Kicking it off this round, we have some hijinks cooked up by Cullenary Curser...
Take it away, CC!
Alrighty - since you're mimicking MrsP [duly noted & shout-out to MrsP!!] I thought I'd mimic the question that I asked Mrs P (of course making a few changes to account for the triumvirate of twitardedness).
Okay here's my question: All three of you are on a boat in the tropics with every male cast member of Twilight. JJ was at the helm drunk and has steered you into a coral reef (in her defense she couldn't see over the wheel). The party boat is now sinking. Fast. There's an island just off in the distance.
Natch, there's only one life boat. The guys have all decided that all three of you MUST get in the boat and there's only room for one more!
Each of them is carrying an item or two that will be essential for living on the deserted island. They won't swap items because they're acting all macho and think that they've got the best item.JJ and LKW got in the boat at the first sign of trouble and are now drunkenly arguing over who's the biggest whore. They brought nothing with them.So STY, it's up to you.
- Justin Chon is carrying a water purification kit and food.
- Peter is carrying signal flares and matches.
- Kellan has the oars for the boat and a GPS.
- Jackson has a tarp, duct tape, some fire starters and some string.
- Billy has a gun (c'mon it's Chief Swan).
- Taylor has rum.
- Rob is being a complete prissy. He's freaking out and muttering something about "humidity and not being able to wear his beanie stuck on a fucking island" He's refusing to carry anything other than his hair products.You can't swim cause of sharks, and there isn't time to make a raft. You can't push JJ or LKW out of the boat or shoot them with Billy's gun to make more room . You'll likely be stuck there for weeks. And if you can get JJ and LKW to stop arguing you can consult them.
Wow! Well,there's no reasoning with a drunken, bickery JJ & LKW, so let's just let them have at it and I'll put on Rob's "thinking beanie" [he wasn't wearing it on Ellen when he said he couldn't think properly, now was he? I rest my case] for a spell to mull it over. Quickly...
The obvious thing here is that RPatts is getting in that damn boat. The tricky part is how we'll survive longer than ten hours after reaching that fateful - but let's face it, no-brainer - conclusion. Sorry, all you other dudes and your very sensible and infinitely more useful belongings, I gotta save the precious. I just do. Jackson, you were a clooooose second place. You're a wiry, strong-looking lil' guy - I say start swimming! And snatch that rum from Taylor before you hit the water...
For starters, I reckon we'll all have to take our clothes off so that we can craft a sail to get to the island (use your imagination as far as the rudder goes...).
Then I guess we'll have to hope that Rob's deluxe hair products are organic and edible enough to sustain us until we can hunt, pick, or fish something a little more appetizing up... Maybe something with a little almond or honey wouldn't be asking too much? No? Well, we could all stand to drop a few pounds anyway, seeing as how we're all running around in our birthday suits on the island.
LKW is pretty handy so maybe she can put together a little bungalow in the trees for us to live in [JJ's Note - Hey! What the fuck? I'm handy too, asshole. Somehow]. We'll spend our days trying to concoct some sort of fermented beverage and our nights dismantling the huge "S.O.S.!!!" signs that somehow keep appearing on the beach while RPatts is off foraging for dinner for the four of us.
My question for you is...how on earth did you get your husband/boyfriends to agree to let you go to Forks? I think if I even mentioned a trip to Forks my husband would have me committed. I can't even mention Twilight without getting a look and an eyeroll. So please tell me how you convinced them.
I'm gonna let Latchkey Wife field this one, since Jenny Jerkface had it reasonably easy [JJ's Note - Two words - Band Tour] and while I was initially hesitant to broach the topic with Mr. Snarky, all was well once I brought myself to blurt the whole plan out at some random moment.
Bring it on, LKW!
I was absolutely, positively petrified to bring the Forks trip up to my husband for a loooong time. He really knows very little about my Twi-obsession. And he knows nothing of my blogging habit (which is becoming a more difficult secret to keep now that he's back to working days.) So I just told myself, "self, this is the weekend you will tell Mr. Latchkey that you want to go to Forks." I talked it over with friends to get the encouragement I needed and then, finally, Sunday morning I told him I had something to talk to him about... He kind of gave me a weird look and I asked him not to make any snap judgments but to hear me out.
I then proceeded to tell him that although he knew I was a fan of Twilight, he didn't really know to what extent... I told him I spend a lot of time doing Twilight-y things (leaving out the actual blog writing part) and that I've made a lot of friends through it. And I had mentioned JJ and STY in conversation before so they weren't complete strangers to him. I simply told him that they had planned a trip to Forks WA which is where the Twilight books take place and I really wanted to join them. I told him there would be a large group of us, the airfare was cheap, the motel was cheap, and it was a beautiful area that I was dying to visit. And then I sat there, wringing my hands, anxiously waiting for his reply.
To my surprise, he said he thought it didn't sound like a bad idea and as long as I was certain there were no psychos going, he was totally ok with it. I nearly shit myself. I immediately booked my plane ticket before he had a chance to rethink it. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the fucking KING of eye rolling whenever Twilight is mentioned, but he really came through for me with Forks. And I didn't even need to perform dirty sexual favors.
Buuuut she did anyway 'cause that's how she rolls and seriously it couldn't have hurt to seal the deal with something that shouts "No give backs!" - like, saaaaay a pancake breakfast. With extra bacon! That Mr. LKW gets to eat while she is... "otherwise engaged"???
Lastly but certainly not least, we have a very... ah... "pressing" question from Camila:
Hi girls! I know the three of you are happily married and I also know that the three of you have the hots for RPattz! Soooooo... My question is... If you had the chance to get down and dirty (yall know what I mean) with Rob, would you REALLY go for it? Annnd... Would you tell your S.O.? If your answer is HELL NO! What if they found out? Have you already had that talk with them? Is there any pact that allows sex with Rob? Huahahaha!
Hmmmm.... I really had to think about this one... for about 7 seconds. You'll probably ALL think I'm a huge fucking slutty, cheaty whore for saying this, but I don't think I would be able to turn down that chance. Bad, bad, BAD Latchkey Wife... I know. But for fuck's sake, he IS on my Five Famous Fucks list and as far as I'm concerned, that trumps marriage vows. (Sorry honey.) I can say this because I am absolutely, positively sure I will never be in the position to have to make this choice. But Rob, if you're reading this... *whispers* Call me! Oh and no, if it did happen, I'd be taking this secret to the grave. If he did happen to find out... I guess I'll just have to whip out my List and use that as my defense. Or I'd hunt down someone on his list and serve her up on a silver pillow!
Yes, LKW, I think you're a gigantic slut. If sluttiness was a vagina, yours would be the size of the Holland Tunnel.
ML and I have this whole "one freebie" thing going where we're not held accountable for taking advantage of an opportunity to horizontal mambo with someone who is WAAAAAAAY out of our league, mainly because I have a better chance of getting abducted by aliens than I do of having RPattz be remotely interested in me, much less want to munch my box or something.
That being said, yes, I'd totally do him if RPattz was down to, well, get down and it would be totally cool with ML because we've already hypothetically discussed this shit...
Oh, wait. I forgot about that one, pesky little word. Hypothetical. You see, I suck at lying so I wouldn't even bother and if I really not-so-hypothetically humped RPattz, ML might not-so-hypothetically fucking enlist LKW's help of disposing my body. Which she'd probably do, the bitch.
Aaaand my two cents!!
OK, I have to admit that I have been faced with this situation. Er, so I may have been asleep and dreaming at the time - big deal! Aaaaand while I spew on and on about how I would have my way with him (and then some) if given the chance, I have to say (boring and disappointing as it may be) that I could never go there. As JJ noted, the fact that there is no way in hell this scenario would ever be a possibility even if I was actively pursuing it aside, this couldn't happen. Don't get me wrong: I am not made of stone and I would TOTALLY be tempted, but despite what the
Someone please remind me of this when he comes and knocks on our hotel motel room door in Forks. Because I totally know that he reads this blog every day and can't WAIT to come hang with all of us twat waffles while we're in a drunken girly stupor at the Twilight Lounge. Maybe I will get to test my resolve. You know, to prove I can do it... Er, or whatevs...
So what would you do if YOU were on the ill-fated party boat or if a horny RPatts came knocking on YOUR door, hmmmmmmm??? Spill it in the comments!