I often wonder if Robert Pattinson really does smell or if it's just some nasty rumor some average looking asshole started to try and get all the hoards of women to stop giving two shits about him. And it doesn't help matters that Rob himself has actually joked? about not washing his hair. And yes, I know this is old news and a lot of his female costars have come forward and claimed he smelled wonderful. Blah, blah, blah... but yes, I'm kinda dying to know what he does smell like.
This is going to sound weird and so 80's of me, but I had this boyfriend in high school who used to wear Old Spice. I know, I know, so old-man-ish, but there was something about that scent, that made me absolutely crazy to the point of needing to jump his bones immediately. (I'm so glad my dad never wore that shit because that probably really would have confused me and possibly resulted in a need for therapy.) I can't be held accountable for what I would do to RPattz, should he smell like this.
Since I'm never happy with secondhand information, I think I'm going to have to gather my own proof. I'm not willing to take just anyone's word for it. I would like to set up my own meeting with Mr. Pattinson to find out exactly what he smells like [JJ's note - if he sees you coming he's just going to smell like fear]. And this isn't a project that I'll be taking lightly. There has been far too much speculation regarding the eau de RPattz so I feel like it's my civic duty to put the rumors to rest.
This is going to be a tricky mission. Especially with the recent discovery that there may or may not be a restraining order against me after my last interview with Robert. I must be very sensitive to his feelings and try not to dry hump his leg every time he turns his back on me. I'm hoping that if I just sign something resigning myself to being handcuffed while in his presence (oooh, Robbie, me likey the cuffs), he will let me conduct my study.
I'm going to need to spend at least two weeks with him to gather the necessary research to correctly report on his scent. I will need to be with him at all times... including in the shower to see if he really washes his hair complete with shampoo, or if he maybe wears a shower cap to maintain that unkempt, dirty, just-fucked look. I will need to be with him when he dresses to find out his deodorant situation, and to make sure he's at least wearing clean underwear.
For me there's just nothing worse than the smell of b.o. and dirty hair so I asked myself, self, would that be a deal killer for you? Would I cut all ties with the Robsessed world and the Twidom if I found him to smell less than acceptable for my olfactory senses?
Ahhhh, fuck no! Hey, my dog smells. I mean he smells really bad. All the time. I can give him a bath and like three hours later he smells again. That's just his breed - he's a hound and those damn hounds, while incredibly handsome, smell like ass all. the. time! And does that make me love my dog any less? Nope. And like anything, you get used to the smell to a point where you don't smell it anymore. I know there have been times when my mom has come to visit and will comment on how bad the dog smells. I don't smell it. Oh well... Should Rob be stinky, I'd be willing to get acclimated... That's right - I would do that. For him.
So I'm thinking this is good news. Even if RPattz is the stinkiest dude on earth, I know that at some point, I would get used to it. I wonder if that's why KStew always has a look on her face like she's just smelled something really bad. Even she can't stand to be with him. She probably doesn't have a dog that has honed her ability to smell bad things and not die from it.
And Rob? Please stop with all the joking about your dirty hair and lack of showering... the whole cutting the hair because of a 'nit infestation'. Totally freaked me out. Plus dirty nits couldn't survive in hair so pretty. Only butterflies and unicorns can live there.