a good cleaning person who also has allergies and uses friendly cleaning products and everyone in Far from Forks seems to swear by her. She comes every two weeks and is totally reasonable in price. With two little kids, a dog, two cats, we just have to pay someone to clean. I suck at cleaning anyway, plus her visit makes us pick shit up. So it works for us. Lemme know if you get desperate. Think of it this way. The time she saves you will give you that much more time for fanfic.

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  20. Had to comment again - @Vermonster, I am writing that last item down, what a great thing to remember! Thanks!

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  21. @My After Car Is an XKR - i think our husbands are related. :-)

    lmao - "he prefers more nookie in a dirty house to less nookie in a clean house".

    @ eddiescherry - "Mr Cherry". that shit's funny

    @myg - hi there *waves*. glad to see you.

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  22. Oh yes STY...I relate.
    YOu should see the mound of laundry in my basement right now. It's sad. I need a harness and ropes to get to the top.

    I do the bare minimum now. I say to myself..."Ok self, just fold one basket of laundry and then you can get back to writing."

    Uggh...I'm surprised the Leaf Blower hasn't left me yet.

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  23. My apt. is a mess (okay well yes, it's always a mess) because I spent all week frantically writing to finish a contest entry in time for its deadline.

    I will leave clean dishes in the dishwasher until I absolutely have to deal with them. (usually when the sink fills up with new dirty dishes)

    My second bedroom is a mess. It used to be neat and orderly and was set up to be part storage room/part art & craft room. I discovered Twi and FF about the time I set the room up and haven't touched any crafting or scrapbooking since. It now looks more like a "junk" room, as I just throw things in there to put away "later."

    I just got up and my morning weekend ritual has become immediately getting on the laptop while drinking my coffee. So instead of getting a jump on my work I need my e-mail-twitter-ff-fix.

    I just temporarily lost my wifi connection and instead of taking it as a sign to maybe get up and get some stuff done, I got up and reset the connection so that I could finish this comment.

    :)

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  24. I have to say that since Mr. Latchkey started working days, it's harder to put off cleaning. It's more obvious that I'm sitting on my ass trolling blogs and shit. But even I'm the worst procrastinator when it comes to cleaning the bathroom. It's my fucking nemesis! It's an old bathroom and no matter how much I scrub, it never sparkles... Hey, I think I'm onto something. If I scrub my husband repeatedly, will he sparkle?? Hmmmmm...

    And the dog hair tumbleweeds tend to be quite plentiful as you scan across the hardwood floors... Oh well, that's the life of a twitard!

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  25. I can totally relate. I actually have an empty dresser just sitting in the space between the Living Room and Dining room. It's my daughter's old dresser, and we haven't cleared out space in our basement to put it, so it's been sitting here for about 6 weeks now. I actually have guests coming over tonight, so I have to vacuum, sweep, & mop.

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  26. Why put the clothes away? You're just going to wear them again! My place is a disaster too. It doesn't help that my apartment is kind of like a dress that used to fit until I gained 15 pounds - I can wear it but it's pretty uncomfortable. Don't beat yourself up about it. Remember, dull women have immaculate homes! And you aren't dull so be nice to yourself!

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  27. @AfterCarXKR -- you're welcome! :) I'm just so damn happy I've found other Twi-tards to be on the roller coaster with!

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  28. My advice: ask your friends/family for reccs on a reasonable maid who won't drink your liquor. Skip the Merry Maids. I get this help every 2weeks. Then, because I got sick of looking at stacks of clean clothes, I hired another lady to come in once a week and make it all magically go from dirty clothes hamper to back in my closet/dresser. I justify this because 1. I work hard and I deserve the help. 2. DH is fairly useless in this area, and is always happy to leave it to me. 3. My twi obsession brings me joy, and again, I deserve the free time for this.

    @fanficzombie -welcome back! We missed you!

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  29. Flylady.net saved my life when I discovered Twilight. K, so I wasn't much of a housekeeper before Twilight and maybe some of the stuff on there is common sense to most of you, but my house would probably be falling down around me if I hadn't found that site. I've told a few of the ladies on TwiMom's about it but only converted one of them. She has 3 sons (from diapers to kindergarten) and says that she now actually has time to do it all: spend time with her kids, have a clean house, and surf the net for Twistuff. The site has advice about everything. I do suggest waiting a bit before signing up for the emails (they can be daunting...not only task-wise but in adding to your inbox). Hope this helps some of you.

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  30. Which do you want said at your funeral - "Her house was always clean!" OR "She was so damn funny! When she would post, I would laugh so hard I wet myself!" Your choice!

    Shopperlm

    PS My house is on the monthly cleaning cycle now (used to be weekly)except for months that have R or Ys (then I skip it all together_

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  31. Aww my dear STY!! I feel your pain so so much...
    You see...I'm in my last year of University, i work, go to the gym, am dating some people and i love FF, blogging (specially twitarded) and i keep trying to finish eclipse in time for the movie...
    do you see any moment for cleaning purposes??? Any??? Me neither!! IDK how it happen but i see my room and the carpet is no longer at see because there are tons of clothes and underwear (dirty underwear) all covering every inch of the poor carpet. in the bright side, my dog and myself can pretty much sleep in the carpet without too much discomfort...but, of course when i try to find something to wear it is always covered with tiny little motherfckng dog hair that doesn't come off even with adhesive tape!! anyhoo...i feel so...overwhelmed by aall the things i have to do, but, i do have a technich that may work on you.
    One night i just couldn't find my fav shirt and said ENOUGH! today i need to clear this shit!! so i put on my Twilight soundtrack and started...of course i had to play it like 3 more times and then add a reggae cd but i DID it! so. maybe it can work to you too!

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  32. @moi - it's a deal. and putting laundry away is completely overrated. it's like making the bed (well). you're just going to muss it all up again anyway...
    : )

    @shopperlm - good point - lol! making people laugh is far more rewarding than a clean house.

    @suza beth - i'll have to check it out! but there had better be an office job in there somewhere - lol!

    @twi-me - i don't even mind if someone nips at the booze as long as they are still straightening up! : )

    @myg - hook a fellow far-from-forkers up!! i need more time to read YOUR fic so that we can get it out there to the masses!! we NEED to get it out there stat, too. seriously. oh and i didn't notice the "mote/moat" thing but i was cracking up when i read it in the npr twilight blog thing - priceless!

    @ahz1 - i NEED to get rid of stuff - bad. like i need one of those people from "clean sweep" or a similar show to force me to have a yard sale. my problem is that i BUY stuff to resell on ebay. well, in theory. mr. snarky and i aregreat at buying stuff that has nice resale value but we are terrible about getting stuff listed - lol! i am planning on ebaying my way to forks so i need to get cracking or someone isn't going to have the $ for their rental car! : )

    @limonpower - that's an awesome idea - throwing in the cd means i can still get my twi fix without being totally unable to do anything else, right?? good thinkin'!

    @ninja tiwnerd - that is GREAT advice - you guys are the best!

    @polyphany - survey says that the guest-invite is the perfect motivation! let us know how it oges - lol...

    @LKW - JJ and I have decided that the water where we live must be weird because the amount of gunk that builds up instantly in the bathrooms and around the faucets is INSANE! it's dirty again the second you clean it. and we have a furry feline we refer to lovingly as our "dusty old cat" so i know how fast those tumbleweeds appear on wood floors, too. ugh.

    @cherbella - i am always in front of the computer on the weekends before i am even awake, too! it's the best place to drink coffee/tea. i used to read the paper, but not so much these days - lol!

    @Stoney - maybe i do need to set some small goals - "do this and clean a little and THEN you can guiltlessly read some fanfic or something" - sounds like a system that might work! it's all about balance, right??

    @My After Car Is an XKR - i think mr. snarky would definitely vote for more nookie/dirtier house - lol!

    vermonstermom4edward - lol! if my JOB involved cleaning the is no WAY i would clean when i got home from work! not that i clean when i get home from work now but you know what i mean... : ) oh and i will take the dirty roller coaster ride, please!

    : )

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  33. STY, you asked if we can relate, but that must be a rhetorical question cause obviously you've been spying on us all!!

    There is so much clutter around my house that my husband hasn't even noticed how much of it is Twilight stuff, and my kids have gotten really good at feeding themselves, even if it's Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal for dinnner (hey, all bets are off when Wallbanger updates!).

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  34. I was a clutterbug and a lazy housework-avoiding ho BEFORE Twilight, so you can just imagine what the fuck my house looks like now. I've been sleeping in the spare room for the past year because my bedroom needs to be cleared and painted, but when it comes to choosing between cleaning/decorating and reading fanfic or Twitarded, guess what wins?

    So yeah, I can relate. My house looks like a bombsite.

    @LKW: Glad I'm not the only one with dog hair tumbleweed. Sometimes I walk around singing the Good the Bad and the Ugly theme song.

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  35. Late to the party as usual - just like to add that not only is my house still covered in glitter from Christmas - but since I have discovered the delights of Twidom all I do is sit on my fat bum all day scouring the web for Twi stuff and Twi porn! Needless to say I have gained 28 lbs! Ho hum.

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  36. I can totally relate, while it isn't always twilight that occupies my attention it is a multitude of other shit, and my house is a wreck, and the more you put it off the more of a wreck it is and then the more daunting...so starting today, and I started with the kitchen I am picking a room and chipping away at it, piece by piece.

    Funny side night, I was watching twilight in forks with my husband and mentioned that the twitarded girls are going to Forks, he actually asked "Are you going?" I nearly fell over.

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  37. PS and to make you feel 100% better about your house, there may or may not be some halloween stuff still around =p

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  38. As someone who slept with piles of laundry in the bed ( I was too lazy to put it away) BEFORE Twilight invaded my life, I feel your pain, girl. Just today, I was finishing reading Breaking Dawn again (I know, I know, why do I bother?) when I realized that despite my most recent purge of the bedroom, my laundry pile was getting bigger and marring the beauty of my blissfully clean room, and then I shrugged it off again. And then it hit me - THIS is how it happens! I get sucked into something, and cleaning seems comparatively less important, and then before you know it, BAM! My cat is similarly buried under a mountain of clothing, mewing mournfully from beneath it.

    My solution? Get my boyfriend to come over and tell me he won't have sex with me until I put away juuuust five things. Sigh. Torture, but it works :)

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  39. SNY, I have about 118 years more experience than you in the cleaning department. Seriously. WTF, in your banner you proclaim that Twitarded is for the adult Twi-lover. Yep. That's me. Old enough to know better!

    Jeez, back to my post. Someone much wiser than me said, "You'll never 'catch up"[with housework}, so don't try. But I hate living in a sty. So, I pick my battles. I clean what I need to for my peace of mind. Sometimes I play the loudest music I own, and amazingly enough, housecleaning happens.

    When my kids were young, I found out that the women in my life whose kids were long past grown had done it all by taking something, like valium, or booze on a daily basis. Yikes! If that's what it took to keep their houses clean. and their kids safe, well, WTF - who needs it?

    I work (two jobs) raise kids (now teens), and care for elderly parents. And, the house is (mostly)clean (enough). You've given me some passion back into a life that (mostly) sucks. So, don't stress out. The work you do to write this blog helped save us. For that, I'd clean your house Gladly. Just keep me laughin'.

    xx

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  40. Yeah-STY you should absolutely not feel guilty!!
    I live with 3 pig-prone boys (12-19) the 4th boy hit the curb about a year ago. I work 12 hour days-I get home at 7pm and do dinner, chill with the kids to talk about our days..and then disappear into my room to fuel my obsessions.

    I'm not a clean-freak by any means (my mom was white-glove OCD so maybe that's why) but I pick up after myself..but these 3 boys have no dirt-censor built into their DNA. I've tried the "one room at a time" process and it looks glorious for about 5 minutes. I too have clothes that never make their way back to the drawers..and it's "pick through a basket" in the morning for me too lol.

    I've just gotten totally apathetic to it all. If I'm gone all damn day, I sure as hell am not going to spend 3 hours cleaning something that will only stay that way for 5 minutes. I'm much happier on my computer. I don't have cockroaches or anything nasty like that..so fuck it.

    My oldest son has not/will not bring anybody home..because he says the house is disgusting (which technically it's really not THAT bad..just not pristine like all his friends' houses) well-guess what? They're all duel income with housekeepers or the mom doesnt work so she has all damn day. I'm a single parent with $0 child support so a maid isn't in the cards. The kicker is that he's a big-ass slob!! his room is wall to wall clothes..he blows off his chores daily..so pffft I say.

    I console (disillusion) myself by saying my house will be tidy when they are all grown up & on their own & not trailing dirty boxers/socks throughout the house! Then Rob & I can have fabulous dinner parties in our sparkly house

    ...back to reality ;-)

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  41. Unlike you, I DID hire a cleaning service to give me more time to read. :-) Worth every penny.

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  42. @anon - thank you. really. comments like that... well, they mean a lot to us! : )

    @VampiresWeLove - yup, i get it... i have family members who are very OCD (more than me! lol...) and the kids only know the uber-immaculate brand-spanking-new house they live in with their stay-at-home mom and they think everything else is dirty and gross. soooooo... i get it. it's unfortunate but it is what it is! : )

    hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

    loved the comments today - you guys rock - make me happy, make me think, make me glad i know all of you [-ish - more than i "know" most folks, anyway!]. ok i am all mushy now - lol!

    mwah!

    : )

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  43. Um yeah, mines not like nasty dirty, it's just random clutter. The dishes are done (almost) daily, everyone gets clean clothes, but shit like the scary hallway closets - don't open the door, and if you do, get ready to grab what you need and close it FAST!, the mail is OUT OF CONTROL, I have stack after stack of it that needs shredded. Mostly unopened. "FU electric company, I know how much I owe you, I'll pay it online when I get around to it!" Things like my kid's toyboxes need cleaned out - there's crap in there they haven't touched in like 2yrs, it needs to go - but I don't know how or when. By the time I go to school, work, 'cook' (I use that word VERY loosly since its usually frozen food or easy crap like spaghetti or tacos) and the mom stuff of getting kids in/out of shower and into bed - then its my time for Twi and FF! SOO, it just can't be done. If it bothered me THAT bad, I would take care of it ... I guess...10 yrs ago I had menus planned, awesome dinners planned, organized mail, and clutter free. BUT I wasn't happy :)

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  44. I have been wanting to hire a cleaning person way before my Twilight obsession came about but of course I haven't taken the time to investigate it at all. My house actually is just as annoying now as it was before twilight. I am just not as annoyed with it now because of Twilight :) We all do need to find the balance that works for us and I get close but then I go away and now I spend 3 days catching up on blog posts. I think this was my last one to read (I saved the best blog for last of course). Good luck with the dust bunnies and the Easter bunny :)

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  45. Oh the joys of digging through the basket of clean laundry! I have no problem washing/drying/putting away laundry - I just fucking HATE folding it! Ugh. Why?! I always bribe myself with Twilight and now New Moon. I put in the blu-ray and get to folding. If I'm focused on Bella getting to Edward before anyone sees him sparkle, I'm less focused on the fact that I'm doing the chore that is the bane of my existence.

    Aaaaaaannnnddd that's my little rant.

    The best solution - borrow a kid between the ages of 10-14 and pay them to clean. They're cheaper than professionals and you're helping your community. LOL!

    I just feel blessed that my daughter likes money more than she hates cleaning.

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  46. I can totally relate! My house is a disaster... although I do have to admit that its been like that since before I became twilight obsessed, its just gotten a hell of a lot worse since then.

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  47. Cleaning and getting rid of the clutter can contribute to your well being in general. Personally I find it quite liberating.

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  48. It is amazing how clutter just collects and we always say we'll get around to it, but seldom do.

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  49. Cleaning and getting rid of the clutter can contribute to your well being in general. Personally I find it quite liberating.

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  50. I have been wanting to hire a cleaning person way before my Twilight obsession came about but of course I haven't taken the time to investigate it at all. My house actually is just as annoying now as it was before twilight. I am just not as annoyed with it now because of Twilight :) We all do need to find the balance that works for us and I get close but then I go away and now I spend 3 days catching up on blog posts. I think this was my last one to read (I saved the best blog for last of course). Good luck with the dust bunnies and the Easter bunny :)

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  51. It is amazing how clutter just collects and we always say we'll get around to it, but seldom do.

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  52. PS and to make you feel 100% better about your house, there may or may not be some halloween stuff still around =p

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  53. @moi - it's a deal. and putting laundry away is completely overrated. it's like making the bed (well). you're just going to muss it all up again anyway...
    : )

    @shopperlm - good point - lol! making people laugh is far more rewarding than a clean house.

    @suza beth - i'll have to check it out! but there had better be an office job in there somewhere - lol!

    @twi-me - i don't even mind if someone nips at the booze as long as they are still straightening up! : )

    @myg - hook a fellow far-from-forkers up!! i need more time to read YOUR fic so that we can get it out there to the masses!! we NEED to get it out there stat, too. seriously. oh and i didn't notice the "mote/moat" thing but i was cracking up when i read it in the npr twilight blog thing - priceless!

    @ahz1 - i NEED to get rid of stuff - bad. like i need one of those people from "clean sweep" or a similar show to force me to have a yard sale. my problem is that i BUY stuff to resell on ebay. well, in theory. mr. snarky and i aregreat at buying stuff that has nice resale value but we are terrible about getting stuff listed - lol! i am planning on ebaying my way to forks so i need to get cracking or someone isn't going to have the $ for their rental car! : )

    @limonpower - that's an awesome idea - throwing in the cd means i can still get my twi fix without being totally unable to do anything else, right?? good thinkin'!

    @ninja tiwnerd - that is GREAT advice - you guys are the best!

    @polyphany - survey says that the guest-invite is the perfect motivation! let us know how it oges - lol...

    @LKW - JJ and I have decided that the water where we live must be weird because the amount of gunk that builds up instantly in the bathrooms and around the faucets is INSANE! it's dirty again the second you clean it. and we have a furry feline we refer to lovingly as our "dusty old cat" so i know how fast those tumbleweeds appear on wood floors, too. ugh.

    @cherbella - i am always in front of the computer on the weekends before i am even awake, too! it's the best place to drink coffee/tea. i used to read the paper, but not so much these days - lol!

    @Stoney - maybe i do need to set some small goals - "do this and clean a little and THEN you can guiltlessly read some fanfic or something" - sounds like a system that might work! it's all about balance, right??

    @My After Car Is an XKR - i think mr. snarky would definitely vote for more nookie/dirtier house - lol!

    vermonstermom4edward - lol! if my JOB involved cleaning the is no WAY i would clean when i got home from work! not that i clean when i get home from work now but you know what i mean... : ) oh and i will take the dirty roller coaster ride, please!

    : )

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