Tuesday, June 8, 2010

De-Twilight and De-Pattinson My Computer?! NOOOOOO!!!

So I was listening to BBC America on the radio the other morning and much to my surprise, instead of the usual patter of "More fucked up shit going on around the world that you didn't know about coming right up - please do stay tuned...", they started talking about...Justin Bieber. I figured the apocalypse was upon us - but what was I gonna do? - so I kept listening as the guy who had been reporting hard news from a desolate, dangerous road in the middle of West Bumfuckistan a mere three days earlier started talking about...Justin Bieber.

JJ wanted a picture of "the Biebs" in here.
I went with "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" instead.
(You can thank me later.)

Apparently, some dude has created a software program that will remove all mentions, photos, poetry, and other assorted Justin-Bieber-related inanity from your computer. I don't think they mentioned in the BBC story that the program is called "Shaved Bieber," but they did interview a charming 11-year-old girl in London who was simply HORRIFIED by the fact that someone would want to do such a thing. As I cackled and imagined parents everywhere tormenting their children with the threat of using this program, it hit me: holy crap - what if someone de-Pattinsoned and de-Twilighted MY computer?!? What if it was as if Robward had never existed?! What if every mention, every blog, every sordid email, every photo, and every video related to RPatts and Twilight suddenly went "POOF!!!" and was banished to the black hole where deleted content goes and can only be retrieved by the feds if you do something terribly, terribly wrong???

Well, for one thing, I'd probably free up a few gigs on the ol' hard drive... But that's beside the point! I would be crushed! Like most (if not all) of you, I am the proud owner(-ish) of a LOT of Twilighty and Robert-Pattinson-related eye-candy and content.

If I can't have this on my computer, I don't want one anymore.
[clicky to enlarge! Image from here - thanks for making my afternoon, VitaminR70!]

If it ever just disappeared or fell victim to some malicious anti-Patts virus masquerading as a parent-friendly-tween-rescuer, it would leave a huge, gaping hole in my heart. Er, "other places" would feel the pain as well... I think I would need to take a leave of absence from work (and everything else!) just to bring the stockpile back up to a level that would allow me to sleep easily at night.

What would you do if all things related to Twilight and The Precious suddenly vanished from your computer??? I think you would have to sedate me for at least a few days before I would be able to stop wailing and keening and set about getting to work on the ginormous task of re-Patts-ing things up in here... But I'd rebuild it - make it bigger... faster... stronger! OK I'm going to go back some stuff up on my external hard drive now... Just in case... You can't be too careful about stuff like this...

51 comments:

  1. I could handle all things Robert Pattinson being removed from my PC because that would take all of a nano-second. I think I have one or two GQ pics and some Norman Jean Roy pics of Rob somewhere in these files.

    I understand that he is most folks precious, but I fell off that wagon a long time ago.

    But if there was a program that removed my Twilight stuff I know I would go to into seizures. And it wouldn't be pretty. There is a bunch of Twilight stuff, links to ff, ff, music, audiobooks, web sites. It wouldn't be pretty. It wouldn't be pretty.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think I'd sob like a big ass baby. My Robporn folder is a very important part of my picture library! I'd probably repeatedly crash my browser on a mad dash to recollect what I lost.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think I speak for all of us when I say THANK YOU for giving us a pic of the Four Horseman instead of the Biebs. I don't think my eyes could have handled it.

    Now...the idea of De-Pattinizing my computer made my lady bits weep with sorrow. I will have you know that Mozy (an online back up service) backs my stash up EVERY DAMNED NIGHT. I can rest easy knowing that even if the 4 horseman of the Biebs visit my home, I can restore what is most precious to me!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think that photo made my entire existence! You are most welcome. I got from Anntastic on Twitter.

    Shaved Bieber for the win....but no one can touch my Robporn!!! What could that program be called Robbed Pattz.....nope I can't go there. It would be too sad to comprehend. I think I am going to go back up my computer too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My inner tween would freak the fuck out and then adult me would go kick someone's ass!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Gah. Why is he so Hawt?!
    Sorry, did you say something?

    Fkat

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hehe...Shaved Bieber. Best title EVER. I don't know what I would do if all of The Prehtay's shit was wiped from my lappy. But I would be okay with it, because I have it all on my desktop, too :) Always in twos, my loves. Always in twos. Oh! And let's not forget all mah h00rs over on FB. Unless we all get it at the same time (which can only mean one thing....apocalypse), there will be someone out there with all the pics I need to make my me time not-so-lonely.

    And thanks for the Four Horsemen pic. Obvs the guy on the chestnut horse hates the Beibs, too. He's screaming in pain. "WHY, GOD, WHY?"

    I'm dying all over the place with this new Rob pic. There is NOTHING about it that I wouldn't fuck. I'm thisclose to humping his leg. Woof.


    *************************************************
    Now when can we talk about Bree. Cuz I don't want to talk about it with anyone but my Twitards.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree with ApplesNFeathers...except I would skip the freaking out part and just go kick someone's ass.

    ReplyDelete
  9. OH MY GAWD, my heart sunk when I thought about that. I would be soo sad to lose all my twilight/rob stuff. I have 2 years worth of stuff on my comp between pics and sites. That's A LOT of stuff lol

    I would be scouring the internet for what I could and build it even better just to say HA try to get Twilight/Rob away from me, I'll show you lol.

    ReplyDelete
  10. But if they de-Pattinsoned my computer, I won't have anything on my computer. Possibly no reason left to live except for the Pattinson Glossy Paper Library and the Hall of Pattinson Poster and the Team Robert t-shirt collection and Rob Movie Gallery. Okay, I might be okay but I doubt it. I would prob have to do something real bad so the feds would find it. Then they could put me in a comfy cell where I could enjoy him all day long, right after I stab my cellmate for looking at my Robporn

    ReplyDelete
  11. OH THE HORROR! That would be sooo sad!! I start my morning with the Precious and a nice cup of joe! Thanks for this post! Made me smile!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. No No No 'De-Twilight, De-Pattinson' my computer? NOOOOO! Why oh why do you speak of such blasphemy, STY?!? Why?! lol
    I think I'd have a Twi-crazed melt down if I couldn't get to certain blogs (um hello Twitarded!) and read my ever lovin' fanfic.. yeah I'd go batshit.
    Fortunately if that unspeakable, apocalyptic act did happen, I'd be covered... I have all me Robporn and Twi shiz along with all mi musica on back up :) Gots to be safe!

    & LMFAO --'Shaved Bieber' ...Bahahaha I swear, for the longest time I srsly thought that kid's name was Justin Beaver, no lie. Oh & dunke, STY for NOT including a picture of the beaver. We can't have that kind of fright fest before we go to bed.

    Now about that Rob pic... Mmm thank you very much... lick and save.. lick and save.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The Four Horsemen? Really? You are diabolical STY. For real. I'm totally going to tape Bieber posters to your car tonight. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Omfg, my evil husband actually threatened me not two days ago that someday soon I would come home and all Rob related/ Twi-ish content would be gone from my computer. I gave him the death stare and responded...well then I suppose your ps 3 would get blanked then wouldnt it.......turnabouts fair play bitches...oh and that pic...like his thumb is just seconds away from getting licked ...oh to be that thumb, the places I would go.

    ReplyDelete
  15. @Jenny - you omitted that said posters will be coming from your personal collection. BTW, I saw that you got a Bieber tattoo and posted it on your other blog, called 'Beavers for Bieber'! JFTR, she wants to do more than duece up his trailer.

    :P

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think a little part of me might not mind because then I would HAVE to go back and look for it all over again and relive all the fun of the first time seeing the pictures and reading the stories :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. That picture makes me quiver and want to lick my monitor!

    Touch my Rob porn stash, never! I back that puppy up onto DvD!

    ReplyDelete
  18. If RPattz fell off my computer than I'll just have to kidnap him. That's logical, right?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Even more frightening: what if someone de-Twilight-ified the WORLD? What if SM had decided that swim lessons were more important than her dream? The Precious would only be known as That Kid in Harry Potter. Most of us would never have delved into fanfic. We would all be slugging along in our own little worlds, having boring sex lives, no blogs, and no FOOOOORKS! So, it's really not so ridiculous that SM makes my top five Things I Am Thankful For at Thanksgiving every year... along with Edward, Rob, Twilight, and fan fiction.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @My After Car Is An XKR - OMFG HOLD ME I'M SCARED!!! wow. really. {{{shudder}}}

    @Porphyrias_Curse - play hard if you must! do what you gotta do - lol!

    @JJ - ok going to go park my car around the corner now... you are pure evil tonight. i think i see you on one of those horses...

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh jezus you have made me nervous! I already fear my lap top will crash one day.

    In fact I just finally started organizing my pictures...from Twired to Kris, Rob, Robsten, others etc..

    And that pic is fuck hawt. 17foreverlisa emailed it to me this morning...I almost fell off my non-existent chair!

    xo J

    ReplyDelete
  22. I have 2,553 RP photos on my computer, plus a ton of fanfic archived and lots of bookmarks. Time to back up the computer, babies. All this being said, The Internets are a Wondrous Thing, and I am grateful that most of my RP Stuff can be re-found, in time.

    And WTF? Justin Bieber wasn't even on my radar until the Twitard blog about him this week, which prepared me for the MTV show. I mean, damn - this kid has just BARELY hit puberty. I remember being that age, and I wasn't hot for kids that were barely sporting secondary sexual characteristics.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm all for de-Biebing the planet. Let's face it, he's a CHILD with a dumb-ass haircut who looks like a pre-pubescent girl.

    But if someone (my husband) took my robporn from my computer, the only place I'm allowed to have it, I would string him up by his balls. As punishment I would tell him exactly how often I do naughty things while thinking of the precious.

    ReplyDelete
  24. All Twi gone of the computer. Do you know how long it would take to replace all my mini Edward photos?! I don't have enough vacation time left for that task.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Surprisingly, while I do have a Kellan folder, and a Rob folder, I don't really have that much stuff in either of those. I get my fix in groups on FB dedicated to each member of the Twilight cast. IDK, I guess I'm past that phase of cluttering my computer with all the beautiful images. So, really, I wouldn't lose much if my computer was De-Pattisonized. As long as someone doesn't De-Twilightize my brain, I think I'm all good. :D

    ReplyDelete
  26. OMG Twitards, I was just watching Glee (on Global TV in Victoria BC Canada - just above Forks & Fort Angeles and below where Twilight & New Moon were actually filmed...) and the new trailer for Eclipse came on.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFjpv9vSzb4

    You need to see this! And please, pause at second 16-18 and you'll see what I'm talking about. Why don't they just hire the 3 of yoot's on set to stop this kind of disaster from happening? My sister immediately screen-captured the shot of the Cullen action figures for her facebook profile, while I hopped online to let my twitard friends know...

    Seriously, please watch - you will howl with laughter.

    ReplyDelete
  27. The computer is shared w/ my husband and has no photos... However if ya took away my 'favorites' I'd be sad without ya'll! My husband wishes he could de-Twi my brain. Says he can't wait til' this movie releases and he can be done with it! I'm making him go on the 29th- & just found out I'll be at the LA screening on the 14th- w/ my sis- & husband is NOT happy... I however am in 'HEAVEN'!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I don't really have any pics of the precious on my computer (ok maybe some but nothing crazy) But if my Twilight fanfic disappeared I would freak the fuck out!!!!!!!! Or if I lost you lovely ladies! My days would be sad and horrible. I would be like Bella in New Moon...waking up screaming from a terrible dream where I didn't know how to properly use the word "twatwaffle"

    ReplyDelete
  29. and this is why I have a back up of my hard drive which I update regularly....and a collection of my favorite pics on my sony reader I can take to work or camping or family dinners.....

    ReplyDelete
  30. You can wipe my computer, no problems there. My phone on the other hand.... or the iPad, don't even step, I will hurt you.

    ***************

    @Lindsay Rae I just finished Bree last night... I agree everyone should read it before Eclipse. Wonder if @STY can read it or does it count as a spoiler?

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'd rather die than lose my Pattinporn! ;)

    Srsly, I'd freak out!! And on top of missing the incredible eye candy, I'd be peeved taht I spent hours and hours scouring the web for RPattz stuff for nothing. My time is worth more than that! :)

    OME that picture. I've thought of nothing else since I saw it yesterday! I'm a sucker for full length shots, and this is now my new fave! Holy fuckhawtness!!!

    The picture inspired me to compose the following limerick while on the commute to work this morning (meaning I was tired and I know it doesn't quite rhyme)

    There once was a boy from London-town
    All the ladies wished his pants would come down
    All the way to his ankles
    Then we’ll see if he sparkles
    We promise he won’t leave with a frown!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I would survive, because my sole purpose would become rebuilding and recreating my jaw porn/ finger porn stash and defeating the evil joy-robbing software.

    Now my Mr. Mister. Poor guy. This would be a very, very bad time for him to be living with me since I would be a complete PMS pyscho bitch from being unjustly denied my daily Rob fix.

    ReplyDelete
  33. God he gives a good "sexy face"....this pic is now my background on my phone :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. The only reason I HAVE a computer is for Rob porn. Until a year and a half ago, my husband and I were perfectly content to share a computer. Once things got out of hand, and he was accidently looking at pics of The Pretty titled "Yummy" or "sparkly peen" he sent me on my way to get my own. I remember that day vividly. I came home with a pretty purple laptop. Within days it was adorned with an Edward silhouette decal, and my world was complete. He still doesn't come near it.
    Suffice to say, without RPatz or Twilight, my computer is useless and I could just throw the damn thing in the trash.

    ReplyDelete
  35. This reminds me that I have to clear this work computer of everything personal by next Monday. I'm retiring and taking my Pattporn with me.

    Yes. 57. Retiring. Pattporn. I want Robward as my pool boy in the Keys.

    ;D

    P.S. Is anyone going to be in the Orlando area on the 29th-30th? I can't take my 10-year-old granddaughter with me and it's so much fun with someone else along to drool with and elbow throughout the movie. I'll supply the little bottles of wine.

    ReplyDelete
  36. For such a wonky legged bloke... he's seems rather agile in that stance. Whatchya doing there Rob...
    stretchin'???

    ReplyDelete
  37. I can't even imagine the terrible ramifications of a world where Twilight and The Precious didn't own my soul! How else could I have filled all of those hours (and hours and hours) that I devoted to the cause these past few years?

    @Purple Cupcake - Rob and Twilight are the reason I got my laptop too! My family shared one computer right up until I discovered fanfic and the joys of Robporn.

    @Sidewalk Candy - Thank God for The Vault, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  38. De-Twilighted? De-Pattinsoned?... thats just too fucking disturbing to think about. I need a drink.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Ok, why do you want to make me cry? A Rob & Twi free 'puter?!? Seriously, the thought brings a tear to my eye. I'm already having a rough go of things because my laptop at home, the screen decided to all of a sudden stop working. Thankfully I have my work computer with a buttload of pics and ff saved, but I can't watch any of my vids on it!

    Oh, and I am halfway through Bree's book and LOVING IT! I like Diego, he seems hot. Something just happened that I wasn't expecting and I can't wait to get back to it tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  40. that picture...

    sweet lord in heaven someone hold me! and touch me in all my naughty spots!

    ReplyDelete
  41. I just got up the courage to read this post. My eye is still twitching. If anyone ever did this to me I would hunt them down, tear them apart & burn the pieces. I'm going to look at that picture again so I can calm down.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Gee, if RPatts photos, porn, and Twilight content were removed from my computer, the whole damned thing would speed up and huge (twss) amounts of memory would be available...for me to refill with Rob Porn, photos, and Twilight content. Ain't no Bieber allowed on my computer AT ALL. THAT would be far more obscene than Snarky's description of her Brazilian ever remotely dreamed of being!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. First of all, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my SOUL for the pic of the Four Horsemen over Beaver - er Bieber - ohh whatever that irritating little girl's called!!

    When I read the first paragraph I was smirking like crazy, smugly enjoying the fact that such a programme exists to rid us of the brat. (However it's irrelevent to me since I would never curse my lappie with such treacherous content!) Then I read on ...

    OMG the thought of the Holy Grail disappearing into an unreachable vacuum made my stomach follow it! Then I breathed out a sign of relief and thanked the heavens above for Photobucket and subsequently my Facebook albums.

    I wanna keep my hardrive as free from anything as much as possible anyway since I've just had to shed out for a new one when my first died on me and kept me from enjoying RPattz and his home here with you lovely ladies as much I should have done. Grrrr. Of course now I'm paranoid about it which brings me back to the Bucket where all sacred Robbie porn is kept safely tucked into my private - er - safe; so no sleepless nights here. However, should Robbie disappear from the REST of the web - my fave slutty fanfic with it - I just might have to do something drastic, like shove my head in the oven. WAAAHHHH. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  44. The idea of such a program sounds like something my dad would come up with, if he were that smart. He did say that the reason my laptop was out of commission for a couple weeks was because I had "that vampire" stuff on it. Even though I told him it was only out of commission because the neighbors switched to a landline because I was using their wireless connection without asking.

    I have a few pics of Rob on my computer. But thinking that my Kellan folder would be wiped out... Oh dear MonkeyGod!!! There would be HELL TO PAY!!!

    ReplyDelete
  45. First of all, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my SOUL for the pic of the Four Horsemen over Beaver - er Bieber - ohh whatever that irritating little girl's called!!

    When I read the first paragraph I was smirking like crazy, smugly enjoying the fact that such a programme exists to rid us of the brat. (However it's irrelevent to me since I would never curse my lappie with such treacherous content!) Then I read on ...

    OMG the thought of the Holy Grail disappearing into an unreachable vacuum made my stomach follow it! Then I breathed out a sign of relief and thanked the heavens above for Photobucket and subsequently my Facebook albums.

    I wanna keep my hardrive as free from anything as much as possible anyway since I've just had to shed out for a new one when my first died on me and kept me from enjoying RPattz and his home here with you lovely ladies as much I should have done. Grrrr. Of course now I'm paranoid about it which brings me back to the Bucket where all sacred Robbie porn is kept safely tucked into my private - er - safe; so no sleepless nights here. However, should Robbie disappear from the REST of the web - my fave slutty fanfic with it - I just might have to do something drastic, like shove my head in the oven. WAAAHHHH. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  46. I would survive, because my sole purpose would become rebuilding and recreating my jaw porn/ finger porn stash and defeating the evil joy-robbing software.

    Now my Mr. Mister. Poor guy. This would be a very, very bad time for him to be living with me since I would be a complete PMS pyscho bitch from being unjustly denied my daily Rob fix.

    ReplyDelete
  47. OMG Twitards, I was just watching Glee (on Global TV in Victoria BC Canada - just above Forks & Fort Angeles and below where Twilight & New Moon were actually filmed...) and the new trailer for Eclipse came on.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFjpv9vSzb4

    You need to see this! And please, pause at second 16-18 and you'll see what I'm talking about. Why don't they just hire the 3 of yoot's on set to stop this kind of disaster from happening? My sister immediately screen-captured the shot of the Cullen action figures for her facebook profile, while I hopped online to let my twitard friends know...

    Seriously, please watch - you will howl with laughter.

    ReplyDelete
  48. No No No 'De-Twilight, De-Pattinson' my computer? NOOOOO! Why oh why do you speak of such blasphemy, STY?!? Why?! lol
    I think I'd have a Twi-crazed melt down if I couldn't get to certain blogs (um hello Twitarded!) and read my ever lovin' fanfic.. yeah I'd go batshit.
    Fortunately if that unspeakable, apocalyptic act did happen, I'd be covered... I have all me Robporn and Twi shiz along with all mi musica on back up :) Gots to be safe!

    & LMFAO --'Shaved Bieber' ...Bahahaha I swear, for the longest time I srsly thought that kid's name was Justin Beaver, no lie. Oh & dunke, STY for NOT including a picture of the beaver. We can't have that kind of fright fest before we go to bed.

    Now about that Rob pic... Mmm thank you very much... lick and save.. lick and save.

    ReplyDelete
  49. I agree with ApplesNFeathers...except I would skip the freaking out part and just go kick someone's ass.

    ReplyDelete
  50. But if they de-Pattinsoned my computer, I won't have anything on my computer. Possibly no reason left to live except for the Pattinson Glossy Paper Library and the Hall of Pattinson Poster and the Team Robert t-shirt collection and Rob Movie Gallery. Okay, I might be okay but I doubt it. I would prob have to do something real bad so the feds would find it. Then they could put me in a comfy cell where I could enjoy him all day long, right after I stab my cellmate for looking at my Robporn

    ReplyDelete
  51. My inner tween would freak the fuck out and then adult me would go kick someone's ass!

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!