But once again I'm faced with the monumental task of going to Mr. Latchkey Wife with yet another Twilight-related getaway. I mean, he was really cool about Forks and all but how much do I really want to test his patience? I've actually thought about reviving the plan I had last summer when I was obsessed with getting to NYC to set stalk the preh-tay... The general gist was to tell my husband I had some errands to run and come home three days later. Ooopsy.
I'm sure it's all this hand-wringing and plan formulating that led me to have a really fucking strange dream last night. Unfortunately, this dream did not feature a visit from RPattz. Lucky me, the stars of last night's dream were none other than Jenny Jerkface and Snarkier Than You! Wha... wha... what? It was weird... mostly weird because despite being in touch with them about a gazillion times a day, we've never actually met in person!
From what I can remember, I showed up in New Jersey unannounced, landing at the front door of STY's place. Thankfully she was happy to see me! She immediately whisked me away to the local bar [shocker!] where JJ was holding court [wow - another shocker!]. So STY was all like "JJ, look who's here!!" And Jenny looked at me like she had no. fucking. idea. who. the fuck. I was. [I'll have to forgive her because I'm sure she was plastered and probably saw three of me.] When she finally realized it was me, she gave me a sloppy, drunken hug and invited me to join her gathering of misfits.What does it all mean? I think someone is trying to tell me something... like if I go to NYC for Eclipse, I may get murdered in New Jersey before I even make it to the movie. And where the hell did STY go? She just left me with JJ, with absolutely no regard for my safety!
I ended up sitting next to this older woman [Mommy not a Jerkface perhaps] who was not very nice to me at all. As a matter of fact, the bitch was so mean, she broke a beer bottle on the edge of the table and sliced my arm open. [Maybe now I know where JJ gets her grit!] Here I am bleeding all over the place... I guess that's when JJ decided it was time to go. Do we go to the emergency room? Ah, no... we end up back at JJ's place which wasn't her new house, but an old, run down, attic apartment that actually has a fucking stage in one of the rooms [totally random].
When we show up, ML is running around with a band mate trying to gather shit to leave. And I'm still bleeding like a fucking stuck pig but no one seemed to give a shit. Then JJ just leaves. She abandons me in the apartment, letting me bleed to death while she's gone back out to finish her afternoon of drinking. And someone pounds on the door, but instead of a peep hole, there's just a section of the door missing and I look out and it's the crazy bitch from the bar still after me with her broken beer bottle weapon.
Next thing I know, I'm wandering around some sort of generic downtown area looking for Jenny. I can't find her, but I did take a picture of the area and texted it to my husband to show him I arrived safe and sound. The end.
Note from STY: Uh, JJ, I think maybe we went a liiiiiitle too far when we regaled LKW with all those cheery stories about Newark and the surrounding area!