Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Twilight Movie Franchise: Making Hawt People Fugly Since 2008

I know we've discussed the...clusterfuck that is hair, makeup and outfits in all the Twilight movies ad nauseum. I mean, we're getting to the beating-a-dead-horse stage here. Over the last year and a half, we've basically ripped the movies limb from limb and burned the pieces.

But I just can't let it go.

I just don't get it. I have no idea how one franchise can take a bunch of really good looking smoking hot people and then beat the ever living shit out of them with the ugly stick. Seriously.

Exhibit A: Alice Cullen, aka Little Lord Fauntleroy.

If I wanted to, this post would be the fucking l-o-n-g-e-s-t post ever because there is simply that much fodder to go around. I could could wax poetic all day pointing out how they've managed to uglify nearly every single person in that cast.

Exhibit B: Shockingly, this is actually the best wig in the saga...

But I won't, if only because statistically, the average blog reader has the attention span of a rabid squirrel. And, frankly, so do I.

So, I'm going to focus on one thing and one thing only:

What the hell did they DO to Jackson Rathbone?

Jackson's not the only thing that's wet...

Jackson is hot. He's handsome, he has a cute little smile and dimples and he's just... yum.

Hellooooo cutiepie... I've got something you can put in your mouth...

Fine, he might not be your cup of tea or whatever but he's got the looks. Just admit it.

Thing is, you wouldn't know that from watching the movies, because so far Jasper has run the gamut of looking like a constipated poodle to looking like a fucking tranny who got in a fight with a flour bag. And lost. Badly.

It's like I'm watching the Evolution of Totally Shitty Hair.

Poodle-riffic. See? Even Alice and her bad wig is checking out his hair and trying not to laugh.

Aww, it's Little Lord Fauntleroy and her boyfriend, Muppethead.

I apparently skipped over the part in the books where Jasper gets a sex change...

Oh mah gahd, THE HAIR!! It's sofa king BAD. I mean, seriously--even he's trying to run away from it...

geteroff, geteroff, GETEROFF MY HEAD!!!

It just baffles me that it seems like Summit & Co. have actively been working to make the characters look like total freaky douchesters.

Why, Summit?! WHY?

Incidentally, want to know who actually looked fucking great throughout the Twilight and New Moon films?


Conspiracy? Possibly.

Okay, probably not. But honestly, why the fuck can't Summit get this shit right? These are vampires. They're supposed to be beautiful and enticing and... well, it's just not happening. Not consistently.

I know I have a better chance of RPattz hunting me down and professing his undying love and affection for me, but I'm really hopeful they get that shit right in Breaking Dawn.

Oh please. Who am I kidding?

What Summit needs is one of us to be on-set. At all times. You have all suggested it numerous times before and you're totally fucking right.

We'll stop them from dressing Alice like a... a fucknut and keep them from making Jasper look like a pasty-twatty poodled-assface. No more mauve lipstick for Edward or ridicky-donk wig for Rosalie (though it looks like they finally got this right in Eclipse. Maybe).

We would get it right. Twitard's Honor.

72 comments:

  1. I don't get it. Many of the hair folks work in or are from Hollywood - the frackin' weave/extension capital of the WORLD. I think the production team for Breaking Dawn needs to watch Chris Rock's documentary Good Hair and pull some hair stylists out of that movie to work on getting these actors tracks, wigs, and/or weaves right.

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  2. Oh how I wish I could come up with quotes that fucking amazing LOL from constipated poodle to tranny buahahaha. Yeah the makeup dept needs a some uh something Idk what but shit I saw some screencaps from the last Eclipse trailer on my twi facebook group of Edward and he looked like a damn powdered donut!! It must take true talent to consistently fuck up that horribly!

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  3. I'm glad this is a rantfuck post because I'm in a pissed off pissed on mood.
    I agree. wtf are they thinking? This stuff isn't rocket science. I mean REALLY, it's NOT.
    GODDAMNITTOHELLINAHANDBASKETWHATAFUCKINGCLUSTERFUCKOFAMONTH
    phewwwwwwwww that felt good.
    yeah, so....

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  4. I'm in the minority I know, however I like Jasper's hair this go-round. Eclipse, I mean. lol But yeah the Jackie-O matronly look on Alice has got to go.

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  5. Trish Monaghan blows monkey chunks!! I cannot believe Slade hired her to do wardrobe/costumes for Eclipse when her costumes for New Moon took fugly to new heights.

    Someone hire me, I have taste!

    @CariStereo

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  6. You know, I've thought about this so much, and discussed it so much, with so many people who are not as TwiTarded as I am, and I just don't get it. Ok, well, I get the first movie a bit, they were sorta low budget and obviously, that movie is not the best one there ever was, but Alice is supposed to be fashionable, and she's supposed to be all over her family's wardrobe, but clearly she isn't in this movie franchise. I'm pretty sure they used wardrobe left over from after school specials in the 80s.

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  7. "It's sofa king BAD. I mean, seriously--even he's trying to run away from it..." - I actually choked on nothing, I laughed so hard.

    I didn't even know "Jasper's" real life name until I saw JBone in the movie 'Dread', randomly at Horrorfest in NYC.

    *THAT* is when the insatiable obsession began....

    Natch, I took this brand new knowledge of his insane hotness, and I re-watched Twilight and actually paid attention to Jasper, and then wondered how the fuck I missed him in the first place! He had his real hair, crazy and wavy, dyed blond. Not bad at all. While I prefer him a brunette, I still wouldn't kick him out of bed...

    Than came the New Moon cluster fuck of a wig that looked like what would be born of a poodle violating a ball of twine with a cheap curling iron.

    The only one who felt a deeper sorrow than me was my vagina.

    Now, it looks like Jasper's vagina will be the one crying in Eclipse...

    Sigh.
    Oh Jackson, thank goodness you're multi talented demi-god in real life.
    Don't let the wig or the sex change get you down - I'd still fuck you six ways from Sunday...

    :)

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  8. I've been laughing since I read the title. So freakin' hilarious! I couldn't agree more...why can't Jasper just have his own hair and I never got the idea while reading the books that Jasper has a constant look of constipation. I think they should just powder his nose and let him go. I also totally agree with Alice's wardrobe...what the heck are they thinking? She's so freakin gorgeous and they make her look all frumpy.

    Good post.

    Tess

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  9. I am in tears from reading this. You basically said everything I have thought watching these movies.
    Didn't they make like millions of dollars on these things. Do they think 5 dollar wigs from Wigs-r-us is going to cut it? Thank god we all know these people look better.

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  10. Thank you!! Your captions were hilarious and spot on. Just what I needed today. I don't try and understand what they are doing to these lovely people.

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  11. Ah JJ, you have an ability to make me hork up a lung like no other...seriously, I'm still laughing at Jacksper 'looking like a fucking tranny who got into a fight with a flour bag.' Awesome.

    I actually think the Eclipse wig is an improvement. It totally blows, but it's still better than the poodle-wig and the electrocuted-poodle-wig. Did any of these fucktards in hair and make-up actually READ the books?! They definitely need an on-set Twitard to make these decisions for them.

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  12. I myself wonder why they make Peter look old when they make him up as Carlisle. A couple months ago, while looking at set photos, I thought to myself, "I didn't think PFach was that old." Then after I saw a clip of him on TV from that day, and he looked 10 years younger. What did they do that for. Carlisle is only supposed to be 23, and I can see how for a visual, they may want Carlisle to appear older so the audiance can accept the father role, but the way they have him look, I don't think the Cullens' will ever have to move because Carlisle looks younger than he is supposed to be.

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  13. I couldn't agree more. If they make Jasper any uglier, by the time they get to Breaking Dawn he's going to be biting his way out of Bella. He'd look better with a Donald Trump comb-over. Mmm, maybe not.

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  14. Oh god yes! Summit manages to take some of the most gorgeous people on the planet and in the process of making them " beautiful sparkly vamps" end up uglifying them. Hair. Wardrobe. Makeup. A virtual trifecta of ugly. My only conclusion with Rachell/Victoria is that she said, "no thanks", did her own hair/makeup/styling, then ended up making those "professionals" look bad by outshining them. So they conveniently got rid of her. And I still wanna know who Melissa R is blowing to keep getting hired to write some of the stupidest dialogue in history. (Has ANYONE under the age of 40 ever actually uttered the phrase, 'do you have some kind of beef with him??? ') gah! It's all a conspiracy I tells ya.

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  15. @SidewalkCandy - Where's the beef??? (shaking fist)

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  16. I started my half-ass Twitter campaign to @Twilight again today that they need to hire me to consult. I work for cheap-cheap. In fact, by Hollywood's standards my fees would be just a mere dew drop in the bucket. Come on Summit! You NEED me and my lifeling link to all my Twitarded sistas.

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  17. Oh JJ...You had me at "Fugly." I almost tucked in for the l-o-n-g-e-s-t post ever, but I thank you for reigning that shit in. And I knew you were gonna lay into the Jacksper sitch.

    That poor, poor, fuckhawt Jasper. No wonder he did Airbender....he needed to get away from the poodle/perma/muppethead. Even if it was just for a bit. I still want to lick him thoroughly. Just so we're clear.

    I'm so afraid of what the fuck they're going to do to BD. I don't even want to think about it today. What I do want to do is suggest one of us getting our asses on Oprah for the Twi shit and have her pay Scummit to get us on set for authenticity stuff. And wanton sex slave to whoever needs us.

    Obv Steph doesn't care that much. She put her foot down on some minor things along the way, but never, never have I heard anything about her bitching about what the characters look like from script to screen. If I were her, I'd be walking around with a lighter, pulling off those wigs, and make an effigy of the Summit logo. Oh, and throw on all of the white fucking powder, too. And the too-yellow contacts. And the mauve lipstick. And Carlisle's accent.



    vw: hirag

    "Get those hirags off of Kristen and Jackson. They look like dead animals."

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  18. My fellow twimoms and I discuss that hair adnauseum as well...the fact that they work (extra super power that is wearing a cape) hard to make jackson as fugly as they do, hurts my heart...I think the wig lady is a ginormous fan of florence henderson because jackson is following her through the 70's. Poor Jasper..he is soooo sitcom mom. When I saw the pics from Eclipse...I think I threw up in my mouth a little...somebody needs to stop them and ask the women lusting after our fav hawt start

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  19. Kay, I'm a newbie here (been reading a long time, never posted) but this post was sofa king hysterical I almost fell off my computer chair from laughing.

    Seriously though, as a cancer/chemo patient, I have tons of great looking wigs that put theirs to shame. And I am on a budget! WTF is Summit's excuse!

    Maybe I should let them borrow some of mine for Breaking Dawn.

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  20. Thank GOD I am not the only one going "WTF did you do to Jackson's hair???"

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  21. Ok so Jaspers hair in eclipse seens to have grown as well!!.. Or is that just an illusion since it hasnt got a perm through it..

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  22. Clothings in Twilight were the best of 2 movies. At least Edward dressed like a 17 not like an ancient old fart in New Moon.Chris totally blew that. Hope Eclipe is better but horrified to hear that Slade used the same Trish who dressed everybody fugly in NM.

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  23. It's almost criminal what they've done to Jackson. I need to tell him personally...

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  24. This is one of the reasons I love the original movieTwilight the best because they got a lot more of this stuff right - apparently having a low budget works in your favor sometimes.

    The Hillywood's New Moon characters looked so much better than Scummit's. Hell, half the satires on the web look better than scummit's.

    @sidewalkcandy - I don't know if Melissa R has written any original lines of dialog - she's usually quoting directly from the books.
    Hmmmm....

    WV: "chpere" The internet site where they buy the wigs.

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  25. ...Pretty sure there were no spidermonkeys in SM's books. (Yeah I know Melissa didn't write that one, but I still say she included a lot of cheeze. )

    Fkat

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  26. @JJ & STY - like it or not, because of you, Twilight SagaPalooza was born one year ago. Thanks tainty slankets!

    http://twilightsagapalooza.blogspot.com/2010/04/you-ungrateful-bitches-forgot-our.html

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  27. "I apparently skipped over the part in the books where Jasper gets a sex change..."

    LMFAO!

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  28. Don't get me started!
    Don't EVEN get me started!
    It's just a travesty!
    The wigs.
    The make-up.
    The alien with allergies yellow-red-rimmed-eyes.
    Esme's ginormous forehead!

    There's just too much.

    And yes, the only awesome one is Rachelle with her super hot clothes and fire red hair!

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  29. Poor Jacksper is what pisses me off the most. I fangirl about him all the time and my friends think Im nuts. I had to spam them with Jackson porn just to prove I havent gone insane. The eclipse wig is not great BUT its a slight improvment. Maybe summit will redeem themselves with BD. I ain't gonna hold my breath though.

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  30. OMG I'm dying here JJ: "pasty-twatty poodled-assface". has a more apt phrase ever been coined to describe the Summitting of Jack-sper? I doubt it. In fact, I'd call this my favourite Twitarded post of 2010 so far. Kudos, JJ, kudos.

    By the way, there's no hope whatsoever for Breaking Dawn. Smeyer is now getting a producer credit and it'll be directed by dude who did Dream Girls. LAAAAAAME.

    at best we can watch it ironically, and then go home and read some fanfic.

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  31. Did you do it on purpose or you actually forgot to compare Edward´s hair in the 3 movies??? In Twilight it was the hottest thing ever. On NM it was like everything in NM... blah, and in Eclipse is totally awful. Looks like shit. Vampires with bad hair. WTF.

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  32. The caption on the picture of Jasper... geteroff, geteroff, GETEROFF MY HEAD!!! I nearly choked on my beverage! Now that is just fucking pure genius.

    I'm offering my services as Twitarded advisor on Breaking Dawn. If they tried to put bad mauvey lipstick on Edward, I would just have to keep kissing it off... and then the only place he'd be wearing that lipstick is on his cock. LOL!

    Great post JJ...

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  33. "Pasty-twatty poodled-assface" and "Twitard's honor" are both going permanently into my vocabulary.

    And you are fucktastically awesome.

    That is all.

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  34. Oh and @ JennaVendetta - I just spit my tea all over my keyboard when I read "the only one sadder than me was my vagina." :-D Sorry I just have to make a call to IT now...

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  35. @Amanda - I'm always glad to hear that I'm not the only one being twitarded at work and horking shit on keyboards!

    Speaking of work, I want to know when they start accepting job applications for the DB consultants!
    I'll even work for free to do justice to JBone's hotness.

    Perhaps when he sees how stellar my results are, he can... uh... pay me in trade.

    I'll even work weekends for that shit.

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  36. Ah! I meant BD consultant!
    See? I'm in such a tizzy over it all, I'm making critical errors!

    Don't worry Summit, it won't happen again after you hire me! (Not that you're in any position to judge me for making mistakes after WigGate, but whatever...)

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  37. Ah, great post. I agree the clothing in Twilight was so iconic compared to the thrift store rags in New Moon. I even bought the Alice dress from Twilight, but I wouldn't even consider buying any of the crap that was used for New Moon! Yeesh, nothing like being dressed like a old codger... What were they thinking!?! Maybe would should all get behind the campaign to get @Twilight to hire @VitaminR as a hair and makeup consultant.

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  38. Great post JJ! At what point will the actors actually stand up and say no to the styling? Surely they can see how shitty they look? Or do they not give them mirrors?

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  39. JJ, Summit's mistakes with wardrobe, hair and make-up are so horrific that there is no such thing as just moving on or discussing this subject way too much.

    I'll sign your petition and pledge 200 signatures to have Twitarded go to the Breaking Dawn set to give your opinion on these very important issues affecting the Twihard community. Hell, I'll even donate money to fly you girls over to the location. We have to put a stop to their uglyfying beautiful people! It's just not right!

    P.S.- I love Eduard and I could stare at him for hours and hours even if he were wearing a potato sack but the apart from the first scene's outfit, I shudder every time I see his suit. Don't they have money? Couldn't he have a custom made Italian cut suit or something? Was that "in" in 1912 and he just kept it in good condition? That was a grandpa suit! Ok, I just needed to get that out of my chest. Grraagghh!

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  40. I totally agree! Jasperella. Damn, thats one bad wig. I seriously think they hired a crackhead off the streets to choose the clothes. They apparently went to the finest Salvation Army they could find. And the wigs are straight from the 1970's. WHYYYYYYY??????

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  41. Jasper in New Moon has Mike Brady hair from the Brady Bunch!!!!

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  42. @jj thank you for this post. it truly made my day. you are so on point.

    dear summit, please hire a hairstylist who specializes in weaves and wigs. i can recommend one or two people- really i can. how can you tell a good weave from a bad weave or wig? so glad you asked. hmmm, it doesn't look like the hair on jacob, jasper, alice, carlisle or kate gosslin.. i’m sure twilight fandom would be willing to donate money towards this effort, just set up a pay pal account. please and thank you.

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  43. Does anybody else think that Jasper is wearing Esme's "caramel waves" wig in the Eclipse picture?

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  44. OMG I couldn't agree with you more. I mean, for heaven's sake, like you said, these are VAMPIRES: one of they're friggin enticements is to be supernaturally (literally) beautiful/stunning/gorgeous/sexy-as-fuck ... umm yeah, where was I? (Sorry, RPattz suddenly wandered into my mind then for some reason ... ;D. Ahem, FOCUS TJ!!) ANNNND they have THE cast for it! but WHY - HOW, even??! - do they keep fecking this up??! Are there people at Summit who are REALLY that jealous and spiteful of all these beauties and this is how they exact their revenge ...?? (LMAO over the Victoria conspiracy. Cute - shame we can't have her back now. Bugger.)

    No doubt you all have too, but when I listened to the 'New Moon' commentary (how DARE our Robster not be on it! Grrrrr) in regards to Alice's smock, the director said she had been in art class! LMFAO!! Umm ok, so isn't that a stereotype/cliche that every art student (or student who sits in an art classroom for an hour) wears a freakin' smock?? That needs to be addressed I think ... As for the poor, constantly folically mistreated, loveable and very luscious Mr Rathbone - can we say CRUEL CRUEL CRUEL??! Summit are a bunch of sadists where this poor dude's concerned. He is SO yummay and AAAGGHHH WTF are they doing???! I still find his hair all right in 'Twilight' (I know it's leaning on poodle, but it's never bothered me that much) and now I've seen 'New Moon' with the whole 'Golden Girls' do and, even though I prayed enough to make a nun feel small, on seeing 'Eclipse' (OMG NOT AGAIN!!) it makes me appreciate the poodle even more! If anything his barnet keeps getting worse! I didn't think that was remotely POSSIBLE!!!! But pat on the back you Summit bigwigs -(I bet that's where the problem lies; they're all losing their hair and have to wear God-awful hair pieces or combovers so they're taking it out on these poor, lovely sods) - they pulled it right out of the curling tongs with this latest abomination! *SHAKING HEAD SADLY* And we all know in 'Breaking Dawn' it'll look even worse! I definitely think you guys should be let in to sort those bozos in the hair/make up department out - and I wouldn't mind helping. Also, it's only fair if someone sets Jasper loose on them. They brought it on themselves ...

    One more thing (I promise!!!) PS to stylists: MAKE BELLA BLOODY (my bad over the pun) SEXY OR ELSE! Didn't we have to suffer enough with Alice's excruciatingly bad vision?! PLEASE let this not encourage them to cock up here an all. It's not like they need the encouragement! And if Summit soddin complain, shove an eyeliner up their nose!

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  45. LMFAO! - "Aww, it's Little Lord Fauntleroy and her boyfriend, Muppethead."

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  46. Total conspiracy about Victoria, right? I just sounded like Jessica.

    Anywho, I have been up later than i'd like to admit reading fanfic. Gosh I wish MOTU would update. Waiting is for the birds. I'm also reading Weight of Words-good shit. But not for readers who are into the wham bam thank you mam. Where can I find MOBS? I've seen it posted a couple of times. Master of Bella Swan i'm assuming....? but you what they say about people who assume...they make an ass out of u and me. ha!

    why yes, i have had a glass of wine. suck it.

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  47. I agree that Victoria had the best hair and wardrobe. Unfortunately, the one photo you used shows her roots! I never even noticed before... you can see Rosalie's roots in Twilight too. It's like they couldn't even afford to touch up their dye job???

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  48. @Robzinger
    MOBS = The Misapprehension of Bella Swan --- it's by same author who wrote Clipped Wings and Inked Armour.

    happy lemon reading!

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  49. @RobzSinger - OMG you must read MoBS - the first few chapters are so hot I had trouble explaining to my roommates while I spent the entire evening in my room with the door closed while a mysterious buzzing sound was emanating from behind it...

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  50. now that i've just accepted the fact that poor jasper will never be the hottie he should be on screen... and convinced myself that chalk is so totally the same thing as marble... i. cant. stop. seeing. sideburns.

    everytime i see the trailer now it's like i've gone back in time to 1993 when I was 12 and Brandon Walsh/Dylan McKay were racing to see who could grow muttenchops first.

    maybe they're trying to make then fugly in the hopes of toning down the fan obsession? so rpattz can go outside again to buy more hotpockets and smokes w/out being shoved in front of taxis? no.... they just SUCK as their jobs. assfaces :*(

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  51. After seeing Jackson Rathbone in person, I'm even more disgusted at his onscreen look. He was up for the part of Edward for godsakes, he should look waaaaaaaay hotter!

    And poor Ashley Greene, the first time I saw a picture of her I did not believe she was the actress who played Alice. She is adorable in real life and has more of a light, airy grace to her that Alice was described as having but it didn't really transfer on to the screen.

    At least Emmett has remained consistent in his look. I hope they don't screw him up for BD because I am really looking forward to funny Emmett in BD!

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  52. @Mshopeful2010, all the best with your battle xx, when my mum was fighting hers she had a lovely wig, in fact she even recieved compliments from people on her new hair do.
    According to my Twilight Directors Notebook, that's Jackspers real hair, quote "Jackson had to go blonde too". If you look at the picture on that page (and not drool there's something wrong with you) you can see that his hair is dark with lots of streaks in it not wholly blonde. How fucking hard would it be to do that again? I can understand Nikki Reed not wanting to go through that agin for 2 scene's in NM but what they've done to Peter Fuckinelli is just as bad. Don't get me started on what they have done to Edward (not Rob, they tried to make him look bad in Remember Me & only made him hotter)with his hair make-up, contacts & clothes-YUK!
    I could go on for hours (as we all could) but suffice to say this was a fucking hilarious post & the comments have been priceless.
    W/v hukpersu-I hukpersu in my mouth a little bit when I see what they've done to Jacksper.

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  53. @MsHopeful2010 - Hi there!! Welcome aboard the comment train!!

    I have a feeling if we all got our way there would be a LOT of "consultants" on the set of Breaking Dawn, lol.

    But that would make it that much better, right?

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  54. jj- great post! i was laughing the whole way through. loved the captions. when i saw twilight for the first time, i thought their hair was a joke. like, they were all disguising themselves and at some point we were going to see what their real hair looked like. it confounds me that they can't they can't come up with anything better, and eclipse looks like it's going to be the worst yet! it's like they're trying to outdo the uglification of the previous movie. at least twilight had their budget as an excuse!

    i'm glad i can always turn to twitardia to see pics of the twiguys in all their hawt glory!

    vw: formedo. jasper's hair looks like toto after he was sucked up by the formedo

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  55. @Fragile Little Human, you slayed me with the formedo!!!

    Also, I just walked in from my day at work. I didn't have time to shower this morning, and I had scrunched my hair yesterday, so I just slapped some more gel in that puppy and went to work. Just now I took my hair down, and since it was half-wavy and so full of disgusting product that it practically stood up by itself, it looks JUST LIKE JASPER'S HAIR. I shit you not. I look like fucking Jasper right now.

    Fuck you, Summit, fuck you.

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  56. Addicted2TwilightApril 29, 2010 at 9:52 PM

    You are right on! I had NO idea how how Jackson was until I saw him at the New Moon premiere and I was like who is that hottie?! OH REALLY!? So hot!!

    I agree with everything you said except for Alice, I freaking love everything about her clothes. I do hate the New Moon wig.

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  57. I saw someone else make this comment, and I agree: Jackson is so much better looking in person! I met him after his band played a "gig" in Tulsa and he is simply adorable! And a VERY talented musician. Who can resist a man that can play music?!? Here's a link to my Jackson pictures:

    http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2046877&id=76903635&l=eb82ce49a9

    Hmmm-Had to wait for Jackson after the concert in a dark, deserted alley and then I crept out of the shadows like some crazy stalker...Does that sound stalkerish? I guess if the shoe fits...

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  58. @RobzSinger
    OY!

    I LOVE Weight of Words!
    MoBS is also so freakin' Hot!
    Another one is "The Cannabean Betrothal" by ItzMegan73. I am only on chp 20 and have never been so turned on by just a kiss. (that's as far as the lemons have gotten, but I'm sure there is more to come since it's rated M) It is so innocent that a hand holding gives me chills.

    What's your twitter handle? (I'm "CupcakeDonna")
    We need to compare notes!

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  59. So many consultants!

    I can see the credits rolling now...

    Consultants to the MakeUp & Wigs dept. and Mr Pattinson's "ejaculate release specialists"...........Twitarded H00rs, Inc.

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  60. @jj. FLMAOROLFAIPIMPALATIFOAIGBUAKOLBBQ [trans: fuckinglaughingmyassoffrollingonlivingromfloorandipeedinmypantsalittleandthnifelloverandigotbackupakeptonlaughingbbq]

    vw: fribular

    i broke a fucking fribular laughing at this spot-on hi-fuck-me-in-my-ass post!

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  61. I know how they can work in Jaspers she-male look...every time there is a scene with him in it the music will play Dude Looks Like a Lady...Then they can put the song on the soundtrack...

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  62. You need to write a comment in response to Bill Condon's message on facebook about comments for Breaking Dawn.

    http://team-twilight.com/20100430/breaking-dawn-director-bill-condons-note-fans/#more-28850

    Tell him you ladies need to be consultants!!!

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  63. Oh my!!! My girlfriends have been trying to get me to read this blog for a while and I've finally just done so today while sitting in a hotel room in India all by myself. I just laughed so hard that I had tears rolling down my cheeks and so loud that I'm pretty sure someone is about to be knocking on my door in a moment to tell me to shut the hell up. You ladies are hysterical!!

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  64. Only those Fucktards at Summit could make these people fugly! I can't decide which is worse the hair or the clothes - Alice's kindergarten-finger-painting smock takes the fucking cake!

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  65. I'm been super behind on reading the blog. (Really busy/crappy couple of weeks) and I just stumbled across this post now. I'm crying with laughter and nearly peed (note to self - don't drink a giant Booster Juice and then read blog)

    Love, love, love your description of Jasper. So true.

    I love Alice. But seriously. She looks like a crazy art student in that smock. I think paint splatters would make the outfit better.

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  66. Oh and @ JennaVendetta - I just spit my tea all over my keyboard when I read "the only one sadder than me was my vagina." :-D Sorry I just have to make a call to IT now...

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  67. Ah! I meant BD consultant!
    See? I'm in such a tizzy over it all, I'm making critical errors!

    Don't worry Summit, it won't happen again after you hire me! (Not that you're in any position to judge me for making mistakes after WigGate, but whatever...)

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  68. Don't get me started!
    Don't EVEN get me started!
    It's just a travesty!
    The wigs.
    The make-up.
    The alien with allergies yellow-red-rimmed-eyes.
    Esme's ginormous forehead!

    There's just too much.

    And yes, the only awesome one is Rachelle with her super hot clothes and fire red hair!

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  69. Thank GOD I am not the only one going "WTF did you do to Jackson's hair???"

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  70. Kay, I'm a newbie here (been reading a long time, never posted) but this post was sofa king hysterical I almost fell off my computer chair from laughing.

    Seriously though, as a cancer/chemo patient, I have tons of great looking wigs that put theirs to shame. And I am on a budget! WTF is Summit's excuse!

    Maybe I should let them borrow some of mine for Breaking Dawn.

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