ML and I were in the kitchen a few weeks ago and I couldn't find the pickle jar and was freaking out so ML said he had a pickle for me right here and somehow or another a conversation about pickles ended with us discussing cocks, which then turned into talking about stupid shit people put on the internet, like the girl who kept a list of the boys she gave blowjobs to and her brother found it and posted it on Facebook. Personally, I think she almost deserved it, since she was the one foolish enough to not only keep a list but also to leave it lying around.
As most conversations about the internet and random shit do, this one came full circle and landed square on the topic of Twitarded and vampires.
ML - You put weird stuff up on the internet
Me - [genuinely offended for some deranged reason] I do not!
ML - You talk about vampires.
Me - Yeah, but I don't post lists of the guys I've given blowjobs to. [thinks a minute] Well, I mean, the only time I talk about blowjobs I don't really mean it. [Mainly because it's an impossibility...]
[Any normal woman would shift this conversation away from the fact that she obviously discusses blowjobs, and not necessarily with her partner, but noooooo...]
ML - [looks alarmed] You talk about giving blowjobs on the blog?
Me - Er, well, not exactly. I mean, yes but he's a fictional vampire character! With a cold penis.
ML - That doesn't sound fun.
Me - People stick ice-cubes up their cooters and seem to enjoy it. [I read this on the internet so it must be true.]
ML - [Winces a little] Still doesn't sound fun.
Me - If you were gay, it wouldn't hurt as much if a vampire stuck his ice cold cock in your ass because it would be cold and, you know, numb your pooper.
ML - You've really given this a lot of thought. [sounding slightly disturbed]
Me - What? You wouldn't want to have sex with a female vampire if her vagina is icy?
ML - No! That sounds gross.
Me - Well, they can't help it, they don't have body temperature so I guess it has to be cold. I mean, you wouldn't even do it out of curiosity?
ML - I don't sleep with dead people.
Annnnd point taken.
Here's the thing: I don't normally allow other people to get the last word in. I have to have the last word. It's necessary. But it occurred to me, after I raced to the computer to write the conversation down, and ML kind of huffed because he knew it was going to end up here, that maybe I should let him have the last word. If I didn't, ML might get curious what I write about all day long and come to Twitarded to check it out.
We don't want that.
Especially since I talk about more than just blowjobs...