Thursday, April 29, 2010

A New Addition To The Twitarded Family!

It's that time again! Almost, anyway... All the hot stars are adopting and we're not going to be left out! Ok, that might be a bit of a stretch, but it's time for me to place an order online somewhere, stalk the UPS man for the next 48-72 hours, and wait for the Twitarded stork to arrive with the newest addition to our Twilight-y family. Twilight Full-Size Edward and New Moon Full-Size Edward are getting a brother! Honestly, I can't wait to add Eclipse Edward to our current collection of FSEs! I mean, the more the merrier, right??? Our current two Edwards are at Jenny Jerkface's house, and I must come clean and admit that I've been remiss and not been a very good standee mom... One of them - and I won't name names (but it's the cuter one) - has fallen victim to domestic violence. I KNOW!! It's terrible!!! What we learned from this horrid experience: never leave your Edward standee unattended when your s/o is harboring murderous thoughts towards you or resenting the amount of time you spend on all things Twilight. It doesn't end well. For anyone. Just ask JJ and Twilight Edward. [JJ's note: What? He said Edward FELL on the stick, okay?]

Moving on... SO. Check out the new Eclipse Edward standee! I've seen him getting razzed here and there but honestly I think he looks aaah-aight... Much better than grandpa-tweed-wearing, constipation-faced, looking-at-some-random-thing-on-the-horizon-but-never-you New Moon Edward.

Click and then clicky again to make BIG [that's what she said] -

You will scare people in the night.
And maybe go to Medieval Times for photo ops, if we can afford it.
Just because.

This Edward standee is...not bad. I think the outfit is better than that awful suit and the crotch looks...promising and perhaps worthy of a dusting of glitter. However, in keeping with the Saga movie "hit with the ugly stick" tradition, he's not as hot as Robert Pattinson, but not too shabby. But I'm thinking that maybe there is a missed opportunity here...

Who wouldn't pay a few bucks to have a life-size Robert Pattinson standee (or five) gracing their humble abodes? Bring them on! I want to put them in every nook and cranny of the house [er, JJ's house] every time I have a party! Hell, with enough standees, who even needs to invite anyone over to have a soiree? Your house would be filled with well-mannered guests who won't raid your liquor cabinet or pantry, rag on your music selections, or puke into your potted plants.

RPatts standees [FSRPs?] I'd like to get my hands on [if I had photoshop skillz this would be funnier but pretend along with me here, ok?]:

Full-Size Shirtless Edward!
(tweed pants must be removable; airbrushed abs can stay; he definitely glitters)
Full-Size Mischievous-Grin Rob!
Who wouldn't like to wake up to that look? Other than your s/o?

FS Wife-beater Smokin' Rob!

Stoli-shirt Rob FSE - yum!!!

FS Beanie RPatts!!

If I had any one of these I might be one of those weird people who takes a blow-up doll or Japanese pillow with them everywhere and pretends it's real (I'm not elaborating on this - look it up if you dare). Just sayin'... The blog would definitely suffer. As would my marriage.

Do you think they'll charge us extra to take all three FSEs to Forks??? I mean, they HAVE to come along - it's a pilgrimage to their homeland! Plus think of the photo ops! And they do fold up nicely... Uh, maybe I'll ship them ahead rather than spend a day or two explaining to airport security why I need to travel with an ahh-mee of cardboard Edwards...


  1. Too excited for you to have another fse. I like my nm FSE but I like older men. That last pic is taken at Vancouver airport but I am noticing his shirt more than anything. Adorable that it is misbuttoned like my 7 year olds. I am coming to Forks by car from Vancouver. I'll see if Mr TC is willing to drive along FSE too ;)

  2. @STY "ahh-mee of cardboard Edwards..." You just can't let go of Dr.C's new found accent.
    LMAO....I can just see you trying to explain your "ahh-mee" to security.

    But if you are serious sbout shipping them before hand for your Forks trip we should chat....I'm willing to babysit your cardboard Edwards and safely transport them to you once you arrive. I promise not to violate them too much ;)

  3. Just think of the money someone could make if they made all the FSR's (Full Size Robs)! Too funny!

  4. I think I need to start making FSRs - lol! I might be able to retire in that one... Until the lawsuits started rolling in anyway...

    BTW if you're reading this and don't follow the blog, how about signing up??? C'mon - show us some love!

  5. @STY, you would make bank!

    @Dangrdafne, we all would be broke and STY would be laughing all the way to the bank. {{rubbing her hands together and laughing a evil laugh}}

    Who do I make the check out to? LOL!

  6. Fuck. I'd take an FSR doing just about anything...scratchin' his sac, pickin' his nose, bending me over the back of the couch...ya know.

    @JJ ~ Suuuuuuuuuuuuure FSE fell on a just keep telling yourself that. ;)

    Everyone who has a FS, uh...anything should bring it to FOOORRRRKKKKSSSS!!!

    History will be made.


  7. aw come ON - you know that if I struck it rich on ANYTHING I'd totally share the wealth!

    : )

    p.s. welcome to our new follower!

  8. I was at the mall on Monday and a kiosk was selling New Moon FSE's. I would've gone and looked but the dude running thing was creepy... like just got out of the joint with a twitchy eye creepy. I hope someone else is running it next time.
    But seriously the mint that could made one Full-Size Rob's!

    Welcome to the family FS Eclipse Edward! Cannot wait for the new photo shoots.

  9. God I gotta put Twilight FSE on my birthday wish list.

    But a ROB standee?... Even better!
    I want I want! Oooh I'd want the one with sexpenders ..please! ;)

    I'm too am afraid that I'd turn into one of those crazies bitches that start having conversations with their dolls and have serious delusions that I was in a monogamous relationship with my FSRP. Terrified I'd go all "Lars and the Real Girl" on my own ass! (Weird movie btw).

  10. why does eclipse fse look like he got punched in the eye? i mean, did they want to make that one weird eye look like that one weird new moon nip? something must be awry in the summit symmetry department...

  11. i definitely need FS Vanity Fair Rob! so hawt want to touch the hiney!!

  12. Cash Cow alert!!! Why aren't there a million FSRobs out there? If we can't clone him (or can we? mwahahaha!)this is the next best thing! Perhaps this hasn't happened yet for the very reason you outlined in this fine post...he would be everywhere...this could lead to some sort of psychotic hallucinatory state of consciousness for millions of women everywhere....sounds great! Sign me up!

    STY-I am your Seattle PO Box shipping got my number dahling...ship away. Though I think the airport discovery would make for a better story. Do you know how many bag searches of my purse have revealed Pocket E...I have gotten some interesting looks and some eye rolls.

    BTW, I have dibs on FS Wife-Beater Smokin' Rob....mine!

  13. @STY This is a winning entrepreneurial endeavor. I'll pay cash and I won't tell anyone where my FSR came from.

    @VitaminR if you get FSWBSR then maybe STY can hook me up with a FSRR (Rome Rob).

  14. Oh, when I say FS anythings...I mean that shit.

    Got yourself a FS Kirk Cameron? A FS David Lee Roth? Or how 'bout a FS Ronald McFuckface? They are all welcome! Can't you just see your FS Gene Simmons posing next to the FSE's or FSR's...or each other???

    One of my besties works at Kinko's...and I have a mini-van. Just imagine the possibilities.

    Helloooo whorefaces??!!

  15. Glue Stick - $.99

    Silver Glitter - $2.99

    Watching STY lube up and blow (cough, cough) FSE's crotch to make it sparkle - FUCKING HYSTERICAL!!!

    Oh and BTW, I am ever so distressed at not be able joining the Twitarded ahh-mee to FOOORKS. YOu bitches better post some good fucking shit while you're there!

  16. I am trying to find some profound meaning in the fact that I think real life Rob is so much more attractive than full size cardboard Edward, reconciled with the fact that I have never seen either in more than 2 dimensions. Warped.

  17. @VR ~ I may have to take you down over wife-beater smokin' Rob... ;P

    He is in me. See me blog.

    I know...I'm a shameless slut. Meh.
    Still can't wait to meet your face!

  18. @smartEpantz - hahah a friend at Kinko's and a minivan? We're good to go!

    Bring on the ah-mee of cardboard Edwards!

    Note to self - find things to do other than commenting on Twitarded so JJ & STY don't block me and/or get a restraining order. Must pretend to have a life. Try chess. Don't forget blinking.

  19. I want one of these!

  20. I ordered myself a LIfe Size silhouette of Edward[0]=tags&includes[1]=title

    Well it´s normal, right? ;)

    Where can I get the new standee? Inquirung minds want to know.

  21. Thanks STY, I'll take one of each please. My bookclub needs an aahhmee of FSR's.

  22. lol I just had to comment because YESTERDAY I was thinking the exact same thing! I was staring at my full sized New Moon Edward (at work....because my awesome coworker peeps decided it would be funny to surprise me with FSE in my cube for my 30th bday...needless to say my twilight obsession is out of the closet now...*but at least they dont know about the fanfiction* sigh) ANYWAY as I was staring at FSE, as I'm often prone to do since he is a bit distracting when I'm just sitting at work...I was thinking about 1) how remarkable it was that they could make someone so beautiful look that bad and 2) how absolutely awesome it would be if it were an RPattz cutout instead. Because then I would definitely NEVER get any work done. :)

    Loved the post.....

  23. Do you know how lucky you are to have 3 FSE's???? OMG, my hubward and oldes son would have a friggin strokes if I brought one into the house. I'll just live vicariously through you....and depend of the kindness of friends who own FSE's to bring him over for Twilighty events. You have to post a pic of you posing with him as soon as he arrives!

  24. I can only imagine what debauchery is in store for the newest addition to your FSE collection! Also can't wait to see pics!

  25. Poor ML has no say if we get another FSE -- he's already out-voted. I refuse to put them away (I think there is a picture of my family Christmas party where Edward(s) are lurking in the corner somewhere on this blog)

    Plus, it's awesome when unsuspecting people (here's looking at you cable guy and water guy) walk into the house and shriek like little bitches when they turn the corner.

  26. I'm thinking Eclipse FSE is hotter than Twilight FSE. Me likey!! I might have to finally breakdown and get me some of that FS action LOL

  27. The Eclipse FSE does look like he has a black eye, WTF? I want the shirtless FSR! Grrrr Baby!

  28. I need an FSRob from the Details shoot, where he's spread-eagled leaning back on the table, and then the sparkle peen can be attached with duct tape. Who's taking orders?

  29. You know, you can have lifeseze stand ups made at Hallmark... I may just go and have a lifesize paper doll of His Holy Hotness made my self.

  30. I have wanted an FSE but haven't bought one. My bf is very understanding about my obsession, but I'm pretty sure that me purchasing a cardboard Edward would freak him out. However, if I received one as a gift...

    @STY We def need the ah-mee of FSEs for Forks.

    @Princesspottymouth I had no idea Hallmark would make stand ups. OMG the possibilities are endless.

  31. Oh, the things I would do to FSwifebeatersmokingR. He'd have to be covered in plastic wrap for the things I would do to that thing.

    Pretty sure I'd end up cutting a hole and making my bf gloryhole it. I would fuck the HELL out of him if he were attached to a FSR. Oh g-d...I'm imagining it right now. I would videotape that shit and put it ALL over the interwebz. From my POV, obvs, so I wouldn't be ruined or anything.

  32. @STY- I could totally see you doing FSR's as a hobby. Haha. You totally need an "AHHH-MEEE" of FSR's & FSE's.
    And as long as you kept that shit on the DL and strictly sold to only those on a need to know bases (like those of us who spend most of our time here in Twidardia), I don't for see any lawsuits....
    Just sayin.

    @Lindsay Rae & @Z Any Mouse you had me lol'ing so hard, Its a good thing I wasn't attempting to drink my coffee. It could have been a disaster.

    @ Toefunny & @Ms.Dazzleme - thanks for the links... I am sooo getting one of each! =]

    p.s. this site makes my life that much better. sorry it took so long for me to realize I could follow the blog. Haha. blonde moment.

  33. Super! Another FSE Mr. Moxie won't let me have.

    If I had a FSR it better have a dick because I couldn't resist that shit. Hmmmmm. That's prolly why Mr. Moxie disapproves.

  34. I know mmMoxie- my husband would stick pins in it every night and stick his gum on Edwards nose. That would just start WWIII in my house... and Im so not going there.

    My only problem with this `cardboard cutout is Edward looks like the Fonz. His expression and the extra long muttonchops... Ayyyyye. *two thumbs up* I'd still hump his leg.

  35. Damn! I should have thought to ask for one for Mother's Day. That beats hanging flower baskets any day.

    @Twilightcupcake - I am still SO excited that you're coming to Forks with us!

    @Z Any Mouse - Details Rob with your specifications would be a bestseller for sure ;)

    @STY - We need a Drunk Rob FSE for FFFOOORRRKKKSSS!!! Just sayin'.


  36. @Lisa - For your Drunk Rob FSE just grab one (maybe New Moon FSE, because he needs to loosen up a bit), stick a Madonna pointy bra on him and he should be good to go!

  37. I love the look of Eclipse FSE. I think I just may be really into him in that denim coat. I have to figure out an excuse to buy one. I managed to get Twilight FSE because I was put in charge in getting a life size standee for our church Chirstmas play, and to my intense fortune, all anyone had was Edward. Soooooooo happy about that. So now I have to get a bit more creative.

  38. If I brought a FSE or FSR into the house I think my hubby would issue an ultimatum... I can just hear it now... "its the cardboard or me!" I just don't think he'd like my reply!

    Someone will just have to order one for me and keep it at their house... just send me a picture please!!! There, now someone has an excuse (not that you need one) 8-)

  39. @17ForeverLisa and I were just tweeting and she brought up the fact the a drunk FSRob would be the best FSR ever to have in FOOORRRKKKSSSS. I, for one, think she is absofuckinglutely right. Make is so Twitards with resources to do such things. Build it and I will come.

  40. @vitR - hey if anyone point me to a choice drunk rob standing pic, i'll try and work some err MAGIC and get one done.

    @jj - japanese pillows. i just had to go look that shit up. and people think we twitards are nuts? sheesh. but hey i don't judge. i guess if it's soft and you can lay on top of it, then you can fuck it.

    and yes puhleaze - bring the holy trinity to foooooorrrkkkss. pretty pleaze ;-)

  41. After reading all the comments, I think, if someone who is REALLY crafty, has the time, money, rolls of paper and ALOT of ink cartridges, could make a series of FS-Robs & Edwards, put them all on ONE piece of cardboard, print out the FS pictures, put them on the cardboard, cut the picture into thirds(head, torso, hips-legs), and then we can flip the paper & make whatever FS-Rob/Edward we want! HELLO, KINKOS?

    Note: Whoever does this, please send me the royalty checks, make out to Rottymama. LOL

  42. @Rottymama ~ About 40 comments ago I mentioned that I have a friend who is a manager at a FedEx/Kinkos and I drive a minivan!!! LOL!

    Oooohhhh, she could prolly hook us up with a shit ton of FSE/FSR's and ship them out to FFOOOOOORRRRRKKKKSSSS!!!


  43. @lindsay rae: OMG, I cracked up at cutting the peen hole in the FSE and then I started my new craft project. Thank you!

    Very word: exces. Nuf said.

  44. It's pretty sad since I'm an immature single adult and I don't dare get a FSE as my daughter would never speak to me again. Then again, after giving her rent money this month, that might not be a bad plan... except she may be getting a great new job and making more money than me so she can start paying me back! Dilemmas, dilemmas.

  45. Just think of the money someone could make if they made all the FSR's (Full Size Robs)! Too funny!


Comments are our life now. Leave one!