Saturday, June 26, 2010

Culling the Eclipe Premiere Pics: Tough Work But Somebody's Gotta Do It.

So I have spent the last hour or so going through hundreds of pics from the Eclipse premiere over at Robsessed [holy crap i just actually wrote "BOBsessed" by accident - not sure why but that is SLAYING me! good thing he's a "Rob" and not a "Bob" - not that there's anything wrong with the name "Bob" but still...]. It was exhausting! Scroll, scroll, scroll, lick, lick, click, drool, slobber, clean computer monitor, repeat - over and over and OVER again - all for you! OK and maybe a little bit for me because while we would have loved to have some of these pics up sooner, all three of us were busting our asses at our respective offices today trying to get ready for our sure-to-be-epic get-together for our Eclipse premiere event next Tuesday (can I get a "SQUEEEEEE!!!!!"?!?). Much more on this Twitarded summit to come!

But first things first. I wanted - nay, NEEDED - to have as many of these awesome pics of RPatts and that chick and that other dude here as possible. Needed like a fat kid needs cake, like a junkie needs a fix, like a horny Twitard needs fanfic. It HAD to be done. I'd offer up some lame half-hearted-and-entirely-insincere apology for posting stuff that you've probably already seen and had your way with late last night or earlier today, but if you are anything like me (and I think you miiiiiight be), you are not tired of all this just yet. It's like we've been out in the Sahara Desert and someone just popped open a case of cold Smart Water and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the freezer: refreshing and delicious and makes you a little woozy. And moist.

Alrighty then. Let's get down to it!

I'm gonna start off with some "holy shit I just jizzed in my pants when you looked at me like that" shots. That's right - female ejaculate. Look it up.

And btw please DO clicky to enlarge everything. You can count hair follicles and whiskers and nose hair and look at close-ups of eeeeeeverything. Not that I have been staring for the last three hours. Nope not me. Uh-uh. [*whistles*]

I just ovulated. Or something lower. Possibly both...

Hey STY I saw you ovulating...and other things... niiiice.

I love this pic extra hard because when you enlarge it you can read the signs the fans are holding in the background - one says "Rob I'm legal now - take me home with you!" and another says "I'll help you pitch your tent!" - and people say Twitarded is sassy!

OK yup we are sassy 'cause I got all kinds of stuff in my head when he sticks out his tongue like that. There should be no wasted effort in that action. I just want to help him.

You HAVE to enlarge this one. He wants to eat you up! This look kills me. THUD *Deads*

Yup I killed Snarkier Than You DEADS. And she liked it. You wanna piece of me?

OK you asked for it...


Packin' heat! Hangin' right! Armed with his own Sharpie!
(Well-prepared or OCD? Both? Boy after my own heart on all counts - just sayin'!)

AGAIN with the tongue??? *thud*

Leave her. I have more fans to slay.

Aaaaand now we're going to segue into some Adork-a-Patts... Because really, if he was just another pretty face and not a total dorkwad too, would he be as appealing??? OK maybe, but don't knock adorkaliciousness. I'm not looking to post every awkward shot here - holy shit can you imagine if someone had a camera trained on YOU all night and captured every single facial expression you made? I'd off myself if anyone cared to look at that nonsense! - but I think that the fact that he's such a goofball really makes him that much more charming. And by "charming" I mean"fuckable."

Dork-a-Rob-Finger-Porn mash-up - SQUEEEE!!!

What? Who, ME so sexy??? Pshaw!

Well shucks... I guess... Dorka-dorka-dorka...
[Lurv you dorka-Rob!]

And then this last section is dedicated to Latchkey Wife, who made the mistake of sending me an email earlier that vaguely questioned whether RPatts (or RPattz, as she would say) was truly slipping KStew "the hot beef injection." I guess I don't have to worry about cleaning up my house before she shows up pn my doorstep some time Monday afternoon, since obviously she's totally fucking BLIND. Hell even a blind person would not be oblivious to the fact that there's some serious snoggin' & shaggin' going on here! You can practically taste the pheromones! And suddenly their guide dog would be humping legs everywhere. Don't blame Sparky - no creature is immune to this...

Ok they look like some normal-ish not-so-uber-famous-and-hawt young couple here for some reason... Weird camera angle or something... But wait! There's more!

Oh yeahhhh... This is more like it!

Oh yeah my shoes are pretty but kiiiiling me so I am just going to hold myself up by clutching your jacket like my life depends on it. You're ok with that right bb??
[note: Mr. Snarky loooves me a lot but even he won't let me prop myself up by clutching the back his clothing.]

Oh Kristen I adore you and I have never looked at you in this way before...

...or have I???

Yes I am wrapped around your little red-lacquered fingers...

Er, Kristen, how come you never look at me like this anymore??? Never mind...

Quality time with Taylor "Third Wheel" Lautner
Hmmm... Why does THIS look familiar???

Oh yeahhhh! That's right! Been there... Sorry bb...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: as soon as we ditch Teen Wolf, I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your furry white dress off...

Er yeah sorry mate - you weren't meant to hear that... My bad.

Uh I said I'm sorry, junior - aaaaawkward!

To say nothing of the fact that LKW clearly missed ALL the after-party pics, because anyone who sees these and still has .00001% of doubt regarding the existence of Robsten is... Well, see my earlier "you're b-l-i-n-d!!!" comments. Honestly I was pleasantly surprised to see all these pics of Rob & Kristen obviously not worried about being together and not avoiding each other like the plague to avoid the media scrutiny. Take THAT tabloids! Here's to Kristen and Rob sucking all the life out of all of your theorizing! Oh wait, you already have them living together, pregnant, married, and divorced already. Never mind.

These picture make me jealous. There I admitted it. They also make me feel like I am intruding on some private moments of a couple that is totally in luuuurv (ah, young luuuurv...). {{{sigh}}}

If you two fuck this up and have some terrible breakup between now and when you finish filming Breaking Dawn, there's gonna be hell to pay. I hate it when Sister Snarky is right. It's only seven months, you two - I think you can keep it together for that long, right? Right???

KStew sez: Iz mine. Aaaand hello hanging left. [what were you two up to when you went back to the hotel so Kristen could "slip into something more comfortable"?]

er, yeah, maybe Rob should have shed the fancy clothes too...

Yup, that's pretty much how I figured those fingers would go near-boobage.

Jealous much?

So what did you make of the whole LA premiere extravaganza??? Are your undergarments scorched or is all the Robsten harshing your buzz??? And who is our resident FaceInHole expert? Get to work, you! Wipe off the drool and babble on in the comments! We'll be checking in all weekend so let 'er rip!

52 comments:

  1. OMG!! I cant wait til I get to see Eclipse!=)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great post, excellent captions and a great recap ala Snarky. Love it!

    I watched with 17foreverlisa and SoTwiredJen on Gmail Chat. It was fun. They were hilarious with all their Robsten comments. I am a Team Everyone and am not invested in the whole Robsten situation as in it is fine if they are or are not together to me.

    Anyway, I thought they all looked great and it was lots of fun. I am glad there was lots of coverage and even more glad that Twilove01 Sue was there and hopefully we will get some scoop soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @myg can be his handler, I want him to handle me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you thank you thank you for those pictures and the ability to zoom! I literally had to put my head down on my desk and take a deep breath when those enlarged shots of his tongue came up. Then it took me awhile to look straight at them without hyperventilating. He is proof that there is a God, who else could make such perfection. Oh and how I wish I was KStew, oh I wish I wish I wish!!!! Okay I am going to retire to my bunk now to um, ya know....
    Thank you once again!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm "I don't give a Krapsten" - lol! I just think it's fun to comment on!

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hilarious comments, excellent captions, but who the F. dressed him in that god-awful color? I want him undressed faster than I can say *STY, rip him out of that purple suit NOW!* Even Barney couldn't make that color look good.

    Maybe it's my monitor...

    just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  7. @STY: I officially love you. Even if you don't give a Krapsten. The fact that you added that part to the post made my night...and it was so well put. You would seriously have to be blind. I mean, don't we all recollect the hand holding pic from Paris...

    As Lisa says...ROBSTEN LIVES!!!

    xo J

    ReplyDelete
  8. PS LKW: They are f*cking light dirty little rabbits. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Check falling in love for the last time in YouTube. A song written by Rob and sang by his sister Lizzie's friend, Lee Mac Dougal. Lyrics says it all , he's smitten since 2008.
    It goes like this ...
    If you're sitting comfortably then let me begin, i like to tell you a story of the mess that I am in and it all starts with a girl, and she's breaking up my world.
    She's got this big green eyes and they're as wide as the moon and they can take you to bed without leaving the room, I will kill just to be her man , she's too cool to give a damn
    I am falling in love for the last time, I am falling in love forever and ever, I am falling inlove with a girl that aint
    mine, I am falling in love for the last time

    He has the girl now...... :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Looking at the Robporn and watching Channing Tatum on TV.

    Can I just say panty change STAT?!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you so much for this post. Loved it. Especially being a Robsten fan. And I agree...it does feel like we are butting in on their private moments....but damnit, awwww. *sniff*

    I watched all 3 hours of the live footage on every website available and loved every moment!

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG I love "I'll help you pitch your tent"... wouldn't we all love to help Rob in that way.

    I guess I will just have to agree that they are indeed doing the dirty (well thanks to ff thats the only way I can think of Rob performing)... where's faceinhole for that? Take that which ever way you'd like ;)

    I think my mind has taken a permanent vacation to the gutter.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have to say that I was super impressed by the fact that all of his clothing was stain-free, and there wasn't a wrinkle in sight. Good job Rob's stylist! We know it was all the stylist, because it doesn't appear to be borrowed from a friend or to have ever spent time in a heap under his bed buried under beer cans and takeout containers.
    I actually really loved him in this suit, it's so well tailored and it's kind of quirky and vintage looking, I think it works on him.

    ReplyDelete
  15. When I first saw the Ron Burgandy suit (thank you Moi for that visual) I was a little taken aback I must admit. But as I viewed more photos and footabe I must admit it grew on me and that grew into...dagnabbit Rob you go you! That suit fits him like a glove...ahem. I love the retro look and it is soooooo like him to say fuck it! and wear something daring. Also his suit matched Steph's dress...was that planned? Clearly they were not made by the same designer.

    Oh and those photos of Rob and Kristen...yep slam dunk...no doubts whatsoever now. OK off to bed for me.

    Great post STY. Thanks for rummaging through all the photos. I still haven't even watched Kimmel yet. Gah!

    ReplyDelete
  16. THANK YOU!!! I missed all this and needed a recap.

    Great post! It's nice to have you posting more often again STY!

    Rob WORKED that fucking suit! And the Robsten stuff is SO cute! I was always - leave them the hell alone Sten - but now it's good to see them more comfortable about it all. :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks STY, what an excellent way to start my day. Fuckhawt RPattz pictures AND fucking hilarious captions - PERFECT!

    I pretty much spewed tea all over the computer @ "I've said it before and I'll say it again: as soon as we ditch Teen Wolf, I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your furry white dress off..." ROFLMAO!!!!

    I am glad that my ridiculously jealous self is in such good company!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey! Maybe I was just not wanting to BELIEVE they were fucking because I'm still living in a fantasy world where he wants to boff my brains out, not hers (and I think in that fantasy world, I must not have a husband LOL!) After those photos, I am fucking sold... And I DID see the after party pics, pttthhhhh (or how every you spell sticking my tongue out and blowing a raspberry!)

    I love her for changing clothes, she's obviously waaaaay more comfy in the jeans and shit. I wish Rob had done the same... Who goes back to the hotel for a quickie, ripping-the-clothes-off-through-the-door-and-fucking-up-against-the-wall-because-they-physically-couldn't-even-make-it-to-the-bed romp, and redresses in his fancy red suit for the after party? Hello? KStew? It's your job to get that boy into some jeans and that fucking white v-neck t-shirt so I may drool extra hard.

    GAWD those pictures are so fucking hot! Jeezus Mother Fucking Hamster Fucker, they are HOT! (Thanks Myg... tee hee!)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thanks for posting all the hot pictures STY! The one with the signs in the background was classic.

    I have to agree that I wasn't a major fan of the suit. Maybe it was the color? I'd still do him though. Just sayin...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you STY! I have been trying to process the pics, the hawtness, the Robsten Love, the suit, yadda yadda yadda. And you nailed it! My first thought when I saw all the pics of Robsten was, "Look how close his hand is to her boob!". So in every pic, that's all I looked for! LOL Like Kassie, my mind has also taken a permanent vacation in the gutter! Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thanks for culling through the pix for us - they are primo! Glad to see Robsten looking more comfortable in front of the lens and loved the maroon suit. Very sleek style on him. He rocks it. and, yeah, agree with LKW about the tshirt/jeans. Would have been nice to see them on him. What that man does for a white fucking tshirt is triple-fuck XXXrated.

    Bess
    Magnolia, MA

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yep, I don't give a Krapsten (mostly be/c I am happily married and know that there is 99.9% chance Rob and I will NEVER meet).

    @STY sooooo funny you posted this be/c I was telling my fellow ATL twitard that she had to hop over to Robsessed and check out the after party pix be/c that 100% answered the whole dating question.

    I am happy someone is hittin' that! I mean, someone should....it is just too good to go to waste.

    ReplyDelete
  23. It's Wide Awake Bella & her narly Hoodie!
    Red suit Meh. Grabbing the jacket to stand up straight - i bet she grabs the hair like that when . . . yeah. Love that she's like fuck that puffy lil white dress, i'm puttin on the jeans & the hoodie bitchez! You changin outa that weird red suit babe? NO? whatever - i'll fuck you til you cry later anyway. Yeah . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  24. I loved all the Robsten pics. I watched the whole black carpet thing online and loved every minute. Rob was so adorkable and then once he and Kristen posed together I was done. I'm so glad they finally started taking pics together, and those after party pics kill me. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  25. OMG I LOVE this post!!! LMAO. I hadn't actually seen all the single Robs which you displayed. :D So thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks. LOVIN your comments under your pics too - crack me up.

    OMFG HE IS TOOO DIVINE FOR HIS - AND MY!!! - OWN GOOD. I just, I - unfth!!! already. I really shouldn't have enlarged so many of them ... can barely keep my eyeballs in now. And the panting is getting stupid.

    I love the friendship/relationship these guys have. They just look so good together. I'm sure they'll keep it up - er, so to speak - and not ruin our Twibesottedness.

    LMAO Latchkey Wife - the hotel room scene you described, while demanding the Stew gets him in more comfy clothes so the drool-fest can continue is very spot-on. :D

    "Fuck you till you cry" OMG, lol. Ummm ... ok some serious images happening right now

    ReplyDelete
  26. I have been drooling for hours over all the luscious pics and vids! But it's not a complete event until we get your final assessment!

    HELLO...did you guys see the interview where he stated we all needed to sleep with him?!! Um..OK, no arguments here, but maybe this wasn't the best place to offer that invitation! LMAO!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlI6xxu3rF0&feature=player_embedded

    ReplyDelete
  27. For an excellent take on why the trinity were dressed in the colors they wore for the premiere, you can check out this blog:

    http://tonguetwied.blogspot.com/2010/06/dressing-etiquette-101-color.html

    She has an amazing take on it all.

    ReplyDelete
  28. These pictures are amongst the best that i have seen anywhere!!!
    Thank you for all of the effort that you put into updating this site... i love all of your comments and blogging!!!!
    Keep up the good work... we can never ever get enough Rob!!!! and I will admit... RobSten because they are indeed a beautiful couple.
    The way he looks at her is such a panty disintegrator!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Love your blog! I am in love with the books! And I guess everything else as well... like what Rpatz has hanging to the right??? Wow! Never noticed that before! Although the 3rd pic up from the bottom looks like he has something up his butt... I'm just saying. Kristen might not really want to be drinking out of that water bottle!
    Have a great day!
    Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  30. @Toefunny - Oooh, thanks for sharing that video. I had not seen it. I'll volunteer to sleep with him for sure. LOL! And probably everyone hear at Twitarded will too!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Well, I was a puddle of lust reading this post anyway, but by the time I got to the one with Rob's under-boob-grab on KStew....

    I 'sploded.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I love the picture where poor kstew is clutching onto his suit jacket for dear life. I hear ya, sister. Heels are a bitch.

    I'm pretty much "don't give a crapsten", mainly because, well, I just can't muster the energy to care that they're fucking but... I have to admit -- they look really sweet together.

    Fucking jerks.

    ReplyDelete
  33. *smirks* I love it when Robsten is talked about on non R/K sites almost everyone feels the need to clarify their allegiances in the comments.

    Great post! I heat the Rob Burgundy suit sfm.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Actually, that was supposed to say I HEART the Rob Burgundy suit SFM. That could have been bad.

    ReplyDelete
  35. lol - he does look like someone just poked him in the butt in that almost-last after-party pic!

    and i thought the suit worked for him. uh, i guess ANYTHING could work for him, but sheesh - all these skinny suits? loooving them! the color was fine - he rocked it. he looked better in that color than Stephenie Meyer looked in her purple dress. i told myself i wasn't going to say anything but jfc who picked that awful fucking knitwear monstrosity she was wearing??? it looks like she stole the upholstery off an ugly sofa, fashioned a neck hole and some poofy sleeves (always a good look for a big girl), and then threw on some mismatched accessories for good measure. ugh. bad, bad, bad.

    rant over. sorry SM. it had to be said. you're worked some nice black frocks in the past and, well, you could have done better.

    nice to hear from everyone!!! i've been so busy and holy shit i have missed you guys!

    nice to see some new names and avis too!

    ok i gotta go get my hairs did (the ones on my head not down there) - gotta pretty myself up to meet LKW on monday (and maybe some of you Tuesday night!).

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  36. Ok, I had to printscreen and upload this fucker. I didn't think anyone would believe me. SO yeah...this is vw FTW. I just got through scrolling and plotting things I want to do to that man, and this shows up.

    vw: molest.

    I can't think of a sentence. Help a sista out.

    ReplyDelete
  37. "I've said it before and I'll say it again: as soon as we ditch Teen Wolf, I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your furry white dress off..."

    LOL you rock. First time read. You've got yourself a new subber. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Congratulations @SnarkierThanYou, only a true Twitard would notice that he was hangin' right to start with, then hangin left after she got changed, which tells me only one thing: Those suit pants came off! AND the smirk on their faces in the last pic! LUCKY BITCH!!

    ReplyDelete
  39. I'm totally in tears over your captions! And I swear you got the best Rob pictures...

    God June 30th can't get here fast enough!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Excellent post and funny as hell captions! Last pic "Jealous much?" Why yes, yes I am!!

    ReplyDelete
  41. I love "classic" Twitarded posts!

    As for Robsten, it TOTALLY harshes my buzz :-( But i have a theory. I think HE is totally smitten with her, but she likes to play him and sometimes she is nice to him and sometimes she bitches out on him - hence he follows her around like a puppy. Note how many pics of him gazing at her like a love struck boy but she pretty much never looks at him like that. Just sayin'

    Ya ya ya, i'm totally jeaous- suck it. I'll take Jackson if he's down! He's just as adorable but sadly kinda an arrogant ass..... :-/

    ReplyDelete
  42. This has got to be one of my all time fave Twitarded posts. STY, you hit the nail on the head with the commentary! Laughed out loud at the whole hanging-left, hanging-right thing - shit you have an eye for detail, girl!

    I have right-click/saved so many of these pic, my 'Rob' folder has taken on a new lease of life. As for Robsten, good on them. At least someone's taking advantage of the precious, and we see them in public often enough that we get pics like these with the 'guess what I'm going to do to you when we get home' eyes.

    Ladies of the castle, one request - can we please have a similar post with all the Jackson, Kellan and PFach action? Don't worry about teenwolf, but the other boys of the saga deserve their day in the sun.

    Right, back to the oggling... over and out

    ReplyDelete
  43. I wasn't even paying attention to the righty tighty, lefty loosy thing! Holy hell! Freakin' hilarious! I just got a whole new lease on the love for Saga...
    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  44. i died laughing at the commentary! Nice ladies...nice! idk if i believe they are together...but the way he looks at her and she him. you can see the adoration..but whatev *shoos hands*. Her Taste(if she picked out her dress) *kisses finger tips* impeccable. ive always loved her style and ill continue to say it.

    ReplyDelete
  45. i died laughing at the commentary! Nice ladies...nice! idk if i believe they are together...but the way he looks at her and she him. you can see the adoration..but whatev *shoos hands*. Her Taste(if she picked out her dress) *kisses finger tips* impeccable. ive always loved her style and ill continue to say it.

    ReplyDelete
  46. lol - he does look like someone just poked him in the butt in that almost-last after-party pic!

    and i thought the suit worked for him. uh, i guess ANYTHING could work for him, but sheesh - all these skinny suits? loooving them! the color was fine - he rocked it. he looked better in that color than Stephenie Meyer looked in her purple dress. i told myself i wasn't going to say anything but jfc who picked that awful fucking knitwear monstrosity she was wearing??? it looks like she stole the upholstery off an ugly sofa, fashioned a neck hole and some poofy sleeves (always a good look for a big girl), and then threw on some mismatched accessories for good measure. ugh. bad, bad, bad.

    rant over. sorry SM. it had to be said. you're worked some nice black frocks in the past and, well, you could have done better.

    nice to hear from everyone!!! i've been so busy and holy shit i have missed you guys!

    nice to see some new names and avis too!

    ok i gotta go get my hairs did (the ones on my head not down there) - gotta pretty myself up to meet LKW on monday (and maybe some of you Tuesday night!).

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  47. I'm totally in tears over your captions! And I swear you got the best Rob pictures...

    God June 30th can't get here fast enough!!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Well, I was a puddle of lust reading this post anyway, but by the time I got to the one with Rob's under-boob-grab on KStew....

    I 'sploded.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Thanks for culling through the pix for us - they are primo! Glad to see Robsten looking more comfortable in front of the lens and loved the maroon suit. Very sleek style on him. He rocks it. and, yeah, agree with LKW about the tshirt/jeans. Would have been nice to see them on him. What that man does for a white fucking tshirt is triple-fuck XXXrated.

    Bess
    Magnolia, MA

    ReplyDelete
  50. PS LKW: They are f*cking light dirty little rabbits. ;)

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!