Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hey Rob Pattinson, Where ARE You?

I don't know about you but lately I find myself desperately surfing the web looking for something, anything RPattz-related because, frankly, there ain't shit out there these days.

I know I've felt this way before... oh shit, I know what this is!

We're in a Robert Pattinson dry spell. Oh! The humanity!!! Rob, where ARE you?

Come out, come out wherever you are! (Said in the creepy Robert DeNiro voice from Cape Fear, of course.) Oh, come on, I'm not that stoopid... I know he's over there, across the pond, acting his little heart out in a movie I'm hoping will melt the panties right off me. But damn, isn't it about time for a... oh, I don't know... a vagina-exploding photo shoot or something? I'm wearing out my tattered copies of Vanity Fair and Details for chrissakes!!

I'll admit it, I'm starting to show symptoms of Rob-withdrawal and it's taking it's toll! It was barely noticeable first, but now... well, I'm starting to think it's a lot like when a druggie can't find a fix... so I had to find out if the signs are the same.
Agitation - Check! Get me some fucking pictures... NOW... or someone's getting a tit punch!
Anxiety - Oh gawd, is he with KStew, is he by himself, is he rubbing one out as I type this... I need to know, I need to know...
Muscle aches - From too much, ahem, action with my old, ratty RPattz magazine porn? Wow, my right arm is really sore.
Increased tearing - What? No, not that one. Well... maybe just a little. Mostly from missing RPattz *sniffle sniffle*!
Insomnia - Just a tiny bit... from reading too much FanFiction.
Runny nose - See "increased tearing" Also, from reading funny-ass Twilight blogs that make me hork shit out my nose...
Sweating - Only when I see hot pictures of the preh-tay! [JJ's note - or when I think he might know about this blog]
Yawning - See "insomnia" or am I just exhausted from my dreamy trysts with a certain lanky Brit?
I'm sure I'm not the only one around here that is longing for some glorious new pics and an assload of skivvy soaking outtakes to get us through the next couple of months until Eclipse comes out! Fuck, I'll even take more set photos from Bel Ami... I'm digging that period clothing and even the longish hair makes me drool on myself. Here's a sampling of my collection of Rob porn... man was it hard to pick my favs. Must. Be. Alone. Now!

This may have been when I first fell in love with the beanie.

"Hey, Latchkey Wife... how you liking these pants? And yes, I'm happy to see you!"

Only one other place I'd like to see that leather jacket... on the floor next to my bed!

Not sure what you're doing with the jacket... but the jeans... the boots... oh, oh, OH gawd!

Possibly my favorite frame of Remember Me. The smirk + white tee = horny Twitards.

"I'm looking for a foursome. Know where I can find slutty and willing ladies that go by the initials JJ, STY and LKW?"

"Silly Latchkey Wife... you know you'll always get first dibs on my sparkly parts!"

Oh OK Rob... go ahead, I guess I'll let you spank me. If you must.

No one has ever made a cigarette look that goooood. Ever! Or a white button down, or jeans for that matter.

Jesus Fucking Christ, this man should come with a warning!

Anyone else picture this when they were reading The Office? Beautiful Bastard at his most beautifulest!

Aaahhhhhhhhh.... *dies*

So what's your "go to" photo of Rob when real life is giving you an ass fucking you didn't ask for, and you just need a little pretty to get you through the day?


  1. I thought he was done filming Bel Ami? AND we haven't seen any set photos....Maybe he's hanging with his fam/friends before heading back to the Stew in LA?

    PS...feel the same way. I hate Rob droughts. Sigh.....

    xo J

  2. See? I don't even know where he is and that makes me twitchy. Oh wait... I have him tied up in my basement, that's why no one has seen him! He loves it when I write posts wondering where he is. Such a great cover for him!!

  3. What's that commercial? International Man of Leisure?

    Rob could totally get a gig promoting Vodka, and be the International Man of Sex. Not sexy, Sex.

    Any photo of Rob will work...

  4. My go-to pic is the scruffy one where he looks angry (that I'm still wearing clothes.) And now I have to go change my ladywear because you put all my favorite pics in one post. I'll bill you for the damages.

  5. "I'm wearing out my tattered copies of Vanity Fair and Details for chrissakes!!"....I feel ya...

    I also really enjoyed the "Jesus Fucking Christ, this man should come with a warning!" true...

    I needed this post in the worst way. Thanks...I ....ummm...need to go now.

  6. Oh hell! This is my first post on Twitarded. I've been reading this blog for about a year, laughing my butt off. I love this place. I think I'm older that LKW and don't give a shit. I love Twilight and everyone involved with it. I blame my oldest daughter for my addiction. So, here I am because these pics are just so...... uhm, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Love you ladies. Keep it up!

  7. Well your "foursome" pic of him in the black button up is the wallpaper on my phone so I'll start there lol Of course any of the VF pics and hell yeah I think that one of him in the white button up with the black tie has now become the staple of The Office- it always takes my mind back to BB. I follow any blogs on twitter that Robporn spam all day long. I suggest that that way you're never going thru withdrawals ;)

  8. There is a pic from Remember Me where he is in the beige shammy looking button down, he has on sunglasses, his arms are crossed and he is looking down and smiling. I captioned it once as "Thinking of 17ForeverLisa" because he looks so happy in that pic and I knew she would smile if she thought he was actually thinking that in the picture.

    I like the drought (don't throw things please) because it brings out pictures I haven't seen. People have to dig deep to find new pics and I find it fun :)

  9. Beanie...Check
    Finger Porn...CHECK


    Um..sorry about your shirt Rob. I just couldn't help myself!

  10. @IGiveUp - WTF?! You've been reading this whole time and ONLY decide to comment when that h00r LKW comes on board?!

    I'm so offended!!

    Okay, not really. I am, however, totally stoked you've decided to comment. And LKW definitely deserves it.

    I love hearing from on our lurkers!! Mwah!

    P.S. - I think LKW is officially the dirtiest bitch on board. Between you and I. And everyone else who reads this...

  11. "The Office" pic.....LOVVVVVVEEEE that one. Also, there is one of him all in black, lying on his side, kind of holding his head & shoulders a bit, hands are together between his legs...

  12. @JJ - Don't be offended! I've actually chatted with you once or twice. Most recently I sent you a message on FB last week, when the trains were all screwed up. I used my real name in that email. But, YOU had me when you posted your mom's emails last year. I was on the floor with those masterpieces!

  13. Anyone else think he looks like Sawyer from LOST in the foursome pic?

  14. @IGiveUp - I know who you are!!

    Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me. :)

    P.S. Trains still totally suck, lol.

  15. @JJ- Thanks, and yes, I still have one foot in the closet.

    P.S. I know and I sympathize. I use to ride to Newark from Hamilton a few times month. NE Corridor = 2 martini's upon arrival @ home.

  16. Right lick, save!!! GAH!!!! Thank you for all the yummy goodies in one post!

  17. Thanks to my Robsession, I nearly crashed my car checking out a man wearing a plaid shirt and a beenie! @LKW, he SHOULD come with a warning!l

  18. @twilight junkie-yes! i know the one you are referring to. me likey. it reminds me of the one where his face is being ever so slightly pushed into the floor. I picture myself behind him...well actually, i'm straddling him from behind with a fistful of his hair and...tmi?

    LKW- love the pic with the cig and the white button down and the big ass shoe and his hotness by the car. rob, let's get in the trunk and make babies. too far?

    i actually think he should be required to wear a white button down with a tie on a routine basis.

    where you at precious?
    you complete me.
    well at least we'll get a glimpse on oprah tomorrow. but with the awful white makeup-yuck. let's go easy on the makeup in BD, okay summit. seriously, it should be against the law to cover up that face.

  19. haha.. you post this, and like 2 seconds later, TA DA!!! there he is!!

    AHHH... finally, I can stop doing my routine Google search every 12 minutes looking for him. Thanks, guys!!! LOL :)

  20. "i guess i'll let you spank me" photo is fuckawesome! definitely my new go to fave (former fave photo is the beautiful bastard)

    @IGiveUp: welcome to the party...

  21. oh LWK. nothing finer than spending thursday nite surfing for robporn and eating fried chicken.

    ohh! and now it's like someone tipped google upside down, stroked it, and fuckhawt robward jizzed all over my laptop.

    i have every one of your pix in my stash...and my favourite, most wank-a-fucking-lishous is the spankward. trufax - it's on my screen saver as i type.

    here are a couple of money shots from my stash...


    "ima-thinkin'-a-lickin' you" rob

    and finally, this cumly bliss...

    "peek-a-boo. ima fuck-you."

  22. Fuck me, how have I not seen some of those pix??? The leather jacket-jeans-and-boots shot? Fuckhottest thing I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure I just ruined my desk chair.

  23. @neverthink - your Grouchoward is HIGHlarious!

  24. My go to Rob pic... the GQ cover. Fuckhawt! It's actually hidden in my office where I can only see...full size cover photo.

    When I get pissed at anyone...I just turn around and look at my special Rob-spot, wink, and imagine him saying "it's ok baby... you still have me."

    Yes... it's Twichotic.

    w/v - ourbo... "yes, Rob is our bo."

  25. over at robsessed they just posted a picture of The Pretty & Precious out at his sister's concert looking a lil bit pisty - so that's where he is!!

  26. @msmalarky. what? can you see all my twatpix? oh that's funny. feel free to grab some hi-res wallpapers. they are cropped for a er ahem 17 inch ahhh errr .....laptop screen.

    vw: tromo

    after drinking in all these mr. pattinson-cumshots, ima gonna be hungover tromo.

  27. @CaC. i've got the pretty mag covers at my desk too. and i also have sound clips on my when i get mail, or a program opens, rob will talk to me. fucking constantly. stuff like "i feel...very...protective of you".

    it's very entertaining, like yesterday, when i was on a camera-link call w/corporate, and all of a sudden edward speaks up and announces "i've never wanted a human so my life". fucking priceless. the facilitator was like "did some one have a question?" i just smiled...

    if you want some clips, email me.

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  29. @hippie-robsnoseinmy-vag.

    dell keyboard -- $89.99

    ruggedized pc w/multiple recharging ports -- %769.99

    using your closeup-noseup screensaver boy toy to get what you want -- fucking priceless.

  30. @hippevag. i see your laughing-rob, and raise you with in-the-pink-rob.


  31. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  32. Oh for fuck sakes. Another set of panties totally evaporated due to the magnificent whore flaps at Twitarded.

    I was working the keypad on the calculator when I decided to take a break and find out what laughs had taken place at Twitardia whoreville, and now I can't remember what I was doing before I came here.

    For fuck sakes. That boy should be illegal. Sigh. Thank you for taking me away from the accounting, even though I am going to have to start all over tomorrow.

  33. Sweet baby Jesus, Neverthink, this one made me slide right off my chair..

    "peek-a-boo. ima fuck-you."

    Pardon me while I wipe my drool...well just pardon me....

  34. Holy fuck. I needed this like MoBS Bella needed the monstercock yesterday. As in moaning-like-a-bruised-beaver-whore bad.

    Glad to know we're all in the same carpal-tunnel rehab center, though. Don't worry, they'll give us Jameson to dull the roar of our G-spot-searchin' pains.

    Speaking of self-love in the name of The Precious...I'll catch you h00rs later. I gots some things to handle.

  35. YOWZA! I think you've added two of my FAVORITE pics. I think the "foursome" pic is pure GENIUS. How does someone look like that? Seriously. And the one where he wants to spank you, KILL ME NOW. If I can't have him... life's ... not ... worth...

    Since we're sharing, here's a few of my faves...

    Ignore KSTEW, he's pure heaven.

    And guys, I can't pick one, but there is some SUPER HOT porn pics of Rob here...just insert your face over KSTEW's and you're in business!

    Great post LKW!

  36. Rob come out and play...puhlease. I am getting all fidgety and paranoid and shit.

    I love all the aforementioned pics but the last one LKW posted is one of my all-time faves. Scruffy Rob is total win but Beardy Rob does things to me I can't even explain. BUT here are a couple more that really, really get me going......

    @LKW--No one puts Robbie in the basement! Show some class. I bet you have him in gray sweats and nothing else. **shaking head**

  37. I haven't laughed this hard in sooo long, before I would read the site then feel dirty, now I read the site and feel dirty but relish it. Hmmmm? thanks gals!

  38. I totally just licked the screen of my iPhone when I saw that leather jacket pic. Sooooooooo pretty.... Um, maybe I shouldn't have done that with my husband sitting next to me. Oh who am I kidding? I don't give a fuck! He'll reap the benefits anyway. Until Rob shows up on my front doorstep, that is. I don't know if I could pick a favorite. I definitely love all of the VF pics.
    My withdrawal symptoms are a twitchy vag, compulsively checking ticket prices to London so I can track down the precious, and refreshing on my window for TwiCrackAddict just in case the ladies over there have digged up some gold. Come on Rob! Throw a gal a bone!

  39. I'll start this comment off with a confession - my 4yr old went up to another mum in the school playground this morning and told her "My Mum loves Rob and she's going to kiss him to death." Yep, thanks son. Anyway, onwards...

    LKW, you upped the stakes in the 'Guess the Twitarded Blogger' game. I used to know it was JJ in the first few lines because she was the dirty one, now I know her posts because she's the not-quite-as-dirty-as-LKW one ;o).

    Fab pics, I miss the Beautiful Bastard :o(.
    A while ago at Edbrella we collected our fave pics and Jelena Twiholic made us a vid. You can see it on the post in this link, tis fab!

    Edbrella's Fave pics

  40. @hypomyvaginaisbiggerthanyorvagina.

    ok, that was a win-win fo shizzy. muchas grass-ie-ass.

    i see your shrieking vagina's "robsdick-in-a-towel", and go all in on the table with this 2-fer i like to call "holycrap 2 & 3"

    vw: gersonst

    after fifty's done w/me in that shower, i'm not gersonst down for days.

  41. @lindsayrae. hey baby - why don't you post that epic fucking pick that scared the shit outta me? hmmm, bella regazza?

  42. @courney. great pix - thanks for blowing your wad w/that last link. i know i blew mine. ;-)

    @vitaminR. ahhhh. spankward. the ultimate, in my book. that has to be THE BEST fucking photo shoot evs. THIS is when i first fell in love w/ The Precious...

  43. JFC, I'm loving all the additions you guys are making to the pile! It's so hard (hehe, I said hard) to only pick a few. And the manips where he's naked... ah ma gawd, I would be very happy if that were an accurate depiction of the preh-tay! Seriously. Very. Happy.

    And might I just add that the VF photo shoot video with KStew... love it! If they ain't fucking, I don't know who is!

    He's just so pretty, I can't stop looking.

    Must go troll the web for pictures of drunk Rob now.


  44. @neverthink - hell yeah! I'd love some of those sound clips. I'll email ya! I'll be the "twichotic" email you see. Thanks!!

  45. @Hypoallergenic Vagina & neverthink - EPIC!!! You two are cracking me up this morning. I almost fell out of my chair with giggles of delight!

  46. speaking of the office...i know it disappeared awhile ago. before i had time to finish it! it was one of my favorite fics. i've been meaning to ask this for it anywhere on the net? ANYWHERE?!
    i miss beautiful bastard. i need it.


    thank you.

  47. @Hypoallergenic Vagina & neverthink you guys should start a blog together to contain all your craziness! LOL

    Whoever "I can't tell the diff between a LKW and a JJ post" I'm going to agree with you. I never know anymore! LMAO.

    And that jeans, white shirt, cig picture could be the death of me.

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  49. Oh my. Once again I am amazed that a bunch of people are thinking the same thing I was thinking. And it reduces the shame. Which I am not entirely sure is a good thing. Too late now, I say.

  50. @neverthink: WHAT? THIS???

    NOT SAFE FOR WORK UNLESS YOU PLAN ON GETTING FIRED. ...but it might be worth it.

    And thanks for the additions to the stash, bitches. I knew I could count on you!

  51. Sorry, I would have commented sooner but I was busy.

    Doing Rob.

    That's where he's been.

    In me.

    Now you know.

  52. @janieisavamp - email me - i i might be able to point u in the right direction.

  53. @cullenarycursor - is that a nice way of saying we are hijacking the thread? cuz i can try to rein it in...

  54. this would be mine.*8syD9E*Lte5vF2eBm8*iqkldkrzdjVMSYNDOp*by8lo0BLUGzP7cFdr478TOvHWQJJ2brSza*roDrU5PejNHWMQA7-mfs/Rob52.jpg

  55. @neverthink. No, you guys just always seem to have these great photos and videos and awesome commentary about them! You guys are too funny and they'd all be great blog fodder!! It was just a thought - I'm sure we'd all follow on your blog if you decide to dip your toe into the blogosphere! There's always room for one more blog! Go for it! Do eet!!!

  56. @neverthink I'd follow you...twice.

  57. @neverthink- um, thank you. i puffy heart you and your pics and the fact that you have sound clips of rob on your computer.
    ps-is that "pull your pants down robward" a for real pic?? because his arms look really...lickable.

    @cathypodd-bless you.

  58. The "Beautiful Bastard" picture is what picture pops up when my hubby calls- just sayin'

  59. I am going to die laughing reading your blogs one day! "Tit punch" LMFAO!!!! & yes, I'm missing our baby too. WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH bawling my bloody eyes out. & I couldn't agree with you more - photos photos more friggin photos dammit!!! Speaking of which, my faves have to be part of the Vanity Fair shoot - holy crap! The bed ones, the one I'm using right now (in more ways than one ... ummm never mind!!) the black and white ones next to the mirror (hey hey! ;D Oh stop it!) &, yes you included GREAT ones here! (Yep, I definitely had THAT pic in my mind when reading 'The Office' too lol).
    LOL "he should come with a warning" - you're not wrong hon! It's a wonder my laptop hasn't blown up thanks to him. Love you girls. MWAH xoxo

  60. Are you intentionally trying to give us all heart attacks?! Christ, I can barely type here. You managed to pick out all my favorites. And yes, that is beautiful bastard from the office. Leather jacket Rob is Edward from Wide Awake. But my absolute, insta-orgasm photo is the one were he's wearing his black button up, and the cigarette by the car photo. Jesus, could he be any fucking hotter? No, no he couldn't.

  61. @robzsinger. yup. that's no manip of robbie p w/the pants a'cummin down. it's for realz, fo shizzy.

    check out more here

    @cullcurse & mrs p. i heart u BBs. for now i am just happy that jj & sty put up w/me & HV...ya know, since we are truble and all.

    we've been known to break other lesser 'tarded blogs w/our porny eays, and kicked the fuck off and such (those fuckers that shall not be named. pussies).

    right, vaggie? fuck yeah. fuckity fuckery fuck-fuck!

  62. @lindsay. umm, ok. so the scary robdickpic didn't exactly pop up au mono...but shit...i feel like i need to take a shower after clickin on all those diiiirty manips. gah.

    srsly. who cums up w/this shit? clearly, that's gayland...and ima lurvin it! only mah gays could take it to that fucking defcon five porny-assed level!

  63. hi guys..
    im a lurker too...but had to come out of hiding for that absolute gem of a in heaven now...

    you guys highlarious..the best...

    oh and VF rob without a doubt :) every time

  64. Hi peeps, I lurked a bit yesterday but lurve your blog so much - I just have to comment! Am so pleased to have a found a place where I can be among like-minded women who harbour age-inappropriate thoughts about the most gorgeous young man on the planet. Have bookmarked you and will be able to indulge my desires (ahem!) forever now! Thank you! Thank you! :-)

    wv: spilie

    I spilied him out of the corner of my eyelie


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